Fanfiction Meets Youtube by St. Fang of Boredom

Category:Maximum Ride
Genre:Humor, Parody
Published:2009-02-28 22:57:06
Updated:2012-11-01 23:25:53
Packaged:2021-05-07 02:48:39
Summary:What happens when you combine 1 St. Fang of Boredom, fanfiction, and youtube? Complete and total loss of Flock sanity! All oneshots based on videos made by Youtuber, makemebad35.

Table of Contents

1. The Banana Mishap
2. omg, HATERZ!
3. Confessions of Spilt Milk
4. Coloring IS Talent
5. The Fangirl Ghost
6. Couch Potato
7. WTF Dream Land
8. Drug Deal Gone Bad!
9. Mr Wooden Alligator
10. Mr Wooden Alligator Returns
11. Monopoly Madness!
12. Mr Wooden Alligator: Scrambled Eggs
13. A Roomate Christmas
14. To Catch a Predator
15. The Screamer
16. How to Stalk Fang
17. Insane Twins

1. The Banana Mishap

Anyone else around here a YouTube addict?

Well, I happened to be thinking about this video made by my favorite YouTube star, makemebad35, while I was brushing my teeth today. (Why do I keep having these random thoughts in the bathroom?) He made this awesomely funny video called 'The Banana Mishap'. It suddenly occured to me, as I was thinking about this video and laughing my butt off about it (causing me to choke on toothpaste) that it would be so funny if someone made it into a fanfiction somehow. And, since I came up with the idea, why not make it your's truly?

So this story was born. Once again, why are so many of my messed-up stories (The Story of Justin and Ninja Fang) thought up while in the bathroom?

Anyway, let's see how this works....

Oh, and I'd suggest that either before or after you read this fanfiction, you go check out the actual video! They're hilarious!

Just Disclaimer Off!: I do not own Maximum Ride. Enough said.

I am also not makemebad35, AKA Damien, so do not own any of his extremely funny videos. Therefore, most all hilariousness is his, not mine. Makemebad35 is the bomb!!!!!

Dear makemebad35,

I hope you do not take offense to me making your videos into fanfiction. I think you are freaking hilarious, which is why I was inspired to write this. I thank you for the hours of laughs you have given me and for such memorable phrases as 'Just Jerk Off!' Jimmy is betterer than Fred and your Grandpa is the awesomest.

-St. Fang

A Note: In an attempt to keep this story as T rated as possible, without bordering on M, I've tried to clean up some of the phrases from the actual videos. Plus, by changing some of the phrasing, I can make it fit better as an MR parody. Plus, I just have something against having Iggy say "I have a hard (insert what you think the word is here. I know you know what it is...)"

OOC Alert!!!: Before everyone informs me and/or complains about it, I'm saying it right now. Everyone is completely OOC. It's a parody, people! What do you expect?

The Banana Mishap

Iggy, Nudge, and Ella werejust coming back into the house after a walk outside. The two girls were laughing and giggling about some story Ella was telling about some guy at school. The decided to head over to the kitchen to grab a drink. As they walked into the kitchen, Iggy randomly announced, "I have a bomb in my pants!"

Before anyone could reply to the random outburst, however, the lights flicked on, revealing Fang sitting at the kitchen table. He had a pile of banana peels lying in front of him, and he didn't look particularily happy...

"Fang?" Ella asked.

"Who ate my mother-flipping bananas?!"

"What's up?" Ella asked again, confused.


"Damn, Fang must love his bananas." Nudge said.


"I have a bomb in my pants." Iggy announced. Again.

"What are you talking about?" Ella asked. "What bananas?"

Suddenly, Fang turned to a corner of the room. "STOP DOING FLIPPING PUSH-UPS, GAZ!"

"Nooooo!" Gazzy, who was doing push-ups in the corner, answered.

Fang stood up and turned back to answer Ella. "The bananas I brought into the room! The bananas I was gonna eat!"

"Then why are you saying someone ate them?" Ella asked.

"Because the banana peels were everywhere! There was one in the microwave, there was one placed in the air conditioning, there was one in the shower, and someone even had the audacity to put macaroni and cheese inside the banana peel! What kind of sick son of a whitecoat, from the fifth layer of hell DOES THAT?!?!"

"Some banana-loving bird kids." Nudge answered, laughing.

" 'SCUSE ME?" Fang yelled back at her.

"Hey, man." said Iggy, "We can just get you some new bananas. It's not that big of a deal."

"But that's the thing!" Fang exclaimed. "It is, because it takes me an hour just to get a few! And the banana peels are everywhere! And it's banana hour!"

"What the flip is 'banana hour'?" Nudge asked.

"It's the time when I eat my pink bananas!!!!!"


"Now, " Fang said, pointing. "Which one of you was it?" He pointed to Nudge. "Was it you, Cracker?"

"Did he just call me a cracker?" Nudge asked.

Fang turned to Ella. "How about you, Rice and Beans?"

Ella glared. She exclaimed something in spanish that sounded vaguely inapropriate.

Fang glared at Iggy next. "What about you, Dr. Pepper?"

Iggy stared. "That doesn't even make sense..."

"Well, it had to have been one of you! WHO ATE MY BANANAS?!"

Suddenly, the front door opened and Max walked in. "What are you guys doing in here? Playing hide and go scream?"

"Apparently, someone ate Fang's bananas." Ella answered. "And he's not happy about it."

Max rolled her eyes. "Fang, no one ate your bananas! You ate them all last night when you were high of too much Nyquil, playing banana puppets."


Fang was sitting on the couch, banana in each hand and a banana peel on his head.

"So, how's it feel to be a monkey's favorite food?" One banana asked the other

"SHUT UP!!!!"

Fang began to rub the bananas all over his face. "I've got banana make-up! I've got banana make-up on my face!"

He squished the bananas into his face. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


"Oh my God." Fang said, shocked at his sudden flashback. "I can't live with myself like this! I need to go!"

He began running to the door, screaming madly every time he ran into someone. As he stormed out of the house, everyone yelled after him, "Just Fly Off!"


I just read that. That is messed up........

I wish I could make it into an actual video. It'd be funnier...

Oh well....

2. omg, HATERZ!

Fang gets some blog criticism......

Oh, and for future reference, the name of the video each chapter/oneshot is based on is both the name of the chapter and at the beginning in bold. See, this one's named omg, HATERZ!!!!

Got it?

omg, HATERZ!!!!

Fang went over and took a seat at his computer. "Let's check to see how my blog's doing..."

He scrolled through the comments. "Oh, more comments! Wow, a lot of positive ones, too." He shook his head, sighing. "But there's so many nasty ones!" He slammed his fists on the keyboard. "I can't take it anymore!"

Suddenly, a voice rang out from his computer speakers. "Stop looking at my screen, birdtard!"

"Birdtard?" Fang was extremely confused. "Wait, how are you talking to me?"

"Your blogs suck!" The computer announced. "Don't ever use me again!" The computer shut off. "Access Denied."

"What the heck's going on?" Fang asked.

Suddenly, a voice called out from the corner, where his guitar sat. "It's obvious the computer doesn't want you to blog on him anymore. This is because you suck and you can't blog worth crap!"

"What? Guitars can't talk!" Fang exclaimed, extremely freaked out.

"And you can't play me worth crap!" The guitar shot back. "Do me a favor and never touch me again, because every time you do, I bleed inside!"

"Oh my God." Fang said, jumping out of his chair. He went to his door and grabbed the doorknob, trying to leave.

Suddenly, laughter rang from the doorknob. "Dude, you have girl hands!"

Fang sprang back. "Shut up, door!" He grabbed the doorknob again, quickly opening the door and racing out of his room.

His raced to the kitchen, muttering, "This can't be real..." He opened the fridge and pulled some food out. He put the food on the table and went over to the stove, turning the burner on. Just as the little blue flames sprung up, the stove suddenly yelled, "FLAMER!"

Fang screamed, jumping away from the stove. He grabbed the phone and started dialing, at the same time, going to sit down in a chair. As soon as his behind touched that chair, however, a voice came from the chair as well. ""Bony Ass!"

Fang screamed again, jumping out of the chair and going to sit in a corner on the floor instead. He dialed 911. "911! You have to help me! There's something crazy going on! I need your help!"

"Sorry, sir." The man on the other line announced. "We don't help bird-freaks."

Fang stared at the phone. "NOOO!!!!"

He started to run again, but tripped and fell. Giggling erupted from the floor. "Dude, are you so bad at walking you can't even walk on the floor?"

"SHUT UP!!" Fang yelled, springing to his feet.

As he ran off, the floor yelled. "Just do the world a favor and cut off your feet!"

Fang ran toward the door, flinging it open. Outside, Akila was sitting on the porch, waiting for him. Akila looked up at Fang. "Ruff ruff, dumbass!"

Fang screamed and ran for where Dr. Martinez's car was parked. Akila followed him, yelling, "Ruff ruff, dumbass!"

He dove into Dr. M's car, shutting the door behind him. As he tried to catch his breath, he turned the radio on.

"And we're back on 98.7. Wait a minute, folks! We've got Fang listening to us! Oh man, this guy is a complete honkey! His blogs suck so bad! Hey, Fang, why don't you go play in some woods, and play with some bears, you should play some tag with some bears 'cause your blogs suck!"

Fang had had it. "AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Suddenly, Fang jumped up, nearly knocking Max off the couch. "I'm not a dumbass!"

He looked around the room, as the entire Flock stared at him. It had all been a dream...

"Oh, crap!"

I like this one....

Be nice to Fang on his blogs! You don't want to have to pay for his therapy...

3. Confessions of Spilt Milk

You are reading: Fang's Blog (Which does NOT suck!)

You are visitor number: I don't care, as long as you don't tell me I'm a dumbass.

Confessions Of Spilt Milk

If you're reading this, I successfully posted the blog, and I'm back down here in this cold, dark cellar.

I did something bad.

I did something really bad.

I'm a bad bird-kid!

Just a little bit ago, I.....I made chocolate milk. I tried to make some chocolate milk, but plans have changed..............


I opened a bottle of milk, and started to pour it into my cup. Suddenly I heard a sound and I turned around, exclaiming, "Hey, is that a giraffe?"

And the milk spilled on the floor.

I stared at the terrible puddle of white milk staining the floor. "I'm such a white cracker!!"


I spilt the milk! And Dr. Martinez isn't going to be happy.

I couldn't just dry it up! Dr. Martinez knows when her towels are touched. She'll know! She'll ask me and she'll know!

Ya know, I tried other methods of trying to get rid of it.

Like licking it up.

But that's not gonna work.

So I tried magic.


I sat on the floor and held my hands out over the terrible white puddle. "Abra Kadabra, Alakazam! Kadabra! Abra Kadabra! Alakazamkadabraabra! HotPocket!"


I guess magic isn't my thing.

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm so scared. My only last option was to come down in this cellar...

I don't want to be punished!

People say, 'Don't cry over spilled milk.'

Well, you know what? I'm crying! I'm crying on the inside! And a little bit on the out.

I'm so scared! I don't know what to do!


Holy crap! Dr. Martinez is home!

[This feed was terminated by a malfunction on the user's device.]

Poor Fangy....

4. Coloring IS Talent

Iggy and Fang are bored. So why not do something manly? Like, oh say...coloring!

Fang: Coloring is not manly.

Me: You just say that 'cause you're not comfortable with your sexuality.


Coloring IS Talent

Fang walked into the living room where Iggy was sitting on the couch, bored. Fang plopped down next to him, pointing back towards the hall. "Hey, Ig, there's some homeless people in the basement again, watching Dr. M's TV."

Iggy just shrugged. "Yeah, I know."

"Oh." Fang said, also shrugging. "I can't believe we're the only ones home today."

Iggy nodded. "Yeah, I'm kinda bored."

