Maximum Ride and the Deathly Crossovers by Skye Maxwell

Welcome to my Maximum Ride parody crossover series! Each chapter is a oneshot that combines MR with another story. This is meant to be fun and definitely not meant to be taken seriously. If you're not familiar with a story that I use in a particular chapter, then it probably won't make as much sense or be as funny, but hopefully I'll eventually use a story you're familiar with, so look out for that. If you're looking for something more serious, then check out my other fics. There's plenty of serious junk there. But not here! Get ready for a maximumly whacked-out ride! Haha, get it? One more thing, I should probably tell you up front that this story is not my main priority when it comes to updating. Anyways, enjoy!

~Maximum Ride and the Deathly Crossovers~

Chapter 1: Maximum Ride + Camp Rock =

Maximum Camp Ride Rock

As I plummet toward my death in the awaiting lake below, I notice a pleasant sound amidst the roar of the panic in my brain. Is that… an angel singing? An angel singing and strumming the mandolin upon my entrance into heaven?

I think, Oh sweet, I'm going to heaven? This is unexpected…

As I fall, the angel's voice gets louder.

"You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing, I need to find you, I gotta find you. You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me, I need to find you, I gotta find you…"

Those are odd lyrics for an angel…

I flap my wings in one last futile attempt to save myself, but they don't help me any. I crash into the water that is surely my ticket to the pearly gates, but the angel's singing voice suddenly stops.

I frantically think, Why'd you stop singing? Please tell me you didn't change your mind about letting me into heaven. I know I curse once in a while, but it really helps to get people's attention… And I know I killed my brother that one time, but it was totally an accident! And he came back to life, anyway! And I know that I was plotting to get revenge on a lot of people, but… I never got it, so technically that shouldn't count!

As I plunge deeper into the water, unable to bring myself to the surface, I close my eyes, ready to accept my cruel fate. Suddenly, the angel voice returns, yelling this time. A second voice yells back, and I think, The angel has a friend? Wait, do angels duet?

Before I have time to further ponder the singing arrangements of heavenly beings, I hear a splash, and then feel strong arms pulling me upward. I suddenly realize the arms are the arms of the angel, saving me from an early watery grave!

The next thing I know, the owner of the second voice is pulling me up out of the water. I cough up all the water I'd swallowed… and some other things. Yeah, not pretty.

I wipe my mouth off and sit up, finally looking up at my rescuers. I look at the singing angel first, but when I see a wet, shirtless, attractive young male standing there, and an acoustic guitar leaning up against a tree behind him, I am slightly shocked.

"OMG! You're not an angel!" I exclaim. The fraud!

"You got that right, sister," the female ex-angel mutters under her breath, crossing her arms. The guy doesn't hear her.

"Um, no," the guy says slowly and a bit overdramatically. "Are you okay?" He offers me a hand to get up, saying, "My name is Shane Gray."

Now if this was someone I had known almost all my life and fought alongside in near-death battles like Iggy or Fang- especially Fang- I wouldn't let them help me up, but this is a good-looking complete stranger, so of course I take his hand with a huge, grateful smile on my face. I get on my feet, catching a jealous look on the girl's face.

"I'm fine," I say with another polite smile.

What do you know? I'm not dying anymore! Sweet.

"And who are you?" the girl asks.

"I'm Max," I say automatically. Oops. Forgot to lie about my name again. Oh well. "And you?"

"Mitchie," the girl says shortly, surveying me closely.

"What's that on your back?" Shane asks curiously, peering over my shoulder.

"Wings."

Oops. Forgot to lie about the wings again. Oh well.

"Yeah, got 'em sewed on by some mad scientists," I go on, spreading my wings out for them to see. I mean, they already saw them, so I might as well show them off and tell the kids the story.

"They were very inconsiderate, those mad scientists. Made my childhood kinda uncool. I was flying and got a huge headache and couldn't control my wings anymore. Yeah… the whole wing thing is kinda the reason I was falling outta the sky in the first place."

"Can I touch them?" Shane asks with wide eyes, reaching toward my wings.

I swat his hand down. "Not on a first date, sailor."

He smiles in a refreshingly charming way and says, "Does that mean there'll be a second date?"

"Um, hello? I'm right here! Remember me, Mitchie? The girl you were just singing to?"

"Did you say something, Richie?" Shane asks her, still staring at me.

"It's Mitchie! You're a jerk, Shane Gray!" Mitchie tosses her hair angrily and stomps away, angrily grabbing a large box of chips on her way.

"Bye bye," Shane says, still staring.

I suddenly remember something and get excited. "Hey, I heard your lyrics when I was falling. 'You're the voice I hear inside my head'? You have a Voice inside your head, too?"

Shane cocks his head in a barfishly cute puppy-dog way. "No," he says, slowly and overdramatically again. He smirks and his dark eyes seem to light up even more than they had the first time I looked into them. "You're kinda crazy."

"Uh…" I say in surprise, not knowing how to respond. Augh! How'd he know?

He went on, "Cute and crazy. I like that."

"You… like that?"

Wait. Cute? Me? Ew. Really? No. Me? Ew. No.

He interrupts my in-head one-worded sentence spiel, saying, "Yeah. When people are crazy, you can at least tell that they're being themselves. Their crazy selves, but themselves nonetheless."

"Yeah, this is me," I say, accepting the fact that I'm just being my crazy self.

He says, "I can never tell if people are being themselves around me, you know?"

You have no idea, I think.

"It must be the same for you, with the wings and all," he says.

Man, this guy is totally hawt, I think, but then I realize what I just thought and promise to slap myself later. But then, the strange thoughts continue. And he has such a pretty voice. I mean, I thought he was a freaking singing angel, for goodness' sake.

"Max?"

"Oh, um, yeah. I never know if people are being real around me either," I say, trying to snap out of it.

He magically produces two towels out of nowhere, draping one across my shoulders. He grabs his guitar and his shirts, stuffing them all under one arm. He then grabs my wrist and starts to pull me along, saying, "I'll take you to the camp nurse. She'll get you some dry clothes and make sure you're okay."

I start to protest, not wanting the nurse to see my wings and needing to get back to my flock.

