Death of the Moderators by St. Fang of Boredom

Category:Maximum Ride
Genre:Crime, Parody
Published:2009-04-25 22:31:41
Updated:2009-04-25 22:31:41
Packaged:2021-05-07 03:11:06
Summary:Alas, the Moderators of Max-Dan-Wiz have met an untimely death. This is the obituary/news article all about it. In honor of Nathan's Army and all those who have been banned from the site.

Death of the Moderators

Written in honor of those banned from max-dan-wiz.

Dissin' the Mods, But not Claiming Them: I do not own Maximum Ride, or their site. If I did, this wouldn't be necessary.

We are gathered here today, to mourn the deaths of the Max-Dan-Wiz Moderators.

The Moderators were people who lived by the rules, even if no one else knew what those rules were. They were highly talented in the arts of Warning and Banning, credited with the banning of such guideline-breaking criminals as Nathan p and Shay.

Their deaths were both untimely and completely unpredicted. They seemed to have been picked off one by one by some assasins of sorts. Though no one has yet been charged, authorities are still searching for some suspects who were spotted at the scenes of the crimes:

The Hobbit Named Spiffy

Seen dragging a Jello Catapult of Doom away from the scene.

Pooky the Penguin

Seen with a Laser Gun after a murder.

St. Fang of Boredom

Seen casting unknown rhyming spells toward the homes of Mods.


Spotted wielding a herring, supposedly borrowed from St. Fang of Boredom (see above) near the scene of a crime.

Anyone with information on the whereabouts of said suspects may contact Max-Dan-Wiz.

In lieu of flowers, Max-Dan-Wiz is asking that anyone wanting to send something to the funeral should instead consider applying to be a Moderator. They're having trouble hiring new ones...

It is doubtful that the funerals will be well-attended, as there are so many parties being thrown by overjoyed Max-Dan-Wiz members on those days, the biggest being thrown by a group called 'Nathan's Army'.

The best part: They can't ban me for writing it on here...

Fang: How come I had to use the herring?

Me: 'Cause I don't trust you with a gun, it's that simple.

Fang: So....Posting?

Me: Posting.

R&R? I'm sure there will be opinions....