The 'Most Likely' Awards by rainbowstrike

Category:Maximum Ride
Genre:Family, Humor
Published:2009-09-25 05:34:54
Updated:2009-10-21 19:48:43
Packaged:2021-04-22 02:40:05
Summary:The Flock decides it'd be fun to resurrect a game from the days of the E-Shaped House. Fang & Iggy discover a boredom list, Gaz eats broccoli like a dinosaur, Nudge and Ella are running the show and Max wants the house kept intact. FAX. EGGY. R & R.

Table of Contents

1. Cookies and Mom Moments
2. Rats and Categories
3. Awards and Revenge Plans
4. Ungracefulness and Brotherly Bonding
5. Concerts and Kisses
6. Iggy's ways to cure boredom
7. Crazy Moms and Teasing Moments

1. Cookies and Mom Moments


Didn't Max mention certain 'Most Likely Awards' a few times in the books? I seem to remember a 'most likely to start a cult', or maybe that was in a fanfiction. Oh well, this is just a random thought I had one day. Sorry if Max never said it in the books, for the sake of this fiction, she did :D

This is set after MAX.

Hope you enjoy it, I don't know where I'm going with it. :)


ARGH! I was just re-reading St. Fang of Boredom's 'Another Form of the Avian Bird Flu', and I found the Fang-cult-most-likely thing!

So, all credit to Saint for accidentally giving me the idea for this story.

Also, I own nothing! Never have, most likely never will. Although, I do like to keep an open mind...

R & R?

So, we were taking a break from our ever tiresome duties, and were currently kicking it back at my Mom's. Ella was pretty excited, and of course Mom was too. They loved having us- I really don't know why. I mean, we practically eat them out of house and home. I would've felt bad for dumping six genetically-enhanced bird-kids and two dogs on my other family, but I knew Mom didn't care. She was just cool that way. I mean, how many Moms let you and your adoptive family stay at her house instead of being on the run from deranged scientists who want to kill and/or experiment on you?

Uh, I guess that'd probably just be my Mom. Unless there's another flock of genetic freaks out there with incredibly cool Moms who make them cookies.

Which brings me to my next point; Mom's cookies. We were eating them.

"Seriously, Dr. M! These are the most amazing cookies ever! What do you make them with? Like, besides the choc-chips and stuff. Can I help you make them?" Nudge asked, her mouth full of chocolaty goodness in cookie form.

We were enjoying luxuries we'd never had on a regular basis before, like hygiene, and food. It was pretty cool, if I do say so myself.

"Sure you can." Mom laughed, passing Gazzy his fifty-billionth cookie. Nudge just grinned and shook her head. I looked around the table, and I smiled. Angel was sitting with Total and Celeste on her lap, giving Total cookies and pretending to feed them to Celeste. She was just too darn adorable. Iggy and Gaz were having some kind of contest- who could shove the most cookies into their mouth at once. Nudge was talking to Ella about some new store that was opening at the mall- I made a mental note that she could go, so long as she didn't drag me along. And Fang... Fang was shovelling cookies into his mouth over and over, looking somewhat like the poster child for a starved orphan.

Somehow he still managed to make piggish-eating look- wait, never mind. Forget I said anything.

Fang and I were 'dating', to use the term loosely. I mean, we didn't go out to dinner or the movies or anything fancy shmantzy like that. The events on US Death-Sub and any occurrences immediately before/after such events were, for once, not being stripped from my mind in an attempt to ignore building feelings for Fang. I was embracing said feelings, much to the joy of the Fangster and Flock in general.

I felt something grab my hand. I knew without looking over that it was Fang. I mean, obviously. Who else would hold my hand under the table? Total? I think not. I glanced at Fang, and he did that little half-smile that I loved. I smiled back.

"Are they doing the weird all-smiles thing?" Iggy whispered to the Gasman.

"Uhuh." Gazzy answered before devouring another cookie.

"Okay. Hey guys- get a room." He called with a grin in our general direction.

"Even the blind kid rags on us." I muttered. Fang chuckled lightly, but remained his ever-silent self.

"So, what are your plans for today?" Mom asked us, grabbing at the rare occurrence of silence.

"Chill at home."

"Hang out."

"Blow up... some balloons." No one missed Iggy's hasty cover-up.

"Ditto." Gazzy intoned, nodding vigorously.

