Jail Birds by VampiressE12B

Category:Maximum Ride
Genre:Humor, Parody
Published:2008-04-21 16:55:12
Updated:2009-08-13 20:57:27
Packaged:2021-04-22 02:50:50
Summary:My friends and i go to jail, and see a ceartian pyro bird boy there. Will we push him over the edge?

Table of Contents

1. Siren Call
2. Iggy
3. starring
4. Yuck, Orange
5. Mu beautiful new jail cloths
6. notice
7. Daytona flirts with pigion boy
8. Arguments
9. New jailmate
10. Insert creative title here
11. Pizza delivery

1. Siren Call

Siren call

AN/ SO here it is. The one, the only, JAIL BIRD!! Bird bird bird! Yup! I wrote it during lunch for you guys so I better get lots and lotses of reviews!

Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride, but I do own Mango the clickie pen!!


"I'm bored." I heard VG say. We were at the mall in the food court eating great pretzels, but with cold cheese. Can you say Yuck!

"SO go find something to do." Samm said. "Its not my job to entertain you." Daytona laughed.

"That sounded so wrong!"

"God, Daytona! Shut up!" Erica yelled.

"You shut up!"


"ORANGE JUICE!!" They both looked at me. "What?" Just then I realized that VG was no longer with us. I turned around and saw her outside through the window looking at a car, an evil grin plastered on her face. We all walked outside to see what she was up to.

"VG." I said cautiously. "What are you doing?"

"Who wants to steal a car?" she asked. Daytona, Samm, and Erica all raised their hands. I crossed my arms.


"I'll let you drive!!" she coaxed.

"Move it!!" I yelled pushing the others away form the drivers door. We sped around for a while. Until, that is, we heard sirens….

AN/ look at that, the day after I tell you about it I write it. Come on people! Review your little hearts out! Because in the next chapter, Iggy comes in!!

2. Iggy


AN/ Hello peoples.

Disclaimer: If I owned Maximum Ride, I would be dating Iggy. Because you know, Max and fang totally deserve each other.

But I would be bitter

And oh so jealous.

Right then.

On with the story…


The police dude threw us in jail because we didn't have a license. I tried to tell him it was in my other suit, but he didn't believe me because I was wearing jeans and a tank top. Now we were all wearing orange suits. I hate orange. Daytona picked up a cup and ran it along the barred door.

"Let me ooouuuutttt!!" she cried.

"You know that doesn't really work." Erica said.

"Shut up, Erica!"



"FLAMINGO!" They both turned to look at me.

"This seems really familiar." VG said. Samm didn't say anything. She was staring open mouthed into the cell next to us. I looked in the direction that she was gaping.

"OH. MY. GOD." I said. In the next cell over, there was a certain blind Pyro bird boy. Daytona and Erica started to argue again. I poked Erica in the back.

"Hey! What are you doooo….." She trailed off when she followed our gazes. Daytona and VG just sat there with confused expressions. They hadn't read Maximum Ride.

"IIIIGGGGYYYYYY!!" the three of us screeched. Daytona and VG joined in after a moment. Iggy covered his ears to avoid being deafened by his three crazy fan girls and their two confused friends. We all stopped.

"Why were you screaming?" Samm asked Daytona. She shrugged.

"I was bored." We looked at VG.

"I just thought it would be fun." She said. We all turned back to Iggy.

"How do you know me??" he asked looking in our general direction.

"Oh we read your book." Erica said.

"I thought I bombed that publishing company?" He said.

"Is that why you're in here?" Daytona asked.

"Yup. Why are you in here?"

"We stole a car!" VG chirped happily.

"Did you blow it up?" he questioned.

"No." Erica said sadly. "They took it away before we could."

AN/ Look at that beautiful purple button. I think you should press it.

3. starring


AN/ I've had a lot of time on my hands at lunch lately. And in food and Nutrition. And on the bus. So I've been writing constantly.

Disclaimer: Do I look like James Patterson to you? You'd better think before you answer that question…

V's Pov

We got some food about an hour later. Our first meal in prison. Yay.

"Okay, I know some ones staring at me and I would appreciate it if you stopped." Iggy said. I looked over to see Daytona sitting cross-legged near the barred wall that separated his cell from ours. She was watching him eat his tray of jail food.

