St Fang's Poetry Corner by St. Fang of Boredom

Category:Maximum Ride
Genre:Parody, Poetry
Published:2009-01-07 19:14:00
Updated:2012-10-28 02:37:01
Packaged:2021-04-04 14:24:50
Summary:So, I got bored in Spanish class. Out of boredom, I decided to write some Fang-related poetry and other little writings. I learned one thing fo attempting this: I am no poet. At least it's kinda funny. Narrated by me and Fang! Fang: Not again...

Table of Contents

1. Chapter 1: La Clase de Espanol
2. Chapter 2: Disclaimer!
3. Chapter 3: Why Society Has Nothin' On Me
4. Chapter 4: Existentialized Out
5. Chapter 5: Giraffe Hair
6. Chapter 6: The OCs Take Over
7. Chapter 7: Fang Goes Solo
8. Chapter 8: The Week From Hell
9. Chapter 9: Theme Day Equals Day Off
10. Chapter 10: Dialysis, Sadmits, & Esther
11. Chapter 11: Rants and Adam's Ego
12. Chapter 12: Senior Trip!
13. Chapter 13: Adoption and Fang's Love
14. Chapter 14:Graduation and Poetry Returns
15. Chapter 15: After Effects of Post Grad
16. Chapter 16: Saint and Fang's Poetic News
17. Chapter 17: My Famous Petition and Lists
18. Chapter 18: Aftermath of Oral Surgery
19. Chapter 19: We're Backish!
20. Chapter 20: For Mom, With Love
21. Chapter 21: Q&A!
22. Chapter 22: A College Composition
23. Chapter 23: NaNoWriMo Ate My Soul
24. Chapter 24: Our Move in Three Sections
25. Chapter 25: Iggy Joins the Insanity
26. Chapter 26: FANG in Review Spoilers!
27. Chapter 27: A Little Clearing Up
28. Chapter 28: Happy Mother's Day!
29. Chapter 29: Last Wills and Testaments
30. Chapter 30: Rambling Rhymes Q&A
31. Chapter 31: Saint's Sequels Contest!
32. Chapter 32: Fnick, Rick, Nick, And Sick
33. Chapter 33: PULLing It All Together
34. Chapter 34: NaNoWriMo 2010
35. Chapter 35: A Very Potter Moment
36. Chapter 36: Updates, NaNo, & Those OCs!
37. Chapter 37: The Sequel Contest Lives!
38. Chapter 38: ANGEL Aftermath
39. Chapter 39: Getting Out of Dodge
40. Chapter 40: Island Insanity
41. Chapter 41: No Ironman, Just Wings
42. Chapter 42: In Which Fang is Rafiki
43. Chapter 43: Guess Who's Back!
44. Chapter 44: So Quoth The Raven
45. The End Is Where Everything Changes

1. Chapter 1: La Clase de Espanol

I'm not a poet, and boy do I know it!

But, I am St. Fang of Boredom, and I must live up to the 'boredom' part of my name, which is not hard to do in Spanish class.

Let me explain.....


Ms. Spanish Teacher: -insert random spanish babbling here-

Me: So. Damn. Boring.....

Fang: You could be taking notes.

Me: Oh, that's exciting. Hey, what're you doing here, anyway.

Fang: Shhh....I'm a ninja.

Me: Ok.......Oh! I've got an idea!

Fang: Taking notes?

Me: No, silly! I could write random poetry!

Fang: God, save us all....

Me: So, I'm no poet, but I'm bored! Plus, the teacher will never notice this little notebook under my desk....

Fang: Just like she won't notice that girl's cell phone under her desk?

Me: Exactly. Oooo...inspiration!

I have issues

Fang has wings

That girl'll be in trouble

If her cell phone rings!

Fang: Robert Frost you are not.

Me: Yoda, you are.


Me: No, you're my Fang!

F- Flying black Wings

A- Awesomeness

N- Nick

G- God damn is he sexy!!

Fang: Ok........

Me: Oh, here's a poem describing how we first met...

Once upon a time a Saint

Was so bored she thought she might faint

So off she ran into the night with a bang

To go and kidnap poor little Fang!

Fang: -muchos sarcasm- Inspiring.....

Me: I think so.

Fang's got a gun

Eraser's on the run.....

Fang: Let me guess, that's all of the song that you know.

Me: Well, yeah, kinda....

My spanish teacher is most annoying

She makes this class very boring

Fang: Do 'annoying' and 'boring' really rhyme?

Me: I'll figure that out some other time....

Fang: Oh, that was creative...

Me: I'll show you creative....

Fang and Iggy sittin' in a tree

Iggy's got a secret Fang won't believe

First comes child support Fang won't pay

Now Justin's gonna get adopted someday!

Fang: Not Justin again....

Me: Oh, yes, Justin....

Roses are red

Fang's turning blue

Iggy's complaining

'cause the child support's due!

Fang: I am not turning blue.

Me: Well, it rhymed....

Fang is sexy

Fang is pretty

God these poems

Are pretty shitty

Fang: You can say that again.

Me: -smacks- Shut up!

Ms. Spanish Teacher: ¿Què?

Me: Nada....

Fang: How about you try actually doing some spanish?

Me: O-tay! ¿Me permite meter un mono en tú pantalones?

Fang: ¡No! ¡No monos en mi pantalones!

Me: ¿Por que?

Fang: ¡Los monos morden!

Me: -evil grin- I didn't know you spoke spanish!

Fang: I have many hidden talents.....

Me: Ok.....

Fang: Maybe you should try getting back to writing fanfiction.....

Me: Yay! Rhyming fanfiction!

Fang: That's not what I meant......

Me: Let me find some words....

Fang, Mang, Tang, Sang, Bang, Gang, Hang, Pang, Rang.

All the fangirls wanted Fang involved in some Mang, so they made him drink Tang, and everyone Sang, and he ran off with a Bang, to go join a Gang, but the Erasers found him and sentenced him to Hang, but Lissa saved him, which gave Max a Pang of jealousy, so she beat her on the head 'till her ears Rang.

The End

Fang: That made no sense!

Me: Of course it did! It, well......ok, it makes no sense.

Hey, look! I've found some hidden meanings!

Fang: Hidden meanings of what?

Me: Look...

F- Fang

A- Attacks

X- Xylephones


M- Max

A- And

N- Nick

G- Getting it on


F- Fang and

I- Iggy

G- Getting

G- Goofy

Y- Yeah, right.


F- Fang

U- Under

D- Dangerously

G- Great

E- Excitebility


T- Totally

A- Awesome

K- Kicking

I- Iggy and

L- Laughing

A- Aloud


M- Most

A- Atrocious and

R- Really

I- Icky

Fang: I think you need mental evaluation...

Me: I'm in Honors Psychology!

Fang: And it's doing soooo much good....

Me: Fang....

Fang: What?

Me: Guess what?

Fang: -sigh- What?

Fang and Saint makes Faint! or Sang!

Nudge and Justin makes Nustin! or Judge!

Fang: Another inspiring discovery....

-bell rings-

Me: Holy Crap! To Psychology!

Fang: Let's try paying attention in this next class, ok?

Me: OMC! My bestest friend is in that class! Squee!

Fang: Great......


I'd love to say that that didn't really happen, but, yeah, it did. It's all written in my notebook....

So I can blame Fang for my bad Spanish grade!

Fang: How the heck is it my fault??

Me: It just is!

Anyway, since I had this all written down, I decided to let all you wonderful people see it, too. Why? Well, I have nothing better to do....

Fang: And you feel this strong need to show everyone how bad your poetry is.

Me: Well, yeah, but oh well. And yes, people, I know how bad it all is, you don't need to tell me, really.

Fang: I'm hungry.

Me: Me too. Let's make sandwiches!

Fang: First thing you've said all day that I agree with....

2. Chapter 2: Disclaimer!

Poetry, part 2! W00T!

Fang: I thought you weren't updating this again....

Me: Well, I had originally planned to kind of just have it as a oneshot, but then again, Avian Flu wasn't supposed to be a comedy, either, so so much for best-laid plans. Besides, I forgot something.....

Disclaimers are important

One you must use

For if you don't use one

You may get sued!

Fang:, use one!


You know what I don't own

You know what I do

J. Patt owns what I don't

So please don't sue!

Fang: Is it over?

Me: Yeah. Now to begin! Spanish Class!


Me: I am dying here! I need help! Who am I going to call?


No, Fang!

Fang, I'm bored

So entertain me

Spanish is tiresome

Just come and see!

If you sat in Spanish

You'd be bored, too

So come sypathize

Fang of Avian Flu

Fang: -appears in a puff of smoke- I, Ninja Fang, have arrived! -shakes head- Wait...what the heck? How'd I get here?

Me: -shrugs- I was watching Charmed last night and decided to try one of those rhyming spells they use.

Fang: And I've been 'charmed' here....why?

Me: I'm not having a good day....

Fang: How so?

Me: Let me explain....

I made eye contact with Ms. Spanish Teacher

Which is a very bad thing

For if you make eye contact with Ms. Spanish Teacher

She'll have you answering

Questions in the Spanish language

You don't understand

I think next time, instead of Spanish

I will join the band.

Fang: -sighs- Is this another one of your rhyming escapades?

Me: Yay!

Fang: Help me.

Me: Hey, I'm the one who needs help!

Fang: With what?

Me: Listen to the teacher for a minute....

Ms. Spanish Teacher: -random, incoherent Spanish rambling-

Fang: Yeah...I don't get it.

Me: You understand my frustration?

Yo no comprendo

Yo no se

Fang no comprende


Fang: Which reminds me....I heard some people did not understand our Spanish conversation in the last update.

Me: I'll give them a clue. A little poem originally inspired by the fact that my pants are too small...

My pants are most uncomfortable

They're very, very tight

But, at least, Fang can't put in them

Monkeys that will bite

Fang: What kind of clue is that?

Me: It makes sense....

Fang: Nothing you do makes sense.

Me: Point.....Oh, I made some new discoveries!

Fang: Great....

M- Max

A- Ate

X- X-rays

I- Is

G- Gooey

G- Goo

Y- Yummy?

N- Nobody

U- Understands

D- Directionless

G- Giggling

E- Expletives

Me: Oh my gosh, Diego is looking over my shoulder! Fang, get him!

Fang: What am I, your attack dog?

Me: -whines- Fang!

Fang: -growls- Go, Diego, go! Rawr!

Diego: -stares and leaves-

Me: Yay! More discovery time!

Fang: Come back, Diego, come back!

Me: Hey, anyone ever been typing really fast and miss a letter in Max's or Fang's names. I know I do all the time....







Fang: Not only is that last one not appropriate, it's slightly insulting.

Me: Yeah, but strangely enough, the 'n' key sticks a lot on my keyboard, so I get that one a lot.

Fang: How nice.....

Me: I wrote a song!

Fang: Please, please don't put it up here. Please, with whatever's left of your sanity, just-

I love mother, screw my father

Fang and I are

Really bothered

Because Spanish

Is very boring

And 'boring' does not

Really rhyme with 'annoying'

Fang: -sighs- Have you ever considered the fact that this thing is getting kind of dumb?

Me: -shocked- Fang! After all the time we've spent together, I'd think you would've learned how to correctly give an unsatisfied comment!

Fang: What do you mean?

Me: Just saying it's 'dumb' is soooo annoying, not to mention unhelpful. Let me give an example of a good comment.....

I'm beginning to think this 'Poetry Corner' is spiralling into some sort of existential universe of nonessential rhyming phrases and anecdotes that has no inherent relationship to either the literature from which it supposedly springs or any type poetry known to mortal man at this particular time and hour, and is therefore completely and utterly an extreme and asinine waste of the valuable and and fleeting time of the young men and women who spend their finite waking hours on this particular and most peculiar site on the world wide web.

Fang: Wow, and your response?

My fanfiction, my rules, screw you.

Fang: How poetic......So, on that note....

-bell rings-

Let's go!

Me: Yay, psychology!

Fang: Yay, no more poetry!

Me: Oh, Fang???

Fang: Yeah?

Fang can't cook

He's really bad

He burnt all the food

And made Iggy sad

Fang: Damnit.


Fang: I have to say, this wasn't as bad as the other.

Me: Why?

Fang: Well, it was missing a certain annoying something....

Me: Oh, you mean....

Fang ditched Iggy

Fang picked Max

Fang may have ditched Justin

But he created Fax!!

...A Justin-related poem?


Me: what?

Fang: -shrugs-

Me: Let's go hunt down some rabid llamas! -walks off-

Fang: Uhhh....what? Saint, are there even such things? Saint? Oh, why do I have to put up with this? -follows-

3. Chapter 3: Why Society Has Nothin' On Me

Me: Fang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fang: What? What are you yelling for?

This stupid computer is causing me rage

It closed Maximum-X and my Helen of Sparta Page!

I was just trying to check my blog

This thing should get eaten by a dog

Fang: Saint, I thought we were done rhyming! You don't have Spanish anymore!

Me: I dropped Advanced Math.

Fang: Great….So that means you have…..

Me: Study hall in the library!

Fang: Which leads to…

Me: More fanfictions!

Fang: Fabulous…

Me: Fabulous is sooooo not a fabulous word for you to use.

Fang: Don't care. Why are you looking up Helen of Sparta?

Me: I'm reading the Iliad for World Literature!

Fang: You have to read it?

Me: No! I chose to!

Fang: Ok…..Reading extremely long books for fun….got it.

Me: That is not weird.

Fang: Of course not….

Me: You think I'm weird! -cries-

Fang: Did I say that? No. It's ok.

Me: Everyone thinks I'm weird!!!

Fang: When did you start caring?

Me: We had to make this chart in World Literature, and on one side, we put the things that made us fit into society, and on the other, the things that made us not fit in.

Fang: So?

Me: Look what's on my chart!

Do Fit In:

I listen to some popular music.

I'm not a serial killer.

I like my toast butter-side up.

I wear clothing in public.

Don't Fit In:

- I actually like English class.

- I write fanfictions.

- I listen to mostly weird music.

- I'm (insert my religion here) and I like it!

- I have a mutant bird-kid and a werewolf in my basement.

- I plan to take over Canada and rename it Canadia.

- I plan to take over with a Hobbit Named Spiffy.

Me: I'm a weirdo….

Fang: I don't see why you suddenly care.

Me: I don't know! –still crying-

Fang: Well, look at it this way. You fit in with the fanfiction society.

Me: Oh, yeah! Yay! I love you people!

Fanfiction people are totally awesome

They make normal people look like dead possums.

Fanfiction people should rule the planet!

And Justin's gonna have a little sister named Janet!

Fang: Dead possums?

Me: Yep.

Fang: Janet???

Me: Hee hee hee…….This should be the official fanfiction cheer!

Fang: I'm not sure….

Me: Yeah….

Give me an 'F'


Give me an 'A'


Give me an 'N'


Give me an F-I-C-T-I-O-N!

What does that spell?


Fang: Not very creative…

Me: I can do better.

Fang: No, you can't.

Fanfiction is the best!

Fanfiction is the best!

We will never give it a rest!

We know our site is the best!

You can just stick it in your vest, 'cause

Fanfiction is the best!

Fang: Ok…….

Me: I'm wearing a vest!

Fang: That's nice…..

Me: Fang?

Fang: Yeah?

Me: I'm bored….

Fang: Really?

Me: Yeah. And I can't think of anything else to write.

Fang: Sounds to me like you have a terrible case of writer's block.

Me: Yep, so I'm filling up space by talking to you about it.

Fang: You know how all these people have been suggesting you do an entire fanfiction with just us talking?

Me: Yeah.

Fang: This is turning into it.

Me: You noticed?

Fang: Yeah. Hey, can't you share any random facts in poetic form so we can get out of this awkward phase?

Me: You're asking me to write poetry? Really?

Fang: Just go with it.

Iphigenia was a princess

In Ancient Greece, where they practiced incest

She was the daughter of Helen the fair

Or maybe her sister, depends on what you read and where

Anyway, she was sacrificed.

Or replaced with a deer, which was much more nice

At least that was what Wikipedia wrote

But, they could've just missed the boat

Fang: Ok…..

Me: I did what you said. I shared random facts in poetic form.

Fang: Oh, yeah, right.

Me: Let me try again.

Cassandra was a girl who could see what was to be

But everyone thought she was out of her tree

She was killed after the war; many of her people were dead

They'd all be alive, if they'd believed what was in her head.

Fang: You need to get off Ancient Greece.

Me: Let's see….Oh, crud, here's a good idea!

It is getting to be late

Senior Play is next up on my plate

If I want to make it there on time

I better go before one fifty-nine!

Fang: Oh, yeah. After school class.

Me: I hope this isn't too short…..Oh well!

Fang: Yeah, let's post and go, shall we?

Me: Let's.

4. Chapter 4: Existentialized Out

Mr. Mehegan: Existentialism, existentialism, The Stranger, existentialism....

Me: -sigh-

Existentialism is very boring

It makes me kinda feel like snoring

I really could use a nap

I feel like I've run some laps

Mehegan: Why aren't you guys saying anything? Are you falling asleep? -coughs-

Me: -thinking- You have no idea....I got about 5 hours of sleep last night!

Mehegan says we're falling asleep

He happens to be right

We're not making one little peep

Should've slept last night

Now Mehegan's losing his voice

He takes a drink of water

If he loses his voice, do we get out of class?

Probably not likely, why bother?

Me: That's it, there's only one thing to do....Who ya gonna call?

Fang, Fang, come and play!

I need some entertainment today

I've got a couple things to say

Fang, Fang, come and play

Fang: -appears- Ok, this 'summoning me by rhyming' thing is getting old....

Me: But, Fang, I'm soooooooo tired......and bored.

Fang: Well, you are the Patron Saint of Boredom.

Me: Tired......5 hours of sleep......

Fang: Better than none. Hey, don't actually fall asleep!

I want to sleep

And count some sheep

Won't make a peep

Fang, let me sleep!

Fang: No, wake up! Find something to entertain yourself with! Look, there's words on the board!

Me: The academic english classes' vocab. list.

Fang: Yeah, you like words!

Me: Ooooo....idea! Use the pretty words to make a story!

Fang: Uhhh...yeah.

Fang had an affinity for fledgling hawks. He was quite eccentric about them. Unfortunately, he could not stand their incessant peeping. Though he gave his pets a home of opulence, he could not come in close proximity of it for fear of an encounter with the peeping. He tried to supplant his ears with earplugs, but, when they didn't work, he tried to tie their mouths shut. Unfortunately, their little voiceboxes were unassailable. He finally just decided to put up with their voluminous peeping. The End.

Fang: Ok.....

Me: Now what?

Fang: How about one of your annoying songs?

Me: Ooooo.....idea......

Fang: Why do I have a feeling this is going to be bad?

Max Max bo Bax

Banana Banna fo Fax

Ee I Oh Ax


Fang: Huh?

Fang Fang bo Bang

Banana Banna o Ang

Me My Mo Mang


Fang: Ok....Is this like a name game or some-

Iggy Iggy bo Biggy

Banana Banna fo Figgy

Me My Mo Miggy


Fang: Alright, that's ver nice, but it's gonna get annoying really-

Nudge Nudge bo Budge

Banana Banna fo Fudge

Me My Mo Mudge


Fang: -fast.

Gazzy Gazzy bo Bazzy

Banana Banna fo Fazzy

Me My Mo Mazzy


Fang: Ok, I think that's-

Angel Angel Bon Bangel

Banana Banna fo Fangel

Me My Mo Mangel


Fang: Finally, the whole Flock.

Total Total bo Botal

Banana Banna fo Fotal

Me My Mo Motal


Fang: Good, now we're done.

Celeste Celeste Beleste-

Fang: STOP!!!

Me: Wanna know what name you can't play this game with?

Fang: Do I dare ask?

Chuck Chuck bo Buck

Banana Banna fo Fu-

Fang: STOP! We get it!

Me: Can't play it with 'Mitch' either...

Fang: Thanks for informing....

-bell rings-

Me: To Early Childhood class! Fang, the toddlers can crawl all over you again! They love that!

Fang: I'm sure they do.....

5. Chapter 5: Giraffe Hair

Me: So, here we are, for another-

Fang: -snicker-

Me: -glares- Another update of St. Fang's Poet-

Fang: -quietly laughing-

Me: You got a problem, birdboy?

Fang: -laughing- You-.....You're.....Aunt was.....right! You...look like....a freaking......giraffe!!!! -laughs hysterically-

Me: -whacks repeatedly with herring- Stupid Fang....

Fang: Oh, my gosh, Mum!

Me: Yes, Fang calls my mom 'mum' now. He got sick of yelling 'Ms. Saint's Mom!'

Fang: Mum! What'd you do to her?

Mom: Oh, drop it, Fang. I'm going back into Brian Setzer land. -sticks on headphones and listens to old rocker dude-

Me: See, Fang? Drop it.

Fang: Ok, I'll...try. -snicker- -snicker- -bursts out laughing- Your hair!!!

Me: -shoves herring in Fang's mouth- Let me explain, now that Fang's ruined any chance of getting around it...

I decided I didn't like my hair color

But if I'd known changing it would be a big blunder,

I would have left well enough alone

And maybe Fang's mouth wouldn't be full of fish bones

I was kind of a dirty bonde

But I wanted to try to go lighter

My mother I trusted to do this for me

Now I'm so mad I could bite her

Ok, I can't figure out how to rhyme this whole scenario. Basically, my hair is this dirty blonde color. When I was little, I used to have really light blonde hair, but it got darker when I got older. So, my mom and I decided we would try to lighten it. Now, I know some people wouldn't trust their mom to lighten their hair, but my mom used to be a hair stylist. She even had her own beauty salon.

Did I mention she used to be a hair stylist. She's a bit out of practice....

So now, I look like...

Fang: -spits out fish- A giraffe! Ew....fishy aftertaste...

Me: Yeah, yeah. Let's just say, from my tips up to near the top of my head, no big change in color. But from the top of my head to my roots...


My aunt said you could probably see my hair from outer space.

At night.

With no moon or stars.

During a snow storm.

Fang: Heck, I bet Iggy could see your freaking hair! Hey, maybe he will and'll come save me!

Me: Don't push your luck. Anyway, I'm going somewhere tomorrow to fix this screw-up. Somewhere with professional hair stylists whose licenses are up to date.

Mom: -glares-

Fang: But that's not your only problem...

Me: Nope.

I suffer from crappy migraines

I hate them very much

When I have these stupid things

I am out of touch

Yeah, I know Max gets her headaches

But her's last for just a stitch

Mine last for hours and hours on end

And they hurt like a-

Fang: We get it.

Me: I hate migraines.

Fang; I thought your whitecoat put you on something for them.

Me: It's not working so far. And I had two in a row; one yesterday and one the day before.

Fang: Ow.

Me: That's not all......

College stuff is very hard

Understanding it is crazy

I had to redo my damn FAFSA form

Now my thoughts are hazy

Me: Stupid Federal Financial thingy...

Fang: It is gonna help you get college money...

Me: It's still stupid....

Fang: Any other rants?

Me: Of course...

I only have three classes

World Lit, Early Childcare, and Senior Play

But I have major work in all three

This is NOT making my day

Fang: What do you have to do?

World Literature: Read pgs. 15-55. Two Reader Responses.

Early Childhood: Two Page report on how well our group worked together on our project, think about internships and write short essay on it, start thinking about culture diagram.

Senior Play: Not only do I have my small part, I am now the 'Program Queen'. I am in charge of typing up and putting together the program. Mild stress-factor.

Fang: Oooo...the program. Famous for spelling errors.

Me: Not with me in charge....

Fang: So, why aren't you working on any of this?

Me: I needed some stress-relief after the FAFSA thing and typing up some more bio's for the program.

Fang: So, how about some MR-related poems?

Me: Let's see what I can cook up...

Maximum-x is the coolest site

Or, at least, it has been

I'm not sure about the new layout

Any thoughts on now and then?

Fang: Ah, yes, the layout...

Me: I kinda miss the old one. Luckily, wonderful people are making new little fan sites! Like www(dot)fanflock(dot)ning(dot)com!

Fang: Any other rhymes?

Me: How about a riddle?

I am a mixture

Of two different fixtures

From one famous book

I am quite famous

Though my existence

Is a debate, of sorts

Fang: -glares-

Me: What?

Fang: I get it...

Me: Hee hee hee....

Do you hear me?

Are you sure?

Is that me you hear?

Can you tell

The difference between

My voice and the voices of others?

I can tell you

This one thing

Forget about trying to hear me

Forget about seeing

Forget about feeling

The first thing you'll do is smell me.

Fang: Ha ha.

Me: Yeps.

I have all kinds of super-awesome powers

But forget about my skills

When you first hear my favorite hobby

You'll need headache pills!

Fang: Know how that feels.

Me: There's some people who t's just not worth it to kidnap...

I hear all

I see all

I am all

I am the creator

The owner

I need no disclaimer

Me: Had to.

Fang: Of course...

Me: I will continue the riddle thing, with some better idea, but right now, SNL is on!!! And The Rock is hosting!!!!

Fang: And he's

Me: I'm watching...

Fang: I'm.....scared. He's dressed up as a girl....

Me: Ha ha!

6. Chapter 6: The OCs Take Over

He's Spiffy!

He's Pooky!

Together we're so Ooky!

And in this fan-toony

We invade your computer screen!

Fang and Saint are busy

They're in quite a tizzy!

So we'll take over the Poetry Corner for today!

And Cody joined us, by the way.

Cody: Yay!

Spiffy: Hey, I'm the Hobbit Named Spiffy!

Pooky: I'm Pooky the Penguin!

Cody: And I'm Cody Prince!

Spiffy: Cody, what are you doing here?

Cody: Well, I'm a OC too.....Why not?

Pooky: -sigh- Fine.....but no funny stuff!

Cody: What do you mean by 'funny stuff', babe? I do all kinds of funny stuff.....-grins-

Spiffy: Acting gay. That's funny stuff.

Cody: Spiffy!

Being sexist is not very nice

People like us add extra spice!

Besides, all the Figgy fans

Will get pretty mad at you, man.

Spiffy: Yeah, ok. Sorry. But......You're not really gay, are you?

Cody: All depends on how Saint writes me....

Pooky: Ok.....So, what are Saint and Fang up to today?

Spiffy: Well, Pooky, as we all know, Saint is a busy Senior this year and often enlists Fang to help her with her work.

Cody: So....

Saint and Fang have work to do

No time to catch the Avian Flu!

They're working on the program for the Senior Play

And Fang's having one of those headache days

Pooky: A headache day?

Cody: Yeah, because Saint's driving him nuts and making him bang his head against a wall.

Spiffy: Why?

Cody: They watched 'The Labyrinth' last night and Saint won't stop singing that errr....'magic dance' song.

Spiffy: That is annoying.

Pooky: You know what's more annoying?

Cody: What?

Pooky: The McDonald's Filet 'O Fish commercial song!

Give me back that Filet 'O Fish!

Give me that fish!

Give me back that Filet 'O Fish

Give me that fish!

What if it were you hanging up on this wall?

If it were you in that sandwich, you wouldn't be laughing at all!

Spiffy: Was that really necessary?

Pooky: Yes, yes it was...

Cody: Anyway....I would like to recite a poem dedicated to the loveliest vampire girl ever, Kohote.

Pooky: -groan- I'm gonna go join Fang in banging my head against a wall.

Spiffy: Cody, is this about Saint and Hidanlvr's random story they're writing? Kohote's Hidanlvr's OC, right?

Cody: Yes! The wonderful story where I first met Kohote!

Pooky: Isn't she with Deidara or something?

Cody: DON'T MENTION HIM!!!! -growl-

Pooky: -inch away- Sorry....

Spiffy: What about the Shoe guy.

Cody: It's not 'shoe', it's Shu.

Spiffy: Whatever.

Cody: I don't care, I'm saying my poem now!

There is no vampire better than Kohote


Cody: Hey, guys? What rhymes with Kohote?

Spiffy and Pooky: -shrugs-

Cody: Nevermind. I'll just change it.

Kohote is the very best

She shines brightly above all the rest

Kohote, the only thing I fear about you

Is pissing off your brother, Ryu!

Pooky: Yes, Ryu is a very angsty vampire.

Spiffy: More angsty than Edward in the Twilight movie!

When watching 'Twilight' did anyone see

That angsty was the only thing Edward could be?

I hope that 'New Moon' will be more happy

And Saint will be glad because of Embry!

Cody: Isn't 'New Moon' the one where Edward leaves?

Spiffy: Yeah.

Cody: So, how is that gonna be happier?

Spiffy: Oh, yeah.....-is sad-

Pooky: Let's rhyme something else.

I don't know why Fang doesn't like Justin

You'd think he would, after all his chops he'd been bustin'

Hey, doesn't Saint have a teacher named 'Chops'?

OMC! Let's call the cops!

Cody: WTF, Pooky? That made no sense!

Pooky: It's a parody! It's not supposed to!

Cody: Squee-diddly-umpkees!

Spiffy: Let's really call the cops! -dials 911

911: 911, what is your emergency?

Spiffy: Squee-diddly-umpkees! -hangs up-

Pooky: ....We weren't supposed to really do that....

Spiffy: I'm on pipeweed!

Cody: -rolls eyes- Stupid hobbit drugs.....

Spiffy: I like pipeweed!

Pipeweed is really fun!

Pipeweed is the best!

Everyone should have some,

And jump on Cody's chest!

Spiffy: -hugs Cody-

Cody: No more drugs for you, Boo-boo.

Pooky: So, one of our members has slowly fallen into insanity.....Do we have a replacement?

King Leonidas of Sparta: CONQUER!!!!!!!

Pooky: Not you, King Leo.

FreeCreditReport(dot)Com Guy: They say a man should always dress for the job he wants.

Pooky: Not the freecreditreport(dot)com guy, either. Hey, do we have any intelligent OCs around here? Risa?

Risa: Sorry, Fang and Embry are fighting again. I'll stay over here in Double Date.

Pooky: Alanna?

Alanna: In case you forgot, for some reason there's a group of fans who hate me for liking Fang. Not a good idea. I'll stay in Fly By Twilight.

Pooky: Uhhhh.....

Cody: Oh! Mermaid/Vampire girl from MangaFlock!

Mermaid/Vampire Girl: WEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! FANG/DARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -runs like a maniac-


Pooky: Any good OCs from Bubbles, Football, and Pygmy Marmosets?

Tammy: OhohpickmepickmeI'mavailable!

Pooky: -ignores- Anyone else?

Justin: Hey, guys! What about me?

Cody and Pooky: Justin!

Spiffy: Justy-Wusty! Fang never sent you to the Orphan Russianage!

Justin: Is he on drugs?

Pooky: Yep.

Spiffy: -huggles Justin- Let's sing!

Cody, Pooky, and Justin: Uhhhhh.......



Daylight come and we want to

Ride my Bicycle!

I want to ride my bike!

I want to

Keep you my Dirty Little Secret!

Don't tell anyone or you'll

Have a nice day!

Have a nice dayayay


Daylight come and we want to go home!

Pooky: I think it's time to wrap this up.....

Spiffy: No! Give Gozen back his lollipop, Gerald!

Pooky: -covers Spiffy's mouth- Reveal nothing....

Cody: -picks up Spiffy- Let's go, Spif....

Justin: So, I think we'll wrap this up and hand the show back over to the wonderful Saint and my deadbeat dad, Fang!

Bye for now!

7. Chapter 7: Fang Goes Solo

Fang: Hey, everyone. Fang here.


All alone.................

Saint's busy.

Spiffy and Pooky are......somewhere.......scary......

And something needs updating!

Saint updated Double Date last night, but it was kinda short.

And has anyone read that Star Wars/Maximum Ride insanity?!?!

I am not 'Fang Solo'.

Or Fuzzles, if you've read Gozen and the Feather Kids.

So, I'm gonna try to update the Poetry Corner.


Ummmmmm.......I guess I have to, like, rhyme something now......


I don't know if I can rhyme......

This whole thing may take some time....

I am kinda hungry now......

Ummm.....Errrr....Milk comes from a cow?

Fang: Hey, it kinda rhymed.....

So, does anyone wanna hear what Saint's up to?

It's easier than this rhyming deal.....

Saint's To Do List:

1. Shopping- Food's gettin' low.

2. Homework- Read two chapters in new book, read more in old book, do packet, work on Senior Play Program.

3. Wax the car.

4. Apply to scholarships.

5. Try to decide which college to go to.

6. Make meals for self and others.

7. Go to church. Yay, God!

8. Bake some kind of dessert thing before ingredients go bad.

9. Find something to make to feed 42 people during Tech Week.

10. Update Stuff!

Fang: And people wonder why updates take so long these days.....

I'm bored........................................





Ok, I'm boring you all now.

So, ummmmm........I could talk about, I don't know.......

You people like 'Fax' stuff.......I could talk about Max.

Well, Max is cool....






-is in happy place-

Oh, uhhh....I'm supposed to be updating this, huh?

I could try to, like, write a poem about Max......Ummmmm......

Max is really, really cool

She kicks Whitecoat butt at the School

She's the greatest leader of all

When I'm with her, I have a ball

Fang: Hey! This poetry stuff isn't so hard! I can do this!

I have a friend, his name is Iggy.

He's just a friend, so no Figgy

He really like to make things go 'boom'

He puts Erasers in their tomb

Fang: Oh my gosh, I am sooooo awesome.

I have lots of fun with Nudge

But not that way, so don't think Fudge

She talks a lot, which can be annoying

But she never can be boring

Fang: Still don't think 'annoying' and 'boring' rhyme, but it works....

Gazzy is a pretty smart kid

There are so many amazing things he did

He's an eight-year-old explosives king

Oh, crap, I just heard the phone ring

Fang: Phone!

Saint's Mom: I've got it!


Oh, hi! Yeah, I was just e-mailing my gay cowboy friend...

Fang: Everyone thinks Saint's weird.......We should get her Mom on here sometime.....

Saint's Mom is a lot of fun

She makes laughs come by the ton

She can be as random as her child

Though her taste in food's a bit more mild

Fang: Anyone on Maximum-X can look up Saint's Fishstick Haters group. Mum loves fishsticks, Saint hates them. It doesn't end there. Saint loves weird food, Mum loves plain stuff.

Saint loves Mexican, Mum says it's too spicy.

Mum has the same thing for breakfast every day, Saint's sick of looking at it. Saint doesn't like many breakfast foods......

Saint does like bagels, though.....all kinds of bagels.

Mum only wants 'normal' bagels.....

Saint likes Italian, Mum just doesn't....

Saint'll try anything once, Mum won't try it if she doesn't know every single little thing about it first.

Saint's a carnivore. She likes her meat. Mum could easily be a vegetarian.

And here I am, in the middle of these food wars....

But gosh, I'm ranting like Saint now......

Let's see......I could talk to myself in Spanish, since Saint isn't here to talk with me.

I must be losing it......

¿Hola, Colmillo, cómo es usted?

Fino, gracias. ¿Usted?

Multa. Oye, le hace tiene un mono en sus pantalones.

Sí. Su nombre es Valiente.

Eso es un nombre bueno.

Sí. ¡Y él puede bailar como un pollo!


¡Sí, con queso!

¡Ah mi Dios! ¡Ninguna manera!

¡Bueno, adiós!

¡Vuele justo Lejos!

Fang: Yeah.....I'm losing it......

Saint's rubbing off on me.....

Uck, there's Saintness on me!!!!!


Anyway.....Hmmmmmmmm......I am on Saint's computer.......let's see what we can learn about St. Fang of Boredom!

-pulls up Saint's favorite sites-

Elven Phrases?

Free Translation Online.......that makes sense.....

Maximum Ride 2.0 -N.i.k.k.i- -R.i.d.e-? Wonder what that is.....

Potter Puppet Pals Site.....

We Didn't Start the Fire Lyrics.....Awesome song....

Star Wars Episode 3.........Oh, God.....

BiteFight......Didn't know she was on there......

EMOtional, a Maximum Ride fanfic.....not again.....


Fang: Saint has interesting favorites.......

What else is on here?

Snood game, of course....

Hmmmm......She has a Google Account!

And a new YouTube account.........

The old RolePlay Myspace is still up.....Where the name 'St. Fang of Boredom' was born......


Oh! Let's get into where she saves her typed-up fanfictions!

Oh, there's some 'never before posted' stuff on here.....

I'll post some of it!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Happy Birthday to Me!

There's no freaking way I can be 18 yet,

Fang, could you help me?

Fang: Looks like she wrote that on her birthday....

Hmmmm.....Grocery List?

Stuff For Sandwiches




Seltzer Water


Stuff For Lunch

Sandwich Bags

Dog Food

Cat Litter


Fang: That really was her grocery list......

Wonder what's on her PenDrive?


Let's check under 'Stories'


She has waaaaaayyyyyyy too many flipping folder. Very organized.....OCD much?


There's an Unnamed Embry fic that's unfinished.....

She saves all her Author's Notes.....Ok.......


This should excite all you fans of The Hobbit Named Spiffy!

She's working on a fic for him, it seems!

Let's see......So far, she has a two-part prologue one full chapter, and one she hasn't finished yet...

Hmmmm.....maybe I could post an excerpt.....

I'll just copy&paste a random part.....

Anyway, they met in the great council hall outside King Aragorn's castle in Montrealopolis. Don't ask.

When everyone was settled and snacking on their tea and M&M peanut butter cookies (A speciality of the Queen Mother's), King Aragorn asked if anyone had an idea on how to end the war.

King Leonidas automatically said "Conquer!" But when Frank the Barber pointed out that that wasn't really a solution and that he sounded mad, King Leo yelled "Madness? This is Sparta!!!" Then he dragged Frank out of the room.

When Amanda muttered something about cutting off their dairy supply and doing obscene things to certain male body parts, Aragorn had to remind her that this was a peace treaty. She stormed out.

Destiny and Alaina had come up with a very complex plan involving Duct Tape, ravioli, and a Hobbit Named Spiffy. They left to plan.

Chewbacca began making strange noises at Empress Bindi. She ran out cursing and yelling about strange creatures not being allowed in councils.

Chewbacca, not knowing what was wrong, went to a corner to sulk and eat cookies.


Saint has issues.......

I think she wrote the entire 'Hobbit Named Spiffy' story last year during her English class in her journal.....

I'm surprised her teacher didn't have her sent to the loony bin.....

Anything else I could copy&paste?

Oh, here's something she wrote when FanFiction was have 'a Technical Glitch'. She meant to post it on Maximum-X, but they were also having issues that day, so it got saved.

-Login/submission area is currently inaccessible due to a technical glitch. We apologize for the brief inconvenience. Please come back in a few minutes.-

So, it's about 10:00 at night, and I go to log into fanfiction, and this is the note I get. WTF! Who gave them pemission to have a technical glitch?! Grrrr....

Anyway, they say to check back in a few minutes. So, I did. And I did again. And again. And again. I'm gonna check right now, actually. Please hold.

-Jeopardy music plays while on hold-

Ok, I'm back. And yep, it's still doing it! So, I'm letting out my frustrations on here. Grrrrrrr.....

Stupid #^^&$^&#$ fanfiction site!!!! $#^#% $#^## I want to $#*&% log in!!!!!

Fang: Saint, you're pissing the censors off again!

Me: $*$%&^% the censors.

Fang:.....Anyway, you could do something productive.

Me: Like?

Fang: You could type up that new chapter of Avian Flu you wrote in class on Friday.

Me: It's too dark, and if I turn a lamp on, it'll wake up Mom.

Mom: -snore-

Fang: Oh....

-noise outside-

What was that?!

Me: Ice falling off the roof. Don't freak out.

Fang: I'm not freakin out! At least, not as bad as you did when we were 'attacked'.

Me: Hey, that could've been anyone outside that door that afternoon! All I knew was that someone was making noises at the door an that we were home alone. Could've been a murderer, a robber, some kind of escaped freak,-

Fang: But it wasn't.

Me: - a rapist, a madman, aliens, my dad (the horror), an escaped prisoner, the Jehovah's Witnesses-

Fang: It was a raccoon.

Me: It was a big raccoon!

Fang But still, a raccoon. And you're gonna piss someone off with the Jehovah's Witness comment.

Me: Hey, I've got nothing against the Jehovah's Witnesses. It's just that the ones around here and my mom have an ongoing religious war that I'm not getting into.

Fang: What's that about?

Me: There's this one girl that, for some reason, tries at least once a year to convert my mom. I think they knew each other from school or something. Anyway, my mom refuses to be converted, hence the yearly war.

Fang: Oh. Does your mom fight with her?

Me: Fang, you've gotten to know Mom. What do you think?

Fang: I think she starts the fight.

Me: Usually. I think they take turns.

Fang: I hear more noises outside.

Me: Well, Fang, we're in the middle of a freaking snowstorm. It's called ice. It accumulates during snowstorms and falls off our roof. Anything else you'd like to know?

Fang: When's the storm gonna stop?

Me: Good question......shoveling tomorrow, I guess.

Fang: Yeah....

Me: Let's go check fanfiction again!

Fang: Ok!

-Jeopardy song again-

Me: Damnit.

Fang: Yeah...

Me: I'm gonna go find something productive to do. Like play 'Don't Shoot The Puppy'.

Fang: Sooooo productive....

-St. Fang

Fang: Does anyone think Saint'll mind that I'm posting all this stuff?

Oh, has anyone on Maximum-X read her questions to 'me'?

Anyway, so, how's your life?

Are you having a good day?

What'd you have for lunch?

Do you like Bon Jovi?

Or ramen noodles?

If ask you random questions enough times, will you answer them?

This is the second random question-filled comment I've left you. If I send, like, 200 more, will you finally answer them? I could, you know. I have no life....

If I kidnapped you, would you mind?

Would Iggy come along?

Ever eat lobster? I like lobster....

Did you have an unbearably cute lisp as a small child? I couldn't pronounce my 'Ls'. Lights came out 'Yights'.

Do you like snow?

If you had a kid, would you name it Justin? Would Iggy?

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Your elbow?

Have you ever heard of Jeff Dunham? You should look him up....

If you were given a free trip to India, where would you go first?

Can you ride a bicycle?

A motorcycle?

You've suddenly been turned into a vampire. First thoughts?

Would you ever consider being in a musical?

Am I annoying you?

Are you considering answering these?

Are you even reading them?

Do you like llamas?

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Who the heck is Deradoorian?

Do you hear what I hear?

Do you realize, by not answering comments, you are depressing a user named Kelsey?

And bob wants to know about kwango day.

Do you feel pretty?

And witty?

And gay?

Would you watch High School Musical?

Do you think Zac Efron's an emo crybaby?

Do you like apples?

Ever sing in the shower?

Bon Jovi or Queen?

What's Max doing right now?

Are you watching her?

Do you like watching her?

Do you watch her often?

Does she know you're watching her?

Am I prying?

Do you like Wal-Mart?

Ever act like a gangsta?

Ever dream of being famous? I mean, before you actually became famous.

Why is your name Fang?

Do you bite people?

Math or English?

Science or History?

Dancing With The Stars or American Idol?

Ever done the Cha Cha Slide?

If I met you, could I give you a hug?

Ever had sushi?

Is the Hokey Pokey really what it's all about?

How come you don't post fanfictions anymore?

Do you still read them?

Have you read mine?

What was the funniest thing you've ever seen/heard in your entire life?

I am posting this. I will watch for a reply. If not, I will continue to post. Unless I forget. Which is possible. Or if aliens attack my house. Then, I'll be bugging Daniel X instead.

-St. Fang of Boredom. (Obviously, not you.)

Fang: Wow, i think this is the longest thing ever posted on the Poetry Corner!

Saint: Hey! I'm making grilled cheese sandwiches!

Fang: OMC! Sweet! Ok, guys, I'm out!

Saint: Fang, what are you doing???

Fang: Nothin'......-presses the 'posting' button-

8. Chapter 8: The Week From Hell

So, for all of you who don't check my profile under 'Fanfiction Updates' (a smart thing to check, by the way.), I am now offiicially in Senior Play Tech. Week! A.K.A.: Hell Week!! Meaning, all week, I have to stay at the school until 9:00 at night doing rehearsals and technical stuff!!


Luckily, we've got a bit of down time, so I decided to update the corner...

Ok, so I should be updating Fly By Twilight: The Pack, but......I have minor writer's block. Just thought I'd mention that so I could ask if you guys had any ideas on what to do next.


Senior Play is driving me freaking nuts

This kid named Adam fell and got some cuts

Hey, Fang, come hang out with my friends

When is Hell Week gonna end??

Fang: It ends the day before Easter. That's your last performance day.

Me: That was kind of a hypothetical question.

Fang: So.....Tech. Week.

Me: Severe Lack of Sleep Week!

Fang: This should be a joy....

Me: So, let's think of some stuff to write/rhyme....Oh, I've got an idea! How about we translate that spanish stuff you said to yourself when you BROKE INTO MY POERTY CORNER???!!!

Fang: Uhhh....sorry?

Me: And revealed my secrets!! You wrote about my Hobbit Named Spiffy story!!!!

Fang: Saint...

Me: Don't try to be cute.

Fang: -Bambi Eyes-

Me: I didn't even know you, of all people, had that ability.

Fang: I have many talents. I'm-

Me: I know, I know, a ninja. Now, let's translate!

Hello, Fang, how are you?

Fine, thanks. You?

Fine. I hear you have a monkey in your pants?

Yes. Its name is Brave.

That is a good name.

Yes. And he can dance like a chicken!


Yes, with cheese!

Oh my God! No way!

Good, good-bye!

Fly just off!

Me: You may never again accuse me of having issues.

Fang: What? I was bored!

Me: Well, I'm gonna try to write some poetry now.........What to do, what to do......?

Fang: Something about your play?

Me: Hmmmm.....

Barefoot in the Park is an interesting play

Though now I have to hear of it all freaking day

I'd invite you all to come and see

But then you'd be able to find me!

Me: And we mustn't make it possible for me to be found....

Fang: Are you afraid of pedophiles and rapists?

Me: No, I'm afraid they'll take you away from me!

Fang: What a tragedy...............Hey! Where'd all these people come from?

Me: They must be changing scenes.....and costumes.

Fang: Yeah...

Girl: Hey, could you run down to Cumby's for me later?

Me: Sure, Keely!

Fang: Cumby's???? Oh! The gas station!

Me: Yeah.

Fang: The one with the awesomest slushies?

Me: Yes, that's the place!

Fang: We'll do it!

Me: I just told her that......

Fang: I like the slushies....

Me: I know....

Fang: I could drink slushies every day.

Me: Trust me, I know.

Fang: I like the red ones....

Me: Ok, Fang, we'll get you slushy....

-Please Hold While Saint and Fang Go Get Slushies-

-Elevator Music Plays-

-Saint and Fang Enter, Stage Left-

Fang: -is sucking down slushy-

Slushies are really, really yummy

They are good for my empty tummy

The red ones are the very best

The give me more energy than the rest!

Me: That's because they're caffinated. (God, help me.) And don't I do the rhyming around here?

Fang: Not since the last chapter....AHHH!!!! MONSTER!!!!!

Me: No, that's just a girl outside the window, knocking to come in.

Fang: Who is that girl?

Me: That's the Theatre Slave.

Fang: The Theatre Slave?

Me: She's our Director/Teacher's assistant, and therefore, our slave.

Fang: Nice. -slurps slushy-

Me: Fang, if that slushy and Max were falling off a cliff, and you could only save one, who would you save?

Fang: -slurps slushy- Hmmmm.....

Me: Please don't tell me you're thinking about it.

Fang: I'd save Max.

Me: Good.

Fang: Then make her buy me a new slushy.

Me: -smacks forehead-

Fang: -slurping slushy- -chokes- WTF?!

Me: What?

Fang: T-there's a girl.....getting dressed........right over there!! In plain sight!!!

Me: Haven't I ever brought you to a Tech Week before? We don't have dressing rooms, so we all get dressed in here.

Fang: Together?!

Me: Yep. No shame.


Me: -smacks-

Fang: I'm sorry, but she's right there! How am I supposed to not look? I'm not even looking because, know. It's just.....surprising! Shocking!

Me: Hey, you should have been here when Ryan ripped his pants during Sleepy Hollow! You could see his-

Fang: Ok! I don't think I want to know....AHH!!

Me: What now?

Fang: I saw....I saw her....

Me: Her what?

Fang: Her.......ummmm.......underthingy.....

Me: -stares- -bursts into hysterical laughter- Underthingy?????

Fang:.....Shut up.

Me: Fang, really.....What do you think Max wears?

Fang: -weird whining sound- -turns red-

Me: -laughing again-

Some Other Girl: What's so funny?

Me: Nothin'....

Girl: What are you typing? -tries to look-

Me: No!!! My precious! -hides laptop-

Girl: Whatever....-walks away-

Me: This lack of privacy is maddening...

Fang: Y-yeah...

Me: I've barely done anything close to poetry today....It's all you and me talking! It's like how everyone keeps asing us to do a story of just us talking!

Fang: Yep. Wanna rhyme something?

Me: Yeah.

This lack of privacy is quite maddening

And the lack of food here is quite saddening

We just got mac and cheese, but that's almost eaten

And some of these annoying people need to be beaten

Fang: I'm hungry.....I only got one little bowl of mac and cheese.

Me: Me too.

Fang: I wanna go home....

Me: Me too....

Fang: At least we agree.

Me: Yep.

Fang: You starting to get bored?

Me: Mmmmhmmm.....Let's go play Oregon Trail.

Fang: I'm for that plan.

Fang and Saint: Over and Out.

9. Chapter 9: Theme Day Equals Day Off

Saint and Fang are here!

And drinking root beer!

The skies are blue and clear!

And a day off's drawing near!

Yes, I shall have a day off of school tomorrow!

Fang: No you don't! -sips root beer- It's Wednesday. Your vacation doesn't start 'till next week!

Me: But I won't be in school tomorrow!


Me: I'm going to randomly come down with a case of the Avian Flu tomorrow, which will be magically cured the day after.

Fang: Ok.....

Me: Let me explain.

Tomorrow is Theme Day at our school

The people who came up with it are a bunch of tools

It's a waste of time, so here's a little tip

If you don't like Theme Day, do like me and skip!

Fang: You're skipping school?!?!

Me: Yep. I'm anti-Theme Day. And, technically, it's not skipping. Mom's calling me in sick. So, it's a sick day.

Fang: But you're not really sick.

Me: -fake cough- Yes I am! I could be dying!

Fang: Sure....

Me: I'm allergic to Theme Day.

Fang: What is Theme Day?

Me: Every year, our school has a different theme which we do a whole load of activities about it on a certain day. My freshman year, Community Service Day, in which we all went out into the community and did different forms of community service. That was the only Theme Day that had a point, since our school has a community service requirement.

Fang: The others?

Me: Sophmore Year, Make Your Point Day. You pick a point, and you make it! Or, more accurately, you listen to a bunch of other people make their point. Highlight of that day, Jean Paul Samputu, the MOST AWESOME AFRICAN SINGER EVER!!! Seriously, look the guy up! He's amazing! Go Rwanda!

Fang: Junior Year?

Me: Junior year, Asian Day. Learn everything Asian! Well, learn it if you go. I actually was sick that day. I heard it was boring, anyway. To many people just talking.

Fang: How about this year?

Me: Oh, you lovers of The Final Warning should love this: What is Your Carbon Footprint? Day. I'm sorry, not that saving the planet isn't important, but I think I know enough about it, thank you very much. Seriously. Besides, there was only one activity I wanted to do, the hike with Mr. Mehegan, but I didn't get it, so I'm not going.

Fang: You school skipper.

Me: Hey, I can use the free time to do important things! Like write my World Lit. essay, write fanfiction, apply to more scholarships/grants, write fanfiction, do my Early Childhood packet, write fanfiction...

Fang: We get it. Let's get back to poetry before we get too off-topic.

Me: Off-Topic.......Hot Topic!

Fang: A very interesting store.

Me: I got my Twilight stuff from there!

Hot Topic is very cool

Their Twilight stuff makes me drool

They have some other cool stuff, as well

A backpack with wings is what else they sell

Fang: And you have the backpack with wings.

Me: I lovest my winged things.

Fang: Yeah, I noticed. You've had about 5 pairs of wing earrings, a necklace with wings, and the backpack, just to name a few.

Me: And all because of Jimmy P's awesome book.

Fang:.....So.....Now what?

Me: Well, I was hoping, after I'd updated this, I'd put one of my new fics up.

Fang:....Which one?

Me: I don't know, why?

Fang: Please don't put up the angsty one.

Me: But I want to put up the angsty one!

Fang: But that's the one where I get- No, I don't want to say it.

Me: Why?

Fang: Maybe if I don't say it, it will never happen.

Me: Fat chance.

Fang:.......What about the therapy one?

Me: Yeah, that's funny...

Fang: Or the Hobbit Named Spiffy.

Me: Spiffy!

Spiffy is the very best!

He'll pass every coolness test

He's name is very weird, no less

His full name is Spifulis!

Fang: That sounds disturbingly like 'syphilis'.

Me: Which reminds me of chlamydia...

Fang: Which is not a flower.

Me: Why are we suddenly discussing STDs?

Fang: No clue. By the way, you never did tell me what Midol was...

Me: -rolls eyes- Ok......-whispers to Fang-

Fang: .......WHAT?

Me: -nods-

Fang: Seriously?

Me: -nods-

Fang: That really happens...

Me: -nods-

Fang: Ewww....

Me: You're telling me!

Fang:.....Even Max?

Me: -nods-


Me: You wanted to know!

Fang: I don't think I did.

Me: Let's find a way to get past this awkward moment.....

Max and Fang may someday marry

I can imagine that event getting pretty hairy

What if some Erasers dropped in?

It would sure give 'For Better or For Worse' a new spin!

Me: Hmmm....That would make a good fic......I'll remember that....

Fang: I think we'll have our wedding in a freaking bullet-proof tank.


Fang: Wait! Woah! I didn't say that!

Me: You guys heard it! Fang and Max are getting married!

Fang: NO! I did NOT say that!

Me:.....Aren't you guys a little young, though?

Fang: Yeah, which is why we're not-

Me: That is so irresponsible! And just not a good idea! Not to mention a bad example!

Fang: -sighs- Ok, we'll wait.......

Me: Besides! You can't get away for a wedding! You're here with me!

Fang: Like I could forget......

Me: Oh, you better name a kid after me!

Fang: I think it's a little cruel to make a kid go through life with the name 'Saint'.

Me: And think if the kid turned out to be a complete brat?

Fang: Ha ha.

There once was a child named Saint Ride

She was the most spoiled brat alive

She drove her mother and father insane

She was a complete and total pain.

Fang: Nice to talk about my unborn and unconceived children like that.

Me: Well, you talk about Justin like he doesn't exist!

Fang: He doesn't!!

Me: How do you know?

Fang: Even if it was at all possible for Iggy to have a child, which it is not, I would think I would remember that particular event.

Me: Maybe it was artificial insemination.

Fang: Wouldn't I remember something about that?

Me: Could've saved it from when you were at the school. Part of an experiment you were knocked out for or something.

Fang:....Iggy's still not able to have a child.

Me: What about if they found a way to transplant those reproductive organs into Iggy?

Fang: I don't want to go any farther into this....

Me: Why?

Fang: It's getting disturbing....

Me: Like my angsty fic?


Me: Ok, I think Fang's having a mental breakdown. Might have something to do with the root beer. So, I'll stop here.

Fang: MOMMY!! Or....errrr...... TEST TUBE!!!

Me: Yeah....

10. Chapter 10: Dialysis, Sadmits, & Esther

Dialysis is not much fun

I'm sure glad I'm not the one

To spend my day with needles in me

Why Mom complains, I can sometimes see

Fang: So, are we dedicating this chapter to dialysis?

Me: -shrugs- Why the heck not? My Mom's on it, I did my Senior Project on it...

Fang: We're in a Dialysis Unit....

Me: Yeah, that helps.

Fang: This place gives me the creeps.


Fang: They stick needles in people. Why not?

Me: Point.

Fang: So, how about you explain to the nice people what dialysis is?

Me: Well.....

Fang: Please don't try to rhyme it. You can't rhyme it. It's-


If your kidneys start to fail

Then your blood begins to go stale

You still have some options, friend

Dialysis will stop your end!

Fang: Ok, I hope that made you happy.

Me: It did.

Fang: Now try explaining it in a way that's actually understandable.

Me: Ok, so everyone (minus some poor people who were born without them) has two kidneys. Kidneys are fist-sized organs located in the middle of your back and are shaped like beans. (Kidney Beans, anyone?)

Fang: I think there's some in your Mom's soup.

Me: I didn't actually want any beans. It was a joke! Oh, nevermind....

Anyway, your kidneys filter your blood. They get all the crap and extra fluid out of your body, therefore, keeping you alive. See, if they don't filter all that stuff out, you die. A slow death, too. End of story.

Fang: Ewww...

Me: Unfortunately, people's kidneys do fail. But, luckily, in our wonderful modern age, we have invented dialysis and kidney transplants!

Fang: Yay!

Me: You've just run out of things to say, haven't you?


Me: Anyway, I think kidney transplants are kind of self-explanatory, so I'll explain dialysis. In dialysis, a machine does what your kidneys used to do before they went kablooey. It filters all the crap out. It also involves needles, which is why Fang hates coming here.

Fang: I've gotten over it a bit. As long as I can stay in the waiting room, I'm fine.

Me: There are two types of dialysis, and-

Fang: Maybe you should explain your interest in this....subject.

Me: Oh, yeah. Well, to start off, there are about two-gazillion ways your kidneys could possibly fail, and I'm not going to list them, because I'm probably boring you enough already.

Fang: -yawn-

Me: -whacks with herring- One of the ways is if you develop the genetic disease, Polycystic Kidney Disease, which is where your kidneys fill up with disgusting cysts. My Mom has this disease. (Thank God I'm adopted. As I said, it's genetic.)

Fang: Once again, ewww...

Me: So, Mom's on dialysis. As you may be able to guess, this disease, which I don't even have, can practically rule my life. Heck, I'm writing about it now!

Fang: You write about everything that bugs you. If you hadn't been sick, Avian Flu would have never been born.

Me: Once again, point.

Fang: Ummmm.....we need some poetry somewhere. We have none.

Me: Ooo! Random poetry!

I am ranting

I am raving

My own thoughts

On Fanfiction I'm saving

I'm self-centered

I won't lie

But I really

Like Pie!

Fang: Yeah....Pie?

Me: Pie!

Fang: Pie.

Me: Pie!!!

Fang: Pie?

Me: 3.14!!!

Fang: Pi.

Me: Pie.....

Fang: Hi!

Me: Tie!

Fang: Sigh.

Me: Lie.

Fang: Fie!

Me: Sly!

Fang: Why?

Me: Ay!

Fang: Bye!

Me: -le gasp- Don't go!

Fang: I'm not. It just rhymed.

Me: Good. I don't want you to go!!

Fang: I can't. I'm still kidnapped. Besides, face it, if I left, you'd fall apart. Ever notice I remember everything for you?

Me: -huggles- You do care!

Fang: No! I'm just pointing out the truth!

Me: You caring little bird-boy!

Fang: Grrrr.....

Me: You're so cute when you're uncomfortable!

Fang can be so caring and kind

When he has it in his mind

He just doesn't like to admit

That his emotionlessness can possibly slip

Fang: 'Admit' and 'Slip' don't rhyme...

Me: You try to rhyme 'Admit'.

Fang: Ummm....Sadmit.

Me: That's not a word.

Fang: Uh, yeah it is! It means....errr....To have a bad mit!


Fang: Like in baseball! If your baseball mit has a hole, you have a Sadmit!

Me: You are probably the worst liar I've ever met. It was a good thing you were unconcious when Max was coming up with that whole thing about your parents being missionaries. You probably would've said your parents were Adam and Eve. Or Abraham and Sarah. Or Mary and Joseph. Esther and Xerxes.

Fang: Who and who?

Me: -sigh- Esther and Xerxes? Xerxes, the guy who attacked Sparta, King of Persia? Esther, probably one of the bravest Jewish women to ever live?

Fang: Never heard of 'em...

Me: -throws Bible at Fang- Go look it up!

Fang: -is rubbing forehead where Bible whacked it- Not in your King James Version one!

Me: Why?

Fang: I don't speak King James's language.

Me: Nevermind, I'll explain it all later. Anyway.............were we discussing anything important?

Fang: Errrrr................Dialysis?

Me: Oh, yeah! Ummm.....Yeah.

Fang: Well, we're just wasting space now, huh?

Affie: What are you guys doing?

Me: Affie! Everyone, this is Affie, my adoptive Aunt and my Mom's best friend.

Affie: Who are you talking to?

Me: My reviewers!

Affie: Ok.......These are your crazy stories, aren't they?

Me: -nods-

Affie: Like that one you were telling me about where Fang found out about Midol?

Fang: -cringes- -whimpers-

Me: Yep!

Affie: I don't wanna know... -goes back to crosswords-

Me: Yay for random Affieness!!!

Fang: Hey, can we go home yet?

Me: Not until I think of something else to rhyme!

I am in a waiting room

I wish something would go boom

This place is very boring indeed

Let's feed Fang some bird seed!

Fang: Or.....not.

Me: Hey, I've got an idea! Let's plan a playdate for you and Iggy with Baak and Chaos!!! (Baakthatsthesoundachickenmakes and overrated chaos-and sugar.)

Fang: ....You mean the crazy Mountain Dew person? That Chaos?

Me: -nods-

Fang: B-but...

Me: You get to see Iggy....

Fang: A familiar face. Point.

Me: And Pooky and Spiffy get to see Puck!

Pooky and Spiffy: And win our money back!!!

Fang: Well.....

Me: We're wasting time here, anyway.

Fang: I'll see.

Me: Whatever. I'm out!

Fang: Ditto.

11. Chapter 11: Rants and Adam's Ego

So, this is something I wrote in English class to let out some anger and I decided to post it here. Hope you don't mind ranting....

Hey, who hates having stuff they write read and criticized by, like, your entire freaking English class???

Fang: Saint does!

Me:.....Thanks, Fang. So, I'm in Mehegan's class right now, and he has a paragraph of my essay up on the projector and he has the entire class picking it apart! They're changing it!!

Fang: They don't know it's yours.

Me: Still! I don't like my essay being picked apart! It's one thing for the teacher to do it, it's his job and I knew he would when I wrote it, but to hear the stupid class criticize it the way they do, and, the worst, listen to them change it, I'm going nuts! They're changing my writing!!

Fang: A mortal sin, in Saint's book.

Me: I am a Saint, after all.

Fang: In your own mind.

Me: Whatever. I'm just pissed off right now, so I'm ranting in my notebook rather than watching them rip my poor essay to bits. Heck, I don't even know if I'll post my rant anywhere.

Fang: You could add it to the Poetry Corner. That's basically your rant central.

Me: True....They're changing my list!!

Fang: What?

Me: You know where I listed the main character's traits?

Fang: Where you called him a sexist pig?

Me: Yes! They're changing it!

Fang: And they stuck a semi-colon in there.

Me: And they're taking out my rhetorical questions! Gah! These people know nothing about dramatic writing!

Fang: -rolls eyes- Here we go....

Me: I was supposed to be in Advanced Placement English this year, people, if it wasn't for scheduling conflicts! I know how to write! Some of you can barely spell. Oh, oh, and screw you Adam! Oh, take out my question and add your own sentence! How about I take out your spleen and replace it with my butcher knife? Huh? Huh?