"Well, is there anything we could do?" Fang asked.

"Well, I was thinking we could make some bombs or something. Set them off in the front yard and confuse the cops again."

"Nice." Fang said enthusiasticly. "That sounds really fun and safe!"

"Yeah, sounds pretty cool." Iggy agreed.

Fang smiled slyly. "Hey, we could call up some of Ella's friends. You know, girl friends. Max isn't here to call us sexist pigs..."

Iggy nodded, grinning. "Not bad..."

"You know what I mean?" Fang asked. "We could have, like, a bomb party! Invite all the girls..."

"Yeah." Iggy agreed.

"Yeah!" Fang said excitedly.

"But wait!" Iggy said suddenly. "I hate to burst your bubble, but I got something that's gonna knock your socks off." He reached under the couch, pulling out two large books.

Fang nearly freaked out at the sight of them. "HOLY FREAK, THEY'RE COLORING BOOKS!"

"I forgot I had these babies." Iggy said, grinning. "They're the rare, jumbo fun size."

"Forget about all the bombs and girls!" Fang said. "LET'S COLOR!"

"Alright!" Iggy said.

"Hey, wait..." Fang said. "You can't see the coloring books! You're blind!"

"They have a white background, Fang! Duh!"


Five minutes later, they were seated on the floor at the coffee table, a jumbo coloring book in front of each of them.

"Ok," Fang said. "This is a coloring contest. The one with the best picture's automatically.....the greatest person in the world."

"Well, then it looks like I'm gonna be the greatest person alive." Iggy said confidently.

"Let's go, you pansy!" Fang said, grabbing a crayon.

"Alright..." Iggy replied, grabbing a crayon of his own.

They both colored madly, arms moving so fast, it looked like they'd fall off. They were exerting so much energy into their coloring, they were panting. And making other noises.


"NO WAY!" Iggy said back. "I got this in the bag!"

As they were coloring, Magnolia barked somewhere outside. "SHUT UP, DOG!" Fang yelled.

They continued coloring like maniacs.

"And, stop!" Fang said, slamming down his crayon.

"Alright, let's see what you have." Iggy said.

"Check it out." said Fang, lifting his coloring book. "It's an indian riding a teddy bear."


"What about you?" Fang asked.

"Wait 'till you see this." Iggy said, lifting his coloring book.

Fang threw his arms up. "Ok, my picture wins!"

"What?!" Iggy exclaimed, angry. "What makes you decide who colors better?"

"Dude, all you did was draw a wing!" Fang said, pointing toward Iggy's picture, where he had drawn a green wing over the actual picture of an octopus.

"Is that so wrong?" Iggy asked, turning his book back around to look at it.

"You were supposed to color the octopus!"

"Fine." Iggy announced. "Best two out of three."

"You got it!" Fang said, flipping through his coloring book.

They both started coloring madly again. Now, they were making sounds that made them sound slightly possesed.

"Hey, dude, pass me the blue." Fang said, still coloring.

"Hold on!" Iggy said. "I'm using it!"


"And what happens if I don't?" Iggy said slyly.

"Then I'm gonna take this yellow crayon and shove it down your throat!" Fang said, waving a yellow crayon in Iggy's face.

Totally freaked out, Iggy handed the blue crayon to Fang.

"That'a boy." Fang said, pulling the crayon away from Iggy.

"Ok, stop!" Fang said fifteen minutes later, putting his crayon down.

"Ok, you first this time." Iggy said.

"Check 'em out!" Fang said, holding up his book to reveal a picture of a glowing baseball glove.

"You dreams are about to be shattered." Iggy said, holding up his coloring book. "It's not every day you get to see a beautiful coloring of a hippo taking a shower."

Fang wasn't happy. "Ok, last round! This'll prove who's best!"

"You're on!"

Once again, they were coloring madly, the sounds they were making getting weirder.

"You're gonna lose, dumbass!" Fang yelled at Iggy.

"I'm gonna cut off your wing and use it as a lamp shade!" Iggy replied.

Fang froze, staring at Iggy. "You're sick!"

"Oh man, this picture is so legit!" Iggy said, still coloring.

Magnolia barked again from outside. She probably wanted to come in, but Fang just yelled, "SHUT UP, DOG!" again.

"Stop!" Fang finally said. "Let's see what you've got."

"Hold on to your hat." Iggy said, grinning.

Fang reached up on top of his head to grab his hat, then realized he didn't have one.

"This is my crying bracelet." said Iggy, holding up a picture of.....a crying bracelet.

"Oh, a sad bracelet!" Fang said, surprised. "Go fly sideways."

"I take it that I totally destroyed you?" Iggy asked, smug.

"Not so fast." Fang said, picking up his coloring book. "Weep at my creation!" He lifted the book, showing Iggy his picture. It was a little girl crawling onto a table. Her underwear was showing.

"Sweet God." Iggy whispered.

"It's an up-skirt shot of a little girl climbing a kitchen table." Fang said.

"That is disgusting!" Iggy yelled, slamming down his book.

"I know..."

"But it is the greatest picture known to man." Iggy stated.

"Bingo." Fang answered.

"No!" Iggy said. "You can't win like this!"

"Oh, but I have." Fang replied. "I have the best picture ever!'

"I want you to fail!" Iggy yelled.

"Too bad." Fang said, lifting up his picture again to show Iggy. "I'm going to hang this up in your room so you can see how much win I am every day."

Iggy suddenly reached across the table and ripped Fang's picture in two.

Fang was pissed. "You're not my best friend anymore!"

"Fine!" Iggy countered. "Let the coloring book get the best of you!"

"It's not the coloring book, it's you!" Fang said, pointing at Iggy menacingly. "You're nothing but FAIL!"

"GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!!!" Iggy yelled, jumping to his feet.

"I WILL!" Fang yelled back, jumping up also.

Fang stormed to the door and out of the house. Iggy, still pissed, followed him close behind.

As he was storming across the yard, Fang yelled, "If you don't mind, I'm gonna go hang out with a lot of girls now!"

"Alright, you go do that!" Iggy yelled back.

"I will! And I'm gonna like it!" Fang said, turning back towards Iggy.

"Yeah, well while you're off doing that, I'm gonna go in there and make some awesome bombs!"

"Yeah, well you have fun with that!"

"I will have fun! And I'm gonna piss off some freaking cops!"

"FINE!" Fang yelled, storming towards the woods.

"FINE!" Iggy yelled, storming back into the house and closing the door.

Fang was almost to the woods, when he stopped, realization crossing his face. "Wait, I just got kicked out of my own house!"


Don't worry, Fang, you totally won the colorng contest. Don't listen to Iggy.

Fang: Yeah, and I got to go hang out with girls, so who cares?

Me: -smacks forehead- Sexist pig. Besides, you got kicked out of your own house.

Fang: Oh, yeah....


Oh, and if anyone watches makemebad35's videos and would like to make a suggestion on what I should do next, please do!

5. The Fangirl Ghost

This video is actually known as 'The Homosexual Ghost' but for reasons that have to do with me wanting to keep this thing rated T, I changed it a bit...

Fang: Thank God.

Me: What, Fang, homophobic?

Fang: Straight. Just straight.

Me: Or in denial...


The Fangirl Ghost

It was 3:18 in the morning, and Fang was sleeping peacefully in the room he and Iggy shared at Dr. Martinez's. Suddenly, his peaceful sleep was interrupted...

"Oooooo.........OOoooooo.........I want your wings!!"

Fang eyes flew open. "What the-?"

He jumped out of bed and ran across the room to turn on the lights. "Who's there? Show yourself!"

Suddenly, a female voice rang through the room. "I was killed by an angry mob at Wal-Mart, trying to buy the new Maximum Ride book....And I love you, Fang!"

"Ghost!" Fang yelled, jumping back into the safety of his bed. "Crazy Fangirl Ghost!!!"

He lay there in silence for a minute, eyes darting around, looking for this mysterious ghost.

The voice rang out again. "I want to kidnap you and keep you in my basement!"

Fang, shot up in bed. "Show yourself!"

Suddenly, the figure of a girl in a black cloak appeared before him. "Scoobidydodoboo!"

Fang turned to Iggy, who had miraculously slept through all of his yelling. "Iggy, wake up! Wake up!"

Iggy slowly rose out of bed. He did not look happy. "What do you want?"

"Iggy, there's a ghost in here! Look!"

"Uhhh...Fang? Hello?" He pointed to his eyes.

"Oh, yeah....Well, listen!"

Iggy looked exasperated. "The only thing I hear is a dumbass on a bed!"

"No, really! There's a ghost!"

"If you wake me up again, for some B.S. ghost, I'm gonna get one of my bombs and toss it in your face." Iggy flopped back down in bed, shutting his eyes.

"Iggy, you don't see her, but she's there! Iggy....STOP DOING PUSH-UPS, GAZ!!!"

"NO!" Gazzy yelled from the corner, where he was once again, randomly doing push-ups.

"Please, what do you want?" Fang asked the ghost.

The ghost smiled evilly. "I want some cookies and wings!"

"You can take my cookies, but you'll never take my wings!" Fang shot back defiantly.

"I don't think you understand." The ghost said, pointing at him. "I was killed by a mob of your fans, so how do you think I feel?"

Fang just stared back, unable to find an answer.

"Are you ready to come live in my basement with me?"

"NO!" Fang yelled back, scooting away from the ghost on his bed. "Not in the basement!!"

The ghost just stepped closer. "Prepare to learn the true power of an overzealous fangirl!"

Fang shot back up. "NO! IGGY! IGGY!!"

Iggy shot up in bed, throwing his blankets aside angrily. "I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GONNA CUT THE NOSE OFF YOUR FACE!"

"For real, Iggy! The ghost is right here! She wants to take me to live in her basement!"

"Ok." Iggy said, putting his face in his hands. "No more fruit punch before bed!"

"No, Ig, it's not the fruit punch, damnit! The ghost is going to kidnap me!"

Iggy shook his head. "Well, don't worry, Fang, because I'm going to kill you before that happens if you don't SHUT THE FREAK UP!!"

Fang punched his mattress. "You suck at being a roommate!"

Iggy sighed. "Look, I don't hear a thing. You must be having some stupid nightmare. So, go back to sleep, tell yourself you're dreaming, and, uh, if you wake me up again, YOU'RE GONNA DIE!" He, once again, flopped back down in his bed, quickly falling back to sleep.

"Iggy, but-!" Fang finally just sighed, closing his eyes. "There's no fangirl ghost, she doesn't want cookies or wings. I'm just having a nightmare."

When Fang opened his eyes, the ghost was gone. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Wow, I guess Iggy was right." He said as he got up to turn the light out. "It must have just been some crazy hallucination." As he walked over to the light switch, he began to sing. "There's no such thing as a ghost, there's no such thing as a fangirl ghost..."

He flicked the lights out and crawled back into bed, finally able to fall asleep. But not for long....

He felt something crawling onto his bed. "It's kidnapping time...."


Next thing Fang knew, he was no longer in his room with Iggy, but in a basement somewhere.

"No! No! I want to go home! No! No!!!!!"


"Hey, this place isn't so bad! It's actually kind of comfortable!"

"I think I might do a crossword puzzle!"


Don't let a ghost kidnap you this Halloween.

Unless you want one to...

Fang: Hmmmm....that ghost sounds familiar...

Me: See, Fang? Even if I die, you are not safe....

Fang: .....Heh, heh, good to know....


6. Couch Potato

As suggested by Randomitis Sufferer in an attempt to get me to update. It worked.

Couch Potato

Fang was storming through the house, angrily looking for Iggy. He stomped into the living room.

"Iggy, how many times do I have to tell you to stop leaving dead animals in our room?!"

He looked around the supposedly empty living room and noticed that the T.V. had been left on. Then, he turned to the couch.