But then, his hand slips from my wrist and around my hand, and my thoughts turn to, What flock? Cute boy. Squee. X3

And to top it all off, the Voice starts singing.

Oh, ho, ho, it's magic! You kno-o-ow, never believe it's not so!

Well, I guess that means the Voice thinks this is okay. And I never feel right doing things without getting the Voice's approval first.

"Wow," I say out loud.

"What?" Shane asks.

"Oh, nothing. It was just the Voice."

"Huh?"

"The Voice in my head. I just call it the Voice. It started singing to me."

"Cute and crazy," he repeats with a grin.

As I trot alongside Shane, I get a good look at him and realize something. "Wait, are you Shane Gray the pop star? The one my little sisters always obsess over?"

"I prefer rock star, but yes, that's me. That's why people are always faking around me."

My heart jumps a little. A rock star? I've always been into rock stars. Okay, no I haven't, but I can change!

"You know," I say, "You should play Fang in that upcoming Maximum Ride movie."

"Maximum Ride? I've never heard of it."

"It's a fantabulous book series that they're making into a movie in 2010."

"Oh, that's why I've never heard of it. I don't read books."

"Yeah, you don't look like the type." I tell him honestly. "Meh, books are overrated, anyway."

"You so get me," he says, smiling a perfectly white smile and pulling me into the nurse's cabin, shutting the door behind us.

Shane walked slowly back to his cabin, reveling over the amazing girl he'd just met.

As he entered his cabin, he was attacked with a big hug from his band mate, Jason.

"Surprise!" Jason exclaimed, dropping his magazine in his excitement. "We came to visit!"

Shane looked at the magazine on the floor. "You were reading?"

"Naw, just looking at the pretty pictures," Jason said, tightening the hug.

"Get off me, Jason," Shane said.

As Jason released Shane, Nate, the third member of Connect 3 stood up and came over to join them.

"So did you find the girl with the voice yet?" he asked.

Shane laughed, remembering his formerly all-important quest to find the girl that he heard singing the song that inspired him to change his music style back.

"No, I didn't find the girl with the voice. But I found a girl with a Voice." He chuckled again at the silly coincidence.

"I am so confused," Jason told them, scratching his head.

Shane explained, "I met this amazing girl named Max. She's kind of crazy and has a Voice that talks to her in her head."

"Awesome!" Jason said, giving Shane a high five.

"You're going all googly-eyed over a girl you just met who is partially insane?" Nate asked in disbelief.

"Pretty much," Shane said. "She's the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing."

"You're not singing!" Nate said, throwing his hands up in confusion.

"Where'd you find her?" Jason asked, completely curious.

"I was sitting by the lake with this girl whose name escapes me, and then Max just kinda… fell out of the sky."

Nate slapped his forehead. "Of course! Your perfect, crazy girl just fell out of the sky! I should have guessed that one!"

"Ignore Nate," Jason said. "That's so cool. I wish a girl would fall out of the sky for me. Now tell us more about Max. Is she preetttty?"

"Very pretty," Shane said, not able to stop smiling. "And she was tortured as a child by mad scientists and she has five brothers and sisters and she has a weird laugh and I thought she was going to die when she fell and she's really real and she has wings and she had to fly back to her family but we're going on a second date on Saturday night and she agreed to sing with me at Final Jam and our lives together are going to be just perfect and magical and…"

"Whoa, hold on," Nate interjected. "Mad scientists? Wings? Are you kidding me?"

"Of course he's not! He's in love with a winged woman!" Jason said with stars in his eyes.

"He's making her up. No freaking way," Nate said.

Jason came back down to earth and asked, "Does she really have wings, Shane?"

Shane gave them both the most genuine, honest, rock star smile he could give and said, "Yes, she has wings."

Jason smiled, knowing that he shouldn't have doubted Shane for a second. "You know what you should do for your new girlfriend, Shane?"

"What?" Shane asked, clearly very interested in anything that might make Max happy.

Jason said in a grand tone, "You should build her a birdhouse."

Bahaha. Ooc's galore!
Well, like I said, if you haven't seen the movie Camp Rock, you probably don't get this. Sorry.
Please review. :)

-Skye

You thought I would never update this, didn't you? Well, I did say it wasn't a priority... but I'm updating it right now, so there!

Chapter 2: Maximum Ride + Fairly OddParents =

Fairly OddMutants

"I can't believe Crocker is making me read this stupid book!" Timmy complained. He turned the book over in his hands. The library's fluorescent lights shone down on the book's shiny cover that said "Maximum Ride."

"I mean, come on!" Timmy continued, "Do you see these words? They're huge!"

Cosmo snatched the book and peered at the pages. "These words are big! Is this in Canadian?"

Wanda's large, pink eyes narrowed. "No, Cosmo. You're holding the book upside down."

Cosmo still looked confused, so Wanda moved her wand, poofing the book upright in Cosmo's hands.

His tongue stuck out of his mouth in concentration. "Nope," he said, shaking his head, "I still don't get it."

Wanda slapped her forehead in frustration.

Cosmo shrugged and chucked the book over his shoulder.

"Cosmo!" Wanda scolded, "You can't just throw books in the library like that!"

A glazed-over look appeared in Cosmo's eyes. "All I hear is Nag. Nag nag nag. Naggity nag. Nag. Nag nag. Naaaaaag."

Wanda changed her wand into a baseball bat-sized smoked sausage and whapped Cosmo in the back of the head with it. He dropped to the ground, unconscious.

"So, Timmy-" Wanda said conversationally.

He didn't answer.

"Timmy?"

Timmy had fallen asleep with his head on the library table, and he was snoring violently. Wanda shook his shoulder. He began talking in his sleep in between loud snores.

"Hate- libraries- books- stupid- big words- wish- RAINING DUCKS!"

"Not again," Wanda sighed. There was a poof, and ducks began raining down throughout the library, quacking angrily when they hit the ground.

"Quaaack!" exclaimed a rather large duck as it collided with Timmy's head.

"THEY MADE ME WEAR THE FRILLY DRESS!" Timmy screeched, waking up abruptly.

"Quack!" went another duck as it smacked Timmy in the noggin.

"Ow! Oh my gosh, it's raining ducks!"