Fang: Violent...

Me: Well, he's killing my writing! He's cutting me out of my paragraph! THIS IS PISSING ME OFF!!!

Fang: Calm down....

Me: I AM #!%##$^$# CALM!!!!!

Fang: -hides under desk- Ok....

Me: Hey, at least I'm letting all my anger out in a notebook. I could be letting it out on the class.

Fang: Good point.

Me: Or you.

Fang: Very good point.

Me: You realize I'm going to have to listen to them read my paragraph after they've cut me out of it.

Fang: Yeah....

Me: I might scream....

Fang: Please don't....

Me: Someday, when I'm a famous writer, I shall laugh in all their faces.

Fang: You could hit them with the herring, or-


Fang: What?

Me: Adam just said my writing sounded like I was drunk at a bar! That little %%^&$$%!!!!!

Fang: Ok....

Me: Him and his stupid Alaska-sized ego....

Fang: I know, I know....

Me: and now Mehegan's doing his 'we must use formal writing' rant. I hate formal writing.

Fang: Well, it's ok, Saint, they've moved on to someone else's paragraph. It's over.

Me: It is NOT over! Drunk at a bar.....

Fang: Saint, let it go....

Me: Well, I guess he would know! He's the one who goes to parties and, as he put it, 'burned sage to charge the positive ions in the atmosphere'.

Fang: He smokes pot?

Me: Yes! He's admitted it! Of course, stupid Adom thinks he's so perfect! #^^*!!! I hope his appendix is ripped out by a wild nargle!

Fang: Ok, Saint.....

Me: Drunk at a bar.....How does the phrase, 'To put it simply...' make me sound like I'm drunk at a bar? He's so rude!

Fang; He doesn't know it's yours....

Me: He knows the person who wrote it is in the room! What is so wrong with constructive criticism?

Fang: Maybe you should go back to writing that story about Cor. Get your mind off this.

Me: I will.....Right after I write a cute little story about Adam....

Once upon a time, Adam was driving his car down a country road in New England. He was listening to his Classical Music CD, which he listened to so people would think he was smarter than them. Everything he did was so people would think he was the smartest. He dressed overly-nicely and used big words.

To put it simply, he was a big, fat, pain in the ass.

As Adam was driving along, he looked on the side of the road and saw, of all things, a penguin.

"A penguin? In New England?" He thought. "How strange....Hey! If I had a pet penguin, I'd be cooler than everyone else at school! No one has a pet penguin!"

He pulled over and got out of his perfect, little car. "Here penguin, here boy." He called, sexistly assuming the penguin was male.

Suddenly, something hit him on the back of the head and he was out cold.


Later, he awoke to find himself in the middle of the woods. He sat up, looking around. He laid eyes on a strange group of people; A girl, a boy with wings, a very small man, and the penguin. One of them had a familiar face.

"Hey, Saint!" Adam said. "What are you doing? Is this a joke? Ewww....I have mud on my new shoes! Hey, why are you in a cloak? I demand to know! Ahhh! My shirt is wrinkled!"

"Hey, anybody reminded of that Katy Perry song, Ur So Gay?" asked the small man.

As the others laughed, Saint stepped forward. "Adam, you have been brought out here to be punished."

"Punished?!" Adam asked, surprised. Adam didn't get punished often. "Punished for what?"

Saint rolled her eyes. "For being a complete tool." She grinned evilly. "Now you shall be beaten..."

"With a herring?" Fang asked.

Saint shook her head. "Oh, no. I shall use something much more dangerous than that..."

"What?" Pooky asked.

"Adam's own ego."


So, Saint beat Adam with his own oversized ego until not only had Adam learned his lesson, but his ego had been worn down to an acceptable size.

And no one ever had to hear Adam insult them or say 'Speaking from personal experience...' again.


12. Chapter 12: Senior Trip!

I would like to take this opportunity to recap on Friday's Senior Trip. W00T!!!!


-on bus-

Me: Woo-Hoo! Tripness! Are we there yet?

Fang: We haven't left the school yet.

Me: Brystol, are we there yet?

Brystol (Bestest Friend):

Me: Tanis, are we there yet?

Tanis (ex-boyfriend, but still friend.): No....

Me: Anthony, are we there yet?

Anthony: No.

Me: Kyle, are we-

Kyle: Don't even try it.

Me: Mrs. Cullison, are we there-

Mrs. Cullison (From here on called K. Cull): No!

Me: Are we-

Everyone on bus: SHUT THE F--K UP!

Me: Gosh, how rude!

Fang: -smacks forehead- -sighs-

Me: Fang, guess what?

Fang: Do I dare? Ok, what?

We're going on a Senior Trip

I think I could just about flip

It's gonna be so much fun

We'll have fun by the ton!

Fang: You are not going to rhyme through the trip.

Me: We'll see....

-bus starts up-

Me: Yay! We're leaving! Are we there yet?

Everyone: -smacks forehead- -sighs-


-on the way-

Me and Brystol: -singing random Fall Out Boy songs- There's a light on in Chicago!

Fang: -sitting next to Tanis- So....What's that thing again?

Tanis: Nintendo DS.

Fang: And the game?

Tanis: Final Fantasy.

Fang: Oh.....

Tanis: You don't have to make conversation if you don't want.

Fang: Oh, good! -listens to ipod- (Yes, Fang has his own ipod.)

Brystol: Hey! We're going by Nick's house!

Me: Hey, everyone! We're going by Brystol's boyfriend's house!

Everyone: -looks-

Me: There it is!

Fang:....And there it goes....

Me: Exciting!

Fang: Sure...

Me: Yeah....Are we there yet?

Fang: Saint! Give it up!

Josh (NOT the guy I went to prom with. He's not here.): Hey, K. Cull?

K. Cull: Yeah, Josh?

Josh: Are we close? I think I'm gonna be sick.

Everyone: -backs away-

Fang:......Are we there yet?


-at the beach-

Me: We're there!

Everyone: Yay!

Josh: Thank God....

K. Cull: My thoughts exacty....

-everyone gets off bus-

P.W.: OMG, a train track, a boardwalk...You know what this means, right?

Fang: What?

P.W.: There must be a bum around somewhere!

Fang: Ummm....ok....

Me: Hey, Brystol, you can invite him to live in your cardboard box park!

Brystol: Awesome!

Fang: Good luck with that....

Me: Oooo...We should adveritise!

Living in a cardboard box

Is better than living in your socks

Living in socks may really stink

And you can paint your box bright pink!

Fang: Huh?


Me: Heh, heh....Awkward....


-at an arcade-

Me: Look at all my pretty tokens!

Fang: Yeah....

Me: Fang, you need to lighten up. Even Tanis has lightened up!

Fang: Yeah, well that's just 'cause there's video games.

Tanis: Hey, Mario! Shooting games! Old school stuff! Sweet!

Me: Yeah...

Brystol: We could get food...

Fang: Food?

Me: That got his attention...

-at food place-

Brystol: Hey, look, they have slush puppies!

Me: -looks at Fang mischieviously- I have an idea......

-after eating and giving Fang a slushie-

Fang: -still drinking slushie- Hey! Hey, Saint! Let's try that game! The one with the balls, and the uhhh...holes, and-

Me: Skee-Ball?

Fang: Yeah!

Brystol: it's the slushies that make him hyper....

Me: Yep. Useful, huh?

Slushies have an effect on Fang

They make him go off light a rocket with a bang

He suddenly develops some Nudge-like traits

After a slushie he has ate

Brystol: Why do you keep randomly rhyming things?

Me: Don't ask.

Brystol: It's about your roleplaying stories, isn't it?

Me: I'm not authorized it answer that question.

Brystol: Ok......


-after playing many games with Brystol and Fang and all of us win many tickets-

Me: Hey! Let's go trade in tickets for cool stuff! This is more awesome than Chuckie Cheese!

Fang:....You really are an oversized child, you know that?

Me: And proud of it!

Brystol: I'm gonna get something for Nick.....How about this stuffed animal whale?

Me: Awww...He's cute! Hey, they have an orca! I want that!

Fang: I'll take the shark.

Me: Fang? Getting a stuffed animal?

Fang: -shrugs- It'll make a good pillow.... Can I get another slushie??

Me: -hands money- Go get it.

Fang: Sweet! -runs off-

Me: -sigh-

P.W.: I've got an awesome alien necklace!!!!

Me: P.W., you're a special person....

P.W.: Thanks, girlfriend! (Btw, PW is a guy.)

Me: -sigh-

Fang: I got a slushie!

Me: -double sighness-


-back at the beach- -on the boardwalk-

Me: How long 'till we get to go on the cruise boat?

Brystol: -shrugs- An hour?

Fang: -still drinking slushie- -singing- Under the boardwalk!

Me: Ok, Fang, too much slushieness for you....

Fang: Awww....-slurps slushie-

-Kyle, Anthony, and Tanis walk up-

Kyle: Where'd you get the slushie, Fang?

Fang: Back at the arcade. -slurps slushie-

Kyle: Damn.

Tanis: Can I have some?

Fang: Never!! -hisses-

Tanis: -backs away-

Anthony: Down, boy!

Brystol and I: -shake heads-

-group of preppy girls from my class walk by-

Gwen: -is in tight bathing suit that leaves nothing to imagination- And it was, like, totally, like-

Brystol: Ew. I don't care how skinny you are, that's just ew.

Me: Agreed. -turns to guys- Don't look at her! She's gross!

Guys: -look and look away-

Fang: Isn't that indecent exposure?

Me: Should be.


-at cruise boat- (It's not a big cruise ship, it's just on a lake. It's a boat.)

Me: Yay, water!

Fang: Yay, food!

Josh: Yay, seasickness....

Everyone: -backs away-

Class Advisor: Everyone, please sign in with your chaperone and board the ship!

Chaperone: If you were on bus 12, over here!

Brystol: That's us!

Chaperone: You are?

Brystol: Brystol.

Chaperone: And you?

Me: Merriweather Constance Carisa TutiFruti Excalibur.


Me: You can call me Saint.

Chaperone: Yeah......You?

Fang: Fang.

Chaperone: -sighs- Seriously!

Fang: It's really Fang.

Chaperone: Sure....

Me: -grabs clipboard and checks Fang's name- Let's go!


-on the boat-

We're on a boat

It's really fun

I hope this day

Will never be done!

Tanis: Will you stop rhyming everything?

Me: Never!

Fang: The food here is awesome!

Me: To you, the food anywhere is awesome.

Fang: -eats and nods-

-Adam and Gwen are dancing extremely innapropriately on dance floor-

Me: I think I might be sick.....

Fang: Ditto.

Brystol: Ditto Ditto.

Fang: Maybe you should beat him with his own ego again...

Me: Can't. Too many witnesses. Just ignore them. -ignores- Hey, Tanis, who do you have on the phone?

Tanis: Andrew.

Me: OMC! -grabs phone- Hey, Andrew! How's Pooky?

Andrew: Great. He and Spiffy are playing video games.

Me: Awesome!

-phone makes weird beepy noise-

Me: Oh, the phone beeped at me! I'll give it back to Tanis.

Brystol: Hey, we should go over to the dance floor!

Me: Yeah!

Fang and Tanis: No!

Me: We're going! -grabs Fang and drags to dance floor-


-Brystol, Fang, P.W., and I dancing to Hot 'N Cold by Katy Perry-

Me: -le gasp- Fang, you couldn't, no....are you having fun?!?!

Fang: Fun? What is this 'fun' you speak of?

Me: Very funny. You've actually stayed on the dance floor for the entire time we've been here!

Fang: -shrugs- Can't go anywhere else. They ran out of food.

Me: -sigh-

P.W.: You're hot and you're cold, you're yes and you're no! -randomly hugs Fang-

Fang: WTF?

P.W.; What? Are you homophobic?

Me: Yes, yes he is...

Fang: Am not!

P.W.: Then dance with me! -begins making Fang dance- You're hot then you're cold, you're yes, then you're no!

Me and Brystol: You're in then you're out. You're up, then you're down!

Fang: I want out!

P.W. -jumps in air- -breaks lightbulb- Oops...


-getting off boat-

Me: That was so much fun! We have to do that again!

Fang: We'll make plans.

Brystol: Class reunion?

Me: Good idea.

-everyone gets on bus to go home-

Me: -calling Mom and Affie- Yeah, so we're just leaving.

Affie: And I'm going to bed! Hope you can find a ride home!

Me: Ha, ha. Yeah.

K. Cull: Josh, are you ok?

P.W.: He took some car sick meds and he's asleep.

K. Cull: Oh, good. Maybe we've avoided car sickness.....

Brystol: This whole trip was actually fun.

Me: Definetely.

Fang: I'm going to swallow my pride and agree. It was fun. Wow, that felt weird coming out of my mouth.

Me: Fang, I'm proud of you. You said the word 'fun'.

Fang: Yeah, big day for me.

Anthony: It was awesome. And I got new dirtbiking goggles!

Fang: Good for you....

Kyle: Great way to waste a school day.

Me: I know! Do you think Mehegan misses us?


-bus starts up-

Me: Are we there yet?

Everyone: NO, SAINT! F---ING NO!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Ok.....


-on way home-

K. Cull: We've avoided car sickness!

Tasha: Hey, Kayla's gonna be sick back here!

K. Cull: Damn.


Me: So, all in all, the Senior Trip was a success! Even Ego-Boy Adam didn't bother me! And Fang learned about fun!

Fang: Yeah, yeah, don't completely ruin my image.

Me: What image? You really want to keep you're 'Angsty Emo' image?

Fang: No....but....

Me: Yes?

Fang: Oh, whatever. It

Me: Yay! -hugs Fang-

Fang: Ok....Claustrophobia? It's me, Fang!

Me: Ok, ok...

Fang: Hey, Saint? Was P.W. the inspiration for Cody?

Me: Partially....How'd you know?

Fang: Lucky guess.....

13. Chapter 13: Adoption and Fang's Love

Once again, I'm extremely pissed and need to rant, so I'm on here.

But this time, it isn't stupid school stuff.

I stumbled across an anti-adoption website....

I didn't know those existed..

Oh, yeah, I need poetry for this thing...

Those anti-adoption people no nothing

Their heads are full of turkey stuffing

Could someone hand something pointy and sharp?

Then I'll wrap their dead bodies in a tarp.

Me: -pulls out sharp knife- DEATH TO THE IGNORANT FOOLS!!!

Fang: -grabs my arm- Saint, please, no mass murders tonight...

Me: B-but...

Fang: I know. They make you very angry. Heck, they make me angry. But murder makes the cops angry, and we need to avoid making them angry.

Me: Yeah...Well, to explain to the good reviewers why I'm angry, I'm adopted. I'm extremely pro-adoption, and these sites were just giving out all this completely false information. Heck, the woman who made one of those sites admitted that she'd never had any personal adoption experiences, she just looked it up for school and decided she was anti-adoption. Now, she's an 'expert'. Sheesh.

Fang; Don't you just love those 'experts'.

Me: Yeah, especially when they've never even lived what they're an 'expert' on......Anyway, I'd like to make a list of adoption myths that I either saw on these sites or experienced in my life:

Adoption Myths

1. Mothers who put their babies up for adoption are 'copping out'.

2. Children who are adopted have 'issues'.

3. All children who are adopted resent being adopted. They are angry at their birth mothers for not thinking they are 'good enough'.

4. All adopted children are not treated the same as born children.

5. Adopted children are sociopaths who are likely to become serial killers.

Fang: Sorry to break in, but, seriously?

Me: Seriously.

Fang: Well, you maybe, but not all adopted kids.

Me: -whacks Fang-

6. All adopted children suffer some kind of disorder such as Attachment Disorder.

7. All adopted children are ashamed of being adopted.

8. All adopted children feel that their adoptive parents just chose them like groceries at a store and don't feel the same way about them that they would feel about their own child.

9. All parents who adopt hide from their child that they are adopted, at least to a certain age.

10. Mothers who put their babies up for adoption have something wrong with them.

11. Children who are put up for adoption have something wrong with them that caused their parents to put them up for adoption.

Me: You have no idea how fired-up I am right now. My birth mother did not 'cop out', she gave to someone who could give me a better life than she could at the time. I do not have 'issues'.

Fang: At least not in the way they're saying it...

Me: I love being adopted. I think it's cool. And I happen to know and love my birth mother who thought I was good enough to have a good life. I am treated no differently than any other kid I know.

Despite what Fang thinks, I am not a sociopathic serial killer.

I do not have any disorders.

I am a proud adoptee.

I do not feel like a grocery. I feel special.

Fang: Special.....bus....

Me: -whacks Fang- I don't find jokes about children with special needs funny, either.

Fang: Sorry....

Me: Anyway, my parents never hid that I was adopted. I knew it since I was old enough to understand speech. Never thought it was weird or anything. It just was. It was part of me, like my arm or leg. Perfectly normal.

My birth mother has nothing wrong with her.

And there's nothing wrong with me!

Fang: We could debate that...

Me: Do you like getting whacked?

Fang: Actually, I'm building up an immunity to it.

Me: Damn.

Fang: So, since I feel like I should get to have an opinion, I think adoption is cool, nothing wrong with it. As long as you don't get adopted by the School, that is. Heck, your Mom's practically adopted me. She gives me chores now.

Mom: Speaking of chores, Fang, could you go check the laundry?

Fang: But Saint's ranting!

Mom: Fang!

Fang: Ok....-goes to check laundry-

Me: Fang has so many multiple uses....everyone should kidnap one! Except there's only one...

Fang is the only Fang there is

On many topics, he is a whiz

I'm so glad to have that kid

Wouldn't auction him off, he's worth more than any bid

Me: Fang is special....Anyway, while we're waiting for him to return, I'd like to mention my other reason for updating. The reviewer Live2read,Luv2laugh. Seriously, I thought I was going to have a casualty on my hands after that review. Sounded like that reviewer was dying...Let me show you...

Please...Please...just...just update soon -moans in tone that no human being or avian/human being should ever, ever, EVER have to endure- please...its all i want...its all anybody wants that bothers to suffering from nolaughinghumor-kemia...I NEED THIS STORY...I NEED THIS FANFIC...HELP ME NOW! -becomes almost mortally wounded--wakes up- or i will have my BFF Erica eat you! she will...

Plus, whoever Erica is, I don't want her to eat me.

...I knew a girl named Erica who had multiple personalities. And one of those personalities had a crush on me, and the other on my best friend Brystol.

I wish I had made that up....

Fang: -returns- So, the laundry that was in the washer is now in the dryer. Great. So, what are we talking about now?

Me: Well, I was thinking of mentioning the fact that a certain writer wants to write a story about us...

Fang: Nevermind, I'm going back in the basement...

Me: Get back here! Anyway, one of my lovely reviewers of Day in Therapy, Bellagail, wants to write a Saint + Fang story! Awesome!

Fang: Why does my life suck?

Me: Since when does your life suck?

Fang: Well, for the newest oneshot in Fanfiction Meets YouTube, you turned me into a banana...

Me: So?

Fang: Then you squished me.

Me: Oh, yeah...Hee hee hee....

Fang: And now you might be a sociopathic serial killer...


Fang: Chill! I was kidding!

Me: I know, I love to scare you.

Fang: I love not being scared.

Me: I love when you are scared.

Fang: I love when I'm free.

Me: I love when you're here.

Fang: I love when I'm here and you're not.

Me: I love when I'm here and you are.

Fang: I love when you rant and I get to see you all upset.

Me: to rant!

Fang: I love it when we actually agree on something.

Me: I love it when we agree on more than one thing.

Fang: I love it when we get slushies at school.

Me: I love it when we run into P.W. at school.

Fang: I love it when we don't.

Me: I love to annoy you.

Fang: I love to annoy you.

Me: I love you!

Fang: I when you try and trick me into saying things and fail.

Me: You almost said it, though.

Fang: I did not. And even if I did, it's not like I'd mean it. You tricked me.

Me: Actually, we learned in Honors Psychology that sometimes, when you say things without meaning to, those are the things you actually mean. Slips of the toungue.

Fang: I don't think that's 100 percent accurate.

Me: It's close enough for me....

Fang: Saint, I don't love you.

Me: I love you.

Fang: I don't love you.

Me: I love you.

Fang: I don't love you.

Me: I love you.

Fang: I don't love you.

Me: I love you.

Fang: I don't love you.

Me: I love you.

Fang: I don't love you.

Me: I love you.

Fang: I don't love you.

Me: I love you.

Fang: I don't love you.

Me: I love you.

Fang: I don't love you.

Me: I love you.

Fang: I don't love you.

Me: I love you.

Fang: I don't love you.

Me: I don't love you.

Fang: I love you. Wait, I-

Me: I WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fang, Ok, we get it. Enough exclamations...

Me: You love me.

Fang: I do not.

Me: You loooooooove me!

Fang: Get a life.

Me: You love me this much! -holds out arms-

Fang: Nice job stealing quotes from the book.

Me: Fang, does that mean I get a kissy?

Fang; -jumps- NO!!!! -runs away-

Me: Torture is fun....

14. Chapter 14:Graduation and Poetry Returns

Ok, four things.

First of all, Erica, I never meant to compare you to the Erica I know, I just kind of mentioned the other Erica because I'm random like that. Don't worry, I do not think you're some multiple-personality gay freak. Please don't eat me.

Live2rtead,Luv2laugh, I am glad you're not dying anymore! Yay! And I'll update Fly By Twilight after I update Double Date, which will hopefully be soon. It would be now, but I accidentally saved the chapter I was working on on my computer at home, and I'm in school right now.

Third, because of multiple attempts from multiple people to kidnap Fang from me, he's no longer living full time in my basement. He now lives in my closet. And no, don't bother trying to get there. No one who enters my room escapes it alive except me, Fang, and my cat, Sasha, and that's only because we have permission from the Dark Creatures of the Under-My-Bed. Seriously, I'm scared to go in there. You're not getting Fang! Ha!

Fang: Damn.

Me: Finally, Poisonrose22.5 mentioned that I don't write Poetry anymore and that she misses it. So, for Poisonrose...

I'm going to do poetry today

Everybody shout hooray!

The terrible rhyming stuff is back

And Fang just ate some Cheesy Mac!

Fang: ....You've really got to find some better rhymes

Me: Well, you're the one eating cheesy mac for breakfast!

Fang: What? I'm hungry!

Me: It's 8:14 in the morning! We're in Mehegan's class!

Fang: Our last class with him...

Me: Oh, yes.

This is our last class of World Lit.

The last time in these chairs we'll sit

On Friday we both graduate

6:30 pm, we can't be late!

Me: Yep, after this class and Early Childhood, we will never attend another class in High School.

Fang: Wow...

Me: And in case you're wondering what we're doing Thursday, we have Senior Breakfast and Graduation Rehearsal.

Fang: Wow...

Me: What?

Fang: I'm graduating....With you.

Me: Yeah....We've been over this.

Fang: You realize, if you hadn't kidnapped me, I wouldn't graduate?

Me: So, you finally realize this isn't all bad, huh?

Fang: Well, it's just mostly bad.

Me: Awww...Fang! -huggles-

Fang: Oh, great...

Random Student: Fang! Saint! Sign my yearbook!

Fang and Me: -sigh-

Signing Yearbooks is getting old

Older than that cheese with mold

That's in the refrigerator at home

Or my neighbor's garden gnome.

Student: -stares- -walks away-

Fang: Finally....

Me: Fang? Did you see what I wrote in your yearbook?

Fang: Do I dare? -looks-

Fang and Saint

Kissing in a tree


First comes love

Second comes marriage

Third comes Christian/Athena in a baby carriage!

Fang: -sigh- Saint...

Me: -hysterical laughter-

Fang: You're impossible...

Mehegan: -jokingly- I hope I have everyone's books, 'cause if I don't, you'll be hearing from my lawyer.

Me: -more laughter-

Fang: You have a lawyer?

Mehegan: The school's lawyer.

Me: We have lawyers!

Mehegan: Who?

Me: DoWeCheat'Em and How.

Mehegan: Very funny...

I'm going to miss Mr. Mehegan

I don't know what rhymes with 'Mehegan'

He's one of the funniest teachers I know.

I am almost sad to go

Fang: Don't worry. You can come back to see him. You'll still be in town.

Me: You mean 'we'.


Me: What? You think I'm letting you go?

Fang: A guy can dream...

Me: After I got you all enrolled in college with me, and you wanna go-


Me: Duh! Why do you think you're getting a scholarship at Award's Night?

Fang: I thought they made a mistake...

Me: Nope. You're coming with me so the fun can continue!

Fang: -sarcasm- Joy....

Me: Oh, and you've got to get a job.

Fang: Double Joy....

Fang and I are going to college

We're gonna get a lot more knowledge

It's gonna be one heck of a blast

A step to the future and a step out of the past

Fang: That last line was poetic.

Me: I know. I'm so proud. Oh, and guess what?

Fang: Oh, God, what?

My best friend Brystol will be there, too

It's gonna be so much fun, woo-hoo!

Me: I could only get two lines.

Fang: Saint?

Me: Yeah?

Fang: Am I ever gonna see the Flock again, or should I send Max my resignation from Second-in-Command letter?

Me: Who knows....Well, if you never see Max again...

Fang: What?

Me: I'm single!

Fang: -sigh- Seriously, Saint...

Me: Wanna go on a date sometime?

Fang: What?! No, I-

Me: Ramunto's Pizza. I'll pay.

Fang: ........We'll go as friends....



I'm going on a date with Fang

Guess this might kill any Mang

But I don't care, Fang shall be mine!

And on pizza we will dine!

Fang: Why me?

Me: Hey, you said yes.

Fang: I said as friends!

Me: Whatever. Oh, and we're going to Brystol's graduation party Saturday.

Fang: After the all night post-grad party? Are you nuts?

Me: Yep!

Fang: Why did I ask?

Me: And we'll set and day for the date later.

Fang: There is no date!

Me: In the meantime, I'm going to go read Bellagail's new story about us again!

Fang: Please don't....

Me: But I love it!

Bellagail wrote and Saint/Fang story

I give it much praise and glory

I really think she's stalking us

She's knows about my robe and my headaches.....Oooo, a bus!

Fang: Couldn't find anything to rhyme, huh?

Me:....Nope. Anyway, the story is called Fangy Loves Joo St Fang of Boredom! Check it out!

Fang: Please don't.

Me: So, class is going to end soon, so if you want this posted now, it must end now.

Fang: I'm going to go bang my head against a wall....-walks away-

Me: I'm going to go....get him some pain meds....

-Saint and Fang...Out.

15. Chapter 15: After Effects of Post Grad

Wrote this yesterday and didn't get to post it 'til today since I went to pick Mom up and went to bed. Felt the need to stick it up anyway, though, since I haven't been on in three days or something. Check my profile for more info on fic updates and stuff.

This is a special Poetry Corner message for all of you who have PMed me, sent me reviews, or contacted me in any way that deserves a reply.

I Am Dead.

Fang: Don't tell them that. They might believe it.

Me: Good. I'll get some peace and quiet.

Fang: -glares-

Me: Ok....

I graduated yesterday

And was at Post-Grad 'til today

I'm so tired, I need to rest

It's just not something I do best.

The long explanation: After Graduation (I'm a High School Grad!! Woo-hoo!) we have a huge party at our community center that the parents put on called Post-Grad. It's a lot of fun, you win cool prizes (I won a digital video camera), there's music, bowling, etc. The thing is, you have to stay up 'til past 5:00 in the morning. I'm dead tired.

Then, I had to go to my friend Brystol's Graduation Party.

Fang: So, we might as well be dead.

Me: I actually feel light-headed.

Fang: It might be the Amp.

Me: Oh, yeah....

Amps are great for a short bit

They give energy when you need it

But the crash later is completely hell

I've got the effects now, I can tell

Me: Energy drinks are bad for you.

Fang: But they taste good.

Me: It's like drugs.

Fang: We're on drugs?

Me: -rolls eyes- Yes, Fang, we're on drugs.

Fang: Oh.....I expected it to be worse than this....

Me: -sighs- So, Fang and I graduated.

Fang: Or, as Brystol puts it, Graditated.

Me: Happy Graditation!

Fang: No, it's 'Hapy Gradimatation!'

Me: We is Hi Skool Graditates.

Fang: And you got the High Honor Award...

Me: Yeah.....I think we really are on drugs.

Fang: Someone spiked the Amps.

Me: Damn them....Anyway, some people wondered how Fang could be graditating...sorry, graduating since he's only 14.


1. I started reading Maximum Ride when it first came out when I was 14. Therefore, Fang is now my age.

2. We're in Saint's Happy World of Fun here. Anything's possible.

Me: So, there.

Fang: Who cares.....Oooo...lights.

Me: What the heck are you on?

Fang: I don't know, but if I did, I'd be an addict.

Me:.....Ok..... So, I guess I'm inspiring people now. Besides Bellagail's story that I've mentioned, HamanoAiko now has a poetry corner

Fang: Not another one....

Me: And, possibly the most interesting, gypsyprincess94's little brother, Jeremiah Christ wants to use me, Spiffy, and Pooky in a story. I've read his profile. Very interesting...

I am a 13 year old boy who lives to offend you... some of you may know my as gypsyprincess94's lil brother who hacked into her account and changed her name, but I am much much more. I have descended from the heavens to change the well-known name of Jesus Christ to... Jeremiah Christ... I AM CHRIST. There is one person I have been sent to FanFiction to destroy. I have decided to destroy her ever since my sister... found out about this horrid site. You may know the one I must destroy as the future Queen of Canadia. Otherwise known as St. Fang of Boredom. I do admire her work, but the stories she writes run through my sisters life and it pisses me off. I will be writing stories while I'm on this site, such indluding Maximum Ride, also I never read that series but I know enough about it from what my sister sayd. Other stories may include the characters from hit Manga series such as Death Note, I nuyasha, Bleach and more... that will be all for now...

Me: Though he seems to want to destroy me, I gave him permission anyway. I find him interesting. And as for my destruction, I'm fearless.

Fang: Trust me, we know.

Me: So, after reading his profile, I was hoping to ask Jeremiah here some questions:

1. Why do you live to offend people? Seems like an interesting life goal, but if it works, it works, I guess...

2. How exactly do you plan to destroy me? Not that it'll work, just curious...

Ok, and I typed up more stuff to say to you, but I accidentally pressed the wrong key and deleted it, and I'm too tired and lazy to re-type it. I'll get back to ya.

Fang: You're not doing much poetry again.

Me: I'm too tired for this. I'm just kind of updating this to keep me awake.

Fang: You could say when you're updating stuff.

Me: But that goes on my profile...-sigh- I don't know, I'm just writing what pops out of me first.

Fang: We could watch a movie.

Me: Yeah! I've got The Devil Wears Prada!

Fang: -sigh- Why me...

Me: Or, we could discuss your sudden undying love for me.

Fang: Let's watch that movie!

Me: Was that an avoidance technique?

Fang: No, that was an 'I don't want to hear this crap anymore' technique.

Me: But, Fang....

Fang: Saint, please.

Me: -hugs- Don't you love me?

Fang: I-

-phone rings-

Fang: -grabs phone-

Me: What the hell?!

Fang: Affie says we've got to go pick up Mum. Let's go. -leaves-

Me: Fang!!! Damn him...Hey, I didn't get to take a nap! DAMNIT!!! -leaves-

16. Chapter 16: Saint and Fang's Poetic News

Saint and Fang are back again.

For some fun that will not end.

Welcome back to our typed-up show!

We hope you won't have to go!

-Saint and Fang are sitting at a newsdesk-

Me: Welcome to our first ever-

Fang: And last ever.

Me: Episode of: Saint and Fang's Poetic News!

Fang: The dumbest idea since telemarketing!

Me: And we're your hosts! I'm Saint!

Fang: Like they don't know who you are...

Me: Just introduce yourself!

Fang: Like they don't know who I am!

Me: Fang!

Fang: Ok, I'm Fang. Save me.

Me: Let's start off with the weather! And here's our weatherman, Cody Prince!

Cody: Heya, babes! I'd also like to introduce our cameramen and cue card holders, Spiffy and Pooky!

Spiffy and Pooky: -turn camera around- -wave- -turn camera back-

Cody: Ok! So, like, the weather today is....-looks out window- Partly sunny! Kinda wet from the rain last night.....Oh, Saint! Your neighbor's home! Back to you!

Me: Good work, Cody!

Fang: God, I could've done that.

Me: So, how about we see how things are going in the sports world, with our Athletic Correspondent, King Leonidas of Sparta! How're those Red Sox, King Leo?

King Leo: Conquer!!

Fang: Is it even baseball season?

Me: Shh...How about the Patriots?

King Leo: Conquer!!

Fang: What?

Me: I always get the answers I want from him. Here, how about I start off the local news.

Fang is not alone in being taken

Iggy now should be shakin'

Aleria14 has Iggy with her

They have rambling together!

Me: Yes, Aleria14 has a story, Iggy Ramblings :D up. Check it out! Fang?

Fang: In other news, in a moment of self-centeredness, St. Fang of Boredom Googled herself. When she did, she found that someone, curlscat, to be exact, had nominated her as their favorite author on Fanfiction. (No idea why.) So, now Saint and I have a fanpop account, username Saint_and_Fang.

Me: Thank you, Fang.....I think. Moving on to other local news,

Mom's in the hospital, once again

Leaving Fang and I to guard the den

I'm in charge, for the time being

In the future, fun I am seeing

Me: So, Mom's in the hospital (Don't worry, she'll be ok.) So I'm in charge!

Fang: Save us all....Moving on, we've heard little from Jeremiah Christ lately. What happened to destroying Saint?

Me: Let's move on to National News.

Catherine Hardwicke must be stopped

Her happy bubbles must be popped

Her cast ideas for Maximum Ride

Must be quickly put aside!

To explain, Catherine Hardwicke, former director of Twilight, is now going to direct Maximum Ride. Bad news....She wants to cast Kristen Stewart as Max and Robert Pattinson as Fang.


Robert Pattinson is blonde, for the love of St. Pete! Is Fang blonde? No! Will hair dye work? No! Not to mention Rob's lack of olive-colored skin...

And Kristen Stewart? She doesn't have what it takes to play Max. End. Of. Story.

And, ok, I don't have anything against people older than 14 playing Max and Fang, as long as they can still look to be somewhere between 14 and 16, which is probably about what Max and Fang look like, they do look older.

Rob and Kristen look too old.

Did I mention they're way too famous? I'm sick of seeing their faces all over every tabloid in the supermarket! Get some new faces for Maximum Ride!

So I, Saint, have started a petition to stop them from being cast as Max and Fang. There's a link to it on my profile.

Fang: Moving away from that Rob guy that looks nothing like me, I get the sad job of reporting the deaths of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson and Billy Mays. A moment of silence is in order.





Fang: Ok, it's over......Now what?

Me: -mutters- Don't we have any more news?

Fang: -shrugs-

-silence- -cricket chirps-

Fang: Told you this was a bad idea.

Me: Shut up! Ummmmm.......Barack Obama swatted a fly!

Fang: Perhaps it died?

Me: Hmmmm....

Barack Obama swatted a fly

PETA doesn't know why, he swatted that fly

Perhaps it died.

Barack Obama swatted a spider

It wiggled and jiggled just like a spider

He swatted the spider right after the fly.

PETA doesn't know why he swatted that fly

Perhaps it died.

Barack Obama swatted a bird

Fang thought that was absurd, when he swatted that bird

He swatted the bird right after the spider

He swatted that spider right after the fly

PETA doesn't know why he swatted that fly

Perhaps it died.

Fang: Ok, please stop.

Me: Fine....

Fang: Now what?

Me: We could go make cinnamon buns!

Fang: Wonderful...Another one of your sad attempts to teach me to cook....

Me: Or we could tell everyone about when I got you to say you liked me this morning!

Fang: Cinnamon buns it is! -gets up from desk and heads for kitchen-

Me: And that the news! Ok, Spiffy, Pooky, cut!

17. Chapter 17: My Famous Petition and Lists

So....Anyone been on max-dan-wiz lately?

Max's Blog?

My petition....SQUEE!!!

Fang: She's been freaking out and hyperventilating all night.


I guess my petition has done well

From Max's Blog, I can tell

For Max herself has mentioned it there

Now they see that we fans care!!

Me: OMC, OMC....-hyperventilates-

Fang: Yeah, Max mentioned the petition on her blog. Saint can't handle it.

Me: I'm handling it fine!! -deep breaths- -shakes-

Fang: You need a glass of water?

Me: I'll get it...-walks off-

Fang: Well, since Saint seems unable to communicate or even think right now, I'll say it for her. She's like to thank all the people who signed the petition. She thinks that Maximum Ride fans are the most awesome, passionate fans in the world and she's glad your opinions are being heard. She also might die of excitement, so if updates slow down, it's because I'm busy trying to resurrect her.

Me: -comes back- Ok, I think I've calmed a little. We could move on to other news.

Fang: You know you wanna say it one more time...

Me: I do.

Fang: Say it.


Fang: Done?

Me: Yep.

Fang: Alright, then. What would you like to say next, Saint?

Me: Well...

I'm not just on fanfiction alone

A max-dan-wiz account I also own

But that is not the end

On Twitter, Youtube, and Fanpop, I need friends!

So, if any of you are on Fanpop, Twitter, Youtube, or max-dan-wiz, if you haven't already, please make me your friend/fan/followie. It'd be awesome...

Fang: Yeah, Saint needs friends...

Me: What's that supposed to mean?!

Fang: Nothin'...

Me: Sure..

Fang: Why don't you tell them about.....FlockUpdates?

Me: You're trying to change the subject.

Fang: -nods-

Me: Whatever.

If you are on Youtube

A place you must go, mate

Is to Kara, Frankie, and Clarissa's

Channel 'FlockUpdates'!

There's a link on my profile to it. Check them out! They give updates and opinions on Maximum Ride, like what's going on with the movie and so forth. Oh, and they mentioned my petition, too! Squee!

Fang: -rolls eyes- Here we go again...

Me: In an attempt to move on.....

Someone has claimed the title

Of my number one fan

And their name is, fittingly

St. fang of boredoms number 1 fan!

Me: I guess I'm becoming famous or something....(By the way, the my number 1 fan's actual username has no spaces, fanfiction wouldn't let me do it right...)

Fang: Oh, great....

Me: You wanna say something?

Fang: Sure. I'll even rhyme it for you.

Australia's a really nice place to be

A place I'd really like to see

And I will, when I go to stay

With Iggy and Bell for a day!

Me: Yeah, so Fang's going to be having a little sleepover with Iggy, who has been kinapped by Bell, A.K.A. Aleria14. Seems like the whole Flock is slowly being kidnapped....

Fang: We're doomed, aren't we?

Me: -nods-

Fang: Damn.

Me: So, I'm going to mention some other things here I wanted to quickly mention....

1. Talk to FashionDiva7 about the 'Day of anti-Hardwicke'. My petition just keeps moving..

2. Mom bruised a rib. She's just beating herself up...

3. Getting my wisdom teeth out the 14th. I doubt I'll be up to updating with the drugs they're putting me on, so don't expect much...

4. Just read book one of Percy Jackson and the Olympians. I now know why so many of you love it! Awesome! And for the people who asked, I may write a fanfiction for it, but I want to read more books in the series, first, so I'm up to date here.

5. My dog smells pretty.

Me: Ok, I think we can move on....

Fang: Hey, Saint? About your Youtube....

Me: Yeah?

Fang: Are you ever gonna put videos on that thing? I made this one of your dog...

Me: -rolls eyes- If I do put stuff on there, we're not putting that. I have those videos of the fireworks from the 4th...

Fang: -shrugs- Like mine better....

Me: I don't know. If anyone thinks they'd actually watch any crappy videos I put up, I put them up. Warning: They are really stupid. Pointless. I'm not saying this out of modesty or anything. They really are.

Fang: So......How about that...Thing we were going to do?

Me: Oh, yes...See, on Aleria14's Iggy Ramblings:D, Bell and Ig made lists of things that annoyed them about each other and things that they liked about each other. Well, I thought about doing this with Fang, so we discussed it, and Fang didn't really want to do it.

Fang: Because I couldn't think of much to put on the 'like' list...

Me: -whacks Fang- So, we agreed to just make lists of the top ten things we've learned about each other from working together on Fanfiction for almost a year now. (Wow, it's been that long.)

Fang: Yeah, I've been confined that long.

Me: So, I'll go first, because, well...

Fang: She lost Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Me: I should've won...

Fang: I don't care what you say, Saint, 'Atomic Bomb' is not a move in Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Me: It should be.

Fang: Just get it over with.

Top Ten Things I've Learned About Fang:

1. He's a Suck-Up: The kid sucked up to every one of my teachers and family members. They all love him. It's quite annoying...

2. I Think He Has a Thing for Bon Jovi: All I've got to do is play "Livin' on a Prayer", and he comes rushing in.

3. He Likes Kids: You should've seen him in my Early Childhood class. As soon as no one was looking, Mr. Indifferent turned into Mr. Let's Make Kitties Out of Playdough!

4. He Likes Video Cameras: He likes my video camera, to be exact. Too much.

5. He Makes an Awesome Techie: That's a backstage worker for all you non-theater people. And Techies are very important and all actors who make fun of them should eat paper mache.

6. He Has an Inability to Say Certain Words That Usually Show Up in M-Rated Fics: I believe many people know about the 'protective things' from Avian Flu. Now, guess what 'the, err, guy thing', 'girl's meds', 'the cottony protective stuff', and 'what makes babies' are.

7. If You Don't Like the Taste of Feathers, Don't Sleep Next to the Guy: You will end up with a wing in your face. Oh, and Fang wants me to add that we did not sleep next to each other because we were 'doing what you think we were doing'. We were sick and were both sleeping in my Mom's Queen-sized bed because it was closer to the bathroom. Leading to number 8...

8. Fang Gets Sick More Than You Would Think: Where do you think I get the ideas for Avian Flu? The guy's a germ magnet. Actually, I think it has something to do with Fang's lack of shots and that my school's a germ breeding ground. At least he doesn't stay sick for as long as the average human.

9. Fang Can't Dance: At all. End of story. If I lead, he can follow, kinda. That's it.

10. Fang Can Sing: Talk about a songbird....He won't do it often, though. I usually have to get him on a Slushie-Induced sugar high.

Me: And that's my list. Fang, comments?

Fang: I'm not a suck-up. Bon Jovi is cool, but I don't have a 'thing' for him. Kids, ok? Video cameras are fun. Being a Techie is a lot less nerve-wracking than being on stage, but a lot more work. No comment on 6. Being sick is the only way I'd sleep next to Saint.

Me: Liar. What about in the car on long car rides.

Fang: That doesn't count. Anyway, I hate getting sick, I blame the high school. I don't like dancing, anyway.

Me: What about singing?

Fang: No singing.

Me: And you didn't seem to mind dancing with me at prom.

Fang: First of all, if I didn't dance with you, P.W. would've danced with me. No way. Second, you looked like you needed saving from Josh...

Me: Awww...Fang! You're so sweet!

Fang: Yeah, yeah....Can I do my list already?

Me: Please...Go forth.

Fang: Oh, I will...

Top Ten Things I've Learned About Saint:

1. Do NOT Frusturate This Girl: You want to see something more explosive than one of Iggy's bombs? Stick Saint in front of an uberly-slow computer or a jar with a stuck lid and back away. Saint has no patience when it comes to this stuff. You can hear the screaming and swearing from outside sometimes.

2. Saint Likes Things Her Way: She does not do well in groups, because that means compromise, and compromise means Saint doesn't get her way. It's what brought her grade down in Early Childhood. Which reminds me...

3. Saint Likes Getting Good Grades: Saint just doesn't like not doing her best. She gets quite pissy when she works on something really hard only to get a crappy grade. Another problem she had with her Early Childhood class. (I keep mentioning it because she's been ranting about it for days, ever since she got her report card. C-. She's angry.)

4. Saint Loves Ranting: And I get to hear a lot of it....

5. Saint's a Good Cook: She can make anything. Except Cinnamon Buns. She turned them into hockey pucks. She's also going to whack me for saying that, but I don't care.

6. Saint's a Lazy Bum: I think the fact that she's on here so much proves this point. It's always "I'll do it...Later." She still needs to vacuum the floor. (Hint, hint, Saint.)

7. Saint is Easily Freaked-Out: For example, I got woken up last night because Saint heard 'weird noises' and wanted me to go check. It was the dog walking around the house. I got woken up another night, too, because we had a power outage at 2 in the morning. I'm like, "So? Go back to sleep." "I can't..." I nearly whacked my head against a wall. Saint will not go in certain parts of the basment by herself because they're 'freaky'. She mutes commercials for scray movies because they 'freak her out'.

8. Saint Loves Animals: All animals. Furry, fuzzy, feathery, scaley, slimy, fishy, etc. She will cuddle them. She will hug them. She will kiss them. (Unless they're poisonous. She's not an idiot.) She thinks they're all cute. Even, like, iguanas.

9. Saint is Slightly OCD: There are some things Saint could care less about. But some things....Saint throws a hissy about. She has to color-code her folders for her classes, she has two gazillion folders on her computer and pendrive so everything is perfectly organized, she even puts all the dishes in the dishwasher a certain way. Oh, and spelling. She goes nuts over both her spelling and everyone else's. She drove people nuts in school by looking over their shoulders and saying, "That's wrong." Oh, and don't worry. She's already spell-checked many of your profiles, I've just held her back from sending you all long messages about it.

10. She's an Eighteen-Year-Old Preschooler: Saint is most definetely in touch with her 'inner child'. Just the other day, we were at an empty playground and Saint got the bright idea to climb up in a tunnel and get stuck. I had to help her out while going 'Nothing to see here..." to the passerbys. Wish I'd had that video camera then...

Fang: There. Done.

Me: Wow...You wrote a lot.

Fang: Yeah, yeah....comments?

Me: I hate getting frustrated. The world should work in my way. That damn C-.....I don't rant that much....Ok, I lied. -whacks Fang- Hockey pucks....I'm not lazy! I get to things at my own pace, that's all!

Fang: Your pace is slow.

Me: Shut up. Anyway, yeah, I freak out easily, but that's why I have you, Fangy! I wuvs my aminals!!! (spelt wrong on purpose) Yes, I am OCD about certain things. And I am such a child. Fang, you're very observant.

Fang: -bows- Thank you.

Me: So...I guess we should call it a night...yeah...

Fang: What?

Me: It's late...Are all the doors locked?

Fang: -sigh- Yeah...

Me: Ok....Did something just move in Mom's bedroom?!

Fang: Yeah...the cat.

Me: Fang? You'll stay with me tonight, right? I'll give you a big half of the bed....

Fang: I'll agree, because if I don't, you'll wake me up a 4 in the morning.'

Me: Squee! Just, no feathers in my face, ok?

Fang: I'll try.

-Goodnight from Saint and Fang

18. Chapter 18: Aftermath of Oral Surgery

This wisdom teeth thing has given me

A whole new reason to hate dentistry

This whole deal has put me in a funk

I look a a freaking chipmunk!

There's only one way to start a story, at the beginning.

Fang may kill me later for typing this...

To catch those who don't read A Day in Therapy up, you know how I had to have my wisdom teeth out? Well, my dentist discovered Fang did, too. But we knew if we told him, he'd be, well, 'highly uncooperative'. So, we concocted this plan to not tell him 'till the last second. This is how that went...Hee hee.....


-in dentist's office-

Me: -is looking around nervously- Ok, I'm out. -starts to get up-

Fang and Affie (my aunt): -grab me boredly and pull me back down-

Nurse: Saint?

Me: -points to Affie-

Affie: Nice try, kid.

Me: -sigh- Come on, Fang....''

Fang: Why do I have to come in with you?

Me: Heh heh....moral support?

Fang: -sigh- Fine...

Affie: I'm coming, too. -gives me a, 'to help you hold him down' look-

-gets to procedure room place-

Fang: This place creeps me out...

Me: Oh! Maybe you should....sit down! -pushes Fang into the chair-

Fang: Saint, I can stand, really. Besides, this is your chair.

Me: But, uhhh, Fang...

Affie: Tell him, Saint.

Fang: Tell me what?

Me: -sigh- Ok....Uh, Fang? Remember that time I told you that you might need to get updated on your shots to go to college with me, and you told me you'd rather not know about it, and I said, 'Fine, next time I won't tell you'?

Fang: Yeah...

Me: I....didn't tell you this time.

Fang: Saint, what are.....-realizes-...No.

Me: -nods-

Fang: No.

Me: Yeah.

Fang: No, as in, see ya at home! -goes to get up-

Me: -pushes- You're staying, buddy.

Fang: I don't think so.

Me: It's gotta be done. Look at it this way. Do it now and you don't have to dread it like I did.

Fang: You're not gonna let me leave, are you?

Me: Nope.

Fang: Oh, God....

Dentist: -comes in- Let's start up.

Fang: Oh, God.....

Me: It's ok, Fang....

Affie: Yeah, just think, you finally have a good reason to kill Saint after this!

Me: -glares at Affie-

Affie: -laughs-

Fang: -whines-

Me: It's ok. It probably won't even be that bad.

Fang: You're lying.

Me: Just go with it.

Fang: You're dead after this.....Hey! What are they sticking on me?

Me: Little EKG things.

Fang: Why?

Me: To monitor you.

Fang: Well, at least I'm used to that.....

Me: It'll all be fine...

Fang: You can stop lying to me any time now, Saint.

Me: Don't be so touchy...


Me: Fang, you need to stop yelling.


Me: Stop yelling, or.....I'll make you!


Me: FINE!! -kisses Fang-

Fang: -Fang has gone into a severe state of frozen shock. please stand by-

Me: Oh. My. God. He's gonna kill me later....Hell, if Max ever finds out, she'll murder me....

Affie: -is finding all of this hilariously funny- Oh my God! Saint, look at his face! Does anyone have a camera? Doc, you got a camera?

Dentist: Just the x-ray machine.

Affie: Will that take a picture of his face like that?!

Dentist: I think I'll start the IV while he's.....frozen. -starts IV-

Fang: -slowly coming out of shock- Did you....just....

Me: No. It was a figment of your imagination.

Fang: No, it wasn't.....Why does my arm sting? -goes to look at IVed arm-

Me: -grabs Fang's face and pulls him the other way- Fang, uhhhh....You've got something on your face! -pretends to get stuff off face-

Fang: Why does my arm sting? There isn't a needle...

Me: No! It's just the EKG thingy. Sometimes, the gel stuff stings.

Fang: Ok.....Can I have my face back?

Me: No.

Fang: You're not that again?

Me: No, I-

Affie: Do it again!

Me and Fang: -glare-

Affie: Fine, I'll go wait in your room, Saint. -leaves-

Fang: Why did your aunt offer to bring us again?

Me: She enjoys teenagers in pain, I think.

Fang: Oh...My arm's burning now.

Me: Just the EKG stuff...

Fang: Mmhmm...

Me: Falling asleep?

Fang: No...

Me: You lie like I do.

Fang: Mmhmm...

Dentist: You can go to your room now, Saint.

Me: When Fang's all the way out.

Dentist: -snaps fingers in Fang's face- I think he is.

Me: Oh....No chance you'd like to leave it at just doing Fang? You are one guy...

Dentist: We have two dental surgeons here. Nice try, though.

Me: Yeah....


I'll leave it at that. No need to describe my similar ordeal...

So, how are we doing now?

To start off, we made it through fine, woke up, were given prescription pain meds and anti-biotics, went home, and crashed on Mom's oversized bed. Yeah, we're both in the same bed because it's huge, comfy, and closest to the one working bathroom.

Some of you may know I spent some time yesterday on the computer. I updated Twitter and my Life Updates on my profile to let everyone know we were still alive, I reviewed one story (A short review.), then proceeded to make myself feel better by reading rated M fics about Fang.

Heh heh, nothing can make a girl feel better than to read about Fang in...interesting situations.

I have a dirty mind...

Anyway, I'd just like to say...

I feel so bad for Fang.

So bad...

It's a good thing the pain meds make us sleepy.

You know how the Flock usually sleep on their stomach or sides because of their wings? Well, Fang can't do that. He can't lie his face on the pillow, because it hurts him. So, he slept terribly last night, and I feel bad.

Fang: You should feel bad.

Me: Fang! You're awake!

Fang: -rolls eyes- No, I'm sleep typing.

Me: You want me to give you more pain meds so you can go back to sleep?

Fang: Saint, I have no idea why you want to turn me into a Percocet addict, but I kind of doubt it's a good idea.

Me: -rolls eyes- Sarcasm. You must feel better.

Fang: Saint, I cold be on my death bed and still pull off sarcasm.

Me: Point. You need anything?

Fang: I'm hungry.

Me: What do you want?

Fang: Well, I want a taco, but since I doubt that's happening, errr...

Me: Soup?

Fang: Sure....Tomato?

Me: Got it. -leaves-

Fang: So, anyone want to lend me a weapon to kill Saint with? Ok, I'm joking. I know none of you will. You're all her fans.

Where's that Jeremiah Christ guy when you need him?

Ok, I guess I won't kill her. She's making up for her trickery by basically taking care of me. Plus, I just don't have the energy...

But, this is a poetry corner, right? Ok....

Oral surgery kind of sucks

Wouldn't do it again for a million bucks

Won't do it again for one single thing

Crap. I just heard the phone ring.

Do I pick it up, or wait for Saint? -checks caller id- It's her Gram. -sigh-

-picks up phone- Hi.

Gram: Hi, Fang! You probably don't feel like talking, but I wanted to check on you and Saint. How are you?

Fang: Fine.

Gram: Any bruising?

Fang: Look like a chipmunk, I guess.

Gram: Oh, well, tell Saint her Mom's doing better! Bye, Fang!

Fang: Bye. -hangs up- Ow.

Me: -walks in- Who was that?

Fang: Your Gram.

Me: -rolls eyes- I told her not to call....

Fang: Talking doesn't work. (If you're wondering how we're having this conversation, why do you think it's typed?)

Me: Soup! -gives Fang soup-

Fang: Iggy's 'favorite'. Campbell's.

Me: Campbell's is easier to eat, though. More liquidy, less big pieces of potato and stuff.

Fang: Yeah.

Me: Now what?

Fang: -shrugs- The Fanfiction Awards?

Me: Oh, yes! If you guys haven't seen it yet, check out Maximum Ride Fanfiction Awards: 2 by Myrah. Nominations up now!

Fang: Yeah, that was one of the other things you did yesterday. You sent Myrah a message nominating some story for best smut, right?

Me: Hee hee...

Fang: Smut. What a weird word.

Me: The meaning's better.

Fang: You and your sick mind. I had to sit here yesterday and listen to you giggle over M-rated stories. What was so great about them, anyway?

Me: They were Figgy stories.

Fang: -groan-

Me: Ha ha.

Fang: Can we discuss something else?

Me: I have a new poll. It's about music that goes with Maximum Ride. And I'm dead serious on there when I say send me any songs that aren't on the poll. I need new music for my ipod.

Fang: That was all you did last night, besides read dirty fics. Add songs to your ipod.

Me: It was fun! Oh, and people seriously need to look up the song 'Good Guys Win' by Jimmy Buffett before voting. I think it totally fits.

Good Guys Win every once in a while

Full grown men get to learn from a child

Now and then, just when you think it won't happen again.

The good guys win.

And the verses are even better.

Fang: You think anything by Jimmy Buffett fits somewhere.

Me: Jimmy Buffett is awesome!

Fang: You and Affie are obsessed with him.

Me: 'Cause he's hilarious! How can you not love the singer of such songs as 'Cheeseburger in Paradise', 'The Great Filling Station Hold Up', 'The Weather is Here, Wish You Were Beautiful', and 'Why Don't We Get Drunk'?

Fang: Oh, God, that last song...

Me: That's a love song, you know.

Fang; More like a drunken lust song.

Me: How about 'Woman Going Crazy on Caroline Street'?

There's a woman going crazy on Caroline Street

Stopping every man she does meet

Saying if you'll be gentle, If you'll be sweet,

I'll show you my place on Caroline Street!

Fang: That a 'woman with overactive hormones' song.

Me: You hang out with me and Affie enough. You got a favorite Jimmy Buffett song?

Fang: Hmmm....Maybe Gypsies in the Palace.

Me: I love that one! It's about these guys that some poor, rich idiot left in charge of his house.

We're gypsies in the palace, He's left us here alone
The Order of the Sleepless Knights
Will now assume the throne
We ain't got no money, we ain't got no right
But we're gypsies in the palace, we got it all tonight

Fang: I like a line from one of the verses...

He's the greatest guy to work for, man he's really cool
Hey Snake this party's gettin' dull
Throw someone in the pool!

Me: Poor Snake....Has to do all the hard work...

Fang: Yeah, Snake's some poor guy who gets ordered around by his insane partner. I can relate...

Me: Don't make me 'shut you up' again!

Fang: Saint, shut......You didn't tell them about....that, did you?

Me: I-....Look! Anthony Bourdain is on!

Fang: Saint, I'm serious! Did you tell-

Me: He's going to Cleveland today!

Fang: Saint!!! You didn't tell, did you?! SAINT!!!

-Saint and Fang

19. Chapter 19: We're Backish!

I've been trying all day to write this darn poetry corner chapter. I want so badly to get off hiatus. I sick of being on full hiatus mode or whatever. Officially, I'm going on partial hiatus, meaning updates will be slow, but I'm back on, people!

Fang: Saint and I have been going nuts around here.

Me: I blame 'that man'.

Fang: Me, too, but we'll talk about him later.

Me: Yesh. So, I'm at my Gram's right now, planning the, err.....I'm getting ahead of myself. I remember, you don't all know.

Fang: If you followed us on Twitter...

Me: -whacks Fang- Leave the shamless ads to me! Anyway...About three days after my going on hiatus, my Mom....Passed away.

God, I hate that phrase.

Passed away. It's so...ugh. That and the word 'died'. They used 'died' in my Grandfather's obituary, and I hated it.

Fang: Which is why Saint wrote the obituary herself.

Me: When you want something done right...Do it yourself. So, I'm sure everyone's going to ask how we are now, so I'll tell you. Well, I guess you guys got when I went on hiatus I was out of my head. I'm....ok now. I mean, 'ok' probably isn't the right word, but I can't think of anything better. I guess you could say I'm not in a state of terrible depression. Eh, I give up.

Fang: Maybe the right phrase is....You've accepted it?

Me: Kinda....Maybe I've realized that the world isn't going to end and that my Mom isn't in any more pain. I mean, 11 years of dialysis, plus a host of all kinds of other medical problems. Looking at it, my Mom did pretty good. Heck, when my Mom first went on dialysis, they told her, since she wasn't eligible for a transplant, she'd last about 5 years.

Fang: So, 11 years later...

Me: Exactly. Another thing that's helped me a lot is well, it's kind of a religious thing. I don't really think of her as 'gone'. (Another annoying 'died' word.) She's just not here physically. You getting me? And no, that's not the same as being haunted. I had to explain that to 'certain people'. -points to Fang-

Fang: -shrugs- It sounded creepy.

Me: -rolls eyes- So, we're taking it. I guess that's how to put it. Am I over it? No. I may never be 'over' it all. I'm gonna miss her every day of my life. But Mom wouldn't want me to sit around and be depressed, not for a second. So, I won't be.

Fang: Besides, the two of us have to be happy for everyone else. I feel bad for your Gram.

Me: Yeah, I believe in Lord of the Rings, King Theoden said something along the lines of "No one should have to bury their child." And it's so true. May I never have to feel that kind of loss.

Fang: Yeah....Oh, and I've been designated the job of trying to keep Saint from making any of her famous bad funeral jokes.

Me: I have a bad habit. I can't stand people being sad, so I try to make them happy!

Fang: Yeah, but when someone asks you if the guy who's funeral you're at is afraid of clowns, the answer is not, "Well, not now. What are they gonna do? Kill him?"

Me: That was bad....

Fang: If I had been there, I would've whacked you.

Me: I would've deserved it. Anyway, I'd like to take the chance to do some Thank Yous.....

1. Thanks to all who sent me messages, reviews, PMs, whatever! I apprieciated all of them. Still will, if you feel like sending anything. Heck, feel free to e-mail me anything anytime. I can't promise I'll have the free time to answer every message, but if you feel like it, hey!

2. Thanks to all who either mentioned me on your profile, wrote something about me....(Nice poetry, fangalicous08!)

3. Thanks to the people who counted the 'Max dying' comments on the forum. In some of my free moments, I went on there and checked the count. Over 900? Pathetic...

4. Special thanks to FlockUpdates on YouTube for their video dedication. They wouldn't dare put Nick Jonas in the movie, would they? I don't need to write another petition, do I?

Also, Fang wanted to tell Iggy something...

Fang: I get your thing with fire. Fire is fun...

Me: We pulled out the charcoal grill today.

Fang: And Saint's friend, Amanda, pulled out the charcoal starter and was, like, "Douse 'em." So, Saint covered them in charcoal starter, then Amanda set them on fire and they went WHOOSH!

Me: -smacks forehead- Oh, man...

Fang: So, you gonna say something about Amanda?

Me: Yeah, Amanda may write something with Fang and I on here. Complete parody, whatever it is.

Fang: They're going to torture me...

Me: As usual!

Fang: Any other notes?

Me: Many. Turns out we scheduled my Mom's....Graveside services on the same day as the Day of Anti-Hardwicke. I'll get something in somehow, maybe the day before or something.

Fang: Tell them about the social worker.


Fang: Saint has issues with Gary the social worker. And for a good reason.

Me: He calls me up early in the morning. Amanda was over, so both she and Fang heard this as well. He's trying to schedule a meeting with me, and I told him he'd be better off talking to my Gram, and he replies with these exact words: "Well, I figured you're 18 and your Mom's gonna die!"

Fang: Yep, he said that. And he said 'die' like 'DIE!'

Me: Made me angry.

Fang: He did apologize.

Me: 'Cause my Gram called his boss and his boss made him.

Fang: Anything else you want to say?

Me: There's so much I have to say, but I'm going to save some of it for later. Too much to think about. There's just one more thing to do....Rant.

Fang: About what?

Me: Dad...

Fang: Uck.

Me: Have I complained about my Dad much on here? I try to avoid mentioning him. Or thinking about him.

Fang: I don't like him.

Me: Not many do. Well, since this is a poetry corner...

My Dad is driving me insane

I don't think he has a brain

I might beat him with a spork

If he doesn't go back to New York.

Me: Dad came down when he heard about Mom. I wish I hadn't called him, in a way, but Mom requested him...

Fang: He's so irritating.

Me: And gross.

Fang: He doesn't like me.

Me: Well, no one likes him, so I don't think it means much. You know, some people think that the way I feel about my dad is terrible, since, you know, he's my dad. Well, those people never had to live with him...

Besides the fact that my dad was a verbally and emotionally abusive a-hole before he left my Mom and I, now he comes back acting like Mr. Big Shot. Not to mention he's just embarrassing. Let me explain...

Day 1: Amanda had slept over. Dad comes in. The front of his pants are wet. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Well, if you are, you're right! He had an accident...And didn't have one problem with it! Wouldn't have changed his pants if I hadn't made him! Ewww.....

Day 1, part 2: Dad decides to walk out of the bathroom with his fly wide open while Amanda's there. Poor Amanda...

Day 1, part 3: Dad tries to make me wash his soiled underwear. Not happening.

(Note: Day 1 is the same day Mom left us. Thanks for making that day easier, dad!)

Day 2: Dad decides to inform me that my Mom had me 'brainwashed'. I promptly storm out of the house.