"Be careful." Mom said, guessing that banning them wouldn't work at all. She was learning.

So, with various calls that spelt out 'virtually nothing', Ella grinned.

"Me and Nudge came up with this awesome idea last night." She began, and immediately I felt that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. No, it wasn't cookies being digested. It was never a good thing when one slightly hyper, motor mouth bird kid and one apparently diabolical teenager 'came up with an awesome idea'. That was plotting, in my opinion.

"What's the idea?" Angel asked. Wait, why was the mind-reading demon asking that? Then I saw the all-too innocent smile. She was in on this- a way for us to agree. I shot her a steely glance. Angel, if this is an idea that will cause embarrassment for me or destruction of my Mom's house, forget it.

She just smiled, avoiding my gaze. The little devil.

"We want to do another 'Most Likely' awards! Nudge told me that you used to do them back at the E-Shaped house." Ella explained. Ah, the Most Likely awards. Like Fang- Most Likely to be a cult leader, or something like that. I can never remember. We'd been bored one day a year or two after Jeb left us, and someone suggested that we did a 'Most Likely' awards.

"Oh yeah!" Gazzy grinned, remembering. "I remember that! I was voted 'Most likely to be the first person to cause death via bodily release'." He snickered. I saw Nudge roll her eyes and mouth 'gross' to herself.

"I figured it'd be fun to do it here, now that you're gonna be sticking around for a while." Ella smiled. "What do you guys think?"

"Sure." Gazzy shrugged.

"Whatever." Iggy seconded.

"Definitely." Angel beamed. I knew she was in on it.

"Okay." Fang nodded.

"Yeah." Total chimed in, "I bet I know who'll be voted 'most likely to catapult into superstardom'." 3 guesses to who he was talking about... delusional dog.

"Max?" Nudge looked at me pleadingly. I sighed. Those darn Bambi eyes. I offered her a grin, and a nod. She squealed in delight.

"Awesome! We'll do the categories tonight, and tomorrow morning we'll start!" Nudge began chattering excitedly to Ella, and Angel soon joined them.

"Do I get a say in this?" Mom asked me with an easy-going grin. I shook my head.

"There's no point taking them on, Mom." I laughed. "They're an unstoppable force of nature."

She nodded, and we smiled, having one of those gooey mother-daughter moments that I'd missed out on so much of. Approximately fourteen years of my life were motherless, so it was times like these that made me angry that the Whitecoats had grafted Avian DNA to my human DNA.

Like, more angry than usual.

"Max!" Nudge's horrified shriek made me realise that everyone except Mom and me had left the table, and a glance to the cookie pile told me the reason for everyone's absence. Two crumbs met my disgruntled gaze, and a choc-chip. I popped it into my mouth before I went running for Nudge.

There went that sinking feeling again.


A short prologue-type thing. Again, all credit to Saint for the quote;

'Iggy laughed. "Always said he was 'Most Likely to Become a Cult Leader' in the Flock."' In chapter two of 'Another Form of the Avian Bird Flu'.

R & R & Rainbows. Hah, just like in my name! :D

2. Rats and Categories


Thanks to all those who reviewed :)

I'm gonna work on this quick, 'cos I'm babysitting later. Hope you enjoy mucho-ness.

R & R.


"So, we just wire it to the input and-"

"What are you two doing?" Ella's amused voice startled me, and I dropped the make-shift timer bomb we were working on. I heard Gaz scoop it up and shove it under his shirt. Smart boy.

"Nothing." I said hastily, looking in the direction of Ella's voice. She had a nice voice.

Well, praise the Lord that Angel wasn't around to hear that.

"Uhuh, I'm sure." Ella continued, "Well-"

"MAX!" Nudge's voice practically blasted my eardrums to bits. Sometimes it was nice having awesome hearing, other times... not so much. Like now, for example. Gaz and I leapt to our feet, and I let the sound of Ella's light but swift footsteps guide me down the corridor and up the stairs. "MAAAAAAAX!" Apparently Nudge wasn't done screaming.

"Nudge, what's wrong?" Max's calm but strained voice met us as we came to a stop outside Nudge and Angel's room. From the sound of the breathing, everyone had come running when Nudge's terrified screams started.

This had better be important- Gaz and I had things to do, and stuff to blow up.