"Nice observation, Einstein," Wanda said from underneath an umbrella.

"Make it stop!" Timmy cried girlishly.

Wanda cleared her throat and crossed her arms, looking at Timmy expectantly.

"Please?"

Wanda smiled at getting her way and then turned the duck-rain off.

Timmy rubbed his aching head and glared at Wanda as she poofed her umbrella away.

"Timmy, it's about time you learn to use some common courtesy…"

"Naggy nag nag! Nag nag!" Cosmo sang as he woke up and returned to Wanda's side.

Wanda made the sausage reappear, taking a swing at Cosmo. Cosmo saw stars as Wanda poofed his mouth into a zipper and zipped it closed.

She proceeded to poof the Maximum Ride book back in front of Timmy, saying, "Timmy, you really need to read this book and do your report, or Mr. Crocker will give you another F! Don't put it off until the last minute like you always do! Plus you know your parents won't let you go to the Chip Skylark concert if you fail another assignment."

Hearts appeared in Cosmo's eyes at the mention of Chip Skylark's name. He poofed up a banjo and began to play 'My Shiny Teeth and Me', but Wanda made the banjo explode in his face.

"Alright, alright, Mrs. Nag. Were you listening to what Crocker said the report was on?" Timmy said, flipping the book over.

"Well, he didn't say to do a report on what the summary on the back cover says, that's for sure!" Wanda said, flipping the book back over so that Timmy couldn't read the summary on the back.

Timmy glared at her. "That's just cruel."

Wanda frowned and crossed her arms. "Timmy, would it kill you to just do your work- I don't know- right and on time for once in your life?"

"I don't know," he replied honestly, "I've never tried it before."

Wanda rolled her eyes. "Well, today is the day. Now, the report is a character analysis on the protagonist, Max."

"A character analawhat on the protagawho?"

Wanda tried to put in simpler terms for Timmy. "You have to write about the main character, Max."

"That's all? This should be a piece of cake!"

Cosmo's eyes grew wide with hunger at the mention of cake. He moved his wand, and a plate of colorful, dripping ice cream cake appeared in his hand, along with a bib around his neck. He tried to shove the cake in his mouth, but it was still zipped shut, and the cake got smashed all over his face and fell off as he made a sad whimper.

"Really?" Wanda asked in surprise, wondering where Timmy's sudden enthusiasm had come from.

"Of course! I wish-"

"Oh no you don't!" Wanda exclaimed, knowing what he was going to wish for.

Before Wanda could protest further, Timmy said, "I wish Max would come out of this book and help me with this stupid paper!"

Cosmo waved his wand to grant the wish as Wanda said, "Because that worked out so well the first time."

Cosmo and Wanda quickly disguised themselves as school supplies, Wanda as a pencil and Cosmo as an eraser. Max leaped out of the book, breathing hard and looking like she was just in a fight.

"Hey!" Timmy yelled indignantly, having thought Max was a boy, "You don't look like a guy!"

Max turned around and looked down at him, fists clenched.

"And you don't sound like a guy," she said. "Or dress like one, for that matter. Nice hat." She gestured to Timmy's trademark pink hat.

"My parents wanted a girl!" Timmy shouted defensively, as if that made him look better.

"Well, they got half of what they wanted," Max said.

"Oh, burn," Wanda said quietly.

Cosmo made a muffled sound, and Wanda poofed his zipper-mouth away.

"She's diesel," Cosmo whispered to Wanda in fear of the powerful-looking girl before him.

Wanda narrowed her eyes and poofed the zipper back.

Max leaned over the table and picked Timmy up by the shirt with one hand. "I am not a guy. Now who are you, and why am I here? You have two seconds to answer before I rip your two gigantic beaver teeth out of your mouth."

Timmy closed his eyes and squealed, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I just thought you were a boy because your name is Max! Please don't hurt me-"

Max dropped him back in his seat, ending his pathetic rant.

"I think we started off on the wrong foot," Timmy said nervously. "My name is Timmy Turner. You're in the town of Dimmesdale. I brought you here because I just need to ask you a few questions so I can write a report on you."

"How did you bring me here?"

"Uhh…" Timmy said, formulating an intelligent, believable lie. "Internet?"

"Oh," Max said, reasonably taking a seat across from Timmy at the table. "Well, make it quick, twerp, so I can get back to kicking Eraser butt."

"Nyih!" was the noise eraser-Cosmo made fearfully because of the zipper, ducking behind pencil-Wanda without Max's noticing.

"Okay, first question," Timmy said, pulling out a stack of question cards. "Do you like long, romantic walks on the beach?"

"What kind of stupid report is this? And no, I hate the beach. My best friend almost bled to death on a stupid beach, which accidentally led to romance, which I also hate, along with stupid emotions and talking to stupid pink-hatted twerps like you who mistake me for a guy just because my name is Max."

Timmy wrote on his note paper: Is very touchy when it comes to gender mistakes. Fails in the romance department. Is attracted to her best friend when he bleeds a lot. Has extreme anger issues. Wants to injure me for reasons unknown.

"Question two!" Timmy exclaimed, putting his hand on top of the paper so Max wouldn't see it and kill him. "My love for you burns with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. Will you marry me?"

"What?! No, you little freak!" Max shouted, trying hard not to barf.

"Oh wait, these are my 30-year-plan cards for Trixie! Haha, oops. Sorry, Max." He pulled out another stack of cards and stuffed the other ones back in the bag. "Okay, now, question one. What is your name?"

"I think you already know that. It's the title of the book. Remember? The name you thought was a guy's name?" she said angrily.

"Oh yes," Timmy said, scribbling Maximum Ride at the top of his paper. "Question two. What is your gender?"

Max folded her arms and said through gritted teeth, "Do you have a death wish?"

"No…" he said, oblivious as ever, "I can't. Da Rules say I'm not allowed to have a death wish."

"Da Rules? What rules?"

Before Timmy could make up a lie to tell her, someone burst through the library door and slammed it behind them. He stood there for a second, trying to catch his breath and wiping the sweat off of his brow.

"It's Chip Skylark!" Wanda swooned.

Max's head whipped around to look at the pencil and then Timmy. "Who said that?"