Suspensful music played.

There, on the couch, was a potato with a picture of Iggy's face stapled to it.

Fang jumped backwards. "IGGY'S A POTATO!!"

"I hate my life." Iggy Potato mumbled back.

"I told you watching too much T.V. would turn you into a couch potato!" Fang scolded him.

"Oh, shut the hell up." Iggy shot back.

"Look," Fang said, sighing and picking Iggy up. "Do you want me to help you or not?"

"What can you do?" Iggy asked. "I'M A FREAKING POTATO!"

"Shut up!" Fang shot back. "I know you're not just a stupid potato!"

Suddenly, Gazzy walked through the room, eating butter on a stick. "I like butter." He walked away.

Fang stared.

"Let me ask you something." Iggy said, snapping Fang back into reality. "Would you ever kiss a potato?"


"Would you ever make out with a potato?"

"What? Why would I want to do that?"

"Exactly. What do you expect me to do. Potato-kiss Ella?"

"Ok, just-.....You're dating Ella?"

"Not the point...."

"Ok, just chill out, I have an idea."

Fang took Iggy into his room and began to walk him over to the closet.

"What are you doing?" Iggy asked.

"I'm asking the Almighty Black Dog in my closet for help." Fang stated.

He opened the closet door to reveal Total, sitting in his closet and wearing sunglasses. "Bow down, birdboy."

Fang bowed down to Total, the Almighty Black Dog. "Almighty Black Dog, my friend has turned into a potato, what should I do?"

Total looked at Iggy and laughed. "You're one stupid birdboy."

"That I am." Fang replied.

"I'm waiting..." Iggy said impatiently.

"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID POTATO!" Fang yelled at him.

Iggy laughed sarcastically.

"You ain't kidding, he's a damn potato." Total said.

"I told you!" Fang said.

"Ok, I think I can help you." Total said.

"What do you suggest?" Fang asked.

"You're going to have to take the potato, put it in a bowl, and pour Campbell's Soup on it."

"Uhhh....Excuse me?" Iggy asked. He was no fan of Campbell's.

"Along with that," Total continued, ignoring Iggy. "You must shout out three majestic words."

"No one is pouring soup on me." Iggy butt in.

"SHUT UP!" Fang yelled. "If we have to do it, we have to do it."

"I hate my life..." Iggy muttered again.

"What are the three words?" Fang asked Total.

"Come closer." Total said. "To speak them out loud may cause some chaos."

Fang stepped closer, and Total whispered the three words in his ear.

Later, Fang had taken Iggy into the kitchen and stuck him in a bowl.

"Here it goes." Fang said, holding up the open Campbell's Soup can.

"Pour it on me!" Iggy yelled, sick of being a potato. "Pour it on me now!"

Fang began to pour the soup on Iggy. He yelled the majestic words. "LLAMAS CAMPBELLS RANDOMITIS!"

There was a great explosion that knocked Fang to the floor. He pulled himself up and looked in the bowl to see...a potato.

"Well, nothing's changed." Iggy Potato grumbled. "I'm still a potato, soaked in Campbell's."

"DAMN!" Fang cursed angrily.

Fang wiped Iggy off and carried him back to The Almighty Black Dog, throwing his closet door open. "The ritual was a fail!" Fang told Total.

"Darn." Total said. "I must have confused it with the Pudding ritual."

"Well, isn't there another way?" Fang asked desperetly.

"There is one way." Total answered. "But it's the most painful way."

"What is it I have to do then?" Fang asked.

"You have to take that potato, take a knife, and slowly cut the potato open. It will release your friend's spirit. From there, he will return to human form."

"Thanks so much!" Fang said, running off.

"Hey, close the door, birdboy!" Total yelled after him.

Fang took Iggy back to the kitchen. He placed him on the counter and got a sharp knife. "Are you ready?" He asked Iggy, holding the knife over him.

"Don't do it, man." Iggy pleaded. "Just don't do it!"

"Just pretend it's a sharp tickle in your tummy!" Fang said.

"How is that supposed to make sense??!!" Iggy asked.

"One...Two...Three!" Fang stabbed the picture of Iggy's face.

Iggy began screaming bloody murder. Fang stabbed Potato Iggy numerous times, smiling evilly. It was almost like he was getting revenge for that whole 'Fangirl Ghost' incident....

Fang sliced the potato in two, causing red potato juice to come out of it. Suddenly, Human Iggy appeared on the counter.

"Hey, I'm no longer a potato!"

Iggy looked around. He couldn't see Fang anywhere. He looked on the floor. "Fang?"

"I'M A FREAKING BANANA!!!!" Fang yelled. And yes, on the floor, sat Banana Fang.

"Oh my Gosh." Iggy said, hopping off the counter and picking Fang off the floor.

"Please, help me, man." Fang pleaded.

"I should've known this was gonna happen." Iggy muttered.

"Oh, Gosh..." Fang said, freaked out.

"Don't worry, I've got an excellent idea on how to save you." Iggy said.

"Oh, thanks, man." Fang said, relieved.

"I kinda picked up the idea while you were cutting me there on the counter." Iggy explained. "I thought it'd be a great idea..."

Suddenly, Iggy swung around and threw Fang against the wall.

"HEY!!!" Fang screamed. Then, he was squished.

Fang: Did you just kill me?

Me: I don't know, what do you think?

Fang: I think you killed me.

Me: You're such a pessimist.

Fang: You're evil!


7. WTF Dream Land

Randomitis Sufferer just keeps giving me ideas here...

Fang: And you keep messing with me...

Me: At least you survived being squished.

Fang: -sigh-

Me: Just a note, I added in the 'Charmed' thing myself.

Fang: Of course...

WTF Dream Land

Hey, have you ever had a dream that didn't make any sense? And after that dream, you had another dream that didn't make any sense? It's like you're doing something, then be suddenly doing something completely different. Well, I think this young man's having one of those dreams. Let's see what's going on.

Inside Fang's Dream Land:

Fang is madly playing a video game in Dr. Martinez's living room.

"Bringing it back old school...Come on! Whip that turtle! Come on, Samus!"

Suddenly, Fang drops the video game controller and begins to play a random electric guitar.

He just as suddenly drops his guitar, and finds himself sitting on the couch watching an episode of 'Charmed'. Fang turned around on the couch, reaching behind it to grab a bottle of water. When he turns back to the TV, he happens to look down...


Fang turns and is suddenly sitting on the floor, almost in tears, in front of a blow-up pink whale toy.

"Look, I'm a sick old man now. I don't need any more pink whales in my life! I DON'T NEED NO PINK WHALES! I'm done with pink whales always cheating on me! I'm tired of it!"

When Fang next looks at his pink whale, he sees a kitten instead.


Fang turns again and is suddenly trapped in the kitchen.

"Please, can somebody hear me? GET ME OUT!!!!"

Then, the lights go out.


The lights turn back on and Fang begins pacing backwards through the kitchen.

"Where are the pickles? Where are the pickles at?"

Fang suddenly plops down on the floor, looking up at a pear on the counter.

"Where are the pickles?" The pear asks. "Where are the pickles?"

Fang ignores the pear and grabs a phone out of nowhere, dialing a number.

"Yeah, for delivery. Yeah, can I get one large cheese pizza and one large pepperoni? .....Pizza! The Zoo??? What do you mean 'The Zoo'?! I DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOUR PANDA BEARS!!"

The lights in the kitchen suddenly go out again as the words 'panda bears' echo in the background. Fang grabs a flashlight out of nowhere.

"Please, Mommy, not the fork again!"

The lights flash back on, and Fang is crying in front of his pink whale again.


Fang turns around and sees Akila. He sits next to her and begins to pet her awkwardly.

Fang obviously got sick of petting Akila. He gets up and is suddenly standing in the woods, holding a bottle of dressing tightly in both hands.

"I must find the orchard of this bacon ranch dressing!" He began punching the bottle. "Where'd you come from?!" He pointed at his head. "If it wasn't for these bird brains, I'd figure you out! This is all Dr. Daddy Macaroni's fault! CURSE YOU DR. DADDY MACARONI!!! I only have these bird brains, because my regular brains weren't good enough. I was so stupid, I had to be replaced with bird brains. I'm smarter with bird brains!"

"Dr. Daddy Macaroni."

"Dr. Daddy Macaroni."

"Dr. Daddy Macaroni."



"I'm screwed! I'm screwed! I'm FU-"

Fang shot up in his bed.

"CHEATING PINK WHALES AND PIZZA DELIVERY GONE WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Fang looked around the room, suddenly realizing where he was. He sighed.

"Well, it looks like it's time to fly off."


Fang: Oh, stop it.

Me: Why, Fang?

Fang: 'Cuz you're annoying me.

Me: And why am I annoying you?





Fang: -is disturbed-

Me: -evil grin-


Oh, and who pictured Fang without his pants? Please, someone else say they did. I don't wanna be the only sick mind here...

8. Drug Deal Gone Bad!

Me: Oooo....Cake.

Fang: Do we have to watch Cake Boss again?

Me: Yesh! I love this show!

Fang: -sigh- Just update Fanfiction Meets Youtube already...

Me: Cheesy Grits.

Fang: WTF?

Drug Deal Gone Bad!

Ari was standing nervously in an alleyway, his eyes shifting back and forth, looking for someone.

Suddenly, Fang came around the corner, walking up to Ari. "Hey, Dog-Boy. You got the stuff?"

Ari nodded. "The purest stuff you can find."

"I know, that's why I'm paying you top green."

"So you got that grand?"

Fang nodded. "Yeah, just show me what you got first."

"Of course." Ari reached in his pocket. There was the sound of rustling paper and Ari pulled out...

A hamburger.

He handed it to Fang.

"Heck, yeah." Fang said. "I love a good hamburger, you know what I mean?"

"That's the purest you will find." Ari said proudly. "There's nothing else like it."

Fang held the hamburger up and turned it around, examining it. "Hey, WHERE IS THE FREAKING LETTUCE?!"

Ari put his hand back in his pocket. "Don't worry, Dawg, i got you, man." He pulled a leaf of lettuce out of his pocket.

Fang grabbed the lettuce. "I'm paying you a grand. The least you could do is give me some freaking lettuce!"

Ari looked down at the hamburger. "You've got the golden in your hands."

Fang opened up the hamburger and sniffed it. "What the heck?! THIS IS A WENDY'S BURGER!!"

Ari shook his head. "No way, Dawg."

"Excuse me, you freaking furball, but yes it is! One of my contacts was hooked on Wendy's and his house reeks of it!"

Ari shrugged. "Well, maybe the smell's stuck in your nose!"

"He overdosed a year ago!"

"Well, maybe it's still in the air."

Fang rolled his eyes. "Do you take me for some kind of fool? Is my name Wendy? Do I have bright red hair with freaking pig tails?"

(I dare everyone to picture Fang with hair like that.)

"No, Dawg." Ari said, shaking his head madly.

"Look, I came to you to get the best, the most pure. I'm not ordering from some burger girl!"

"Hey, a little respect, Dawg, no burger girl."

Suddenly, Iggy ran by on the other side of the street. "Hey, don't do drugs! Give hugs!"

Fang turned around to Iggy. "GO FLY OFF!!"

"No man, I'm not trying to pull you." Ari said when Fang turned back around.

"No, you're trying to mess with me." Fang said. "And I don't like being messed with by some stupid, little puppy. Are you a puppy, or are you an Eraser?"

"I'm an Eraser."

"Than tell me you're one! Say you're a Eraser!"


"Am I talking in riddles here? Say you're an Eraser!"

Ari sighed. "Ok. I am an Eraser."

Fang laughed. "Oh yeah, you're an Eraser all right! The pink kind on the end of a pencil! Now, say it louder!"

"I am an Eraser!"

"Say it with pride and joy!"