"That's just Daytona. She likes to watch people eat." I said. "Come on Daytona, let Iggy eat his, whatever they gave him." Actually I didn't even know what I was eating. It was kind of mushy. I scooped some up on a spoon and smelt it. "Ewwww." I whispered to myself. Daytona laughed.

"But he eats funny!" She said, still starring at him. I rolled my eyes.

"So do I."

"He eats even weirder then you!" She said. I gasped.

"Really?! Move!" I said, pushing her over and sitting down criss cross applesauce next to her near the bars. I watched as he took a bite of whatever that crap was.

"Hahahahahahahaha!!" We both erupted in giggles.

"What are you two laughing at?" Samm asked, coming over to us.

"Sit down crisscross apple sauce and we'll tell you." She did as told and we watched Iggy. Soon the others joined us and every bite Iggy took we laughed at.

"WILL YOU STOP WATCHING ME??" Iggy yelled, irritated.

"HEY! Stop that laughing or we'll move you to another cell!" the guard told us sternly. Erica, Samm, and I all shut up immediately. I put my hands over both VG and Daytona's mouth. The guard walked a way.

"Ewwww!!" I screamed, wrenching my hands away from both of their mouths. "Ewe! They licked me!"

"Gross." Erica agreed. Then, when the guard was all the way down the hall, all five of us erupted right back into laughing.

AN/ I would have had it up sooner, but some one in my family passed away and I had to go to a funeral.

4. Yuck, Orange

Yuck, Orange

AN/ Hey guys, what's up? I'm not getting many reviews. Oh and watch this vid. /watch?vIEYXwqmKGOQ&featurerelated

I hated it!!

Disclaimer: Yo, my peeps. Hahha, yeah I don't own it….

V's Pov

I glared at everything. I was not a happy camper.

"Why are you glaring at me?" Daytona finally asked.

"I didn't realize I was glaring at anything in particular. Sorry." I said grumpily.

"Why are you so moody?" VG asked. I pointed down at the ugly orange jumpsuit.

"Stupid orange." I muttered.

"Maybe we could, like, alter it or something." Samm suggested.

"We don't have scissors." I argued.

"I have a nail file." Erica offered.

"That only works on bars." I said.

"Yeah, Erica!" Daytona said.

"Shut it, Daytona!"

"Make me!"

"Maybe I will!"

"Oh yeah?"


"Oh yeah!


"Babasita!!" I yelled. They looked at me. "What?"

"I saw Iggy with a nail clipper." VG offered. We all turned to look in the cell to the right of ours. Two minutes later we were back in our criss cross applesauce line right up to the bars.

"Please please please please please please please please please please please…" We were chanting. He was grinding his teeth together so I was positive that it was working.

"Pretty pretty please with a big big KABOOM on top!!" I pleaded.

"Fine!" he snapped, throwing the nail clippers into our oversized birdcage.

"YAAAYYYYY!!" VG yelled.

"Wait!" Samm said suddenly. "How are we gonna do this? I mean, its not like we can take the jumpsuit off to work on it, people will see us."

"I can fix this." I said. "Iggy, close your eyes."

"I'm blind you moron." He said, rubbing his forehead.

"Right so that fixes that problem." I said, reaching over to pat myself on the back.

"Yeah but what about him?" Erica asked pointing over to the cell on our left. We called the kid in their pigeon boy. He was doing what he usually did, sitting in the fetal position, in a dark corner, rocking back and forth. He whispered "Pigeons" repeatedly.

"Hmmmm." I said. "Your right, we'll make a little room and take turns. We'll use the sheets."

AN/ wow, you know this chapter is mostly dialogue??

5. Mu beautiful new jail cloths

Mu Beautiful new Prison Clothing

AN/ I know I take forever to update on these Iggy centered stories, and for that I am Sincerely sorry. I just couldn't think of anything to write!

Disclaimer: V: Looks at list of things I own. Hmmm a TV, a cat stuffed animal, two pirates of the Caribbean movies, oh I have a cactus named Iggy! But nope, I don't own maximum Ride. Sorry.

V's Pov

I stood there, very proud of all of us. I had practically duplicated what I had been wearing when we got here, and the others had all sorts of new fashions, that I wont go into detail about. But all in all, we looked pretty awesome. We took down the sheet changing room and made our beds again. Pigeon boy had yet to move from his position in the corner of his cell.