"There's a family of rats under my bed!" she shrieked, and suddenly I heard Gazzy's well-concealed laughter. Oh boy, that kid was in for it.

"Nudge," Max said, and I could tell she was struggling to keep a level voice, "Out of all the stuff we've dealt with, you're worried about a rat?"

"A family of rats! And I don't like rats!" Nudge protested. I was laughing now- what with the images of Gazzy catching rats and putting them under Nudge's bed running through my mind.

"Don't rat me out," Gazzy muttered, and then we were laughing all over again.

"That was lame." I chuckled, "Tell me later how you did it."


Oh damn, I guess we forgot that the mind-reader happened to share a room with Nudge, and wasn't happy about the rats being in there either. We were idiots.

"What?" the Gasman asked, feigning surprise.

"Don't pretend! Get those rats out of here!" Angel cried angrily. Gazzy sighed.

"I'm not even going to ask." Fang said in his few-word-Fang-ish way, and he left. Max sighed.

"Gaz, get the rodents out of there." She said, and from her tone I guessed she was grinning. Gazzy left my side and trudged into the room. Everyone eventually filed out, but I leant against the door frame.

"Why rats?" I asked.

"'Cos Nudge told me how much she hates them." Gazzy laughed.

"Ah." I replied, like it was obvious or something.

"Well once I release these guys, we've got business to attend to."

I crossed the room, and we slapped high-fives. I didn't miss- damn, I'm awesome.


I knew Nudge hated rats, but a reaction like that? Weird. I wondered if they'd come up with the categories for our game yet. So long as I wasn't put in any embarrassing situations with Fang, they could do whatever they wanted.

But of course, karma hates me, and Nudge and Ella would take this opportunity to make it as uncomfortable for me as they could. It was their way of 'helping' our relationship. Yeah right.

So that night, I was unsurprised when the categories were announced.

"Ready guys?" Nudge beamed, her hands clasping a few sheets of paper. There was a chorus of 'yes', and then they began.

"So, we'll give you the categories tonight, and then tomorrow night we'll announce the winners. We've changed the game a little bit, too. Whenever the audience sees fit, they can force the winner of the award to demonstrate what got them the award in the first place." Ella grinned excitedly. I shot her and Nudge a warning glare. I knew they were planning something! Those devious little-

"So, the categories are..." Nudge cut off my angry stream of thought with a single sentence. Well, if I was facing imminent doom tomorrow night, I guess I'd better know what we were up against...

"Most Likely to... Take Over the World, Get Married First, Have a Secret Agenda, Remain Clueless about Crushes, Bring about World Peace, Get Arrested, Get Kidnapped, Kick Jeb in the butt, Wear Glasses, Say Embarrassing things when on Valium, and suck at Dancing." Nudge told us. Well, some of them were obvious, but I'd like to know who wins 'Get Arrested' and 'Have a Secret Agenda'. And, did she say Valium? How did they know about that!?

"Take a sheet- they've got the categories on them, and write down who you want to win each category. No cheating." Iggy raised his hand. Ella blushed furiously- she'd forgotten, apparently.

"I'll write out your answers." Gazzy grinned, and Iggy smiled.


"Okay guys, no peeking. And Angel, no mind-reading." Nudge said warningly. We all scribbled down our answers and passed back the sheets. Good luck to Ella and Nudge- they had to read the terribly spelled out words and messy-beyond-belief handwriting. Have fun, girls. Fang's arm creeped around my waist, and I looked at him with a smile.

"They're excited." He murmured. I nodded.

"Scheming little devils." I replied. He smirked.

"This should be fun."


Sorry for the shortness. I've gotta get this out of the way before the real chapters start.


Okay, you all get to vote :D Vote for the characters you want to win each category. I've already got people in mind for some of them, but vote away :)

Please vote :D


3. Awards and Revenge Plans


Thanks to everyone who reviewed & voted. Some were interesting, and helped a lot :)

Hope you enjoy, this should be a longish chapter...

Fingers crossed. Here we go- R & R?

Ella and Nudge were going down.

Imagine a room full of flock members, most of which who will tease you mercilessly, add a thirteen year old teenager and a boyfriend who makes your nerve endings light up every time he touches your hand.