"Umm… I did?" Timmy lied. "My voice sounds womanly and naggy when I get excited."

"Oh. Okay then," Max said, giving Timmy a disapproving look for being such a feminine little boy. Her attention shifted back to Chip, and Timmy glared at Wanda, who mouthed "Sorry" and then zipped her own lips shut.

"Hey, Timmy!" Chip exclaimed, finally recognizing him from across the library. He made his way over and said, "How's it going, little man? You still taking care of those pearly whites?"

"You betcha, Chip! And I can't wait to see your next concert! Hey, were you just running away from someone?"

"Yeah, there was a mob of adoring fan girls… and your dad… chasing me, but it's cool because I know I'm safe in here."

"How do you know that, Chip?"

"My fan girls… and your dad… don't read. They hate books, unless they have pictures of me and my shiny teeth on them. Coming in here would be like exposing vampires to sunlight. They'd probably melt or burst into flames or grow second heads or something."

"Doesn't it bother you that your fan base is made up completely of idiots?" Max asked.

Chip thought about it for a second and then said with a smile, "No, not really." He then bent down and whispered to Timmy, "Timmy, my man, who is this lovely and diesel lady you're sitting with? She's so out of your league."

"I heard that," Max said, "and while I question your morals and am not that crazy about being called a lovely lady, I do appreciate the fact that you recognize that I'm a girl." She gave Timmy a good long glare as she said the last few words.

"It was an honest mistake!" Timmy said defensively.

"Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say, twerp," she said, rolling her eyes. "So, Chip, have you done any acting, or are you just a singer?"

"I've done a little acting, why?"

"I think you might be good at playing Fang in that Maximum Ride movie that's supposed to come out in the next few years."

"Maximum Ride? I don't think I've ever heard of that."

Max sighed and reached across the table, taking the book. She held it up for Chip to see and said, "It's a book that's going to be made into a movie. I take it you're like your fans and don't read books either."

"Yeah… I really don't," Chip said as he fanned himself with his hand. "I've felt like I was going to combust the whole time I've been in here. I'm sorry, guys, I gotta split."

"You're all hopeless," Max said dully. "Go out the back entrance, pretty boy."

"Good thinking. Nice to meet you, lovely lady!" Chip yelled over his shoulder as he ran to the back entrance. As soon as he opened the door, part of the mob of fan girls… and Timmy's dad… violently attacked Chip, tackling him to the ground and demanding to see his shiny teeth.

"I knew surrounding the building and waiting until he was about to combust would work!" Timmy heard his dad yell triumphantly as the door went shut.

"Send me back, twerp," Max said, not lifting a finger to go help Chip. "I need to go annihilate the Erasers with my fists."

Eraser-Cosmo whimpered and squirmed again, wanting to escape before Max killed him.

"You need to annihilate them with your fists? You sound like Jorgen. Are you sure you're not a guy?"

Max's patience fell through, and she said, "Hello, I'm Max, your fairy godmother, and since I don't play by Da Rules, I'm going to grant your death wish now."

She jumped across the table while Timmy screamed like a banshee and proceeded to annihilate Timmy with her fists. She then tied him in a knot and punted him like a football across the library, hitting the shelf of romance books and causing it to fall, causing a domino effect across the library.

Max wiped her hands on her jeans and smiled. "A job well done," she told herself. She then noticed Timmy's pink hat on the ground and picked it up. "I think I'll give this to Angel."

She began to walk back toward the table, and Cosmo became very frightened. He suddenly unzipped his mouth and squealed, "I know I'm an eraser, but please don't hurt me! I don't wanna be annihilated with your fists!"

Max's entire body went back into fighting mode at hearing his confession of being an eraser. "Eraser?! I'm going to annihilate you with my fists!" And with that she picked eraser-Cosmo up and began to annihilate him with her fists as he wailed in pain.

"No! Don't hurt me! I'm too young to die! Well, not really, but I don't wanna die! I'm too dumb to die! People need me around so they can look smarter! MOMMA, HELP ME!"

Max punted him across the library, unsympathetic to his cries.

As Wanda quietly raised her wand to poof Max back into her book while she wasn't looking, Max shook her head and said, "I just don't understand how everyone in this town can be so… dim."

Ahaha, get it? Dim? Because they live in... oh, never mind.
I hope you liked it. Which did you like better, this one or the first Camp Rock chapter? Tell me, because it won't hurt my feelings either way! Thanks!

-Skye

So, I intended for this to have at least ten chapters, but since I'm averaging less than one update per year (lol), I'm thinking this story won't be going too much further. I might do another chapter or two. Eventually. I actually started writing this chapter like a billion years ago, but I'm just now finishing it.

Anyways! Potter time! Disregard the actual timeline/years of these two stories; they are now in present-day. This is somewhere in the middle of the Maximum Ride series and, despite the title of this story as well as the title of this chapter, somewhere toward the beginning of the Harry Potter series, when Hermione was annoying and had huge hair! :D Please enjoy.

Maximum Ride + Harry Potter =

Harry Potter and the Half-Bird Kids

The CSM keeps finding the weirdest places for us to hide out…

They've stuck us in the underground tunnel system of Peru, in a convent in Switzerland, and just last month we were touring Canada with a traveling circus. And we thought we were freaks.

This time, I told the CSM that Fang and I were going to scout out their new location while the rest of the flock waited at the CSM headquarters. They've arranged for us to live with one of their associates, but they didn't tell us much about him except for that he's a teacher and that he lives on the campus of a school. We don't know much about the school either, except that it's in a really remote location and is "somewhat of an eclectic private school," according to Dr. Martinez.

Whatever that means…

The two of us were flying over this creepy-looking forest when we spotted the little cabin we were supposed to be looking for just past the trees. Just then, a man emerged from the front door of the cabin and waved both arms up at us. I nodded to Fang, and we angled ourselves downwards.

"He's huge," Fang commented as we descended.

"And hairy," I added. "I think I'll call him Hairy."

We landed in front of the man (a.k.a. Hairy), and he beamed at us.