"Scream it!!"


Fang stepped closer to him, pulling a hammer out of his pocket. "Oh, look, it's Mr. Hammer!"

"Mr. Hammer?" Ari asked.

Fang held the hammer up. "Oh, hello!" He slammed Ari in the head with it."

Ari fell to the ground, clutching his head. "Mommy!"

"Why'd you do that to me?"

Fang bent down, waving the hammer in his face. "No one ever messes with me."

"I feel like I'm gonna die!"

"Cheers, Bro!"

Me: I had to do a lot of editing to make this one what I would consider rated T.

Fang: It was dirty...

Me: Not as dirty as you, you druggie!

Fang: I'm not on drugs.

Me: There goes that denial again...

Fang: I'm not in denial!

Me: The first step is admitting you have a problem!

Fang: -sigh-

R&R&Don't do drugs, give hugs!

An Extra Note:

So, you wanna see the Maximum Ride Movie?

Do you want to see it with Robert Pattinson, aka Edward from Twilight as Fang and Kristen Stewart, aka Bella from Twilight as Max?

If not, go to my profile, click on my petiton, and sign it!

You could also contact FashionDiva7 for info on the Day of Anti-Hardwicke because Catherine Hardwicke is the woman behind this casting insanity.

Or, go on Youtube and look up FlockUpdates. Most Awesomeness.

9. Mr Wooden Alligator

I have total writer's block on Double Date...

Fang: So, she's on YouTube!

Me: Yesh, 'cause I want to get off hiatus and do something!!

Fang: And we've already watched all the FlockUpdates videos...

Me: And joined their website...

Fang: And made a fanpop group for them...

Me: Which no one has joined, by the way...

Fang: Please, go to fanpop . com and join so she'll stop complaining...

Me: Well, in the meantime...I'll do this video!

Warning: Profanity. I'll take out as much as I can, but there's some that I just can't change. I warned you.

I've been just waiting to do this one...

Mr. Wooden Alligator

Fang walked into the house and sat down at the foot of the stairs, bored. As he stared around the empty room, looking for something interesting, he suddenly spotted a little toy alligator sitting next to him.

"What the-?" He said, confused

Surprisingly, the alligator spoke up. "Well, hello, Fang! I'm a Wooden Alligator! Check out my red wheels!"

Fang looked down where the alligator's legs shood have been and saw four little red wheels instead. "Oh my God."

"They be bitchin'!" The alligator said proudly.

Fang couldn't believe any of this. "You're just a painted alligator! You can't be real!"

"Well excuse me, but you're the complete psycho talking to me!" The alligator pointed out.

"I'm the psycho? You're a stupid, painted alligator!" Fang shot back.


"Stupid, painted alligator!"


"What?!" Fang said, confused.

The alligator laughed.

"Why the heck are you even talking to me?" Fang asked. "You don't make any sense!"

"Look at me, Fang! Does it even look like I make any sense!" The alligator asked. "My pupils stay the same, I have red nostrils, my mouth is always open, and I have no butt!" He made a farting noise.

"Ugh! You're a bad alligator!" Fang said, disgusted. "A dirty, dirty alligator! I don't care about your butt!"

"Hey, crackerhead!" The alligator said. "Let me sew your butt shut and see how you like it!"

"WTF?!" Fang said.

"Ok, now why I'm talking to you." The alligator said, deciding to move on. "You need to get me out of here."

"For what?" Fang asked.

"I need to be released outside into the real world." The alligator explained. "I need to find a wooden lover so that I can make wooden babies."

"Well, I'll need to sneak you out somehow. How am I going to do that?" Fang asked.

"Well, you could shove me down your pants." The alligator suggested. "That might work."

"Ok..." Fang said, reaching for him. Then, he froze. "Wait, how do I know you're not going to.....bite me?"

The alligator just laughed.

"Ok, let's just go, I'll just carry you." Fang said, lifting the alligator off the floor.

Fang snuck the alligator out the back door and onto the porch. Outside, he saw Akila getting into something. "Akila, what are you- Ow!" He said, tripping on something. He dropped the wooden alligator and Akila jumped on the alligator, licking him.


Later, Dr. Martinez, Ella, and the rest of the Flock came home to find Fang resuscitate his wooden alligator. They decided it was best not to ask....

Fang: Ummm?

Me: And the best part? There's more....I might do another tonight!

Fang: Great...

Me: Beware of Mr. Wooden Alligator!

Mr. Wooden Alligator: Check out my red wheels!

Fang: Not going there...


10. Mr Wooden Alligator Returns

Ya know, 'cause one Mr. Wooden Alligator story just wasn't enough...

Fang: Well, it was, but not for Saint...

Another Profanity Warning: Just a little FYI for ya...

Mr. Wooden Alligator Returns

Fang was sitting quietly, reading a book on the floor in the hall, when suddenly, he heard something thump on the floor next to him. He looked to see, of all things, Jeb's severed arm sitting on the floor.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Fang exclaimed.

Mr. Wooden Alligator, who had brought him the arm, laughed. "I ate Jeb!"

Fang slammed his book down. "But he was mowing the front lawn! Why couldn't you just eat some grass?"

"For your information, bird-boy, I'M A FREAKING ALLIGATOR!!! I am not a blogger named Bird-Freak. I love the taste of meat, meat, meat!"

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Fang asked. "I could've flown to Burger King and gotten you a chicken sandwich! Heck, I could've even made you some chicken nuggets myself!"

The alligator laughed. "I think I'll pass on that!"

"What?!" Fang said. "You don't like my chicken nuggets?!"

"Hell no!" The allgator exclaimed. "I'm an alligator and all, but your chicken nuggets probably taste like a cow's butt!"


"Ooo, look at me! I'm chicken nuggets!" The alligator said sarcastically. "But, for some odd reason, I taste like cattle butt!"

"Hush up! You don't even know!" Fang said. "You dip that hunk of meat in some barbeque sauce, you'll be dancing a crocodile happy dance!"

"Say what you want. I still ate Jeb!"

Fang was pissed. "I HATE YOU, MR. WOODEN ALLIGATOR!!"

"Why don't you just go sit in the car and cry about it, bird-boy?" The alligator said. "And while you're at it, go stick some butt nuggets in that mouth of yours! Yummy for your tummy!"


"B-b-b-b-b-b-butt!!!" The alligator said.

"SHUT UP, YOU PIECE OF CRAP!" Fang yelled. Then, he randomly bit the alligator's nose.

"Piece of crap?!" The alligator said angrily, ignoring the nose-biting. "I'm hand-crafted from the finest wood around. What about you? You're olive skin makes you look like a giant wheat cracker! Put some cheese on your wings, and the French will eat you up!"

Fang began banging on the alligator's head. "Knock on wood!"

"W-w-hat-t-t -t-the h-h-heck-k-k?!" The alligator stuttered out.

Fang picked up the alligator. "Someone needs to finish mowing the lawn, Mr. Wooden Alligator." Fang began petting the alligator evilly.

"Wait a second! Put me down!" The Alligator protested. "Get off my butt! Get off my alligator butt, you pervert! You're a pervert for touching an alligator's butt! Stop it, you're crazy! What are you doing? What are you doing? Stop it! Stop touching my alligator butt!"

Suddenly, Fang pulled on the alligator's tail, which made lawn mower noises.

"Ahh! Ahh! Ahhhh! Ahhhhhh!!!" The alligator screamed.

This time, when Dr. Martinez, Ella, and the Flock came home, they found Fang jumping around the lawn with his wooden alligator, acting like he was trying to mow the lawn.

Max sighed as she placed the groceries on the table. "I'm beginning to worry about him..."

"Me too." her mom agreed.

"By the way, Mom?"


"Where's Jeb?"

Me: Notice that the only reason Fang get's upset by Jeb's death is because he needs the lawn mowed...

Fang: And I can make chicken nuggets...

Me; Ha ha, funny, Fang!

Fang: I'll show you! -stalks off to make nuggets-

Me: I'm going to go save my kitchen now...


11. Monopoly Madness!

Well, since I'm having some trouble motvating myself to do the next Facts of Life chapter, I decided I'd skip to Fanfiction Meets YouTube.

Fang: Thus pissing off your Facts of Life fans.

Me: Oh, they'll be fine! I'll get write back on it after I do this. Writing this little thing may motivate me, after all.

Fang: Maybe...

Me: What I really want to do is a Lord of the Rings parody, but I seem to be epic failing in that...

Fang: It's because you spent more time swooning over the dirty old 'Still Not King' guy and not enough time getting ideas for the parody!

Me: Oh, shut up. You're just jealous 'cause I like Aragorn.

Fang: Psh. As if.

Me: Sure....

Monopoly Madness!

It was a rainy day outside, so Fang and Iggy, out of boredom, had decided to sit down and play a game of Monopoly. Fang was a bit more excited about this upcoming game than Iggy.

"So, we're gonna play a good old game of Monopoly." Fang said, setting up the pieces.

"Whoopidy-Freaking-Doo..." Iggy mumbled, rolling his eyes.

"Iggy, that's no spirit. Now, pick up the dice and roll." Fang said, dropping the dice in front of Iggy.

Iggy sighed. "Do I really have to?"


"Ok, ok!" Iggy said, reaching over and grabbing the dice. He threw the dice, rolling a two.

"A two!" Fang exclaimed, almost laughing at his friend's misfortune. "You freaking suck at this game!" He said as Iggy reached over, found his piece, and moved it. Fang burst into laughter. "And it's a double, too!"

Iggy was not as amused. "Ok, I guess that means I go again."

"Be my guest!" Fang said, still laughing. "You freaking suck at this game!" He said as Iggy rolled again, getting a three this time.

"A three!" Fang exclaimed. "Holy crud, you suck at life!"

The game went on, and so did Fang's taunting.

"Uh-oh!" Fang exclaimed as Iggy landed on a railroad. "All aboard for all losers, you're on my railroad! So you owe me 25 dollars!"

Iggy handed over the play money, close to exasperation at Fang's behavior. He would've left Fang and gone off to do his own thing, like make bombs in the kitchen, but Max had ordered him to stick with Fang, worried about his new obsession with his toy alligator that he'd found.

"I can't believe you actually landed on my railroad." Fang said, rolling the dice. "Now your 25 dollars is mine, and you're not getting it back!" Fang taunted, moving his piece. "God, you suck so bad!"

The piece landed on Iggy's property.

Iggy had heard how many steps the piece had taken and where it had landed. Now it was his turn to smile. "You owe me 360 dollars."

Fang looked down at his money, then slammed his fists on the table. "DAMNIT!"

So, the game went on. But this time, there was a new bird-kid on top.

Iggy moved his piece around the board. "Sounds like I passed Go. I get 200 dollars." He reached over to the bank and took his money."

"You also landed on Community Chest." Fang grumbled.

"Awesome." Iggy said, grabbing a Community Chest card.

"That's not always good." Fang reminded him.

Iggy handed it to Fang to read. "Well?"

"You get 200 more dollars..." Fang grumbled.

"Banker, hand it over!" Iggy taunted.

"Collect your 200 dollars." Fang snapped. "You know where it is."

Now it was Fang's turn. He rolled his dice and moved his piece onto another Community Chest.

"Community Chest, whaddya know." Fang said, picking up a card. "Get out of jail." Fang read off the card. He grinned, looking up at Iggy. "That means I can murder you! FOR FREE!!"

Iggy rolled his eyes. "Now, listen to me silly Fangy boy, murdering me won't help you solve your financial problems."

"Screw you!" Fang shot back.

"Go put Max's pants on your head!" Iggy snapped.

"WTF?" Fang asked.

20 minutes later...........

Iggy was singing a highly annoying-sounding song, which was driving Fang, whose sanity was already questionable, absolutely mad.