This was not going to end well; I said it from the start. Sure, it'd be fun, but a few of those categories I was not looking forward to. Why, you ask? Because ever since Jeb left us, I've been the strong, tough, in-your-face leader who gets my merry band of mutants out of deadly situations more times than I can count. And then Fang complicated things, with his confusing make-out behaviour. I hated looking like a quickly-melting pile of gloop, which, sad to say, has been my form on many occasions when dealing with the Fangster.

It just wasn't the fearless persona I was used to, and it bothered me a bit. I could deal with insane scientists, freaky Erasers and any of the suchlikes, and kidnappers, but I didn't like any kind of discomfort that made me look any less-strong in front of the Flock. I guess it was my one weakness.

So don't tell anyone.

"We tallied up the votes, even though they were hard to read, what with your questionable spelling and handwriting," Ella grinned, "And here are your results."

"Most Likely to Take over the World... Fang! Come on down!" I raised my eyebrows at Fang, who shrugged and went to accept a little sheet of paper that had clearly written on it what he'd won and why. "Your blog followers earned you this award." Nudge grinned. I actually thought Angel would've won the award, but hey.

"Don't let it go to your head." I joked as he sat back down. He half-smiled and I turned into partial gloop. Already? Yeesh!

"Most Likely to Have a Secret Agenda... Angel!" Now that award made sense! Even though Ange was a total sweetheart, she was also a demon if I ever did see one. She skipped up to receive her certificate.

"Most Likely to Bring about World Peace... Max!" Well, I am awesome. I guess my little speech about pollution inspired that award. Whatever. I went up and took my piece of paper, then went to sit down again.

"Most Likely to Suck at Dancing... Iggy." Ella smiled, and he rose to his feet.

"I rock at dancing!" he protested.

"Ig, I've seen you dance, and you so can't." Nudge giggled. Iggy grudgingly took his award and sat down again. Well, it was true. The blind kid couldn't dance.

"Most Likely to Kick Jeb in the Butt... Max!" Well, he may have been my Dad, but he'd totally screwed us over too much, so I guess that award was accurate. So far, no embarrassment, which equals a happy Max.

"Most Likely to Get Married First... Max AND Fang!"

I was going to maim them horribly. Not kill, just maim. Then, Mom could save them so I could maim them again. I was not thinking happy thoughts as I got to my feet and shuffled forward to take the award. Nudge and Ella were just standing there, big grins on their faces as they handed us our awards. I caught Fang's eye, and he grinned. Damn! I quickly looked at the floor and hurried back to my place.

"Wooooo!" I took off my shoe and threw it at Iggy's head. Gaz pulled him down, and the shoe went sailing past without hitting it's intended target.

"She threw something at me?"




I felt Fang's hand touch mine, and I looked up at him. The darn boy just kept growing, even when we were sitting down he seemed to tower above me!

"Don't let it get to you." He murmured, and I sighed.

"Most Likely to Remain Clueless about Crushes... Iggy!" Ella said, blushing. I guess she was thankful that he was blind, 'cos we could all see it!

"What?" Iggy asked, confused, as he took his award. He finally just shook his head and sat down again. Nudge gave Ella a pointed look, and she just shook her own head.

Well, well, well... if Ella pulled that little stunt to 'help' mine and Fang's relationship, maybe I could 'help' hers and Iggy's...

"Most Likely to Get Arrested... Gazzy!" Ig began cheering, and they slapped high-fives. Gaz went up to get his certificate, grinning the whole way. I considered telling him that it was a BAD thing to get arrested, but decided against it. No point, really.

"Most Likely to Wear Glasses... Fang!" Why would Fang need glasses? Then it hit me- something I heard on TV once, that too much time on computers gave you bad eyesight. His laptop would one day kill his eyes, it seemed. Maybe I'd talk to him about that, we didn't need two flock members with terrible eyesight.

"Most Likely to Say Embarrassing things on Valium... Max!"

"What did you say Max?" Iggy asked with a grin. Damn it, Ella and Nudge! I narrowed my eyes at them and took my certificate. They just kept smiling innocently. Devious little schemers.

"I didn't say anything." I shot back.

"Oh really? I believe you... 'thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiss much!'" Iggy crowed, holding out his arms. I sighed exasperatedly, and Fang smirked. Darn him.

"And last but not least, Most Likely to Get Kidnapped... Fang! What with all your fangirls, you'd think one of them would've kidnapped you by now." Nudge said brightly. I raised my eyebrows- yeah right. No one could kidnap Fang.