"Well, if that ain't the dernedest thing," the bearded giant said, looking at our wings in wonder. "I been 'specting you two. Miss Martinez told me all 'bout yer situation. It's an awful thing they done to you when you were youngin's, but I must say, the wings sure are mighty impressive. Oh, the name's Rubeus Hagrid, by the way, but you can call me Hagrid. Ah, well, we best be steppin' inside fer now. No need fer the two of you to get seen by anyone who don't need to see ya. Come along, now. Don't be shy," he said, motioning for us to quickly enter his home while he looked around to see if anyone had caught sight of us.

He closed the door behind himself as Fang and I did a quick check on the interior of the little place, memorizing the exits and anything that looked suspicious, which was actually kind of difficult because pretty much everything in there looked suspicious.

"What do you teach, anyway, uh… Mr. Haggard?" I asked, surveying what looked like a giant bird egg on the couch.

"It's Hagrid," he corrected. "And there's no need fer the Mister, now. It makes me feel mighty old. Let me just get this little ole thing outta yer way," he said quickly, snatching up the egg. "Let's all pretend we didn't see this, ya hear?" he called as he shuffled out of the room.

"That's not suspicious at all," Fang muttered to me.

I shrugged, and we both plopped onto the now-vacant couch, tired from the long flight.

We heard a door open, and then Hairy suddenly yelled, "FANG!"

"What?" Fang yelped, startled by the booming voice that had called his name.

He stood up but was just as soon knocked back down by a large black dog tackling him.

Hairy rushed into the room, casting a horrified look at his dog as he vigorously wagged his tail and licked Fang's face.

"Fang! What're you doing, ya silly mutt?"

"I am not a mutt; I'm a hybrid,"Fang said indignantly as he tried to push the dog away, unsuccessfully.

"What?" Hagrid said in confusion as he pulled the whimpering dog away from Fang. "Oh! That's right; your name is Fang too. I remember now. Max and Fang. Well, Fang, meet my dog, Fang."

"They've already met," I pointed out, stifling a laugh and ignoring Fang's dirty look.

"Ah, that's right," Hairy said, looking down in shame. He sat on an armchair across from us, holding tightly onto Fang's collar. "I'm right sorry 'bout that. Fang's usually real shy with visitors. I dunno what's gotten into 'im tonight."

"Aw, Fang and Fang," I said, not quite stifling my laugh this time. "How cute!"

"Is this supposed to be ironic?" Fang asked dully, putting on his best not-amused face.

"And look! They're both wearing all black!" I continued. "And that dopey look on their faces… they're practically twins!"

Hairy cracked a smile. "Now I get it. It seems that Fang has taken a real likin' to ya, Fang."

Fang gave a small woof of approval and then bounded out of Hairy's grip. Fang jumped up onto the couch beside Fang and started licking Fang's face again.

"Hey! I'm down with you liking me, but if you want me to like you back, you're gonna have to stop with all the slobbering," Fang told Fang sternly.

Fang did a little doggy pout but then curled up obediently next to Fang on the couch, content just to be near his human twin.

"Good boy," Fang said, rewarding Fang by scratching behind his ears.

"I could ship that," I said thoughtfully to myself as I observed the two of them.

"What was that?" Hairy asked.

"Nothing," I replied casually.

"Ah, well, anyways," Hairy said, "You an' yer little flock'll be stayin' in the back room there. It's not much, but it'll have to do fer now. The main thing you have to remember is that you'll not be attendin' Hogwarts and therefore don't need to be minglin' with the students. Don't worry, you won't be missin' much. A troublesome bunch they are, Hogwarts students. Every last one of 'em, don't let 'em fool ya."

"Hog… warts?" I said slowly, not sure if I had heard him correctly.

"Yes, Hogwarts. I'm sure you saw the castle over yonder on yer flight in. Well, that's Hogwarts, School of Witch- oh wait, I'm not supposed to tell ya that part. All ya need to know is that it's called Hogwarts and that you don't need to know anything else about it. Your job is just to hide out here and to not be found. Miss Martinez tells me that you've got some mighty forces on yer tails. Ain't no better place to hide than here, I reckon. I hardly ever have any visitors here, but if anyone does show up, I want ya to hide-"

"Hagrid!" two voices yelled as a couple of what I assumed to be Hogwarts students burst through the front door.

Hairy slapped his enormous palm to his enormous forehead. "Don't you two know it ain't right to burst into someone's house without at least knocking first? Really, you pair have the absolute worst timing…"

"We're sorry, Hagrid, but we really need to talk to you," the boy with the glasses offered.

The girl added, "Ron seems to be paralyzed, and we need you to help him right away!"

"I can't help him right now. I'm doin' somethin' that's actually important at the moment," Hairy informed them.

"What are you doing that's so important?" the girl asked.

"Her hair sure is big, and fuzzy" I whispered to Fang, who nodded in agreement.

I decided that she would be called Fuzzy Head.

Hairy answered Fuzzy Head, "I have visitors, an' yer bein' quite rude to 'em." Hairy gestured to us, and the two students turned, having noticed Fang and me for the first time.

"Hello there," the boy said, nodding to each of us. "I'm Harry. Harry Potter."

Fang and Fang and Hairy and Harry, I thought. Well dang.

"And this is my friend, Hermione Granger," Harry informed us.

"My pleasure," Fuzzy Head said cordially.

My scowl at her snobby cordiality and weird name was interrupted when there was a sudden noise from the back room that sounded like a small, angry animal.

Before anyone could ask, Hairy leapt from his seat, nearly knocking Harry over and causing what could only be described as a small earthquake as he made his way to the back room.

"Sorry there, Harry!" Hairy called over his shoulder. "You all didn't hear a thing!"

"Because saying that makes us unhear that noise," Fang muttered, rolling his eyes.

Fang licked Fang's hand in agreement.

I looked at Fuzzy Head, who was bending to pick something up off the ground. Apparently, when Hairy ran out, he knocked Harry's glasses off.

Looking at Harry without his glasses, the greatest idea ever came to me.

"Oh my gosh, Harry Pauper, you should totally play Fang in a movie that was supposed to come out in 2010 but got pushed back to 2013."

Fang barked and slobbered with approval.

"Excuse me?" Fang said indignantly.

"I'm afraid that I'm not familiar with that movie," Harry said politely.

"It's based off of a totally awesome book series," I told him.