Day 2, part 2: Dad is mad 'cause I won't spend time with him. Tells me I don't have my priorities straight. Informs me he's the only family I have left and that I need him. I tell him I'm 18 and I don't need him. Ha.

Day 2, throughout: Amanda and I repeatedly stop Fang from killing dad, as it would be illegal.

Fang: Your dad's a freaking gravedigger, as Amanda put it! Seriously, the entire time he's been here, he keeps asking for stuff!

Me: Especially the computer thing.

Fang: I want this story.

Me: Shoot.

Fang: Saint, Amanda, and I come in the house. Saint walks into the living room where her dad is. Both of the laptops, which were really both Mum's are sitting on the table in there. He goes, "So, you have two laptops. Can I have one?"

Saint's face was priceless. Talk about a Kodak moment.

So Saint goes, "No!! I...Need them for school."

Me: More like, "Get your greedy mitts off my Mom's stuff!" I swear, if his name weren't still on the house...

Fang: And he's so irritating! He sits there and needs to ask you about every little thing you do! Or, if he's watching a movie, he feels this strong need to read all the names in the credits out loud! And then, he talks about those car shows. He was telling Saint how she should go to car shows because she'd love them. Uh, since when is Saint into looking at cars? If the guy actually gave a hoot about his daughter, he'd know she found cars slightly boring...Unless she's behind the wheel of one.

Me: Did I mention my entire family hates him? This won't be pretty...

Fang: Affie's threatened murder.

Me: The way he takes care of himself, with his diabetes, nobody'll need to do a thing. You know what would be really ironic?

Fang: What?

Me: He left my Mom because he was sick of trying to deal with her illness and being on dialysis. Well, if he doesn't start taking care of himself, he could end up on dialysis. And yes, I've told him this. He doesn't seem to care.

Fang: He doesn't care about much but his own happiness. He sits there and thinks about how this whole thing is effecting him. Not you, him.

Me: By the way, sorry for turning half this thing into a dad-rant. I haven't gotten the chance to really get this all out, and he's really driving me up a wall.

Fang: And he's here all week...

Me: And when he leaves, he'll be back to work on the house...

Fang: Which he doesn't seem to be in the mood to pay for...

Me: Which could mean Fang, my dog, my cat, and I may be searching for a new place...

Fang: Quite depressing.

Me: Quite. Let's discuss something happy. I know! EmoFang's poem! Ok, I'm going to ask that everyone review EmoFang's awesome poem, pretty please? Personally, I think it's awesome...

Six mutant children, nothing less,
also with built in GPS.
Being chased by human-lupine hubrids,
are six flying, fighting, fascinating kids.

First of all, the leader.
World saving is her career.
She doesnt know it, but she's in love-fax!
The brave 14-year-old Max.

Secondly is the right wing man,
he's there when Max needs a helping hand.
Unfortunately girls, hes taken, dang!
The dark and silent 14-year-old Fang.

Next up is another 14-year-old.
He's usually funny, and when needed, bold.
When in public he's called Jeff.
He's Iggy! The blind blond pyro chef.

The next one up, she's eleven.
When in a shop, she's in heaven.
When in doubt, call the fashion judge,
the mocha-skinned motormouth Nudge.

Then there's the troublesome 8-year-old.
When it's important, he'll do what he's told.
His digestive system is all jazzy.
He's Max's pyro trooper... Gazzy!

Next is a six-year-old girl.
Gazzy's sister, blue eyes, blonde curls.
A bear was her most prized posession, Celeste.
It's Angel, with more powers than all the rest.

Lastly, Angel's dog, who talks.
He doesn't like flying, he would prefer to walk.
Rescued from the Institution, and looks like a Scottie,
he's Total, who grows wings on his little black body.

Max can fly up to 200 miles an hour.
Disappearing after a while is Fang's special power.
Iggy can feel colours and see when surrounded by white.
Nudge is magnetic, but doesn't attract Flyboys in a fight.

She senses people and memories in leftover vibrations.
Gazzy can mimic voices with perfect citations.
Angel can read minds, send thoughts to them, too.
She can also control whatever they do.

Angel can breathe underwater, just like Max and Fang.
She can also talk to fish, I don't know if they use slang.
She can also change how she looks,
that power appears in the fourth book.

Max has a 'Voice' that helps her out when she needs.
Because saving the world ain't all it's cracked up to be.
Join the Avian-American side,
with the one and only, Maximum Ride.

Me: Very long poem, but very cool. A bit more work than my four-liners.

Fang: Yeah, I like it ok.

Me: We should send it to 'you' on max-dan-wiz.

Fang: Maybe...

Me: Another question: Anyone planning on reading Witch and Wizard? I don't know...

Fang: We're cool than Wisty and....The other guy.

Me: You can't even remember his name...

Fang: -shrugs- Not important.

Me: Let's just go. I'll do some more talking on my life later. Just wanted to make a 'I'm coming off hiatus!' announcement. Double Date is next up on the updating list.

Fang: And I think we need to go to bed.

Me: Bed....

-Saint and Fang, Back At It.

20. Chapter 20: For Mom, With Love

I dedicate this chapter of the poetry corner to another talented writer, my Mom.

I'd like to start this poetry corner off with a very special poem.

Fang: Something Saint and I found in our searchings through the house lately...

Me: I was going through this old cupboard and found this newspaper clipping with a poem on it.

The poem had my Mom's name on it.

Upon further research, we found out the poem, which was entitled 'The Rape of 1990' had to do with something our town's school board pulled back in 1990 that prevented our town from getting a new school building.

Fang: Turn's out Saint isn't the first person in her family to express her concerns through poetry.

Me: Yes, and Mom was much better at it.

So, for your reading pleasure, a poem from the true Mistress of Poetry in my family:

'The Rape of 1990'

To the Editor:

The day was warm, the sky was clear.

The crime was neat and tidy.

The taxpayers waited while the school board readied

For the rape of 1990.


With loaded guns we took our stance;

The powers that were had but a chance

Or so we thought, for by narrow margin

The opposition won, with legal jargon

Of parliamentary procedure, but to confuse

And wear us down, at last to use

Us; the nasty lot; what chance now have we got

To keep our home and hearth?

'Tis a myst'ry to me how democracy

Could be so fickle, when 'ere I see

How majority vote, while sacred and true

Could be prostituted by that motley crue.

'Tis rule for one, but not the other.

From here-to-fore we shall not bother

To waste our time to cast our vote.

For in some future tense

What we had etched in stone

Gets chisled, and pounded and finely honed

To suit the needs of the ones who are gunnin'

(Our former best friends when they were a-runnin')

Then turned their coats to Angello red

Say "Yes" to all or they'll be dead

Give us a break or have our heads

Then she'll be gone with the final laugh

And there we'll be with a hopeless path

Of destruction.


For rue the day she came our way.

Alas, dear Karen, you've had your say.

But on this place your bottom bet.

We're watching....and you haven't heard the last of us yet!

Me: And, as long as the poetry corner lasts, you never will...

Fang: Mum did not right four-liners.

Me: No. When Mom had something to say, she said it, and she said it so it would be heard and remembered! You did not cross Mom and come out unscathed.

Fang: Mum was known for her 'famous quotes'.

Me: Ha ha, yeah. Like, on her first day at the new dialysis unit, she wasn't happy with the set-up. So, she walked up to the poor receptionist, who was on her first day of work, and stated...


Mom was not known for being subtle...

Fang: I remember when she found out about our unfair Early Childhood grades. She called up the teacher from the hospital she was in and reemed her out!

Me: That's nothing. My Mom holds the title of being one of the few people to successfully scare the crap out of my school's menopausal band teacher.

Fang: This sounds like a good story.

Me: It is. In 10th grade, I was in the select choir. Well, the day before our first concert, the band teacher threw me out of the performance for missing practice. Reason for missing practice: I was volunteering at a retirement home, helping serve them a Easter dinner.

The teacher not only told everyone else in the choir she was mad at me for missing practice (I'd told her I'd miss it, by the way.), she yelled at me for missing it in front of a group of other students, saying, "We were having practice and you were out waitressing?!" So, I went home upset not only about being tossed out of the concert, but about how humiliated I was.

Well, Mom wasn't going to put up with that. She sped the Saab down to the school and stormed in. Let me tell you, my Mom may have walked with a cane, but she could be quite the imposing figure when she wanted to be. Well, my Mom saw the teacher, but she was talking to a group of kids in the hall. Wanting to wait until the students were done speaking with her, my Mom stalked over to the attendence secretary instead. When my Mom got to her, she pointed angrily toward the band teacher and growled "I want to speak to her!" Well, suddenly, the band teacher excused herself and went scurrying down the hall. The attendence secretary and a guidance counselor searched, but couldn't find her, even though her car was still in the lot.

Fang: I bet she ran off to piss herself...

Me: Wouldn't blame her.

When Mom got angry it was wise

To put on some kind of clever disguise.

For if Mom found you, it'd be bad.

You didn't mess with Mom when she was mad.

Fang: She had a great sense of humor, too. She could have you laughing when you were mad.

Me: Yeah, if we were having a fight, she'd suddenly say something so randomly funny that'd I'd laugh, ruining the whole 'I'm mad at you right now! Grr!' facade.

Fang: And there were those crazy e-mails between her and Affie.

Me: Yeah, she and Affie would write crazy stories about their pets to each other. So much fun to read sometimes...

Fang: Mum was a writer like you, Saint.

Me: Yeah. You know, she wanted to be an English teacher, but she didn't have the money for college. Which is why she became a hairdresser instead. She loved that job. Socializing and such.

Fang: Mum would have been a cool teacher.

Me: You bet. She wrote a short story about baby raccoons once, too, but I think she lost it. I keep hoping I'll run into it.

Fang: I'll stay on the lookout.

Me: So, moving to other news, people.

Thanks to my Gram, the Saab is fixed

Hopefully in no more problems it will get mixed

For it shall be driven soon, you see

By somebody...Oh, say....Me!

Me: I am now working on getting my driver's license! Finally!

Fang: And she wants to plan a road trip to New Jersey to go meet FlockUpdates.

Me: Yay, Kara, Frankie, and Clarissa!

Fang: Speaking of which, your YouTube account.

Me: Yeah, I can't log into YouTube. At least, not from the computer. Every time I click 'Sign in', it just sends me to the homepage again. And when I looked up my profile, it would take me to the profile page, but if I clicked on anything, even the scroll bar, it would say 'Redirecting' in the tab thing and take me to a blank page that keeps reloading until I go back before I went to my profile. Either YouTube has a glitch, or I have a virus. If anyone knows what's up, please let me know.

Fang: Yeah, since we also learned YouTube has no customer support.

Me: No contact e-mail, no phone number...They have a mailing address, but I bet that won't do much. I happened to look up some other people who've tried to get help from YouTube. YouTube just doesn't care.

Fang: So we may never log in again...

Me: No, I need to. Just found out FlockUpdates tagged me to make one of those '5 facts' videos...

Fang: During which I'll be in the basement, not making a YouTube fool of myself.

Me: -sighs- Pain in the butt...

Fang; What about your Dad?

Me: %$*&%#^&%%^$&(^$$^&%^&%$$&%$*#&*$&#&*%#&*^$#&%$^&%#*^&%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fang: Ok, enough said.

Me: That theif!!!! He took the snowblower while I was with my Gram after my Mom's funeral. He attempted to steal to packages of lamb patties from my freezer, but forgot them in his cooler, which he left in my kitchen!

Fang: Didn't know what was in it until you decided to check it 4 days later.

Me: Thought it was empty. Then, the dog started sniffing it.

Fang: So, it's outside now...

Me: Awaiting his return...

Fang: Lamb patties and all.

Me: It's going back to New York with him, too. I don't care how mad he gets, it'll be worth it.

Fang: I can hear your Mom laughing...

Me: Yesh...Stupid, deadbeat father. I swear, anyone who's got a father who isn't a deadbeat and actually cares for them should thank God or whatever they believe in for their good luck. I've actually gotten jealous of people with good dads.

Fang: And anyone's whose got a great Mom who's healthy and able to be with them should be thankful, too.

Me: Agreed. And anyone who thinks krill is yum yum yum is awesome!

Fang: -head desk- Oh, not again....

Me: I'm going to go work on that video, I think...

Fang: And I'm going to go hide in the basement and plan an assault against stupid krill.

Me: Good luck with that.

Fang: Yeah...

-Saint and Fang

P.S.: For the next poetry corner, Fang and I have decided to do a Q&A because, well...We're out of ideas for now. So, send us your questions! Can direct them at me, him, or both of us. You can ask as many questions as you want and anything you want, just as long as it stays rated T. And we have the right to reject questions we deem, well, unanswerable. So, ask away and have fun!

21. Chapter 21: Q&A!

Welcome to the Poetry Corner Q&A!

Me: Last update, we asked you all to ask questions, so now we're going to answer them!

Fang: Joyness....

Me: So, since I got a pretty large number of questions (Thanks, Crossover...), let's get this show on the road!

)( *wings* )( asked:

Fang: do you secretly have a pet monkey living under your bed? if so what's its name(s)?

Saint: if you could convince Fang to do anything in the world what would it be?


Fang: Uhhh...No. If I did, though, I think I'd name it....Dave.

Me: Alrighty then....If I could convince Fang to do anything in the world.....Simple! I'd make him sign his soul over to me so that I could make him do everything I ask him to do!

Fang: -is scared-

lilacsarepurple asked:

How long does it take to come up with a chapter?


Me: Well, it depends on what I'm writing and what life is throwing at me.

Lately, it's been taking me about a day to write regular chapters, like for Avian Flu or Fly By Twilight. For things like the Poetry Corner, it takes considerably less time because, frankly, it doesn't require as much thought. And Fang helps.

Fang: Yeah. Actually, sometimes, we have the hardest time coming up with the A/Ns at the beginning and end of the chapter!

Me: Yes, sometimes, we have nothing to say, but we're so well known for our crazy A/Ns, we have to say something!

Fang: We have quite the franchise...

Me: If only we were paid...

CassieJames96 asked:

have none of the flock showed up wanting fang back? seriously? they've just let him stay missing for however long you've had him? really?


Me: Actually, the rest of the Flock have been kidnapped as well.

Fang: Yeah, Iggy's in three places at once! Freaky...

Me: I think Max is in two...

Fang: So, they can't come rescue me....Damn....

Aleria14 (a.k.a. Bell and Iggy) asked:

Iggy: Fang, have you ever read a Fudge story? Fella?

Me: -snickers- This should be good. And, believe it or not, there are Fella stories...I've seen them

Iggy: And I'm against them

Me: lol. And, as for my question, Saint, what's your favourite animal?

Iggy: Again with the animals?

Me: -shrugs- I like asking people about their favourite animals. Also, have you seen Fang's hair in the second Manga? I know that it hasn't come out yet, but I found some pictures on the internet of their makeovers. ZOMG! That's all I'm going to say, otherwise I'll end up sounding like a crazy fangirl

Iggy: You already are

Me: -whacks with herring-


Fang: Gosh, Ig, you had to ask....I've read one Fella story and one Fudge story. Then, I promptly gagged and left.

Me: And I thought they were cute!

Fang: -gags-

Me: Favorite animal? I'd have to be all typical little girly and say....Horses. I love them. Love them, love them, love them!!! LOVE THEM!! I will own one, someday. They're beautiful. Especially Arabians and Leopard Appaloosas. (Hope I spelt that right. Too lazy to Google it...)

And I've seen Fang's hair. Personally, I think he looks hot both ways, but that's just my crazy opinion.

Fang: It's 'cause it's impossible for me not to be hot...

Me: -headdesk-

Hannah-Belle Dudemister asked:

I have a question for Fang...
"What would make you cry?" ;) Would it be if Max died? No, I am betting that if one more person asks him that he would cry :D I can't think of a proper question :'(


Fang: -cries because I was asked that question again-

Ok, I'm kidding. Seriously? Yeah, if Max died, I'd cry. If any of the Flock died, I'd cry.

Me: If I died???

Fang: Saint...

Me: -Bambi eyes-

Fang: -sigh- Yeah, probably...

Me: -huggles-

Fang: Great....

karecitay asked:

(new format because of number of questions)

To Fang:

how come you havent left?

I've tried to escape many times. I'm well guarded.

arent you strong enough to fight off an 18year old?

Sure, but I can't fight off her henchOCs....

do you like staying with saint?

Oh, sure... I just adore the lack of freedom...

do you enjoy crushing other people dreams?

At times...Depending on whose dreams and what the dreams are...

ever cut yourself?( i hope not)

No, no, and no.

why dont you think krill is yum yum yum?

Does krill really look that appetizing to you? Uck.

will you come with saint to nj wen she comes to meet flockupdates?

We'll see. I may have to stay to guard the house...

if you do can i write a story about it?(i probably will on my max-dan-wiz blog)

Sure. Saint'll probably write one, too...


To Saint:

are u aware that where i live we get permits at 16 lisense at least i think

Interesting...I could've had my license by now, but I'm too lazy...

if u came to NJ, what would u do?

Besides meet you guys? Who knows? You guys have a beach? May go there...

do you enjoy keeping fang hostage?

If I didn't, would he still be here?

do u plan on becomeing a professinal writer of some sorts?(i do, that or an english teacher)

I'd love to be a writer....Ultimate dream.....-sigh-

does ur dad kno u write fanfictions?

No. He could care less. I could care less about telling him.

do you plan on going to see the maximum ride movie the first day it comes out?

I'm usually highly against seeing movies on the day they come out because of the crazy crowds and fans, but I may make an exception...

if u were in NJ wen that happened wood u come wth us?


and finally,
where does fang sleep at ur house?

All kinds of random spots. He has a place in my room to sleep, but he's been known to drop anywhere...


1) -at both- Do you plan on watching P Diddy's Starmaker? (idk, that was random, just saw a commercial, and Pete Wentz was a judge!! Sque!!)

Me: We weren't...Pete Wentz, huh?

Fang: Patrick Stump is better.

Me: Nah, Andy.

2) -at Fang- Do you secretly have a man-crush on Pete Wentz? ... I don't blame you if you do.

Fang: No.

Me: He thinks Stump is better. ;P

Fang: Not in that way!

3) -at both- Is seeing a seven legged spider lucky, or just crippled? (Sorry, Ryan Ross tweeted "Saw a spider with seven legs. Is it lucky or crippled?" and I'm just wondering.)

Me: Lucky!

Fang: Yeah, you could get on T.V. with that!

4) -at both- If you could have a life-sized cardboard cut-out of any person in the world, who would it be, and what would you do with it?

Me: I actually have a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Orlando Bloom as Will Turner...He lives in my hallway and greets people.

Fang: I'd have...Dylan. (Check out the new MR6 summary to find out about him!) And I'd throw darts at it.

5) -at both- What is your favorite favorite song of all time?

Me: Can't choose. I will say I'm very attached to Me Against the World by Superchick lately. And Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls.

Fang: Bon Jovi. All Bon Jovi.

6) -at Fang- Does it bother you when you see all of the Figgy slash on ? Personally, I love it.

Fang: -gags-

7) -at both- If someone offered you a million dollars, but you had to kiss Regis Philben, would you do it?

Me: Sure, I need the money. No one said where I had to kiss him! I could kis him on the cheek!

Fang: ....I'd let Saint do it.

8) -at both- Do you think "computers" are just a fad that will pass eventually? And we'll like, go back to the stone ages or something?

Fang: I don't know...Maybe...

Me: I hope not. Stone Age didn't have indoor plumbing.

Fang: Good point.

9) -at Fang- The Flock is always running around doing all kinds of stuff, but... When do you poop? It never mentions pooping, over the course of years, not once! Do you like, carry around toilet paper and crap in the woods? Seriously!

Fang: .................

Me: You've rendered him speechless!

Fang: Ummm.....Well.....We try to find bathrooms....But.....

Me: I'd say 'yes' to the 'crap in the woods' theory...

10) -at both- Do you like coffee? Fang seems like the kind of guy who would like black coffee.

Fang: I LOVE coffee!!!

Me: Unfortunately....Personally, I like tea better, but coffee is damn skippy.

11) -at both- In the ongoing batlle of the medical dramas, (House, Scrubs, Grey's Anatomy, etc.) who are you rooting for?

Fang: Don't watch 'em, really.

Me: House, definetely. I love that guy!

Fang: Yeah, House is cool...

12) -at anyone- Am I the only on that thinks the Jonas Brothers have really ugly eyebrows? (not to mention lame ass music!) I mean, they're like freaking caterpillars crawling on their faces!

Fang: Never thought of that...But yeah!

Me: Hmmm...I don't notice eyesbrows, I guess.....

13) -at both- How do you feel about Panic! At The Disco spliting up? And have you heard the new song by the guys who left, The Young Veins? Ugh. And, do you think it might all be some elaborate publicity stunt, and they were just kidding about the whole splitting up, and... and... and.. I'm in denial.

Me: We actually didn't know they broke up 'till we read this question.

Fang: Of course it's a publicity stunt! It must be! That wouldn't happen...

Me: He's in denial, too...

Katie the pure one asked:

Saint-On a scale of 0-5, how insane are you? (5 is most insane)

Fang-Using the scale, how insane is Saint? And how insane has she driven you?


Me: 5, easily.

Fang: 5 and 5. Maybe even 6. Off the scale.

TheCaretaker asked:

Anyways, for the Q&A, how come you just captured fang instead of embry?hehe, hope u answer ^_^


Me: But I did capture Embry! He's....

Fang: You 'misplaced' him, didn't you?

Me: No! He's in the basement....Somewhere.....Uh-oh....

Xuut asked:

Have you ever been out of the States?

Me: No, unfortunately. One of these days, maybe...

Which do you like better, Canada or America? (I'm aware that you'll probably choose America, seeing as you're American...)

Me: Well, I have to choose America because I've never been to Canada. And, yeah, growing up here does help...

Why do you prefer that country?

Me: Never been to any other...

What country does Fang prefer?

Fang: I don't know. Saint's not in Canada, though, so...Maybe Canada...

On a dailt basis how many times do you say, "I'm bored"?

Me: Maybe 4 or 5 times. I think it more than I say it...

How much does your cat weigh?

Me: If only I could get my cat to stand still on a scale...

How many rooms are in your house?

Me: Let me think...10 rooms, plus a large hallway and a basement. It's smaller than it sounds, though.

Did your did seriously steal your snowblower? Doesn't he live in New York? Isn't that place full of APARTMENTS?

Me: Yes, he took it. He does live in NY, though, despite common belief, it's not all apartment. Maybe in New York City, but not the whole state. And I think he just sold it, anyway.

Are you sad Nathan_P is banned?

Me: Very sad. -mourns the loss of Nathan from MX- It's just not the same....Damn mods...

Are you aware that Twilight is telling teenage girls that eating endangered animals, like a moutain lion is okay? (Seriously. Edward is eating an endangered animal, why doesn't anyone care?)

Me: Never thought of that, but that's a good point! Bad Edward!

Do you find my questions weird?

Me: Nah, not any weirder than I'm used to.

Reiko Rose asked:

Other than the lamb patty thing, any other plans of revenge against your dad?


Me: Oh, I'm sure I'll come up with more...Still have to get him back for deciding to sell my house, that rat.

speekTheeofDevil asked:

Questions...How are you going to do a roadtrip over seas? You live in new egland right?
Fang: Why havent the Flock come to get you yet? Is it cause THEY all got kidnapped by crazy fans TO? (No offense Saint..heh heh)


Fang:....Oh, my....

Me: I get that first question so many times, so....We're going to have a Geography lesson!

Everyone, pull out a globe, map, etc.

Now, point to New England!

Fang: Ok, who pointed somewhere outside the continential U.S?

Me: Well, if you did....


Fang: New England is part of the continential United States.

Me: It consists of the states: Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and Connecticut. New England got it's name from the settlers who came over here from England. They named the region 'New England' in honor of 'Old England'.

Fang: I think you people are thinking of Europe's England.

Me: So, it is quite possible to take a road trip to New Jersey from where I am.

Fang: And, as to the second question, yes, they were all kidnapped. It's quite frustrating.

Me: We crazy fans are taking over....Mwahahahaha....

Sapphira Majoram asked:

Me: Okay my question to you Saint and Fang is, are you two going to get married like Bell and Iggy are? (Well, it was the only question you didn't answer for Halt...)


Fang: NOOOOO!!!!

Me: Haven't convinced him yet...

Nothing At The Moment asked:

Fang, what is your favorite music?
Saint, have you ever seen A Very Potter Musical.


Fang: Favorite music? I love Bon Jovi....

Me: He likes watching Grease, too.

Fang: Well, so do you!

Me: I love Grease!

Also, I've seens parts of A Very Potter Musical, but not the whole thing...Yet.

Fang: I feel a YouTube day looming closer...

tgypwya asked:

Fang- What would you think if you found out that Max had a Fang plushie?


Fang: That's....kinda creepy, actually....Well, I guess if she misses me that much....

Me: -headdesk- He says I'm creepy...

(the name space was left blank) asked:

I want to ask how you keep coming up with this stuff. I mean, do you have a plan for where all your fanfics are going? Or are you just drabbling along, hoping no one will notice?


Me: Well, it depends on the Fanfiction. I'll make a list...

Day in Therapy: Basic plan. Don't know how it'll end, but I know how the next couple of chapters will go.

Avian Flu: Also know how to do the next couple chapters, but, heck, that may never end.

Brand New You: I actually have started a plan to continue this, just need time...

Double Date: Pretty well planned-out. Got a couple plot bunnies bugging me, but I think I know which to go with...

Facts of Life: Drabbling along, hoping no one will notice...

Fanfiction Meets YouTube: This one's kinda easy. Just pick a video and copy it. Doesn't require extreme planning.

Fang's Journal: Fang: We steal stuff out of my poor journal...

Fly By Twilight: Me: This wins the Best Planned-Out Award. I have an outline for this and know exactly where it's going.

Job Listings: Drabble along, drabble along...

Poetry Corner: Drabble, drabble, drabble....

Fang: I have a question. How come you have no name?

Vera Amber asked:

What on earth is a nargle? You keep talking about how Fang licks them... (and Fang always claims to have no idea what you're talking about... lol...)


Me: It's one of Luna Lovegood's 'creatures' from Harry Potter.

Fang: That tells us so much...

Reiko Rose asked another question:

what do you think of the upcoming Maximum Ride book, entitled FANG (instead of 'The Sky is Falling Down' or something)? I read on Wiki that they go to Africa or something and Angel predicts that Fang will be the first to die.


Me: I miss the good old days of them being on the run....More entertaining. No Global Warming junk.

Fang: No Dylan...

Me: If you don't know about Dylan, either look up the new Maximum Ride summary on the U.K. Amazon or you can just look up FlockUpdates on YouTube (link on my profile). They have a video of it.

TheSilverHunter asked:

If your Dad was a Character in MR who would he be??


Me: Hmmm....I wanted to say Jeb, but Jeb's cooler than my dad, though they are a bit alike.

Fang: I say your Dad is 'Random Dead Eraser Number 967'.

Wendi asked:

Okay, my question for Fang: How is your and Max's relationship working out? Do you have feelings for Saint?


Fang: Max and I could work out great if I could get away from Saint! Not to mention this stupid Dylan guy in the 6th book getting in my way! and I DO NOT have feelings for Saint! And that incident in Day in Therapy doesn't count!

Me: Sure....Maybe I should just 'shut you up' again...

Fang: Don't you dare...

Crossover Genius Abused the Question-Asking Power and asked:

How are you today?

Fine. Stayed home all day and wrote fanfics.

How was yesterday?

Great. Went to church and shopping.

Do you prefer Advil or Tylenol?

Tylenol, I think. Neither do much for me.

Grape or Orange?

Mmmm...I like both....Grape, I guess.

Are you vegetarian?

I'm a carnivore...Though a lot of people at school thought I was a vegetarian. Don't know why...

Did you know Sir Paul is a vegetarian?

Read that on Wikipedia, actually.

Do you know that Sir Paul is Paul McCartney since he was knighted by the Queen? Most people don't.

I guessed that. I knew it was him because 1) I saw he was Sir Paul on TV once, and 2) It's you. :D

Favorite Beatles song?

Hello, Goodbye, maybe? Gosh, there are so many....

Favorite song?

Too many to list.....I have a lot of favorites.

Favorite band?

Once again, too many favorites to list.

Favorite book. Ever.

Sorry, MR fandom, I love you so, but Lord of the Rings was the first series I ever really fell in love with and obsessed over. Just holds a special place in my book-loving heart. And Return of the King is my favorite out of the series.

Laptop or desktop?

Laptop. I like things portable.

Paper, or plastic?


Would Sir Paul get a restraining order if he knew about my story?

It's a possibility...

Are you going to write a chapter for my story?

Actually, I wrote one, but I'm having issues with it...Maybe I'll just send it to you one day and you can figure it out....Ringo go missing lately, by chance? ;D

When, if you plan to?

See above.

Have you read my updates?

I believe so...

Are you reading this?

Most obviously.

Virtual Cookies, or Brownies?


George or John?

George. No offense, John...

Paul or Ringo?

Ringo!!!!! :D

Ricola or Ludens Cough Drops?


Purple or Blue?

Blue. My favorite color.

Abercrombie or Hollister?

Uhhh....Neither? I don't think I own either...

American Eagle or Aeropostale?

Well, American Eagle has the cooler name...

Vans or Converse?

Converse. I love Converse...

Black or White?

Black. Though white's cool too...

Do you wear jewelry?

Hell yes. More than I ever thought I would, but most of it is special in some way. Like, I wear my Mom's cross necklace now. And my Gram's wedding ring. I have wing-shaped earrings that are McAwesomene!

Are you allergic to gold?


What was the last thing you purchased at a store, and when?

Groceries. I bought salad stuff, like lettuce, tomatoes, etc. Ummm....Oxi Clean...Microwave meals...Make-up that Fang thought was slutty...Ha.

Do you use a USB mouse (or wireless) with you laptop, or the built in mouse pad?

Built-in mousepad.

Does the library nearest you block ?

I'm not sure what you mean....

Do you even like lamb patties? I don't.

Actually, I have no clue. Never tried them...

Do you like pork? I don't.

Yep, I'm a fan of pork. If you want to know something I won't eat, it's veal. I have a thing against the murder of baby animals...

Dark Horse, or St. John?

You know, this sounds familiar to me...But I'm too lazy to Google it. I don't know.

Best Singalong ever, Camp Granada, or Yellow Submarine?

You mean I have to choose?! That's too hard....I might pick Camp Granada, 'cause that was one of Mom's favs, but now that I think of it, she liked Yellow Submarine, too! Argh!

Violin or saxophone?

Violins are pretty, but saxophones sound cool....

Guitar or piano?

Oh, I love both of those! Errr....Guitar, with piano as a very close second.

Silence or noise?

I like to have a bit of background noise, but not too loud.

Are you still reading?


Are you aware that you aren't the only person capable of sending long, questionaires?

I am now...

Has Fang replied to your questions yet?

No....Damn him!

And has Kelsey jumped yet?

No clue...

And who IS Bob?

One really random dude...

Koala Bears or Grizzly?

Koalas! Awww!!!

Kangaroos or Lemurs?


TV or Computer?

Computer. More possibilities...

To Be Or Not To Be?

That is the question...

Pencil or pen?

Pencil. I make many errors from writing too fast...

Handwritten or typed?

Typed. My handwritting is terrible...

Colored Pencils or Crayons?

Crayons!! My inner child is attacking again...

Crayola or RoseArt?


Icesong or Aerial?

Oh, I don't play the 'choosing people' game...Both.

Sparxflame or Crossover Genius?

Once again, both. :D

How often do you review stories?

Whenever I have something to say. If I can't think of something good to say, I wait 'till I can.

Are you regretting telling me to send you my questions?


Do you have a boyfriend?

Why would I want one of those things? LOL... No, not at the moment. There's no one around here that really interests me right now...Besides Fang, and he's impossible.

How many people, (outside of Max-Dan-Wiz, FanFiction, etc), know about you and Fang?

Two, I think, offcially know the entire 'Me and Fang' story. Affie and Amanda. No one else knows the entire thing, besides our 'foster kid' cover for him.

Cats or Dogs?

No offense to my beloved cat, Sasha, but I've always been a big dog person. I like an animal that'll greet you at the door, though I will admit, Sasha's good at meeting me at the door. And I like an animal that can go places with you.

Wet or Wild?


Pictures or Live the Moment?

I'd have to say Live the Moment, though I do like taking pictures...

Classic or Throwback?

Mostly classic. Once in a while, you see some good throwback stuff, though.

Contemporary or Fiction?

Fiction. Who needs the real world?

Porky Pig or Daffy Duck?

Daffy Duck.

Do you like Disney?

Old Disney. Lion King. Winnie the Pooh. Cinderella. Snow White. Even farther back than that. Swiss Family Robinson. Old Yeller. Not this new stuff they have. High School Musical's a joke.

Ever been to Disney Land? Disney World?

Not yet....Darn it.

Have you ever had an Italian Charm Bracelet?


What design is on your mousepad?

Don't have one...

Apple, or PC?

PC. Apple's overrated.

Do you have an Ipod Ipod or a knock-off?

An ipod ipod. And I just called Apple overrated....

How many songs do you have on your Ipod?

828 and counting....

Look at your songs Alphabetically. What letter does the majority of your songs start with?

I think A. Can't really tell.....Could be I, too...

Annoyed yet?


Even if you don't answer this in your chapter, can you send me the answers to them all anyways? Can I post it in my story?

Well, as you can see, I've answered them. And you can post them in your story if you want.

I didn't know you had a dog. What kind is it, and what's it's name? He/she??

His name is Skye, and he's an 11-year-old Shetland Sheepdog. He's my baby....-huggles Skye-

Why won't Fang be in your YouTube video?

Fang: I don't want to be a YouTube fool...

I'm sorry our YouTube account isn't working. Have you tried a different computer?

Yes, it's working now. It was the computer. It had an issue with a disc or something, but it corrected itself.

Does krill taste like chicken?

Does chicken taste like krill? Oooo....

BlueWingedKitty asked:

Fang: 1. Ever wanted to play a musical instrument? (Sorry, got back from Orchestra Camp with 7 hours of rehearsals a day so I'm in a musicy mood)\

Yeah, it would be cool....Like, guitar or something...

2. How awkward is it to read Fax fics?

Depends...It's not too badly awkward most of the time....Just, like, rated M stuff. That's awkward...

3. Ever get tired of people asking you if you love Max?

-shrugs- Sometimes...

4. Do you like chocolate?

Of course! Yum...

5. What do you think of Twilight?

It's a sorry excuse for a 'saga'...

6. If you were trapped in a locked and abandoned subway tunnel with a crackhead and a granny what would you do?

Steal the crackhead's crack, then search the granny's bag for knitting needles, which I would use to pick the lock on the subway tunnel. Then, I would get out on the streets and sell the crack for extra cash.



1. Ever played a sport?

Me: I did track and field in Middle School...

Fang: Uhh...No.

2. Favorite dream you've ever had.

Me: Fang had a dream about Shakira...

Fang: Saint!!!

Me: Ok...My favorite...Hmmm...I don't know....I don't remember dreams well....I did have this one about Fang...

Fang: Yeah?

Me: You don't wanna know...

Fang: No, I don't. Anyway, my favorite dream involves escape and killing Dylan.

Me: -rolls eyes- Should've seen that coming...

3. What would the worst part of camping in the woods be for you?

Me: No indoor plumbing...Unless we had a nice camper. Then no internet access...

Fang: I have to agree on the indoor plumbing thing...

4. Do you believe in ghosts?

Me: Yeah...

Fang: I dunno...

5. Ever seen Pirates of the Caribbean? If so, what did you think of it?


Fang: Yeah...It was ok...


Fang: -sigh-

6. What gender are the Teletubbies?

Fang: Good question...

Me: Tinkie-Winkie-Male, Dipsy-Female, La-La-Female, Po-Male. I think.

Fang: I don't wanna know how you know that...

7. Favorite pop?

Me: Pop as in...soda? I like Mountain Dew...

Fang: I like soda. In general.



1. Awkward moment?

That time, in Middle school, when.....I don't know if I want to say it. Fang may be scarred for life along with any other male readers....It involves Midol-related things...

2. Weirdest dream you've had?

The one where I was being chased by witches through a colonial town and I hid in a church, on top of the air conditioner. In a colonial town.

3. Oceans or lakes?

Oceans. I love the ocean...

4. Do you like Converse?

Converse are the bomb.

5. Worst pet peeve?

People who leave me reviews that just say 'update'. Not even saying a word about the chapter, not even a little, 'Oh, this chapter was funny.' Just 'Update!' Especially when they review one of my stories to tell me to update a completely different story without saying a word about the one they're reviewing! Please people, I want reviews, not update reminders! I'm actually more likely to update faster when I get good reviews! These little 'Update update update!!!!' and 'Update or my furry ninja raccoon people will attack you!' stuff just tends to annoy me so I don't want to...

Stuff like that, once in a blue moon, if you make it funny, it's ok. All the time is bad.

6. Do chickens scare you?

They used to, but I got over that fear...

WingedJay13 asked:

question numero uno: When did you first read MaxRide?

In Wal-Mart. I picked the book up, liking the cover. I read through the first couple of chapters, then Mom made me leave to continue shopping. The whole idea stuck with me, though. You know, the whole 'flying kids' idea. So, I later found the book at the library, read it, and became hooked, sealing my fate for eternity.

question numero... dose? (not a clue how to spell it I dont start spanish till a week from now lol): how do you spell dose?

Dos. Take off the 'e'.

question numero three: Have you ever played a game called fire emblem? like half the names on your poll were names from that series of games.

No, I haven't. But it sounds interesting...

question number 5: in fly by twilight the pack will embry imprint on somebody?

You'll have to wait and see.... :D

My question to you: Where'd question 4 go?

hawk without wings asked:

How long have you been keeping Fang prisone- i mean, as a roomate?


Me: Hmmm...It's been about a year, I believe...

Fang: Close to it, at least.....My life is over...

Me: -huggles-

green. simply wicked asked:

Q:(got this from Elphie and Sunday Boycott Normalacy by Chasing Sundays)Could you describe what you think the perfect crime would be?

A: Hmmm.....I think I and ever other MR character kidnapper have pulled it off already....J.P. doesn't even realize we have his characters!

Q: Does Fang talk in his sleep?

A: Rarely, but he has....He's sworn me to secrecy, though...

Q: Have you ever been kicked out of wal-mart?

A: Not yet....

Q: If you had a Voodoo doll of someone, who would it be?

A: Oh, Daddy......-evil grin-

Q: Cake or pie?


And the age old question: who would win, Dumbledore or Gandalf?

Gandalf all the way!

rainbowstrike asked:

For Saint;
Have you ever done anything on the 'things to do in Wallmart' list? I wanna fly to America just so I can go to Wallmart and do the list. It would be funny as, says I.

For Fang;
Boxers or briefs?
hahahah, sorry just had to ask.
Does that count as being T? Yes, yes it does.


Me: I've pulled the thing where you talk to yourself so loud people here you in other aisles. But I just do that out of habit. Oh, and the standing in clothes racks going 'Pick me! Pick me!' But I did that to my Mom, so I don't know if it still counts....

Fang: Why does everyone care what I wear?! Fine......Boxers.

Waiting on Yesterday asked:

what is saint's REAL NAME?


Me: It's.....Undisclosed.

Fang: She's not telling.

Me: At least not 'till I've decided 'the time has come'.

Fang: Whenever that is...

Me: But feel free to keep guessing, people!

Fang: There are clues, you just have to find them...

Me: I'd give you more clues, but...No.

Fang: You'd probably just send them through a loop, anyway.

Me: And if you give any clues, I'll tie you up and throw you to the nargles!

Fang: Well, that's a good enough reason, I guess...

MagnusMinion asked:

Can a group of us come murder your dad? (too stealthy for anyone to know... and the police will get close to his body and sense his icky vibes and be all, "Yes. You've made a good decision in murder.")

And we should do a Maximum Ride FanFicioners get together thing! In the middle of the united states! Yeah?!! YEAH! I wanna I wanna I wanna!


Me: No matter how wonderful that sounds, as both a good Christian and a law-abiding citizen, not to mention a good role model, I cannot allow you to murder my father. I appreciate the thought, though. Anyway, just causing him torture and pain is better, anyway...

And that would be awesome! I think it would take a load of planning, though...It'd be awesome, though, and if there was a get together, I would try my hardest to come...

RosePetalsOnTheFloor asked:

Okay, Fang, did Gazzy or Iggy send you my recipe for explosive peanut butter? Because Gazzy stole it and then gave it to Iggy, and neither of them will give it back, so did they send it to you?

I kinda REALLY need that back...along with the acidic jelly, so do you have it?


Fang: Ummm....I don't think I have it...Maybe Angel?

Me: When you get it back, can I have a copy of the recipe?

Jane Humen asked:

Questions for Fang:
-What's your favorite flavor of Jell-o?
-Do you think penguins are cute?
-Would you like to banish all of your "Fanggirls" from the interwebs?
-Or just the insane ones?


Fang: Hmmm....Strawberry's a good Jell-O flavor....Penguins are ok, as long as they're not Pooky....And I'd just like to banish the fangirls like Saint that are a danger to themselves and the public...

Fangalicous08 asked:

For Saint: Do you have an account on deviantart? Because the other night when I got on someone by the name of Fang-not-Fnick added me to their Devwatch list and favourited some of my stuff and when I went to the page in the name thinger majig it said Saint Fang. I just got sorta curious. If you don't, well, we've got a Saint impersonator on our hands...

Me: As you now know, yeah, that's me. :D

Oh, wait, one more thing, do Spiffy or Pooky know a monkey by the name of Billy Bob Thornton? Or a shrimp named Ava?

Me: Spiffy? Pooky?

Spiffy: Don't know Billy, but I believe Pooky here might have dated a Shrimp Named Ava.

Pooky: Yeah, I think I did...

Also, does Fang have back acne? I'm sorry, I know that was random, but it's slightly needed information, althought you don't have to answer... Okay, I could probably come up with over 1,0,0,0,0 more questions, but I'm tired...still.

Me: That's.....awkward...But, no. He just has feathers...-pets-

Fang: Stop!


Also, a couple for Fang:
Do you like Long John's fish tacos?

Fang: Never had them, but they look good...

Do you like tacos?

I love tacos.

Do penguins eating tacos frighten you? If they don't, tehy should, they've been reported attacking innocent people between the ages of 13 and 20. You and Saint fall within that category. Keep Pooky away from tacos until you turn 21, just a safety precaution.

I'll.....Make note of that....-hides tacos-

Are you afraid of vacuum cleaners?

No, I actually wish Saint would use one once in a while...

Is Total?

Not that I know of....

Is Saint?

She acts like it....

Would you ever suck yourself up in a vacuum cleaner?

Is that possible?

Would you suck up Total?


Or Saint?

Don't tempt me....

What would you do if Saint bleached all your clothes and/or made them all pink?

Beat her, steal her money, and buy new clothes.

Would you THEN suck her up in a vacuum?

I'd do worse than that....

Kina Kalamari asked:

My question is: what does OMC mean? I've noticed that you use it occasionally instead of OMG, so naturally, I was curious. However, having recently found out what OMEC means, I may have a hunch...Still, an answer would be appreciated. =)


OMC stands for Oh My Carlisle from Twilight. Could also be Oh My Cullen, but I like Carlisle better because I like his name...

Me14 asked:

What's one word you's use to describe each flock member and why?

Fang, can you describe each of the flock members in a poem?


Me: Hmmm

Max- Kickass

Fang- Mysterious

Iggy- Explosive

Nudge- Vocal

Gazzy- Rambuctious

Angel- Adorable

Total- Social

Fang: Describe each in poem....Well, it is a poetry corner, I guess....

Max has many awesome skills

When she attacks, they need pain pills

She has awesome super speed, too

She'll save the world for me and you.


Iggy is an awesome cook

But if you take a closer look

You'll see this blind kid's packing something more

He blow you right out the front door!


Nudge is a really nice girl

But when she talks, words begn to swirl

Around your head until you're dizzy

She'll get you in a real tizzy.


Gazzy's dangerous for an 8-year-old

But it's not his explosive talents that'll give his reputation hold

It has more to do with the room's mood

After Gazzy has had some Mexican food...


Angel looks like a sweet little kid

But don't let yourself get fooled as many did

There's more to her than meets the eye

She will take a peek inside your mind!


Total is the most annoying dog

I'd like to throw him in a bog

But that would make little Angel cry

So the flying, talking dog will stay for a time...

Me: So, that's it for the first ever Poetry Corner Q&A!

Fang: Finally...That was a lot of questions....

Me: Maybe we'll do another one someday....

Fang: Yeah....Can we go to bed now?

Me: Sure...Thanks for the questions, everyone!

Fang: Yeah, thanks...-yawn-

Me: Ok, ok...

-Saint and Fang

22. Chapter 22: A College Composition

iRobot is an awesome movie

If this were the '70s, it'd be groovy

But it's distracting me from what must be done

A poetry corner filled with fun!

Fang: Whatever...

Me: No one mind Fangles, he's a little ill.

Fang: A little? You call puking your guts up since last night 'a little' ill?

Me: -shrugs- Could be worse. M.G. passed out on the bathroom floor.

Fang: Which is why she and I are having a joint funeral.

Me: You're not going to die, Fang.

Fang: Wanna bet?

Me: I don't bet. Now, before we officially begin the following chapter, a couple notes that you all may not know about, depending.

First of, Fang has his very own Poetry Corner-like Fanfiction called Fang's Journal. Check it out! He may update it soon, to, he has a chapter started.

Fang: Unless I die first.

Me: -rolls eyes- Second, we work at Subway now!

Fang: And we just love it. (Note: sarcasm.)

Me: May have to be looking for a second job, though. No offense, Subway, but we're not making enough to live on working one freaking day a week.

Fang: There goes our free time.

Me: -sigh- You can say that again...

Third, I'm betaing a story! Rainy Day Games with the Flock by Fangalicous08! If you haven't read it yet, go now! It's hilarious!

Anyway, I'm going to do a chapter I've meant to do for a while....A Day in Our Lives at College!

Fang: Joyous...

Me: Oh, if you're going to be such a downer, why don't you go puke somewhere again?

Fang: I just might...

Me: Oh, gross...


A Day in College

Fang: We're late.

Me: By 5 minutes, maybe.

Fang: We're late.

Me: Pessimist...

Fang: Correction. Late pessimist.

Me: -sigh-

We're not that late

It's only 9:05

Class started at 9:00

We're almost on time!

Fang: Oh, God, you're planning on making today into a Poetry Corner!

Me: Yeah, so?

Fang: That means I better be ready to have everything I say and do publicised.

Me: Yep. No wild dancing with Imaginary Shakira today!


Me: Sure...

Samantha: -standing outside our classroom- Come on, dudes! You're guys are late for class!

Me: We're coming!

Fang: It's Saint's fault! She had to spend an hour on hair and make-up.

Me: Shut it.

-in Child Growth and Development class-

Our Professor in this class is well suited for the whole 'Early Childhood' gig. She's a nice woman with a lot of Early Childhood experience. Downside: She is WAY too cheerful for a normal human being.

Professor (Kerry): So, I'm sure you're all excited and ready to pass in your Toddler Case Studies next week!

Me: -whispers to Fang- That's due next week?

Fang: -shrugs- Guess so.

Me: We're screwed.

Fang: -nods-

Kerry: Let's do a group activity!

Fang: Great....

Kerry: And we all know how much Fang loves group activities!

Fang: -fake cheerfulness- Just as much as Iove being singled out from the group!

Me: Oh, stop it.

Kerry: Let's split up in groups and I'll hand ou these children's books. You all can read them together and answer the questions on the sheet about them!

Me: You ever notice that just about everything Kerry says needs an exclamation mark at the end?

Fang: Reminds me of Stacey from Rainy Day Games With The Flock. Too happy...

Kerry: So, break up into groups, everyone!

Samantha: -grabs me and Fang- These guys are my group! Right, guys?

Me: Sure!

Fang: Yeah, I have no pride left.

Me: -whacks Fang-

Kerry: You're going to need more people in your group than that! Why don't you ask the other people sitting near you to join your group?

Fang: Oh my God, that ended in a question mark!

Me: -whacks Fang with herring-

Samantha: Did you just hit him with a fish?

Me: -hides herring- No...

-after group project-

Kerry: So, I bet you all learned something interesting about your books!

Fang: Yeah, I learned that Baby Einstein insults children's intelligence.

Kerry: Really? How so?!

Fang: -holds up little book- This books is called 'Cats'. Inside this book are sentences like, "This is a cat!" and "Cats make good pets." First of all, I disagree with that last statement. Second, come on! I think kids can get 'This is a cat'. Can't we say something else about the damn cat?

Samantha: I liked that book!

Fang: I rest my case.

Samantha: Huh?

Me: -whacks Fang-

Kerry: Ok, how about we take a break?!

Fang: Yes! Coffee time!

Me: -headdesk-

Coffee is very bad for Fang

Makes him go off like a rocket, bang!

So I'd really not like to have seen

Fang running around with cups of caffiene.

Samantha: Did she just, like, randomly spurtpoetry?

Fang: She'll be doing that all day. Just ignore her.

-out on break-

Fang: Pumpkin Spice coffee has to be one of the greatest inventions ever created.

Me: Just don't drink too much of it....I can't believe I'm letting you get any.

Fang: Hey, they have cookies!

Me: You are not having a cookie for breakfast!

Fang: Fine, I'll have Doritos.

Me: -facepalm- You know what? Whatever...

Fang: You getting anything?

Me: Mmmm....Bagel....

Fang: You always get a bagel...

Me: But never the same kind of bagel!

Fang: -rolls eyes-

Samantha: Yo! I have a coffee! Dude, what kind of coffee ya got?

Fang: Who's 'Dude'?

Samantha: You're a dude!

Fang: No, I'm a Fang.

Me: You're never gonna get her to stop calling you 'dude'.

Fang: I can try...

-back in class-

Kerry: -babbling along cheerfully-

Me: -twitching in seat restlessly-

Fang: -twitching from drinking coffee-

Samantha: -whispers- Dudes, you guys can't sit still!

Me: I think I have restless leg syndrome, only, all over my body.

Fang: I have Doritos! -munches Doritos-

Me: -rolls eyes-

Kerry: So, I bet someone here has a child that they can tell us about as an example!

Fang: I adopted a child named Justin!! He has the magical power to make people's ears itch and-

Me: -covers Fang's mouth- Heh, heh...He's had too many coffees....Ignore him...

Kerry: I'm sure he'll be fine!

Me: Yeah....-thinking to self- She really has a cheerfulness issue....Night Quills, maybe?"

-after class- -in library-

Me: This library has a serious lack of fun books...

Fang: Well, it's a college library, it's not supposed to be fun...

Me: Psh. Just because it's college doesn't mean it has to be a drag...

Fang: Hey! Photocopier!

Me: Yeah, Fang, we had those at the High School, too. Look, I think we really need to get started on that Toddler Case Study. Hey, I bet we could get away with using Justin, despite your little 'outburst' in class today. We might have to tweak his name a little...Fang? -turns around- Fang, where'd you- Fang!!

Fang: -is photocopying own hand- Hey, that's pretty cool! I wonder if this thing'll hold my weight...

Me: -grabs Fang and drags him away-

Fang: Hey!

Me: You're such a child, Fang...

Fang: At least I'm not a kill-joy...

-in College Comp-

Our College Composition teacher, Nancy, has great experience in writing and dealing with writers, but sometimes gets too....How should I put this? Phylosophical...

Nancy: -begins writing on the board- Observation and Memory. Which is more reliable? -insert more babbling here-

Fang: Hey, Poofy-Haired kid looks like a girl today...

Me: -looks- He sorta does...

Megan: Yeah...

Nancy: So, we're going to go through the halls and retrace our steps from this morning, writing down three observations we can make from retracing our steps.

Fang: Does that mean I have to go downstairs then go running to my first class in an attempt not to be late again?

Nancy: You don't have to run...

Fang: Oh, ok. I was late today, by the way, because of someone...

Me: -whacks Fang-

Megan: I think I know why you always have bruisesnow, Fang.

Fang: You have no idea...

-after observation-

Me: So, I observed the sound of my shoes on the floor, the smell of the library, and the coldness of the halls. What'd you observe, Fang?

Fang: -holds up photocopies of various body parts-

Me: -headdesk-


College has been afun place to be

Lots of room for randomness, as you can see

But the whole experience would be much less dim

If Fang wouldn't photocopy his every limb!

Fang: It's fun!

Me: -facepalm- You're so...So....You are...

Fang: Annoying?

Me: No...

Fang: Childish?

Me: No...

Fang: Then what?

Me: -grins- Sexy.

Fang: -headdesk-

-Saint and Fang

23. Chapter 23: NaNoWriMo Ate My Soul

NaNoWriMo ate my soul

No Fanfictions, reading, or even a poll

Spent the whole month writing a story

But now I'm back in all my glory!

NaNoWriMo. Why I've barely updated this month.

Fang: You might want to tell some of them what NaNoWriMo is...

Me: Oh, yeah! It stands for National Novel Writing Month.

During NaNoWriMo you

give up what you normally do

50,000 words is what you must write

To be in the winner circle's light.

During November, the NaNoWriMo site comes to life. You can go on there and start writing a story, any story. It says it should be a novel, but it doesn't have to be. You can write anything, even fanfiction! Then, you copy and paste what you've written so far into your Novel Info and it keeps track of how many words you've written so far.

Fang: And...When it hits the goal of 50,000...

Me: YOU WIN!!!!! And then you are required to freak out, happy dance around your house, and have you and all your OCs hug Fang.

Fang: No, you are not required to do that, and I wouldn't suggest trying.

Me: That's what we did!

Fang: -glares- I know...

Me: Well....


Fang: 50,056, to be exact.

Me: Actually, it's even more than that now, You see, even after I won, I kept writing because I had some good ideas and I updated again.

Fang: So, word count now?

Me: 51,104.

Fang: -rolls eyes-

Me: So, I just wanted to write this little poetry corner chapter to announce that it's finally over! And you know what that means?

Fang: You're going to get a life?

Me: No, silly, I have time for Fanfiction again!

Fang: -shrugs- It was worth a guess...

Me: I apologize for barely updating this month. And for taking a kind of unannounced hiatus. Also, if I'm a regular reviewer of a fanfic of yours, I'm sorry for neglecting your updates.

Fang: Bet you're all glad November's over now, huh?

Me: I kinda miss it...

Fang: -facepalm-

Me: Anyway, I figured I tell you what was going on with all your favorite fics that I'm sure you're just dying to have updated soon!

Day in Therapy: I have an idea for this one, just haven't started writing it yet. It'll get started, don't worry!

Avian Flu: Working on the next chapter for this, can't guarantee when it'll be up, though, but it is in the works!

Double Date: Yes, I left a slight cliffhanger there. Don't worry, I know what to do next! It's coming!

Facts of Life: Anyone got any ideas for this one? Seriously, I'm stuck...

Fanfiction Meets YouTube: Oh, I'll get this updated one of these days. Seriously, it's the easiest one to update, by far...

Fly By Twilight: Yes, I know, major cliffy! Like I said with Double Date, though, I know where I'm going with this, don't worry!

Job Listings: Taking suggestions for people I haven't done yet...

Poetry Corner: Uhhh...Duh?

New Story?: When I finish the last Percy Jackson book, which I neglected to do this month, like I neglected everything else, I'll get back to you on this.

Me: Well, that covers my stuff. How about your Journal, Fang?

Fang: When I get around to it...

Me: I'll beat him into updating.

Anyway, some other updates with our lives...Some of you already know we work at Subway now...

Fang: -headdesk- I'm so sick of sandwiches...

Me: Ditto.

Fang: And saying, "Would you like to make that a meal?"

Me: Or, "Would you like that toasted?"

Fang: "What kind of bread?"

Me: "Six inch or footlong?"

Fang: "What kind of cheese would you like?"

Me: "Veggies?"

Fang: And the worst thing we have to say...."I'm sorry, we're all out of (insert item name here) right now."

Me: -shudders- That's when people get angry...

Fang: You won't believe how angry people can get over a sandwich...

Me: -twitches- Well, moving on from our sandwich horror, we've put in applications to a pizza place and a preschool. Pray we get the preschool.

Fang: We can't work with food anymore.

Me: And serving the public.

Fang: Some other, slightly crappier news, Saint's dad has, once again, proven himself worthy of the Ultimate Deadbeat Dad Award.

Me: Fang coming in at a close second.

Fang: -glares-

Me: He put my house up for sale. You know, because I can afford to move somewhere else...

And, someone made an offer on the house. Like, within the first week of it being on the market.

Fang: We believe that's a record breaker around here.

Me: I think my dad and his brother, who has power of attorney over his affairs, will accept it.

Fang: If it goes through, they'll close on the house January 4th.

Me: And that would be the day that we would have to be out.

We would be moving.

In January.

In the middle of the freaking winter.

My dad needs to officially butt out of my life for the rest of eternity.

Fang: Let's not forget the fact that her dad shows absolutely no concern about where we goes after, if we has a place to go at all, or if we can get all of this stuff out of the house by then.

Me: He just expects me to figure it out myself.

Luckily, I did. It's gonna suck, but I did.

Right now, the plan is to move up the road to the farm that I go to Bible Studies at. I'm friends with the family there and Rachel, who lives at the big farm house, said she'd love to have us.

Fang: We can even bring the pets!

Me: Bad News: We're gonna have to rent a storage unit for a lot of our stuff. Good News: We have storage units right down the road.

Fang: So, all of our moving is in walking distance.

Me: I'm still holding out hope that something will go wrong in this house-selling deal. My Gram and I are working right now to see if we can do something about it, maybe even stop the sale of the house. My dad has totally ignored the fact that, even though his name is still on the house, Mom's was, too, and I'm my Mom's heir. I should have a say as well as some of the profits if the house did sell.

Fang: And we think that her dad's brother is trying to find a way to weasel Saint's share away from her.

Me: Mom always called him 'Brother Rat' for a reason....

Anyway, it's a whole big mess, we've got lawyers involved, and it sucks. Sorry to rant so much, just have to sometimes. Plus, I figure I want to let you guys know what's up in case updates slow down or I go on another random hiatus so now you'll know what's probably causing the problem.

Fang: So, how about some good news?

Me: I'm hungry!

Fang: -facepalm- Me too! That's not good news, though! It isn't even news at all!

Me: You wanted good news?

Fang: Yeah!

Me: I'll go get my Bible...

Fang: Saint! I meant good news about us, not the 'good news'!

Me: Oh! I'm so spaced out...I've been staying up since 4 a.m. to work on NaNoWriMo lately...

Fang: -sigh- I know...

Me: So, good news...

Fang: Yeah...

Me: Hey, anyone ever heard of a site called 'Rescreatu Pets'?

Fang: Please don't bring that stupidity up...

Me: It's a virtual pet site! Kind of like Neopets, but less famous and slightly better.

Fang: It's a dumb waste of time.

Me: It's stupidly entertaining! Everyone should join and add 'StFangofBoredom' so you can be my ResPal and buy my pets and junk!

Fang: Shameless adder for a shameless hobby...

Me: Yep! Oh, and if you do go on there, add Ramencow, too! That's my friend, Amanda.

Fang: Ramencow. You know, readers of Avian Flu, she's a blog commenter...

Me: She's weirded out right now, actually. She's had, like, two or three people add her and go, "Hey, you're Ramencow! Like Saint's friends in Avian Flu!"

Fang: It's really freaking her out...

Me: Oh! Random thought! If Vera's reading this, Amanda says she does like Paramore!

Fang: Amanda's been talking to Saint's friends on Skype.

Me: Yeah, add me on Skype! Err...I should have my Skype name on my profile. If not, I'll add it there when I'm done with this.

Fang: Ok, it's past midnight, Saint.

Me: Crap. Guess I should go to bed before 4 a.m., for once.

Fang: It's a nice idea.'

Me: And then, in the morning, more writing!

Fang: Yes, in the morning...

Me: Wow, I'll be working on something other than my NaNoWriMo story...At least, some of the time.

Fang: What?

Me: Well, I put all that work into Wolf Eyes, I might as well finish it! I mean, I kinda left it on a cliffhanger, anyway...

Fang: Oh, yeah! Risa sucker punched Elijah! That was so awesome!

Me: -glares at Fang- We've already had a talk about giving out my secrets, Fangles...

Fang: -shuts up-

Me: So, I'll get to some major FF updating, but I'll also still be getting some work done on my other story as well...

You know, because I didn't exactly do a FanFiction for NaNoWriMo...

I did something more...Original.

Fang: Something that's gonna need editing before it's done!

Me: Don't remind me! Ugh! How do writers do this?!

Fang: Well, they don't try to write a novel in only one month...

Me: -mutters- Unless you're J.P. writing the Final Warning...

Fang: Heck, don't don't expect the darn thing to be done in less than a year.

Me: (RE: above muttering)

Fang: Oh, and they probably have more time on their hands, not to mention more patience. And they'r not trying to write Fanfictions in the meantime.

Me: Well, I don't care, I'mma finishin' this thang.

Fang: And the crappy southern accent was for...?

Me: -shrugs- Felt like it.

Fang: You need to go to bed.


Fang: No, Saint, it's over, remember? You can sleep now...

Me: MUST....WRITE...MORE.....

Fang: -drags Saint away from computer- Where the Hell is that damn NyQuil when you need it?

-Saint and Fang, NaNoWriMo '09





Eliza: Are they gone?

Spiffy: Yep, Fang's shoving her in bed.

Pooky: That sounded wrong...

Eliza: Where's Iggy with a sick comment when you need him?

Spiffy: Focus, guys!

Pooky: Sorry.

Spiffy: Eliza, you're up!

Eliza: Ok, so hey Poetry Corner readers! My name's Eliza and I'm an OC from Saint's NaNoWriMo story, Wolf Eyes. I'm also a shameless hacker of Saint and Fang's things.

Pooky: With our help, of course.

Eliza: Yeah, thank you Spiffy and Pooky! -gives each a kiss on the cheek-

Spiffy and Pooky: -faint-

Eliza: -stares- Ok, Saint's gotta cut it down a notch on my attractiveness before I hit Mary Sue levels.

Anyway, I figured you'd all like a little, itsy bitsy glimpse of Saint's story. You can go on Saint's NaNoWriMo page and get an excerpt (there's a link to it on her profile), but I thought, for the Poetry Corner, we could do a special one. Now, let's see what I can find...

"Ok." I said, whacking yet another branch out of my way. "How much farther are we going to have to go?"

Eliza looked back at me and grinned. For the first time, I felt a slight pang of the same jealousy the girls at school had for Eliza Willowood, but for a different reason. Here I was, huffing and puffing through the brush and brambles, cutting myself up on thorns and sticks, and Eliza didn't even look winded. I didn't care if she was a werewolf or not, this was just so unfair.

"We don't have to go too much farther." She answered me, holding out a hand to help me up onto the rocks she had climbed onto. I wasn't going to take her hand, wanting to show her I wasn't a complete wimp, but, with one swift movement, she grabbed my wrist and lifted me up like I weighed nothing more than an ounce. Add that to werewolf traits: superhuman strength.