"I HATE YOU!!" Fang yelled at the singing Iggy, trying to move his piece. "SHUT UP!!!!!!!" Fang moved his piece onto another one of Iggy's properties. Iggy heard.

"You owe me 250 dollars." Iggy stated.

"Fine." Fang said, angrily pulling his money together. "Take it and shove it down your throat!"

"Oh, I will..." Iggy said sarcastically.

10 minutes later.............

"I don't get this game!" Fang exclaimed. "I mean, how the heck can I conduct a business with a freaking plastic dog?!" He exclaimed, holding up his scottie dog playing piece.

"Ha ha, your dog's getting beat by my hat!" Iggy taunted.

"You, sir, are the Devil!" Fang yelled at Iggy's face. "And no one likes to play Monopoly with a FREAKING DEVIL!!"

30 minutes later.............

After a long and headache-inducing afternoon, Iggy found himself sitting smugly on one side of the table, almost all the money laid out in front of him, and Fang found himself on the other side, close to bankruptcy. Not to mention close to having a 14-year-old bird-kid tantrum.

Fang sighed, giving Iggy his last dollar.

"Uh-oh. Looks like you're out of money, Fangy." Iggy said smugly.

"Wait, here," Fang said desperately, reaching into his back pocket. He grabbed his wallet. "I'll use real money, and, uhhh...If you get it, you can keep it! Ok?"

"Ok, deal." Iggy agreed. "Roll your dice."

Fang shook his dice, rolled them, moved his piece, and landed on.....Iggy's property.

"You owe me 500 dollars." Iggy stated.

Fang snapped.

"NOOOOO!!!! NOOOO!!! NOOOOO!!!!!" Fang yelled, shooting out of his chair. He grabbed the table they were playing on a shoved it away, standing over Iggy, who was still in his chair. "NOOOO!!!!"

"Fang! T-take it easy!" Iggy said nervously. He was regretting letting Max force him to watch Fang.

"NOO!!!" Fang yelled back.

"It's just a game!" Iggy exclaimed. "This is madness!"

"Madness?" Fang asked, freezing. He turned around, gaping, then turned back to Iggy. He took a deep breath....

"THIS IS MONOPOLY!!!!!" He lifted his foot up and kicked Iggy square in the chest, sending him flying backward.

"Noooo!!!" Iggy yelled, falling to the floor.

As Iggy laid on the floor, Fang began to grab the pieces of the Monoply game and threw them down at Iggy angrily.

Now, Iggy was pissed and exasparted all over again. "Fang, the whole '300' thing's been overplayed."

"WELL YOU CAN BITE ME!" Fang yelled back.

Me: Ahhh, sweet randomness.

Fang: You know, Mum used to say you were a sore loser when it came to Monopoly.

Me: I am not!

Fang: I bet....


Fang: You wanna prove it?


Fang: I'll get the Monopoly game, Oh Patron Saint of Sore Losers.


Fang: You shall get some therapy....


Also, Kara from FlockUpdates has made today National 'Sexily' Day! So, your challenge: Use the word 'sexily' in you review!

-Saint and Fang requested sexily.

12. Mr Wooden Alligator: Scrambled Eggs

Me: And welcome back to Facts of Life!

Fang: You mean Fanfiction Meets YouTube.

Me: Yeah...Exactly!

Fang: Saint's working on two fics at once. Don't mind any confusion...

Me: Confused never I am!

Fang: Right...

Warning: Language. Be prepared. Sexual references. Also, contains abuse of the caps lock key. You have been warned.

No Dis, No Claim: I do not own Capri Sun. Haven't had that stuff in years...

Mr. Wooden Alligator - Scrambled Eggs

Fang was home alone again (mostly because Iggy refused to spend time alone with him after the bruises he got from the Monopoly incident) and was taking advantage of the peace and quiet to take a nice, long shower.

As Fang showered, he began singing his favorite song...

"I steal lollipops from little babies 'cuz I'm a REAL MAN!"

Finally done with his shower, he switched the water off and reached out from behind the shower curtain to grab a nearby towel. Wrapping the red towel around himself, he flung back the shower curtain and...

"What the heck was that?!"

Oh my God!" Fang said, jumping as he spotted his wooden alligator on the bathroom floor. "What the heck are you doing in here while I was singing my favorite song?" He proceeded to demonstrate. "I steal lollipops from little babies 'cuz I'm a REAL MAN!"

"You're a big fat ass hole!" The alligator stated cheerfully.

Fang shook his head. "Whatever. Why were you in here while I was taking a shower?"

"I want your skinny bird-butt to make me some scrambled eggs!" The alligator demanded.

"Excuse me?" Fang asked.

"Are you deaf, bird-boy?! I WANT SOME FREAKING SCRAMBLED EGGS!"

"Cut it out, you hunk of junk!" Fang said. "Or I won't be making you any scrambled eggs!"

"Well, if you don't, you're gonna end up with alligator piss all over your face! Bird-boy got owned!" The alligator shot back.

Fang looked confused. "Half the time you don't make any sense."

"What part don't you get?" The alligator asked. "Piss plus your face equals PISS FACE!"

Fang shrugged. "Ok, I don't care."

"Ok, I'll just tell everybody that you talk to a wooden alligator."

"You..." Fang said angrily. "I can't believe I adopted a wooden alligator."

Out in the kitchen Fang, now dressed, was rifling through the cupboards, looking for a frying pan. Upon finding one, he placed it on the oven and turned on the stove. He grabbed an egg and began cracking it into the pan, muttering, "You better appreciate this." to his alligator.

"It's freaking awesome that chickens can have eggs come out their butts!" The alligator said.

"What?" Fang said. "Eggs don't come out of chicken's butts!"

"And I'm gonna run for the next presidential election!" The alligator said sarcastically. "SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!"

"I swear..." Fang muttered to himself.

"Ok, I'm gonna be straight-up with you, bird-brain." The alligator said. "I'm a scrambled egg junkie. I just got back from scrambled egg rehab!"

"Scrambled egg rehab?" Fang asked.

"Yeah, dude, there are a bunch of alligator chicks there!" said the wooden alligator excitedly.

"Oh, yeah?" Fang asked, curious.

"Oh, yeah! I offered them a bit of crocodile love, but the only thing they wanted to do was eat damned scrambled eggs!" The alligator explained. "Damn, that stuff ruins lives!"

Fang just froze and gave the alligator a classic 'WTF?' face. I mean, what else do you say to that?

"I actually thought of having scrambled eggs surgically attached to my body, but, man, I don't have that kind of money!" The alligator went on.

Fang just shook his head again, thouroughly freaked out. "I'm going to pretend I have no idea what you're talking about, but still go along with it, anyway. So, why are you having me cook you scrambled eggs if you've already been treated for it in rehab?"

"Does it look like I'm treated?!" The alligator asked crazily. "COOK THOSE EGGS!!"

"I'M COOKING THEM!" Fang yelled back.

"COOK THEM FASTER!!" The alligator demanded.

"I'M COOKING THEM, MR. WOODEN ALLIGATOR!!" Fang yelled back, trying to cook them faster.

"HARDER, HARDER, HARDER!" The alligator yelled back.

"AHHHRRRRGGHHH!!!" Fang yelled, beating the eggs with his spatula.


"I'M COOKING THEM JUST LIKE IGGY!" Fang exclaimed, which was amazing, since Fang couldn't cook worth beans.

"That stuff be tasty!" said the alligator excitedly.

"AAHHRRRGGGHHHH!!!!" Fang yelled, practically beating the scrambled eggs with his spatula. "I'M BLEEDING!" he yelled, clutching his chest. "I'M FREAKING BLEEDING! I'M BLEEDING ON THE INSIDE!!"

"Hardcore!" The alligator said back.


Five minutes later, Fang was, surprisingly, not dead, but sitting at the kitchen table across from his wooden alligator, a shell-shocked look on his face and sipping a Capri Sun.

"I got me some scrambled eggs!" the alligator said happily.

Fang commenced to trying to squirt the Capri Sun straight into his mouth with the straw. "Glad you liked them!" Fang shot back at him.

"So..." The alligator said, trying to make conversation. "How's Jeb doing?"

"I don't know, you're that one that ATE HIM!" Fang snapped.

The alligator laughed. "Oh, that's right. I'm such a stupid alligator."

"What the heck?!" Fang asked.

"I hope that doesn't make you upset or anything!" the alligator said.

Fang just threw his hands in the air.

"Crocodile Crock." The alligator said.

"Look, just finish your eggs and let me be." Fang told the alligator.

"Stop being a sad panda." The alligator scoffed. "Eating Jeb was just a joke! You don't take jokes very well!"

"A joke?!" Fang exclaimed. "You ate Max's father and made fun of me!"

"Crocodile Crock!" the alligator said, as if that was the answer to everything.

"Oh my God!!" Fang yelled, completely fed up,

"Ok! Calm down! I have an idea!" said the alligator.

"What?!" Fang asked.

"Let's play a game of Monopoly!"

Fang: Wow...

Me: I know. You cooked something and didn't burn down the kitchen!

Fang: -glares-

Me: So...We're gonna work on Facts of Life now, right?

Fang: Correct!

Me: Do I get a cookie?!

Fang: No.

Me: Damn.


A special thanks to: My caps locks key. It's taken a lot of abuse today...

13. A Roomate Christmas

A very Merry Christmas from Saint and Fang!

Fang: I just can't escape this Christmas Spirit junk...

Me: Anyway, makemebad35 has some Christmas Spirit, too, luckily, so here's a Christmas Fanfiction Meets YouTube chapter!

Fang: Joyous...

Warning For: Inappropriate actions done....To balloons. Iggy, you sicko....

A Roomate Christmas

It was a beautiful, wintry Christmas day and Max, Fang, Iggy, and Nudge were at the new private school that the government had set up for the Flock. Unfortunately, (at least for Fang) Sam, Max's old boyfriend-type thing, also attended this new school, but they'd been learning to deal with that. At least the fact that Fang seemed to have left his friend the Alligator at home made things slightly better.

That morning, Fang flew out of bed, running to look out the window at the snowy landscape below. "It's Christmas!" He exclaimed.

He ran over to his roommate, Iggy, and stood over his bed. "Rise and shine, Ig, it's Christmas!"

Iggy didn't move from where he was hidden under his blankets. "It is seven in the morning. SHUT THE HECK UP!"

"That's not the Christmas Spirit, Iggy." Fang said, grabbing the covers and pulling them back. "Wake up, sleepy head!"

Iggy just lay there, frozen, probably in anger at having his blankets pulled off of him.

Fang ran out of the room and began knocking on the doors of the other bedrooms in the dorm. "Wake up, sleepyhead!"

"I'm going to kill you!" Max yelled from her room, not liking the idea of waking up that early.

Fang ran out into the small kitchen they had in the dorm, still yelling excitedly. "Wake up everybody!" He ran into the connecting living room, towards a small tree they had put up with presents underneath. "It's Christmas!!"

"Wake up everybody! There's presents under the tree!" Fang yelled.

Slowly, everyone tiredly walked in. "Who knew? Fang was right." Nudge, said, seeing the presents under the tree.

"Santa Claus came!" Fang said excitedly from where he sat on the floor.

"I'm really began to worry about him." Max muttered to Iggy.

"What the Hell is this?" Iggy said out loud to Fang, still pissed about having to get up at all.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" Fang exclaimed.

Soon, Fang had everyone seated around the tree. "I think there's a present here for everybody." He said, looking around at the presents. He grabbed the largest one, which seemed to have two legs sticking out of it. "Here Iggy, this one has your name on it!" he said, placing the package in Iggy's lap.

"Open it! Open it!" Fang said.

Iggy grabbed the package with both hands and, for reasons that are known only to Iggy, began ripping it apart with his teeth.