"Well, Hermione here has basically read every good book out there that there is to read," he said, gesturing to Fuzzy Head.

She nodded vigorously and said, "Every book that's worth reading has passed through my hands. What series is this movie based on?"

"Maximum Ride," I said proudly.

"No, haven't heard of it," Fuzzy Head said.

Ouch. Does no one care about the well-being of my ego these days?

"I'm afraid I'm not much of an actor," Humble Harry said shyly. "Plus I have a bloody terrible memory. I'd never be able to memorize a bunch of lines or anything. Without Hermione here, I'd be failing all of my classes."

"It's true," Fuzzy Head said with a nod.

"That's totally fine!" I assured him. "Fang doesn't say much, and even when he does, it's just short little unimportant nothings."

"Hey!" Fang protested.

"See? Just like that! You could totally do it, Larry."

"You really think so?" he said, eyes sparkling a bit at my encouragement.

"Sure! All you'd need is some fighting experience-"

"I have that!" he exclaimed happily, moving aside a tuft of hair on his forehead.

"Oh, cool tattoo, Harley. Is that a gang sign?" I asked.

Maybe it's the symbol for some fight club or something. They must be pretty hardcore to get tattoos on their foreheads. Though he does look a bit scrawny for that…

"No, it's a scar," Fuzzy Head said, exasperated. "He's the Boy Who Lived."

So… his gang brands its members for initiation, I guess? And Boy Who Lived must be his gang name… Hard-freaking-core. I like it. If we end up staying here, I might join this Lightning Head gang.

Harpy shrugged. "I've been fighting for my life ever since I was a baby."

"Excellent! Then the only other thing you would have to learn would be how to fly."

Gary's smile widened. "I already know how to fly," he told me.

No way, I thought.

"Let's see your wings, then," I said, crossing my arms.

"Wings?" Fuzzy Head scoffed.

"Well, I don't know about you, Fuzzy Head and Lightning Head, but I fly using my wings," I told them matter-of-factly. "What other way is there?"

"Are you mad?" Hominy asked.

"No, I'm not angry. I just want to see Barry's wings."

"Harry doesn't have wings for goodness' sake. He's not a hippogriff," Fuzzy Head said, waving her hands around as she spoke.

"Who's mad now, Hominy?" I asked mockingly. "Calm down. No one called your friend a hippo."

"My friend's name is Harry, and my name is Hermione," she corrected.

"That's definitely what I said. Isn't that right, Fang?" I asked.

Fang barked.

"Oh, shut up, Fang," Fuzzy Head said crossly to the dog.

"You shut up," Fang shot back.

"Okay, guys. I think there's only one way to settle this," Jerry suddenly said.

"Harry, no," Fuzz Ball advised, shaking her mop of hair disapprovingly at him.

Ignoring her, he stood up, smiled, and said, "Let's fly."

"Heck yes! Let's go!" I said enthusiastically, following Harry out of the cabin, with Fang and Fang in tow.

Still sitting on the couch in protest, Fuzzy Head muttered, "Oh, this is absolute rubbish."

"You're a radish," Fang said bitterly in her face.

I just caught sight of her jaw dropping before going out the door, and I gave Fang a high five as I laughed loudly at her expense.

"Coming, Harmony?" I called over my shoulder.

"It's Hermione!" she shrieked, but seconds later, she was scuttling after us.

Lightning Head and I were flying circles around each other, going at top speed and cackling like madmen.

I did a flip over his head and laughed, "I can't believe you're flying on a broom. That's priceless."

We were flying around the "Quidditch" stadium while the Fangs and Fuzzy Head watched from the ground, on opposite sides of the field.

Harvey claims that he is a "wizard" and that he can fly on a broom because of "magic."

He also claims that Fuzzy Head is a witch. That I can believe.

"And I can't believe that you have wings," he replied, impressed by my admittedly impressive feathery protrusions.

"Roberta! NO!"

"Who's Rob-" I started to ask, but something ran into me, sending me flying into Mr. Boy Who Lived.

Both of us recovered in time to see a tiny dragon bolting up and away from us.

"You're not kidding about the magic, are you?" I asked him with big eyes.

Just then, Hairy came running into the stadium, huffing and puffing.

"Roberta! Come back to your Mummy right now!" he yelled to the little dragon.

Fuzzy Head looked at Hairy accusingly. "Hagrid! You know you're not supposed to be keeping dragons!"

"But look at her go! She's a fast learner, that one. Don't worry your little fuzzy head, Hermione; I'll train Roberta right up good. She'll be no trouble. And… and I just missed Norbert so much!" he cried, falling to his knees and becoming a blubbering mess.

Hermione and Fang immediately ran over to comfort the weeping giant.

"How unmanly," I commented.

"Tell me about it," Perry said.

A sudden, brilliant idea struck me. I motioned to Fang so that he would join us, and he approached at top speed, tongue lolling.

When he met us in the air, I said, "That's gross, Fang. Put your tongue in."

"Sorry, I was just excited about flying," he said. "I love the feeling of air rushing past my face."

"Next thing you know, I'm gonna have to put a leash on you and buy a flea collar," I said with a roll of my eyes. "Anyways… first one to catch Roberta gets to sick her on the other two!"

And with that, I shot into the sky.

"You're on!" Harry Plopper yelled, bolting right after me.

"No fair!" Fang called, the last one to take off.

Hermione continued to pat Hagrid's back, glad that he had at least finally stopped crying.

Hagrid wiped at his face with clumsy hands, watching the sky proudly as Roberta, in Max's arms, shot little bursts of fire at Fang and Harry.

"Y'know, Hermione, those two weren't supposed to find out about magic, but I think they'll be just fine," he said.

"Hagrid?" Hermione asked tentatively, taking her comforting hand away from him.

"What is it, Hermione?" he asked, not looking away from Roberta.

"I feel like I'm forgetting something. Why did we come to visit you in the first place?"

"I don't rightly remember," Hagrid said, scratching his beard.

Hermione shrugged. "Oh well. It must not have been that important."