When I had reached the top of the rock we had climbed, I looked over to what was on the other side and was struck with awe. On the other side was a large clearing surrounded by rocks so it looked a bit like an arena or something, with the rocks as the audience's seats. In the middle was a grassy area in a perfect circular shape. The way the whole place was positioned, the sun would shine directly into it at noon during the day, and probably the moon in the middle of the night.

"Come on, down here." Eliza said. She had already passed me and was jumping down the rocks into the clearing. "Follow me, if you can..." She added, grinning mischieviously.

"Show off..." I muttered as I began to make my way down the rocks myself, a little more carefully with a lot less grace.

"This is where our pack meets, when we have to have a pack meeting or something." Eliza explained as we climbed down. "We meet once every full moon, plus whenever my dad declares a pack emergency." She rolled her eyes.

"Does he declare those often?" I asked her, seeing her reaction.

"More often than he probably needs to." She answered as we made it to the bottom and were able to stand in the grassy clearing. "He doesn't like the idea of of staying in one place for too long..."

I spun around the clearing, amazed by its beauty, but, yet, a little creeped-out, too. It was kind of like my dream...No. I mentally shook me head, erasing that thought from my mind. I didn't want to think of things like that right now. I was determined that finding out about these werewolves was going to be a good thing, a cool thing. Not...Scary.

"So, you guys don't need the full moon to...Transform?" I asked her, still spinning around the clearing, taking it all in.

"Nope." Eliza answered. "We can transform any time we want. Though, around the full moon, things do get a bit...Well, hairy."

I stopped my spinning, looking back over my shoulder at her. "What do you mean?"

"Around the full moon, we are kind of....Forced into our wolf form. Just on the first night of the full moon, though. It gets harder to...Repress some of our more wolfish tendencies."

I snapped my fingers, another realization dawning in my head. "You and Elijah were out 'sick' the week of the full moon."

She grinned, nodding. "Correct. Again with the great mental puzzling, Risa."

I was about to say something back, ask another question maybe, but I heard a snap in the woods behind me, above the rocks. My head spun around, searching the woods and rocks, but saw nothing. I looked around the clearing some more, half convinced I'd see glowing yellow eyes peering at me from behind the rocks.

When I looked back at Eliza, she was just grinning at me yet again. I realized she knew more about that little snapping twig than I did.

"Eliza..." I said warily. "What's going on..."

She stepped closer to me, putting a finger to her leps. "Shhh...You'll see." She whispered to me.


I jumped, spinning around towards where I thought the 'Yo' had come from. It had echoed off of the rocks, making it sound like it came from everywhere. And now, laughter echoed through the clearing. Male laughter.

"Who's your jumpy little friend?" The voice called.

"Hey, I know her!" Called a second voice. I was going to get dizzy from all this spinning around and trying to spot the sources of these voices.

"She's the girl from the bookstore, yeah!" Called a third voice. "The stick-in-the-mud one!"

"Hey!" I yelled back. "I'm no stick-in-the-mud! And I don't think you're all very funny, either!"

"Oh, she speaks!" Said yet another voice.

"Well, I wonder what else she can say?" Said the first voice.

"Do you think if we poke her, she scream?" Said the second.

Eliza, standing next to me, stomped her foot at that. "That's enough, boys. Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

"Whatever you say, girly." The first voice said. "It's nice to see you again, Book Girl." This time, his voice sounded right behind me.

I spun around and came face-to-chest with one of my voices. I looked up slowly and met the eyes of a slightly familiar face.

"I remember you..." I said. "From the bookstore. The flirtacious idiot who tried to woo me from the other side of the counter. Damien."

Damien nodded, shooting me a egotistical smirk. "Damien Coal, at your service."

"And Jason Leafthrow." said the second voice behind me. I spun around yet again, remembering to look up this time, so that I met the eyes of the Jay, the book-balancing circus performer. "I'm here for when you get sick of dealing with that idiot behind you."

I opened my mouth to shoot a sarcastic comment back at him, but a hand grabbed me, spinning me to my right and bringing me face-to-face with the third guy, the one with the glasses, Erik. "Erik Creek. A pleasure to meet you again."

"I'd say the same for you, but I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment." I answered him.

"Well, I'm sorry then, but I must overwhelm you again." said the fourth voice behind me. I turned around, meeting the fourth guy, the Native American type with his long, dark hair. Blaze.

"Blaze Birchleaf." He said. "And, I promise, I'm the last idiot you'll have to deal with for now."

I smiled. "Good to know, Blaze."

Erik and Jason were suddenly pushed to the side as Eliza made her way into the circle and to my side. "Well, Risa, remember when I told you that the only ones in my pack who were around my age were male?"

I nodded. "These would be them, wouldn't they?"

She nodded back, smiling and spreading her arms out wide and with flourish. "Risa, I'd like you to meet The Four."

Eliza: And there you have it! Good, bad, or indifferent? I'm sure Saint would love to know!

Spiffy: Actually, she's probably going to kill us for posting this. She doesn't like her stuff getting out before she wants it to.

Pooky: Yeah, so I wouldn't expect too many free excerpts.

Eliza: Well, we're going to post this now before Fang comes out here and rats on us to Saint.

See ya!

-Eliza Willowood with Spiffy and Pooky

24. Chapter 24: Our Move in Three Sections

Moving is not an easy task

Makes one want to pick up a flask

But that would be an illegal act

So we'll just rhyme as we pack!

Me: Well, as many of you know already, I'm moving out of my house....Joyous.

Fang: And I've finally ran out of terrible names to call your father as well as hideous places to damn him to. Of course, I'm sure I'll come up with more, but I'll chill for now.

Me: Well, today is January 1, 2010, so I'll wish you all a Happy New Year now, as I probably won't get another chance.

Fang: We've got some free time right now, so we're going to add a section to the next poetry corner chapter, then leave it off and finish it later.

Me: So, the chapter will be in at least two sections.

Fang: We also have to type quietly right now, since Amanda's sleeping in the next room.

Me: She's been helping us pack all day, so she's understandably exhausted.

Fang: It's 10:07 at night right now. Our house is a disaster area. Half the stuff, including the kitchen table and my big chair are in storage right now, so Saint and I are squished into one chair.

Me: Hey, it's not like we don't squish in this chair all the time to write chapters.

Fang: True...We're going to have to squish into a new chair...

Me: I know...Ok, we'll let you guys in on our rough plan so far. We're going to move up to the farm.

Fang: Amanda's taking our mice to live at her house... :-(

Me: Fang will dearly miss his little Attalia. Anyway, we'll stay there for however long we need to.

Fang: Probably 'till spring. Maybe.

Me: Then, we're gonna look into an apartment. Probably with section 8 housing.

Fang: 'Section 8 Housing' translates into 'housing for people who have shit for an income'.

Me: Well, that's the not-so-nice way of putting it, Fangles...

Fang: By the way, that second job we're gonna need is looming.

Me: Definetely. We're going to have to get actual cell phones instead of dinky Trac Phones...

Fang: Speaking of cell phones, Amanda's keeps going off. You think it'd wake her up. It keeps playing 'Numa Numa' and Spicegirl's 'Wannabe'.

Me: Hey! Once it a while, it plays 'Old MacDonald'!

Fang: Yeah...

Me: Anyway, my cat and dog are coming along for the ride, of course. Ummm....I found a storage unit that can fit the majority of my crap in it!

Fang: The guy at the storage place said we couldn't run a business out of it. Well, there goes our plans for extra cash...

Me: Technically, he also said no one can live in it. Of course, I figure he won't bother the magical female leopluradon if he actually sees her.

Fang: At least the farm house has a big basement...

Me: Thank God for that. The OCs have been sneaking there way up already...

Fang: Rachel and Jessica have no idea what they're in for, letting us stay up there...

Me: This could get...Interesting...

Fang: Or just scary...

Me: Well, we'll try to keep you all informed!

Fang: And I'll try to post something on my Journal soon.

Me: So...End Section 1.

Section 2

Always thought a farm would be a cool place to live

Never thought a home at one someone would give

But yet they have, so Fang and I

Are living in a farm on a hill up high!

Me: Thank God for kind people.

Fang: Kind people with big houses.

Me: Huge, old farm houses.

Fang: Huge, old, drafty farmhouses that are cold and-

Me: -whacks Fang- Hey, at least you have a roof over your head!

Fang: A cold one...

Me: Fang just feels the need to complain about everything.

Fang: It was freezing this morning!

Me: I know. I'm guessing that's why you crawled into bed next to me, huh?

Fang: ...It was cold! And I was lone- Not used to sleeping by myself...

Me: Lonely?

Fang: Shut up.

Me: Anyway, to explain, some of you know that my friend, Amanda, works on a farm. And some of you also know that I go to Bible Study up at this farm once a week and that I'm good friends with the people who live up here. For those of you who don't know that, well, now you do!

Fang: So, when we needed a place to stay, Rachel, who runs the big farm house here, was more than delighted to take us in.

Me: Basically, we're living in a huge old-fashioned farm house, complete with actual dairy farm!

Fang: Organic dairy farm.

Me: Yeah. Very healthy people here.

Fang: Haven't they heard of McDonald's?

Me: Oh, you like their food.

Fang: I like food in general.

Me: True.

Fang: I like how well I'm fed here. Every meal is huge!

Me: Thank God...

Fang: Oh, good news! I got to keep my mouse!

Me: Which needs feeding, by the way.

Fang: o_0 Oh, crap....

Me: The dog and cat are also here with us. Skye has settled in pretty nicely already, though we've only been here two days.

Fang: It's 1/5/10 right now, by the way.

Me: At 8:14 p.m.

Fang: The only problem we had with Skye is that, this morning, Rachel let him out and he tried to walk home.

Me: We're still in walking distance of our old house, you see.

Fang: Saint had to chase him down the (thankfully not busy) road.

Me: My poor baby boy....

Fang: Sasha won't come out from under the bed, except at night.

Me: And she won't come out of my room.

Fang: She came down once.

Me: Just once.

Fang: So, we have a couple new housemates.

Me: First, there's Rachel, who's bloody wicked mcawesomene for letting us stay, free of charge right now, by the way.

Fang: We just have to help out where we can and try not to add to the food bill too much.

Me: A hard task for Fang.

Fang: -glares-

Me: Then, there's Jessica, who moved back in on the same day we moved in. She lives here most of the time, though stays with her family in Maine sometimes.

Fang: I'm just gonna mention now that Rachel is 23 and Jessica is....15? I'm not sure of her age, actually. Maybe 16.

Me: Somewhere close to that. She's homeschooled.

Fang: Then, there's Grammie and Grampy.

Me: Yeah, the man who owns the farm, John, lives in a house he built himself that's basically right next door. Grampy is his father and owns the house we're in right now, though he's older now and basically let's Rachel, his grandaughter and John's niece run the place.

Fang: Grammie is, of course, his wife, and, sadly, has Alzheimers. (Too lazy to see if that's spelled right.)

Me: But she's really sweet.

Fang: And yeah, we know their real names, but everyone calls them Grammie and Grampy, so...Yeah.

Me: And Grampy, Fang, and Skye are the only males in the house...

Fang: You should see the upstairs bathroom. It's absolutely girl-central.

Me: And Fang has to use it.

Fang: Gah.

Me: And Fang and I were technically given our own rooms, but Fang seems relunctant to use his for more than storage for his stuff.

Fang: Oh, shut it...

Me: He even got the bigger room! It has, like, three beds in it! And if he didn't like any of those, there's a door at the other end of the room that leads to another bedroom with two more beds in it! And then, if he could un-jam the door at the other end of that room, there's probably more beds that way!

Fang: It was just so...empty in there.

Me: 11:00 at night, the kid climbs in bed with me.

Fang: Your room's a teensy bit warmer, anyway.

Me: In case you haven't guessed yet, the old farm house has no central heating.

Fang: We have a woodstove in the kitchen.

Me: It gets chilly.

Fang: How about we talk about explaining my wings to these people.

Me: I came up with the most wonderful story...

Fang: Oh, the tangled webs Saint weaves...

Me: I basically explained that Fang had been kidnapped and illegally experimented on as a child, but was rescued and put up for adoption by some government organization to help get homes for these poor children, and that Fang had to keep his particular experimentation a secret to keep his life more normal.

Fang: Then, I whipped the wings out.

Me: They actually took it pretty well.


Rachel: -jaw drop-

Jessica: -jaw drop-

Grampy: -eyes widened-

Grammie: Wow! That's nice...


Me: Yeah...

Fang: They still let me in, anyway.

Me: And they don't treat you any differently.

Fang: Thank God...

-1 Minute Later-

Me: Ok, Rachel just said goodnight to us, thus interrupting our train of thought...

Fang: Ok, well, we'll just explain the next thing we wanted to explain.

Me: Oh, yeah! Well, there is wifi here at the farmhouse, obviously, but it only works its best down in the kitchen. I can pick it up in my room, but only faint traces, so it doesn't always work.

Fang: So, we can work on FanFiction, but we may have to come downstairs to post it.

Me: Skype still works, though!

Fang: Feel free to add us on there!

Me: . if it's not already on my profile.

Fang: Saint usually has it on invisible, so just try us, and if one of us feels like talking, we'll respond.

Me: Sometimes, I'm just not in a very talkative mood, so I won't say much...

Fang: And I'm not always on it. Saint's afraid if I run wild on it, I'll say too much...(Vera, you know what I mean.)

Me: He does get on, though, so you can talk to Fangles, too.

Fang: Well, I still want to update my Journal.

Me: And I'm getting tired, so we'll end this here for now.

Fang: Fine by me.

-Saint and Fang, from there new farmhouse home.

Section 3

-5 minutes later-

Me: We forgot to tell you about what Amanda gave us for Christmas!

Fang: Besides a chess set?

Me: Duh! She gae us a goldfish!

Fang: Oh, yeah... :D

Me: And I made the mistake of telling Fang he could name it.

Fang: I like it's name!

Me: -facepalm- Alright, you say what it's name is. But first, M.G., I would like to apologize for the name. I don't know what's going on with Fang's mind.

Fang: His name is Mackles.

Me: After his nickname for M.G.'s boyfriend, Mack.

Fang: Poor Mackles has to live at Amanda's for now, though.

Me: Mackles... -facepalm-

Fang: What?!

Me: I'm going to bed...

Fang: Fine.

-Saint and Fang, out again.

25. Chapter 25: Iggy Joins the Insanity

Fang: So, we put up a poll to see what you would all like to see in the next Poetry Corner. -sigh-

Iggy: You all like me You really like me!

Fang: Not only did you all have to pick Iggy, but Saint had to go and acquire the most annoying Iggy of all...

Iggy: I'm the one that lives with Skits. You know, Fangalicous08.

Fang: You.

Iggy: Yes, me, Fangles. You know you want me.

Fang: Of all the Iggys, he's the one with the dirtest mind. Not to mention the one that seems to have a thing for me.

Iggy: -dramatic sigh- But I can't have you. You're a married man, after all.

Fang: Don't remind me of that.

Iggy: See, we've been having weddings over Skype...

Fang: That don't count as real weddings.

Iggy: You only wish. Anyway, we had one already where Rain married Iggy (a different one. I have many clones), so we decided our next one should be Saint and Fang!

Fang: The world hates me.

Iggy: :D Just wait 'till Saint posts the wedding. She copy and pasted it.

Fang: Don't remind me...

Iggy: It was a beautiful wedding..Or, it probably was. Skits and I weren't there.

Fang: -shrugs- Shoulda stayed up later.

Iggy: Oh, shut up.

Fang: Fake weddings aside, this is a poetry corner, you know.

Iggy: Oh, yeah...

My name's Iggy, this is Fang

We're taking the poetry corner out with a bang!

Fang: -cough-Terrible-cough-

Iggy: What was that, Fangles?

Fang: You suck.

Iggy: It was fine! It rhymed!

Fang: Whatever...

Iggy: Already, Fang, since you've suddenly gone poetry critic, you write a better one!

Fang: Fine!

Poetry is not Iggy's thing

His rhyming lines just do not ring

Though it probably won't lighten his mood

I think he should stick to explosives and food.

Iggy: ...That was ok. Did Saint help you?

Fang: No. :D

Iggy: Whatever....You know, you should be nice to me.

Fang: Why?

Iggy: I know all your little secrets now that I've stayed with you. Things you don't want people to know...

Fang: And if you tell, you will die a horrible, painful death.

Iggy: Hmmm...Could be worth it.

Fang: -headdesk-

Iggy: But moving on, for now, I'd like to talk about this farm you're living at.

Fang: What about it?

Iggy: Well, it's nice and all, but...

Fang; But???

Iggy: There's so many chores!

Fang: -sacrcasm- Wow, Ig, chores on a farm?! Who would've ever thought...

Iggy: There's, like, housework...

Fang; Yeah, it happens.

Iggy: Then, there's, like, farmwork...

Fang: -more sarcasm- -le gasp- On a farm, no less!

Iggy: -glare- You can cut it out with the sarcasm any time, Fang.

Fang; But it's so much fun...

Iggy: What I mean is, how can you stand this?

Fang: Stand what?

Iggy: For instance, this week, you had to take out the trash.

Fang: -muchos sarcasm- The agony...

Iggy: Plus, you had to do people's laundry!

Fang: -again, sarcasm- Yeah, Ig, lifting that bottle of detergent nearly killed me, but I managed.

Iggy: And, on top of all that, you had to help with farm stuff!

Fang: Yeah, Ig. I went to the barn and helped. I even invited you along to watch. And what did you say?

Iggy: I said no.

Fang: No. You whined, "But, Fang! It's cold outside! And barns smell. And there's, like, cows out there!"

Iggy: Yeah, they have real cows!

Fang: -facepalm- No, Iggy! We have llamas. What do you think this is, a dairy farm? (Note: Sarcasm again.)

Iggy: You have some funny-looking llamas.

Fang: -headdesk-

Iggy: But, seriously, Fang! You had to go, like, milk a cow!

Fang: Actually, I only helped with milking. Amanda, David, and Meredith milk. I do whatever they tell Jessica and I to do.

Iggy: So you have to, like, squeeze cow udders?

Fang: You realize that they don't milk cows by hand anymore, don't you?

Iggy: Of course! Yeah...Sure....

Fang: They have a machine, Iggy.

Iggy: Oh, yeah, of course...

Fang: If you'd come outside to watch, you would know this.

Iggy: But it was cold! And dirty!

Fang: Yo, Skits? If you're reading this, I'd like you to know that your Iggy is a spoiled, lazy brat.

Iggy: I AM NOT!

Fang: You found a way to weasel out of everything we asked you to do.

Iggy: You wanted me to milk a cow!

Fang: I was just going to have you watch and maybe carry some small stuff!

Iggy: While you milk a cow.

Fang: A cow? Iggy, how many cows do you think are out there?

Iggy: Uh....

Fang: Iggy?

Iggy: Twenty. :D

Fang: No.

Iggy: Twenty-five?

Fang: More like Sixty-Four.

Iggy: That's a lot of cows.

Fang: Yeah.

Iggy: And a lot of milk.

Fang: Mm-hm.

Iggy: And a lot of cow boobies.

Fang: IGGY!

Iggy: Well, it's true!

Fang: -facepalm- Whatever...

Iggy: Oh! I got to go to Subway with you!

Fang: Don't remind me...

Iggy: Funniest Quote of the Week: Hearing Fang say, "Hi! What can I get for you today?" In a fake happy voice. And it was a close tie with him asking, "Six inch or footlong?"

Fang: Why?

Iggy: The sick-minded meanings...

Fang: -headdesk-

Iggy: And Fang has to wear a neon blue shirt! I dare you all to picture this. I've tried. It causes much laughter...

Fang: Damn you...

Iggy: Well, in other news...I know a secret about Fang....

Fang: That is going to stay a secret...

Iggy: Most of the Skype Crew already know it...

Fang: And that's how it's going to stay...


Fang: -tackles Iggy-


-beautiful violin concierto plays-

-End Intermission-

Me: Can you two not handle doing a Poetry Corner chapter by yourselves?

Fang and Iggy: -point to each other- He started it!

Me: -facepalm-

Just one boy was quite enough

To get my tailfeathers ruffled with fluff

But between these troublesome two

I might fly to Timbuktu!

Iggy: She's good.

Fang: She's had a lot of practice.

Me: You better believe it. Now, find something to talk about.

Iggy: I met Amanda!

Me: And what'd you think of her?

Iggy: She likes exposives and chaos. She's blunt. She swears like a sailor. She can wrestle a cow. And, to top it all off, she has a mind as sick as mine. So...She's single, right?

Fang: Right now.

Iggy: Hmmm...Either her or Cleverbot...

Fang: Pick Amanda. At least she's human...


Me: What about the beautiful talent you and Amanda have for insulting poor Fang?


Amanda, Fang, Iggy, and I are walking downtown-

Amanda: Fang, you have the gayest walk!

Fang: I do not!

Iggy: -cracks up- And he's got a voice to match...

Fang: Shut up, Ig.

Amanda: Well, if those skinny jeans of his get any tighter, he'll be singing soprano.

Fang: Get a life, Amanda.

Iggy: Why's that, Amanda?

Amanda: You know, 'cause they'll squeeze his 'happy place'...

Iggy: -look of mocking shock- You mean Fang's a guy?!

Fang: -seething with anger-

Amanda and Iggy: -laughing hysterically-

Me: -somewhere between comforting Fang and giggling madly-


Iggy: Yeah, those were good times...

Fang: For you.

Me: Well...Any other news, boys?

Fang: I got nothing. Ig?

Iggy: -shrugs- Saint?

Me: Well, I was working on my Wall of Shame.

Iggy: Wall of Shame?

Fang: It's a list of basically everyone who's pissed Saint off lately.

Iggy: Ahh...Who's on it?

Me: Well, I've got a couple people here, so far...I might let Fang use it for his Journal.

Fang: Who have you got?

Me: Well, winner of the Award for Being the Biggest JerkWad is....

Gary the Social Worker!

Won by his epic quote to me: "Your Mom's gonna DIE!"

Fang: I remember him...Never have I been so close to murder...

Me: What about winner of the Deadest of Deadbeat Dads Award?

Fang: I take it back. He brought me closer to murder...

Me: That would be my own father, for reasons that don't need explanation.

Iggy: Anyone else on the list?

Me: Well, Chrissy223 wins Most Disgraceful Fanfiction Writer. I don't think too many people saw what I posted about her, mostly because I deleted all of it soon after finding out she'd left the site.

Yeah, I basically posted something telling everyone to report the little weasel for plagarism (stealing Skit's pendrive then posting Skit's stuff on her account) and for total disregard of the English language.

In hindsight, maybe I went a bit too far, siccing my readers on another author. That was rather...Out of line, in a way. Very tactless of me....


Iggy: -backs away slowly-

Fang: Saint...Calm....

Me: Just...The idea of stealing someone's work...I can't even imagine...

And, this isn't the first time this girl and I have crossed not-so-pleasant paths. This last time just sent me over the edge.

Fang: Well, she's gone now.

Iggy: The world is safe, for now.

Me: Yes. Moving on...

Iggy: Uh...I like olives.

Me: I hate olives.

Fang: What about olive oil?


Iggy: No, M.G. and Kara will.

Me: M. G. Christiani, whose ACCENT DOES NOT SOUND FAKE!

Fang: It's an ongoing debate. Does M. G.'s accent sound fake?

Me: It doesn't.

Iggy: Ok, let's switch subjects before we piss M. G. off....Are appendixes evil?


Fang: They're on the same level as the letter Q in evilness...


Me: Is it just me, or is this conversation spiralling downward into a sensless vortex of inane vocabulary and asinine randomosity?

Iggy: What?

Fang: She means the conversation makes no sense.

Iggy: Oh, yeah, it doesn't.

Me: Any last words before we just end this weirdness?

Fang: Goodbye, so long, go read my journal.

Me: Talk to ya later, peoples.

Iggy: Fang, I am totally willing to let Saint into our relationship if you really love her.

Fang: Iggy?

Iggy: Yeah?

Fang: -punches lights out-

Me: Ahh...Silence.

Fang: Thank God.

-Saint, Fang, and Iggy

26. Chapter 26: FANG in Review Spoilers!


Oh, just thought of a really bad pun about Fang going bad in the fridge...




Fang: They may not have money or something, Saint...

Me: ...Well, unless you have a good excuse...


Fang: -cracks up- You can say that again...

Me: Anyway, please proceed past the dotted....Dots for the next chapter.







































FANG caused me some great excitement and fun

I think this book may be number one.

That is, except for the damn end.

Tell me, which part of Tartarus J.P. I should send?

Fang: Wherever they kept Kronos.

Me: Good idea. The man has driven me mad...

Fang: He almost killed me.

Me: I freaked out.

Fang: That's putting it lightly. You began to screech, jump up and down on the bed, repeatedly say, "Not Fang, fix Fang, BRING HIM BACK, ZEUS DAMN IT!" and then, when I came back to life, you began praising God.

Me: If I hadn't already been a believer, I would've been then...

Fang: I can see the church sign...."Come and see how Fang survives in book 6! Know the power of God!!!"

Me: Maybe that's what the sign at Max and Matt's 'Fang's Witnesses' church says...

Fang: I thought it said, "BURN IN JEB, SUCKAS!!"

Me: -shrugs- They change it sometimes...

Fang: Well, anyway, we're here to discuss the book bearing my name...

Me: YES! The epical 6th Maximum Ride book! Makes up for TFW by far!!!

Fang: It's got everything...

Me: And we're here to discuss it! Ok, so, I think we've already been over topic 1, Fang's death, so let's move on to topic 2!

My favorite scene was easy to choose

It just tickled my humorous muse

Though I thought the apocolypse was coming nigh'

When Fang started giggling like he was high.

Me: The scene in The Trojan Horse...I would pay for their security camera videos to see it...

Fang: Give me a break. I won the Jackpot!

Me: You giggled like a five year old who won an entire candy store.

Fang: ...Touche. Good analogy.

Me: Gracias.

Fang: De nada.

Me: Next topic!

What can I say about that Dylan kid?

At first he had my hatred bid.

Now, I feel kinda bad for the guy,

Though, my hatred hasn't left, I cannot lie.

Me: I'm just too much of a Fang girl. I still hate Dylan.

Fang: -mutters- Dill Weed...

Me: You mean Justin Bieber? -giggles-

Fang: Bieber Weed...

Me: Anyway, yeah, he had a sucky life. Yeah, it's not totally his fault he's crazy for Max. Yeah, it's not his fault his name is boring. But, he annoys the bejeepers out of me. Too perfect. Too...I don't know...Too Dylan.


Fang: You guys should've seen Saint screaming obscenities at Dylan at that part. Priceless.

Me: Grrr...I guess, if Dylan were to stop being a little homewrecker, I'd like him better. Like, date Nudge or something!

Or Iggy...

Fang: Spare me.

Me: Need a new topic...

Angel is a little brat

Kids with guns, You don't see that

She pissed me off up 'till the end

Don't know if she'll ever again be a friend.

Me: Angel...That girl needs a time out...

In boot camp.

Fang: She's really been a bit bratty lately...

Me: That's putting it lightly. I used to like her, but now she's just pissing me off...Miss Leader...

Oh, bad pun...Miss Leader mislead them...

Fang: -facepalm-

Me: Next!!

Iggy, will you just shut up?

You are like a whiny pup.

Never happy in this book.

You're one complaining little cook.

Me: Ever notice all Iggy did was complain? My gosh...

Fang: Let's imitate Iggy here...

"I don't wanna save the world! I don't wanna be in Africa! Chad is a stupid name! I don't wanna be blind! Max and Fang are all over each other! My mixer! I want a new leader! I don't like the new leader! I don't feel good. I don't wanna be in this Hollywood place!"

Me: Granted, some of his complaints had good reasons, it's not technically the fact that he complained, it's just...He did a lot of it. I'm like, "At least let someone else complain already!"

Fang: Oh well...Moving on...

J.P.'s contest was exciting for me,

Until the rules I did see.

Obviously I'm too old

To write MR, or so I'm told.

So, there was this contest adveritised in the back of the American book...

"Write a chapter for the next Maximum Ride book! Win money!"

That kind of thing.

I'm like, "Heck, I do that for fun." And looked into it.

Guess what? Age limit! I think it was 13-18.

Thanks for crushing my dreams, J.P. I had to go turn 19...

So, I guess everyone else can have fun trying to write a chapter.

I'll just sit here and become a published author the old fashioned way. Little money, little time, and one big dream...

That keeps getting shot down by the world around me, and the contest rules didn't help.

So what? I'm 19. I'm only a year above the limit, and just barely. Just turned 19 the first of March, after all. And I have great ideas.

Fang: Maybe J.P.'s afraid you'd be better than him...

Me: Maybe...-giggles- I could make Justin canon!

Fang: Or...Maybe he's afraid of that.

Me: It was a joke!

Fang: Sure...Moving on...

So, Fang left. How very sad.

But I have to say, I'm not mad.

For if he had stayed, there would be

No kidnapped Fangles for me!

Fang: I'm guessing this is where you start explaining that whole 'space-time continuum' thing you keep going on about.

Me: Yes! I was trying to figure out exactly how I acquired you, and it seems that I have an answer! Obviously, my Writing Magic coincided with Jimmy P.'s Imagination-

Fang: Ok, let's try The Idiot's Guide version of this, Saint.

Me: Ok...So, Over a year ago, I used my magic to bring you here.

Fang: And you wouldn't let me leave. Got it. And?

Me: I never thought I would actually bring you here, of course. I'm not supposed to be able to, like, bring you here permanently. But, obviously at that exact desperate moment when I summoned you, J.P. had the idea to make you leave, which freed you up in his world for the time being and made it possible for me to magic you here to our dimension!

Fang: And I'm officially confused.

Me: That's the nice version. Wanna hear my other version?

Fang: Oh, why not?

Me: I might've...Well...Summoned you at the exact moment J.P. sentenced you to die, so I might've...Cloned you soul or something and that would mean that you're...-said really fast since stupid FF won't let me just bunch the words together anymore- Stuck here for all eternity because you can't return to an already occupied body.

Fang: Yeah, I still got that. I'm with option 1.

Me: It'd explain where you are...With me!

Fang: Hey! I'm closer to twenty now!

Me: Max isn't.

Fang: ...Damn.

Me: :P

Fang: So, let me get this straight. You never meant to kidnap me but just kind of magic me here for a bit, but you somehow, like, became in sync with J.P.'s brain waves and dragged me out of his subconscious at the exact moment that he either killed me or sent me away, making me part of the real world?

Me: -nods-

Fang: Saint...You know what? I'm just gonna...Move on...

Me: Ok...

Fang: Whoa, wait! What about the multiple Iggys! The Maxs! All the other kidnapees!

Me: Well, my breaking you out may have broken a barrier and set off a chain reaction...

Fang: Nevermind, don't wanna know.

Me: So, to wrap this up...

FANG was great and worth the read.

We think J.P. is breaking the need

Of crappy plots and Mary Sues.

So we can all get out of the blues!

Me: Have to say, FANG is making up for some of the downfalls of some other books -cough-The Final Warning-cough-

Fang: You really hated that book.

Me: I know some people liked it, that's fine, but let's face it, it was mostly a flop. I think J.P.'s been trying to make up for it since. With FANG, he's done it.

Though there are still a lot of plot holes to fill, I have to say, at least the plot starts to thicken a little.

The bad guys aren't all disappearing mysteriously or dying at the end of the book. We may see them again.

There's conflict. We can't have everything with a happy ending. (And I'm a sucker for happy endings, so this kind of kills me to admit.)

Surprisingly, I don't think there was an overkill of Fax. I mean, yeah, there's a lot, but it was...More realistic? I don't know how to put it, but it's not like I was sitting there going, "Will they stop sucking face and get on with the story?!" More like there was a good balance between Fax and the rest of the story. Yeah, I don't know what I'm trying to explain...

Return of Jeb! Some part of me is happy that he's back, at least for the sake of some certain Antis out there...Personally, I still don't like him and I don't blame Max one bit for not wanting him back. He reminds me of my dad and I'd react the same way. And, I do admit, if my dad took a bullet for me, I'd probably feel bad. Forgive him for everything? Hell no, but I'd be nice to him for...a while. Well, let's hope that situation never comes.

It had some of the old "On the Run and On Their Own" vibes back! A bit of the Hollywood glamour shit was mixed in, but not too much. And the Africa thing was surprisingly short.

Of course, it still has some kinks to be worked out...

Did I mention the plot holes? I mean, how many totally random things with no explanation happened in this book? And then, add them to the stuff with no explanation that's happened in the other books! Mr. Chu becomes random green thing. Eraser attack after they're all gone. Breaking the mutants out of the Institute, never to be seen again. (Which means Max lied when she said she had never seen another winged kid. Read your own books often, J.P.? There was one in the first book.) Nudge's fleeting moment of vegetarianism. The Voice(s). The mysteriously disappearing Flock clones. Fang's hot flashes from book 2. The papers on their parents they had that randomly turned from understandable to gobbledegook. All these powers they keep developing then never using. (Fang never blended in with anything once...Made me sad. And what about their new underwater capabilities?) Who the Heck is Ella's dad? When are you bringing her back? What about the rest of the Martinez family? Don't they find this interesting? Is John Abate making a reappearance?Whatever the Hell happened in the third book with Max's hand going from working to not working and blah blah blah. And I'm sure there are countless more. You better be ready to explain at least the majority of these, J.P., or you will be sorry. I hate plotholes.

Fang is gone. Sadness.

Dylan. I dare you to make me like him, J.P. Just try.

Max switches her opinions so much, I've decided Nathan P. is right. She's bipolar. I'd say make her make up her mind already, but I'd rather have you just write that she's bipolar. :D

There's so much more I could say. I could go on and on. But if I do, this chapter will never go up...So, Fang? Parting words?

Fang: I thought it was good. Except me dying. And...Whatever happened to my Jackpot money?!

Me: -eyeroll- Let's get this posted...

Fang: Fine by me...

-Saint and Fang

P.S. Ok, who else thought in that chapter where they came home and Max asked Total how Akila was and he said that he had something to tell them, that he was gonna say Akila was having puppies? That was my first thought...Would've been funny...

Fang: How'd they...Make puppies?

Me: He can fly...

Fang: Nevermind. Don't wanna know...

27. Chapter 27: A Little Clearing Up

Ok, so after reading some reviews for my last chapter, I decided there was some clearing-up to do.

Fang: So this will be the shortest poetry corner chapter on the planet.

Me: -nods- Ok, first...

The questions at the back of the book

Though funny at the first look

Have nothing to do with me

It's another fan, see?

Ok, the questions at the back of FANG are not mine, and are not even based off mine. Those questions were asked years ago on Fang's old blog. I remember reading them. They were actually what inspired me to write my own. So, no, not my questions.

Fang: Ok, second issue?

Me: Not really an issue, but...I've decided I have a couple different things to write concerning FANG now.

First, we have to discuss Fang's gambling addiction.

Fang: I'm not addicted to gambling!

Me: Sure...That's what you said about the Night Quills...

Fang: -headdesk-

Me: And...Maybe I can write about when we first met...

Fang: -gags-

Me: Issue three! Not having to do with FANG, but I've gotten this question a lot, so...

No, I am not posting my NaNoWriMo novel. No, there is no link to it. You can't read it.


Well, besides the fact that it isn't finished yet, I have some bigger plans for it than just sticking it on the internet...

Like, maybe, I don't know...Trying to get it published?

Call it a pipe dream, but it's my pipe dream.

So, it's not going up on the internet. Instead, it will hopefully come to a Border's near you.

Fang: Not if you don't finish it.

Me: I'm working on it!

Fang: So...We done?

Me: Let me just add...

Fang is my bestest friend

He will be there 'till the end

Unless he has more stupid thoughts

Like drinking alcohol, and lots!


Me: Fang accidentally drank a drink at Amanda's house last night that wasn't meant for him...

Fang: It was all chocolatly-looking...But it tasted funny...

Me: It's called vodka, dumbass.

Fang: -headdesk-

Me: Oh, just thought of one more thing to add!


-huggles Fang-

Why would I be mad when Fang is now MINE!!!




Fang: ...Scary Gollum impersonation...

Me: -hisses-

Fang: -sigh-

-Saint and Fang

28. Chapter 28: Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day has come around

Flowers and jewelery everywhere to be found

But for us, the person we are to celebrate

Is on the other side of that heavenly gate.

Me: Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there!

Fang: ...Saint? How many moms do you think read our stuff?

Me: Well, I'm talking to the moms of the people who read our stuff! Go on! Tell your moms that a 19-year-old fanfic writer wished them a Happy Mother's Day!

Fang: Or, just say 'Happy Mother's Day'. It's a nice thing to say, ya know.

Me: Give 'em a big hug! Go on!

Fang: So, where are we going with this Poetry Corner, anyway? Besides attempting to get a bunch of teenagers to hug their moms?

Me: It's a celebration of mothers everywhere! Go moms! Without you, we'd be non-existent!

Fang: Unless you were born in a test tube...

Me: You know, you'd still have to have an egg cell and a sperm cell in that test tube, and they have to get those from someone, so you still have a mom...

Fang: ...Point.

Me: Plus, you had my Mom!

Fang: Mum. The woman you inherited insanity from...

Me: And a car.

Fang: Yeah, Saint's inheritence was insanity and a car. Mine was Saint.

Me: And we both inherited a storage unit full of stuff.

Fang: And Affie inherited both of us. Poor Affie...

Me: Anyways, enough about inheritence. We should write some poetry for moms out there!

Fang: Sure. It'll be great for all the readers who need something last minute to write in their Mother's Day cards...

Me: Let's write!

Mom you really are the bomb

For you, I shall write this psalm

To tell you how much I really care

Even though I gave you so much gray hair!

Fang: Aw, how touching. I think I might gag.

Me: Oh, shut up.

To my Mother, who is fair.

She always tells me how she cares.

She puts up with my nutty ways.

And prays for my sanity in better days.

Fang: Eh, I've seen better.

Me: Eh? You have?

Fang: Eh. I have.

Me: Eh?

Fang: Eh.

Me: Eh!

Fang: Ehhh...

Me: Eh eh.

Fang: Eh eh.

Me: Eh eh eh eh eh eh!

Fang: Eh.

Me: Eh eh.

Fang: Eh eh eh eh eh eh.

Me: Eh eh, eh eh eh eh eh eh eh.

Fang: Eh eh eh eh eh eh.

Me: Eh eh eh eh eh eh.

Fang: Eh...Why are we doing this?

Me: -shrugs-

Fang: Ok, let me take over the poetry...

To my mom, the patient one

I'm surprised she hasn't taken me out with a gun

I drive her crazy, she's must be a saint,

To put up with me from early to late.

Me: I'm guessing I was the inspiration for that.

Fang: -nod-

Me: You got anything else in that skull of yours?

Fang: Sure.

You cook, you clean, you mend my stuff

You fill my toys back up with fluff

You don't get a day off, not in any year

You deserve your very own cheer!

Me: Do you think Hallmark would hire us?

Fang: Ummm...Doubt it.

Me: They should.

Fang: Yeah, we'll start a 'Saint and Fang' line of cards.

Me: Totally awesomene.

Fang: I'd like to add something to this Poetry Corner for Moms talk.

Me: What?

Fang: I'd like to honor another mother.

She lives far away from her children that are many

But she does not care less about any

She worries about their problems, frets over their woes

She talks about them wherever she goes.

She tries to help out the best that she can

And when she can't, she threatens to plan

A trip to their home to help with this mess

For her little family, she'd do no less

She crazy, some would say, some even call her pedo-like

But she doesn't care, she'd tell them to take a hike

'Cause we may only be a family on Skype

But our 'Mother Bear Saint' is the reason for all our hype.

Me: ...Did you just...Write an overly-long poem about me?

Fang: That's right, everyone! Out of our entire 'Skype Crew Family', Saint here is the 'Mother Bear' of the group, so deserves some Mother's Day honor!

Me: -facepalm- I can't believe this...

Fang: Happy Mom's Day to Saint from the Skype Crew!

Me: Who are these children and why are they calling me 'Mom'?

Fang: In honor of you, Saint, some of your 'children' have some messages for you! Both Skype Crew and...Your 'creations'...

Me: Shoot me...

Fang: First up, Pooky!

Me: -runs over to the fic 'Me, Max, and a Dog Kennel' by tgypwya- Neytiri! Knife!

Neytiri: Who are you and how did you get in here?

Me: Not the point. I need the knife.

Neytiri: -refuses-

Me: Damn it!

Max: -walks in- Who are you and what are you doing here?

Me: I need the knife!

Neytiri: -refuses-

Me: Hand. It. Over!

Matt: -walks in- Something wrong in here?

Me: Shit. -disappears in puff of smoke-

Matt: What...?

Max: I think your fic was just infiltrated by a 19-year-old pedo.

Matt: Damn, I hate it when that happens...

Me: -reappears in Poetry Corner-

Fang: You want to hear Pooky's message now?

Me: -sigh- Fine...

Pooky: Dear Saint, you didn't create me, but you took me in, loved me, gave me friends, and let me watch MANswers so I could learn what the most common sex injury was. Thank you!

Me: -facepalm- Broken 'pencil'...

Fang: Spiffy, you're up!

Spiffy: Lady Saint, I most humbly thank you for creating me. It is a pleasure to work by your side, through trials, tribulations, and turkey buzzards. Go Canadia!

Me: ...Turkey Buzzards?

Spiffy: -singing- Old turkey buzzard...Old turkey buzzard!

Me: Alrighty then...

Fang: Now, we have a message from M.G.!

Me: If it involves red lace and the word 'eh'...

Fang: No, she wasn't on Valium today...

Me: Damn...

M.G.: "I lovest Saint very muchly 'cause she's our 'mother unit'... But I STILL want to know what this damn Conspiracy is... ANYWAY... I lovest you, Saint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love, M.G."

Me: Oh, you know what the conspiracy is...You just don't know that you know...

Fang: -facepalm- Sorry, M.G. I don't know if she'll ever tell you.

Me: I don't have to...

Fang: If I may quote Max... "3 billion woman on this planet and we had to get the one voted 'Most Likely to Become a Delusional Psychopath' as our mom"...

Me: Oh, shut up.

Fang: And now a word from Vera.

Me: My updating general...

Vera: "Saint! I wuffles you to deathykins! you is epic, you hear!? EPIC! I wuv you thiiiiiiis much -holds out arms-! Yeah, I wuv you five feet and two inches! So, um, yeah.

Wuffles and minkles,


Me: Five feet and 2 inches...I am so loved...

Fang: And with minkles!

Me: Minkles! That's it! Minkles, take me out!

Minkles: -refuse-

Me: Damn...

Fang: Also, it seems Vera's OC, Java has a message for you!

Me: They're just popping out of the woodwork...


Me: Now I'm a Step-Mom...

Fang: I always thought you were the evil type.

Me: -eyeroll- Thanks...

Fang: And now a message from !

Me: Kara, the FlockUpdates Gangsta Wonder...

Kara: MOMMY!!!!!!! Even though your none of our mothers by birth (ciz thatd be creepy. You -counts on fingers- 5 year old whore poppin kids out like a popcorn machiene at the movies..where was this going?) ANYWAY, even if youre not our Mumsie by birth, you still deserve the number one mom award! -holds up foam finger- Youre number one, youre number one! So happy Mothers day, Ma! You ROCK! ...especially when you keep jour hubby from pissing in my ocean. :D Eh.

Me: I had my first boyfriend at 5 years old. His name was Ben. He gave me a McDonald's Barbie. Then, I caught him holding this girl, Molly's, hand, so I started dating his best friend.

Fang: ...You started this pedo thing early.


Fang: Sure...

Me: -facepalm-

Fang: Anyway, now a message from the wonderful author of Rainy Day Games with the Flock, Skittles!

Me: I bet this contains the word 'Mumsie'...

Skittles: "Dearest Mumsie, even though we never had that spot of tea in the parlor, I still lurvest you. You're the #1 mom! -gives mug that says '#1 Mom' on it- You can drink your coffee from it. Or tea. Or, y'know, try to fit it into some of your fun with Fang. -wiggles eyebrows- -coughs- Anyway, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MUM! I LURVE YOU! Lovest, you're favourite daughter, Skits. P.S. "The one...holy crap, Stevo's grabbing his dick."

Me: Told ya.

Fang: And...Stevo...

Me: -facepalm-

Fang: Look, you got a mug out of it!

Me: -looks at mug- I'm thirsty...

Fang: Go get a drink, then.

Me: Ok. -walks off- -transports self to Iggy Ramblings by Aleria14- Iggy, you gotta help me.

Iggy: What? Saint?

Me: Yeah. Fang's doing this crazy Mother's Day thing. I need to, like, hide or off myself or some-

Bell: -walks in- Iggy?

Me: Damn. -disappears-

Iggy: Ok...Yeah, Bell?

Bell: Matt just DMed. Said there was a pedo in his room today.

Iggy: That seems to be going around...

Me: -reappears at house- -gets tea- -returns to Fang- Alright, continue with public humiliation...

Fang: Gladly. Now, I have a message from Matt, Max, and Neytiri!

Me: -shifty eyes- Oh? Does it involve pedos invading his home?

Fang: No...Why?

Me: Heh, no reason.

Fang: Ok...Well, here it is!

Me: Okay, guys, we're doing this for Saint, so don't screw up...

Max: If it's Mother's Day, why can't I send my mom something?

Me: Ella'll cover for you.

Neytiri: What about me?

Me: 'Tiri, do you even /celebrate/ Mother's Day?

Neytiri: .....No.....

Me: Okay then. Saint. Wow. Where should I start?

Max: Saint. You inspired this twit to kidnap me. Thanks a lot.

Neytiri: Saint. I like that. Saint. Saaaaaaiiiiint. Sehnt... Eh? Eh? Eh eh eh eh eh eh...

Max: -eyeroll-

Me: Uh, okay. Saint. Are you my mommy?

Max: -facepalm-

Me: Yeah, I had no idea what to say, so I instead went with Plan B.

Max: Plan B?

Me: -nods- Where'd he go...

Stevo: -grabs dick-

Me: -grins- And there you go. Happy Mother's Day, Saint!

Max: -eyeroll-

Me: Say hi, BillyBob!

Max: I give up...

Me: I just got a random guy grabbing his dick for Mother's Day...

Fang: Your children give you such heartfelt gifts.

Me: I don't think that's a heart he's feeling...

Fang: Really touching gifts...

Me: You can say that again.

Fang: Stop turning everything into a sick comment.

Me: Fang! It's a guy grabbing his dick. There is no way to not turn that into a sick comment!

Fang: -shrugs- Fine, be that way.

Me: -eyeroll- So, anything else?

Fang: Well...Not really. No one else got on Skype last night, so I couldn't get messages from the rest of the Skype Crew...

Me: Tragedy.

Fang: But I'm sure they'll leave something in the comments! They all love their Virtual Mothering Unit!

Me: ...

Fang: So, a Happy Mother's Day to all mothers out there!

Me: And Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you, miss you, and no, I still haven't touched your Apollo Anton Ohno book.

Fang: So...I think we're done.

Me: Yeah.

Minkles: -burst in through wall- We've found the pedo!

Me: I'm not a pedo!

Fang: WTF...

Matt: -walks in through wall- Great, I- Oh, it's just Saint.

Me: Eh?

Matt: Eh.

Bell: Did you guys find... Oh, hi, Saint!

Me: Yo.

Fang: You guys could've used the door, you know...

Vera: Minkles! ATTACK AND- Nevermind! It's just Saint.

Minkles: Awww...

Spiffy: We'll challenge you to a duel!

Pooky: En garde!

Minkles: Yay!

-duel commences on front yard-

Iggy: Hey, Fang, I'll challenge you to a duel, if you know what I mean...

Fang: No, Ig...When'd you get here?

Skits: We followed the debris left by the charging Minkles.

Fang: There goes our forests...

Me: Eh?

Matt: Eh.

Me: Eh! Eh?

Matt: Eh eh. Eh...

Me: Eh?

Matt: Eh eh eh eh. Eh?

Me: Eh...

Fang: You get the feeling they're, like, having a conversation?

Iggy: Seems like it...

Max: I don't get it...

Fang: Max!

Max: Fang!

Neytiri: Jake?

Max: NO!

Neytiri: Aww...

M.G.: Can someone explain why half the forest has been trampled by Minkles?

Matt: Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh!

M.G.: Nevermind...


M.G.: I'm just gonna go, and pretend I never walked in here...

Kara: M.G.! Your forest got trampled by Minkles, too?

M.G.: -nods-

Kara: This is almost as bad as when Fang pissed in my ocean!

Fang: I DID NOT!

Kara: DID TOO!

Mack: -walks up- What's going on?

M.G.: Fang pissed in Kara's ocean...

Mack: Oh...


Mack: Shit... Not him...

George: Crossover, we found the source of the forest destruction.

Crossover: What?

John: It seems to be a herd of Minkles.

Crossover: Oh, so this is Vera's fault...

Vera: It's Saint's fault for being a pedo!


Angel: Everyone calm down...

Nat: Angel, now is not the time for mind control...

Angel: -mind controls- Yes it is...

Nat: Ha! You have no effect on me!

Angel: I'll give you The Veronica's fax number...

Nat: Let's talk business here...

Rain: You know, next time I see a magical portal to America following a trail of madcap destruction, maybe I should think twice about jumping into it...

Me: Hi, Rain! Welcome to America!

Rain: ...Or, maybe not...SAINT!


Fang: DID NOT!

Kara: DID TOO!

Amanda: What the Hell is going on over here?

Fang: I didn't piss in an ocean!

Kara: He did!

Iggy: Fang's my lover!

Max: He's mine! BURN IN JEB!

Me: Technically, he's mine.

Neytiri: No Jake...

Matt: Eh?

M.G.: Shuddup, you Damn Floridian.

Stevo: -grabs dick-

Bell: Saint's a pedo...

Oggy (Bell's Iggy): Why is it when anyone else breaks into a house, they're a thief, but when Saint breaks in, she's a pedo?

Rain: Good question...

Mack: -avoids Fang-

Beatles: -play random song-

Crossover: What the heck, guys?

Beatles: -shrug-

Nat and Angel: -bargaining-

Amanda: ...

B'Ella: To put it simply, Amanda. We have no clue what we're doing. We never do.

Amanda: Thanks... o_0 Iggy!

Iggy: Amanda!

Fang: Thank God...

Iggy: I'll be back for you, Fangles!

Fang: -facepalm-

Me: I love family reunions...

Matt: Eh?

Me: Eh...

-Saint, Fang, and the Gang.

29. Chapter 29: Last Wills and Testaments

There is just way too much heat

All this humidity has us beat

The Damn Floridian can keep his sun

I'm gonna bake faster than a cinnamon bun.

Me: -panting- Time for...Another update...Of...Of...Oh, forget it. -collapses on bed-

Fang: -pouring water over head- I feel like roasted chicken.

Me: I pity our Subway sandwiches now when we put them in the Toaster...

Fang: o_0 Saint...We have to work tonight...

Me: #^%#.

Fang: We're gonna die.

Me: Maybe I should...Write a will?

Fang: It might be an idea. I will, too. In case of heat stroke.

Me: Yeah, did you guys know that Fang's body burns up water faster than the normal human's? We found out when Fang passed out in Kohl's parking lot.

Fang: You don't need to mention that...

Me: Well, in other news... -gets text message-

Fang: Who's it from?

Me: Amanda...

Fang: What'd she say?

Me: That's it's 95 degrees farenheit out there...

Fang: Like we needed the reminder...

Me: Gah...Well, I was going to share a couple little things with you guys...Ummm...Heat hath fried brain...

Fang: The Zazzle store.

Me: Oh, on this website called Zazzle, I have some stuff for sale. All related to either MR or my fics and such. Feel free to buy some of it of you've got the money (without stealing, of course). At the rate we're going, we may need the money to pay for our funeral after death by over-heating...

Fang: Though we were actually gonna use it to pay for finding a new place to live and college.

Me: Anyway...The other thing...

Fang: I know...


Me: Yes, it's that epic Canadian fanfic author, M.G.'s birthday. Go tell her! (Note: Actually, yesterday was, but when we went to post this chapter, the internet went out, so we had to post it late.)

Fang: Ok, now that we've got that over with... -collapes next to Saint on bed- We can die now, right?

Me: No...Need to write will...

Fang: But who gets what?

Me: Hmmm...

The Last Will and Testament of St. Fang of Boredom

I leave all my worldy possesions, such as my laptop, storage unit crap, and all that jazz to my niece and nephew. They can use it or sell it to start up a college fund.

(I'd leave stuff to Fang, but he's dying to, so...)

I leave the guinea pigs to Amanda, as they're half hers, anyway.

My Gram and Affie can figure out who gets the cat and who gets the dog.

My books may be donated to the library or something.

If Fang miraculously survives, I leave him his freedom. If I can't have him, no one can.

I leave my unfinished fanfics to the Skype Crew. They'll figure out how to end them.

I also leave my OCs to the Skype Crew, besides Pooky, who may return to Andrew or stay if he wishes.


Fang: You'd give me freedom?

Me: -nods- Like I said, if I can't have you, no one can.

Fang: Hmmm...

Me: But if you murder me, that becomes null and void, and you go to live with Vera's Unfurry Minkle.

Fang: Damn...

Me: So,...How about you?

Fang: Well...

The Last Will and Testament of Fang

I leave any worldly possesions to Saint's niece and nephew, as most of my stuff is partially Saint's, anyway.

I leave my mice to Amanda as they are part hers.

I leave my long, random list of illegitamate children to their loyal caregivers, Skittles, Iggy, and Magenta.


Fang: I don't have much to leave...

Me: It'll make probate easier.

Fang: Now what? We wait to die?

Me: Yep...

Fang: ...

Me: ...

Fang: ...

Me: ...

Fang: ...This is boring.

Me: I never thought imminent death could be so monotonous.

Fang: We have to work in, like, an hour...

Me: Oh...I gotta go brush my hair. You come.

Fang: Why?

Me: Cuz we both be needing brushingz!

Fang: ...Why are you typing/talking like that?

Me: I was just reading M.G.'s story, 'Wolf Pack Note Passing: Sugar High Style. They talk like that, so we be talking like dat!

Fang: Or we be goingz to brush your hairs...

Me: Sure...

-leave to brush hair-

-comes back later-

Fang: Well...Wow...

Me: Yeah...That was...Interesting...

Fang: -nods- I think we better just go straight to a flashback.

Me: Agreed.


-in bathroom-

Me: -brushing hair- -humming-

Fang: -looking at bathtub- I so wanna take an ice cold shower right about now...

Me: -nods- Maybe after work tonight...

Fang: -looks around bathroom- Are any of these windows open?

Me: -shakes head- They're all stuck.

Fang: -gets up- -walks over to a window- Well, one is going to be. -begins to tug at the window-

Me: You sure you got it, BirdBrain?

Fang: Yeah... -tugs harder-

Me: -puts down hairbrush- -sighs- I'll help... -walks over and begins to help tug-

Fang: Ok, you pull from the top, I'll push from the bottom.

Me: Got it.

-pushing and pulling on window-

Fang: Pull!

Me: I am!

Fang: Harder!

Me: I'm trying!

Fang: Try harder!

Me: I am, Fang!

Fang: I think it's coming!

Me: Push, Fang!

Fang: I am!

Me: Harder!

Jessica: -walks in- What are you guys doing?

-window suddenly flies open and Saint and Fang fall on top of each other on the floor-

Fang: -panting- Trying to...Open the...Window...

Me: Yeah...Too hot...

Jessica: Well, you guys, uhh...Got it open.

Fang: Yep...

Jessica: You guys wanna, uhh...Get a drink downstairs?

Both: -nod-


Me: -finds strawberries in fridge- Nom nom...

Fang: -pulls out a jar of something- What's this?

Jessica: Iced tea.

Fang: Sounds good. -pours glass- -drinks- -makes face- This is another one of those 'Healthy, No Sugar Added' things, huh?

Jessica: Yep.

Fang: -adds sugar-

Coqui: -runs in- -is covered in mud-

(Note: Coqui is Rachel's, the other girl who we live with, dog. Name pronounced 'Ko-kee'.)

Jessica: Oh, Coqui! You gotta go back outside, dude.

Coqui: -whines-

Fang: Come on, Dude. -takes Coqui's collar and leads him to door-

Skye: -follows Fang-

Fang: You wanna come, too? Alright, we'll all escape this Female Monarchy.

Me: -eyeroll-

Fang: -goes outside with dogs-

Jessica: He's pretty good with animals, huh?

Me: -makes flapping motions- It's the wings.

Jessica: -laughs- It must be so weird going through life with wings!

Me: -shrugs- It's his life, he's used to it.

Fang: -walks in soaking wet and muddy with two wet and muddy dogs-

Me: I, unfortunately, haven't gotten used to his weird ways...FANG!


Me: So, Fang got his shower.

Fang: :D

Me: And now it's time for us to go to work! Bye again!

Fang: Bye for now...

-goes to work-

-comes back-

Fang: We gotta stop writing these chapters in random 'come and go' sections.

Me: -shrugs- Hey, we have busy lives.

Fang: So busy... We need better jobs.

Me: Better than this one where, when it's hot, everyone decides it's too hot to cook, so they flock to Subway.

Fang: Don't they ever stop to think that it's too hot to cook at Subway, too? I mean, who the Hell gets a toasted meatball sub on a day like today?

Me: -cracks up-

Fang: What?

Me: Meaty balls...

Fang: Matt has ruined your mind.

Me: -bursts out laughing-

Fang: -headdesk-

Me: -laughing subsides- So...

Fang: So...

Me: I was thinking...

Fang: I hate it when you think...

Me: It might be fun to do another Q&A...

Fang: Again?

Me: Only this time, a challenge...

Fang: Oh?

Me: Since this is a poetry corner...ALL QUESTIONS MUST RHYME!

Fang: This could be interesting...

Me: So, here's the challenge. You can ask as many questions as you like, but they MUST somehow rhyme!

Fang: Errr...Example?

Me: Well...

I live in a little brown hut

and would like to know Saint's favorite color is what?

Fang: This could be interesting...

Me: Very...Why do you think I'm doing it?

And if your rhyming sucks, don't worry about it. It's not a contest.

Fang: And, to be fair, since not all poems rhyme, if you can come up with a Haiku or something, we'll probably take it.

Also feel free to explain your question or whatever if your poem makes it more confusing than it actually is...If that makes any sense.

Me: So, I think we can post now!

Fang: Awesome.

-Saint and Fang





Me: No, we can't. The internet's down.

Fang: #^#%#.

(P.S. The Wills were supposed to be centered, but FF decided it hated me, so... -flips FF the finger-)

30. Chapter 30: Rambling Rhymes Q&A

Me: I suppose we have to do that little poetry Q&A thingy I created now, huh?

Fang: It was your idea.

Me: Ok...Hey, are all the questions in the reviews? No one sent me poems in PMs, did they? I can't remember...

Fang: Check.

Me:...I don't see any. Heck, if I miss someone, I'm sure they'll let me know, and I'll just answer in a later chapter.

Fang: So, who's up first?

Me: Heh heh...Vera.

Fang: Dear God.

Vera Amber:

So I heard your favorite color's sky blue

Well, what's your favorite thing to do?

(Me: Uhhh...Write? Yeah write. And read.

Fang: Reading's good.)

Other than writing and reading of course

(Me: Damn you! Ok, uhhh...Surfing the net...Cooking...

Fang: Surfing the net and eating.

Me: And talking to the Skype Crew!)

And, um, other than...watching Fang...feel...remorse...?

(Me: Mwahahahaha...

Fang: -facepalm-)

Who's your favorite character in Maximum Ride?

I've always wondered, and when you tell me, you better not have lied.

(Me: I believe this is a duh. -points to Fang-)

Do you prefer waffles or pancakes?

(Me: Pancakes.

Fang: Both.)

And, um, do you prefer oceans, rivers, or lakes?

(Me: Oceans all the way! I love the ocean! It's so beautiful!

Fang: She's obsessed. She's one of those people who can stand there and stare at the ocean for hours.)

What color are your eyes?

(Me: That's an ongoing debate. My mom always said they were blue. I say they're blue sometimes and green others. I prefer them to be blue, though.

Fang: I think they have a green tint right now...

Me: Damn.)

What're your favorite types of pies?

(Me: Strawberry Rhubarb, Lemon Meringue, and Pumpkin.

Fang: The edible kinds.)

Which mythology do you prefer, Roman or Norse?

(Me: Greek, actually, though I do like Norse.)

Or do you prefer one where they worship a horse?

(Me: Epona?

Fang: According to Amanda...)

Did you know the next book comes out March 14th, 2011?

(Me: I do now...

Fang: Why so long, damn it?)

It'll be called Angel, book number seven!

Are my questions weird and random?

(Me: As always. :D)

Does my rhyming suck?

(Fang: Nah.)

Other than MR, what's your favorite fandom?

(Me: Harry Potter's a good one. LOTR. Twilight. Oh, ever read the Stephanie Plum series? I haven't even finished reading it yet and I already have a fic idea...We shall see...)

And what's your favorite type of duck?

(Me: The ones that live outside our house in the pond, whatever they are...)

Are your answers going to rhyme?

(Me: Obviously, they are not.

Fang: We thought about it, but were to lazy.

Me: So, this is all we've got.

Fang: It is late and our thoughts are hazy.)

They better, or I'll attack you with thyme!

(Me: Well, one rhymed.

Fang: Hey, we have thyme!

Me: We shall be thymed.

Fang: If we don't rhyme.)

So I guess this is the last Q.

(Fang: Q?

Me: -facepalm-)

When was the last time you went "moo"?

(Me: Just now. I mooed for you!

Fang: ...That was random...)

Me: Ok, next set of rhymes are from...randombookworm!

Fang: Hit me with 'em.

Me: -hits Fang with computer-

Fang: That's not what I meant!


Saint technically works in a kitchen, so how did she get started writing fanfiction?

Me: Ok, so I've wanted to write fanfiction since I discovered Harry Potter FF on a hospital computer when I was around 12 years old. I tried writing a couple fics back then, but nothing really came out well.

Then, in High School, I really started to get into writing. I started writing 'The Chronicles of The Hobbit Named Spiffy' in my English 11 journal for fun, and the next year, my senior year, Amanda and I were walking my dog and discussing the Maximum Ride manga, which gave me this random thought: Hey, what would happen if the Flock showed up at an anime convention? The next day, I started writing it during my Study Hall and BAM! St. Fang of Boredom had her first FF.

Fang probably doesn't like pearls, but who is his favorite FANGirl?

Fang: Errrr...See, I don't really know any who aren't the freaky, stalkerish types that well...

Me: -glares- -holds up herring-

Fang: Heh, Saint. Yeah, of course...Please don't hurt me...

Saint is very insane, what is her favorite game?

Me: I love Chess, Stratego, Hockey, Capture the Flag, Scategories, Charades, Solitaire, Duck Duck Goose, and Find Fang's Ticklish Spot.

Fang: Random assortment much? And I hate the last one...

Me: I know...-tickles under wing-


Fang is feeling better, what is his favorite letter?

Me: We know it's not 'Q'...

Fang: -glares- I like 'F'.

Me: I wonder why...

Fang: You need it to spell 'Fang', 'Fire', and 'Fu-'

Me: -covers Fang's mouth- We get it...

Me: Ok, next questions?

Fang: ...Captain Terror?

Me: You don't think...

Fang: Let's see...

Captain Terror:

Saint, you're great!

I ate a plate!

Will I constipate?


Fang: Gazzy, stop eating plates!