"You know what I just noticed?" said Erica.

"No, what?" I asked. She pointed over into Iggy's cell.

"Look! He took all of his sheets off of his actual bed, and turned them into a hammock."

"Wow that is weird." Daytona came over and asked what was going on. Erica explained the hammock. She snorted.

"He looks like a canary!" she laughed. I looked at him again. He did look like a canary.

"Are you weirdoes laughing at me AGAIN?" he asked from his cannery perch.

"Yup." Said VG.

"Might I ask WHY?"

"'Cause ya look like a canary." Said Samm. I giggled.

"That's Ironic." I said. Iggy just rolled his eyes and went back to sleep in his little canary hammock.

"He'sh a funny wittle wood pecker he ish!" I said. Erica looked at me.

"What?" I shrugged.

"Sometimes I wonder if she really makes this stuff up on her own, or if she plans it all." Said Daytona.

"I can't tell you that." I said, with a straight face. "It's a secret."

AN/ SO how did you like it? You see that purplish bluish lavenderish button right there? Yup, I think you should push it.

6. notice



This is a bbbiiiigggg biiiiigggg notice!

Its time for the previews…..

(Big Voice) Now in theaters!! (Dun Dun dundun dun dun duuuunnn) Brought to you by VampiressE12B and Duskgrowlthevampire's joint account, VandDuskgrowlcatnip.

Collision Course!! (Dun dun dundun dun dun DUUUUNNN!)

When Dusk's flock meet Max's flock, multiple new changes occur. New pairings are formed. New pairings such as Dalco, Bliggy, Bludge, Klazzy, and Rangle. Not to mention, the ever-popular FAXXXNNNEESSS! (Echo in background. Faxness Faxness Faxness!!)

What makes this new story SO appealing, is the authors. This is a quite overdone plot, but never has it been attempted by a joint account. This story is written by a hilariously random parody author, and an author who writes incredibly intensely and actually knows how to write a romantic chapter, whereas the parody author couldn't write a drama to saver her pathetic life.


(Dunnnn dun dundun dun dun duuuuuunnnn!!)


PS. Haha, that was fun….

7. Daytona flirts with pigion boy

Daytona Flirts with Pigeon BoyAN/ because we all know that she would…

Disclaimer: I own nothing…NOTHING I TELL YOU!

V's Pov

I was eating my discusting mushy soupity mush mush stuff again the next day, when I heard Daytona laughing. I looked over to where she was seating. She was talking to pigeon boy.

"hello???" I immediately went on alert. I smiled then scooted over to VG.

"Pssttt…" I said.

"Moon over buffalo what now?" she whispered back. I looked at her. Then shook my head dismissing her insanity.

"Daytona's flirting with pigeon boy…" I said. VG looked over and started laughing hysterically. I looked back and realized what was so funny.

Daytona was flirting with pigeon boy alright, but pigeon boy was doing his usual fetal position thing. Her words and laughs weren't even regertering in his strange little head.

I sighed.

"Cant blame her though…" VG said. I nodded.

"He IS kind of cute."

"Yeah, too bad he's a CRIMANAL." Said Samm coming up from behind us. I rolled my eyes.

"V's right, Samm." Said VG. "Bad boys is sexy!"

AN/ yes, this truly was a pointless chapter.

8. Arguments

Argument:AN/ I MISSE YOUDisclaimer: I own nothing….at least….that's what she said…lol

Whose she??

V'S Pov

"Bad boys is not so shmexy." I said.

"Yesh, they ish." VG said.


"Uh yeah!!"

"Not that hott…"

"They totally are!!" She yelled. We stared at each other for about two more seconds and the started to argue franticly about the subject. Me keeping to the fact that while bad boys are hott, they're not THAT hott. VG was persistent in that they most certainly WERE that hott.

Samm sighed and Erica shook her head, as Daytona continued to flirt with Pigeon boy, who was completely ignoring her.

Our cell was in complete madness and chaos…

Until Erica suddenly became the genius that we know her to secretly be. Lol. Okay not so secretly, please don't kill me for that one Erica…

"Hey, Iggy!!" She yelled, waking him up from his little cat, or should we say BIRD, nap. He sighed.

"Now what do you want?" he asked, rubbing his forehead.

"Hey do you think bad boys are automatically the sexiest?" There was silence for a moment.