Lol. Ron. No one cares. XD
Anyone else have trouble keeping up with all the nicknames? I sure did. Also, did anyone catch the Simpsons reference?
Please review! I hope you liked it. :)

-Skye

Sometimes you have to fly through the Bermuda Triangle to get to Puerto Rico…

Maximum Ride + Avatar: the Last Airbender =

Maximum Ride: One of the Last Airbenders

Flying in front of Appa with his glider, Aang spotted something unusual in the distance.

"Guys, I think I see an eagle hawk up ahead!" Aang called to his friends riding on Appa's back.

Sokka and Katara scrambled to the front of the saddle to get a better look, leaving an indifferent Toph in the back of the saddle.

"I think it looks more like a raven eagle," Toph said, blowing her bangs away from her face just to have them fall back in place.

"Really?" Sokka asked. "Because I think it looks more like- Toph! Stop that!"

"Sucker," Toph said with a grin.

Zuko, who was sitting on Appa's head and holding the reins, squinted as they got closer to the unidentified flying object and then said, "That's no eagle hawk. That's a person."

"A flying person?" Katara asked, beginning to get excited. "You don't think it could be… another airbender, do you?"

"It can't be!" Sokka cried in dismay.

"And why not?" Katara asked her brother indignantly, crossing her arms.

"Because then we would have to change the name of the whole series!" Sokka answered, throwing his hands up in the air. "It's called Avatar: the Last Airbender, not Avatar: One of the Last Airbenders! That would be a total catastrophe. Probably the end of times," Sokka deduced with a nod.

"He has a point," Toph said, picking her nose and flicking it off to the side, causing Katara to huff angrily.

Not paying attention to anyone's negativity, Aang sped up, enthusiastically yelling, "We have to find out who that is!"

Leaving Appa and the rest of the gang in his dust, Aang shot forward to what he could now see was a girl, probably not much older than Zuko.

"Hey there!" he called to her just as pulled up beside her, inches from her left wing.

Startled, her head whipped toward him. Aang's eyes widened at seeing her slightly reddened face and the way the wind was blowing through her hair.

"Uh, hi," she said awkwardly. "Hey, do you know how to get to Puerto Rico from here? I was flying above the interstate, but I think I took a wrong exit."

Aang said with a warm smile, "I have no idea what you're talking about." Then, his eyes widened again with childish excitement, and he asked, "Do you wanna ride on my flying bison?"

Before she could ask, Aang pointed behind them. Max looked over her shoulder, falling about a foot in the air when she saw a fuzzy mountain with six legs and horns flying behind her. Just as soon as her eyes found the flying mountain's face, she saw a bunch of kids riding on top of it, one on its massive head and three others in a giant saddle on its back. A girl dressed in blue waved at Max, but the boy next to her promptly swatted her hand down.

"Come on!" the bald kid encouraged. "Appa won't bite, I promise!"

"Uh, sure," Max said, thinking maybe one of the other kids would know the way to Puerto Rico.

The two of them turned around and flew back to Appa. Aang reached the saddle first, landing nimbly between the bickering Sokka and Katara. Max followed suit, landing in the middle of the saddle, stretching out her enormous wingspan before folding the wings in.

"Hi, Flying Lady," Sokka said with a squeaky voice, intimidated by the tall, foreign-looking girl before him.

"That's Sokka, and this is Katara," Aang introduced, gesturing to his friends sitting on either side of him.

"It's so nice to meet you!" Katara gushed. "I've never seen anyone like you, but you're really pretty."

Max resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"Behind you is Toph," Aang continued, pointing to Toph who was still in the back of the saddle, away from the others.

"I can't see if you're pretty, Flying Lady, but you sure don't smell pretty," Toph remarked.

"Toph! That's so rude!" Katara reprimanded.

"I tell it like it is, Sugar Queen," Toph said, crossing her arms. "And by the way, you don't smell too hot either."

Katara blushed and swiftly scooted away from Aang and Sokka.

To the rest of the gang's surprise, Max just smiled and said, "One of my best friends is blind. He always says the same thing about me. Weird thing, he could kind of see when we were at the South Pole. Something about everything being so white…"

"Really? I've never been," Toph said, trying not to appear too excited. Suddenly, she pointed in Sokka's direction and declared, "YOU. You're taking me to the South Pole when this mess is all over with."

"Uh, okay," Sokka said with a shrug, making Toph's cheeks go pink.

"And this is Zuko, and I'm Aang!" Aang finished.

"Aang is the Avatar," Sokka said proudly.

"Avatar? You're not blue. Or tall," Max said, looking him up and down.

"What?" Aang asked, wondering what she meant.

Looking around, Max was suddenly suspicious of not being in the right world. It definitely didn't seem like the world she was used to, but it also wasn't the Avatar planet of Pandora (she would know, she's seen James Cameron's Avatar at least eleventy-six times).

"Uh, nothing?" Max said, trying to be inconspicuous, not alerting the others to her status as a foreigner.

"You're not from around here, are you?" asked the one with the name she recalled being oddly similar to Sock.

Alarmed by Sock's inconvenient questioning, Max replied, "I'm not really from anywhere. I don't have a home. I move around a lot."

"I hear you," Aang said sadly.

"It makes sense, since she's an airbender," Katara pointed out, putting a hand on Aang's shoulder.

"Is she really an airbender, though?" Zuko asked skeptically.

"No! She's not!" Sock cried, holding on desperately to his canon because it was all that he knew. "Aang is the last airbender!"

"Be quiet, Sokka," Katara snapped. "She is obviously an airbender who somehow survived the Genocide. She can fly, using the feathery glider on her back. Isn't that right, um, what was your name?"

"It's Maximum."

"That's a weird name," Toph stated.

"It's a beautiful name!" Aang yelled at her.

"Whoa, calm down, lover boy," Toph said with her hands up in mock surrender.

"I actually named myself, so thank you, Fang," Max said.

"It's Aang," Aang corrected, but then his cheeks went pink. "But you can call me Fang if you want! As our honorary guest on the Appa Express, you may call me and my friends whatever you would like!"

"Speak for yourself, Twinkletoes!" Toph protested.

"Oh, good," Max said, ignoring Toph. "Because I think your names are weird. I'll just call you all names that sound more… familiar. Boy with odd ponytail, you are Sock. Girl dressed like Sock, you are Kat. Unusually manly little girl, you are Tom. Boy with reins, you are Zero. Bald kid, you are Fang."