Me: -lol-

Me: Our next poet is...

Fang: Kali Rose!

Kali Rose:

On XBOX or tabletop or even on PC,

Kali'd like to know what Saint's favorite game would be.

Fang: I think we did this one.

Me: Well, I thought of something to add.

Fang: What?

Me: I also love Rockband and Smash Brothers Melee for the Wii.

Ok, I love the Wii in general.

And I want to play Lego Harry Potter.

And I still like playing Pokemon on my Gameboy once in a while.

Fang: She still hasn't beaten some of her games.

Me: Oh, shut up.

Me: I have a bug bite...

Fang: Saint, everyone around here does.

Me: Distract me with our next poet...

Fang: Alright...EdwardHydesGal101 is up!


I've got one

We know Saint's a dame.

But what is her real name?

HAHA! You have to answer it! :D

Me: Who says I have to answer it? It doesn't say anywhere that I have to answer it.

Fang: And if it did?

Me: I still wouldn't answer. You can all wait 'till I publish a book.

Fang: Then you better get writing.

Me: Up next is another long poem by...TARDIS Queen!

Fang: Not again...


1. Who else knows

about Fang's wings?

Do people stare?

Or chuck rocks and things?

(Me: Besides myself, Amanda, Gram, Affie, the people we live with, and Mom knew about Fang's wings, though they all may know different stories of how they got there and how he got here. We've had staring, but no rock-chucking yet.)

2. How do you and Fangles cope

working at Subway?

Are you both in need

of a long, paid holiday?

(Fang: Paid holiday...In our dreams...

Me: I wish...

Fang: And we cope with Fanfiction, Skype, and origami Subway paper bunnies.

Me: Long story...Oh, and when we made Subby the Subway Bread Monster.)

3. Do the Flock mind that Fang is missing?

Do they even know?

Are they having a party,

without Mr Emo?

(Fang: I'd know if they'd COME FIND ME ALREADY!

Me: I'm sensing hostility...)

4. Do you love Scouting For Girls?

My dear SFG?

Have you heard their new album,

Everybody Wants To Be On TV?

(Me: I haven't heard anything by them yet, but will take the time to look them up.

Fang: Ditto.)

Okay, that was more than a couple. It was a few.

I'm particularly interested,

in 1, 4 and 3

I really want to know

if you like SFG!

Me: These rhymes are something else.

Fang: Pretty cool.

Me: So...Who's next?

Fang: bookworminpeace left us a rhyme, at least.

Me: Hey, that rhymed!


i sing Lol now;

for this fanfic makes me want to frown;

(couldn't find something to rhyme with now... drat)

but Q&A time has come around;

so i ask... can we do this upside down?

now that was not my Question see;

but i stick at rhyming...lee?

so the Question!

so much Emotion?

... drat no Question here;





A: -.- i know

Me: Hey, at least it all rhymed! Yay!

Fang: But on to the next reviewer...

Me: LittleSpark is next!

Fang: With a not-so-little review!


I dunno if this is news

But I was wondering if you read all reviews?

Me: Yes, I do actually. I check my e-mails every day for review alerts, then go on FF and read them. I love reviews, they make my day. Plus, I feel if someone took the time to write me a review, I can take the time to read it.

Would Max and the Flock feel quite faint

if she notices that Fang is with Saint?

Fang: What do you mean by 'with'? If you mean 'stuck in the same house with by force' they would probably be upset. If you mean 'dating', that's not even happening, so not a problem.

Me: Whatever you say, Fangles dear...

Fang: Shut up!

How did you get Fang from the Flock

without making Max's anger bomb ticked off? (SLANT RHYME)

Me: The magic of fanfiction, my dear. Magic.

Fang: And you getting into a pissed-off mood. And some pure accident thrown in.

Me: I think there's enough to this story to write a fic...So I'll save it for when I have the time to write it.

Me: We're on a roll with this question-answering!

Fang: Yeah, and it's almost 2 in the morning!

Me: And my arm hurts from typing!

Fang: So does mine!

Me: ...We should probably finish this tomorrow. My arm is seriously cramping. I've been doing a lot of writing lately, after all.

Fang: Ok...Tomorrow then.

Me: Tomorrow...

Fang: Wrong! Today! It's already Monday!

Me: True...So, later today?

Fang: Later today.

-time lapse-

Me: And we're back at 11:51 in the morning!

Fang: And we're only here for a short time.

Me: We have to go shopping for some ingredients for food I'm planning on making.

Fang: Also, today is the beginning of Cow Spirit Week!

Me: Every year, the farm has a Spirit Week in the summer where each day has a new theme.

Fang: Today is Cow Appreciation Day. You pick your favorite cow and give her something.

Me: I picked Celeste and I'm writing her a poem. I'm also thinking of buying her something else and making a video of her.

Fang: You write that poem yet?

Me: How's this sound?

There is no other cow like Celeste

Her name just screams that she's the best

She's chocolate brown, her udders black

In milk production she does not lack

She has what should be an angel's name

She's a bit friendly and mostly tame

Fuzzy and brown, cute as can be

She's the number 1 cow I want to see!

Fang: Nice...

Me: So, what about you?

Fang: What about me?

Me: What cow are you picking and what are you giving her? Hmmm?

Fang: ...

Me: You have got to participate!

Fang: I think I'll pick Amber.

Me: And what are you giving Amber?

Fang: A new nametag.

Me: -eyeroll- You mean another nametag for her to pull down?

Fang: She seems to like ripping them down. I lik her. Destructive.

Me: -headdesk- Ok, how about we get back to the Q&A?

Fang: Fine, who's next?

Me: Armygirl0604! And friends, obviously...


Since it is such a hot day,

I'll turn this questioning Iggy's way. (He has retuuuuurned!)


Oh, Fang, what a couple we could be.

So I must ask

Do you love me?

(Fang: No, not that way, at least.)

Eh...sorry about him. I caught him making out with Derbear earlier. (Derek.) Awkward...

(Fang: Doesn't surprise me...)

Leon's turn:

Saint, this girl talks about you all throught the day -pauses for a "d**m heros rant-

So, we shall ask, was that you we saw at subway?

Backstory: We go to the Subway by Lowes pretty often (using that as a key in case it WAS you and as a code if it WASN'T.)

Pretty often, I've been talking about "Saint Fang of Boredom did this" or "Saint said that." And every time I say "Saint" "Fang" or "Fanfiction" or something like that, this chick looks up. Just wonderin. If it was~no making fun of my sammich!

(Me: I'm sorry to say, it wasn't me. If it was, you would've known. Trust me.

Fang: If someone started talking about 'St. Fang of Boredom' at our Subway, Saint'd probably faint or something.

Me: No! Go into shock, maybe. Either that, or I'd have to mess with the person. :D

Fang: You should autograph their sandwich wrapper.

Me: Ooo...I should. And no, I wouldn't make fun of your sandwich. I'm sure I've seen weirder.

Fang: Like the guy who got the Cold Cut Combo, then put teriyaki chicken and roast beef on it, a load of cheese and veggies, toasted it, then put, like, 4 different sauces on it.

Me: He bought four of those and paid all in 1 dollar bills. Coulda murdered the guy.)


If you're like us, you can't be beat,

But how is Christian taking the heat?


(Me: He's doing well. Wight my wittle Chwistian-Wistian?

Christian: -makes giggling noises-

Fang: -facepalm- Never speak like that again...)


I like ice cream with lots of sprinkles

Do you have your very own Minkles?

Chels can't rhyme well.

(Chels: Hey!)

(Me: I have a pet minkle! He is blue and named Giovanni!

Fang: She also has a guinea pig named Minkle.

Me: And I have one named Wonton as well! Yes, Matthias, if you're reading this, I got to keep Wonton!)


I'm sorry about what Iggy said

After that did Fang hide under the bed?


(Fang: Nope, I'm not that paranoid...

Me: Yet...)


We're running out of questions here,

But do what is your favorite song, my dear?

Yeah...he's gotten into this whole "formal" thing after reading my script for my indi film.

(Me: That would require me to pick one song, which is impossible. I have many favorites, and they change.

Fang: She's always up for Jimmy Buffett music, though.)


I hope your couplets don't follow suit (and suck)

But what is your favorite fruit?

(Me: Banana.

Fang: The edible kinds...)

I'm being a spaz...

From all of us (and los-I mean EM)

Compared to you, everyone's a zero

Did you know you are a hero?

(Me: I do now...Do I get a cape?

Fang: -facepalm- No...)


And now, please excuse me while I go outside.

How I wish I could catch a ride!

Me: That was...Informative...

Fang: Next questioner!

Me: Dear Lord...

Fang: What?

Me: 7 letters. tgypwya.

Fang: Heh...Matt has 7 letters in his username...

Me: Ah, irony...

Matthias (tgypwya):

Me: Saint, I think you should be glad

That at songwriting, I'm not that bad

So I'm gonna try to keep this both in rhythm and in rhyme

Which soda type is better: root beer, coke, or lemon-lime?

(Me: Hmmm...Lemon-Lime...

Fang: Root beer.)

Max: Honestly? Can't we just ask questions normally?

Me: No, Max, c'mon, what's going through your mutant head?

Those wimpy Northerners think that soon they will be dead

I'd taunt them about that, as to me 9-5 is awesomene

But I'd rather make their last hours on earth funny instead.

Max: Uh, "awesomene" doesn't rhyme with "instead..."

Me: So what if I change the rhyme scheme now and then?

Saint, you don't mind at all, am I right?

(Me: Really, what would you do if I said I did mind? I'm answering the questions anyway! But no, I don't.)

Now, what would you do if a crazy rabid hen

Tried to bite Fang's dick off in the middle of the night?

(Me: I'd be having fried chicken...

Fang: She means she'd attempt to electrocute it by sticking its beak in one of our crappy light sockets.

Me: I could stick it with my knife that's next to my bed, too.)

Max: -facepalm- You're gonna say one thing, and then make stuff up to match, aren't you?

Me: I'm kinda in a rapping mood, blame the Paper Tongues

Their song "Ride to California" is amazing

Now, Fang, would you ever wanna move to California

If you had to deal with brutal freshman hazing?

(Fang: I don't want to move their, anyway. A little too close to Death Valley...)

Saint, do you still want to live right across the street?

This 95 degrees is only heat.

Try 98 or so for three months in a row

But I'd rather have this heat than freezing snow

(Me: Oh, sure, I'd just love a place of my own in general. I, for one, though, might miss my snow a bit. Snow has good points.

Fang: So does heat, as long as you have air conditioning.

Me: I wish...)

Would you ever in your life try to eat some poisoned chocolate,

or would you rather gobble down the heart-shaped box in which it came?

(Me: Well, I think the box would probably be less likely to kill me...)

How would you react if a some OMG FANGIRL!

Said you give the MR books a bad name?

(Me: Like this. -laughs hysterically-)

If Spiffy, Pooky, and the OC gang

Invited Playboy Bunnies to a gangbang

And you walked in on Spiffy whipping our his schwang

What would you do?

(Me: Walk right back out again and go find the brain bleach.

Fang: Die.)

If the Maxs, minkles, Iggys, and Neytiri

Tried to sell you Fromo and old Leary

As well as Stevo and the dick he loves so dearly

What would you do?

(Me: How much they selling for?

Fang: NO!)

Max: Dear Lord...

Me: So now a shower I must take

And then the barber I must see

I hope you don't mind a lot

If I give control to Max and 'Tiri

(Me: Once again, if I minded, what would you do, anyway?)

Max: Oh joy...

Neytiri: Sehnt thinks I am "awesome," right?

So I would like to ask her why.

And without tsaheylu, who would you ride

A pa'li without learning to fly?

(Me: You're awesomene. You kick ass!

Fang: I'm not sure if that's an answer.

Me: I can't describe the epicness.

Fang: -facepalm-

Me: And I guess I'd have to use my magical fanfiction powers to make some sort of telepathic connection with the pa'li, gaining its trust and, therefore, getting it to allow me to fly with it.

Fang: ...Ok...)

Max: Saint probably doesn't get that...

Neytiri: ...

Max: ...

Neytiri: ...

Max: ...

***3 Hours Later***

(Me: Look, Fang ! Another time lapse!

Fang: Nice...What were Max and Neytiri doing for 3 hours?

Me: Good question...)

Neytiri: We're not very creative.

Max: You can say that again.

Neytiri: We're not ve-

Me: -slams door- -collapses on couch-

(Me: Hope he checked to make sure no one was there first. People have a tendency to...Do things on his couch.)

Max: Hey, look who's back from the WHOA.

(Fang: The WHOA? Never been there...

Me: Smart ass.)

Neytiri: ...Who attacked Matt?

Max: I dunno, but their weapon of choice was scissors... What happened? The barber hate you?


Me: -sigh- -looks in mirror- She took about four inches off. Four inches more than I wanted.

(Fang: At least it wasn't 7.)

Max: And how. Goddamn. That is a sucky haircut.

Me: -nods- At least its looks kinda cool, it's the right style... -shakes head to get rid of mini-hair-clipping-things- -looks in mirror- ...YOU'RE F$%#ING KIDDING ME!

(Me: -stuffs bar of soap in Matt's mouth- Watch your fucking language!

Fang: -facepalm-

Me: I can't fucking stand it when fucking people use that fucking word! It's fucking irritating!

Fang: ...Yeah...)

Max: ...And the style is gone. Now it's just a crappy haircut.

Neytiri: Maybe next time you should try braids.

(Me: -cracks up at mental image-)

Me: Haha. Did you guys get anything good?

Max: Not really... Well, now that you're back, we can...

Me: Yeah, like I'm in the mood to be funny. -sighs- -looks at clock- Oh, joy, and in under an hour, I'm altar serving at my sister's confirmation. At least some of the people in the congregation won't know me...

(Me: I wanna go!

Fang: It's already happened...

Me: To the DeLorean!

Fang: Hell no...


Fang: That was random...)

Max: ...You do realize you're probably bringing Saint and Fang down right now?

(Fang: Not really, as you see here. We were pretty unhappy for you when we first read the review, but that was a while ago, and now we're just on a high.)

Me: Anything to distract them from the heat. -sighs- Yeah, I give up.

Neytiri: Give what to up?

Me: -facepalm-

Me: I need to work on the Homecoming Chapter...

Fang: Let's get done with this first. You can work on it after the epic update...

Me: Yes...Ok, ignore the epic update for now, it will be explained later. Now, next questioner!

Fang: That would be...PandoraNightRide!


Although I think I hav homework to do,

I hav to wonder, what music do u listen to?

Me: I listen to a lot of music. My ipod is the most random mixture...

Fang: -grabs Saint's ipod- How about I list everything on it off? We get this question often enough, after all.

Me: Good luck... -walks off to get cookie-

Fang: Ok...


The Academy Is...

Adam Lambert


Alanis Morisette

The All-American Rejects

Amy Dalley

Annie Lennox

Avenue Q

Avril Lavigne

Aya Hirano, Yuko Goto, and Minori Chihara

Bare Naked Ladies

Barry Manilow

Beach Boys

The Beatles

Big & Rich

Bill Engvall

Billy Joel

Black Eyed Peas

Blink 182

Bo Bice

Bon Jovi

Bowling For Soup

Boys Like Girls

Brad Paisley

Britney Spears

Carrie Underwood


Carter Twins

Charlie Daniels Band

Charlotte Church

Christina Aguilera

'Christmas Songs'


Cobra Starship

Counting Crows

Crazy Frog

D.J. Casper

Dane Cook

Danger Radio

David Lee Murphy

Dierks Bentley

'Digimon Theme Songs'

Don McLean

Eddie Murphy and Antonio Banderas (Livin' la Vida Loca from Shrek 2)

Edward Cullen (Bella's Lullaby)

Emerson Drive

Enrique Iglesias


Faith Hill

Fall Out Boy


Flo Rida


Fountains of Wayne

The Fray

Freecreditreport . com commercials


Golden Girls Theme Song

Good Charlotte


Green Day

Gretchen Wilson

Hank Williams jr,


Harvey Danger

Jack Sparrow (Jar of Dirt song)

Jason Aldean

Jason Gochin

Jason Mraz

Jay Sean

Jean Paul Samputu

Jimi Hendrix

Jimmy Buffett

John Denver

John Mayer

John Rich

Johnny Cash

Jonas Brothers

Jordin Sparks

Josh Gracin

Josh Groban

Josh Turner

Justin Timberlake

Kanye West

Katy Perry

Keith Urban

Kellie Pickler

Kenny Chesney

Kid Rock

KT Tunstall

Lady Antebellum

Lady GaGa

Lemon Demon


Liam Lynch

Lindsey Haun

Linkin Park

Lipps Inc.

The Lonely Island


Lord of the Rings Soundtrack

Love Spit Love

Lucky Star Theme

Lynard Skynard

Maroon 5

Matchbox Twenty

MC Hammer



Miley Cyrus

Mindy Smith

Miranda Lambert

Mulan Soundtrack

'Multiple Artists' (I have no idea,,,)

My Chemical Romance

Natasha Bedingfield



Ok Go


PANIC! At the Disco


Parry Grip

Phil Collins

Phil Vassar


Plain White T's

Potter Puppet Pals (The Mysterious Ticking Noise)

Practical Magic


Randy Travis

Rascal Flatts

The Red Jump Suit Apparatus

Relient K


Ricky Martin


S Club 7

Sailor Moon

Sara Bareillas

Sara Evans

Saving Jane

Sawyer Brown


Shania Twain

Simple Plan

Smash Mouth

'Sound Effects'


Spice Girls

Steve Wariner

Stevie Wonder

Story of the Year

Stray Cats


The Summer Obsession


Taylor Swift

The Temptations

Three Days Grace

Three Dog Night

Three Doors Down

Tim McGraw

Toby Keith

Tommy Tutone

Toy Box

Trace Adkins


Twisted Sister

Uncle Cracker


Vanessa Carlton

Venga Boys

Village People

Warren Zevon


Weird Al Yankovic

West Side Story Soundtrack

The Who

Wicked Soundtrack

Zac Brown Band

Zac Efron and Vanessa Anne Hudgens


Damn, that took forever.

Me: -comes back- White chip macadamia or oatmeal?

Fang: White chip.

Me: -hands cookie- So, have fun with my ipod?

Fang: You have a shitload of artists and such.

Me: At least you didn't try to list all the songs...

Fang: Ok...Questions. Jonas Brothers? Miley Cyrus? Zac Efron?

Me: I went through a phase, '7 Things' reminds me of Amanda's stupid ex, and we had to sing 'Breaking Free' in my Sophmore year in choir, so I put it on my ipod.

Fang: Ok.

Me: Finally, another poetic questioner!

Fang: Please welcome...Charlie Ride!

Charlie Ride:

If Fang likes to take cold showers, does he also like pretty pink flowers? I mean, flowers are nice when you're sick in bed, but Saint, do you like the colour red? If yes, you should suck your thumb but tell me, Saint, would that make you feel dumb? To conclude this poem I have one more to say: Would you, Saint and Fang, have, perchance, ever worn a toupee?

Fang: No, I don't like pretty pink flowers. Sorry.

Me: The color red is ok, but I prefer blue. And I probably would feel dumb...

Fang: Never worn a toupee.

Me: Ditto.

Fang: Kudos on the rhyming!

Fang: So, who's next?

Me: Tears Of A Wolf!

Tears Of A Wolf:

do you know how

to kiss a cow?

cause i sure don't

Me: Well, you find a cow, pucker up, and...

Fang: I think you get it.

Me: But make sure the cow isn't one of those jumpy cows that shakes its head a lot, or you'll end up with a broken face.

Fang: Why do I get the feeling she has cow-kissing experience?

Fang: What are you doing?

Me: I got a song stuck in my head, so I'm YouTubing it.

Fang: I Got a Feeling?

Me: No, that's not it...Those are the lyrics to the song in my head, but it's not The Black Eyed Peas...

Fang: Google it.


Fang: A country song...

Me: Hey, when you grow up listening to country music, you either learn to love it or hate it. I, personally, went with the flow and learned to love it.

Fang: Along with every other genre under the sun. -points up-

Me: -shrugs- Ooo! Found the video! -watches vid-

Fang: I'll just get the next poem by Shay Is A Beast up...

Shay Is A Beast:

saint, have you ever

braved the weather

of a hundred and twenty degrees?

i know i have

and when summer does pass

the heat brings me to my knees

becasue some idiot p.e. teacher

thought it would be ok

to shepard us away from the bleachers

and make us run all day!

(Me: I have yet to brave weather of 120 degrees, though I know I've come probably to about 110 working in the barn with Amanda in the summer. I salute you for your bravery.)

and while i know this is fun to be making

saint, fang, i must know: do you like bacon?

(Me: I like bacon on sandwiches.

Fang: I like food in general...)

Me: My video isn't loading fast enough...

Fang: Then answer the next question from Emo-Nerdy-Insane-Writer in the meantime...


What embarrassing

have you endured recently?

Do you like haikus?

Most exciting thing

to ever happen was what?

[Insert third line here]

What's your

book about?


Fang: I'm always enduring embarrassment.

Me: And I can't think of anything embarrassing that happened to me recently...

Fang: Haikus are cool.

Me: Agreed. As long as Apollo isn't writing them...

Fang: Saint, your book?

Me: Which one? I'm technically working on three novels and two children's books.

Fang: Ok, describe the three.

Me: I've got one about werewolves, one about a kid going to a private school (it's basically a parody of life in my hometown), then I've got a story that involves inter-dimensional travel and the protectors of the universe.

I've also got a children's story about a Platypus named David and a story my mom wrote about two raccoons that I'm working on turning into a children's book.

Fang: And I like pasta.

Me: Video still not loaded enough...

Fang: Well, Kina Kalamari wrote a poem...

Me: Oooo...

Kina Kalamari:

It's flippin' hot where I am too

But then, that's the same general area as you

(Me: Oh, really?)

My poetry writing tends to suck

So pardon random

(Fang: I like ducks.)

Questions aren't my strong point

I can't think on the spot

I'm sure I'll come up with something

After I give it some thought



My only question is this one:

Do you think platypus' lives are fun?

(Me: No, they're very sad because ducks, otters, and beavers make fun of them, but then cows let them into their Bible Study and they make rabbit's grandparents laugh, and they live happily ever after.

Fang: WTF?)

Me: Can I just say something?

Fang: What?

Me: To every reviewer who keeps telling me that it's not that hot where I am...


Just wait 'till winter rolls around and some of you are complaining that 60 degrees is cold! (-cough-Matthias-cough). Then who will the wimp be?

Fang: Maybe we should answer the next question...

Me: Poetic Inquisitor: Shelbs13!


My face is a color like puce

What is St. Fang's favorite kind of juice?

Me: Hmmm...Cranberry-Apple is very good...So is fruit punch...

Me: My video loaded!

Fang: Oh, great...Stupid country love song...

Me: -singing- I got a feelin', my heads a reelin', my heart is screaming, I'm about to bust loose...

Fang: I'm gonna scream...

Me: -forces Fang to dance with me-

Fang: Get off!

Me: -spins him in circles-

Fang: -picks me up off floor- Ha! I win!

Spiffy: Aww...How cute!

Pooky: -sighs- Young love...

Fang: HEY! There's no love here!

Me: -mutters- Speak for yourself...

Fang: Oh, shut up. You can't love me. That complicates everything. I'm with Max, remember.

Me: And if Max leaves you for Dylan?

Fang: She won't do that.

Me: You've been gone for almost two years and you've been age-progressed to 19. Not to mention you've been living with another woman for all that time.

Fang: ...Shut up.

Me: On one condition.

Fang: What?

Me: Put me down.

Fang: Oh. -puts me down-

Me: Moving to our next poem from CrazyNerdyFangirl!


It's that hot here. I live in Texas. This question is really random, but whatever.

I like kangaroos

Do you like Winnie the Pooh?

Wow, I come up with the STRANGEST things when I'm trying to write poetry.

Me: I have no idea if that counts as a poem or not, but I'm counting it. Yes, I like Winnie the Pooh. TIGGER IS EPIC!

Fang: I always kinda liked Eeyore.

Me: Emo.


Me: Well, just had to pwn someone on YouTube for saying most girls are retarded. Now, I'm looking up a new video!

Fang: Wonderful...

Me: 'Girls Lie Too'. Funny vid, good song.

Fang: Yeah...Whatever. Next poem from...IamCastiel!


I really like this rhyming game.

So, what is Saint's real name?

If you don't tell me, Fang will.

Or I'll torture him with krill...

Make him eat it and all that,

So he'll throw up on the Welcome mat.

Me: You people have really gotta give up on this question, or I shall...I don't know, tie you in knots.

Fang: Bind you all to the underside of a ship.

Me: Loop you around the electric fence a couple of times.

Fang: Well...Probably not really.

Me: But we're still not telling you.

Fang: So give up.

Fang: So...Your video loaded?

Me: Not yet...

Fang: So, we've got time. Next poem!

Me: This one's from...Flight at Midnight!

Flight at Midnight:

I have several questions, but don't pout,

Or I may have to hit you with this trout.

First names are just a guessing game,

But tell me, what is your middle name?

(Me: Again with my damn name!

Fang: Saint gave me the middle name, Michael, if you care to hear.

Me: I thought 'Fang Michael Ride' flowed when I yelled it at him.

Fang: -sigh-

Me: But my middle name is of no great importance. Really.

Fang: Basically, if she reveals it, people will probably start calling her 'Saint -insert name here-' and she'll go on a murderous rampage.

Me: -nods-)

And if roses are red and violets are blue,

Fang, what sports team is a favorite by you?

(Fang: Well...

Me: -glares-

Fang: I, uhh...

Me: -growls-

Fang: I think if I say anything besides 'Red Sox', I will die...)

Saint, answer this before I vituperate –

What is your favorite fanfic to date?

For that question, here is a note:

This means one that you yourself wrote.

(Me: But...I love them all!

Fang: Just pick one...

Me: Well, I love MangaFlock, my first story. Avian Flu makes me laugh...

Fang: One!

Me: I can't!

Fang: -sigh- Ok, anything else to say, then?

Me: I love them all for their uniqueness!

Fang: They're like her children...)

Finally, my favorite Fang-ums,

What would you with your mittens if you didn't have thumbs?

(Fang: Cut the thumb parts out and have Saint's Gram sew the holes in.)

Sorry for my dreadful rhymes,

I must really work on that at better times.

Now, to put this to bed…

Wait, that's what she said!

Me: Well, that was fun...

Fang: It'd be more fun if you weren't watching stupid YouTube videos at the same time...

Me: Ok, I closed YouTube! So, who's next?

Fang: Lexi!


Bird wings in disguise come here to tell all your lies,

Which author would Justin go to if Fang dies?

Me: Well, if Fang died, he'd go to me, obviously.

But if we were both dead, errr... Probably Skits, since she babysits him all the time.

Me: So, we've been working on this chapter off-and-on all day, and it is now 12:15 a.m.

Fang: But we have to get this chapter done tonight, since we're busy tomorrow!

Me: Even though our arms hurt from typing!

Fang: So...Forging onward...A poem from stinkemrpink...


fang do you like beef?

(Fang: Yes, I like the majority of edible things...)

do you wear boxers or briefs?

(Fang: -sigh- Boxers, mostly...)

saint, does embry slumber?

(Me: I suppose...)

can he give me seth Clearwater's number?

(Me: I'll make note to ask him...)

fang, does Dylan look like a who?

(Fang: -laughs hysterically at mental picture-)

fang, if you saw Dylan, what would you do?

(Fang: -begins muttering about death-)

does iggy whirl and twirl?

(Me: Depends on which Iggy...)

would he go out with a fangirl

(Me: Again, which Iggy?)

Me: I love answering questions, but...My arm...

Fang: I know...Almost there...

Me: Next up...Hannah Brandon 1234321!

Hannah Brandon 1234321:

I am so so excited for new Poetry,

And would like to know: What's it like, sleeping in a tree?

(Fang: Cold, windy, hard, and...Unbalanced. Oddy comfortable, though, if you find a good tree.)

I am girl who knows her stuff, and would really like to know,

If you guys were on your perfect Vacation, where would you go?

(Me: ...Florida will be an epic vacation...But the perfect one?

Fang; Round-trip.

Me: All over the world.

Fang: Visit all the Skype Crew.

Me: And visit all the great coutries and cities...London...

Fang: Greece...

Me: Paris...

Fang: Papau New Guinea...

Me: Tokyo...

Fang: Sydney...

Me: Trinidad...

Fang: Egypt...

Me: I think we just planned our honeymoon!

Fang: NO!)

That's enough with the rhyming thing,

If I kept it up, we'd be here till Spring,

And think of the problems that would bring!

Think of the number of times your phone would ring!

Fang: No honeymoon.

Me: Screw you! We're going on a honeymoon!

Fang: No thank you and no.

Me: Smart ass.

Fang: Next poem...Phoinex Warrior!

Phoinex Warrior:

This isn't a question just something i thought you'd appreciate:

There once was an author named Saint

whose antics were anything but quaint

she was crazy and funny

and at subway made money

and really made Fang want to faint!

Me: That was a nice poem!

Fang: And a nice break! We didn't have to answer anything!

Me: So, next up... Kitskune Miyake!

Kitskune Miyake:

I know several plans in your brain take shape

So, how many times and ways have you tried to escape?

List every failing plan you've tried

All embarrassments with us you can confide.

Fang: ...All of them?


Fang: -cracks up- Edwart Mullen...

Me: Oh, just type. -massages arm-

Fang: Well...I can't count them all. There's too many... I suppose I can try to remember some of them...

There was the 'Paper airplane with a note' attempt.

The 'fly away' attempt.

The 'drug Saint' attempt.

The 'car-jacking' attempt.

The 'catapult' attempt.

The 'escape during school' attempts.

The 'use magic' attempts.

Paying off the OCs to get me out...

Hiding in the neighbor's cars...

Trying to get lost in Wal-Mart...

When I made a run for the airport...

Playing dead...

Faking amnesia.

Tried to escape on cow-back...

Tried to get someone to buy me at the pet store...

Told people Saint was abusing me.

Attempted to get arrested.

Tried to get people to adopt me.

Threatened suicide.

Threatened murder.

Threatened to sign Saint up for the Columbian Record Club.

Called everyone in the phonebook and asked them to save me.

Called 911.

Hid. In many places.

Taped my face to milk cartons at the store with the caption 'kidnapped' at the bottom.

Tried to join the army.

Tried to become an overseas missionary.

Jumped up and down on a Maximum Ride book, hoping I'd fall back into it.

That's all I can think of right now...

Me: -sighs- That was a fun first week you were with me...

Fang: Only 5 more questioners!

Me: We can do this!

Fang: We will survive!

Me: We will survive!

Fang: For as- No! No breaking into song! Answer!

Me: Ok, next question is from...megamanfangirl!


Fang: dang! Fang...sang...rang? Ok "Fang? Do you like pie" said I

What flavor? Cherry...or berry?

(Fang: I like all pies, as long as they are eatable. Blueberry pies are especially good, though.

Do you hate Justin? Why pie guy why?

(Fang: I don't hate him...I'm just not his biological father.)

What are your dreams...with beams?

What kind of dream beams?

(Fang: Never dreamed of beams...I did dream of streams once...I really had to pee...)

Would you let a bear cut your hair? If so...tut tut tut!

(Fang: I doubt I would...)

Saint: is fang the guy allergic to pie?

Are you too?

(Me: Nope and nope! We both love our pie.)

What flavor mocha or polka?

(Me: I'd have to say mocha...I don't like polka much...)

Sigh...uh wheat or... rye?

(Me: Mmmm...Rye...)

Is fuzzles (i think) fluffy and puffy?

(Me: -pets Fang- Fluffy.)

Would you rather be pink or sit in a sink?

(Me: Sitting in the sink is more reversible than becoming pink.)

Both: was there a carrage to take you to your marrage?

(Me: I wish...We must renew our vows!

Fang: Or not...)

Did you lie about the pie?

(Me: I would never lie about the pie!

Fang: To lie of pie, we'd have to be high!)

Do *giggle* meaty balls spatter when thrown upon walls?

(Me: -laughs hysterically-

Fang: Only ones on seven inch subs...)

Will these insane questions end?

(Me: I suppose they shall...)

Am I going around the bend?

(Fang: I don't know, are you?)

Lastly is your cat afraid of that bat?

(Me: Knowing Sasha...Probably...

Fang: But she chases dogs...Psycho Cat...)

Me: Ok, so stinkemrpink wants to ask more questions...

Fang: Ok, let 'em roll!

stinkemrpink (again):


what would your kids names be,

if Shakira is the mommy?

(Fang: Enrique and Margarita.)

what do you do to be rude?

(Fang: Interrupt Saint. Constantly.)

what is your favorite food?

(Fang: The edible kind. :D)


I think the ocean is fun to swim in,

do you want to be a dolphin?

(Me: I'd totally be a dolphin, if I could.)

Me: jedigal125 is next, then...

Fang: Just two more poems...

Me: And we can rest our arms and go to bed...


If queen of Canada you become

which would be really awesome

what would be the first thing you'd do

I hoe your answer will be true

Me: Well, the first thing I'd do is...

Jump up and down, screaming, "IN YOUR FACE, AMANDA!"'

Fang: Amanda thinks she'll become president before Saint can rule Canada.

Me: Two more! Arms, hang in there!

Fang: Next one's from...hawk without wings!

hawk without wings:

Your children dear Fang, are counted quite many,

If you tell me how they each became, i'll give you *searches pocket* this penny!

Fang: ...

Me: Hold on, I'll ask Vera for the list of all your children, then you can answer for each one.

Fang: This better be worth a penny...

Me: Ok, Vera sent me an icon that has all your children listed on it.

Fang: It also says, "Fang is the Next Michelle Duggar"...

Me: Ignore that. I read them, and you answer. First one, Java.

Fang: Java? Umm...I think everyone'll just have to read Vera's 'Java Runtime Error' fic to get that. I don't know...

Me: Justin?

Fang: According to Iggy, he was created by some wild night we had, but never actually had 'cause Iggy's nuts.

Me: Janet?

Fang: Ditto to above.

Me: Justina?

Fang: Who?

Me: Christian?

Fang: The stork delivered him.

Me: Athena?

Fang: Heh...One of my twins...That...Appeared...Yeah...

Me: Aquila?

Fang: The other twin...

Me: Shang Fhit?

Fang: The NON-EXISTENT child that I SUPPOSEDLY had with a toilet.

Me: Snuggia?

Fang: Had something to do with a Snuggie. Also non-existent.

Me: Jerry?

Fang: Non-existent.

Me: Snerry?

Fang: Non-existent.

Me: Lilyana?

Fang: Non-existent.

Me: Nicole Violet?

Fang: Non-freaking-existent.

Me: One poem left...

Fang: Then bed...

Me: Then baking for John tomorrow...

Fang: And planning employee appreciation day...

Me: And work...

Fang: And planning more for...The you-know-what...

Me: So, finally, from Skellingtonfan1...


If Fangs pants rip, can they be sewn?

(Fang: Yes, they can, but not while they're on me.)

Could I perhaps, write a therapy center fic of my own?

(Me: Of course you can! Go for it!)

Me: Phew! That's the end!

Fang: Or is it?

Me: You see, there's something on the next page...

Fang: So, we suggest you review here...

Me: Then go to the next chapter...

Fang: It's epic...I'd suggest it...

Me: So, for now...


And thanks for all the questions and great rhymes, people! They rocked! :D

31. Chapter 31: Saint's Sequels Contest!

Welcome to the Saint's Sequels Contest!

Ever read one of my stories and thought, "Hey, this should've ended this way?"

Or, "Hey, I wish this chapter was from so-and-so's POV?"

Or, "Hey, I know what the next chapter should be?"

Or, "Hey, I could make a parody of this?"

Or, "Hey, why do I keep saying 'Hey' and ending all my sentences in question marks?"

Well, if you've thought the first 4, I have a contest for you!


Your job is to write a 'sequel' to any one of my fics. It can be an actual sequel, a parody of one of my fics, a chapter of one of my fics written from another character's POV...I think you get the picture.


Obviously, it has to be from one of my fics.

Must be a oneshot. If you want to add chapters to it later, go ahead, but for the contest, it's a oneshot.

I get credit for what is mine, and all other authors get credit for what is there's. DO NOT FORGET YOUR DISCLAIMER!

You cannot both be a judge and be in the contest. Sorry.

I'll allow stuff going into the 'M' rating, but please, cut out the pornos, 'kay?


All of the entries will be narrowed down to a Top Ten by my first panel of judges...The Skype Crew Members: Vera, Matt, Kara, Skits, Bell, Crossover Genius, Rain and myself!

From the Top Ten, a winner will be picked by another panel of judges, which will be announced at a later date. I shall be taking applications to become a Top Ten judge. I will choose three other people, and those three and myself shall vote on the Top Four.

Then, the Top Four shall be voted on by the popular public vote on a poll on my profile.

Entrants will be judged on:

– Spelling

– Grammar

– Plot: How well they did with their own/How well they worked with mine

– Characterization: No Mary-Sues, unless they're supposed to be/Keeping the characters in-character for that particular story

– The "Flow": How well does it flow with the original?

– Sticking with the Right Genre

– Emotional Connection: Make us feel the way you want us to

Parodies will be judged on:

– Spelling

– Grammar

– Sticking with the Right Genre

– Knowledge of the Original Fic

– Emotional Connection: Make us feel the way you want us to

– Primarily humor this time

*Parodies don't have to pay as much attention to plot, characterization, and flow as non-parodies do.


If you would like to become a judge, please fill out the below application and either e-mail or PM it to me with 'Judge Application or something like it in the subject. (I prefer e-mails, but whatever works best for you.)

FF Username:

Name I Should Call You:

Age (optional):

E-mail (Only if you plan to converse over e-mail with me):

How long have you been involved in the FF community?:

How long have you been involved in the Maximum Ride community?:

How familiar are you with my fanfiction?:

How many fanfictions have you written? And out of those, how many of them are Maximum Ride related?:

Should Fang pay the child support?:

Why do you want to be a judge?:

Any prior judging experience?:

Favorite pairings, genres, etc.?:

Are there any pairings/genres/etc. you can't stand?:


All participants shall recieve: Free advertising and a 'Saint's Sequels Contest 2010' icon and banner.

Top Ten shall recieve: The above plus a 'Saint's Sequels Contest Top Ten' icon and banner with their fic's name on it.

Top Four shall recieve: The above plus a 'Saint's Sequels Contest Top Four' icon and banner with their fic's name on it and Fang shall be interviewing them for an upcoming chapter of Fang's Journal. (Interviews may be conducted over any instant messaging system or through PM or e-mail. Participant may give preference at notification of making Top Four.)

The Winner Shall Recieve: All of the above plus a 'Saint's Sequels Contest Winner!' icon and banner with their fic's name on it, an interview with Spiffy and Pooky for the Poetry Corner, and a cover for their fic.

All banners/icons, cover art, etc. will be created by Vera (Vera Amber) and Matt (tgypwa). The artwork shall be posted soon and announced at a later date.


It's all very simple. First, you write a fic! (If you want to PM me or something and let me know that you're participating, that's fine, but you don't have to.)

Then, when you finish said fic, you send me an e-mail or PM. (I really perfer e-mail, but if you have to use PM, I'll deal.)

Message Should Include:

1. Your username and the name you wish to be called. (You know, like I'm 'St. Fang of Boredom', but I liked to be called 'Saint'.)

2. The name of your fic.

3. What it's based on. (Parody of what, sequel to what, rewrite of what. You get it.)

4. Genre of fic.

5. Short summary.

6. Your e-mail, if that's how you plan to converse with me.

When I recieve this info, I shall place your fic in a Community for the contest entries, thus officially making you a participant!

Deadline for entry: None, at the moment. When I have enough fics to actually do a contest, I'll give everyone a warning that I'm closing entries soon. If you need more time than the deadline I give at the warning, let me know ASAP, and I may be able to work something out.


And try not to embarrass me! Come on!


Humiliate him for all he's worth! :D

-Saint and Fang

(Note: Following me on Twitter and checking the contest's forum and my profile for updates will help keep you informed with any updates on the contest.)

32. Chapter 32: Fnick, Rick, Nick, And Sick

Just in time

I'm so glad you have a one-track mind like me

You gave my life direction

A game show love connection

We can't deny-i-i-i

Me: Fang, whatcha listenin' to?

Fang: -scrambles to close YouTube- Nothing...

Me: -looks over shoulder- Typing up the lyrics to Soul Sister?

Fang: ...If you promise not to ask, you can use this WordPad for the Poetry Corner.

Me: ...Deal, 'cause I don't think I want to know. Ok, so hey out there, Poetry Corner readers!

Fang: 'Sup?

Me: Just checking in to see how all of you contest entrants, potential entrants, and potential judges are doing!

Fang: As well as you peeps who just want to read some fics.

Me: And the two people who said that I was a self-centered nutcase and should get a life on my poll. I have so many choice words for you people, but I'm going for politeness today, thank goodness for you...

Fang: Plus, we have no idea who they are.

Me: Besides that and the opportunity to embarass Fang, this post really doesn't have much of a point...

Fang: We need something interesting to happen...

Me: Agreed.

Patron Saint of Boredom I may be

So to cure this boredom, my powers must be free

Interesting things must happen before

All of our readers walk out the door.

-poof of billowing black smoke-

Fang: -coughs- Damn it, Saint!

Me: When I said something interesting must happen, I didn't mean an explosion!

Random Voice: -coughs- What the heck? -figure walks out of cloud-

Me: ...I know that voice. Nick?

Nick: Saint?

Fang: Affie's 11-year-old grandson? This is what your 'powers' summon?

Nick: Hey, Quail-Man!

Fang: ...Don't call me that.

Me: It's better than Turkey-Boy.

Fang: -headdesk-

Nick: What am I doing...Wherever this is? Where am I?

Me: That's classified information.

Nick: Huh?

Fang: You're in Saint's office at the Therapy Center. Welcome.

Nick: Therapy Center?

Fang: Don't ask.

Me: So, thou hast been summoned as entertainment...

Nick: Why is she talking like that?

Fang: It's Saint.

Nick: Good point.

Me: Nick, would you like to help us entertain my insane readers?

Nick: -shrugs- Sure, I'm fine with- Rick! No, you may not try to talk her readers into helping you take down the CIA! That's crazy!

Fang: ...He's talking to the voice inside his head again, isn't he?

Me: -nods- Rick, the crazy, conspiracy-forming OC that lives in Nick's head.

Fang: -looking skyward- Why am I cursed with you people?

Me: So, Nick, if Rick can give us a minute, you wanna hear the latest on David?

Nick: -eyeroll- What'd David do this time?

Fang: David, for all you readers, is a farm worker who has a tendency to make some not-so-bright blunders. He's also the inspiration for the Dylan's Face jokes, since they were originally David's Face jokes. David is an extremely good sport and finds the fact that we've made up all these jokes concerning his face funny.

Me: Well, good news is, David won first place in two of the contests he entered at the Fair. Bad news is, it was because he was the only one who entered. Everything else he entered, he came in third or lower.

Nick: Ouch.

Fang: At least it's not as bad as the time Amanda's aunt was in the hospital and when Amanda told him about it, he was all, "Well, if your aunt would lose weight, she'd get better!"

Me: -eyeroll- One day, David's gonna say the wrong thing to the wrong person, and he's gonna end up getting beaten to a pulp.

Nick: And we can go visit him in the hospital and say, "Hey, David, if you didn't have those tubes in your arms, you could walk!"

Me: -laughs hysterically-

Fang: Well, why Saint bruises a lung laughing over there, what should we talk about, Nick?

Nick: Well, making fun of Edward Cullen's always a blast.

Fang: You mean the Vampire Fairy?

Nick: I want to suck your blood! Then sprinkle it with my pixie dust! Then go cut myself 'cause I'm so emo while sitting in my pretty, shiny Volvo!

Fang: A load of Twilight fans are gonna kill us for this.

Nick: -shrugs- I just don't understand what everyone has against Jacob! I liked him better, personally.

Fang: Jacob had personality.

Me: Jake had a sense of humor. And he was fluffy.

Nick: Edward, on the other hand, had...Sparkles.

Fang: And vampireness.

Me: And hotness. Allegedly. Personally, I didn't think he was all that hot...I liked Jake, Embry, and Jasper better.

Nick: I'm...Not gonna comment on the hot thing...

Fang: Awkward...

Me: -eyeroll- Men...

Nick: Rick! No, I will not go hack Edward to pieces with a rusty chainsaw! I don't hate him that much, plus, he'll kill me!

Fang:...I worry about you, kid.

Nick: You worry about me? Hey, I'm not the one having illegitamate children with my friends, then denying it. Or running away from my family 'cause some Justin Bieber look-alike tried to pwn me. Or Skype-marrying a potentially psychotic sorceress-type teen girl. Or-


Me: Or randomly typing the lyrics to Soul Sister up...

Fang: -headdesk- -headdesk- -headdesk-

Nick: He do that often?

Me: Yeah, kinda.

Nick: Explains a lot.

Me: True.

-phone rings-

Me: I'll get it. -walks off-

Fang: So...

Nick: Hey, why were you typing up Soul Sister?

Fang: Do. Not. Ask.

Nick: Ok, jeez.

Fang: Uh...Hey, how's your mop-dog-thing?

Nick: Leave my mop dog alone. And she has a name, you know.

Fang: Dirty One?

Nick: -eyeroll- Yeah, not quite.

Fang: And how's Juicy?

Nick: Juicy Cat? She's great, goes out catting every day. ...She brought home a bird for lunch the other day...

Fang: Cats...-twitch-

Nick: -evil cackle-

Me: -comes back- That was Affie. Said Nick disappeared and that she thought it was our fault. Really, how can she be so suspicious of us!

Fang: But it was our fault.

Me: Not the point. We're her inheritence from Mom!

Nick: Maybe you guys were too...Inheritency.

Me: -laughs- Yeah, Affie doesn't like her inheritence to be too inheritency.

Fang: Or her fish too fishy.

Nick: Or her wind too windy.

Me: Or her soap too soapy.

Nick: Or...Rick! Of course we didn't forget the readers!

Me: Heh...No way...

Fang: We forget 'em.

Me: So, Affie likes to make complaints like, "I don't like my fish to be too fishy" or, "The wind is too windy!" so, we pick on her for it.

Nick: And Grandma thinks I'm nuts...

Fang: You are...

Nick: Not the point.

Fang: You guys are so-

Nick and I: Hey, Soul Sister, ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair, ya know.

Fang: STOP IT! Jeez, guy can't write a fic-


Fang: NO!

Nick: But you just said-

Fang: Did not!

Me: Did too!

Nick: What're you writing?

Fang: Nothing!

Me: Are too!

Fang: Does it look like I'm writing anything?

Me: You were! Oh my gosh, are you writing a songfic?

Fang: -eyeroll- Drop it.

Me: I'm getting back to you about this, Fnick.

Fang: Shut up.

Nick: Fnick?

Me: Nick, meet Fnick.

Nick: Rick says hi, Fnick.

Fang: -eyeroll- Hi Rick.

Me: I...Don't rhyme...

Nick: Saint, you're Sick. As in the cool sick, not the Avian Flu type.

Me: Hey, Avian Flu is cool!

Nick: Huh?

Me: Nevermind...

Nick: So I'm Nick with Rick.

Me: I'm Sick.

Fang: And I'm Fnick.

Me: Heh...

So there was Nick

Whose head housed Rick

They hung out with Fnick

And Saint, who is 'sick'.

Nick: Uhh...Random rhyming?

Fang: Welcome to the Poetry Corner...

Me: So...Hey, I guess I can mention some more about my contest!

Nick: Contest?

Fang: The 'Saint Is So Self-Centered She Made a Contest All About Her Fics' Contest.

Me: -glares at Fang- The 'Saint's Sequels Contest'. Anyway, we already have some entries! If you'd like to check them out, I'm sure all the entrants would love some R&R, so just go to my profile and check out my Saint's Sequels Contest Community!

Fang: Saint's waiting for a decent amount of entries to really get started. So, you know, if you have an idea, go ahead and give it a whirl! You never know...

Nick: And Rick says the winner can spend a night in his condo! Wait...Rick, you don't have a condo! Don't lie to people like that!

Fang: Can this get anymore insane around here?

-random siamese cat runs by, carrying a book-

Me: -gasps- Silas? What the heck are you doing here? GET BACK HERE! -chases-

Fang: ...Ok, who the heck is Silas?

Nick: Ok, Rick! I'll ask the cat, but I doubt he knows anything about dimensional travel...And what do you mean you need this info for the Secret Service? You dropped out of their training program, remember? -walks off-

Fang: Sometimes I wonder if there's any hope left for me after exposure to these people... -sigh- Wait up, guys! -follows-

-Saint, Fang, Nick, and Rick

33. Chapter 33: PULLing It All Together

Fang: Ok, Saint. You said we needed to write a Poetry Corner chapter, so...Write something.

Me: I don't even know where to begin.

Fang: Well, just say...Sasha's drinking out of the fish bowl again.

Me: Why would I say that?

Fang: NO! Your cat is drinking out of the fishbowl again.


Sasha: -glares- -struts off-

Me: -facepalm-

Fang: Ok, so why don't we start with the inevitable life update?

Me: Oh, yeah...

Need a new job, a new place to live.

More money, a car, jeez, something's gotta give!

Need time to do homework, write FF and more.

And in the meantime, I'm feeling quite sore.

Me: So...In case you haven't guessed, Saint's Holy Crapola of a Life has, once again, taken a turn for the worst.

Fang: We have to start paying rent. It's not bad, actually, for how much rooms usually go for around here. We're being charged 100 dollars a week. That's about 400 bucks a month.

Me: Problem? Well, the only time we make 100 bucks a week is if we get scheduled almost every day at Subway, which doesn't happen often.

Fang: And, according to our math, if we were to get scheduled almost every day for one month, we would make something around 538 dollars a month.

Me: 98 bucks goes to our storage unit. 60 bucks goes to our cell phone.

Fang: And 400 dollars to our rent.

Me: Doesn't leave us with much.

Fang: So, we're looking for second jobs.

Me: It's like the world doesn't want us to have free time.

Fang: Also, we're back on trying to get into the L.N.A. class, since, if we had that license, we'd be able to get decent-paying jobs. Problem is, it seems you have to take a class, go through the Labyrinth, and learn a super-secret code just to get into the L.N.A. class. Trust me, we would've been in it sooner if we could have.

Me: Plus, I'm trying to get my car on the road. The state's being a pain about all this probate junk.

Fang: And we're back to school! We have two classes. One of them is a Creative Writing class and Saint's already trying to butt heads with the teacher.

Me: -eyeroll- The woman cannot expect me to write like this...

What can a textbook teach you about writing?

I think it is I this teacher can be biting.

Writing isn't just some mindless skill you can learn.

But an art, an expression, not a grade that you earn.

Stupid huge-ass textbook. Stupid poem rules.

Fang: We have to write a 'good' poem every week. The poem has a theme. Like our last one was 'Write a poem about an animal. It should not rhyme. Try not to become the animal, but write about it. Do not write about a pet.'

We were told to read the poems in the textbook to get ideas.

Me: There's a stellar idea! Let's have the beginner poets read a bunch of other people's stuff so that they'll just basically copy them and not develop there own style! -headdesk-

Fang: Plus, the textbook is huge and very technical. It turns writing into, like, math.

Me: Stupid.

Fang: As for our poems...Well, we may stick them somewhere later. DeviantArt, perhaps?

Me: Not that they're any good, as we had to force them out of ourselves rather than writing what we truly felt...

Fang: And now Saint will get all philisophical about writing...I'll try to tune her out...

Me: -blah blah blah-

Fang: Shh...As far as Saint know, I'm typing everything she says. Anyway, we've covered almost everything, I think. Oh, yeah, new place to live. We gotta be out of the farm in about 6 months. That's the estimated time. See, they're sticking Grammy and Grampy in a nursing home I guess, so we're all out. Me, Saint, Jessica, Rachel...Everybody. Which is why we're being charged rent. It's totally understandable, but it does make things a bit tighter for us.

Me: ...And that's the meaning of being a true writer! Fang, you get all of that?

Fang: ...Sure, Saint.

Me: So...Where were we?

Fang: Well, need to inform our readers of anything else?

Me: Two things. Bad news and good news. I'll get the bad over with.

Bad news is, with everything that's going on right now, I wouldn't be surprised if we call yet another hiatus. I don't know if we will or not, but if we do, well, don't be surprised.

If we are forced into a hiatus, I will be placing someone (most likely one of the Skype Crew) in charge of the contest while I'm away. I will make sure to let you all know who that is and any other info you need.

As of right now, though, I'm going to try not to go on hiatus for the simple fact that, with all the bad stuff going on, dropping out of one of the few things I enjoy would certainly not help. But, if I find myself unable to handle both things on here and in my life, I will take the break.

Fang: Now, how about some good news?

Me: Good news! That's what we're singing about! Good news! I just can't live without!

Fang: -facepalm- Just tell them.

Me: I would like to pass on the word about...

Project PULL!

Fang: Project PULL is the awesome brainchild of a Fanfiction writer known as Bookaholic711.

Me: I'll Copy and Paste the rules and such from her profile here.


Project PULL (Push Ur Limits and Learn) is a challenge that I started for myself and that I'm trying to spread to the greater FanFiction. It spreads from 8/19/10 until 8/19/11. Exactly one year. Are you ready?

The Challenge: Post something on FanFiction every other Friday for an entire year.

The Rules: Simple. There are only two. The post must be up by midnight in your time zone. The post must be at least 1,000 words. It can span any category, be a oneshot or part of a full length, include music, anything you want.

The Purpose: It's to push your limits and take up your time and practice your skill. It's time to seize the day and make the most of it. Time to improve at something we all love to do. It's time to push ourselves to the brink of exhaustion so that a year from now we can look back and say that we did it. It's push the envelope and feel the burn and do something that we're proud of it.

How to Participate: It's easy. All you have to do is send me a PM telling me that you want to participate in PULL. It's for everyone, there's no tryouts or requirements or anything. All you have to do is let me know. The rest is up to you.

The username of every participating PULL member will be listed at the bottom every PULL post that I make. Also, a list of their profile links is below. The only thing that I ask is that you mention my username in the bottom of every PULL post you make so that a) everyone reading knows about the challenge, b) they can be linked to all of the other people doing PULL and c) everyone gets more publicity! The more people mention PULL, the more reviews and notice everyone participating gets!

Any questions or comments? Send me a PM.

It's time to push your limits and improve your writing, guys! READY, SET, PULL!

Me: So, basically, I think it's an awesome idea. I'm technically participating, as long as my life doesn't get too hectic to cause the hiatus I mentioned above. I encourage everyone to participate. It's a great way to get out of a writing slump or get all those plot bunnies you have running around to work for you.

Fang: Hey, if you've been wanting to do something for Saint's Sequels Contest, this may be the motivation you need...

Me: Good point, Fang. So, come on everyone! (Especially any of you NaNoWriMos. Gets you ready for November!) Let's write here!

When ideas have your head full

Time to join in with Project PULL!

Get those plot bunnies to work fast

Every other week for a year to last!

Fang: Hey, what if someone has the dreaded Writer's Block?

Me: What a wonderful way to cure it! Hmmm...SPIFFY! POOKY!

Spiffy: Yes, my lady?

Pooky: You rang?

Me: I need an infomercial.

Fang: ...What?

Me: An infomercial! Hop to it!

Spiffy and Pooky: -salute- -run off-

Fang: Oh, God. What now?

Do you suffer from Chronic Writer's Block?

Never able to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys) and make the words just flow?

Well, suffer no more!

I, St. Fang of Boredom, have just the cures for you!

Fang: Saint, what in the world can be done for Writer's...Writer's...-squints at cue card- Flock?

Me: -mutters- It says 'Block'.

Fang: Well, it looks like 'Flock' from here. Pooky, your handwriting sucks!

Pooky: Jeez, what am I supposed to do? I don't have fnicking fingers!

Fang: Point.

Me: -eyeroll- Anyway, here are some tips to help you get over this terrible affliction.

1. Just write. As in, sit down and write! Ok, so you have no ideas whatsoever. That's fine. Write anyway. Whatever words come to your mind, write them down. Let sentences flow out, even if you don't know why you're typing them or if they don't make sense. You never know, something may string together. Or, you may end up with one messed-up parody. Whatever works.

2. Get a notebook. If you have an epic idea, don't wait to get home to write it down. Carry a notebook or something and write it down then. Heck, J.K. Rowling wrote her thoughts down on a napkin, and look where she is.

3. Don't fear cliches. One thing I think people need to get over. 'Oh, I have this idea, but I think it's too cliche.' Write it anyway. First off, let's face it, there's a lot of things on this huge site that have been done before. It happens. More than one person can have the same idea. That doesn't mean you shouldn't get your chance to write your own version of it. Second, I've read a lot of stories that are considered 'cliche' and many of them have been pretty good, despite the basic idea being an old one. There's nothing wrong with writing a cliche story, a long as you're enjoying what you're writing, who cares what everyone else thinks? Besides, something's gotta keep my therapy center in business! :D

4. Don't worry about the reviewers. If I sat around worry what the reviewers would think, I'd never get anything done. I love the reviewers, but when I'm writing, screw 'em. I need to write something that makes me happy. If I'm not happy with my writing, then why should I bother writing at all? If everyone else likes it, that's just a plus. Don't be afraid to get a bit self-indulgent. It's your story, do it the way you want to.

5. Everything is inspiration. Sometimes, when I'm really grasping for something to write about, I just have to look at my life. In my mind, I don't have any truly bad experiences. Anything that wasn't useful for anything else can at least serve as writing inspiration. Have a crappy day at school? I'm sure you feel like ranting about it, but instead, try to write a character, say Fang, into having your day. Have Fang go to your science class and accidentally blow up a desk. Have Fang trip and fall on his face in front of the entire student body. Let Fang knock over the entire band like a row of dominoes by accidentally tripping on his shoe lace. Not only does this get all your feelings about the day out, but look! You just wrote a Fanfiction! Go you! And you never know, it may turn into a good one. Like, say, when i got sick this one time, I decided to write Fang as sick and...The rest is history. Anything that's bugging you, write it.

6. What does Fanfiction need? Go look at the fanfics that have been written so far for your favorite book/movie/etc. to write about. Anything...Missing? Like, look! No one has ever written a BellaXAmun fic in the Twilight section! (Who's Amun anyway? I forget.) And there aren't any fics starring Dr. Abate yet in the Maximum Ride section. So, why don't you write them? Give it a shot, be a pioneer! Don't worry about how 'good' it is. Remember, no one's done it before, so you are setting the standard! Go for it!

7. Contest, anyone? Find a contest to get into. Deadlines and prizes can be great motivation, at times. May I suggest Saint's Sequels Contest?

Me: So, there you have it. Curing Writer's Block in seven easy steps. Give some of these a try, you never know!

Fang: And, if none of these work?

Me: Then...Maybe you just need to go focus on something else for a while and come back and try later. That helps, too.

Fang; This message has been brought to you by...

Kidnappers Anonymous

We're anonymous for a reason...

Neigborhood Saint's Stalkers Watch

Keeping Saint safe ever since the FanSite went to the stalkers...

Saint's Center For Characters Effected by Fanfiction

Don't go on doing the same things over and over. Come and let us beat these habits out of you. With a herring.

...And, by viewers like you.

Thank you.

Fang: Saint? No more infomercials.

Me: I thought it was kind of fun.

Fang: -headdesk-

Me: So, on that note...I think we shall end, for now. Expect my Project PULL update sometime next week! Hopefully, some of you will be joining me!

Fang: Hey, you never know. Saint and I may lurk around the list on Bookaholic711's page in our fleeting spare time and review some of the Project PULL updates...

Me: Ooo...That could be fun...We could review one update every other week along with writing one!

Fang: o_0 That's...A good idea...

Me: I like it.

Fang I do, too.

Me: Let's do it!

Fang: So, with all that motivation to write that's floating around out there, what are you doing, just sitting there? GO WRITE!

Me: But not before you...


34. Chapter 34: NaNoWriMo 2010

NaNoWriMo 2010

It's gonna be here in, like, two days.

Fang: Don't know what we're talking about?

Me: How can you not? It's the greatest writing challenge ever! Write 50,000 words in 30 days! Google it, people!

Fang: So, we're posting this to warn of...What, a hiatus?

Me: Not a real one. Last year, I was still able to update my fics, just not as much during NaNoWriMo. I know, my updateness already sucks, but I try. I'm sorry, I have a life.

Fang: Besides, it's NaNoWriMo! Why are you all on Fanfiction, anyway? Go write!

Me: Exactly! Anyone doing Project: PULL might enjoy doing this as well. I might put PULL on the back-burner for this month, as I must focus on my novel for this year!

Fang: Which is?

Me: A secret...

Fang: Meaning she has no idea.

Me: -whacks Fang- Anyway, I am working on another Poetry Corner chapter, which will be up at some point, but I wanted to post this first. I'll try and find time to update more, but my life is just in a current state of insanity, and it's going to be hard enough to work in my 50,000 words a day this year. But, I'm determined.

Fang: And if any of you are interested in doing NaNoWriMo, go to their website. There's a link to Saint's NaNoWriMo profile on her Fanfiction profile.

Me: I also encourage you all to look up Kristina Horner on YouTube and watch her newest NaNoWriMo video. She gives out some good tips.

Fang: So, let's post this and start planning out that novel of yours.

Me: I think this year, I've got the plan to beat last year's...

Fang: Last year, werewolves, this year...I'm not sure I want to know...

-Saint and Fang

35. Chapter 35: A Very Potter Moment

Me: To make up for the sad fact that I probably won't be able to see Deathly Hallows until sometime next week, I've spent the last couple of nights watching 'A Very Potter Musical' and 'A Very Potter Sequel'.

Don't know what they are? You are missing out if you don't!

Oh. My. Rowling. The two most hilarious musicals I've ever seen in my life!

Fang: I have to admit, I agree.

Me: Fang! I didn't know you were going to comment on this!

Fang: Uh, yeah you did. You put 'Me:' at the beginning of the post.

Me: Well...That was wishful thinking...

Fang: -eyeroll- Anyway, I thought it was going to be stupid, but I watched it, and actually got some laughs off of it. Amazing, I know.

Me: It's so addicting! Why isn't it on Broadway, or at least on DVD? I need the soundtrack!

Fang: Yeah, you need to make a fool of yourself with your ipod as well as with YouTube.

Me: What's that supposed to mean?

Fang: Ok, people. Saint's favorite song from the musical is 'Back To Hogwarts'. As any of you who've seen it know, that song contains many different characters singing, as it's kind of the introduction. Saint here found a lyrics video for that song and likes to spend her time singing along with it. (No, Vera, I can't record her.) But, not only does she sing along. She begins coming up with her own choreography and acts out each part in turn, switching from one character to the other on a dime like a severely bi-polar gerbil. It's disturbingly entertaining.

Me: If there's ever a third Potter Musical, or a remake, I'll be ready to audition.

Fang: What part would you audition for?

Me: What? Oh, I don't know...Whatever they give me, I suppose.

Fang: Come on, Saint. If it was up to you, and you could choose any one character to play, who would it be?

Me: Hmmmm...You know, I fancy myself a fabulous Draco Malfoy. :D

Fang: Good choice. You can roll all over the floor and wear a diaper.

Me: -whacks Fang with herring- Hey, Draco has his good points! And it's a fun part.