"One: I don't find any men to be sexy to ME. And Two: Was that an insult!!"

"HA!!" I yelled into VG's face. "Iggy's not defined as a bad boy and he's shmexy!!! OH YEAH I know ALL!!!"

AN/ lol, pointless, but hopefully entertaining…

9. New jailmate

New Jail mate

AN/ Hey…review….Review like your life depends on it! Because I'm in your closet, and your life does depend on it…



The next day, we had all gotten our breakfast of mush, as usual, and were sitting, criss cross applesauce in front of Iggy's cell, watching him eat and laughing like a pack of wild hyena's, when the door to our cell opened, and the policy officer man threw in a girl who was relatively tall and had short brown hair. She stood back up, dusted herself off, then glared, menacingly through the bars and growled at the police officer.

We had formed a sudden circle around her.

"Jane?" we all asked in unison. That probably freaked her out just a bit.

"Hey, guys." She said, sighing.

"What did you do?" Erica asked.

"This one dude in a pink bunny suit was pissing me off, so I ripped his ears off and pushed him out a four story window." She sat down and the cop came over with some mush and a phone. He handed them to Jane.

"HEY! How come we didn't get phone calls?" VG yelled. No one answered her.

"What's in this?" Jane asked pointing to the bowl of mush on the floor.

"No one really knows…" Daytona answered her. "But just try not to think about it…" Jane plugged her nose and took a bite. She made an Ew face and leaned over to gag.

"Oh come on!!! I am NOT cleaning that up!!" I yelled. Jane sat back up and stared blankly into the other cell for a moment, before her eyes started to widen. In a few seconds they were as wide as golf balls.

"Oh. My. God." She said. "Is that who I think it is?" She asked, pointing to Iggy in the cell next to us.

"Yup!" I said.

"And that's pigeon boy over there." VG said, pointing to the cell on the other side. Pigeon boy sat there, rocking back and forth.

"Not the pigeons not the pigeons…" He muttered over and over.

"Uh….okay then…" Jane said, throwing a confused look at pigeon boy. "But that's awesome!!" She said, referring to Iggy being in the cell next to ours.

"I know right!?" Samm and I both said at the same time. Daytona waved flirtatiously to pigeon boy who was too self absorbed to wave back.


10. Insert creative title here

(Insert creative title)

AN/ did you insert a creative title yet? No. Well, until you insert a creative title you are NOT permitted to read this chapter!


No! I said stop reading!!

GRRRR stupid readers stop reading!!

Fine. You win…you can read the chapter…

Disclaimer: I don't own maximum ride all right! STOP REMINDING ME!!


I sighed.

"V?" Daytona asked. "What's wrong." I sighed again and looked through the bars, a tragic look plastered on my face.

"What's wrong with V?" Jane asked.

"I dunno, she wont even look at me." Daytona replied. I sighed again. The police officer came over to see what was wrong.

"Hey you." He said, gesturing to me with his club. I turned my watering eyes on him. "What's your problem."?

"You see, it's my birthday today, and I'm not even going to get a cake." I sniffed. "Usually I wake up and get to spend the entire day with my friends and family and we eat my mom's homemade cake…" I sobbed.

"Oh, geeze. Umm, don't cry. DON'T CRY. I'll- I'll be right back." He said, going off somewhere. I continued to sniff dramatically while the others gave me what-the-heck looks. The police officer came back and handed me an apple.

"Here." He said. "It's no cake but its better then this mush." I smiled a watery smile and thanked him as sincerely as possible. He left the room, whistling cheerfully. Obviously he was feeling pretty good about himself right now.

"Haha, sucker!" I laughed. "Man, this guy is dumb." We took Iggy's pocketknife and divided up the apple.

"Wow." Samm said. "I can't believe that WORKED!" We were so ecstatic that we offered Iggy some and even gave a tiny piece to pigeon boy!

"There see!" The policeman said, coming back to see my smiling face. "Now you feel better, huh?"

"Defiantly." I said. He turned to Jane.

"Are you ready to use your one phone call yet?" he asked.

"No not yet, I think I'll save it for tomorrow…" Jane said, smiling so innocently that it terrified me…

11. Pizza delivery

Pizza Delivery

AN/ I need reviews guys, because I'm considering giving up fanfiction and putting my entire effort into my fictionpress stories, which I suggest you get your lazy hands to click to and read!!