"What about my fangirls?" Iggy protested indignantly.

"What fangirls?" Fang snorted as he took his award. Iggy narrowed his eyes in Fang's general direction.

"You've got fangirls Iggy." Ella said, and then, possibly realising what she'd said, covered her mouth in horror.

"Thanks, Ella. See Fang?" Iggy poked his tongue out at him.

"Real mature, Ig. Real mature." I laughed. "So, we're done?"

"Yep. Congratz to everyone." Nudge beamed. "We're gonna make up new categories soon! This game's not over yet."

I groaned internally. Fantastic.

Oh well, I had Ella-and-Nudge revenge plans to make. Maybe Gazzy would help me...


Well, it's longer than the last one at least. Next chapter there won't be any more awards announced, that'll come in later chapters. But until them, feel free to suggest categories. I love getting ideas, and I'll be sure to credit you completely.

Thanks everyone! :D


4. Ungracefulness and Brotherly Bonding


Thanks to everyone who reviewed, you guys totally make my day. :D

Also, there were some awesome categories suggested. They'll come in later chapters, and I'll credit those who suggested 'em. Still, more categories are always welcome :)



Max was funny. I stood off to the side, listening to her talking in hushed voices with the Gasman about 'revenge plans'. Neither of them knew I was here- my power was quite useful for eavesdropping.

"Sure you don't mind helping me?" Max asked. Gazzy shook his head.

"Pranks are a great way to let out my inner 8 year old. Plus, I think Iggy would be heaps happier if he didn't live up to his award. You, on the other hand..." Gazzy gave Max a sly grin. She glared at him, and I smirked.

"Let's just do this." She muttered. "So, we write Ella a note, saying it's from Iggy..." Gazzy gave her a pointed look.

"No. That won't work. Look, how about you let me handle it, if you want the revenge plans to stink of awesome, that is!" Gazzy cackled. He's been hanging around with Iggy too long... maybe we should do something about that. The last thing we needed was a diabolical 8-year-old; we had enough diabolical winged-mutants as it is...

"So long as they're not stinking of anything else." Max answered with a grimace. "Okay Gazzy, what's the plan?"

"Well-" I leaned forward, trying to hear him as he lowered his voice-

And tripped over Magnolia.

"Woah!" I cried out in surprise, landing stumbling as Magnolia scuttled out from under me, causing me to land on my face. Ow. What happened to my usual stealth? How did I now see the dog?! I looked up to find Gazzy and Max staring at me, grins on their faces.

"Hi Fang." Max smirked, and then they burst out laughing. I scowled, picking myself up and brushing myself down.

"Yeah, guys. I'm fine. Thanks for asking." I muttered.

"Sorry- Fang- it's just- the dog- bahahahahaha!" the Gasman snickered, barely able to get his words out between breaths. I was thankfully able to keep from blushing.

"Your revenge plans are just going to make things worse." I told them, before stalking away with some form of dignity still intact.

I walked into mine and Ig's room, finding the blind pyro sprawled on his bed, listening to Ella's iPod. I tapped his hand as I walked past, and he pulled a headphone out.

"Hey." I greeted him, flopping on my own bed.

"Hiya." Iggy replied, "What's up, Most Likely to Get Kidnapped?"

"Clueless about Crushes." I shot back. Iggy snickered.

"Don't like the idea of fangirls being able to snatch you right out from under our noses?" my blind brother teased. "Some of them are pretty creative, I'd bet."

"I'd be able to escape them." I insisted, but Iggy just shook his head.

"What if they had you captive, and duct-taped you to a chair? What if they made you talk to their friends and go to school with them and work and stuff? What if they made you write stuff with them?" Iggy went on, grinning, "What if they made you beat up guys who were jerks to them? What if-"

"Iggy! What the hell are you talking about?" I asked, shaking my head, "No one's ever gonna be able to do that to me."

"Nothing, nothing. Whatever you say, Fang." Iggy rolled his eyes. I thought about what he'd said. No crazed girl would kidnap me, I mean, Max would deck her before she even got close to me. The flock would be on her before she could say 'dancing lobsters'.

Unless they were kidnapped too...

Ugh. I've been hanging around Iggy too much. That guy was putting thoughts in my head.