Fang: Very true. You'd want the fun part.

Me: What about you?

Fang: What about me?

Me: Who would you play, Fang?

Fang: No one. I don't do musicals.

Me: -eyeroll- Ok, Fang. Do me a favor. Drop the 'dark, macho Prince of Doom' act for a minute. Now, using the inner geek that dwells in us all, even you, tell me, who would you choose to play?

Fang: Well, Uh...I don't know.

Me: There must be someone! Who you you be?

Fang: Ummm...Well, I'm...

Me: Well?

-lights go out-

Me: Shit...Power outage again?

-spotlight on Fang-

Me: Oh! Dramatics!

Fang: I'm Harry Freakin' Potter!

I'll do what I can

if what you say I am is true!

I can't be bothered

by my awful past,

I've found at last

something I can do,

so it's time I knew

exactly who I am...

Me: You're Harry Freaking Potter!

Fang: And I-

Both: Gotta get back to Hogwarts!

We gotta get back to school!

We gotta get ourselves to Hogwarts!

Where everyone thinks we're cool!

Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts.

To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts.

It's all that I love and it's all that I need!

At Hogwarts! Hogwarts!

Me: I think we're going back!

-Dumbledore magically appears-

Dumbledore: I welco o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o ome all of you to Hogwarts.

I welcome all of you to school.

Did you know that here at Hogwarts

We've got a hidden swimming pool?

Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts.

Welcome hotties, nerds, and tools.

Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts,

I'd, um, like to go over just a couple of rules.

My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts.

You can all call me "Dumbledore".

S'pose you could also call me "Albus" if you want a detention.

Nope! I'm just kidding. I'll expel you if you call me Albus.

-random Hogwarts students appear to sing back-up-

Us And Students: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts.

To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts.

It's all that I love and it's all that I need.

At Hogwarts! Hogwarts!

Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends!

To Gryffindor!




Back to the place where our story begins!

At Hogwarts! Hogwarts!

Dumbledore: I'm sorry, what's its name?

All: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!

Dumbledore: I didn't hear you kids!

All: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!

Spiffy: -walks in- Uh, wtf?

-lights pop back on-

Pooky: Did we accidentally walk onto the set of Glee again?

Spiffy: Look! It's the emo, winged version of Darren Criss!

Fang: Uh...Heh...


Dumbledore: I agree. 10 points each to Saint and Fang and butterbeers all around!

Students: -cheer-

Spiffy: There's drinking involved? Well, that explains Fang's actions.

Pooky: If we get him drunk enough, can we get him the lead in My Fair Lady?

Both: -hysterical laughter-

Fang: -.- I'm locking my inner geek in the Chamber of Secrets and it's never coming out again.

Me: Aw, come on, Fang! That was totally awesome!

Fang: You can stop now, Saint.

Me: Just one question. How the Hell did Dumbledore and all these Hogwarts students get here?

Fang: ...You didn't summon them?

Me: No...

Fang: As cool as I thought having them here would be, and as cool as it was, uhhh...How'd they get here?

Me: -le gasp- Fang!

Fang: Dear God, what?

Me: Being around me this long does have side effects! You, too, have Fanfiction Magic!

Fang: No. The fictional character cannot have Fanfiction Magic. Nor does he want it.

Me: But, you do! You summoned them here! I'm so proud!

Fang: -eyeroll- Whatever, Saint.

Me: Well, fine, don't believe me. Don't say I didn't warn you, though. Having such power is a great resposibility, Fang.

Fang: Sure, Saint.

Me: So...

Fang: Yeah...

Me: ...Want a Red Vine? -pulls out a bag of Red Vines-

Fang: I would love one!

-epical reprisal fade-out music-

Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts.

To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts.

It's all that I love and it's all that I need.

At Hogwarts! Hogwarts!

-Saint and Fang, Over and Out.

Total NaNoWriMo Word Count, Thus Far: 20,095

Time to go catch up!

36. Chapter 36: Updates, NaNo, & Those OCs!

Slow in updating we have been

We have just been posting now and again

I hope to bring something back to this corner

...Anybody a fan of Kristina Horner?

Fang: Having trouble rhyming, Saint?

Me: Can you think of anything else to put there that rhymes with 'corner'?

Fang: Mourner...Errrr...Forlorner...

Me: Is that even a word?

Fang: No idea.

Me: Well, anyway, November is over, NaNoWriMo has been won again, and I'm trying to get back in business.

Fang: She's been epic failing at updating for Project: PULL.

Me: I've been epic failing at updating period. I'm just not the updater I used to be. I have work, school, life in general...Gah. But I haven't stopped, people. Just slowed down a bit.

Fang: So, let's give some updates while we're here.

Me: Grand idea, Fangles! To start off, Fang fell in the driveway today.

Fang: That's not the kind of update I meant.

Me: It was so funny!

Fang: Funny? That hurt...

Me: Let me renact...

'I beat you, Saint! Wanna know why I beat you? 'Cause I can fly, mere human! I can-' -falls on ground-

'But you don't walk much, do ya?'

Fang: Shut up.

Me: Win.

Fang: Moving on...Who saw Harry Potter 7 Part 1? We did.

Me: Wonderful movie. Sure, there were things left out and things done slightly differently in some parts, but I think they did wonderfully. I mean, if they put in every little thing, it would have had to be in four parts. I think it was a great portrayal of the book.

Fang: And the story-telling? Epic. Win.

Me: We won't say too much for those who haven't seen it yet.

Fang: More news?

Me: Uhh...Oh...

Fang: Oh...Yeah, we have sad news.

Me: We will be having a couple moments of silence here.

Fang: First off...I lost my pet mouse, Attalia.

Me: That mouse lived a long time. We buried her out in the field. I was worried about Fang there for a while. He just sat in front of the mouse's tank and stared.

Fang: That sucked...

Me; Yeah...

Fang: Then, we lost our guinea pigs.

Me: All three, Minkle, Mousse, and Wonton. We had already had to give them away. Amanda took Minkle and Mousse, and a friend of hers took Wonton. We're not sure why they all died. Amanda thinks it was either their food or something genetic. I tend to think Minkle actually got sick and died, then Wonton and Mousse just died of lonliness.

I could have dealt with all that...But no...

Fang: Then, we suffered the worst loss of all the day before Thanksgiving. We lost Skye, Saint's 12 year old Shetland Sheepdog to a stroke.

Me: That had to be the hardest thing I've gone through since I lost Mom. I had Skye forever, since I was around seven years old. I'm not used to being dogless, Skyeless...

Fang: So it's been a bit depressing around here...

Me: So let's get on a happier note. NaNoWriMo.

Fang: This needs a poem.

Me: Sounds good.

Another month of NaNo done

Another month of stress and fun

Will this year's novel be the one?

The one whose 50,000 won?

Me: Wrote my first ever completely whacked-out sci-fi this year. Not finished yet, but getting there.

Fang: And this one, I hear, is a bit more flawless than last years.

Me: -nods- Not that Wolf Eyes is completely hopeless or anything, but it started to drive me nuts. There were so many places I went wrong with that one. Plotholes, blah blah blahing...For that story to be anywhere near successful, I'd have to write the entire thing over again, starting at square one. To say the least, I wasn't in the mood. So I'm taking a break from Wolf Eyes until I'm motivated to attack it again.

But this year...

I wish I could explain this story to you, but I wouldn't know where to begin. It's...Wild. Alternate dimension, strange new species, magic, demons, and ghosts.

Fang: Saint was writing the scene with the ghost, and she actually scared herself.

Me: Had to turn my lights back on. (Had turned them off since I wasn't using them.)

Fang: Woke me up.

Me: Sorry... -eyeroll-

Fang: So...Aren't you going to say something about your novel?

Me: I could give a quick summary. A boy gets dragged across dimensions because he supposedly has these powers that will help him protect the dimensions from evil.

Fang; That was a crappy summary.

Me: Well, I'm not sure how much I want to reveal yet.

Fang: -eyeroll- Whatever...

Me: Anyway, I'm much more proud of Double-Edged Sword than last year's story...

Fang: Ok, well we've got fics to work on updating. Anything else we should mention?

Me: Yes! About Saint's Sequels Contest. No, I have not forgotten it. I should be posting something on the forum about it shortly. Please, if you are, in any way associated with the Contest, please follow the forum for it here on Fanfiction. I can't be posting every little thing for the contest on my fics.

Fang: Ok, so, if we're done...

Me: Let's get to writing, shall we?

-Saint and Fang






The OCs cannot be locked away

They, too, must always have their day

Last year they leaked a story's piece

I doubt this year the tradition will cease.

Otto: Ok, Eliza said that we'd find the new PC chapter here...

Lane: She seemed a bit miffed at us. Can't imagine why...

Jacy: Easy. We're from Saint's new novel. Her novel took a back seat to ours, nimwit. Of course she's moody.

Ichor: Jacy, one should halt from referencing one's wit as nim.

Jacy: ...Lane?

Lane: Ichor says to stop calling me a nimwit.

Jacy: -eyeroll-

Otto: Ok, guys, focus. We're here to post an excerpt from our story, remember?

Jacy: I am not a guy.

Otto: It's a figure of speech, jeez...

Lane: Ok, here's the excerpt, I'll-

Ayaitha: You'll what, Lanedon?

Lane: ...Ayaitha?

Ayaitha: What, exactly, are you all doing?

Otto: Errr...Having a Bible Study?

Lane: Amen.

Ayaitha: Well, you all better start praying, because you're gonna need all the help you can get.

Kleon: Ayaitha! Now, you're not going to be too hard on them, are you?

Ayaitha: For breeching Lady Saint's security? This deserves punishment. Kleon, don't be trying to override me here. It's not your place.

Kleon; -bows- -smirks- As you wish.

Ayaitha: -eyeroll- Out of here, you meddling monsters.

Group: -grumbles- -leaves-

Ayaitha: -escorts out-

Kleon: -laughs- Ah, Ayaitha. She's really not as bad as she lets on. But she can be a real stick in the mud at times.

Hmmm...Well, I can't certainly let this excerpt sit here and rot. Wouldn't be right of me. I'll just stick it up here and you can all figure out what to do with it. -wink-

I had a dream I was back on Hatchet Point Road, running for my life. Behind me, I had Koronden's hot breath on my heels and his thundering footsteps pounding in my ears.

"We could use you, Otto." Koronden called from behind me. "Join the winning side, boy. With your powers, we could rule Lilentia."

"No!" I yelled back at him, trying to run faster. It seemed, no matter how fast I ran, I never got far enough.

"Stop fighting this, Otto!" He yelled from behind. "This is the destiny of your powers!"

"No way!" I yelled back. "No. Freaking. WAY!"

Just as I thought I could feel Koronden's claws reaching out to touch my ankle as I ran, a bright light exploded into my eyes ahead of us. I skidded to a halt and Koronden let out a screech and dove away from the blinding light.

"You need to wake up." The voice was distinctly female, coming straight out of the brightness. "We don't have all day for you to go screaming through nightmares."

Before I was able to react, or even think about reacting, my eyes shot open like my lids had been forced apart by some invisible force. I found myself staring face to face with a pair of blue eyes, a peachy colored face, and a long, blonde braid. I almost didn't recognize her out of her fancy council clothes.

"Ayaitha." I said. "You want to back up? You're kinda in my danger zone right now."

Her eyes narrowed into a small glare, but she backed away to sit on the edge of my bed.

"You shouldn't intrude on people's dreams." I told her. "It's kinda rude."

"Did you want to keep having a nightmare?" she asked me.

"I just enjoy my privacy when I'm having one." I shot back.

She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms in front of her. "No matter. In any case, you needed to get yourself up, boy. If I'm going to be forced to drag along some little greenhorn on this mission, then you're at least going to get a crash course basic training before we depart. Now, come on." She gave my leg a shove and got up, walking towards the door. "Get dressed and meet me out in the hall in twenty minutes."

As soon as she was out my door and out of sight, I got out of bed and started to get dressed, grumbling all the way. I thought about just not going out there, but I had a feeling Ayaitha would drag me out by force if I didn't make an appearance on time.

I exited my room to find Ayaitha leaning up against the wall opposite my door, arms crossed in front of her, staring my way with a look of intense boredom.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Early." was her response. "Welcome to the Alutari, get used to it."

"Don't I get some kind of trial period?" I asked her.

She just rolled her eyes at me again and turned, starting down the hall and motioning, at the last second, for me to follow. "Come on, Mr. Waidley. We've got a lot to go over and little to no time to go over it. Hope you're good at paying attention."

I shrugged. "I've always been an average student."

She turned back to me as we walked. "Otto, there is not such thing as average around here."

Kleon: Not much of an excerpt, if you ask me. So what if Otto is the main character, don't I get some face time? Ah, well, such is life. I hope you all enjoyed this little tidbit and please, take into account that this is a first draft, not to mention I believe the Lady Saint tends to get very wordy during NaNo. She's been editing bits and pieces in her spare time, but vows not to really edit until the whole story is finished. I doubt she needs an excerpt from an unfinished, unedited novel plastered to the internet, but...

We OCs have to have our fun, too, right?

-Kleon Nuetyen

Order of the Alutari, First Class

Alutarin Master of Death

37. Chapter 37: The Sequel Contest Lives!

NOTE: I had no intention of posting any other contest announcements on here. Why? Because this is the Poetry Corner, not the contest bulletin board. Unfortunately, what would be the contest bulletin board, the Saint's Sequel's Contest Forum here on FF is only followed by, like, two people. I realized, after posting this announcement there and getting absolutely no replies to it or anything, that if I don't post it in a fic, no one's gonna read it. -sigh- Despite the fact that my following of the 'Fanfiction Guidelines' has been spotty at best, I do try to compromise and follow the less ridiculous ones, one of them being that contest announcements should not be posted as stories. (So, please, if you're going to bitch to me about posting this hear, you know, just don't.)

Fang: She's PMSing.

Me: Silence, mortal. The point I'm getting to is...I cannot stress this enough, if you are, in any way, involved or interested in the contest, PLEASE follow the forum. It's easy for me to just post everything on there, it makes FF happy, and it keeps everything contest-related organized all in the same spot.

That being said, here is the contest announcement. I apologize if I sounded at all bitchy up there. I'm just trying to point people in the right direction. I realize that my lack of attentiveness to this contest could be partially, if not mostly to blame, and I'll take the fall for that. It's also why I'm trying to get this contest rolling already.

Thank you for your patience with the neurotic Fanfiction authoress.


No, I haven't forgotten about it, and I don't plan to.

So, I am officially setting a deadline. I'm going to call in tentative, for the simple fact that God knows what my life is gonna throw at me, but. for all intents and purposes, the deadline for Saint's Sequels Contest entries is...



1. I want to do this AFTER my trip to Florida.

2. I don't want to do it RIGHT after!

3. It's my birthday. :P

I believe that's good enough reasoning. It also gives plenty of time, in my opinion.

So, I realize, at this point, I don't have enough to do the judging as I originally planned, but I do have plans to reorganize how the fics will be narrowed down and will post my plan after the closing date when I see what has actually been entered.

I will also be posting my choices for judges soon, as well as double checking with my Skype Crew judges. Yeah, guys? You all still up for this? And, yo, Vera and Matt, about those banners and icons and such...How are they coming? Let me know if I need to make any edits on that part of the awards...

Alright, one more thing. I'm not that into bribery. I'm usually not the biggest fan. But, well, I thought it'd be nice to have twenty entries. I don't need that many and can surely manage without, but those ten extra would allow me to do the judging like I had originally planned, ya know?

Fang: So she's resorting to underhanded bribery.

Me: -.- Thanks, Fang.

Fang: No prob.

Me: So here's the deal, people. I would like ten more fics. Just ten. It's not really too hard. So, if you guys give me ten more fics, I'll give you...

1. Another chapter of Dylan's Face.

2. Mine and Amanda's 'Celebrity Jeopardy' parody fic. Something we've been working on...

4. One other new fic. Probably my Murder Mystery one, but we'll see what I have done...

5. I can't believe I'm saying this...I will finally get what is known as The Angsty Fic up and running...The fic that might ruin me upon posting...

So, there you have it. Bribery. Heh, I better get right on this stuff, just in case.

Well, in the meantime, I'll go stick this up for you all to read. I will be posting news on any new developments right here in this forum, not to mention any real big developments will warrant a PM or e-mail to anyone involved in the contest.

Thank you for bearing with me, folks!

-Saint and Fang

38. Chapter 38: ANGEL Aftermath

Me: You knew this chapter was coming.

Fang: It's kind of a 'duh' moment at this point, Saint.

Me: So...Oh! Let's start with a little warning...


If you haven't read it yet, you do NOT want to go past the dots.

And now, for your viewing pleasure...The dots.





















Me: And that was...The dots!

Crowd: -thunderous applause-

Fang: I do NOT want to know where you got a crowd.

Me: Rented 'em.

Fang: ...From who?

Me: New company that just came out. They make special-order crowds and riots.

Crowd: -glowing happy faces- We love dots...We love dots...

Fang: ...Disturbing.

Me: Yeah, but they were well recommended by this guy, Mark...Right before he blew up.

Fang: That figures.

Me: But anyway, let's start at the beginning and tear this book apart, shall we?

Fang: I'd just like to say something.

Me: Oh, please, go ahead.

Fang: I declare myself non-canon.

Me: ...Ok, my turn. Huh?

Fang: I don't belong in this book series anymore. I don't understand what's going on. I've obviously been with Saint here too long and this other me J.P. has created is just...Not me. What the Hell? It's like, "Dylan, I hate you! Fistpump! Max! I love you and miss you so much that I'm going to be at your throat every other second!"

Me: That's emotions sometimes, Fang. They're unpredictable.

Fang: Which is why I gave up the practice years ago.

Me: -facepalm- Alright, folks, you heard it. Fang here has declared himself non-canon. With the Powers of Fanfiction Invested in Me, Fang, I hereby announce you free of whatever insanity J.P. thinks up next. -thunder booms-

Fang: Thank God.

Me: So...That uhhh...Whoa...

Fang: What?

-more thunder booms-

Me: o_0 I think I just completely freed you from the fictional dimension.

Fang: ...Huh?

Me: Yeah...Whoops. I don't think I'm supposed to do that...Just as much as I'm not supposed to drag you out of the Fictional Dimension in the first place, but hey, I'm a rebel.

Fang: Saint...What did you do?

Me: Good news is...You're free from J.P.'s vicious pen!

Fang: And?

Me: Bad news is, I may have fucked up the time-space continuum. Again. Oh, and caused a rift in dimensional balance.

Fang: ...Great...

Me: Oh well! We have a response to write!

Fang: Yeah, let's ignore impending doom and tear my creator's writing to shreds!

Me: I love it when we put on this fake cheeriness as my minions run panicking around us!

Minions: -running in panic-

Me: Moving on...Let's start at the beginning.

Fang: I believe you said the beginning of this book reminded you of something.

Me: It did. Another book I read once. It had this simple name and a pretty black cover...Anyway, I was able to compare You, Max, and Dylan to three character from this book.

Fang: And who were they?

Me: Well...

Max - Bella

Fang - Edward

Dylan - Jacob

It's freaking New Moon, people!

Fang: Oh, sick. I do NOT sparkle.

Me: Except in Fly By Twilight. :P

Fang: -eyeroll-

Me: It's just so..."Oh, my boyfriend left me...And I'm hanging out with my friend, who's a clown and has a crush on me... -Meanwhile, somewhere far away- Fang: -broods like an emo-"

Fang: Not when I'm hunting down my gang, though

Me: Fang's Gang. (tgypwya and I are lobbying to change it to 'The Fang Bangers') I have to say, I like Ratchet, though...Ratchet. Fang. Star. What's with the noun names, J.P.?

Fang: And Maya?

Me: I like Maya. She's like Max in the old days, before she had to save the world, become famous, start trusting people and trying to be halfway normal, and becoming a whiny ex-girlfriend. Maya is cool for now.

Fang: And...Please, please give your review on Dylan. I love it.

Me: -eyeroll- Ok...Well, I've heard a lot of people say they're starting to like Dylan more. And I can see why. J.P. has done some...Character remodeling on him. Gave him some sarcastic wit. Made him likable, not to mention easier to sympathize with. He's made him a real contender for Max's heart.

But, I still DESPISE him.

He's got some new little quirks thrown in, but his personality is still...Near non-existent. And he STILL hasn't given a real reason for liking Max other than that he has to, doesn't know what else to do. He's programmed to, that's all there is to it. And he's STILL way too much like Justin Bieber. Actually, I'm quite sure J.P. is purposfully modeling him after Bieber because of his popularity with his target audience.

I just...Can't like Dylan. I can't. He pisses me off. I don't know how Max can really be falling for him. I used to think I was a bit like Max, I could make the comparisons. But now, no. Not with this kid. I mean...What happened to Max here? I know if someone shoved some guy under my nose who was programmed to follow me around like a lost puppy and told me I WOULD love him, I would NEVER have the guy. Never. I don't care, my stubbornness wouldn't allow it. Wasn't Max like that once?

I know I sound like some SqueeFan, but, well, I'm still on the side of Fax, of Fang. I never realized what a soft spot I had for the pairing until J.P. ripped it to shreds. Max and Dylan is just...Too perfect. They're so made for each other, perfect for each other, engineered for each other. Max and Fang was a real relationship. A relatable plane of existence. They grew up together, got to know each other well, had their disagreements, their hard times. Max and Fang made sense.

Max and Dylan make no sense. I don't see how any amount of genetic science can make up for what is, well, human.

Isn't that supposed to be a point in your book, J.P.?

Fang: Don't forget my favorite quote.

Me: -sigh- I won't. Ok, so when I originally came up with this rant, it started like this...

"I don't understand how Max can like Dylan over Fang. I just...Can't. Like, Fang could be drowning puppies, and Dylan could be rescuing them, and I'd still like Fang better."

Fang: I can drown puppies, and still win at least one fan over.

Me: ...Don't think about it.

Fang: Because I have such a puppy-drowning fetish.

Me: More like a puppy-shooting fetish.

Fang: :D I love that game...

Me: -eyeroll- Moving on...

Dr. Hans...Is he dead?

Fang: And what aout Jeb and Dr. M?

Me: And Ella?


Almost forgot to say...


Called it. :D

Fang: You and hundreds of other fans.

Me: I still called it.

Fang: Saint...

Me: Ok, ok. So, I'm still up-in-the-air (excuse the pun) about Jeb and Dr. M. Good or evil? Maybe...Neither? Just...In it for the 'greater good'? I have to agree with Max here, "There's nothing more dangerous than someone working for the greater good."

Fang: And what about Ella? Personally, I'm expecting her to show up with wings attached.

Me: Or something...

Fang: Can I comment on something?

Me: What?

Fang: This is such a lovely young adult novel, talking about the two fifteen year olds (One who is, technically, only a months-old clone of a fifteen year old) running off together to do it in a little cabin in the woods and produce babies.

Me: Yeah, folks, you heard it. Max will be featured on the next episode of "16 and Pregnant."

...Fanfiction Idea...

Fang: Please, spare me.

Me: Let's find a new thing to comment on. C3-El-0 and R2-Ig-2. El-droid and Ig-droid. Was that not mildly creeptacular?

Fang: Mildly? More like...WTH?

Me: And...I really hope I wasn't the only one who got a giggle out of what was supposed to be such a serious scene of sticking Iggy in the shower...

Seriously, he's screaming, "You're killing me!" and I cracked up. I'm messed, I know.

Fang: And when he descends from the Heavens to lead his wayward followers?

Me: What a ham.

Fang: -eyeroll- Typical Ig.

Me: Oh! Another comment!

Fang: Yes?

Me: Max and the Flock make the pact to trust no more adults...Couple problems.

1. She also keeps talking about how she and others are growing up. She does realize that one day she, too, may be an adult, right?

2. I feel so unloved...Then again, I don't consider myself an adult, but an oversized child. :P

3. "We don't trust adults, so let's ask our rich adult friend for a ride in his private jet! Yay!"

Maybe it's not that big of a deal, but I'm still pointing it out.

Fang: And so, Max's Flock meets Fang's Gang...Sorry, I mean The Fang Bangers.

Me: -cracks up-

Fang: -eyeroll- Anyway...Could we be anymore hostile? Really? The whole thing was almost ridiculous. "Oh, Fang and Max are mad at each other so we will hate each other, too! Though...We don't exactly know why..."

And I want to know how we managed to hate each other so fast. I've been gone...A couple weeks? Honestly? Yeah, so much for my 'twenty year' plan there! And Max got over me and fell for Dylan that fast? J.P. has a problem with patience, doesn't he?

-cell phones goes off-


Fang: What?

Me: Got a text...

Fang: Can't it wait?

Me: It's from my friend, Anthony. It says... o_0

Fang: What?

Me: "Do you wanna see my underwear Herp Derp."

Fang: ...Is he drunk?

Me: Hold on Another text from Andrew, Pooky's owner. Says... "Do you wanna see my underwear?"


Fang: It must be a prank.

Me: Heh...Moving on...

Fang: I think our whole meeting could have gone better than that. And the plane ride, too.

Me: By the way, Beth creeps me out. Or...Creeped me out. I can't decide if she survived the explosion or not.

Fang: -shudders- She's just weird...

Me: o_0 OH. MY. GOSH. Messing with people's brains. Sending them images in their head. The Macbook kid. Do we have a contender for...The Voice? Or, at least an idea where The Voice may have come from?

Fang: All things are possible when you let Jimmy P. loose with a pen.

Me: Too true.

Fang: Let's skip to the end here. Angel...

Me: Just as I started to like her again...She goes poof...NOT!

Fang: She's kidnapped and thought to have gone poof.

Me: It was so depressing...And, relatable for me. The beginning of Chapter 79 says it all. "The weird, weird thing about devastating loss is that life actually goes on. When you're faced with a tragedy, a loss so huge that you have no idea how you can live through it, somehow, the world keeps turning and seconds keep ticking."

Fang: I know where this is going.

Me: Mom. I just nodded my way through the paragraph. I remember that first week after Mom was gone. The world should have stopped turning. The clocks should have stopped ticking. But they didn't. They kept moving, so I had to. It was weird sometimes. And frustrating when people didn't seem to understand that the very world had changed devastatingly. I had to remember, it was my world that changed, not theirs.

And it just keeps changing...

But, come on, do I have to get all sappy on ya now?

Fang: I don't like how I and my gang left the Flock. I don't think I would have left so fast.

Me: I get it, but I don't. I get that Fang wants to stop the DG for good now that he believes they've killed his little sister figure, but I just don't seem to think he would have left so...Suddenly. You'd think, at a time like this, maybe the Flock would need to be together, even for just a bit longer. There should have been more there, I just feel it.

Fang: There were chunks left out of that piece.

Me: Yeah, a lot of emotion, a lot of coming together and falling apart could have happened there. But J.P. sped through. Actually, he sped through the entire book. I mean, if you think about it. not a lot happened. There were some major events all strung together, but it's the usual bing-bang-boom style he's used in all the other books. And, for once, I'm really annoyed by it. There's so much more he could've written, but chose to speed through and leave out. Quite disappointing.

Fang: Like Chapter 17.

Me: YES! Sorry to scoot back a bit, but I gotta say...I was disappointed when Jeb survived. AND NOT BECAUSE I HATE HIM! I mean...It kind of ruined the moment.

Fang: There was this dramatic "No, Gazzy can't save him! There he goes, yelling his last words and sacrificing himself!"

Me: And you feel terrible for Gazzy. You may even feel a pang for Jeb, depending on your personal feelings for him.

Fang: It's this big, dramatic ball of emotional mush that builds inside you until...Oh, nevermind. He survived. Oh well, no big deal.

Me: It was kind of pointless. It was like J.P. changed his mind last second.

Fang: Which he probably did.

Me: Ok, what else is there to discuss?

Fang: I could quickly remind you of Dylan's 'calming singing power'.


Fang: Ok then...What about the claims of Fanfiction Idea Stealing?

Me: I am aware that parts of this could be a bit far-fetched, but I'm going to mention this stuff anyway. The Fang Bangers go to a Comic Con? MangaFlock. Eggy? Avian Flu. Fang's Gang? No Longer Hatchlings. (Maya = Lark. Ratchet = Toby.) Like I said, it's far-fetched, but there are mild comparisons. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read the fics and see what you can figure out for yourself.

Fang: All J.P. needs to do is mention Justin, and you can go on the offensive.

Me: :D Hell yeah...

Fang: So...How about pairings? Hope or no?

Me: Let's start with an easy one. Iggy and Ella. I think there could be hope for these two. I have the funniest feeling we haven't seen the last of Ella. What will happen when she turns up again, no idea.

By the way, another theory. I seriously think J.P. might've just stuck these two together to discourage the Figgy fans. It's a thought, at least.

Fang: Maya and I. Let's face it, it's a distinct possibility. She ISN'T just another Max. But she is a lot like her. The old her. The one I first fell for. I think the pairing's likely...From one end at least. I think I'll end up making a move. Question is...How will Maya react?

(You know...It's kinda weird talking about...Myself...)

Me: Max and Dylan. J.P. is really pushing it. It seems like it will be the pairing that the series ends with. However, maybe I'm just being optimistic, but I don't think this pairing is set in stone yet. I would not completely give up hope on Fax. It could turn around yet, especially if enough fans throw fits...

Fang: And, that leaves us with Fax.

Me: Fang and Max. Is there hope for these two? I sure hope so. There is a LOAD of opposition, and I really think J.P. is trying to get us to let go of the 'Max and Fang' idea. The biggest note was how Dylan and Fang kind of got along near the end. It was a kind of...Acceptance. I think Fax may truly be gone for good. But then again, I've been surprised before. There were a couple little points where I thought maybe, maybe... I can dream, right? And, like I said, J.P. can be quite the sell-out. If enough fans throw fits, Fax may return. I don't know, though. For now, all I can say is...At least it can live on in Fanfiction.

Just one more point.

Fang: What?

Me: Avian Flu, though I have tried to get it to at least kind of follow along with the book, will never switch from Fax to Mylan. Never.

Fang: Good to know.

Me: And now, one final book prediction.

I honestly am thinking J.P. may...End the world. I'm seeing an apocolypse in the last book. I'm seeing destruction. Chaos. I'm seeing the human race being depleted, the mutants slowing taking over, Dr. Xavier adding a couple additions onto his school...

I'm seeing it all go out with a bang.

And it ain't gonna be pretty, folks.

So, to sum it all up, I bet you're wondering...All in all, what did we think?

Fang: Let's start by saying, it was better than The Final Warning.

Me: Fang, everything is better than The Final Warning.

Fang: True.

Me: Well, it wasn't...Horrible. I don't know how to put it. It was both an improvement and a mess. I like it and can't stand it. I think, if J.P. keeps up the work, he may be able to end the series without it being a complete fail. He's just got to stick with an idea rather than jumping around so much.

But... It's just not the old Maximum Ride. It's not the Flock like they used to be. Back when I was fourteen and looking for something to relate to. When I was seventeen and needed that extra shove. Then, there was Maximum Ride. Now... Well, change happens. The series couldn't just go down the same old route forever.

And now, it's ending.

I know there's been debate about the series. I've hung around on both sides of the fence. For a while lately, I was on the side of ending the series. I thought it had gone on too long and J.P. was just writing for the money. And, at times, I still think that. But now, as it really is coming to a close...

I wish it wouldn't.

Less face the facts, people. I've lived and breathed this series for years. I've come to love these characters. Enough to kidnap one, even. This series gave me my start in writing. Because of Maximum Ride, doors have been opened for me that never would have. I've met amazing people merely through being such a part of this fanbase. I don't know what my life would be if I hadn't sat down in Study Hall and written the first chapter of MangaFlock. A lot less interesting, definitely.

The end of the series is the end of an era. It's...Sad. The fanbase will still be here, and Fanfictions will still thrive, I'm sure. But, without a new book in our future...What will happen then?

Besides looking forward to...The movie. (Did anyone else notice that Robert Pattinson's name was mentioned in the book? Honestly, J.P.?)

I don't know. The only thing I can say is that, with every ending, there is usually a new beginning waiting to happen. What will that be? I don't know. For some people, the end of the series may merely mean moving on to the next thing. Or re-reading and writing. But for those of us who have lived and breathed it, those insane few, we've gotta start figuring out where we go from here.

I'm not sure what my next step will be, but, if I may quote a Shania Twain song I love...

It can only go Up from here.

Don't wanna see you go, but it's not forever, not forever.

Even if it was, ya know that I would never let it get me down.

'Cause you're a part of me that makes me better wherever I go

And I will try not to cry, but no one needs to say goodbye.

Fang: So, after that review, we realized that...This isn't much of a poetry corner.

Me: Also, after the seriousness of the last book, combined with my parting final words above..Damn, we need some humor.

Fang: So, we give to you...The return of Poetry.

Second to last ANGEL has been.

Next thing we'll see is The End.

The series will go out, but so will we

With the biggest bang that will ever be!

Me: Let's get some good old fashioned Poetry Corner stuff here!

I think Dylan would be better

If he and Maya were together

Dylan and Maya would make 'Daya'

And would make Mylan Die-a!

Fang: Well, if we're discussing Dill-Weed...

Dylan's face makes me want to gag

I could find more beauty in an old hag

A face that could only be induced by Avian fever

Looks a lot like Justin Bieber.

Spiffy: Let us in on this!

Pooky: Yeah, we haven't made an appearance in a while!

Me: Hop to it, boys!

The good thing Dylan and Max hath wrought

Is a pairing our Lady hath sought.

With Maximum clearly out of the way

We can validate Saint and Fang's wedding day!

Fang: ...Or not.

Me: Guys, leave Fang alone...

Spiffy: Oh, that's it! CODY!

Cody: We're staging an intervention.

Me: Right now?

Pooky: Yes, now. Let's face the facts, you two.

Fang: What facts?

Cody: You asked...

There's more going on than meets the eye

With the magician and the boy in the sky

Out of reach of J.P.'s unscrupulous mind

There's more than an average friendship to find.

Fang: I think I know where this is going...

Me: Me, too... -glares-

Spiffy: You sleep in the same bed!

Pooky: You go everywhere together!

Cody: You have the same interests!

Spiffy: You can finish each other's sentences!

Pooky: You're always in tune with each other'e feelings!


Spiffy and Pooky: -glare-

Cody: Heh...Or, ya know, you're just so danged cute with each other!

Me: -groan-

Fang: -facepalm-

Spiffy: Look, either you guys are totally into each other...

Pooky: Or we're seriously worried about your mental health.

Spiffy: I mean, we are anyway, but this is a whole different level.

Me: ...Are you trying to tell me to...Date Fang?

Pooky: Why not? He's now available. Officially.

Spiffy: And he's, well, always here.

Pooky: I mean, the way you two act, YOU could be HIS 'perfect other half', Saint.

Spiffy: Yes! That's a great idea! Make Saint canon!

Me: ...There is no way I'm supporting that. That would be the single greatest way to look just like Adam, with an ego the size of Alaska.

Pooky: Face it, it fits...

Fang: It does NOT fit! That's like saying Saint is the female form of Dylan.


Spiffy: Just compare your relationship to Dylan and Max's.

Do you finish each other's sentences? Yes.

Does one of you complain saying he/she dislikes the other? Yes.

But yet, do you still spend insane amounts of time together? Yes.

Does the other use humor and sarcasm to constantly try to get the other's attention, even if it means annoying the other? Yes.

Does that same person openly have a crush on the other? Yes.

Cuddle up to each other for no known reason? Yes.

One has seemed to grow on the other over time? Yes.

Protective of each other? Yes.

Can work together like you're one perfect unit? Yes.

Have had people write Fanfictions about your possible relationship? Yes.

Have a pairing name for your relationship? Yes.


Fang: WE GET IT!

Me: Still, that doesn't mean a thing. Well, except that I may have found another thing J.P. could possibly rip off from me...

Fang: Ok, so the friendship that Saint and I have has...similarities.

Me: But that doesn't mean I'm his 'perfect other half'.

Fang: And, Hell, even if it did, that wouldn't mean anything.

Me: 'Cause it's not like I'm going to start singing to Fang and sticking rosebuds in his face.

Fang: And I'm not going to be mooning over Saint anytime soon.

Me: Or running off to have babies with him.

Fang: In a cabin.

Me: Or in a box.

Fang: Or with a fox.

Me: Or with a mouse.

Fang: Or in a house.

Me: I would not do him here or there.

Fang: I would not do her anywhere.

Both: We are not perfect matches, Sam I Am...PSYCH!

Spiffy: They just finished each other's sentences and spoke in unison...

Pooky: To prove they're not perfect matches. That worked well...-eyeroll-

Me: Hey, we've known each other a while now. It happens.

Fang: You guys are reading way too much into us...

Me: Trust me, I don't need a relationship intervention, guys.

Spiffy: Hey, Saint, we're just saying. You're not exactly big on the dating scene, so this could be your chance. I mean, it's either this, or you could always do like that anonymous reviewer on Me, Max, and a Dog Kennel said and have Matt's babies.

Fang: o_0


-please stand by-




-thank you for standing by-

Eliza: Welcome to intermission!

Cody: This is where we OCs hang out while we wait for Saint to need us or something...

Justin: Pretty cool digs we've got, too. Like our slushie machine, for instance.

Otto: But we've got so much more than that, here. While Saint and... -takes a quick look at a security camera monitor- Fang, it seems, team up to make Spiffy wish he'd never been born, we're going to do something that, well, could possibly put us in the same place as old Spif' down there, but is so worth it.


Eliza: Leak quotes from...Well, a whole bunch of yet-to-be-published Saint work. Stories that haven't even been mentioned yet. Maybe even...The Angsty Fic...

-ooos and ahhhs- -les gasps-

Cody: So...Without further adieu...

From the Unpublished 'Celebrity Jeopardy' fic: Cinderella: Oh, I'll choose 'Skype Crew Members' for...400!

Fang: Joyous...

Amanda: -cough-Shameless Plug-cough-

Me: -kicks Amanda-

Fang: This Skype Crew Member is best known as 'The Damn Floridian'.

Harry: -buzzes in- VOLDEMORT!

Fang: Voldemort is not a Skype Crew Member...Nor does he reside in Florida.

Harry: That's what he wants you to think...

From an Unpublished fic merely marked 'Death of Brigid': "I know, I know. Left for our own good, blah, blah, blah. But look at what happens when you go off on your own. You stick bullets in people."

From an Unpublished Chapter of Fang's Journal: "You can too!" I yelled back. I was beginning to get a little upset here. Nervous. "You have to! If you keep me here, it's...It's...Kidnapping! That's what it is! I've been kidnapped!"

"You have not-" She started to say.

"Kidnapping!" I yelled out. "Kidnapper!"

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'm a kidnapper. Whatever helps you sleep at night."

From an Unpublished Fic labelled 'Mating Season': "Big Bird could be my daddy."

From the 'Murder Mystery Fic': "Head for the light!"

"Aren't we usually supposed to not 'go towards the light'?"

"I think this is different."

From an Unidentified Oneshot: "Welcome to the Afterlife, Fang, you're dead!"

From the One...The Only...The Angsty Fic: "Hmmmm...Let's see. You've found someone who'll pay big bucks for me? You have deluded yourself into thinking I'll help you with World Domination? You're a harmonica addict and you heard I play well?"

From...A Sequel Coming Soon to a Fanfiction Near You: "So, has she come up with a plan to plug up cow's butts so their farts won't pollute the earth yet?"

Eliza: Oh, we got the word! Intermission is over!

Otto: But thanks for tuning in!

Cody: Catch ya on the flip side!

-Now Back to Our Regular Programming-

Me: -banging head repeatedly against a wall-

Fang: Saint, I don't think that's helping.

Me: You wanna bet? -headwalls-

Fang: Saint...

Me: My OCs are staging interventions. -headwall- Anonymous reviewers are trying to get me knocked up. -headwall- Quotes from my stories are being leaked. -headwall- My most beloved series is coming to a close. -headwall- I have to work in the morning. -headwall- I have homework. -headwall- I think my tonsils are infected. -headwall-

Fang: ...You're kidding me.

Me: Or, I've got mono or something.

Fang: Or...You're cold just isn't completely gone yet.

Me: Hopefully...

Fang: We need to go to bed.

Me: Yeah...

Fang: ...

Me: ...

Fang: Heh...

Me: Yeah...

Fang: Mmhmm...

Me: OK! We've been sleeping in the same overlarge bed for over a year now. We will not start feeling awkward now!

Fang: Right.

Me: None of what they said means, well...

Fang: Anything.

Me: Nothing at all.

Fang: Nada.

Me: Zip.

Fang: Zilch.

-quietly staring at each other-

Me: We're duct taping Spiffy and Pooky's mouths.

Fang: Agreed.

-thunder booms-

Fang: ...That's starting to creep me out.

Me: Yeah...I may have crossed one too many fictional/non-fictional boundaries here...

Fang: Which means?

Me: We...Might have to call Mount Olympus for back-up. And the Cullens. Sparta. Possibly Seba Nile, Officer Morelli, and Lord Elrond, too.

Fang: ...Is freeing me really that bad?

Me: ...Could be. Never really thought about it. I mean, the world didn't implode when I brought you here in the first place, so I figured maybe the Powers That Be didn't care.

Fang: Could you have figured wrong?

Me: It happens now and again, I guess.

-thunder rumbles menacingly-

Me: Let's...Uhhh...Wrap this up so I can cast a protective spell around the house.

Fang: Crap...


39. Chapter 39: Getting Out of Dodge

Announcments are what we have to make

Before any leave we can take.

Where we go may interest thee.

And if it doesn't, well, bite me!

Me: Yes, a Poetry Corner update, folks!

Fang: Be amazed... It's a rare sighting.

Me: -eyeroll- We've actually been working on a new chapter of PC, but I've had trouble finishing it. And now, with the current state of things, I may need to just rewrite it.

Fang: But we'll get on with the Poetry Corner and let you in on all that in a bit.

Me: So, to start off... Let's see... Oh, Aragorn!

Fang: -facepalm- No.

Me: Aragorn, from Lord of the Rings, my on-again, off-again bodyguard has been reinstated to guard our bodies after that last run-in with the Powers That Be.

Fang: -.- Like he can fight them.

Me: He can keep an eye out. Right, Aragorn?

Aragorn: -playing with blender- How does this strange device work? -turns it on- AHHHH! -throws through window-

Me: -facepalm-

Fang: Sure... In other news, we have three, yes, three vacations in the works.

An island of Maine's coast is our first spot.

Followed by Arizona, which is hot.

Then a repeat of Disney Affie.

This time we take Nick to see Mickey and Daffy.

Me: Nothing else really rhymes with 'Affie', does it?

Fang: Taffy.

Me: Yeah... So, to explain, on Monday the fifteenth, Fang and I will be heading off with my birthmom (remember, I'm adopted.), Stephanie, my nephew, and Stef's friend, Kevin to an island off the coast of Maine for a week of camping, swimming, hiking, biking and more.

Fang: Good news, we get a break from our insane lives, get to spend time with Saint's nephew (who INSISTS on calling me 'Uncle Fang'.), and get to spend time outdoors. Oh, and free food!

Me: -.- You would.

Fang: :D

Me: Bad news... No internet, no cell phone service, basically no civilization.

Fang: Well, there is internet at a small cafe on the island, but we'd have to bike there.


Fang: Some people believe the lack of technology may be for Saint's own good.

Me: No Fanfiction, no Tumblr, no Yahoo, no Facebook, NO FARMVILLE!

Fang: Yep, definitely for her own good.

Me: I can't even tweet. Can't text anyone. What did I do to deserve torture?

Fang: -facepalm- Don't worry, I will make sure she survives and we'll be back in a week.

Me: The horror...

Fang: Moving on, our next little vacation will (hopefully) be to Arizona at Thanksgiving.

Me: My sister, Joanne, has planned a family trip for us all to go out there and see my grandparents on Thanksgiving.

Fang: This is an awesome plan, except... It's Thanksgiving.

Me: And my Gram will not tolerate us being gone on Thanksgiving.

Fang: We're actually pretty sure she's gonna throw a fit.

Me: Needless to say, we haven't told her yet.

Fang: We've been having some... Interesting times with Saint's Gram.

Me: My Gram is just having a hard time with being alone.

Fang: She calls you five times a day, minimum.

Me: Fang-

Fang: We've had to cancel plans with friends because Gram 'needed' you to come down. Then, we sat in her apartment and watched TV.

Me: She's just-

Fang: When she doesn't get her way, she cries and guilt-trips you until you either do what she wants, or you two get into a fight that gets you upset for the rest of the day.

Me: Fang, she-

Fang: She never cares what you're doing, who you're with, or how you're feeling. You tell her you're running errands, with friends, tired and going to bed, she insists you stay on the phone to hear about what happened on Deal or No Deal or who went off in the ambulance today.

Me: Fang, she's an old woman who lost her daughter and I'm all she's really got left.

Fang: And she's clinging to you like duct tape.

Me: Ok, so dealing with my Gram has been a stressful battle of patience and morals lately. Moving on...

Fang: Well, we're going back to Disney in January.

Me: Affie needs another vacation.

Fang: Staying seven days at Animal Kingdom Lodge, not counting arrival and departure days.

Me: And, best of all... Nick's coming with us this time!

Fang: Nick, Fnick, Rick, and Sick go to Disney.

Me: With Affie.

Fang: So, it's 11:00 at night, and Saint and I have to get some sleep, so we're gonna make once last announcement.

Me: One very last and important announcement...

It's been a blast, this year and a half

But I've observed and done the math.

I believe it's time we get out of Dodge.

And find ourselves a new place to lodge.

Fang: We recieved a most... Interesting proposal from our co-worker, Niki, the other day...

Me: The offer is amazing. We will get free room and board, plus free use of all their utilities if we move in and I become live-in nanny to Zia, Niki's oldest daughter. Fang has to watch her sometimes, too, but he refuses to be called 'nanny'. -.-

Fang: By the way, they will be paying us to watch Zia.

Me: So we'd get paid to live there, basically.

Fang: By the way, those of you who've read Day of House Calls, Niki is engaged to Jay, who's the guy Saint had a battle with on Mt. Olympus.

Me: Anyway, we gave it much thought and have decided... It's the best choice.

Fang: Especially since Amanda is quitting the farm, as well as Rachel and Jessica.

Me: Rachel and Jess and heading back home and they'll be hiring someone else to stay here with Grammy and Grampy.

Fang: So, when we return from our week on the island, we start the packing and moving process.

Me: And say goodbye to the farm.

Fang: And hello to two jobs plus college starting back up.

Me: Good news, though... Watching Zia, from what I hear, is easy. so...

Fang: More time to write.

Me: Here's to the future!

Fang: ...Now to just tell Jay and Niki about the wings.

Me: 0.o Shit.

-Saint and Fang

40. Chapter 40: Island Insanity

Fang: The below poetry corner chapter chronicles our trials and tribulations camping on an island with Saint's nephew and birthmom.

Me: Be warned. Contains: Whining.

Fang: Also, yes, the island was in Maine. We've decided to tell you that much. And no, despite your guesses, you still don't know if Saint lives there or not. :P

Me: Someday, someday... When I publish a book, you will know all...

Fang: Or she'll get really bored one day.

Me: -eyeroll-

We are on an island in Maine,

Which is anything but plain.

It's a big change from our norm.

All we need now is a storm.

Me: Island adventure, day 1.

Fang: Where the F- -K are we?

Me: It's an island. No internet, no cell phone service, just us and the great outdoors... WHERE THE F- -K ARE WE?

Fang: So, dear readers, we just arrived at the cabin we'll be staying at with Saint's birthmom, Stef, her nephew, Anthony, and Stef's boyfriend, Kevin.

Me: After Fang and I had to ride our bikes in the rain because Kevin forgot to put the bike rack on his car.

Fang: So, now we're sitting in a cabin, wet and cold, trying to have lunch.

Me: They're suggesting going for a hike. In the rain.

Fang: When it rains, Saint holes up inside with a book or her laptop.

Me: Well, let's go eat lunch and socialize, and we'll get back to this later.

A quarry to swim is where we went.

Well, all but Saint who stayed on land.

When on our way back to cabin and tent,

Tragedy took us by the hand.

Fang: So, we went to some rock quarry to go swimming. It was raining, but even I managed to kind of dip in mid-flight.

Me: That old "adopted former genetic experiment" story really works in a pinch.

Fang: Especially on Mountain Man Kevin.

Me: I didn't go swimming. I don't do cold.

Fang: It was all great until Kevin was like, "This is where people come to swim naked!"

Me: Fang's face was priceless.

Fang: Anyway, walking back on the road, we happened to spot a dog walking along.

Me: Anthony freaked. Wanted to help the dog.

Fang: But Stef and Kevin said no. That he was probably fine.

Me: Cue moral dilemna of wanting to help the dog myself, but knowing Stef and Kevin aren't really going to let me, either. It sucked majorly. Anthony cried all the way home and I beat myself up for not doing anything, even though there's really not much I could do. Gah.

Fang: Now we're going to walk to town. Oh, and ask the camp owner about the dog for Anton.

Me: Over and out.

Me: Back for a moment before we head to town to rant about what an idiot I am, since I'm out in the freaking Boondocks and can't even text Skits or Matt to cheer me up. Found out about two problems caused by my own scatter-brained stupidity.

1. Forgot to pass in the paper that registers me for my college classes this semester. It's sitting in the back of my car. If I don't get back before registration ends, (whenever that is) I'm screwed for this semester. No classes for Saint. Smooth...

2. Left my cell phone charger behind. No pics, no trying to get service, nothing. Phone's almost dead now.

Damn it.

And now people are trying to make me feel better. I just had Stef go, "Oh, are you writing about all you forgot in your journal?" and ruffle my hair. What am I? Five?

Not when I'm in a bad mood, woman.

I want to go back to civilization. Now. I'll come back someday when I'm not having a crisis. Right now, I just want to go home and fix all my screw-ups.

Dear Stef and Kevin,

Anthony's the 9-year-old. Fang and I are 20. So, we'll decide when we wanna brush our teeth, 'kay?

Lovest, Saint and Fang.

Sleep is for the tired.

But when your brain is wired,

Sleep will bring no rest,

But put you to the test.

Me: Morning, folks! Life in the wilds, take two!

I woke up before everyone else and, frankly, I'm bored. I've read through two stories in my book, 'Young Warriors' and decided to update this log while I wait for Fang to wake up.

(Cute little thing he is, asleep. He's curled up next to me, wrapped in his wings, nestled into his pillows... Awww...)

Anyway, had an interesting dream.

Who remembers my prom date, Josh? Well, to catch everyone up, Josh was my date to prom senior year. He tried to kiss me there, something I suddenly realized I was not ready for, at least with him. Well, he pursued me like a starving wolf on a lone deer after that for awhile. I literally had to hide behind bookcases and sneak around the school to avoid him. He finally let me go, for a bit, but was soon after me again, shortly after graduation. He invited me out for breakfast once, where he tried to serenade me on his guitar.

He calls, texts, Facebook messages, asking, then demanding to know when I'm free next. I've made up dumb excuses as to why I can't hang out, and have moved on to avoiding him altogether. He still sends me Facebook messages and calls me, leaving voicemails.

Yeah, I realized I should've just talked to him. Well, screwed that up. Besides, something about him just... Scares me sometimes.

So, in my dream, I met up with Josh at a gas station. First, he hugged me, like usual, but, when I tried to gently back away his eyes filled with anger and he aimed a punch at me. I infomed him, if he laid a hand on me, his name would be mud.


Oh, Fang's up. As is Anthony.

Fang: What are you writing about?

Me: Dreamed about Josh.

Fang: Josh? Rip, maim, kill...

Me: -eyeroll-

Fang: So... Breakfast?

Me: We'll see...

Fang: Just here for a quick run-down of our morning. So far, we've been ordered around, treated like little kids, and told to change our clothes multiple times.

Saint's starting to twitch in that scary way she has...

We never seem to have the right clothes or be doing the right things. It's insane.

"You don't wanna wear that. Here, borrow this."

"I'd rather have you wearing this."

I feel like freaking Ken and Barbie right now...

Saint's now in someone else's ball cap, waiting to get someone else's beach shoes, in the shirt she didn't want to wear, in shorts she hates, and has a bathing suit she'd rather leave behind under it. I'm in some idiotic t-shirt, another ball-cap, waiting for more borrowed shoes. They insisted it would be 'better' for the canoe trip we're taking.

Saint and I would have rather dealt with the clothes we were wearing.


Ok, I think I whined enough.

Just... Honestly, could we pick out our own clothes? And maybe they could stop ordering us around; telling us what to do and how.

We are 20, after all.

Me: Other people's shoes are gross.

Fang: Very gross.

Swimming in a quarry of rocks

Can be a school of hard knocks.

At least that's what dear Fang found out.

Aw, look at the bird-kid pout!

Fang: Shut up.

Me: We went swimming and Fang fell in showing off.

Fang: Not my fault the rock was slippery...

Me: Anyway, I'd like to apologize for the whining in the last couple entries. I've thought about it, and I think the annoyance we've been feeling was brought on both by worrying about those college papers and the fact that Stef and Kevin treat us like we're little kids at times.

Fang: In case you didn't guess, the swimming trip went well... For someone...

Me: Still annoyed, but dealing.

Fang: Now we're heading into town-


Fang: -facepalm-

Me: Short update. Just about to have dinner. Tired as Hell.

Fang: After our romp around town, we went to some music thing at 'The Grange'...

Me: Not Fang's thing.

Fang: Now we're getting the tent ready to sleep in with Anton.

Me: Gah...

Fang: Not Saint's thing.

Me: But good news... We're in MUCH better moods! :)

Fang: And... We gotta go. They need help with the tent.

Me: Gah, wilderness...

Fang: -lol-

Red ant bites.

My nephew smites.

But they're not bad.

Just a little mad.

Me: Morning, Mainland!

Fang: It's foggy.

Me: It happens.

Fang: Was supposed to be sunny.

Me: -whacks- Anyway, slept in a tent with Anthony last night. Was fine 'till morning. Woke up with a faceful of wing.

Fang: And a very scared nephew.

Me: This was my morning...


Fang: -wakes up-

Anthony: -cowering in corner-

Fang: What's up, Anton?

Anthony: Uncle Fang! Red ants!

Fang: Red ants? -whacks Saint with wing- Saint!

Me: -wakes up- What the heck, you little-

Fang and Anthony: Red ants!

Me: -.- My knights in shining armor...


Me: I'll give Fang points. After I picked up one of those red ants on my finger, he helped me get them out, no problem.

Fang: -.-

Me: But Anthony has a fear of them...

Fang: He'll get over it.

Me: Or turn into you.

Fang: -.-

Me: Anyway, we're heading into town... And might be near...



Fang: Amazing what she considers 'civilization'...

Berries, berries, everywhere.

But we were not without care.

Little Anton took a spill.

For no one was it a thrill.

Me: So, after reaching civilization, we went for an island hike.

Fang: Saint checked e-mails, tumblr, twitter...

Me: Anyway, we picked berries, I collected seashells...

Fang: Anthony fell on his back on the rocks...

Me: Poor kid. He's alright, but it didn't feel too good.

Fang: The hike tired him out, too.

Me: Then he got yelled at by Kevin for using a pocket knife wrong.

Fang: And I had to hold Saint back before she opened a can of whoop-ass on Mountain Man.

Me: Another moral dilemna. My aunt instincts and Early Childhood teaching say to put Kevin in his place, but I'm not in a position to do anything. I mean, Kevin made him cry!

Fang: To explain, Kevin had given Anthony the pocket knife to cut his apple. Anthony used it wrong once and Kevin showed him the right way to use it. Anthony went to use it again. He started to make the same mistake, but just as he was going to correct it, as he'd been shown, Kevin spotted him and flipped out yelling, 'I SHOWED YOU HOW TO USE IT, AND YOU DIDN'T LISTEN!" He snatched the knife away and Anthony started crying. Steam shot out Saint's ears, I swear.

Me: On top of all that, Anthony got lectured for crying by Stef. Told him he needed to cut it out, then she took him for a walk to tell him why he needed to learn patience with Kevin.

Fang: I think Kevin needs to learn patience with Anton. Or step back. Way back.

Me: Now, Anthony's told me Kevin called him fat, too. But I have no proof of that... Damn...

Anthony doesn't like him and I don't think he's my type of guy, either. Much too gruff and impatient, not to mention cheap. But Stef likes him so I try to be... Understanding. I know he's not used to kids, so I try to cut him a little slack. Still...Gah...

Fang: I think Kevin reminds Saint and I too much of her dad.

Me: -shudders- Dad, pre-divorce era.

Fang: Let's move on... Saint bought artwork.

Me: Little kids selling picturesc made from colored sand and glue on the side of the road. Fifty cents.

Fang: Saint can't pass up cute kids.

Me: If you're too cheap to give a kid fifty cents to brighten their day, you need your priorities checked.

Fang: Well, I feel like a walk.

Me: You don't look like one.

Fang: -.-

Me: Ok, ok, let's go.

Me: Just need to save some Anthony quotes...

"Dogs pee for a reason, you know."

"I've been meaning to ask you, well, I haven't really, but I have... Do you have a relationship with anyone right now?"

"I have a nice mom. She's really nice and fun, and a good baker, and funny... She's kinda like me."

"I have to e-mail mom to check on dad. He should be ok. Maybe. Just a few scratches and stuff."

"I have lots of best friends. I call them my mini back-up army."

Me: I have a quick rant. Stef and Kevin are these health food nuts types. You know, they take all these different supplements, eat all these 'ultra-healthy' foods. Like, they have this imitation cream cheese because it's 'healthier' than real cream cheese.

Fang: Which goes on whole-wheat all-natural crackers...

Me: And whenever they pull out these 'ultra-healthy' foods, they insist on telling you how good it is for you.

Fang: We live with some health food nuts at the farm. We didn't need more people trying to clean out our colons.

Me: Anyway, that's just a little rant leading to the main one. Stef is trying to figure out if she should give Anthony a calcium supplement because she heard it might calm him. She can't figure out why he won't calm down.

Fang: But, dear Stef, we know why...

Both: HE'S NINE!

Me: Le duh.

Fang: Gazzy was the same way.

Me: I'm surrounded by... I don't even know anymore...

I'm not sure of what to say

As I sit here by the bay.

I just know I have to rhyme.

Just don't know what to say this time.

Fang: So... Tired...

Me: Been a long day.

Fang: We walked around town.

Me: Saw seals,

Fang: Went swimming.

Me: Ate fish tacos.

Fang: Good day.

Me: Did a bit of shopping. Bought an otter stuffed toy, an owl-shaped timer for Amanda, taffy for Gram.

Fang: We called Gram. Got reprimanded for not calling her sooner. :P

Me: Saw harp seals.

Fang: Anthony got a lego boat and made two new friends. Oh, Saint bought books. Of course. -eyeroll-

Me: :P

Fang: I, uh, bought soda.

Me: And a toy boat. That he raced against Anthony's lego boat.

Fang: -.- Let me relive the childhood I never had...

Me: Anyway, a quick note before bed. Something funny. Kevin and Stef know I want to be a writer, but... They think I'm writing... NON-FICTION!

Fang: Hilarious.

Me: As interesting as my autobiography might be, I don't see me publishing the poetry corner anytime soon.

Fang: They think this notebook is just our journal.

Me: Like I don't have pieces of Avian Flu, No Longer Hatchlings, and my NaNoWriMo story, Double-Edged Sword in here.

Fang: Yeah... -yawns-

Me: Bedtime.

Fang: Whatever.

Fang: I would just like to comment... Maybe Saint should never raise boys. I prove my point with these quotes, which have been said after staying in a cabin with Anthony and Kevin for a week.

"What is with that boy (Anthony) and guns? And killing things? And... Bodily functions?"

"I give up, I'm not seeing it. What does this kid find so exciting about peeing in a bucket?"

"You offer to pee in a bucket and you're out of this bed. There's Kara's ocean over there. I'd rather you pee there. It's outside."

"You think Kevin knows what a razor is?"

...Ok, I'll be honest. I get Anthony but Kevin's starting to gross me out. Could he take that bucket outside, at least?

Old men...

Oh, jeez... I'm not gonna be this gross when I'm old, am I?

Crap... That sounded kinda gay...


Me: Well, Fang's having a mini-breakdown right now. Claims being around me is lowering his testosterone levels. -headshake- Every guy and girl is different, no one perfectly fits the stereotypes of either gender, thank God.

You know, like how everyone seems to thinkI want to find a boyfriend and get married.


"Well, if you want to own horses, maybe someday you'll marry someone who owns horses!"

Or, you know, I might get my own damn horses.

Dapper disapproval.

Dear God,

Stop trying to teach me a lesson through the many complaint of my cranky nephew. I get it, I get it.

Love, Saint.

Fang: Saint's a little unhappy. Her nephew complained all the way about having to carry a box all the way home. And finally, despite Saint's best encouragement and the fact we were so close to home, he gave up. Saint had to carry his box for him. Saint doesn't like it when people quit on her.

Eh, he's nine. He's tired. Saint needs to take a chill pill.

Me: Was complaining to Fang about Anthony quitting. Fang pulls out to where we wrote 'HE'S NINE!"

Ok, I get it. I fail.

Fang: Watching Saint eat lobster is like watching a pack of wild hyenas tear apart a carcass. It could make grown men cry. Turn people into vegetarians. Turn vegetarians into mental patients. Turn mental patients... Sane.

Stephen King could probably write some horror book based off of it.

No wonder I have issues...


Fang: Saint's so anxious to get moving. Everyone's taking their time packing and Saint just wants to MOVE!

Me, I'm just hanging out with the notebook... Staying out of trouble, already packed...

Me: Stole the notebook from Fang. I'd just like to sum up what I've learned on this trip.

I'm no city girl, but I'm not totally country-fied, either. My idea of camping involves an RV. And lots of hiking.

Anyway, 'getting away from it all' is all well and good for Stef, but me? I kind of like it all. I want to be involved in it all. There's really nothing for me to get away from. Maybe I don't need a vacation.


Though, I'm still not giving up Disney. :D

Fang: I've learned that we're a couple of whiners when you seperate us from civilization.

Living with Saint has kind of taken some of the survival instincts out of me.

Guess I need to get out more...


But I really like running water. And cell phones. And internet.

Ah, screw it.

Fang: On the ferry, heading for home.

Well, finally found out the reason for Saint's moodiness. I won't say much except...Midol...


I swear, her body is out to torture us both.


Boy, THAT came out wrong.

Me: At least you're not questioning your sexuality anymore. -wink wink-

Fang: -facepalm-

-Saint and Fang, heading home.

So we're back, after taking a little over a week to type up all that was in that notebook.

Fang: We wrote. A lot.

Me: And that's just talking about PC. All the possible updates...

Fang: If we ever finish moving.

Me: Yes, updates may take a little while... Gotta pack!

Fang: Like, now, Saint.

Me: Alright alright... Just so glad to be back in civilization.

Fang: Tell me about it.


41. Chapter 41: No Ironman, Just Wings

Me: Hey there, readers! Here to wish you a very Happy Halloween, of course.

Fang: From the girl dressed as a fallen angel turned emo eskimo hooker.

Me: At least I didn't go dressed as my bodyguard.

Fang: Aragorn actually liked the costume!

Me: You look like you're in a dress.

Fang: Still not a hooker.

Me: -.- Anyway, also a happy start of another NaNoWriMo!

