If He Got Laid by Supergirrl

Category:Maximum Ride
Genre:Humor
Language:English
Characters:Ari B., Jeb B.
Status:Completed
Published:2006-12-26 09:47:24
Updated:2006-12-26 09:47:24
Packaged:2021-04-04 15:42:28
Rating:K+
Chapters:1
Words:811
Publisher:www.fanfiction.net
Summary:Jeb and Anne discuss the moodiness of their son.... Done on RStarcat's prompt.

If He Got Laid

Okay, this is a challenge from R-Starcat that I took up. It's not a serious story, and is supposed to be kind of stupid and pointless. If you're going to flame me, give me a better reason than that. There probably is some OOCness.

Disclaimer: I don't own it.


Jeb and Anne watched Ari storm angrily from the small trailer, slamming the rickety door behind him.

Anne dropped her head onto the table she sat at. "What is wrong with our son?"

For once, Jeb had no answer for a minute. They sat in silence, beforeā€¦.

"You know, he'd be a little less...you know, if he got laid."

Anne looked at her husband, clearly shocked. "He's an Eraser."

Jeb gave her a look that clearly said," Fantastic, Anne. What more brilliant observations do you have to offer?"

Realizing what she had just said, Anne continued," I mean, they don't seem to have that problem. Sexual frustration isn't common with Erasers."

Which was true. Erasers, after all, got bored like everyone else, and with only fellow attractive Erasers to take their boredom out on, it was only a matter of time before they figured out a way to get rid of pent-up energy. The scientists had tried to remove the Erasers' sex drive, but they had only succeeded in making them hornier. The next plan was to make all the males eunuchs, but in doing so, their aggressiveness levels dropped to a bare minimum. Admitting their defeat, the scientists simply decided to let the Erasers do whatever they wanted, and handed out birth control. So far, only one Eraser had gotten pregnant, and she had been near her expiration date and died before the baby was born.

Jeb realized what she was saying, and shrugged. "The female Erasers just don't like him. I wonder why?"

Anne stared at him with pure disbelief, as if she were wondering if her husband was really that stupid. After a moment's silence, she said," You want the long list or the short?"

"Long."

Anne took a deep breath, preparing herself. "Reason one, he's psychotic. I don't even need to explain that, it just is. Reason two; all the other male Erasers are attractive. He's not. I feel bad saying that, but it's true. Reason three, he's their leader. If she, theoretically, didn't make him happy or left him, she might get killed. Reason four, the Erasers aren't rocket scientists, but they aren't morons, either. Most of them have figured out that he's infatuated with Max, who clearly couldn't care less about him, but he still likes her."

Jeb tilted his head with a curious look in his eyes. "Wait, Ari likes Max? Like that? When did this happen?"

Anne rolled her eyes. "Um, since we made him an Eraser? You still haven't figured that out? Judging by the blank look on your face, I guess you haven't."

Jeb's face was a combination of pure disgust, revulsion, and horror. "I agreed to help him kidnap her!"

Anne wondered how a man with such a high IQ could be such a complete moron.

" I take it you didn't hear about the you're-so-pretty-when-you're-sleeping thing?"

"Huh? How did you know about that?"

"Unlike some people, I actually make it a point to talk to my own offspring. You should try it sometime, you learn a lot."

A shadow fell across their table as Ari reentered the trailer, still looking furious.

"Is it true that you like Max?" Jeb's face was pale, and he looked like he would vomit at any given moment.

"Who wants to know?" The defensiveness that clouded the Eraser's face was a good enough answer for Anne.

"I do."

"Maybe, maybe not."

"If you don't tell me, your whole kidnapping plan is off."

Ari frowned, then replied," Fine, I do. Happy now?"

Ten years of marriage had taught Anne how to recognize Jeb's body language before he started to yell, and right now, warning signs were going off in her head. She inched towards the door, preparing to dive out the door a moment's notice.

The tension between father and son was so great that you could have cut it with a knife.

Anne's hand was on the door handle, and she slowly pulled it open, waiting for the coming storm.

"How could you do this to me?!!!!!!!!!!"

Anne wondered what was wrong with the men in her family as she strode quickly across the grass, ignoring her shouting husband and yelling son.

Just another day in the life of Anne Walker.


Well, R-Starcat, what did you think? Was it good enough? Review!

O.G.