It Sucks to Be Me: Maximum Ride Style by streco

What Do You Do with a Blog and a Laptop / It Sucks to Be Me: Maximum Ride Style

A/N: XD Iggy's verse goes to my cousin Sara... I wrote the rest.

— —

Fang: WHAT DO YOU DO
WITH A BLOG AND A LAPTOP?
WHERE IS MY FLIGHT GOING TO LEAD?
SO MANY READERS,
SO MANY BLEEDERS
WHO POUR OUT THEIR HEART ONTO ME
THE LADIES ARE SO-SO.
THE GUYS THINK I'M COOL, YO.
THE SKY IS A WIDE, OPEN PATH
AND MAX DOESN'T LIKE ME
THE FLOCK THINKS I'M EMO.
AND NO ONE CAN DO SIMPLE MATH.

(musical transition; faster)

Max: Morning, Iggy!

Iggy: Hi, Max!

Max: How's life?

Iggy: Dissapointing.

Max: Why, what's the matter?

Iggy: The Gasman laid me off.

Max: Aww, I'm sorry.

Iggy: Me too. I mean, look at me—I'm a blind mutant freak! I always thought—... d'oh.

Max: What?

Iggy: No, it sounds stupid.

Max: Aww, c'mon!

Iggy: WHEN I WAS LITTLE,
I THOUGHT I WOULD BE—

Max: What?

Iggy: A BIG TIME ARCHITECT
THAT MADE GOOD MONEY

Max: (snicker) Oh...

Iggy: BUT NOW I'M BLI-I-IND
AND AS YOU CAN SEE... I'M NOT.

Max: Nope.

Iggy: Oh well.
IT SUCKS TO BE ME.

Max: No!

Iggy: IT SUCKS TO BE ME.

Max: C'mon.

Iggy: IT SUCKS TO BE
BLIND AND
BUILDING BOMBS
AND TURNING FI-IFTEEN!
IT SUCKS TO BE ME.

Max: You think your life sucks?

Iggy: I think so.

Max: Your problems aren't so bad!
I'M KINDA PRETTY
AND PRETTY DAMN NUTS!

Iggy: You are.

Max: Thanks...?
I TALK TO VOICES AND
I'M A TOTAL CLUTZ!
WHEN I OPEN ONE DOOR
THE OTHER ONE SHUTS;
SO WHY WON'T NOBODY HELP ME?
HECK! IT SUCKS TO BE ME!

Iggy: Me too!

Max: IT SUCKS TO BE ME.

Iggy: IT SUCKS TO BE ME
IT SUCKS TO BE IGGY—

Max: AND MAX!

Iggy: TO NOT HAVE MY EYES—

Max: TO BE CALLED A 'FAX'—

Both: IT SUCKS TO BE ME.

(Ari and Jeb enter, fighting)

Iggy: Hey, Jeb, Ari—can you settle something for us? Do you have a second?

Ari: Um, certainly.

Max: Whose life sucks more; Iggy's or mine?

Ari & Jeb: Pfffft; ours!

Ari: WE'RE SON AND FATHER—

Jeb: WE'RE PRETTY CLOSE, I WOULD SAY.

Ari: BUT I'VE BEEN PISSED AT HIM—

Jeb: SINCE I FUCKED 'ROUND WIT HIS DNA!

Ari: I'M WOLFY AND SHOULD BE
IN THE SECOND GRADE—OHHH!
EVERY DAY IS SAD AND PAINFUL—

Jeb: ARI PLEASE DON'T BE DISDAINFUL!

Ari: YOU FUSED MY NECK BACK,
YOU SEWED WINGS UNDER MY SKIN.

Jeb: WELL YEAH—
THAT'S ONLY CAUSE YOU LOST A FIGHT
THAT WAS AN EASY WIN!

Ari: YOU MAKE ME FLY
AND THEN I DIE IN THE END—

Jeb: WOE IS YOU
I WISH I COULD DIE TOO

All: IT SUCKS TO BE ME! (in a sort of round)
IS THERE ANYBODY HERE
IT DOESN'T SUCK TO BE?
IT SUCKS TO BE ME.
DA DA DA DA DA! (in a round)

ter Borcht: Why're you all so happy?

Iggy: Because our lives suck!

ter Borcht: Your lives suck? Am I hearing you correctly? Ze HA!
I AM A SCARY WHITECOAT
WHO LOVES TO PLAY WITH WEENGZ.
I DECIDED TO MORPH ALL OF YOU
INTO MY FLYING TRAPEZE.
AND NOW YOU'RE OLDER
AND YOU MOUTH OFF TO ME
AAAAAAND THAT'S NOT GOOD
AND NOW I WANT YOU TO DIIIE
AND NOW I AM FLYING HIIIGH
AND I HAVE AN IDIOTIC ASSOCIATE
AND NOW YOU FINALLY CAN SEE—
IT SUCK TO BE ME!
IT SUCK TO BE ME!
I SAY IT SUCKA-SUCKA-SUCKA-SUCKA-
SUCKA-SUCKA-SUCKA-SUCKA-SUCKA-SUCKA-
SUCKA-SUCKA-SUCK!
IT SUCK TO BE ME.

Fang: Hey guys... I'm a little depressed, and you singing about life sucking isn't that cool. Anyone whose life doesn't suck?

Iggy: Yeah, Angel—let me get her.

Fang: Thanks.

Iggy: YO, ANGEL!

Angel: I'm comin', I'm comin'.
I'M SUCH AN ANGEL—
DON'T YOU LOVE MY LOCKS OF LUST?
I SHOULD BE LEADER OF THE FLOCK
'CAUSE I'M BEYOND ROBUST!
I HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS,
I TALK TO FISH
MAKE ANOTHER ONE BITE THE DUST—!
NOW I'M HERE,
TAKING ORDERS FROM BOSSY!
SHE'S PISSING ME OFF...

All: IT SUCKS TO BE YOU!

ter Borcht: You win!

All: IT SUCKS TO BE YOU!

Iggy: I feel better now!

Angel: TRY HAVING PEOPLE
STOPPING YOU TO ASK YOU,
"What am I thinking?!"
... it gets old.

All: IT SUCKS TO BE YOU
YOU'RE BIRD PERCENT TWO
(SUCKS TO BE ME)
YOU'RE BIRD PERCENT TWO
(SUCKS TO BE YOU)
YOU'RE BIRD PERCENT TWO
(SUCKS TO BE US)
BUT NOT WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER
WE'RE TOGETHER HERE
WE'RE BIRD PERCENT TWO
WE'RE HERE WE'RE BIRD PERCENT TWO
ARE FRIENDS ARE LOONS.
'TILL OUR WINGS ARE THROUGH
WE LIVE AS BIRD PERCENT TWO.
WE LIVE AS BIRD PERCENT TWO.
WE LIVE AS BIRD PERCENT TWO.
THE LIFE OF A BIRD PERCENT TWO!

A/N: XD... I had way too much fun.

Review?

--Steph.