Fang: Yay for National Saint Loses Her Mind Month!

Me: Yeah, yeah... Anyway, I figured I might as well get in one good update before that insanity hit, since I haven't had one in a while... Then, I realized I haven't really given an update on how our move has gone.

Fang: So, for anyone who might actually be curious, here comes the description of a very important day in our lives with Jay and Niki... The introduction to my wings.

Me: Quick cast of characters:

Jay: Co-worker at Subway. 42. Very cool. See: Day of House Calls.

Niki: Former co-worker. Engaged to Jay. Equal coolness.

Josh: Jay's son. 11. Here every other weekend. Does not sleep in a closet.

Zia: Niki's daughter. 5. Lives here full-time.

Jaime: Niki's other daughter. 3. Only here on weekends.

Salem: Their cat.

Niki, Josh, Jaime, Zia and Jay.

Enough for one apartment, some might say.

But they were kind enough to let in two more.

I guess that's what friends are for.

-all are preparing for Jay and Niki's anniversary dinner... Also the first time we'll all be in the house together.-

Me: Fang, jeez, could you get out of the kitchen for a bit?

Fang: But... It smells like real food in here!

Niki: You'll get to eat soon, Fang, chill!

Zia: You can come play with me and Jaime in my room!

Josh: I was actually gonna invite him to play a video game in the closet with me.

Niki: Josh!

Josh: Well, it is a closet!

Me: It is not. It's got windows.

Fang: It's a fancy closet.

Niki and I: -glare at Fang-

Fang: I, uh, mean... It's not a closet...

Me: For that, I'll go play the video game. You can play with the girls. -walks off with Josh-

Fang: -eyeroll- Fine. Alright, ladies, what're we doing?

Zia: Playing Dora the Explorer!

Jaime: Yay, Dora!

Fang: Lovely...


Me: -heading into my room- I just need to get something, Josh. How about you go save Fang? Looks like they wrapped him in the Dora blanket.

-closes door- -sighs-

To speak to this dastardly duo, I must.

They are of the few whom I can trust.

Spiffy and Pooky, lend me your ears.

Come and vanquish the worst of my fears.

Spiffy and Pooky: -appear-

Spiffy: You called, Lady Saint?

Pooky: Come on, we were playing Kitty Cannon with Andrew!

Spiffy: -elbows Pooky- What can we do for you?

Me: We need to introduce Fang's, ah, special circumstances tonight. Any suggestions?

Pooky: Tell them he's an alien.

Me: Pook...

Spiffy: Tell them he's your guardian angel.

Me: -.- Spiffy...

Pooky: I like the last excuse. Experimented on as a child. Adopted by your mom. Government program. Blah, blah, blah, gets 'em every time.

Me: I just don't want to screw this up, guys.

Spiffy: You've got this, my lady. No worries.

Pooky: Or, if you don't, just pull out some magical fanfictioness and scare them into submission.

Spiffy: Or live in your car.

Me: -.- Thanks, guys.

Fang: -knocks on door- You ever coming out?

Me: Nah. -magics Spiffy and Pooky away- Gonna stay in here and meditate.

Fang: -opens door- Come on, Saint, let's go. We've got... An announcement to make.

Me: If you're asking me to marry you, we already did that,


Me: -gasps- You're taking me where the cheese is?

Fang: Cut it out!

Me: You're taking me to the Yule Ball?


Me: Of course I am. Come on, let's go to dinner.

-at dinner-

Niki: -serving the food- Ok, we'll give the girls smaller portions, Josh, you're getting that much, don't complain, you can get more if you're still hungry, Jay, Saint and I can serve ourselves, and Fang can just have the serving bowls.

Fang: Really?

Me: -whacks- No.

Fang: :(

Jay: Don't worry, we'll feed you. We wouldn't let you starve.

Niki: -pours sparkling cider for all-

Fang: Hey, a toast!

Me: -giggles- And you're not even drunk this time...

Fang: -.- Shut it. To Jay and Niki!

Josh: And food!

Me: To Gondor!

Fang: Saint...

Me: To Dumbledore!

Fang: Stop it...

Me: To Klaine!

Fang: Saint!

Jay: To Zeus!

Fang: -.- You're not helping...


Fang: -goes to throw cider at my face-

Me: OK, OK! I'll stop!


Jay: So, we'll move on to dessert in a bit. Think we'll just take a break for now...

Me: WAIT! I have an announcement to make!

Fang: -facepalm- Crap.

Me: -stands up- -pulls Fang up with me- First of all, we'd like to thank you guys for giving us a place to stay.

Niki: It's no problem, you guys. We like having you around.

Jay: We like you.

Me: Like corn!

Jay: You like corn.

Fang: Am I missing something?

Me: Better Off Dead. Good movie. Watch it. Anyway, because we're living here, we think it may be important to let you in on a... Secret, of sorts.

Fang: -sighs- -stares at ceiling-

Me: -.- You're a big help. So, Fang... As you know, my mom kind of adopted him into my family. I haven't completely explained the reason for his adoption, though. You see, his adoption was part of a... Government program...

Jay: S.H.E.I.L.D.?

Me: -.- Yes, Jay, Fang is the next Ironman. NO. He's-

Fang: I was used in some experiments in an illegal scientific facility that was shut down by the government in California after it was found to be conducting experiments on young children. It was kept quiet because of the types of experiments done and how it effected the test subjects.

Niki: That's terrible.

Jay: What did they do to you there?

Fang: It's... Not exactly something I like to talk about, but... They did do one thing that you should all be aware of...

Me: You might want to back up, Fang.

Fang: I got it. -takes of jacket- -hands to Saint- -steps back-

Josh: This is the part where he turns into Ironman, right?

Me: -eyeroll-

Jay: Shush.

Fang: -unfurls wings-

Niki: 0.o

Jay: 0.o

Josh: 0.o

Zia: Woah!

Jaime: -points- He's a birdy!

Me: Heh, this is even better then when we told the farm crew...

Fang: Heh... Yeah...

Niki: You've, uh... Got wings on your back.

Me: No shit.

Jay: They turned you into Bird-Man?

Fang: My DNA was spliced with a bird's before I was born.

Josh: That is so AWESOME! It's just like a movie!

Me: -muttering- Or a book...

Zia: Can you fly?

Fang: -nods- Yep.

Zia: I wanna fly!

Jay: I wanna know how you hid those under your Subway uniform. Training bra?

Fang: -.-

Me: Corset, actually.

Fang: Saint! NO! She's lying!

Niki: Oh, we're talking about his wings? Thought you were referring to the man-boobs.


Me: Nah, he's all muscle.

Fang: :D

Me: And no brains.

Fang: -.-

Me: Did I upset you, Turtle Dove?

Fang: A plague on you.

Me: You have to sleep in a room with me. If I get the plague, I'm taking you out with me.

Fang: ...Damn it.

Me: Hmmmm...

Fang: So, that was that.

Me: Ummm...

Fang: It went quite well, actually. Jay just-


Fang: -jumps- Saint! What the Hell?


Fang: Oh, dear Lord...

Me: I'll fix it!

Though this chapter's nearly done,

One more rhyme will add some fun!

Fang: -sigh-

No one cares, it's just a rhyme.

Can't we do this some other time?


No, no, Fang, this cannot wait.

This chapter's posting's already late.


November second, it's not that bad.

Besides, this rhyming's driving me mad!


Calm down, Fang, you're as dreary as a hearse.

Now shut up or I'll make you carry my purse.

Fang: Ok, let's just end this insanity.

Me: Over and out!


42. Chapter 42: In Which Fang is Rafiki

Fang: Saint, it's 2:38 in the morning.

Me: Yep.

Fang: Saint, you woke me up.

Me: You betcha.

Fang: Why?

Me: I NEED TO WRITE SOMETHING! ANYTHING! -headdesk- I'm totally writer's blocking! I haven't updated in a month! I HAVE NOTHING! I'M FALLING APART!

Fang: You're having a crisis of some sort. Go to bed. Sleep. You need time.

Me: I'VE TAKEN ENOUGH TIME! I haven't been able to regularily update anything since... Since... Since Mom passed away. My life has spiralled into a pale shadow of its former self. I never do anything really productive that I enjoy. I want my life back, Fang.

Fang: Well, take it back.

Me: ...Oh, that's helpful.

Fang: It is. You're the only one who can bring back your inspiration. Ummm... -sigh-

You are the key to your own success.

Only you can rediscover what you do best.

Take the reigns and drive yourself.

Just take pity on my mental health.

Me: So, what are you suggesting I do? Demand the Gods give me back my inspiration? Because I tried that, and Zeus said all the Muses were busy.

Fang: I'm saying just... Write, Saint. Even if you don't want to. Even if you're too tired. Even if you'd rather be trolling Tumblr. Write, damn it!

Me: I have no inspiration!

Fang: THEN READ! You know, that thing you used to do all the time that you don't do anymore.

Me: I have no time.

Fang: Make time.

Me: I can't.

Fang: Bullshit. You could be reading Fanfiction right now, but no! You're waking me up and making me type an argument with you so we don't wake Jay and Niki up with our fighting! And the computer screen light is hurting my eyes!

Me: Oh, poor baby.

Fang: Tell me about it, poor baby Saint is all whiny 'cause the world won't bend to her will.

Me: Don't mock me.

Fang: Can we just go to bed? This is ridiculous.

Me: Fine, whatever, go to sleep. I'll... I'll...

Fang: Read fanfiction?

Me: -.- Whatever...

Next day...

Me: Fang...

Fang: What?

Me: I'm sorry...

Fang: :) Sorry for...?

Me: The fact that you're a dumbfuck.

Fang: -.-

Me: Ok, seriously, I should just not be allowed to be up that late. I get emotional. Start questioning my life... Or lack thereof...

Fang: What are you questioning?

Me: If I'm ever going to be a writer. I don't write anymore, I don't read anymore. I don't do shit.

Fang: I'm telling you, you're just in a rut. You need to get your groove back or whatever. You just have to change.

Me: Change who I am? Great...

Fang: No, change who you've become. Somewhere in there is the Saint I know. Bring her back.

Me: ...Thanks, Rafiki.

Fang: Yeah, I almost kinda felt like breaking into song after that quote.

Me: Pretty sure we were almost Disney-fied there...

Fang: -shrugs- Heck, we're going back to Disney next month. Might as well.

Me: I want to visit the place, Fang, not become part of it.

Fang: Good point.


Fang: Niki got Tom on webcam again?



Me: Don't pick on Tom!

Fang: But it's fun to pick on the emo kid!

Me: Jeez, Fang, don't be so hard on yourself.

Fang: -.-

Me: So, back to my conundrum, Rafiki.

Fang: Follow old Rafiki, he knows the way!

Me: Now you're being a smartass...

Fang: In Upendi!

Me: Heh...

Fang: What?

Me: Sounds like 'In your panties'...

Fang: In your... Dear God, that changes the entire context of the song..

Me: In your panties! Where the passion fruit grows sweet! And it's so divine that you lose your mind as it sweeps you off your feet!

Fang: Yep, mind just entered the dark end of the gutter...

Me: Fang, what's in your panties?

Fang: I don't wear panties.

Me: Going commando? -eyebrow wiggle-

Fang: NO! Boxers, Saint, sheesh.

Me: What's in your boxers?

Fang: Me.

Me: What part of you?

Fang: My... Lower part... Jeez, Saint! Stop!

Me: Just making conversation.

Fang: -.- Let's get back to you.

Me: So, I've gone to look for myself.

Fang: Yep,

Me: If I should return before I get back please ask me to wait.

Fang: ...What?

Me: Nothing. Sign Mom used to have in her beauty shop...

Fang: You miss Mum?

Me: No shit, Sherlock.

Fang: Maybe,,, Write something for her?

Me: Like what?

Fang: She's your mom.

Me: I never even let her read my fanfictions... Who does that?

Fang: Tons of people. No one lets there moms read their fanfictions.

Me: Not me. She really wanted to read them, too.

Fang: Well, read them to her.

Me: Fang, you're gonna make me start sobbing with this conversation.

Fang: Just trying to help.

Me: I know, I know... Gah...

Fang: Jay'll be home in about twenty minutes. And we're hogging his kitchen table space.

Me: It'll take him longer than that. Always does.

Fang: Why don't you try to write something now?

Me: What?

Fang: Let's see you write something right now, in front of everyone!

Me: An AVPS reference? Really?

Fang: Saint can't write, Saint can't write, Saint cannot write!

Me: Fang...

Fang: She only reads books and she cannot write, even if she was reading a How to Write book!

Me: OK!

Once upon a time there was a pony named Fang. Fang was highly addicted to sugar cubes. He was always trotting down the street, space out, popping sugar cubes from his feed bag. But one day, Fang went too far. He took so many of those little white babies he tripped out and went galloping through the streets, kicking old ladies into gutters and humping the legs of postal workers. He was finally caught by authorities as he was biting the head off of a garden gnome. He was taken into custody where he slowly came off of his sugar high. Fang quickly fell into depression as he sat alone in his cell. No one would bail him out, he was having sugar cube withdrawals and had realized he had thrown away his little pony life. But, just as he was considering hanging himself with his little pony bridle in his cell, he was bailed out of jail by a beautiful fairy named Valencia. Valencia took Fang to her fairy home and nursed him back to health, getting him off of those horrible sugar cubes, putting him on a strict apples, grain, and grass-only diet, and turning him into an upstanding hooved citizen. One day, Fang asked the fairy how he could ever thank her. The fairy revealed that she had an evil twin brother named Voldemort who was a dark wizard and was trying to kill many good people. She asked Fang to go to a boy named Harry Potter and find a way to help him defeat her evil brother. Fang travelled far and wide until he came to the castle in which Harry went to school. As he trotted about the grounds, looking for the boy, he came across a strange, young blonde man crawling around on the ground. Fang stopped to talk to the boy, but all that the boy would tell him was that he had just learned to use the potty. Moving on, Fang finally found Harry sitting by a lake, playing his guitar. Upon revealing who he was, Harry accepted his new Pony friend immediately, singing a song for him. Harry brought the pony to Dumbledore, the Headmaster, who quickly found the pony a job working with the groundkeeper, Hagrid, in order to stay close to Harry and protect him. Eventually, the boy who learned to use the potty revealed to Voldemort how to enter Hogwarts castle. There was a great battle and Fang fought valiently, but it soon came to a climax as Harry and Voldemort faced each other in a wizard's duel. Fang stood by, helpless, sad that he could not help his friend. Then, Valencia appeared and granted Fang one wish. With a flash of light, Fang was turned from a pony into a real boy. He then grabbed a bow and arrow from a nearby centaur and used it to shoot Voldemort in the face. He and Harry hugged and skipped off together through Hogwarts, singing of the Days of Summer.


Fang: ...What the Hell?

Me: It's a masterpiece.

Fang: Are YOU tripping on something, Saint?

Me: I almost tripped on a shoe today.

Fang: -sigh-

Me: Oh! Jay'll be home soon!

Next Morning...

Fang: -yawns- Up on the computer?

Me: Just barely woke up. I feel ready to crash... Need coffee...

Fang: May I ask why you were getting calls at 5:40 a.m. last night?

Me: Amanda's car slipped on some ice on her way to work after her brakes failed and I guess she crashed into a sign or something.

Fang: 0.o Holy shit...

Me: She just wanted me to talk to her, I guess. Sounded really shaken. Would've offered to go get her, but if the roads are that icey, I'll probably just crash right next to her. Besides, she was in walking distance of her place.

Fang: Well, that's lovely. It's New Year's Eve. Wasn't she supposed to crash her car tonight, not this morning?

Me: She shouldn't be crashing it at all...


Me: Fang... It's 10:41, we've got places to go today, and I'm le tired...

Fang: I'm sorry. Don't stay up late watching Prince of Persia then.

Me: But it was interesting... I want a time dagger thing...

Fang: Because you don't have enough crap...

Me: I wonder if Prince what's-his-face needs any therapy...

Fang: You may not give people therapy in exchange for magical daggers.

Me: Why not? It's my therapy center.

Fang: Hey... Day of House Calls needs any update...

Me: Yeah...

Fang: Saint...

Me: Yeah! I know! I need to write! I'M WORKING ON IT!

Fang: You're always working on it.

Me: ...I have to pee.

Fang: -facepalm-

Me: This is quite the conversation we've had, isn't it?

Fang: It's something...

Me: It even has poetry in it... Hmmmm... You know, maybe I can fit in one more update for 2011...

Fang: Not a bad idea... Though the whole world will know you're having a mental breakdown. And that you have to pee.

Me: ...I can live with that.

Fang: Any last words, Saint?

Me: HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE! This year, I'm gonna try to pass a couple college courses, work my God-forsaken job and... Write. Read. Get back to being that nutcase I once was. I know I've said it a million times before, but this time it's different. I'm not happy with me anymore. I need to do something about it.

Fang: Happy New Year and... Hey, Saint? What about your contest?


Fang: Whoops, forgot about your unending frustration...

Me: Oh, Hell, I'll figure out something. One thing at a time!

Fang: And you need a haircut.


Fang: Better than soiling yourself.

Me: -.-

Fang: In your panties.

Me: ...I lose.


-Saint and Fang, heading into the new year.

43. Chapter 43: Guess Who's Back!

We hope our updates were worth the wait

It took longer than we thought to get to this date

Now it's the Poetry Corner's turn

We have much info for you to learn.

Me: Hello and welcome back to the Poetry Corner!

Fang: Took us long enough.

Me: That it did. Now, we have some poetic plans for this chapter, but first, a couple announcements.

Fang: Always with the announcements...

Me: Shush. It's the only way I can get news out. Anyway, let's start with the matter that's been most pressing on my mind. The Saint's Sequels Contest. I'm not even going to beat around the bush here. In case you can't guess:

The contest is cancelled. Indefinitely.

It was a complete failure from the start. I didn't have time for a contest, first of all. But second and most important


That contest was just so self-centered of me. Like, when did I get to thinking I was that cool that everyone would want to be in a contest based off of me and my fanfics? People liked me and my work, I let it go to my head, and I ended up with an ego to big for me to handle.

I've had time to think about that. I've had time to think about a lot of things. About my writing and how who I am, or more importantly, who I believe I am effects the writing I do.

I'm not a great writer. I'm not really anyone cool or important. Right now, I'm a fanfiction writer, I'm a fangirl, I'm a friend. That's who I am and that's who I need to be. I may write a book one day. I could be more than "fandom famous". But to allow myself to actually believe I'm better than others because of my skills, to let myself think I'm some sort of idol, that's ridiculous.

I will not be confusing ego for self-confidence again. Writing is what I'm good at. But it doesn't make me good.

So, my apologies. I'm sorry for never updating. I'm sorry for thinking and acting like someone I'm not. I'm sorry for starting a contest I never even should have had the idea for.

And I'm going to try to go back to just being your friendly neighborhood fanfiction writer.

Now, I'd love to make it up to all of my participants in the contest, both the entrants and judges. Thing is, I don't know what to do. I'm at a complete loss. So, I leave it up to the participants. If there's any way I could make it up to you, you just let me know and I'll be more than happy to oblige. I just can't go on with this contest.

Fang: That was all deep and emotional.

Me: I have these moments. May be my more artistic side.

Fang: ...You can't draw.

Me: Art is more than- Oh, forget it. Next announcement!

Fang: We had an announcement here concerning our Subway becoming a Quiznos, but we just found out today that we're staying a Subway, so moving on...

Me: Fang and I have a Tumblr account. stfangofboredom . tumblr . com. No spaces, obviously. We're on there every day posting and reblogging stuff related to Maximum Ride, Lord of the Rings, Glee, Harry Potter, The Avengers, and more. And, of course, stuff on our own little lives. It's loads of fun and feels so... Follow us? Like, we could seriously use some more MR fans to hang out with on there. They're few and far between and it's kinda lonely sometimes...

Fang: You should go stick stuff in our Ask Box. We love answering questions.

Me: We just want love.

Fang: We're so neglected.

Me: -eyeroll- Moving on... Any more announcements?

Fang: Ummm... Yes! It is a proven fact that Dylan is against gay marriage, voted for Rick Santorum, hates black people, picks on nerds, thinks it's better to watch the movie than read the book, doesn't like red vines, and clubs baby seals in his free time.

Me: ...Really, Fang?

Fang: Was that too much?

Me: Just a bit.

Fang: Damn...

Me: Let's get to the actually poetry part, shall we?

Violets are purple

Roses are pink

Of poetry lately

I don't often think

Fang: Obviously.

Me: Oh, I'm sure we can come up with something! We need some sort of theme... Prompt...

Fang: Something of interest...

Me: My obsession with crossover pairings?

Fang: Yeah, or not.

Me: But I love crossover pairings! Like you and Santana from Glee!

Fang: I could live with that.

Me: Or a threesome with CanniBlaine and Serial Killer Kurt!

Fang: Definitely no. I have a funny feeling that would not end well for me.

Me: You and Draco Malfoy.

Fang: Please no.

Me: You and Ginny Weasley.

Fang: Please yes.

Me: You and-

Fang: Any of these not about me?

Me: Igrofsky. That's-

Fang: Iggy and Karofsky from Glee. As featured in Songbird.

Me: Ah, Songbird... Great fic...

Fang: Any others?

Me: You and Quinn.

Fang: NOT ME.

Me: ...Igagorn.

Fang: Iggy and Aragorn.

Me: From Lord of the Rings.

Fang: That is probably the weirdest, most unlikely pairing I've ever heard of. It's just... Random and... Who would think of it... And...

Me: I've seen it happen.

Fang: You had to hire Aragorn as a bodyguard... Then introduce him to Skits' Iggy.

Me: Fun times.

Fang: Ok, any of these not me or Iggy?

Me: Max and Quinn would be an interesting match.

Fang: . . . .

Me: What?

Fang: I'm just... Imagining that...

Me: -facepalm-

Fang: Ok, so far we have... If I may create some pairing names myself... Fangtana, KillerKlaing, Drang, Finny, Igrofsky, Fuinn, Igagorn, Minn... Got anything else for me?

Me: Fembry and Neth!

Fang: Me and Embry and Nudge and Seth from Twilight.

Me: Correct!

Fang: Jeez...

Something I've noticed

Is it just me?

Or do most of these pairings

Feature some guy and me?

Me: Hmmm... Let me count... Nice poetry by the way.

Fang: Thanks.

Me: 1...2...3...Should I count the threesome as two?

Fang: If you want.

Me: That's only four!

Fang: As to... How many with me and a girl?

Me ...Three.

Fang: Still a majority.

Spiffy: Don't forget Sang!

Pooky: Also known as Faint.

Me: -eyeroll- When'd you guys get here?

Spiffy: Oh, we've been around. Discussing crossover pairings?

Me: Yep! I need to think of some new ones... Maybe some for Hunger Games.

Pooky: Mortal Instruments, too. Fang and Jace would make an interesting pair...

Fang: What do I have to do to prove I'm not gay?

Spiffy: Stop mooning over Darren Criss. That'll help.

Fang: I do NOT moon over Darren Criss! I like him as an actor and a singer. Doesn't mean I have a crush on him... Unlike Saint.

Me: Discussing my future husband, are we?

Fang: -facepalm-

Me: Well, I'll pose a question to the readers. Anyone else got any favorite crossover pairings you'd like to share? Or any I mentioned you'd like to see me write? I've been thinking about some of them...

Fang: Dear Lord... Can we move on to something else?

Me: Like what?

Fang: Like lunch. It's 1:14. I haven't eaten yet.

Me: -eyeroll- What a tragedy...

Spiffy: There's some pasta dish in the freezer.

Pooky: And hot wings!

Me: I'll see what I can cook up... God knows I can't trust the rest of you to do it.

Fang: Hey! I've gotten better! I can now make sandwiches and fry up hamburger meat!

Me: -eyeroll- We've got a regular Mario Batali here...

Fang: Who?

Me: Nevermind...


Fang: The pasta thing needed more chicken.

Me: Tell me about it...

Fang: Ok, we're sucking at this Poetry Corner updating thing.

Me: Agreed. We need to find something... Poetic that we can... Poetry-fy.

Fang: ...Whatever that means.

Me: Alright, that's it. We're going to go search through the house until we find something to write a poem about.

Fang: -sigh- Fine.

Me: And... GO!

-five minutes later-

Fang: I've got something!

Me: Let's have it then.

Fang: Right...

There is so much crap in this room

In here I could meet my doom.

Tripping on Barbie or strangled by clothes.

What could be hiding there? Nobody knows.

Me: Ah, Zia's room.

Fang: It's scary in there.

Me: Ok, I've got something, too.

Big black cat, sitting in a chair.

Covering it in long, thick hair.

You look so cute when you rest,

No one would know you're such a pest.

Fang: Salem's not a pest!

Me: Except when she poops in the bathtub...

Fang: ...Damn cat.

Me: Mmhmm... Ok, we need more than this.

Fang: Well, what's your next bright idea?

Me: I'll Google 'poetic things' in Google images.

Fang: Dear Lord...

Me: The first thing that comes up is a very awkward picture of some asian guy on the beach.

Fang: It looks like he's... Uhhh...

Me: Eating an ice pop?

Fang: We'll go with that. That's much more family-friendly than what I was thinking.

Me: Let me try... Inspirational things.

Fang: It's a bunch of pictures with inspirational quotes. ...Actually not that inspiring.

Me: Tell me about it, I've got nothing.

Fang: Oh, I know!

Me: What are you... How is 'Demotivational' going to help?

Fang: It'll entertain me.

Me: Well, I just lost brain cells.

Fang: I'm still trying to figure out which of those girls is not like the other.

Me: Oh my God, who cares? And one of them is wearing white while the others are in black.

Fang: That can't be it, that's not that funny.

Me: Moving on, please. Let's try... Hmmmm...

Fang: You just Googled "Hot Guys and Baby Animals".

Me: Yes, yes I did. Puppies and abs! And look at the guy with the goat... He kinda reminds me of you...

Fang: Except I don't walk around shirtless with a freaking goat draped over my shoulders.

Me: You should.

Fang: How about not? You know what? Let me type in something.

Me: ...You just typed in 'cleavage'.

Fang: Yes, yes I did.

Me: Ok, this is just sad. Can we look up something a little more G-rated?

Fang: Fine.

Me: That doesn't mean we're Googling 'Transformers'.

Fang: You like Transformers.

Me: Could you stop being such a guy for five minutes.

Fang: Let me think about it... No.

Me: You know what? I have an idea. We're going to open two tabs. In one, I'll Google something more... Masculine that I actually like. And you Google something more feminine that you actually like. We won't look at what the other Google. Then, we'll compare.

Fang: Fine...

-time lapse-

Fang: Alright, what'd you Google?

Me: -clicks on tab-

Fang: Catwoman? How is that 'masculine'?

Me: You like to look at her.

Fang: ...Touche.

Me: And you?

Fang: -sigh- -clicks on tab-

Me: ...Spiffy's right. You do have a thing for Darren Criss.

Fang: I DO NOT!

Me: I thought I was the Criss fangirl here, but you-


Me: Jeez, Fang, no reason to get so defensive.


Me: Alright, but just so you know... If you were gay, that'd be ok!


Me: Alright, fine. Well, none of that inspired poetry anyway, so...

Fang: We're supposed to go pick up Zia and take her to the park.

Me: Let's do that.

-hours later-

Me: Skittles, if you are reading this right now, do not EVER encourage Fang to use the children's playground as a catwalk and innapropriate dance floor again. Think of the children!

Fang: Skittles supported my fun.

Me: It was disturbing.

Fang: I think the real disturbing thing here is that the playground actually looks like a catwalk with two stripper poles at the top. Just take out the slides and that's what you've got.

Me: ...Touche. Still, that doesn't mean you use it as such.

Fang: You're just jealous. :P

Me: Trust me, I'm not.

Fang: I wanna know when I became the crazy fun one and you became the stick in the mud.

Me: When did it become ok to dance like that in front of children?

Fang: I did nothing innapropriate and Zia thought I was funny.

Me: I'm just glad I threw wood chips at you before you could break into song.

Fang: I thought you liked my singing...

Me: It was all too much.

Fang: ...We're really not writing any poetry...

Me: Yeah, I- Oh, Jay just texted saying we can start wearing the green avacado shirts today at work.


Me: It was quite the look for you.

Fang: Neon green isn't much better, but it's still not orange.

Me: How about we try some rapid-fire poetry before we just wrap this up for lack of anything better to do?

Fang: Sounds like a plan, though... Maybe we should plan something else out for the next chapter.

Me: Good idea.

In poetry we need some work

Fang is also a big jerk.

Fang: What the Hell?

Me: It rhymed.

Fang: -.-

Poetry is hard to write

Especially when Saint and I fight.

Me: Actually, sometimes we have an easier time when we fight.

I can hear fists pounding at the door.

And feet stomping on the floor.

Zia wants our attention now.

We better go before she has a cow.

Fang:Patience, Zia! We're busy right now!

Zia: But Fang!

Fang: No, Zia!


Me: Inside voice! -sigh- Alright, let's go.

Fang: Until next time...

Me: Speaking of which, if anyone's got any ideas about what we should try to poetry-fy for next time, please let us know!

Fang: So, once again, until next time...

-Saint and Fang, Dragged Away By Screaming Kindergartener.



Fang: -sigh- What?

Me: Fang and Captain Jack Harkness from Doctor Who!

Fang: -facepalm- Can we go now?

Me: Yep. :)

44. Chapter 44: So Quoth The Raven

One final time, people.

One final time.

In case you didn't already guess, Nevermore spoilers ahead. (Plus one Avengers spoiler, if you haven't seen that yet.)

You don't want them? Turn back now.

For the rest of you, for their final performance, I bring you those hiders of the spoils, through all their tiny toils...

The Dots.





































And that was... THE DOTS!

-thunderous applause-

Me: And, may I add, dear readers, this special Poetry Corner book review is brought to you from my brand-new hp computer!

-more thunderous applause-

Fang: Where the Hell are you getting the applauding crowds from this time?

Me: Hired Spiffy's entire family for the occasion.

Hobbits: WOOOOOOO! -more applause- -tips over table of food- BUFFET!

Spiffy: -facepalm- Oh jeez...

Pooky: I feel for ya, man.

Me: Aw, I think they're cute! Anyway, so, the Nevermore review.

Fang: The final book review.

Me: -deep breath- Yep.


Fang: ...You gonna say anything?

Me: I just... I can't believe it's over. The series that changed my life, that got me into writing, that gained me so many amazing friends. The series that's been with me since I was 14. It's over.

Fang: How do you think I feel? This is my life, literally, ending. Yet I'm still here.

Me: I know... But alright. Let's do this. One more time. You and me.

Fang: -nods- Go on, Saint.

Me: First off, I'll start with my feelings, since I'm sure Fang wants to get that crap over with.

Fang: -eyeroll-

Me: I'm... Currently indifferent. I didn't hate the book. I actually kind of liked it. I feel like many parts of it reflected back on the energy and themes of the first three books, which I love. But it defintely wasn't exactly like those old books, which is fine. I don't think J.P. could turn back now, anyway.

Fang: The point is, it's over. For better or worse, that's it. That's what we've got. Love it or hate it, an era, for many of us, is over.

Me: But it's not. Because we're still here. I'm still writing fanfiction. I've been working like mad on more updates for my stories lately, hoping to finish some old ones so I can start on new.

...But I'll tell you more about that later.

Anyway, the series is over, but there's still the fandom. Still fanfiction, fan art, all that stuff. We've still got each other. And we've still got everything that this series has brought us.

So I'm not sad. I'm not happy, either. I'm just... Here. As always.

Fang: On that note, I think it's time we actually reviewed the book.

Me: Let's take it step by step, shall we?

Fang: Starting with the cover.

Me: What?

Fang: Her hair is white.

Me: That's nothing. I hear, in the commercial, it's red.

Fang: Oh, Hell, I'm not even sure what color her hair is anymore.

Me: That's the true point of Maximum Ride. For the readers to ponder her true hair color.

Fang: Not just the readers. The writer. The characters. Everyone.

Me: Moving on... Prologue. My first thought: OOO! It's all in italics!

Fang: She's being absolutely serious. She had to show me the italics before she could start reading.

Me: I like italics.

Fang: Obviously.

Me: Ok, so, italics aside, the prologue was interesting as well as a bit scary. It's almost how I would picture the end of the world. Not explosions and screaming and noise. No, that's what causes the end of the world. It's the silence after, the realization of the survivors that, yep, it's all over. This is what's left.

That's what's really scary. The silence.

But I kinda rushed through that first part, so we're gonna rush through it to. Like, blah, blah, blah, where's the rest of the Flock?

Fang: So, to "Before". Let me review this page. It's black. I like black.

Me: Are you reviewing the in-between page?

Fang: Yep. It had a lot of black.

Me: Turn the page.

Fang: No, it had Max mooning over Dill Weed in the next chapter.

Me: Turn it.

Fang: -hands over book-

Me: Good boy. So, chapter one. We have the news station talking about depressing end-of-the-world crap. We have extremist activists waving signs. We have some pretty newscaster telling us that we're all doomed.

Is it just me, or is that one of the most realistic parts of the book?

Seriously, that's why I don't watch the news. Ugh. It's like, "Look at all this stuff going horribly wrong! Wow, the world sucks! And after commercial, we'll go to the weather, which will either being freezing cold or brutally hot, and sports, where we will tell you that your favorite team is losing!"

(Ok, maybe the 'favorite team is losing' thing only happens to us Red Sox fans, but still. :P)

Fang: Let's move on to Iggy and his waffles.

Me: ...Do you like waffles?

Fang: Yeah, I like waffles.

Me: Do you like pancakes?

Fang: ...Yeah, I like pancakes. Sa-

Me: Do you like french toast?

Fang: -sigh- Yeah, I like french toast.


Fang: Really?

Me: Had to... I love this cute little scene. The Flock having a waffle fight.

Fang: I bet J.P. stole it from a fanfiction.

Me: Oh, it's a possibility. :P But a good scene nonetheless.

Moving on...

Nudge and her beauty routines.

Fang: I don't know why she bothers, either. She's a pretty girl.

Me: Hearing Fang say the words 'pretty girl' is the funniest thing ever. I get the urge to try to give him a cracker.

Fang: -.- But seriously, she doesn't need all that make-up crap.

Me: It's a pre-teen girl thing. ...Ok, it's just a girl thing.

Fang: -eyeroll- Well, you girls need to get your eyes checked. Most of you overdo it with the make-up when you look fine.

Me: Tell me about it...

Fang: Oh, shut it. You do it, too, sometimes.

Me: ...I do not.

Fang: You barely even need make-up.

Me: I'm flattered, Fang, but stop.

Fang: Just stating a fact.

Me: Moving on... WOAH! FORSHADOWING!

Fang: What?

Me: "And could the growing number of meteor showers we're experiencing require the implementation of asteroid deflection strategies?" Uh, yeah, you might want to get on that deflecting thing...

Fang: So Dylan seeing the shooting star in FANG could have been forshadowing, too?

Me: Possibility. Or it's where J.P. picked up the idea.

Fang: We'll say it's forshadowing. Make him feel special.

Me: Speaking of Dylan...

Fang: -gags-

Me: Starting right here, almost all descriptions of Dylan by Max made me want to walk up to the nearest wall, find the hardest spot, and just repeatedly bash my head into it until I'd made a decent-sized hole. Then just stick my head in it and scream.

Fang: Max had 'innapropriate thoughts running through her head like squirrels on speed'?

Me: Well, things have escalated rather quickly. We go from, 'You want us to go to some safe house and WHAT?! Him and I... WHAT?!' to 'I am sooo picturing you naked right now.'

Fang: -gags again-

Me: But then, we slip right back into 'Dylan's so pretty. I'm gonna gush over him like a demented stalker pre-teen girl gushing to her diary about Justin Bieber'.

Fang: Caribbean Sea -gag- blue eyes? Things are getting downright cheesy.

Me: Let's go to the next chapter before Fang's breakfast comes up.

Fang: Oh, still with Max, Dill Bieber, and the Flock. Don't think this'll help my nausea.

Me: Well, suck it up. We'll get to you eventually.

Oh God, Dylan's movie-star looks. Do we really need to hear about how dreamy he is any longer?!

Fang: Get used to it, Saint. It takes up half the book.

Me: I'm beginning to think J.P. has a crush on Dylan.

Fang: ...Creeper.

Me: Extremely.

Fang: And Max mooning over him... Yep, the nausea's hitting me again...

Me: And people thought Fang was distracting her! Come on! GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME, MAXIMUM!

Fang: ...

Me: ...

Both: Getcha, getcha head in the game.

We gotta get our, get our, get our head in game.

Getcha, getcha head in the game.

You gotta get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya head in the game!

Fang: We YouTubed the song and everything...

Me: 'Cause we're losers like that.

Fang: We just know when to listen to Headmaster Zefron.

Me: Very true.

Fang: Don't you hate that, though?

Me: What?

Fang: That awkward moment when you're head's in the game...

Me: But your heart's in the song?

Fang: -nods-

Spiffy: -from backstage- Saint and Fang, the eternal dorks.

Me: -pointed 'I heard that' glare at Spiffy- I... Think we should get off High School Musical.

Fang: ...Agreed.

Me: Awwww... Dylan's first time at school.

Fang: Says he's had a lot of firsts with the Flock.

Me: First time flying.

Fang: Iggy probably made him his first waffle breakfast.

Me: First date.

Fang: Me = First enemy.

Me: First kiss.

Fang: First death threat.

Me: First crazed, jealous, ex-boyfriend.

Fang: -.- First homework assignment.

Me: First time grocery shopping.

Fang: First time at the movies.

Me: Max = First boner.

Fang: 0.o

Me: Can you imagine? Like, "She looks so ni- WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

Fang: Please, PLEASE, change the subject.

Me: You're no fun.

Fang: Moving on... We should've made him a baby book. "Bird-Kid's First Year."

Me: I want to personally design the 'First Boner' page.


Me: Fine... I will say, I'm glad Dylan started to develop into his own person in this book, with his own interests and the beginnings of a personality. Dylan, the Science Guy!

Fang: -eyeroll-

Me: I have a question now. Who the heck is this 'Nino Pierpont' guy? He just suddenly appeared out of nowhere in... The last book, was it? Anyway, he just popped into their lives and just started handing them money like he grew it on trees.

Fang: The Flock is probably a big tax write-off for him.

Me: Bet he gets his money from drug-smuggling or something.

Fang: ...Ok, then.

Me: May I mention, that if some guy kissed me in the rain on top of the Arc de Triomphe in Paris I would not be toast? Well, unless lightening struck it while he was kissing me. Then I might be.

Fang: Not the romantic type, Saint?

Me: Not the Paris type. Sure, I'd like to go there, but I actually find, like... Spain more romantic. Or Greece. Or... OH! LONDON! Now, if a guy kissed me under the sign for Platform 9 3/4, then I'd be toast.

Fang: You're a nerd, you know that.

Me: Quite proud of it, too. :P

Fang: You know what I can't believe? That Max wasn't popular in school.

Me: You'd think the kid with wings would be popular.

Fang: Well, Dylan was. Because he looks like Justin Bieber.

Me: -eyeroll- Always Dylan... Max is right there, though. Life is not about being normal. I have to agree that life is, at least, more about being happy. You can't be happy all the time, but you should do those things that feel right to you and make you happy as much as you can. Keep people around you who make you happy. Focus on the positive things.

Fang: Are you seriously getting philisophical on us?

Me: Sorry... It happens...

Fang: Dylan did say one smart thing here.

Me: 0.o Woah, woah, woah... And Fang? What is it Dylan said that you've actually admitted is smart?

Fang: Normal IS overrated.

Me: -nods- VERY overrated.

Fang: Also, I think we're dragging this thing out too long.


Fang: FINALLY! THANK GOD! Now to read something decent.

Me: -eyeroll- You are so full of yourself.

Fang: So are you.

Me: ...Point.

Fang: You know, we've both developed insane egos over the years... We should do something about that.

Me: I suppose...


Both: Nah.

Me: We're too freaking awesome for that.

Fang: Practically gods.

Me: Moving on... God, I hate waking up with anxiety. Fang describes it well here, a weight, snugger than a sleeping bag closing in on you. Like, "Ah, that was a good night's- Oh, crap, all those bills I have to pay. All this stuff I have to do. And I still haven't worked on any writing. God, it feels like this weight's pressing on me... Oh, wait, that's just Fang."

Fang: Funny, I have the same feelings some mornings, except it's you using me as a human pillow.

Me: You're comfy.

Fang: ...So are you.

Me: ...

Fang: ...

Me: Awkward...

Fang: As you say, moving on... Seems I have someone else using me as a pillow here...

Me: Maya.

Fang: What, no cracks about sluts throwing themselves at me?

Me: I had some cracks earlier, when I initially read it, but... I actually like Maya.

Fang: You do?

Me: Can't help it. Something about her... She justs wants to be her own person, not this clone living in the original's shadow.

Fang: But she can't seem to help it. She acts like Max. Like Max pre-Final Warning.

Me: And she has a thing for you.

Fang: Can you blame her?

Me: There goes that ego again...

Fang: :P

Me: Let's continue the review... I'm very... Interested in Fang's relationship with Maya. It's obvious, just from the fact that they were sleeping so closely and the way they acted around each other, that things had gone beyond the 'just friends' level, to some degree. I'm guessing it never went all too far, though, because Fang mentions feeling guilty just being close to her, just by thinking about her. If there was any official relationship between the two, it was probably too awkward to really go anywhere.

Fang: Hope we never got too... Intimate.

Me: I hope that, too, as you're both only fifteen (Maya's technically, like, two, so, illegal!) and have more important things to worry about... But, there goes my curiosity. Why, Fang?

Fang: You know those scenes in movies where the person calls out the wrong name during sex?

Me: ...Point. Awkward. Moving on...

So, I'm skimming through here, and it looks like you failed to put anyone on watch.

Fang: Seriously? We're on the run and I let everyone sleep?

Me: You'd think you'd- WOAH! WOAH WOAH WOAH!


Me: Major. Freaking. Mistake. Wow.

Fang: What?

Me: Allow me to quote...

"One glance showed Fang that the members of his small gang - Maya, Ratchet, Star, and Kate - were all still asleep."


Is the little starfish boy chopped liver now?!

Fang: ...J.P., you've made some fails in your life to do with plot and character details, but to just completely forget a character like that... Yeah, oops.

Me: And he is there. He pops up in later chapters.

Fang: J.P. just... Forgot him.

Me: Failure...

Fang: Now that we've given J.P. crap for his old man memory...

Me: Let's talk some more about your mushy, lovesick Max thoughts!

Fang: -.-

Me: First of all, absolutely right, you do not need a little dollop of sunshine. You get a little dollop of sunshine and the next thing you know you'll be wearing ribbons in your hair and riding unicorns.

Fang: Scary.

Me: Very. Second, I love how... Similar yours and Max's thoughts are. Thinking about all the moments and memories you'd shared. Repressing the one that's most painful.

Fang: Ok, getting away from mushy thoughts, Maya thinks I'm a good cook.

Me: She just wants you and wants you bad.

Fang: :D

Me: She is just... All over you. Holding you, giving you pecks on the cheek, complimenting you on your cooking... (Which is just proof she was trying to flatter you.)

Fang: I can do simple stuff.

Me: With adult supervision.

Fang: -.-

Me: She knew about your feelings for Max and thought that she could just give you the affection that Max wasn't as... Skilled at and win you over.

Fang: Be a little dollop of sunshine for me.

Me: Bingo.

Oh, awwwww! You think her hair is cute!

Fang: -gags- Moving... On...

Me: Back to Max!

Fang: Back to the bane of my existence...

Me: I'm in this book?!

Fang: Dylan.

Me: Damn... Anyway, I love how Max describes them as being 'outed'. I was all, "You mean Iggy really is g- Oh, you mean the wings..."

Fang: -facepalm- You're obsessed.

Me: Damn straight.

Fang: Oh, look at all the ridiculous girls swarming Dylan. Lovely.

Me: And they're the popular, slutty kind, too.

Fang: ...Saint... You know what this means?

Me: What?

Fang: ...J.P.'s been checking out slutty teenage girls.

Me: ...Oh my gosh, I can see it. Him staking out high schools in Florida, checking out which girls look like the type that would go after Dylan and annoy Max... Taking notes on their clothing...

Fang: Getting caught by the cops and then trying to explain it was all for research...

Me: You sick man, Jimmy P.

Fang: Hide your teenage girls, parents. Jimmy P. is coming to town.

Me: Great description of you, by the way. If you'd been there, you would've disappeared into the background like, "Oh, jeez, socialization. Get me back to my emo corner."

Fang: -.- That's not quite how it was described.

Me: It was implied.

Fang: Also, after reading this chapter, you cannot complain about me being full of myself. Just look at Dylan!

Me: His backgroud music should be, "I'm Sexy and I Know It".

Fang: Pretty sure if he blew his nose, the girls would dive into the trash can to get his dirty tissue.

Me: Ewww...

Fang: And enter, slimy dirtbag!

Me: ...Oh, Sloan.

Fang: Not worthy of a name. Slimy. Dirtbag.

Me: Fang...

Fang: If I'd been there instead of Dylan, Sloan would've never even got close to her.

Me: Protective older brother, much?

Fang: Five minutes behind the school. That's all I'd need.

Me: Fang, stop.

Fang: He wouldn't even dare to walk in the same hallway with her.

Me: Oh, so you're going to ruin her social life now? Good job.

Fang: The minute I read his name, I started reaching for my shotgun.

Me: I'd still love to know where you got that thing.

Fang: I want to dump him in the Deep and Most Glorious Pit and watch the spider-babies devour his flesh.

Me: Ok, not only is that going too far, but you are now walking down my line of crazy.

Fang: He deserves it.

Me: By the way, dear readers, the Pit and spider-babies are a Doctor Who reference, of sorts. Look up 'The Runaway Bride" episode.

Now, let's move on before Fang busts a vein in his temple or something...

Fang: Let's move to the next chapter. I don't think we need to comment on Max mooning over the Bieber clone again.

Me: Plenty of time for that later.

Fang: -gags-

Me: Actually, way later. We need to go to work.

Fang: I quit.

Me: Me too.


Ok, we need the paycheck.

Fang: -sighs- I'll go pull the car over...

-you are pulled through a vortex of wimbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff to the point in which we return. also known as a 'time lapse'.-

Fang: So, after taking our time getting back to this review because we're always either too busy or too tired to finish it, we've discovered that reviewing this book one page at a time will end with us not finishing this review for the next six months.

Me: And we can't have that. It's already the last day of August.

Fang: So we're going back to just commenting on the high points. Which is great, because there's no way any scene involving Dylan could be considered a high point.

Me: -eyeroll-

Fang: So, we left on at chapter five.

Me: We've got Maya, willing to follow Fang blindly to her doom.

Fang: Holden is in this chapter, meaning J.P. suddenly remembered he existed.

Me: We've got the Apocalypticas, who are useless.

Fang: We have me comparing something to a glee club, which we're pretty sure is just J.P. trying to stick popular culture references in anywhere he can get them.

Me: We have me and Fang, not completely sure if this counts as commenting on the high points, but not caring as we're actually at least getting shit done.

Fang: We have me, eating a bagel.

Me: We have me stealing Fang's bagel.

Fang: We have a death glare.

Spiffy: We have a hobbit, reminding the two lovebirds to stay on task.

Fang: We have protests about being lovebirds.


Me: I love Fang calling Kate out here. It's like, "Ok, you're a vegan because you want to save poor, innocent animals. But it's ok for innocent people to die as long as you're not hurt? Constantly telling others to help make a difference for bunnies and cows, but the world's human population can just die? People like that just make no sense to me. Like, I'm all for stopping animal cruelty, but that's because I'm against all cruelty. If I heard a group wanted to kill off 99 percent of the world's population, I'd have something to say about that. I'd be doing something about that. "Enhanced person" or not.

For me, Fang wanting to stop that group just seems like the obvious answer, not running and hiding. It's so obvious that this group is extremely bad news. You know that ignoring them will only eventually make your life Hell.

Star, Kate... You two are so... Gah...

Fang: You can yell at them down the road a bit, Saint.

Me: Just one more thing. There were a couple times I wanted to stick words in Fang's mouth in this book, and this was one of them. When Star said Fang 'opted for the upgrade' I believe that would've been a great time for Fang to say, "Actually, I didn't opt for anything. Any upgrade I had was forced on me, in case you don't remember."

Fang: Preach.

Me: Amen.

Fang: I like the comparisons and contrasts between the Gang and the Flock.

Me: They are similar in some ways, but you can tell the Flock is family while the Gang really is, well, a gang. They're friends, on different levels, they travel together and watch out for each other, but it's not that close-knit deal the Flock has. All it would take is one good shock to rip this group apart.

Fang: And, hey, looks like we got one.

Me: Yay! High speed driving and car crash!

Fang: It's like a Fast and Furious movie.

Me: I like Tokyo Drift best.

Fang: Saint, review.

Me: Right. So...Guess who's back?

Fang: Back again.

Me: Ari's back.

Fang: ..Again?

Me: Ari's making a comeback, people!

Fang: 'Cause he hasn't done that enough times... And look, he's evil again. Lovely. Just when I manage some forgiveness for the guy...

Me: And look at this. You catch sight of him and freeze up.

Fang: Yeah, my mind is blown. Like, "WHY CAN'T YOU STAY DEAD?!"

Me: And... Back to the Flock!

Fang: -headdesk-

Me: And now we go to... That awkward moment when you have a friend who's popular when you're not and they keep inviting you to hang out with their popular friends who don't like you.

Fang: This is not a slam against Dylan, this is an actual theory. I'm pretty sure Dylan has some sort of ability to make people, particularily females, like him. Maybe he gives off undetectable pheromones or something.

Me: Or he's just good looking and likable. With that friendly, open personality he has.

Fang: Psh. Everyone knows girls really love the hot guys with the mysterious past and stand-offish attitude.

Me: -eyeroll- Oh, jeez...

Fang: Take... The Breakfast Club. Who gets the girl? The hot guy with the bad attitude.

Me: The nice jock guy got a girl, too.

Fang: Not nearly as intense as hot guy's relationship.

Me: ...Should I comment on the fact that you're calling him hot?

Fang: I'm going by your description.

Me: ...I never called him hot.

Fang: Yeah, you... Oh, maybe that was a different movie... Maybe I'm thinking of John Cusack...

Me: Nope.

Fang: Oh, nevermind...

Me: Moving on, these popular girls make me twitch uncomfortably. These are the exact sort of people I would've avoided in high school. And it would've been easy, too, because they would've ignored my existence.

...You know, unless they needed the answers to the vocab. test. Then I was Miss Popular.

Fang: Didn't take people in your class long to learn you were top student in English, huh?

Me: I'm proud of my A+ status. Now, back to the book.

Fang: Blah blah blah, girly makeover show... He really thinks he's God's gift?

Me: Psh. We all know that's Darren Criss.

Fang: From what I've seen of him... I'll actually agree with you. Exceptionally nice guy.

Me: Wow, you mean you're not going to try to claim that title?

Fang: Too much pressure. Pleasing every girl. Some of them are real crazy bitches.

Me: -facepalm-

Fang: Now here's the part where I get confused. How can black be the new black? There is no new black. There is no old black. It's just black.

Me: You would know. It's the only color you wear...

Fang: Except at work. Bleh.

Me: I love Iggy's part here. Like, it's not even funny, what he's saying, but it somehow makes it funnier. He's just being a little jerk and it's awesome.

Fang: Typical older brother-type, Iggy.

Me: -nods- I can see his thoughts here. "Yeah, I can so not relate to this conversation right now... And no one's even talking to me... This sucks. That's it, I'll just shake up their little conversation. Sure, Nudge'll hate me but, as the kids in my math class keep saying, YOLO!"

Fang: I can see Iggy picking up on the YOLO thing.

Me: I prefer 'carpe diem'. 'Seize the day!'

Fang: -eyeroll- You found the sophisticated form of 'YOLO'.

Me: Anyway, not only is Iggy a typical older brother, he plays soccer, too.

Fang: Leave it to the blind kid...

Me: In Skits' fic, Songbird, he played football.

Fang: Probably where J.P. got the idea...

Me: Yeah, and then he had FF take it down so no one would know.

Fang: Curse you, Patterson.

Me: ...Did Dylan really just call her 'sugar drop'?

Fang: -gags- Please, can we stop acknowledging his existence. My breakfast, I don't want to see it again.

Me: And then Dylan, without a license, borrows a motorcycle.

Fang: Now may I make another Dylan observation that has nothing to do with the fact I hate his guts?

Me: Go for it.

Fang: He is the cheesiest little dude.

Me: Agreed. All of his dates, pet names, wooing techniques... Someone's been watching his eighties movies.

Fang: He's just so disgustingly romantic.

Me: He's romantic to the point of being unreal. I don't know about all you other females, but... I want a guy to treat me well and do nice things for me, but... Not to Dylan's extent. He's doing that stuff all the time. Like, ok dude, back off. If a guy was trying that hard to win me over, I'd actually kind of be turned-off. Like, call me paranoid, but I know someone can't be that romantic and nice all the time, so I'd wonder how long it would be before all that niceness wore off and his inner dickwad would make an appearance.

Fang: But here's the deal. Dylan really is that nice because he's programmed to be. It'll never wear off.

Me: You so sure? Let's remember what happens later...

Fang: We'll get there.

Me: Ok, but in the moment. This part... This hurt like Hell. This just about made me cry. I know what it's like to lose someone close to you. I know what it's like to have that loss hit you like a ton of bricks.

Fang: Losing Angel, losing that little kid... I don't want to think about it.

Me: But it's unavoidable. To ignore a person you lost is to forget them. To remember them is to keep them with you.

Fang: But... We didn't totally lose her.

Me: 'Cause I'm pretty sure J.P.'s afraid to completely kill off main characters.

Fang: It's 'cause he knows we'll enact revenge.

Me: Either you or your fans will.

Fang: From what I hear, one of you fans can get legal immunity to kill him.

Me: Shhhh...

Fang: Oh, just look at Dylan, talking about feelings...

Me: Oh, the horror. -pointed glare at Fang-

Fang: "I have feelings and I don't know what to do!" -eyeroll-

Me: Remember, he's really just a little kid. Like, two. Two-year-olds don't understand their feelings, either. Hell, some adults don't know what to do with their feelings.

Fang: I do.

Me: Yeah, I know. Bottle them up and make sarcastic comments at everyone else. -eyeroll-

Fang: Hey, at least I have a plan.

Me: And now we're back to Angel again. We're gonna skip over the torture, torture, torture part because I think you can all get the horror of that plus this is still going on too long.


Me: That's just... Yikes.

Fang: I want to resurrect some scientists so I can re-kill them.

Me: -sigh- Let them stay dead.

Fang: Bastards.

Me: Ok then... Hey, why couldn't J.P. have gotten Iggy's eyesight back in this book?

Fang: Too predictable?

Me: Yeah, he wouldn't want this book comparable to some fanfic...

Fang: -cracks up-

Me: Yep, I made a funny.

Fang: Alright, next chapter. This has me.

Me: The only chapters that matter... -eyeroll-

Fang: Of course!

Me: -facepalm-

Fang: Why didn't I realize that this Ari obviously wasn't the good guy that helped out Max in Germany? Obviously some evil clone.

Me: It wasn't a good day for you, ok?

Fang: And of course he has a missle launcher. Why wouldn't he have a missle launcher?

Me: I like how Maya stops you from playing hero and taking him on yourself.

Fang: Wish I had... Instead of her.

Me: Hey, we need you alive, buddy, sorry.

Fang: She took away my fight.

Me: Why is Ari always "your" fight? I have to wonder if that was programmed in somewhere. Or is there bad history with you two that goes farther back than the books?

Fang: ...That's classified.

Me: It's like you beg me to write fanfiction.

Fang: You won't. You have no motivation.

Me: -.- Later, Fang.

Fang: Let's get back to the battle. But wait, who's the enemy now?

Me: Leave it to the pretty little spoiled schoolgirls to betray.

Fang: That hurts. Really. I liked them.

Me: Yeah, I know... Especially with this RP I'm in now...

Fang: Can we discuss the rp later?

Me: Sorry, it's addictive.

Fang: Ignoring alternate reality rps, those little bitches...

Me: You can't kill them, either.

Fang: -.-

Me: Killing is wrong, Fangles.

Fang: "Death of the Moderators" and "It's Not Fang's Fault".

Me: "It's Not Fang's Fault" was a beautiful collaboration of many amazing, yet pissed-off writers. ...And I should probably take "Death of the Moderators" down. That was a moment of severe pissed-offness that should've been contained. -shrugs- Well, I'm not ashamed of my past, no matter how much I may roll my eyes at it, but that fic was sort of in bad taste...

Fang: Ok, forget I said anything. Move on.

Me: Now we have Fang, trapped in a glass case of emotion.

Fang: Disappointing little backstabbing bitches.

Me: And in the meantime, Maya's locked in mortal combat with Ari.

Fang: -twitch-

Me: Fang, who declared himself non-canon after the last book, still really can't handle this part.

I do need to comment on it, though. I felt horrible for Maya. I know some people hate, were happy that she died, and I think most hated her because she was 'getting in the way of Fax'. I'm sorry, but if you hate her for that, I have to roll my eyes at you. Can you blame a girl for loving a guy, even if he's not the right guy? He accepted her when others wouldn't, of course she latched onto him. And it's not like he didn't reciprocate.

She just wanted to be accepted as her own person. She never got a chance. Her short life got snuffed out defending the one person who had made her feel like she was truly someone special. (No one can convince me that Maya fought Ari for any other reason other than to keep Fang from fighting him. Basically, to protect Fang. Might've been some other reasons in there, but I think that was her initial line of thought.)

Anyway, Fax is together, just like so many wanted, so maybe now you can all stop hating Maya? At least, hate her a little less and see her as the person she was, who she wanted to be?

As a side note, I know a lot of people wanted Maya and Dylan paired up. I actually never liked that idea, probably because of this deep-set headcanon I have (which I have no idea where it came from) that Maya is actually a lesbian. I stand by this.

I also ship Dylan/Nudge, because I think they'd be good for each other. If Dylan can ever get off this 'I love Max' thing.

Getting back on track, Maya's death was just... Horrible. I got all sorts of choked up. And when Fang reassured her that she was not after Max, but equal. Oh, jeez...

Fang: Then Ari ran away like a coward.

Me: And we move on... Biology class!

I hated that class in high school... I mean, sure, lots of MR thoughts in that class, but the teacher-

Fang: -clears throat-

Me: Oh, right. Review still going on too long as is. Is this really even a review, or more of a play-by-play?

Fang: SAINT!

Me: Anyway, chicken dissection lab? Really? That's just totally unfair. And gross.

Fang: -gags-

Me: You're going to end up throwing up by the end of this.

Fang: Possibly.

Me: I feel like telling Max that plenty of people do NOT do dissection labs. Me being one of them. Unless you are actually planning on becoming a doctor, vet, or any other job where that kind of hands-on dissection is probably the best way for you to learn anatomy and such, we have computer programs that do about the same thing now. And that's all people like me need to know.

Fang: You've never done a dissection?

Me: I dissected a squid once, in Middle School, before I had such issues. Pretty proud of myself, too. Only girl in the class not going, "OMG, EWWW!" See, it's not that I think they're gross-

Fang: Review. Save your life stories for Tumblr.

Me: Oh, right.

Fang: Dr. Williams, former whitecoat. Should've known, Max.

Me: I actually have an OC named Officer Williams, who-


Me: NO.

Fang: -sigh- Whatever.

Me: NOW WE GET TO THE AWESOME PART! Where we first find out that Fang has cool DNA, which is just, like, a FANGirl's dream because it means, as we've always suspeced and/or known, that Fang really is special and should be a huge center plotline piece, maybe have a new series just devoted to him, have-

Fang: We get it, my fangirls are crazy.

Me: -pets Fang-

Fang: ...Ok, then...

Me: I had a little bit of pride for Dylan here, not hating Fang that much, wanted to tell Dr. G-H to shove his mission up his... Whichever bodily orfice Dylan was thinking of... Then Dr. Williams pulls out the 'we'll kill Max' card and it's like, DAMN YOU!

I also think it's unfair of Dylan to hate Fang, as he has no right to hate a guy for wanting the girlfriend you stole from him back. Then, I once again remember Dylan's true age. I find it interesting how Dylan's thought processes are quite advanced in some ways and still very age-apropriate in others.

Fang: Now we have a little combination chapter of my Gang through Angel's eyes.

Me: Angel's sad, Kate and Star are banished, blah blah, blah... Moving on.

Fang: And then I go kick Ratchet and Holden to the curb in a moment of self-loathing.

Me: Not a fan of your own decision?

Fang: I get all pissy and depressed because I suck as a leader, so I take it out on them by sending them on their way with nowhere to go? Yeah, not a fan.

Me: I like to think they stuck together and somehow made it to the island, to be mentioned later.

Fang: Agreed. They deserved better.

Me: And Jeb renders Angel blind. Dumbass.

Fang: Not like it lasted long.

Me: And now we're back to self-loathing Fang!

Fang: You realize we're doing that play-by-play thing we said we wouldn't do again.

Me: Hell, it's been a month since the book came out and this review still isn't done. If I'm making progress, I don't care how it's done.

Fang: ...Carry on. Me, in a graveyard, wallowing in self-pity. This is just... A sad point in my life here.

Me: I just... I want to hug you so badly in this chapter.

Fang: I know. As you were reading, you got to this point, threw the book aside, and hugged me.

Me: Niki and Jay were staring, but I didn't care. Seeing you at such a low point, I couldn't bear it.

Fang: Well, it's over now...

Me: Yeah...

Fang: So let go of my arm.


Fang: Here we go...

Me: -strokes Fang's hair-

Fang: Let's move on... I got to travel the country. Pretty cool. Saw a whole bunch of crazy people willing to destroy the human race. Not cool.

Me: And so it begins...

Fang: Hey, that's the name of the chapter!

Me: -stares-

Fang: -sheepish grin-

Me: -sigh- Anyway... Yes, Jeb. Angel's blind. What do you know, they STILL screwed it up...

But I almost finally felt pity for Jeb here. It seemed like he'd finally realized how much he screwed up.

Fang: Then he went, as they say lately, cray-cray.

Me: Went from "I've been a horrible father... I was so wrong..." to "But then I began to create new sons, a new Ari, so I can try again! I would be a good dad, he'd be a good son... Perfect... Mwahahahaha! And now I'm using my son clones to kill Fang!"

Fang: And that's where she lost it.


Fang: I'm beginning to think Saint may have strong feelings on this subject.

Me: -sigh- Moving on... And look, there's Dr. Martinez! Oh, I flipped out a bit here, too. Like I wasn't upset enough... But we'll move on...

Fang: What? To the double date of Max and Dylan and Nudge and Sloan? I don't think so.

Me: -eyeroll- We're just reading through it.

Fang: Which means me fluctuating between throwing up and wanting to punch something. Sounds lovely.

Me: I'm just going to ignore you, drama queen. Anyway, giving dating advice. He's such an odd little creature. I stand by my theory that he is not a mutant but a wizard who got stuck in animagus form and had his memories messed with so he doesn't remember actually being human, but can remember all these crazy pop culture and historical references as well as random dating advice.

Fang: ...You should really write that as a fanfiction.

Me: Oh, I know. Let me work on my other stuff, first.

