What They've Done to Cedric by St. Fang of Boredom

Happy Anti-Hardwicke Day!

-gives out presents-

Fang: What now? Do we leave cookies for Anti-Hardwicke Clause?

Me: Very funny, Fang. Oh, look! I brought mistletoe!

Fang: -smacks forehead- Saint...

Me: Ok, ok, later...

Fang: -sigh-

Me: So, I'm not totally sure what I want to do with this story, so I'm winging it, people! Much awesomeness.

Fang: Much randomness.

Me: Let's do this!

Fang: Don't forget...

Me: Oh, yes.

Since I Don't Have the Money to Buy the Rights, I Disclaim: Maximum Ride? Not Mine. Twilight? Not mine. Harry Potter? Not mine. Don't even know Ms. Hardwicke or Mr. Pattinson. So, don't sue me, please! Por favor!

But I Can Put a Claim On: My petition! Which you should all sign, by the way. It's a petition against Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson playing Max and Fang in the Maximum Ride movie! The link to my petition is on my profile. Oh, and you need an e-mail address to sign it, so if you don't have one, let me know and I'll sign for you. Just send me some kind of name and any comments you'd like to make!

"Where am I?" Cedric asked out loud. He could have sworn, just a second ago, that he'd been standing in a graveyard with Harry Potter, watching some kind of dark dealings going on, but suddenly, there had been a flash of light and he was now floating around in limbo.

"Well, you're dead, my friend!" he heard a voice say.

"Dead?!" Cedric exclaimed, surprised. Then, he thought about it. Oh, it must have been the killing curse. So, he was dead. Surprisingly, he wasn't all that unhappy about it. He wasn't happy to be dead, of course, but, well, there was nothing he could do about it now, so why be depressed for the rest of eternity, huh?

"Alright." Cedric said. "So, what happens to me now? Do I go to, like Heaven or something? Oh, can I become a ghost? I'd kind of like to haunt Hogwarts or something. And it might make the whole thing easier for my parents-"

"No, no." the voice said. "There are other plans for you! We're making you into a vampire!"

"What?!" Cedric asked, confused.

"Oh, yes." the voice replied. "We're taking you to another world where you will become a vampire. Now, Cedric, when you enter this new world, you're going to become a new person and forget your old life. Kinda like being reincarnated. You clear?"

"But I don't really want to-"

"Are you clear, I asked!" the voice said impatiently.

"Yes, but-"

"Ok! Have fun!"

Before Cedric could protest any further, he was sucked into some kind of vortex and sent spiralling into oblivion.

When Cedric next opened his eyes, he wasn't Cedric any more, nor did he even know who Cedric was. If you'd asked him then what his name was, his answer would've been quite different.

"Edward?" Dr. Cullen's voice drew him slowly back into consciousness. "Can you hear me?"

"Dr. Cullen?" Edward replied, pulling himself up. "What happened?"

"You're a vampire, Edward."

So Edward lived out many years as a vampire. He even found love with a human girl named Bella and after a couple years of trials and tribulations, they were happy married with a daughter, Renesmee.

But one day, all of that changed.

He'd been going out for a short hunt, when suddenly, he found himself floating in that limbo place again. And not only could he remember being there before, but he could remember his old life as Cedric as well.

Now, he was very confused. "Hey! I'm not dead!"

"No, but we didn't need you there anymore, so we pulled you out." the voice said. "We now have new plans for you!"

"Who are you, anyway?" Cedric/Edward asked.

"Well, I work for what's known as the 'Real World'." the voice replied. "See, all of your worlds were created to entertain the people of the Real World. Your life and story are beloved books in the Real World. Sometimes, if a book is extremely loved, they make it into a movie. That's where I come in. The Real World has people called 'actors' who play the parts of the characters from the books. Sometimes, the same actor plays many different characters. So, I switch the characters to the right stories!"

"So, basically," Cedric/Edward said. "As long as my 'actor' keeps playing different book characters, I'm going to keep having my life switched around?"

"Yep." the voice answered.

"But, I don't want to!" Cedric/Edward said. "I just want to live one life! I should've died as Cedric!"

"Well, sorry, but it's not happening, buddy." the voice said. "Now, let's talk about your new life. You're going to be a 14 year old kid with wings named Fang. He has black hair, olive skin-"

"Woah, woah, back up!" Cedric/Edward said. "I'm not 14! I have pale skin! And I'm blonde, for crying out loud!"

"Nothing a tan and hair dye won't fix!" the voice said cheerily.

"Who's running this insanity, anyway?!" Cedric/Edward asked.

"Well, lately, it's a woman named Catherine Hardwicke." the voice answered. "She's the one who takes credit for making your actor, Robert Pattinson a big star. So, she keeps asking him to play in different movies."

"No offense to this 'Pattinson' guy." Cedric/Edward said. "I'm sure he's a nice guy and all, but won't people get sick of seeing him in all those movies?"

"Of course not!" the voice replied. "He's uber famous! His face is on every magazine in every store, he's all over T.V., he's in all inds of movies! He's everywhere!"

"Well, I think even I'd get sick of seeing myself that much." Cedric/Edward muttered.

"Doesn't really matter what you want, anyway." the voice told him. "It's up to Catherine Hardwicke and the big movie producers who gets to play who. You just have to deal."

"Doesn't anybody care what I think?" Cedric/Edward asked. "Doesn't anyone care about not seeing the same guy play every book character? And, with this latest part, doesn't anyone care about finding someone who really fits the part instead of just someone famous?"

"Yes." the voice replied. "That would be the fans. They're the ones who read the books and really make them as famous as they become. They're the ones who make them famous enough to become movies and will be the ones to see the movies."

"Aren't they doing anything? These fans?" Cedric/Edward asked.

"Yep." the voice replied. "One of them started a petition against you and another actress being in the Maximum Ride movie. I think her name's 'Saint' or something. Another fan, FashionDiva7, started up the Day of Anti-Hardwicke, to protest Ms. Hardwicke and what she's doing to the movie."

"Well, aren't they listening to the fans?" Cedric/Edward asked.

"So, far....kinda." the voice replied. "They've recognized the petition on the Maximum Ride site. The Day of Anti-Hardwicke is coming soon. Hey, they've even put up a site for new people to try out for the movie parts. But, there's no answer yet."

"So, we can only hope." Cedric/Edward said sadly.

"Yes, we can hope...." the voice agreed. "Now, just in case, let's go graft some wings on ya!"

Cedric/Edward's eyes widened.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Fang: Saint, I'm gonna burn that mistletoe with a lighter if you don't put it down.

Me: What are you doing, playing with lighters?

Fang: Iggy has a point...

Me: -sigh- So, anyway, help with the celebration of the Day of Anti-Hardwicke! You could:

1. Write an Anti-Hardwicke inspired fic.

2. Sign my petition.

3. Adveritise my petition.

4. Go on max-dan-wiz . com and join a Anti-Hardwicke group, start or talk on an Anti-Hardwicke forum, send your complaints about Ms. Hardwicke to Max, Fang, or other Flock members.

5. Other. Get creative. Draw something, make a video, run outside naked and yell "DOWN WITH HARDWICKE!!" (I wouldn't suggest the last one, though. Public nudity, in most places, is illegal. Do not get arrested in the name of Anti-Hardwicke day.)

So much you can do, so little time. so, if you'd like to save poor little Cedric/Edward from becoming Cedric/Edward/Fang...

Cedric/Edward: -Bambi Eyes-

Do something! Thank you and have a great day!

Fang: And light all mistletoe on fire!

Me: -whacks Fang with herring-

R&R?