V's pov

The next day, we all crowded around Jane and her phone, trying to muffle our laughter as she pressed the numbers to hungry howies.

"Shhh shhhh!!" She said.

"Hello, Hungary howies? What can I do for you?" Some guy answered the phone.

"Umm, hello I'd like to order a pizza!" Jane said.

"What kind?"

"I want two extra large pizza's with extra cheese, pepperonis, green peppers and meatballs. I would also like two boxes of cheesy bread." Jane said.

"Uh okay, pick up or delivery?"


"Uh huh and what's your address?"

"4456, Aspen rd. Cell #4." Jane said.

"Okay, we should have your order there in twenty minutes or less, or your pizza's free." Pizza guys said, before Jane hung up the phone. We were all quiet for a moment.

"WE'RE GETTING PPPIIIIZZZAA! WE'RE GETTING PPPIIIZZZAA!" All six of us sang, doing the cabbage patch.

"Would you shut up?" Iggy called from his makeshift hammock. "I'm trying to sleep."

"We're getting piiizzzaa! We're getting ppiizzaa!" we whispered, still doing the cabbage patch. Mr. Policey officer, whose name we had learned was Dan, came over to our cell.

"What are you cabbage patching about??" he asked, his great hairy eyebrows raised.

"Nooootttthhhhiiiinnnn." We all said at once. He didn't look as though he believed us, but turned around to go back to his desk by the door anyway. We giggled.

"Lets hope he's late." Jane said. "I have absolutely no money on me…" I laughed.

"I bet if we all start sobbing, we could get Mr. Policy officer Dan to pay for it!" I tossed into the idea jar. Jane stared at me, her arms crossed.

"I. Don't. Do. Tears." She said. The rest of us exchanged a silent look, and our eyes went back to Jane. An evil smile spread on our faces as we inched toward her.

"What-Wha-What are you doing…" She started to back away. "DAN HELP ME! THEY"VE AL LOST THEIR MINDS!" We pinned her down and tickled her while stepping on her toes causing her to laugh and be in pain. After five minutes of this, Jane finally had tears in her eyes.

"AH HA!!" I cried, triumphantly. "She has tear ducts! Jane is HUMAN!!" She glared at me.

"Yes, I am human. There are you happy now? You've proven your point." She sat down sulkily on one of the many cots lining the large cell.

"No, I wont be happy until we get our pizza." I said, quietly so that Dan wouldn't hear. Samm looked at her watch

"It'll be twenty minutes in 3, 2…" And then, a second before free pizza, the door burst open and a man wearing a hungry howies shirt came in carrying our pizza and cheesy bread.

"Uh, who are you and what are you doing here??" Dan asked him.

"Uh, I'm Steven…" He said. Steven looked down at a piece of paper. "And I'm here to deliver these pizza's to cell number four?" Dan stared at him for a moment. Then at us.

"You-you used your one phone call…your ONLY phone call, to order a pizza?" he asked.

"Uh no, silly, to order TWO pizza's and CHESSEY BREAD." VG clarified. Dan shook his head and pointed to the cell.

"That's cell number four…just slip it in from under the bars." Dan said, sitting back down behind his desk.

"Okay," Steven said after getting the pizza to us. "That'll be $19.95, please." He said with a smile on his face.

"Yeah…we don't really have any money…." Daytona said. Steven was silent for a moment. Then he took the pizza right out of my hands.

"HEY!" on queue we all started to sniff and hiccup.

"Oh, guys…" Dan started. "Uh don't cry…"

"WE. WANTED. PIZZZZZAAAA!!!" VG sobbed, taking it a bit over the top. Dan continued to try and shush us…eventually, though; he gave in and paid the pizza guy for us. Steven left.

"Thank you Dan!" We chorused cheerfully. Dan, who was looking quite pleased with himself, walked back to his desk and picked up the book he had been reading. We opened the pizza box and devoured the first and second one instantly, sharing some with Iggy and Pigeon boy. The second box went just as fast. But when we got to the first box of cheesy bread, we found that there wasn't cheesy bread in it at all.

Instead, were six tiny shovels…

An evil grin spread across our faces.

AN/ So what do you think?? Yes we are going to ATTEMPT an escape. Lol. And now if you will please excuse me…I'm feeling dizzy again.