"Dear God!" He exclaimed when he got the wrapping paper off, revealing an inflatable woman.

"Hey, Max, it looks like your Mom!" Sam pointed out to Max. Max commenced to start choking Sam in the corner, which everyone completely ignored.

"Excuse me, everyone, I must...Use the bathroom." Iggy said, grabbing his inflatable woman and running off.

"Woo-hoo!" Fang cheered, clapping for him.

"Hey, careful with that balloon!" Nudge called. "You might pop it!"

"Oh, don't worry." Iggy replied, turning. "I'll take real good care of her, Nudge." He ran off toward his room.

"Here Nudge, this is yours." Fang said, grabbing the next largest gift and putting it in Nudge's lap.

"What is this?" Nudge asked, looking unhappy.

"It's a Christmas present!" Fang pointed out uselessly.

"No way!" Nudge said. "This is stupid. There's some mermaid kitty cat on this thing. What am I, 5?" She pointed out the Mermaid Hello Kitty on the package.

"Just open it up and see what you got." Fang suggested.

Nudge opened the package up, revealing a white appliance of some kind. She held it up boredly. "It's a waffle maker."

Fang clapped. "Yay!"

Nudge glared. "I hate waffles."

Fang stopped clapping and just stared, shocked. "But you're black."

"Just because I'm black doesn't mean I like waffles!" Nudge said, exhasperated.

Fang shrugged. "Fine, I like waffles. Give it to me." He reached forward for the waffle maker, but Nudge pulled it back towards her.

"Buzz off!" She said.

Fang pulled back, indignant, then began hissing and spitting randomly at her like a cat.

"Yep, really starting to worry about that kid..." Max muttered.

Fang turned back to the tree, grabbing the smallest present and tossing it to Sam. "Here, catch!"

Sam caught the present and ripped it open, revealing a small toy bug. "Umm..."

"It's a ladybug." Fang pointed out uselessly.

"These are some crappy gifts." Sam said, turning the ladybug over in his hand.

"Stop being such a sourpuss and shove it down your pants!" Fang yelled at Sam.

Sam was absolutely confused by that statement. "What?"

Fang shrugged. "Whatever. Just keep it in your lap, we'll see what else there is." He turned back to the gifts and grabbed another small one, turning back to Sam and handing it to him. "Here, you got another one."

Sam opened the package and pulled out a pink, green, and orange-colored thong. He held it up, confused. "What the-?....It's the wrong size!"

"What?!" Asked Nudge, surprised by his last statement.

"Uhh...Only girls where underwear." Sam said, covering for his last statement. Then, he rolled the underwear up in a ball and tossed it at Fang.

The underwear hit Fang in the face, totally freaking him out. "What the heck?!" The others laughed as he threw the underwear away from himself.

Fang, now pissed about being laughed at, grabbed another gift and handed it to Max. "Here's yours..."

Max opened the gift to reveal a square can. "It's crab seasoning..." She said, holding it up.

"Ok..." Fang said, after a short awkward silence. He turned back to the gifts, grabbing a cylinder-shaped one. "Here, Nudge, you've got another one."

Nudge took the gift and ripped it open, revealing a spray can with Scooby Doo on it. "Scooby Doo silly string?" She asked, looking at it.

Fang started to laugh. "Silly string? What a worthless gift! Why don't you just-" He wasn't able to finish his sentence as Nudge began to spray him in the face with the silly string, causing him to choke on it and fall over.

Nudge stood up, intent on silly stringing Fang to death, but Sam grabbed the can and stopped her. "That enough! Let Fang open up his gifts!" He reached over to Fang and helped him get the silly string off.

Fang got up, grabbing the last gift, his, and began to rip it open. Under the wrapping was a Santa-themed box. He held it up. "Hey, look! An actual gift!" Then, he opened up the box.

"Armpit hair?!" He said, dropping the box to the ground where, inside, sat a pile of, well, armpit hair. "What the heck, Santa Claus?!"

"Hey, chill, Fang." Sam said. "Everyone got crappy gifts."

"No, you guys got gifts!" Fang said. "I got a year's worth of armpit hair! And, meanwhile, Iggy's doing who knows what with some balloon woman!"

"Someone should really check on him..." Max muttered.

Nudge threw her hands in the air. "Christmas. It's ruined." She said sadly.

"What kind of Santa gives armpit hair and crab seasoning?" Max asked.

"And I got a ladybug and a thong!" Sam exclaimed, tossing his gifts into the air angrily.

"Wait, I just thought of something." Nudge said. "Why the heck are we at school on Christmas?"

Everyone looked at each other, realization dawning.


Me: Yay! Another Christmas chapter done!

Fang: -headdesk- And the tree's decorated...

Me: Now to hope I get what I want for Christmas!

Fang: What?

Me: For the freaking Review Alerts to start up again! Grrr!!

Fang: Let's hope they do soon.

Me: Yeah, I'm sick of trying to figure out what got reviewed and having to check every single stories reviews. Irritating...

Fang: Ok, let's post this thing.

Me: W00T!


14. To Catch a Predator

Ok, for once, this is not a makemebad35 video I'm turning into a fic.

Fang: -le gasp- Then whose is it?

Me: makemebad35's...'friend', Kyle, a.k.a. twelthofadime.

This is Kyle's revenge...Highly entertaining...

Fang: I have a feeling I won't like this...

Me: No, probably not....

Fang: -sigh-

Warning: Some explicit content. You know the drill...

Original Vid Name: Kyle Frames Makemebad35 on 'To Catch a Predator'.

Iggy Frames Fang on 'To Catch a Predator'.

Dr. Martinez had just gotten home from a short trip to visit some family out of state. She had left the Flock and Ella home alone, figuring they'd be ok. Sure, Fang had been acting a little strange lately, and Iggy had been slowly getting more and more fed up with him, but Dr. Martinez knew boys would be boys and figured they'd eventually work it out. She had gotten home late, after everyone had fallen asleep and, not quite sleepy herself yet, she turned on the T.V. to see what was on.

To Catch A Predator


"Hello. I'm Chris Hanson. On this weeks episode of 'To Catch a Predator', we travel to Arizona, U.S.A., where we encounter one of the stragest sex offenders our team here has ever encountered. But first, a warning. What you're about to see and hear is explicit."

Dr, Martinez turned up the volume a bit. Arizona?

Suddenly, the show cut to footage of a very familiar-looking teen walking down a street, carrying a gym bag.

"Meet Fang. A 14-year-old celebrity who found fame through his popular internet blog, Fang's Blog."

Dr. Martinez's jaw dropped. What was going on?!

"What his adoring internet fans don't know, is that when he's not updating his blog, he's surfing chat rooms for the sweet, tender touch of a twelve year old's hand, preferably, on his crouch."

Dr. Martinez was in shock. What had happened while she was gone?! How could Fang end up in this position?

Suddenly, the show cut again to a picture of Fang that looked like he's taken it himself.

"Fang, using the screenname, 'this-is-iggy-getting-back-at-you-for-waking-me-up-at-night47' chatted online with a decoy, telling him she was a twelve year old girl. He responded by sending her a five minute video of him playing shadow puppets with his genitalia while listening to the popular folk tune 'Yankee Doodle Dandy'."

Realization hit Dr. Martinez as soon as she heard the screenname. Iggy was so in for it...

"Whatever this depraved puppet master's motive may be, once he arrives at the decoy's house, it doesn't take him long to take the bait..."

Dr. Martinez bit her lip as the show cut yet again to show Fang walking into a house, being filmed by what was obviously a hidden camera. This wasn't gonna be good...

As Fang opened the door, a very fake-sounding girl's voice greeted him from upstairs, saying, "Hi! You can come on in. What's the bag for?"

"Umm, Iggy said you left this bag at our house and he wanted me to do a favor and return it." Fang answered, shutting the door behind him, "Said you wanted it back."

"Oh, that's cool. You can come on in." The voice replied.

Fang walked into the kitchen, looking slightly confused.

"So, who's Iggy?" The voice asked.

"He's my roommate. He's the one who sent me over to give this bag back." Fang answered.

"Hmm, that's weird. I don't know anyone named Iggy." The voice replied. "But anyways, hold on, I'm gonna go put some perfume on, ok?"

"Wait!" Fang said. "What do you mean you don't know anyone named Iggy?"

From the other side of the kitchen, Chris Hanson appeared. "What's up, pedophile?"

"Who are you?" Fang asked.

"Why don't you take a seat?" Chris Hanson asked, pointing behind Fang.

Fang looked behind him. "There's no seat to take!"

"What are you doing here?" Chris Hanson asked him.

"I'm just here to return this bag." Fang replied, holding up the bag.

"Why don't you take a seat?" Chris Hanson asked again.

"There's no seat to take!!" Fang exclaimed.

Chris Hanson stared at Fang.

Fang stared back.

For about a minute of the show time,they had a staring contest. Dr. Martinez almost fell asleep.

"Well, there's something you should know." Chris Hanson finally replied. "I'm Chris Hanson with Dateline NBC. Simply put, I'm the guy who didn't come here today to commit a deviant sex crime."

"Whoa, whoa, that's a mistake! I'm just here to return this bag!" Fang said. "Iggy wanted me to come here."

Chris Hanson just smiled knowingly. "I have a transcript of a conversation you had with this girl here last night." He said, pulling out a piece of paper. "You wrote, "Would you like to stick your hand down my pants while I beat your grandmother with a piece of plywood? I wanna blank you like I would blank Mary Poppins...You know, hard. And with salad tongs."

"I would never do that to Mary Poppins!" Fang exclaimed. "Especially with salad tongs!"

"Well, I'm afraid there's no salad here to be tossed." Chris Hanson replied. "Unless you're interested in my mixed green salad with raspberry vinnegarette."

"This is a set up!" Fang told him. "Iggy set me up!"

"What's in the bag?" Chris Hanson asked.

"I don't know." Fang replied.

Chris Hanson took the bag from Fang, set it on the counter, and opened it up. He searched through it and began taking out the contents.

"Season 3 of the Teletubbies." He said, holding the DVD up. He placed it down on the counter and reached into the bag. "And of course you remembered the salad tongs." He said, holding those up next. "Guess you were just dropping this stuff off, right?"

"No, you don't understand." Fang tried to explain. "Iggy must have framed me because I kept on waking him up at night because there was this fangirl ghost. Then he was...He turned into a potato and I took a knife and kept on stabbing him! See?! He wants revenge!"

Chris Hanson just nodded. "Now, does being crazy help you -bleep- children better?"

"NO!" Fang exclaimed. "He was on the computer with Ella, he must have sent those messages on the computer, then he sent me here to get caught!"

"And why would this "Iggy" do that to you?" Chris Hanson asked him, putting little quote marks around Iggy's name with his hands.

"You don't understand!" Fang tried to explain yet again. "He's like this evil incarnate. He's like an evil little gremlin! And and and...He's filled with hate and malice! And..THERE HE IS!" Fang yelled, pointing to the hall in the back off the room.

The show cut to the hall for a split second where Iggy was standing, wearing some strange wig and looking absolutely evil.


"Alright, arrest this man." Chris Hanson said as the show cut back to Fang.

A cop appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Fang's arms, holding a gun to his head.

"Damn you, Chris Hanson!" Fang yelled angrily. "Damn you clever attire and your slacks and your belt! DAMN YOUR SLACKS TO HELL!"

Suddenly, behind Fang and the cop, Jeb appeared, dressed in a bathrobe and rubbing his eyes tiredly. He looked up and spotted the insanity going on in front of him. "What the heck are you all doing in my house?"

"Officer, shoot that man." Chris Hanson ordered.

The cop let go of Fang and turned around, shooting Jeb in the stomach and sending him to the floor. He then proceeded to beat him with a flashlight.

Meanwhile, Chris Hanson seemed to have found a peacock feather to play with.