Fang: Since we're going through with this whether I like it or not... And though I hate admitting this... -sigh- You and Max talk alike, Saint?

Me: Seriously?

Fang: Just her response to Total telling her she could -gag- cling to Dylan during the scary parts. The uses of 'sexist pig', the first and second thing, and the 'just no' thing.

Me: I will admit to picking up the 'sexist pig' thing from Max, but...



Fang: Give it up...

Me: Hey, I have a right to have a dream.

Fang: -sigh- Whatever...

Me: I have the right hair, too.

Fang: SAINT!

Me: Moving on... I love Max critiquing the horror movie. Omg, people in horror movies are so idiotic. "Stay here!" And they leave. Creepy door with horrific noises on the other side? They open it. Attacker coming at them with weapon? They curl up in a ball and scream. It's pathetic.

Fang: I love how the guns in movies never run out of ammo. They just keep shooting.

Me: Except Hawkeye. He ran out of arrows in Avengers.

Fang: We're digressing again.

Me: Oops, and it's October 3rd now...

Fang: Just keep typing and we may finish this before Christmas.

Me: Aw, Dylan took her hand!

Fang: I'm going to make like a Jack 'o Lantern and puke pumpkin seeds on you if you say that again.

Me: Shouldn't have eaten all those roasted pumpkin seeds.

Fang: They're super salty, but oddly addictive.

Me: Digressing again...

Fang: It's ok, Max. I root for the serial killer, too.

Me: Sick people...


Me: We know, five minutes in back of the school. Got it. -eyeroll-

Fang: I need to get my hands around that kid's-

Me: Dick. In back of the school for five minutes. We heard.


Me: Never... Oh, and enter Ari, stage right. Let's see... Blah blah Ari's not a zombie blah Hi, Dylan blah blah blah Maya dead blah blah defanging Fang (I see what you did there, Ari.) blah blah blah blah next chapter.

Fang: Bored you?

Me: Lots of review.

Fang: God, Sloan is a useless piece of shit.

Me: Again, more review.

Fang: Dylan wants to sleep in Max's room. At times like this... I'm suddenly reminded he's only 2. Like, I can see from where I'm looking at things in the book, yeah, the little creeper needs to stop sleeping in her room. But from this point of view, reading it... He's like a scared little kid. I don't know what to make of him sometimes...

Me: Beginning to feel for him.

Fang: Not feelings, really. Maybe... Stirrings...

Me: -eyeroll- Pirates of the Carribean 4? Really?

Fang: I liked that one.

Me: Now he just lied to Max about the cease and desist thing.

Fang: Little liar.

Me: And now we're gonna play 'Compare and Contrast'!

Fang: This was an... Interesting chart...

Me: Thoughts, Fang?

Fang: Yeah, I know her better than anyone, but she knows me just as well. We work well together. Yes, you CAN trust me, Max. Promise. I help you stay tough when you need to be. If you need not-tough time... I can give that a shot... Be all... Comforting and shit.

Me: Comforting and shit?

Fang: I'm trying! Anyway, who needs social skills? I think we both have just enough to survive between us. You make my eyes sound creepy. I could wear sunglasses...

Me: Trust me, Fang. Keep up the creepy eye thing.

Fang: ...Ok... Moving on, Me? Irritating? ...You love it. :P I do NOT think of you like a sister. Just saying. I'm... Trying to be a little less closed-off. At least to people who matter. And you can act any way you want around me, as long as you're you.

Me: Aren't you cute?

Fang: Shush, there's more. Why don't letters count? Letters are nice. ...You can touch me if you want...

Me: Oh jeez...


Me: You dream about?

Fang: You in a room full of snakes.

Me: I dream about you in a teeny, tiny room that's slowly shrinking-

Fang: Ok, ok. Done.

Me: Then Max goes and curls up-


Me: -sigh- Nice avoidance technique, Fangles...

Fang: And of course the gossip was all over Facebook and Twitter...

Me: Which is why my main social site these days is Tumblr. Good place. Most people don't tolerate bullies well there. At least, not the crowd I hang with.

Fang: Are we off track again?

Me: Possibly.

Fang: Max, you should've unleashed a can of whup-ass on him? HECK YES YOU SHOULD'VE!

Me: At first, your protectiveness of Nudge was endearing. Now you're getting annoying.

Fang: Oh, shut up. -sigh- I just want to be there for all of them... Especially Nudge at this point. Poor kid just wants to be accepted.

Me: Problem of every teenager ever born. But her need for acceptance is a bit... More...

Fang: People's prejudice is horrible. Everyone's need to have every person fit there personal cookie-cutter image. Everyone has a different idea of how everyone else should be and they're determined to either force you to be their way or reject you if they can't change you. And by 'reject' I mean 'bully and harass you until you feel as unworthy as they think you are'.

Me: And we're getting a little off-track now, but yeah, I know what you mean. I just don't understand bullies. I don't understand what joy there is in making other people feel horrible about themselves. It's illustrated right here. Why should Nudge have to feel badly about who she is? She's amazing! So what, she's got wings, not her fault. She's got some cool powers, too. No reason for society to reject her. But then there's cowards like Sloan...

Fang: I'm not sure if that's on-track or not.

Me: Me neither. This chapter's gonna be long as Hell.

Fang: Last book. Might as well be.

Me: True. Anyway, this part with Nudge wanting her wings off... As much as I understood how hard her life was with them and how much better they would be gone, technically. And how hurt she felt and how much she just wanted to be accepted... All I could think was, "How can you give that up?" Flying. I know, I'm a non-mutant. I can't possibly understand the horrors of being an experiment. But... Oh, to fly. To really fly.

Fang: It's a beautiful thing. I have to admit. I can't speak for every Avian-American, but I have to say, I'm not giving it up anytime soon.

Me: You make me jealous.

Fang: :P

Me: And now we're back to you, musing over your fate.

Fang: I need to get my mojo back here. Depressed me sucks.

Me: -eyeroll- I relate to you here. Lying awake, going over every detail of your life, trying to figure out how to fix your patheticness.

Fang: You relate to that?

Me: I'm a washed-up, has-been fanfic authoress who can barely update. I work a dead-end job. I'm horrible at finishing my homework. I'm late for everything. Yeah, my life needs evaluation.

Fang: You've been working on it, though.

Me: That's for later, Fangles. Moving on, Fang's just beating himself up, blaming everything on himself again and I just want to hug him. Again.

Fang: And then... The Voice.

Me: I need to bitch about the Voice. They all hear it now? Since when? And why doesn't anyone tell Max, 'Oh, hey, I heard your Voice.' How come no one else got horrible headaches like she did? How come Ari had a Voice? Was it the same one? If so... Oh, that's just...-headdesk-

Fang: And enter major Plothole.

Me: You know, these would all be great ideas if Patterson would stop fnicking it up.

Fang: His brain must be even more jumbled than yours.

Me: That takes mad skill. Though, good news. If this series can get published, than my books certainly will.

Fang: But J.P. is already a bestselling author so he could-

Me: Shush. Don't kill my hope. Anyway, despite its plotholeness, I'm glad The Voice sent Fang back to Max, where he belongs.

Fang: If I belong with Max, does that mean you're letting me go?

Me: Heh, not a chance. Next chapter.

Fang: First good decision I've made during the entire book so far. Go the Hell home.

Me: And your poor wing is hurting you. I just want to take you in and fix you up.

Fang: -sigh- I'm not your pet or whatever.

Me: That's what you think.

Fang: And then I went to one of Saint's favorite places on Earth. The greatest wealth of information ever compiled.

Me: Google.

Fang: Which promptly shows me the last thing I want to see.

Me: But it's also one of those few times that someone, that someone being you in this case, puts things in perspective. 'Something bigger than the drama of Max and Fang'. It's kind of one of the themes of the book. Everyone is worrying and fretting about stupid little things, like dating and being popular when there's so, so much more going on. Even Star and Kate's attempt at survival, though a bit bigger than popularity and dating, was still them not focusing on anything bigger than themselves. And I know, they're all just kids, but the time is coming when they all need to finally grow up. And fast.

Fang: Wow, deep...

Me: -bows- Thank you, thank you... One thing that bugs me, though. J.P. seems to only really focus on how much Fang misses Max. It's touched on a little bit when Fang's comparing the Gang to the Flock, but besides that... You can't tell me Fang didn't miss the rest of the Flock as well. That was his family, it was where he belonged. Could've touched on that a bit, too.

Fang: True. I miss Max, sure. But I miss the others, too. They're like my siblings.

Me: And now the next chapter. A.K.A. James Patterson's warning to young people against hitchhiking.

And the part of the book where I started yelling, 'YOU IDIOT! PICKPOCKET SOMEONE AND TAKE A BUS! DON'T HITCHHIKE!'

Fang: That moment when it's actually more acceptable to rob someone than to travel legally.

Me: Safety overrides legality any day. For normal people, legal and safe usually go hand-in-hand. For you and the Flock? Not so much.

Fang: And of course, of all the cars that could've picked me up, I get the one with the huge, shifty-looking guys in it.

Me: Story of your life.

Fang: Literally.

Me: But I get your mindset here, too. You're in pain, you're tired, and this is the easy way. Been there.

Fang: But it seems I've misjudged them! They're really just tourists looking for lovely scenic overlooks!

Me: And they're kind enough to help you get a better look!

Fang: You may insert Saint's panic-stricken screaming and circulation-cutting clutching of my arm here.

Me: I freaked. And I felt so bad for you. All alone and hurt and those horrible bastards who I threw in the Therapy Center for King Leonidas to use as conquering practice...

Fang: ...What?

Me: Nothing, nothing.

Fang: You are impossible.

Me: Now I need to comment on the next chapter, Angel reacting to her vision of watching Fang fall. I love this chapter because it reminded me how much Angel loves Fang, and the rest of the Flock as well. And how young she is. She's done some uncool stuff, but only because she thought she was doing what was right. And in the end, she loves them, needs them. Her family. It's like a little kid who throws a tantrum and screams stuff like, "I hate you!", "I never want to see you again!" "I'm running away from home!" at their family members, but not too long later, when that extreme little-kid display of emotions finally dies down, they don't feel that way at all. They love their family.

Fang: Angel's still just a little kid, basically.

Me: Yep.

Fang: And then... Those bastards clipped her wings.

Me: Did that whitecoat really just say 'Good little mutant'? Jeez, you gonna give her a cookie now?

Fang: -is muttering incoherently about whitecoats and the unspeakable things he'd like to happen to them-

Me: Ok, while Fang works on his complete nutter impersonation, let's go over the Voice's instructions to the Flock, who can now suddenly hear it with no headache-like side-effects.

First, I've decided that's a good job for Nudge. And a good idea. Don't want to forget what the world was like before it was wrecked.

Iggy and Gazzy have great jobs, too. I love how it mentions that the Voice needs Iggy's help... Right in the middle of his cake. Like, how dare the Voice interupt Iggy's baking! Blasphemy! Madness!

King Leonidas: Madness? THIS IS SPA-


King Leo: -trudges away-

Me: Anyway, by the way, love how everyone's like "Max always listens to her Voice!" but no one's like, "Maybe we should tell Max about this."

...Unless they're being mind controlled to just... Not thinkto tell her. Mind-altered, really. Far-fetched, I know, but a decent plot hole filler.

And Max's orders: Harden your heart. Basically, don't let the future suffering of the world mentally destroy you. Also good orders, though not easy ones.

And Dylan's. Win Max. ...Seriously? What does winning Max over have to do with anything? To make sure you have good breeding stock for the world? So Max has someone to cling to when she hardens her heart against everyone else? So as to uselessly add more romantic drama to the not-a-plot?

Take your pick.

Fang: Max is giddy and swooning over her 'dream date'? Seriously? Is James Patterson just trying to kill me right here?

Me: I don't know if he expected you to read it...

Fang: Whatever. What has he done to my Max? Giddy and swooning? HE'S DRUGGED HER!

Me: Oh, jeez. It just shows that, despite what she's been through, her stubbornness, and her anti-girliness attitude, she's still a girl. And she's still experiencing teenage love.

Fang: That's not love. That's... It's...

Me: It's Dylan. Who's a sweet guy as much as you want him not to be.

Fang: ...It's just... Totally unfair. It's not my fault I never had the time to plan some dream date with her! If I hadn't been trying to keep her and the Flock safe, maybe I'd have come up with something awesome!

Me: I thought ice cream in Hawaii was great.

Fang: Obviously not good enough. Dylan provided her 'dream date'.

Me: Stop being so put-out. It takes more than a dream date to win a girl's heart. You'll learn that.

Fang: He built her a house. I... Can't build a house. Where'd he learn to build a house?

Me: Oh jeez, chill.

Fang: And, oh, it's such a big deal that Dylan had paid attention to her? I PAID ATTENTION TO HER! I knew she like tree houses! And I've listened to all of her cookie ramblings! I remember her favorite books from when we were little! Insults she's thrown at whitecoats and Erasers! I know how she likes her eggs for breakfast! Her favorite type of cake frosting! Her shoe size! Her favorite movies! Her favorite songs! I-

Me: We get it. You're in love. Calm down.

Fang: This is bullshit.

Me: You did run off on her.


Me: Hey, just saying.

Fang: -.-

Me: Did I just read the words 'heightened sexual tension'?


Me: Guess I did.


Me: They're relationship escalated quickly in this book.

Fang: Maybe- Maybe that's good. Just proves it's all lust and no love.

Me: You wish.


Me: 'Heightened sexual tension'. Really, J.P.? It disturbs me, all these little clues you leave in your books that prove you troll around popular teen and pre-teen websites more often than you probably should. As well as the fact that you read more fanfiction than the average fan.

Fang: Wait. 'Heightened' means there was sexual tension before, and now there's more! What?!

Me: Remember earlier, Max's 'innapropriate thoughts'?

Fang: God, why?

Me: All of this is irrelevant now, though. For Iggy is wearing a bow tie.

Fang: I wish I could see that...

Me: How dapper he must look.

Fang: ...You know why he's wearing a bow tie?

Me: ...Why?

Fang: Because bowties are cool.

Me: :D Like Fezes.

Fang: And Stetsons.

Me: Ok, back on track.

Fang: I'm going to skip past Dylan saying he's going to win Max in the end because it's actually getting pretty old now. And I'm skipping past their kiss because ew.

Me: It was a nice kiss.

Fang: Ew. Anyway, it's moments like this that I really, really love my Flock. Good job, interrupting that kiss!

Me: Nice cock-blocking, Flock. A Flock Cock-Block.

Fang: I wasn't gonna call it that...

Me: With how things were escalating, it could be considered a cock-block.

Fang: Jeez...

Me: I love that moment when Max discovers that they're on candid camera. "Why on earth would you film that?!"

And Iggy's just like, "YouTube?"

So helpful, Iggy.

Fang: Another YouTube great. Max kisses Justin Bieber.

Me: And here's another moment. Why, why, why won't they just tell Max they heard the Voice?! This should've been explained. Come on, J.P., I can only make so many assumptions.

And then the treehouse goes up in flames.

Fang: Not a bad omen, Max. A good one. Means I'm on my way.

Me: And that you're getting a better treehouse.

Fang: Later... Wait, that was the pinnacle of romance in her life? Oh, I can't read this book, this is killing me.

Me: Keep breathing. It'll get better. Look, the alarms are going off.


Me: See? You'll be fine.

Fang: Let's keep going. I like this part.

Me: Two most beautiful words in the entire book.

"It's Fang!"

Fang: And the world is right again.

Me: Of course. The world can't be right without you, huh? -eyeroll-

Fang: No. The Flock is back together. That's what makes the world right.

Me: ...Alright then. Better. You know, I almost went with Max's guess and thought you were a clone, until it was mentioned you were limping. Then I'm like, yep, doing well for a guy who took a not-so-flying leap off of a cliff.

Fang: And the Flock, like, pounced on me. And those ridiculous... Fuzzy... Warm kind of... Stirrings...

Me: Feelings?

Fang: -cough- Yeah, that or whatever. I...

Me: I got it. You got a warm, fuzzy feeling. Oh, Dylan's unhappy...

Fang: Good. This is where I start to win back my life.

Me: And they bring in food.

Fang: Food is the Flock's way of dealing with... Everything. You know how people have 'comfort food'? That's all food for us.

Me: Obviously. And they let Max make cake. Daring move there.

Fang: Surprised the house didn't burn down. No offense, Max.

Me: Aw, and she scraped your icing off for you. And got you chocolate milk. Just... Awwww...

Fang: We know each other well. Yes, Max, it's sweet. Stop over-analyzing.

Me: And then her little realization. You've become a m- -bursts out laughing-

Fang: -.-

Me: You're a man? Omg...

Fang: What? She means I'm more grown-up looking. Mature-looking.

Me: But acting?

Fang: Stop.

Me: Sorry, I just look at you with me, 21 years old and neither of us have managed to grow up. But, ok, from Max's point of view, seeing how you look after what you went through on your own... The maturity you've gained... I guess you have become a ma- -giggles-

Fang: Jeez.

Me: Sorry. That line is just too corny for words.

Fang: Fine, fine...

Me: I like how she ends up excited about you being... All mature.

Fang: Dylan's starting to look pretty childish, huh? That's right, he's fun for all that high school stuff, but I'm here for when things get serious.

Me: 'Cause you're an adult?

Fang: Yep.

Me: ...Ya gonna throw things on the ground?

Fang: Don't trust the system. ;)

Me: Moving on... Just imagining you all matureish... Reminding me of Aragorn in Lord of the Rings before in Return of the King when they had to go and clean him up. Back when he was a Ranger of the North, all woodsy and ruggedish and sexy...

Fang: Calm down, Saint. You're creating so much heat the wallpaper's gonna peel.

Me: Shush. You're supposed to be giving the silent treatment.

Fang: Not when it means embarrassing you. :P

Me: Moving on... I need to go back to bitching at J.P. Why, why, why couldn't you tell us how Fang survived that fall? Explain that 'back from the dead' quote? HOW DID HE SURVIVE THE FALL?! TELL US NOW!

Fang: What, Saint? No theories?

Me: Oh, I have a bunch. But I shouldn't have to. J.P. should've told us. Plot hole of doom.

Fang: I'm just amazing.

Me: -eyeroll- Yep. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Fang: But forget about that. I'm busy putting Dylan in his place.

Me: That little whipper-snapper.

Fang: ...I don't look that old.

Me: Whatever. You two... Jeez. Just whip 'em out and compare 'em. It'd be faster.

Fang: ...I'm not even dignifying that with a comment.

Me: Just saying. It's a battle of 'Grrrr... I am more badass than you!'. It's ridiculous. Oh, then Dylan pulls out that thing about your DNA, trying to scare you away like he did last time. Thankfully, you've wised up.

Fang: Kind of a stupid move, on his part. You can't play that card unless you're willing to play all your cards. Can't be like, 'Oh, everyone's after you! Why? Oh, can't, uh, tell you that.' Whatever, dude.

Me: Ah, next chapter. Gazzy gets his pie priviledges revoked. I've had to do that to you before.

Fang: Damn you.

Me: And you're back. Everything already feels right with you in the Flock.

Fang: Well, almost right. We still are missing one. And have one extra.

Me: Well, that's gonna be fixed. Oh, and by the way, Max, I usually go with FANGIRL.

Fang: Moving on...

Me: And here we are with another part of the book that feels like fanfic or an rp or something. That e-mail from the kid with the dad that just so happens to work at the facility where Angel is kept. I swear, J.P. is letting fanfiction ghostwrite his books at times.

Fang: But who cares? Angel's alive! Even if it's a trap, doesn't matter, get Angel.

Me: Just like old times.

Fang: Exactly. Except we've got that one extra...

Me: Oh, stop it. Dylan loves Angel, too. Heh, when Gazzy called Iggy and Dylan into Fang's room to hear about Angel, all I could think was, "Iggy, Fang, and Dylan alone in a bedroom would make a much more interesting story right now..."

Fang: ...You want to see me kick the crap out of Dylan while Iggy referees?

Me: ...Not what I was thinking, but sure.

Fang: -eyeroll-

Me: YOU CRIED! OH MY GOD, THIS JUST KILLS ME! AERHJGKJGFRTFHJ I love how your little brick wall starts to break down near the end of this story and emotions start leaking through. I think it shows how much you've been through. Like, life is too short to be so stoic all the time. Not to mention all the things you've seen and been through have probably chipped that wall to bits. That's a lot of internalized emotion to hold back.

And the first one to completely come through is happiness. Complete relief-induced happiness. After all the misery you've been through, you deserve it.

Fang: ...You keep switching between talking to me and talking about me.

Me: Yeah, can't make up my mind. Anyway...

Not to mention, this answered an important fic-writing question for me. Max said it was the first time she'd seen tears in Fang's eyes. So I'm guessing she's never seen him cry before that. Could use that info...

Of course, if I want to see Fang cry, I know a couple movies and TV shows that will do the trick...

Fang: You do not.

Me: Doomsday.

Fang: ...You cried during that episode, not me.

Me: Bullshit.

Fang: Let's just keep the review going...

Me: And you're all off! Fang and his newfound emotions leading the way!

Fang: But not before making sure Total was safe with his wife.

Me: Don't want any dog-widows left to pine after lost love.

Fang: And in the meantime, as we're flying, the 99 Percent Plan is going into effect.

Me: It's the beginning of THE END.

Fang: Bringing us to another lovely all-black page!

Me: You love those pages, don't you?

Fang: They're wonderful. Like your italics.

Me: ...We both have problems.

Fang: We do.

Me: Well, moving to the next chapter, I love how you and Dylan switched personalities. Once again, the little birdboys are finally growing up...

About time you hit puberty, Fang.

Fang: Ha ha ha.

Me: And what do you know, you get there, and someone went and burnt the place down before you could get there.

Fang: Bastards.

Me: What a mess, too. Damn fire.

Fang: And bodies. Burnt bodies...

Me: Crispy Critters!

Fang: Seriously?!

Me: Sorry, had to. But wait! It's that nice guy, Mark, that I got the cheering crowds from for the last book review!

Fang: ...Nice guy?

Me: Well, he seemed nice. Reminds me of that Harold Saxon guy. Think I might vote for him. His platform was... Good.

Fang: -facepalm- Saint... Oh, nevermind.

Me: But jeez, what a crazy. And I love how Max has her two attack dogs, Fang and Dylan, by her side.

Fang: Attack dogs?

Me: Seriously considering getting a Rottweiler and a Golden Retriever and naming them Fang and Dylan.

Fang: -.-

Me: But seriously, I wish I could see you and Dylan just really get along. I bet, if it wasn't for the Max problem, you guys would make good buddies.

Fang: ...

Me: Yeah! At least you seem to have a silent truce during your search for Angel. I respect that.

Fang: Angel's safety trumps everything.

Me: Legit.

Fang: Like right now. Happiness over her survival trumps every other feeling ever. The end. Eternal glee.

Me: Glee!

Fang: -facepalm-

Me: I'm happy Angel survived. Don't care about any fanfiction-like cliches. Just... I hate it when a kid dies in a book. Bad enough that we lost Maya.

Fang: You want all your books to have happy ever afters.

Me: ...So?

Fang: Whatever.

Me: I don't get why J.P. felt the need to make her wings getting clipped have just been a hallucination. Why does he screw up so many good plot points?

Fang: ...Are you really asking that?

Me: I know, it just blows my mind sometimes...

Fang: Like your mind blew with the Dr. M thing?

Me: Yes, but we've already been over that...

Fang: Oh, yeah. Repeat.

Me: Anyway, though I don't think it should surprise me that Fang is immune to this plothole, WHY IS FANG THE ONLY PERSON WITH ENOUGH BRAINS TO BE LIKE, 'OH, I'M HEARING THE VOICE, TOO?!'

Fang: I tend to think on a higher level.

Me: -eyeroll- Your modesty, though, is barely at a functioning level.

Fang: Who needs it?

Me: Right... Omg, you're so damn stubborn. Like, 'Oh, no! I'm trying to admit my undying love for you, and you are NOT going to pull a U&A on me this time! I will keep a death grip on your ankle for as long as it takes you to finally get tired, YOU WILL HEAR ME!'

Fang: I'm determined.

Me: And you need her. You finally admit it.

Fang: Hey, everyone needs-

Me: SHUSH. Fax-worshippers everywhere cease to remember how to breathe during this part, I'm sure. The least you could do is honor it with silence.

Fang: ...But it's my-


Fang: -.-

Me: -reading the pages with bated breath-

Fang: ...-whispering- You gonna review that or what?

Me: Is this not review enough? Jeez, if you wanna know what happens, read the book. Just my reactions.

Fang: Sometimes.

Me: Oh, shut up. Next chapter.

Fang: And we find Dylan crying because he's finally realized that I win.

Me: Could you, like, read the chapter, put yourself in his shoes for a bit, and try commenting again?

Fang: I can't.

Me: Why?

Fang: Different sized shoes.



Me: ...-sigh- We'll talk about this. Anyway, this is one of the parts I've been waiting to get to. Where Dylan's true colors as, basically, a two year old, really show. He throws a tantrum and beats up half a town. I've seen Zia do this... On a much smaller scale, of course.

Fang: At least he finds meaning to his life from this fit. Killing me. That's a great life goal.

Me: He thinks he's saving Max... And you.

Fang: In a sick, twisted way.

Me: He's a kid.

Fang: Who could grow up to be a psychopath.

Me: Oh my God...

Fang: He got to be on TV, though. That's nice.

Me: -eyeroll-

Fang: Dylanzilla has struck.

Me: Dylanzilla, AKA broken-hearted bird-kid. You wanna know why it hurts so much to finally succeed at pushing someone you don't want that close away, Max? Because how can you feel good about causing someone so much pain, even if it's for the best?

Fang: ...You're gonna make me feel sorry for Dill Weed. And I'm not gonna be happy.

Me: 'Course not. Because you're feeling bad for the kid.

Fang: Damn you...

Me: No, damn Erasers. They're back.

Fang: So? Not like that's news. They're always back.

Me: And Jeb!

Fang: Also nothing new.

Me: Ari!

Fang: -yawn- Whatever.

Me: They're here for you.

Fang: Good. Let 'em at me.

Me: You're- WAIT! I've found yet MORE evidence of Figgy!

Fang: You're always finding 'evidence' of some secret gay relationship between the two of us.

Me: It's because it happened and I know it. Anyway, Iggy stepped in front of you protectively and crossed his arms!

Fang: Protecting his brother.

Me: Whatever. By the way, your DNA is the key to immortality.

Fang: And there's the big WTF plot twist of the book.

Me: Can I just say how much I love love LOVE this?! I LOVE THIS PLOT TWIST! THE CROSSOVER PLOTS I'VE COME UP WITH!

Fang: What?

Me: Possible explanations for Fang's DNA:

He's part Time Lord.

He's Captain Jack Harkness' son.

He's half-elven.

He's half-vampire.

He's some sort of witch/wizard.

He was cursed by some sort of witch/wizard as a child.

He's actually part angel.

Or part demon

He's an angel/demon crossbreed.

Fang: Do you ever factor in the genetic experimentation?

Me: No fun in that.

Fang: ...Pretty cool, though. My DNA could grant immortality.

Me: Grant! That's another theory! You're part genie!

Fang: Saint...

Me: Or fairy!

Fang: SAINT!

Me: Ok, ok... I'm of two minds about your immortality thing. For one, yeah, that could be totally not cool, letting humans get ahold of immortality. We have a system and it works. I don't like the way it works sometimes, but it works. People living forever... Well, I'll let you all imagine that world.

On the other hand... Let's say we could get this information in the hands of some not-corrupt scientists. Scientists who might be able to develop this immortality genes into, like, cures for deadly diseases. Like, maybe it could be developed from actual immortality into more, like, immunity from things like cancer.

I mean, I don't understand science that well, but... Jeez, it's a fiction book. Let me dream.

Deal is, though, for better or worse, Fang does NOT deserve to be killed or tortured over this. What anyone who cares about him should be doing is protecting him. Because he's completely innocent in all this.

Which just shows how much Jeb actually cares...

Fang: Don't worry. I've kind of written him off as 'father-figure'. He can not care about me all he wants.

Me: Still doesn't make him any less sick and twisted.

Fang: True.

Me: And he says he created you. He did NOT create you! He just experimented on you! He had no hand in your creation!

...Well, hopefully. Or your relationship with Max just hit a serious roadblock...

Fang: Please don't go there...

Me: Did he just call Fang 'kiddo'? I'm sorry, Fang... You can't call him 'kiddo'. I MIGHT be able to get away with it, but it sounds weird even coming out of my mouth. He's no one's 'kiddo'.

Fang: Stop saying 'kiddo'. It's starting to sound weird.

Me: I know, right? Wait, Fang says here he was pretty much resurrected after he fell off the cliff... Maybe THAT'S the answer to how he survived! I never really thought about it before! I mean, it's a vague interpretation, but it could mean that his immortal DNA stuff resurrected him after he was thrown off the cliff. Kept him alive.

Vague, I know. But leave it to J.P. to be vague the few times he actually attempts to fill a plot hole.

Fang: Jeb just called me a monster. He said he created a monster.

Me: You're not a monster.

Fang: I feel like I should have some bolts coming out of my neck.

Me: Oh, stop.

Fang: I can just see Jeb standing over my bed, yelling, "IT'S ALIVE!"

Me: I want to see your reaction when you wake up to that.

Fang: I'd roll over and go back to sleep. Jeb's just being a complete lunatic, as usual.

Me: That must be, like, Flock common knowledge by now.

Adults can't be trusted.
Always follow your paranoia.
Don't give Gazzy a burrito.
Jeb is cray-cray.

Fang: Pretty much.

Me: And Jeb REALLY needs to stop saying, "I'm so sorry." I'm beginning to think he must be a real Tenth Doctor fan.

Fang: You need to stop with the Doctor Who references.




Fang: Ok, I get it, sheesh... Let's get back to Gazzy producing bombs from his pajamas.

Me: Sounds really fun and safe.

Fang: Totally.

Me: And then Dylan goes and saves your butt! How do you feel about that?!

Fang: Nothing yet. Remember, he was hell-bent on killing me earlier.

Me: Fine, we'll wait 'till he's done beating on Ari. In the meantime, I must comment on Max finally figuring out what she's supposed to harder her heart about. At least, one of the things. Another thing I can relate to.

Sometimes, no matter who someone once was in your life, if all they're doing is bringing pain and negativity to your life now, you need to... Harden your heart. It may seem wrong and even hurt to push them away, but it hurts more to have them there.

Fang: Your dad?

Me: My dad. And Jeb. It's one of those things I'd always been able to relate with Max with, on some level. We'd had great father-figures that were angels when we were growing up, but turned into demons when we were teenagers.

A lot of people have told me I need to forgive my dad and let him back in my life. That he's not the same as he was. That I'll regret it if I don't. That he deserves another chance.

Well, I'm sorry. It's easy for everyone else, looking from the outside in, to judge me and tell me what to do. But it's my life and I think I know how to handle it. When he's around me, all he does is breed negativity and bring me pain. I don't need that. I don't need him.

Just like Max doesn't need Jeb. She's got people around her who truly care for her, sane people. He may have been a good father to her once, but those days are gone, baby.

Fang: Comparing your life to Max's again?

Me: You know, I would kill just for a SHOT at auditioning for the part of Max. I just want a fair shot.

Fang: You don't think you're too old?

Me: Some lady the other day mistook me for a 15-year-old. The gas station manager where I work refused to sell me alcohol because he thought I was underage. Yeah, I think I can pull this off.

Fang: I'll just let you live this dream, ok?

Me: Good boy. Anywho, Max, hun, when you're in the middle of a fight, don't stop to watch someone else's fight. You end up getting, like, hit in the head.

Fang: Think she realized that.

Me: Oh, look at this. Ari dies and all the Erasers die.

Fang: It's like at the end of Avengers, when all the aliens just die after the ship blows up.

Me: ...Shall I put warnings about there being Avengers spoilers in here, too?

Fang: Oops. Probably.

Me: Hold on...

Ok, there. Warned.

Fang: Good. Anyway, fight's over.

Me: Or is it?

Fang: Right. Because it turns out that we can't trust the little Bieber wannabe after all. I was right.

Me: -eyeroll- Fang...

Fang: He punched my nose. Which was already broken. That's just cruel. Jeez, you'd think if any of these creeps trying to kill me actually cared, like they say they do, about me not being tortured or in pain, they'd bring a gun or something. One bullet to the head. Much less painful.

Me: Don't say that.

Fang: Poison. I might never even know.


Fang: What? Just making a point.

Me: It's upsetting.

Fang: Surprised you didn't point out Dylan saying, "I'm so sorry." to Max.

Me: I bet J.P. is a David Tennant fan. Which means, despite his writing, he can't be all bad. Gives me a warm fuzzy.

Fang: Oh jeez...

Me: The next chapter here, with Dylan trying to kill you, reminds me of Sherlock Holmes. The movie, that is, with that beautiful man named Robert Downey Jr.

Fang: -eyeroll-

Me: It reminds me of when Sherlock's in a fight and he kind of plays the whole fight out in slow motion in his head.

Fang: Except he didn't figure in Max protecting me.

Me: Thank God. This part got to me. Begging one love of your life to stop trying to kill the other one.

...Ok, now it seems kinda funny...

But I was freaking out when I first read it.

Fang: Like you were freaking out when Dylan finally flew the coop and everyone thought I was dead.

Me: I didn't freak out that much. Pretty obvious you weren't dead yet.

Fang: Plenty of time left for you to freak out over Max finally finding out that everyone can hear the Voice.


Fang: Wonder if I heard it while I was unconcious.

Me: -shrugs- Anyway, we already know what they're being told, so let's move on. We have Dr. Martinez in a helicopter!

Fang: And she's... On the side of good again?

Me: I was freaking out again here. Like, is she gonna turn on them? Try to kill Fang with something? Is it a trap?

But no, it wasn't. It was just evil Jeb mind control. And I'm actually ok with that because I really love Dr. M and just don't want her to be evil. So, whatever, I'm happy to have her back.

Fang: Once again, need to ask, though. Who the HELL is this 'Nino' guy?! Where did he come from?

Me: It'd be kind of cool if he were secretly one of the Flock's parents or at least a family member, who chose not to tell them because he thought their lives were complicated enough.

Fang: You and your headcanons.

Me: They never end. Whoever he is aside, he's got a jet to get the Flock out of there, thank God. Not a good place.

Fang: I'm... Glad Max saved Jeb.

Me: Me, too.

Fang: She's no murderer. It's one thing in self-defense. It's another to leave someone to die.

Me: And I would've thought you'd be all for leaving him to rot.

Fang: Guess I'm surprising, huh? Or maybe it's that I've had time to grow up.

Me: Oh, right. Because you became a ma- -bursts out laughing-

Fang: -sigh-

Me: At least you're awake now. And... I guess it's really great to wake up staring at Max's face.

Fang: It is...

Me: It's beautiful.

Fang: MmmHmmm...


Fang: -eyeroll-

Me: You guys just... Watch each other through the whole flight. It's just so... Omg... If James Patterson can't write anything else right, he can at least write great Fax.

Fang: I would hope so.

Me: Well, this is J.P.

Fang: True. Is kind of surprising, in a way.

Me: Oh, Fang! Look what's next!

Fang: Is that another awesome black page?!

Me: It is!

Fang: Exciting!

Me: All we need now is some italics!

Fang: The word 'right' is in italics on the page before.

Me: Oh, italics!

Spiffy: Can you to stop?

Both: NO!

Pooky: Why do you bother?

Spiffy: Futile hope, my friend.

Me: Anyway, now we're at Paradise. In which the Flock is whisked away to an island paradise where they will be safe.

Fang: Can I just say... I made this suggestion awhile ago, and no one listened to me then. But now it's a good idea? Can I just say... 'I told you so'? Can I hear a 'you were right'?

Me: Get over yourself.

Fang: How the heck did this guy get his own island, anyway?

Me: I'm sorry, I think any guy with that much money in their world should automatically seem suspicious.

Fang: Plot twist: He owns Itex.

Me: It would make sense. It's a huge corporation that owns, like, everything.

Fang: Maybe Itex locked him out like Stark Industries locked Tony Stark out in Ironman, so now he's trying to get back at them by helping us.

Me: Plot Twist: Nino Pierpont is an alias for Tony Stark. And Itex is a rival corporation.

Fang: And yet another crossover plot...

Me: He goes by Nino Pierpont so Itex doesn't know it's him. And you never see pictures of him, so they'd never know.

Fang: Or he wears a disguise.

Me: Yes! He learned the art of disguise from reading the journal of his many-times great-grandfather, Sherlock Holmes!

Fang: Ok, this is getting crazy.

Me: Mwahahahaha...

Fang: We even each get our own treehouse.

Me: Well, kinda...

Fang: -shrugs- Shit happens. My treehouse now.

Me: That one line, though. About you not be... Expected. Makes me think they didn't expect you to survive. Like, at first I thought they just didn't expect you to be with the Flock, for you and Max to reconcile. But now reading it a second time, just the way she said it... No one reckoned you were the survivor you are, obviously.

Fang: Way to underestimate, world.

Me: Hey, another thought. Are such treehouses actually buildable? Like, with real trees? I mean, maybe with fake trees, like build a house that looks like a tree. But I'm not sure how such opulent houses could be built out of real trees.

Fang: And either way, the cost of building these... Enormous.

Me: I'm beginning to think Nino is the biggest plot hole of them all.

Fang: Isn't there a name for him? Deus ex machina?

Me: Fang! You are learning! I'm so proud.

Fang: I pick up stuff here and there.

Me: Anyway, basically. He's thrown in to solve a couple of unsolvable plot issues. Actually, now that I'm thinking of it, maybe J.P. shouldn't be as infamous for his plot holes as he should be of his overuse of deus ex machina. He's got random characters, skills, powers, plot devices, etc. that just suddenly crop up at the right time to fix everything. Like... Total randomly growing wings. Nino. Nudge's ability to fix cars in book 2 that is suddenly ignored. And-

...Hey? What happened to Max's super speed?

Fang: What?

Me: Back up a bit. When Fang was chasing Max earlier, he kept up with her. I mean, sure, he had to hold on to her ankle, but she said he was matching her wingstroke for wingstroke and that he was the only one who could keep up with her. Like, what about your super-speed?

Fang: Maybe sharing her DNA finally kicked in for me.

Me: Should've been mentioned.

Fang: Let's keep going forward, huh?

Me: Hey! There just happens to be more winged kids! Yay!

Fang: And Ella was rescued, but this wasn't considered important to mention until just now!


Fang: Look at all the PDA...

Me: I just want to pretend the book ended right there because I am a sucker for happy endings. Pick on me all you want. Tell me I read books with no real depth or whatever. Don't care. I like Happily Ever After. It gives me hope. It gives me joy. My life is crappy enough without reading about other's crappy lives.

Fang: But it doesn't end.

Me: -sigh- No, not yet. And I guess the ending was... Well, let's continue.

Fang: And now the catch comes in.

Me: And the catch is... Get this. They're the only ones who will survive because every non-mutant will be killed off by a form of...

Both: Avian Flu.

Me: This is more than just irony of them being avian hybrids.

Fang: You just want it to be.

Me: Avian Flu...

Fang: Saint, don't read into it.

Me: I'll try... But... Avian Flu...

Fang: -sigh- I know.

Me: Anyway, so the name of the virus is H8E. Which is just... Seriously, J.P.?

Fang: How... Creative. Not.

Me: So it turns out the island and the protective caves belong (now with magical force field technology!) were created to protect the muta- I'm sorry, 'enhanced kids' from this evil virus, which, oh no, it has no cure because it mutates too fast.

J.P., darling. These are not plot points you introduce in the last few chapters. You introduce this in the middle or near the beginning and work from there. These are all awesome ideas. You've had many awesome ideas.

You can't use them all in one book series, though.

Fang: Preach. So, now we know what's killing the world. We just have to wait for it to run its course and hope to God it doesn't get to us.

Me: Seems you should just head straight down to the caves and protect as many as you can. ...Or find a way to put the magically impossible force field over the whole island.

I mean, it's a magically impossible force field, why not?

Fang: Technically, it is magically possible. Maybe Nino is friends with Harry Potter?

Me: Plot twist: Yer a wizard, Nino.

Oooo! Another possible Fang's immortal blood theory! His parents were dark wizards who fed him some sort of unicorn blood potion that-

Fang: STOP!


Fang: -facepalm-

Me: Ok, stopping...


Fang: Here we go again...

Me: The way he moves, the glossy black wings, picks her up and carries her, CALLED HER SEXY!

Fang: Yes, Saint. Welcome to what should be my personal life.

Me: ASDHFJGJKJL;JHGFHJ. God, this is too much. It's beautiful.

Heh, called her Sexy. You only call her that when you're alone?

Fang: And here's yet another erroneous Doctor Who reference...

Me: Is she your TARDIS?

Fang: -sigh- No. Max is not my blue box that travels through time and space. She's human.

Me: I'm thinking you'd like a chance to take her for a ride...

Fang: Stop.

Me: A maximum ride.

Fang: Could you NOT make everything suggestive right now?

Me: Too late.

Fang: You're impossible.

Me: Omg, Fang says, "Welcome to the real world."!

Fang: And that is cool... Why?


Fang: Oh jeez...

Me: And Max complaining they can't drink alcohol. First of all, Max, it won't really help much, trust me.

...Unless you plan on getting Fang drunk. That is one great entertainment piece, let me tell you.

Fang: -eyeroll- Shut up.

Me: Second... Those are U.S. laws. You're on a tropical island. I don't even know if it has laws.

Fang: Don't think it matters. Nino probably didn't supply any alcohol.

Me: Please, the guys the typical multi-billionaire. He has a stash of alcohol somewhere. Scotch. Martini mix. Wine. Whatever else rich guys drink.

Fang: Something on the rocks.

Me: Disaronno?

Fang: Are we really discussing alcohol right now?

Me: Yep. We are.

Fang: Think we should move on.

Me: Moving... So, Max wants to know who she is now. Well, who doesn't?

Fang: Hey, she did just lose her point in life.

Me: True. Very true. Hey, I say make your current purpose in life getting all up on that-

Fang: PLEASE do not finish that sentence.

Me: Oh, please... You're not that against it...

Fang: Saint...

Me: You've been looking...

Fang: More Doctor Who?

Me: You like it. ;)

Fang: Stop.

Me: We cannot deny the mild sexual tension throughout this book.

Fang: Oh, jeez...

Me: Since Max won't let herself, I'll relish in this moment of Faxness. All curled up in that hammock. All that sexiness...

Fang: Ok, stop. You're heating up the room again.

Me: It's 'cause you're in it. And I'm looking at you and imagining this scene with you in it...

Fang: Ok, stop.

Me: Sorry, excuse my hormones. You know, I will say, I'm not so sure about how willing you are to just let the rest of the world die.

Fang: Look at it this way. I'm sick of fighting and failing. I finally have Max, I'm finally back with my Flock. I just want to say screw it to the rest of the world and stop.

Me: Alright, understandable. Now shush. Probably the most perfect Fax moment ever is happening.

Fang: Though that was earlier.

Me: No, that was a great and amazing Fax moment, but this one... I want that kiss. Fang, give me that kiss.

Fang: Ha ha, no.

Me: And then some stupid earth-shaking explosion thing had to go ruin what most undoubtedly would've been a hammock sex scene.

Fang: Good thing, or we'd have to up the age range for this book a bit.

Me: Damn it.


Me: Oh, shush, he's trying to save you guys.

Fang: And I'm looking for a reason to break his wings and throw him off the side of the treehouse.

Me: And then you find out, oh, hey, wish it was just a plague.

Fang: Something is hurtling towards Earth.

Me: Alien spacecraft!

Fang: Saint...

Me: Autobot!

Fang: Sto-

Me: Decepticon!

Fang: I-

Me: Space Whale!

Fang: Rea-

Me: Mjolnir!


Me: Fine...

Fang: Only one thing to do now.

Me: Wait for the Doctor to show up?

Fang: ...Can you stop?

Me: Nope.

Fang: Well, there goes Dylan, off to save everyone.

Me: And, for once, you two kind of look like a couple of idiots. Sorry, would've given Dylan a little more credit.

Fang: I have trouble trusting people who've tried to kill me.

Me: You exploded, though. Wow.

Fang: I have my moments.

Me: Through this part of the book, I'm beginning to wonder if you guys really didn't believe there was anything going on, or if you were in extreme denial. Interesting how you finally listen to Angel, but Dylan gets ignored.

Fang: How is that interesting?

Me: Which of those two was actually the most backstabbing?

Fang: Dylan tried to kill me.

Me: But think about his reasons.

Fang: I didn't know them.

Me: ...Fine. So, Max gets this idea that she's got time to fly back to the U.S. Because she's still convinced it's the 99 percent creeps. UH, HELLO?! EARTH TO MAX AND FANG! Wait, no, you guys are on Earth. Let me rephrase that.






Fang: The meteor is a character, too?

Me: Plot Twist:

The UFO is being flow by...

"To the citizens of Earrrrrth! We have but one warning for you!





Me: Plot Twist:

-trasmission intercepted-

"No one panic down there! I'm the Doctor! If someone could just get a Ms. Sarah Jane Smith, Captain Jack Harkness, and Martha Jones on the line with me, we'll have these Daleks out of the sky in no time!"

Fang: -facepalm-

Me: Anyway, so you two are stupidly going to your deaths...

Fang: Hey, world's ending. What the hey, right?

Me: Oh, and J.P. decides to throw in one surprise plot twist here at the end- Oh, wait, that was stupid and insanely predictable.

Fang: Newsflash, everyone! Angel's the Voice.

Me: It doesn't work out. Doesn't make sense. It just... No. I honestly think J.P. suddenly realized, at the last second, "Oh, I haven't explained who the Voice is yet!" and made it Angel. It's dumb, it should've been someone outside the Flock, just no.

But oh well...

Fang: I was honestly rooting for your theory that it was James Patterson himself.

Me: Thank you. I also had a theory that it was the Doc-

Fang: STOP!

Me: -sigh- FINE! You know, though, it was never really proven that Angel was the Voice. She still could have been reading Max's mind and trying to get her to stay by convincing her she was the Voice.

Fang: So we may never truly know...

Me: Yep, because, after a lovely Faxy moment, the sky lit up on fire.



Fang: That's about what Saint was yelling at the book.

Me: And then, a crack opened in the sky.

And I knew.

A crack in time.




Fang: ...Did you seriously just tell me to calm my tits?

Me: Well, you certainly don't have balls, with all this bitching you're doing.

Fang: Oh my God...

Me: And after that decent burn, let's move on here...

Speaking of burns, you and Max almost got burned into oblivion here. Nice job with that.

Fang: No one's perfect.

Me: And now you're falling out of the sky, which seems to be equally falling...

Fang: Where's Chicken Little when you need him?

Me: I know, right?

Fang: Oh, God.

Me: What?

Fang: We're at that part. The part where you had a panic attack. You were screaming and yelling and weren't breathing right. I thought you were gonna pass out.

Me: Don't worry. Won't happen this time. I'm prepared.

Finally, my OTP say those words. Those so-important words...

I love you.

They say they love each other and then they die.

Sucked down by a huge tsunami.


Thanks to Fang, I don't need to tell you my reaction.

I was upset, angry. It can't end that way.

It just can't.

I chalked it up to the most horrible of horrible endings I'd ever read.

It ruined everything.

Not to mention that nagging thought at the back of my head, going, "BUT YOU GUYS CAN BREATHE UNDERWATER, COME ON! I mean, sure, that wave would have some crushing weight to it, BUT PLEASE NO!

Not Max. Not the first character I ever truly related to.

Not Fang. Not my baby, my love, my favorite of favorites.

Not Fax. Not my OTP.

Just no.

I turned the page, hoping for some salvation from this.

And yeah, Fang, black page. Don't care.

Anyway, instead I get 'Max's Last Words'. OH COME ON, NO!

I will say, Max's last words have meaning. I think everyone should try to 'save the world', so to speak. My mom used to have this saying, "If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything. I'm not saying we should all become extreme activists or anything, but I believe everyone should have something they stand for. Whether it be a world issue, a local issue, a religous belief, a moral belief, or even just standing up for a friend who needs you. Save the world by saving that which means the most to you in it.

Max stood for her Flock, her family. She stood up against those who would try to hurt others.

Despite plot holes and deus ex machinas, we can at least take that away. That one piece of good advice.


Fang: It was at this point, I encouraged Saint to turn the page, secretly praying for a miracle.

So, yeah, thanks God.


Me: What?

Fang: I owe God some money in the offering plate in your church as well as some community service for that.

Me: You're not supposed to bargain with God.

Fang: Life or death situation. I wanted to make sure he was listening.

Me: -facepalm-

But yes, then I listened to my little birdy and turned the page.


Me: But no italics. -headshake-

Turning the page again...

Fang: Your little 'But they have gills!' freak-out was right on, Saint.

Me: -nods- I have to say, I freaked a bit when it was Dylan who pulled her out of the water and back into reality. Like, 'Why not Fang? Omg, he didn't die, did he?! NO!'

But no. He's alright. Making a splint for Max.

Making Fax final.



And Dylan is done, it seems. Done trying to be what he was created to be and ready to be what he wants to be, and needs to be.

The world is done. Done being what it once was. Starting to become something new.

It's all done.

Fang: And ready to start over as something new.

Me: Yep. ...Hey, didn't I predict J.P. was gonna end the world in my last review?

Fang: -nods- Nailed it.

Me: -fistpump- Another point for me!

Fang: So... That's it, then?


Fang: Oh, jeez...

Me: But seriously. J. this series where it should have started. He could start a whole new series from this.

Not that I think he will. But he could. And should.

Exploring this post-apocalyptic world. New dangers, new enemies (since I doubt all the crazies are dead), Fang's still got the immortality DNA which, in a world like this, if someone could find a way to still experiment with it, it'd be valuable.

So much could be done-



Fang: What now?

Me: I wonder if your immortal DNA comes from the fact that your own DNA was combined with Max's and, as so many forget, Iggy's when you had the blood transfusion?

Fang: Wow, Saint. A not-crossover-related theory. How odd.

Me: Yeah, I like you being a Time Lord better.

Fang: Saint...

Me: Can it.

Fang: So, any final thoughts, Saint? Now that we've basically read through the whole book again?

Me: Well, doing this review, which took Fang and I around two months, with everything else that's been going on in our busy lives, has given me a chance to think over it again.

I've decided, despite its many flaws, I'm as happy as I can be with it.

Let's face it, people. It's Maximum Ride. We true fans have learned not to expect perfection when it comes to plot and continuity. But, for some strange reason, we're addicted to it. We adore it. We need these characters. We need their crazy, sometimes confusing lives. We need them more than we need perfection in plot.

Nevermore did the best it could to bring an end to this series. There's no way it could've been perfect. No way it could've fixed every flaw in this series.

Give this book a realistic point of view opinion, and suddenly, it's not that bad.

For me, anyway, it was... Pretty good.

No 'The Angel Experiment' or 'School's Out - Forever', but, hey, at least it's better than 'The Final Warning', right?

Fang: I got Max back. My Flock survived. I don't see any reason for me not to like this book. I've got the two things most important to me, I don't see how anything else matters.

Me: Yeah, looking at it from Fang's POV, it's a great book.

Now, I know not everyone liked it. Some hated it. Fine by me. Just my opinions here.

And hey, if you really hated it that much...

There's always fanfiction. :)

Fang: Speaking of which, you need to do some updates of that.

Me: Ugh. Trust me, I know. I've just been trying to finish this review.

Fang: While simultaneously obsessing over your Maximum Ride RP group on Tumblr.

Me: Hey, can't help it if I rp with the best Max rper ever. :D

Oh, and that I'm you.

Fang: -eyeroll- Don't remind me...

Me: And, not to shamelessly plug, but we still need a Ratchet, a Holden, and a Jeb.

And Dr. Martinez. Almost forgot.

Just look up 'flockleadermaxride' 'fnickissuperman' or 'maxriderp' on Tumblr.

Fang: Ok, stop. Seriously. That's annoying.

Me: Sorry. Had to.

Fang: Speaking of Tumblr...

Me: Later. Right now... You know, I think I've said everything I can say about Nevermore. Anything else can come out in fanfiction.

Fang: So... Are we done?

Me: No, something's missing...

Nevermore's done, this review is through,

But there is something we must do.

This Corner must live up to it's name, you see.

So poetry somewhere there must be!

Me: There. Much better.

Hobbits: -thunderous applause-

Fang: Hm. Forgot they were here.

Spiffy: Trust me. I didn't. -.-

Pooky: Aw, come on! They're fun!

Spiffy: For you.

They are rowdy

They a loud.

My family does not

Make me proud.

Spiffy: I sort of prefer some order, you know?

Pooky: Stick in the mud.

Fang: So we're descending into mindless poetry, huh?

Saint, I see your point here.

Poetry there must be.

But I think you are forgetting

Something important they need to see.

Me: -sigh- Yes, yes, I know. Next chapter.

Fang: Next chapter?

Me: I'm posting another chapter after this one. Maybe not directly after, but...

Well, dear readers...


Oh, heck, you'll find out when I post it!

Spiffy: Way to make them panic...

Me: Oh, jeez. Yeah, don't panic. It's not what you're probably thinking, trust me.

Just patience, my dears.

Pooky: They should be good at waiting, by now.

Me: Hoping to fix that a bit...

Fang: ...Yeah, you know, I think we're done here.

Me: ...Yeah, I'd add more, but... This is gonna be really freaking long as it is. Oops. Sorry, folks.

Fang: Just R&R it and you can work on that next chapter.

Me: Right...

So, R&R, my dears! What were your thoughts?

Fang: Love it? Hate it?

Spiffy: Hate my family?

Pooky: -punches Spiffy-

Me: Alright. Let's do this thing.

-Saint and Fang, 'nevermore' will they be reviewing.

(and thank God, because that was unnecessarily long-winded of them.)

45. The End Is Where Everything Changes

Me: So, hey there, everyone.

Fang: If you can still bear reading our dialogue, after that 'review'.

Me: Tell me about it. So, I warned that there would be another 'chapter'. And this is it.

If you can call it a chapter.

What I'm about to do here is something I've been giving a lot of thought to. I'm not the writer I used to be, I'm not the writer I could be. I'm not the person I could be And this bothers me.

It's finally occurred to me that something needs to change.

And I've finally worked up the guts to make some changes.

Let me start at the beginning.

When I first started writing on here, I was nothing. At least, I felt like it. I was so... Mediocre. Mundane. I never tried to be anything special. Never wanted to be anything special. Didn't think I was capable of being anything but 'normal'.

And definitely not brave enough to think of trying.

But then, fanfiction. The Maximum Ride fandom.

Being on here gave me passion. It gave me purpose. It made me realize that I could dare to dream, needed to dare to dream bigger than just 'living'. I could do more than just grow up, work, get married, pop out a couple kids and die.

I could change my fate. I could change the world.

All I needed to do was write.

But with good, came bad. Like an ego the size of Uganda.

Seriously, who did I think I was? 'St. Fang of Boredom', with her followers, her fansite, her petition. That stupid contest.

I'm not as popular as I used to be. The name 'Saint' doesn't suddenly cause uproars in chatrooms and forums anymore.

And I'm kind of glad.

...Ok, I'd be lying if I didn't say I wanted some of that back. I liked being liked, for once. That taste of popularity, even, dare I say it, fame.

But I did exactly what I swore to myself I wouldn't do. I used it. Used it for my own selfish reasons.

And so, I fell from grace, so to speak.

Ok, it wasn't all that. I'm also too busy to update regularly. And my motivation sucks.

I've got too many fics going.

But the way I've acted is what I'm embarrassed most about. Is what I regret most.

And when, yes when, I finally publish a book, I hope I'll remember what I learned from this experience.

But for now, I need to fix what I can. So I'm making some changes that I believe will:

-Make updating easier, therefore more frequent

-Motivate me to write and love what I write

-Cut my ego down to size a bit

-Cut down on Fang's bitching (maybe)

-Help me to improve on my writing rather than have it stay at basically the same quality

-Make me a part of this fandom, that I love so much, again.

Fang: Make me stop bitching?

Me: Well, you'll have less to do.

Fang: Fair enough. Saint's talked this over a lot with me. I think, for the most part, you'll all like what we have to say. Though this first announcement might sting a bit.

Me: Our first change...

This is the last Poetry Corner chapter.

I'm done with this. It's not writing as much as just... Fang and I talking. Which I know was once requested by a lot of people, a fic of just us talking. But, jeez, that's why I have a Tumblr. Follow me there.

Fang: I don't appear there as much.

Me: Still. This is another thing I feel obligated to update as long as it's active and... It's too much for something that isn't writing.

And, on that note, I'm ending Fanfiction Meets YouTube as well.

It's just too much.

Fang: And, since I don't use it, Fang's Journal will be meeting its end soon, too.

Me: Fanfiction Meets YouTube and Fang's Journal will each be getting a farewell chapter, of sorts before being marked as complete.

I will NOT be taking any of these fics down, for the simple fact that people may still enjoy reading them. So they stay. Want to argue the whole 'they're not real fanfics' thing with me? Don't bother. I honestly don't care.

I have enough stress in my life without fighting with self-appointed 'Fanfiction Police'.

That said...

I can't thank all of you enough for following along with this insanity. And for all the kind, helpful, and entertaining reviews I've gotten on this fic and others over the time I've been on here.

You people inspire me.

I'd like to take a second to also thank all of you again who were so awesome towards me when my mom passed away. Maybe you thought you weren't doing much when you left that simple little comment, sending your condolences, but it meant so, so much to me. Thank you.

Fang: Despite the fact that I think you're all crazy, hey, it's been a fun kind of crazy for me, too. I might actually miss coming up with ridiculous rhymes and stuff. We've got some awesome memories catalogued here.

Me: That we do. But I think it's time we catalogue them elsewhere. Like Tumblr.

Fang: You'd have to use your actual blog, not you rp blog, to do that.

Me: Yeah, I know. I have an addiction. Sue me.

Fang: But we have more news.

Me: I've made a decision. When I first started out on here, having a sort of 'secret identity' was necessary for me. I didn't want people to know the real me because the real me kinda sucked.

After a while, though, it was almost a gimmick, adding mystery to this popular fanfic writer.

Another little ego boost, basically.

Well, to start off, I am, in no way, done being Saint.

I love this part of me, this part of my life. I just think it's time we connect these two pieces and make them whole.

Fang: Figured, with Maximum Ride ending, so should the mystery.

Me: I'm done hiding behind a screen name. If I'm going to keep writing on here, it's going to be all of me here.

Besides, keeping secrets is too much work.

So, let's start small.

For starters, I live in New Hampshire.

God, let me relish in this moment.

Fang: You ok there?

Me: You know how much I love this state of mine. NH is an awesome place. Ok, so not much happens here and our taxes suck, but I love it here. I'm proud to be from here.

Fang: I hate the weather here.

Me: Wait five minutes-

Fang: I know, it'll change...

Me: So, yes. NH. It's why I love that whole "We can't get married!" "You could in New Hampshire!" quote. I'm like "I KNOW A JUSTICE OF THE PEACE!"

Fang: Mrs T...

Me: Correct. She loves doing weddings.

Fang: Let's take another step here.

Me: This one... It's hard...

Fang: Just say it.

Me: After all this time. This one piece of information I've guarded more closely than anything else...

Fang: Saint, it's no big deal. Just-

Me: You say it.

Fang: ...What?

Me: Say it.

Fang: Stop-

Me: You need to say it. It's only right.

Fang: Saint-

Me: Please. I can't.

Fang: ...Neither can I.

Me: ...

Fang: ...

Me: Just say it.

Fang: No.

Me: Fang, come on!

Fang: -sigh- Alright.


I can't.


Fang: This is hard! I'm, like, trained not to say it!

Me: Could you help me out a little here?!

Fang: I don't see why you can't-



Me: ...Thanks.

Fang: -gulps-

Me: What?

Fang: Pretty sure The Powers That Be will strike me where I stand for that. Any minute.

Me: Oh, chill.

Fang: It's worse than saying 'Voldemort' in the middle of the Ministry of Magic.

Me: -eyeroll- Alright, everyone. Now you know. Rebecca. Rebecca Marie. My last name I get from my father, so is therefore unimportant. Though I'm sure, as time goes on, you'll all find it out eventually. I'm not keeping it a secret. I'm letting you guys take your time to hunt me down on the internet. :P

But Rebecca Marie. I love my name. The name my mom dreamed up for me before I was even a thought. Five years old and telling my grandmother that she wanted a daughter named Rebecca.

I've gone by a lot of names and nicknames. But today, I get to officially combine my three favorites, the three that define me.

As far as you all need to be concerned, my name is Rebecca St. Marie.

...But you can all continue to call me Saint.

Seriously. Get all your 'Rebeccas, Beccas, Becks, and Beckys out now. I have a rule. I don't care what you call me, but once you start calling me by one form of my name, or by one nickname, you need to stick with it. There are only a few exceptions to this rule, and none of you are one of them.

Basically, if you all start calling me, like, Becca on here, it's gonna weird me out. Stupid, but that's me.

Fang: So, now you know. A fandom's curiosity is satisfied.

Me: I will next be changing some things, such as my profile and stuff, to fit this new bit of info.

Fang: Meaning?

Me: My real name and state plastered in places. Oh, and pictures.

Fang: Now, that'll be new.

Me: Very. And that's fine. No more mystery. Just me.

Fang: And me.

Me: Yeah, and you. :) Shall I post pictures of you, too?

Fang: I actually have perfectly good reasons to be paranoid on the internet, so that's a no.

Me: -eyeroll- Alright... Oh, a note! Please, if you find, like, my actual Facebook, unless I actually know you as more than just someone who reviews my fics sometimes, DON'T add me. I have an insane amount of people on there as it is, people who I barely know and don't talk to. I'm sorry, but I'm trying to cut it down to people who I actually consider important pieces of my life, and though my reviewers are important, well... You guys catch my drift, right? Just stick to following my Tumblr and stuff, 'kay?

Speaking of which... May not be posting my updates to Twitter as much anymore because I barely use it anyway. Just sayin'.

Fang: That said...I think it's time to end this, Saint.

Me: End this chapter, anyway. And start a new one.

Fang: -nods- Right.

Me: So, on that note...

I've loved my time here.

It's been fun.

But this corner's journey is done.

It's time to move on, it's time to change.

Time for the stars to rearrange.

There are some things I will miss,

But I'm eager to start

Writing again

And following my heart.

I invite you to stay

For this new journey I'm on.

It won't be the same.

But it'll be just as fun.

Fang: See you all in the Author's Notes. :)

Me: And thank you. Just... I'll never thank any of you enough.

Fang: It's been awesome.

Me: McAwesomene.

Both: Bloody Wicked McAwesomene.

Me: I love you people.

Fang: And, again, thanks.

-Saint and Fang

Spiffy: What? We don't get to say goodbye?

Pooky: Quick! Before they notice we're here...

Spiffy: It's been fun! Catch you in other fics!

Pooky: Haven't seen the last of us, no way.

Spiffy: ...Why do you think Lady Saint and Lord Fang are in such a hurry?

Pooky: Uh, NaNoWriMo? She's doing it again this year. Plus all those fics that need updating. And the MaxRideRP on Tumblr.

Spiffy: Oh, yeah!

Pooky: They're coming! Quick! Just post it!

-Spiffy and Pooky