"How come you're not downstairs with the Gasman?" I asked, feigning curiosity. I wondered how much Iggy knew about Max's little revenge plans. I suspected they'd have something to do with Iggy and Ella's next-to-nonexistent-and-yet-still-budding relationship, but I'd been wrong before. Not that I'd admit that, but whatever.

"Max said she wanted his help with something. I didn't ask what for." Iggy shrugged. I nodded. Well, I wouldn't tell him otherwise. Max'd kill me, plus, this would probably be entertaining to watch. God knows we didn't get much excitement since we started hanging out at Dr. M's. Not that it was a bad thing, but you know. A little humour was always good for the soul, right?

Geez, what was up with me today? Fangirl conspiracy theories and now I was spitting out good-soul quote things?

"Fang, no offence to your little girlfriend, but right now, judging by your slow breathing and sudden silence, you're about as spacey as Max when the voice decides to mind-rape her." Iggy laughed.

"Mind-rape? Iggy... you're a sick individual. Don't tell Max that- she'll probably punch you." I shook my head.

"Yeah, probably. Not like it hasn't happened before, though." My 'brother' grinned. "So, how come you're up here instead of being emo in a corner, or something?"

"How come you're in here listening to your gir- Ella's iPod, instead of blowing yourself up with the Gasman, or something?" I shot back easily.

"Ah, touché."

We grinned at each other. Well, I grinned at Igs, and he grinned in my general direction.

"Wanna go watch TV? Well, I'll listen, and you can watch. We'll find something with action, you know, manly stuff." He offered, pulling the other headphone out.

"Sure. I'll be sure to describe all the explosions to you." I rolled my eyes, knowing he'd ask that anyway.

"Awesome. For an emotionless rock, you're pretty cool."

"For a psychotic blind pyro, you're pretty- no wait. You're not cool at all." I smirked. He shoved me slightly, and I punched his shoulder. "Wow- guy stuff. I haven't done this in a while." I mused aloud.

"What? You been doing girl stuff? Is there something you're not telling us, Fang? Or is it Fangette?"

"You're a jerk, Igs."

"I know."


Sorta a filler chapter. But there was some good ol' fashioned brotherly bonding in there. I need revenge ideas! I've got a few, but I'm always welcome to suggestions ;)

Thanks to everyone who's read this story so far, and double thanks to those who review :)



5. Concerts and Kisses


Sorry for the mucho long-time before updating thingy-ma-whatsit.

On another note... ASTRO BOY! I realllllllllllllllllllly wanna go see it. So I am! :D

On another another note... I got nothing. Oh wait, yes I do! Thanks reviewers- you totally make my day! :D:D:D:D And another thing- for anyone who likes Hannah Montana, I mean no disrespect. But I mean- does Iggy seem like the type to like Hannah Montana?

R & R & Frozen prehistoric kitties.


I liked my music. I mean, being blind, music kind of took on a whole new role for me- my hearing was enhanced, making the whole 'music' experience so much better. I could pick out the individual sounds of the guitar, bass, drums, piano, you name it. Sometimes I'd make it a game- pick out the instrument.

Well, it wasn't as if I had anything better to do- no Flyboys or Erasers or whatever other fail experiment the School or Itex wanted to throw at us had made an appearance lately, and we'd promised Dr. M we'd keep the explosions on the down low... so I was kinda bored.

Thus, my new obsession with music. Most of the stuff on Ella's iPod was good, like Green Day and Blink 182. Linkin Park was okay-ish, well some of their songs were, and the Goo Goo Dolls were alright, despite the weird name. Ella had a thing for Rob Thomas- her iPod was full of his songs. He was okay, I guess.

Ella... were girls supposed to be so confusing? She'd say the weirdest things around me, and call me clueless... if she liked me, why wasn't she flirting? That's why I didn't wanna ask her out or anything. I mean, I'm blind, and a mutant freak. She could probably have any normal, able-to-see-perfectly-fine boy that she wanted, according to the mental picture Fang had given me. I put him in an uncomfortable position that night... heh...

Well, there's my daily dose of angst over and done with. But still! I felt like tearing my hair out sometimes. I mean- she was hint dropping, but I didn't know what the hints meant! There was no way I was going to Max or Nudge for advice, Angel and Gaz were too young, so that left...