Dr. Martinez was shocked at what she had just seen. How could this have been allowed to happen?

The show cut one last time to Chris Hanson, reviewing the case.

"Fang pleaded not guilty to the charges of soliciting a minor for sex, keeping true to his story that his roommate, "Iggy", set him up to take the fall for the heinous crime. We attempted to contact this Iggy for a telephone interview, but the moment I explained who I was, Chris Hanson, all our sound technician could discern was a maniacal laughter before the line went dead. Could such an evil person exist? Plotting from the shadows against all that is sacred and good in this world? Or does Fang just like salad tonging underage girls? You decide. I'm Chris Hanson. Goodnight.

To Catch a Predator


Dr. Martinez just stared at the T.V. screen blankly for a few minutes. Then, her mind recovered from the shock and regained the ability to function.


Fang: ...Oh, I can hear the jokes that'll be made now...

Me: -grins- I know...Salad Tonger...

Fang: This should be your show, pedophile.

Me: Not. A. Pedo.

Fang: Whatever...

Me: -glares-


15. The Screamer

Well, I need an easy update right now, and this about tops the list.

So, what video to do...

Fang: Just pick one so I can get back to updating my journal sometime soon.

Me: Hasty hasty hasty! What would Treebeard say?

Fang: Something confusing in Old Entish.

Me: ...You did pay attention to the movie!

Fang: Yeah, so...Pick a vid?

Me: -sigh- Alright...

The Screamer

Fang was sitting at Iggy's desk on Halloween night, searching for scary stories online as Iggy searched his closet for something to wear the next day.

"Hey, Iggy? Have you ever heard the tale of The Screamer?" Fang asked, turning towards him.

"Why the heck are you at my desk?" Iggy asked, annoyed. He'd had enough with putting up with Fang last Halloween and he wasn't excited about spending another Halloween night with the kid.

"I'm researching the tale of The Screamer!" Fang replied. "You wanna know what it's about?"

"Well, if it's got to do with me cutting your head off, be my guest." Iggy replied sarcastically.

"No, you silly bird-brain! It's about a famous character from a painting come to life!" Fang said.

Iggy facepalmed. "Ok, get out of my room before I vomit with disgust."

"It's true!" Fang exclaimed.

"Yeah, and my wings are shaped like a sea otter." Iggy said sarcastically, motioning towards the door. "Now get out."

"You don't believe anything!" Fang yelled. "You didn't even believe when a ghost tried to kidnap me last Halloween!"

"'Cause it's a ghost kidnapping you." Iggy replied. "It's freaking ridiculous."

"Just listen." Fang said, turning back to the computer. He began to read. "On Halloween night The Screamer can be released out of his own painting, made back in the eighteen hundreds, and can terminate anyone in his path. His deadly screams come from anyone who has crossed his path and died at his feet. He can be conjured up by merely believing and chanting the words 'Scream scream, scream, I wanna hear the scream!' and after chanting, turn around once and stomp on the floor with determination." Fang turned back around in his chair to face Iggy again.

Iggy rolled his eyes. "So are we going to go to Ella's friend's Halloween party and meet some girls, or stay here and play little Mickey Mouse games?"

"Let's try it! Let's try it!" Fang said excitedly.

"I swear to God, if you start twirling around-" Iggy started to say, but Fang cut him off.

"Scream, scream, scream, I wanna hear the scream!" Fang exclaimed, jumping to his feet. He then spun around once and stomped on the floor.

Iggy twitched. "Why are you breathing?" He asked, exasperated,

Suddenly, the room began to shake and the lights flickered for a second, causing the boys to have to hold onto the furniture to stay standing.

"Since when do we get earthquakes in Arizona?" Iggy asked when it stopped.

"It's not an earthquake, Quail-Man, it's The Screamer!" Fang said excitedly. He ran over past Iggy to the bedroom door and opened it, stepping out into the hall. He took a couple steps down the dark hall before noticing a dark silouhette ahead of him. Suddenly, the figure stepped forward, revealing a man with a twisted, screaming face holding a glowing ax. The figure let out a bone-chilling scream as it began to approach him, holding up the ax.

"Oh, shit." Fang said, turning and running back into the room.

"LOCK THE DOOR! LOCK THE FREAKING DOOR!" Fang yelled, locking the door himself.

"What the Christmas Cookie is going on?" Iggy exclaimed.

"Holy grandma feet!" Fang exclaimed.

Suddenly, a pounding started on the door, accompanied by a unearthly scream.

"It's him! It's him!" Fang said.

"Are you serious?" Iggy asked. "This thing is real?"

"Yes!" Fang answered. "Don't let his ax touch you!"

"It has an ax?" Iggy asked, surprised.

"Yes, it's a small, glowing ax that will turn you into Kool-Aid!" Fang explained.

"It turns people into Kool-Aid?" Iggy exclaimed. "Why the flaming ostrich feathers did you conjure him up?"

Fang thought for a moment, the shrugged, grinning sheepishly. "To get his autograph?"

Iggy facepalmed. "If he doesn't kill you, I'm gonna turn your face into mashed potatoes."

"Go choke on a Triscuit!" Fang countered.

Iggy was just about to attempt to punch Fang (which probably would've ended up with his fist through a wall) when Fang put up his hand. "Wait! I think it stopped."

Sure enough, the pounding and screaming had ceased. Fang unlocked the door and opened it, revealing an empty hallway. The only difference was that now the bathroom light was on. The two walked across the hall to the bathroom to see what was up. Inside the bathroom they could hear something that sounded like a cat meowing.

"I think there's a kitty in the shower." Fang said.

"What?" Iggy asked.

"A kitty cat!" Fang repeated.

"Something is seriously not right here..." Iggy muttered.

Fang reached over and pulled back the shower curtain, but didn't find his kitty. Instead, he came face-to-face with The Screamer, who began to scream.

"Holy elephants!" Fang yelled, running back to the bathroom door, which had somehow become closed. He jiggled the doorknob, but it wouldn't budge. "The door won't open! Don't let the ax touch you!" He yelled back to Iggy, who was now trying to fight The Screamer off.

"The children!" Iggy yelled back as he fought. No one knows to this day if he was referring to the younger Flock members, he and Fang's many illegitamate children, or some other children we don't know about yet. In any case, The Screamer raised his ax high and whacked Iggy in the chest with it.

Iggy let out one strangled scream before...

Turning into a puddle of orange Kool-Aid.

"Iggy!" Fang yelled.

The Screamer raised his hands in triumph and disappeared.

"No, Iggy!" Fang yelled, dropping to the floor next to the puddle. "First a potato, now a puddle of Kool-Aid? LIFE SUCKS!"

Fang began running his finger through the puddle on the ground. "You're a beautiful person, Iggy. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise, even if you're a puddle of Kool-Aid! You'll always be my best roommate forever!" Fang brought his hand up, making a fist. "I'll get that Scream..."

Fang jumped up and stormed out of the now-unlocked bathroom and into the kitchen, where The Screamer was helping himself to their refrigerator food.

"Put down the teriyaki chicken!" Fang ordered him.

The Screamer turned around to look at him, holding a bag of teriyaki chicken.

"You've turned my roommate to Kool-Aid, and now you're gonna pay." Fang said, glaring at him.

The Screamer began to laugh in a high-pitched, inhuman laugh.

"Lucky for me, I've got my Magical Kangaroo Spray." Fang said, pulling out what mysteriously looked like a bottle of Febreeze.

"Huh?" The Screamer asked.

Fang held up the bottle and, sure enough, the label said '100 percent magical kangaroo spray'. "The world's deadliest spray." Fang explained. "It has killed hundreds of thousands in Vietnam."

The Screamer just stared, unable to form a response.

"Prepare to DIE!" Fang yelled, spraying the Kangaroo Spray all over him.

The Screamer let out one more low scream and went down.

"Sweet dreams, princess." Fang said, obviously trying to be bad-ass.

After, Fang went back to the bathroom with a plastic bottle and knelt by Iggy's puddle. He began to scoop Iggy's puddle into the bottle.

"You'll always be a part of me, buddy." Fang announced. He then proceeded to drink out of the bottle. "You taste so beautiful..." Fang said, making a face that showed what he really thought of Iggy's taste.

And, meanwhile, Dr. Martinez, Ella, and the rest of the Flock came home and attempted to figure out what to do with the dead body lying on top of their teriyaki chicken on the kitchen floor.

Me: That was...Messed up...

Fang: I'd really like to know how you're going to turn Iggy back into human form for future stories after I drank him.

Me: ...

Fang: I know what you're thinking, and...Ew.

Me: So...Shall we make our usual announcement?

Fang: You mean the one we've made in every other chapter.

Me: -nods-

Fang: Ok...


Me: Who feels like writing?

Fang: Who feels like entering a contest?

Me: Who feels like Cheesy Grits?

Fang: If you feel like the first two, we have a contest for you! (If you feel like the third one, you need help.)

Me: Saint's Sequels Contest!

Fang: Details about this contest can be found in a FF forum bearing the contest's name as well as in the newest chapter of the Poetry Corner.

Me: Go check it out!

Fang: What are you waiting for? GO!

R&R&Go to the contest!

16. How to Stalk Fang

Another day, another update.

Fang: Another attempt to make misery of my life.

Me: Just a little guide on how to stalk you...

Fang: While wearing a ridiculous wig.

Me: Had to tie things together somehow. :P

Fang: Let's just get this over with...

How To Stalk Fang

Home from a long night at the clinic but unable to sleep, Dr. Martinez decided to go surf the internet a bit before bed. She used to just watch TV until she felt tired, but after the incident where Iggy managed to get Fang arrested on Dateline television, Dr. M had lost interest in late night TV.

But, unfortunately for Dr. M, it seemed there was no escape from Iggy's evil madness.

When Dr. Martinez turned on her laptop, she found that a tab had been left open for YouTube. Clicking on it, she found a video, uploaded to her daughter's channel with a very disturbing title...

How To Stalk Fang.

The description read "A crazed fangirl's guide."

In horror, Dr. Martinez clicked 'play'.

"Hi! My name's Iggy." Iggy said, popping into view of the camera. "The Flock and I, through our blog and airshows have attained an amazing fanbase. A fanbase I'd like to find a way to... Give back to. Now, though I care for my fans deeply, I can't help but worry about you poor, shy, and creepy-type emo girls who must have fallen for my fellow Flock member, Fang."

"Now, I know from experience Fang can be very hard to talk to or socialize with. And he can be intimidating to boot. But I'm sure you ladies would still like to get close to this cheap imitation of goth. So, let's put those creeper skills of yours to the test! Here is a video guide on how to best stalk Fang."

The scene changed to show a video taken from a bush of Fang lying on a picnic table in the backyard, just enjoying the warm day.

The camera cut to Iggy. "So, you peek over our bush here and see Fang soaking in the sun. How do you react?"

Iggy then threw on a wig, the same one he wore on Dateline, and proceeded to pretend to be one of Fang's fangirls.

"Oh my gosh! It's Fang! IT'S FANG! MUST GLOMP!"

Iggy burst out of the bushes, rushing at Fang, who had sat up, glaring at Iggy.

"Ig, what the Hell are you doing? Why do you still have that damn wig? Hey! BACK OFF!" Just as Iggy had gotten close, Fang stood up on the picnic table bench and delivered a well-placed kick to Iggy's shoulder.

The video paused right there to announce both in a booming voice and with words on the screen, "KUNG FU MOVES! DISLOCATED SHOULDER!"

The video cut back to an un-wigged Iggy. "Don't lose your senses! Fang is highly trained in self-defense, so keep the glomping to yourself. And remember, you're a stalker, so be stealthy."

The video cut back to the bush in the backyard. Fang seemed to have relaxed after his confrontation with Iggy, and was lying on the picnic table, on his stomach, wings hanging over the edges.