"Sock? Well, that proves she's not an airbender! Airbenders don't even wear socks!"

"That makes no sense and doesn't prove anything!" Kat said with her arms crossed.

"It totally does! Whose side are you even on?"

"Zero? That name is kind of… I don't know, depressing," Zuko said.

"Why? Because it's equal to the number of times you've succeeded in life?" Tom said with a big smile.

Instead of entering a fiery rage, Zuko/Zero just turned back around on Appa's head and moved the reins a little as he mourned not having an emo corner to crawl into.

Not caring about Zero and his angsty self, Kat said, "Anyways, Maximum, you're an airbender, right?"

"Yes," Max answered, having somewhat formulated a story while the boys were getting all upset about their new names. "My late father, Jeb, was an… inventor of sorts, and he made me this, uh, glider that is on my back. It actually looks just like Fang's glider underneath all the feathers, which are there for camouflage. The glider is attached to a harness that goes under my shirt. It really helps me to uh, bend the air."

"Wow, a glider with a harness," Fang said in awe. "Can we see it?"

"Not on a first date, sailor!" Max said worriedly, tugging her shirt down.

All of Fang's bald head turned red with embarrassment, turning his blue tattoos a rosy sort of purple. "I didn't mean it like that! I just wanted to see the harness, not everything that's under your shirt. I mean, I'm sure whatever is under your shirt is great, but… Wait! That's not what I meant, either!"

"Shut up, Aang! Just shut up!" Kat yelled, silencing him.

Tom began cackling maniacally. "Looks like Sugar Queen is jealous."

"Jealous of what?" Sock asked. "Katara, you don't like boys yet, do you?" he shrieked, pointing an accusing finger at her.

"I'm not jealous! And that's none of your business, Sokka!"

"And apparently it's not Aang's business either, because he would rather be with Feather Girl!" Tom said with a snort. "Oh, this is rich."

"You could always go out with me, Katara," Zero suggested. "I hear that a lot of people ship us, and I really have nothing better to do."

Kat shot a death-glare at Zero. "I will cut you."

"We really need to get an emo corner installed on this bison," Zero said, sulking even more than he usually did.

Oblivious to all of this, Fang yelled excitedly, "Fang!"

"Why are you yelling at yourself?" Max asked.

"No, it's Fang!" he yelled, pointing behind Appa. "Roku's dragon!"

Everyone besides Tom looked just as Fang pulled up beside Appa. Sock's eyes went wide, and Kat grabbed Fang's arm. The two spirit animals nodded at each other, and then Fang turned his attention to Fang.

"Fang says that I need to go to the Spirit World with him right now," Fang said, wrenching his arm away from Kat, who made a face at him behind his back.

"I didn't hear him say anything," Tom said, sniffing the air.

"That's because he's a dragon, and dragons don't talk!" Sock asserted.

Fang turned to Sock and breathed blue fire at him, which Sock narrowly avoided by jumping over Fang and into Kat's lap.

"Spirit dragon fire! Help," he whimpered, clutching Kat for protection. Kat rolled her eyes.

"Fang says it's urgent, Fang," Max told Fang, who had just stood up.

"Wait, you can hear him too?" Fang asked, looking from her to the dragon.

"I've always been good at hearing voices in my head," Max said with a shrug. "Plus, I've always had a connection with things named Fang."

"Really?" Fang asked, clasping his hands together girlishly as his heart surged.

Fang nudged Fang in his side with his head, bringing Fang back to the present.

"Right, Fang. I have to go now! Avatar business!" he said, hopping onto the old dragon's back.

"You ride dragons? Maybe you are the Avatar," Max said. "A tiny arrow-headed version…"

"Yes, he is!" Sock screeched, still wrapped around Kat. "He's Avatar: the Last Airbender!"

"Let it go, Sock," Kat said, tossing him off of herself.

"Yeah, put a sock in it," Tom snickered.

Fang told Fang something in his head, and then Fang said, "Hey Maximum, you could probably benefit from the teachings of an airbending master, right?

"Uh, sure," Max said hesitantly. "I mean, yes. Definitely. Of course."

"Great! Lesson one is spirituality! Hop on!" he told her, bouncing up and down happily.

"Uh, okay," Max said, crossing the saddle and gracefully leaping to mount the dragon behind Fang.

"What? You're taking that ugly foreigner on a dragon ride to the Spirit World? You've never done that with any of us!" Kat cried.

"Actually…" Sock said tentatively.

"Yeah, me too…" Zero said, not looking at Kat.

Kat huffed and looked at Tom. "Well, what about you, Toph?"

Tom shook her head. "No, he's never taken me on a dragon ride to the Spirit World."

Kat gave a small smile at this, comforted that she wasn't the only one that Aang hadn't taken on such a journey.

"He did take me on a panda ride to the Spirit World, though," Tom added with a smile, sending Kat into a rage.

"AANG!"

"Whoops, gotta go," Fang said, urging Fang forward.

"Wait!" Max yelled, causing Fang to bring Fang to an abrupt stop. "Zero!"

Zero turned his sulky head to look at Max.

"Do you have any acting experience? Because I think you and your angsty self would be great to play a guy named Fang in this movie that's eventually coming out…" She paused for a moment to think about it. "Uh, actually, it's probably never coming out. Never mind!"

Zero stuck his bottom lip out, somehow disappointed even though he had no idea what she was talking about.

"Okay then! You ready, Maximum? You better hold on!" Fang told Max over his shoulder.

"Hold on to wha-" Max's question was cut off by her own scream as she grabbed Fang's middle and Fang bolted forward to the Spirit World.

Fang winked at Fang, and Fang winked back with a cheeky grin. Fang always had liked older women…

If you're not familiar with James Cameron's movie, Avatar, then you probably missed a few of the jokes in there.
One-sided Fax, KatFang, ZeroKat, TomSock, and Sock-Canon. For this chapter, I ship all of these things.
Welp, that's it for this story! Thanks for reading, thanks to everyone who has reviewed (and will review), and special thanks to those who have had this story on their alerts for years. Lol. You rock my Sock.

-Skye Maxwell