This time, Ella played the fangirl. "Well, hey there, Fang. Nice day to go tanning." She said to herself from the bush.

Fang sat up on the table for a moment and, oblivious to the two stalked recording him from the bush, proceeded to remove his shirt.

Ella took the camera and zoomed it in. "Wanna get a closer shot right there..."


"That's more like it!" Iggy said, as the video cut back to him. "All you need is a good view and a camera with zoom and you're ready to go!"

The video cut again to the parking lot of some store. The first disturbing thing Dr. M noticed was that both her car and her truck were parked in this lot, even though she wasn't there. The second thing she noticed was Iggy.

The blind kid.

The blind, unlicensed, underaged kid.

In the driver's seat.

"So, maybe Fang isn't your neighbor. And you don't know where he lives. But you are lucky enough to spot him in a parking lot. If this happens, what do you do?"

Iggy donned the wig again as Ella took the camera to hide behind a nearby car and film. Right on cue, Fang walked out, carrying a bag of groceries.

Disturbing realization number three: Fang, also underage, was driving Dr. M's truck.

Just as Fang got to the driver's side door, Iggy leaned out his window.

"Hey, Fang! Oh my God, Fang!"

Fang looked over. "Ig, what are you doing... And the wig again?"

Iggy ignored him. "Fang, you wanna earn twenty bucks?"


"Just hop in the back and I'll take you home, tie you up, and keep you in the basement."

Fang stared at him. "Ig?"

"YOU WILL BE FOREVER MINE!" Iggy yelled, reaching out to grab Fang.

Fang, shaking his head, grabbed Iggy by the arms and dragged him out of the car through the window.


The video cut to Iggy who was standing in the parking lot, now with a band-aid on his head. "Once again, you brought attention to yourself. And twenty dollars? Come on! Now this time, keep to yourself, and no stashing Fang in your basement!"

The video cut to a different day in the same parking lot. This time, the truck was parked across the lot from the car, where Ella was sitting in thr driver's seat, cell phone to her ear.

"Ok, mom, I'll feed the hamster when I get back. I'm running important errands." Ella said into the phone.

The camera turned to show Fang getting into his truck across the lot.

It turned back to Ella. "Cancel that, mom." Ella said, turning on the car to follow Fang. "Looks like Captain Cuddles will be starving tonight."


"See, you parked farther back and avoided confrontation." Iggy said, when the video cut back to him. "Now you get to follow him home. And next time, try not to be on the phone with your mom."

The scene changes again to show Iggy outside the bathroom window, using a ladder to look inside it. He climbs up on the ladder and turns to look at the camera.

"Ok, now you know where Fang lives, so you can continue stalking. But what happens if you want to enjoy yourself without being seen?"

Iggy again dons the ridiculous wig as the camera view changes to show inside the bathroom. Seconds later, Fang steps out from behind the shower curtain.

In nothing but a towel.

"Score one for me..." Iggy whispers to himself.

At which point, Fang moves to... Remove the towel. Dr. M can't help but watch, horrified.

"SCORE TWO FOR ME!" Iggy yells.

Fang jumps, desperately clutching the towel to his body. "IGGY! WHAT THE HELL?" Fang starts grabbing at anything he can get his hands on; a hair dryer, shampoo bottle, toilet paper roll, and begins throwing them at Iggy until he falls off the ladder onto the ground.


"Alright, you were getting the most amazing show of your life, and you blew it!" Iggy said, the scene changing to show Iggy standing in front of a tree in the backyard, another band-aid on his face. "This time, keep your mouth closed and enjoy what you get."

The scene changed to show Ella up on the same ladder, though it was obviously a different day. Ella quietly turns the camera to look inside the bathroom where Fang is, once again, in a towel. He begins to move to take the towel off...

And Dr. M pauses the video.

She stared at the computer in silence, horrified.

Was Iggy really this crazy?

Was her daughter really involved in this?

Was Fang really that oblivious?


After making the video private on YouTube, Dr. Martinez went to wake up the three culprits.

This could not wait until morning.

Me: I want to see this video Iggy and Ella got... :D

Fang: This is just... -facepalm-

Me: Have you seen the actual video? In that, the girl they're stalking pulls out a cucumber and-


Me: :P


17. Insane Twins

Might as well start off with the bad news...

This will be the last chapter of Fanfiction Meets YouTube.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm sorry. But I've got too many fics going right now, and this one just isn't top priority. If you want the full story, read my last St. Fang's Poetry Corner chapter.

Fang: We are giving you this last chapter, though. Plus... Information...

Me: We'll save that for the bottom, though. Let's let them have their last chapter...

Insane Twins

It's a late night in the Martinez household and about the worst thing possibly imaginable is happening.

Fang and Iggy are hanging out in Fang's bedroom. Just the two of them.

And they're bored.

With the history they have, this has never proven to be a good idea.

Fang, who was lying down on the bed, sighed. "Iggy, I'm hungry."

"I don't give a crap." Iggy said, not looking up from whatever computer program he'd found that had a white enough background for him to see.

Fang sat up in the bed. "Iggy, I'm horny."

Iggy finally looked up, annoyed. "I am going to light your face on fire."

"I'm a horny panda bear." Fang announced, lying back down on the bed. He began bouncing on the mattress. "I'm a horny panda bear. Yeah, I'm a horny panda-"

"Stop it!" Iggy said, wondering why he was in here putting up with Fang in the first place.

Fang stopped, just staring at Iggy.

"Now shut up before I feed one of your wings to Akila." Iggy snapped.

"Ok, Mr. Scrooge." Fang said, turning away. Suddenly, a strange cell phone ringtone was heard in the room. It was coming from the phone on the bedside table next to Fang.

"Oh my God." Fang said, quickly sitting up and grabbing the phone. He looked at the screen and grinned. "Oh my God! Iggy, it's that time!"

Iggy stared at him, not at all amused. "What are you babbling about?"

"It's something completely awesome!" Fang replied. "But I can't tell you yet." He got to his feet. "Come on! We gotta go!"

"Look." Iggy said, not moving. "The last time we did something like this, you ended up trying to pay a pizza guy in Monopoly money."


Fang answers a door to reveal a pizza guy, holding two large pizza boxes.

"Here you go." Says the pizza guy. "That'll be twenty-five sixty-seven."

Fang took the pizza boxes, placing them aside. He hands the pizza guy some paper. "Here's the money."

The pizza guy stares at the paper in his hand. "I can't take this!"

"Excuse me!" Fang says, turning. "What the Hell did you just say?!"

"It's Monopoly money!" The pizza guy replies.

"WHAT?! MY MONEY'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?!" Fang yells in response.

"No need to yell!" The pizza guy replies.

Fang rips the Monopoly money from his hands. "GET OUT! GET THE HECK OUT!" The pizza guy makes a run for it.



Fang sighs. "That was an awful experience, but I promise it's nothing like that!"

"Well, I got nothing better to do." Iggy says, shutting the laptop.

"Come on! Let's go!" Fang says, heading for the door. "We can just use one of Dr. M's cars. It'll be fine."

Of course, it wouldn't be fine, but neither boy seemed to consider the Wrath of Valencia at the time.

The two got into one of the cars, Fang driving and Iggy, of course, taking the passenger seat.

"Are you ready for an amazing adventure?" Fang asked his friend.

"Just try not to wherever we're going." Iggy replied, buckling his seatbelt.

"Just you wait." Fang said, starting the car. "This is gonna be awesome."


The car is parked in a snowy parking lot, far away from Dr. Martinez's house. Fang is sitting in the car, acting like he's looking around outside for something. Iggy, on the other hand, is fast asleep.

"Iggy, we're here." Fang says, but Iggy does not respond. Fang shakes Iggy's shoulder. "Iggy! Wake up!"

"MY SOCKS ARE SOGGY!" Iggy yells, awakened from some horrible, soggy-socked nightmare.

"It's ok." Fang says calmly. "We're here."

Iggy stretches and can already tell by being able to see at the white, snowy landscape outside, that they are in unfamiliar territory. "How long have we been driving?"

"12 hours." Fang replied cheerfully.

"WHAT?!" Iggy yelled. "WHERE THE HECK ARE WE?!"

"Kentucky!" Fang announced.

"Why the HECK are we in KENTUCKY?!"

"Because, that's where the alternate versions of us are at!" Fang replied, like this was common knowledge.

Iggy began to grab at his arms. "Please tell me I'm still dreaming..."

"For real." Fang said, killing Iggy's hopes. "Every year in this exact location, our alternate versions give us something that tells us about the future." Fang explained.

Suddenly, on a bridge near the car, two familiar-looked figures appear.

"There they are!" Fang announced excitedly.

Iggy looked out and, against the white, snowy landscape, was able to see them. "What the heck..."

"Let's go meet them!" Fang said, stepping out of the car.

Fang and Iggy walked up onto the bridge to stand face-to-face with... Themselves.

"Well, this is weird..." Iggy said.

His other self just grinned knowingly.

"Guys? What can you tell us about the future?" Fang asked the two alternate versions.

Fang's other self reached behind him and handing Fang what looked like... A sandwich.

Fang stared at it in wonder. "It's... A popcorn sandwich!"

"What?" Iggy asked, not sounding impressed.

"Iggy!" Fang said. "The future is... A popcorn sandwich!"

"You're an idiot." Iggy replied.

"Iggy!" Fang whined. "This is the meaning of life!"

"The meaning of life is NOT a FREAKING POPCORN SANDWICH!" Iggy yelled.

"Then what do you think it means?" Fang asked.

"Nothing. This day makes absolutely no sense. It literally feels like I am screwing a freaking TIM BURTON MOVIE!" Iggy yelled.

"Try living our lives."

Fang and Iggy turned to look at their alternate selves, mainly at alternate Fang, who had spoken.

"Yeah." Said alternate Iggy. "But since Fang here broke me out of the therapy center, things should get a lot better."

"Nice meeting you." Said alternate Fang, giving the two before them a sly grin. "And hold onto that popcorn sandwich. You may need something to eat. And watch out for crazy fangirls named Saint and Skits!"

Suddenly, their two alternate selves disappeared.

Then reappeared in Dr. Martinez's car, laughing.

Then they, and the car, disappeared.

Fang and Iggy just stared.

"Did they just steal the car?" Iggy asked, after a pause.

"Those sneaky jerks!" Fang exclaimed. He looked down at the food in his hands, sighing. "Oh well." He held out the sandwich to Iggy. "Popcorn sandwich?"

Iggy took one look at the item Fang was holding.

And knocked it out of his hands.

"Get the heck outta my face."

Fang: Took a little creative license with the end there, huh?

Me: Had to. :P

Fang: So, we said we had information for you. Coming to you straight from... New Hampshire. Where Saint lives.

Me: Rebecca St. Marie. To be exact. Sorta.

Fang: Not her real last name.

Me: But 'Rebecca Marie' is my real first and middle names. Something so many of you have always wanted to know. So there. (But this doesn't mean you stop calling me Saint, by the way. GOT IT?!)

Fang: Once again, see the Poetry Corner for details on why we're releasing this info.

Me: But now that that's over with... Our goodbyes.

It's been fun doing this fic, it really has. Converting these awesome videos into story format, casting the Flock in... Been a blast. But the time has come.

Fang: If you miss it that much, you could always get permission from Saint to continue it. I doubt she's mind.

Me: Not in the least.

Anyway, thank you, though. I've read and apprieciated every review I've gotten for this fic. Your awesome comments have helped to keep me going and brightened some of my darker days. I'm grateful for each of you.

Fang: Except for that thing where you guys were bidding on my underwear.

Me: That was great!

Fang: That was humilating...

Me: But we're rambling, and no one wants that.

Fang: So, for the last time, here in Fanfiction Meets YouTube...