He seemed like a bit of a Casanova with the ladies, with his dark and mysterious charm and all, so he was the obvious choice. The only other guy in the flock who shared my interest in girls. His interest was kinda only in one girl, but that was beside the point.

The flock thought I was clueless, and I wanted to keep it that way. Call me stupid, but I sort of wanted to randomly surprise Ella one day, with a 'hey, I like you too!'

Except I didn't know if she still liked me or not! All you guys out there, freaking over girls, I feel your pain. I really do. And girls- make your signals clear, for Pete's sake! It was enough to drive a guy freaking crazy!

"Hey, Fang?" I asked, stepping into our shared room. "Can I ask you something?"

"Iggy, if you want me to distract Dr. M so you can blow up a pot plant or something, forget it." I heard Fang's voice to the left of me, so I walked forward and sat on my bed, on the right side of the room.

"It's not that. It's about..." I hesitated, "Well, it's about Ella."

"Ella?" Fang asked, his voice louder than I wanted it.

"Shh!" I hushed him, irritated. What, the boy was practically silent his entire life, but now when I actually wanted him to use a quiet voice... real nice. "Yes, Ella."

"What about her? Iggy, I've got a girlfriend. Don't ask me to describe my girlfriend's sister to you again. That was just awkward..." Fang replied with a sigh. I shook my head.

"No, not that either. I... ugh. Girl's are so frustrating. She thinks I'm totally clueless about her liking me, but I think she does but then she does stuff that makes me think she doesn't, and Fang, look at me. I'm blind!"

"No, really?" Fang asked, sounding like he was smirking.

"Not helping." I growled.

"Sorry, sorry. Iggy, she likes you. It's quite simple. You don't get to see her staring at you or blushing or whatever else girls do when they like a guy. I mean 'Most Likely to Remain Clueless about Crushes'? What did you think that meant?" I heard him shake his head. I frowned.

"That doesn't solve my problem. So, she likes me. What do I do about it?"

"Ask her out." I heard Fang open up his laptop, "It's easy."

"Really?" I was still hesitant.

"Really. Iggy, in a non-weird way, you're not ugly."

I was quiet for a moment. "Thanks."

"Don't worry about it."

I stood up and left our room, intent on finding Ella. My ego was boosted some, I admit. I mean- Fang wasn't big on the heart-felt compliments, not all the time and especially not to me. Guys didn't talk about their feelings; it was like a general rule. Or, maybe normal guys did, and it was just the bird freaks that didn't. I really didn't know, but whatever.

"Iggy!" I turned around, hearing Ella's voice behind me.

"Hey." I grinned. "What's up?" Very suave. That's me- Iggy, the king of Suave-ness.

"My friend Krissa bought me and her tickets to go see Hannah Montana a while ago, but she just called, and she's sick. So, I was wondering... Wanna come with me?"

I stared at her. What kind of weird coincidence was this? I plan on asking Ella out, and then she pops out of no where and pops the dating question? Well, let's roll with it, shall we?

"Sure, I mean, if you don't think it'd be weird or anything..." I tried, intent on keeping my suave-ness.

"Awesome!" Suddenly I was being hugged, and then I heard her footsteps retreating. "I love Hannah Montana- we'll have a great time!"

That was another thing about Ella- she loved Hannah Montana's music. Or Miley Cyrus. I don't know. Same difference, I guess.

Now here's another thing about me- I don't love Hannah Montana.

And yet there I was, going to her concert with the girl I liked, praying that my eardrums would recover in time.

"I'll come pick you guys up when the concert finishes, okay?" Dr. M smiled as she dropped us off, "Be careful, and stay together!"

"Okay Mom, bye! Love you." Ella grabbed my hand and led me through the crowds of people. There was so much noise! I couldn't figure out where the hell I was, or where anything around me was...

But Ella was holding my hand. Oh yeah- why was being blind a bad thing again?

"Isn't this awesome?" Ella shrieked in my ear. I nodded weakly, hoping that my palms weren't sweaty. "Thanks for coming with me!"

"That's okay!" I shouted above the noise, "I'm glad you asked me!"

"Nudge was pretty bummed, but she understood!" she yelled back. Oh- Ella asked me instead of Nudge? Yes! Score!


Around about that time, Hannah came on stage and did her intro thing.

"Heeellooooo Arizona!" her booming voice said, "Thank you all for coming tonight- we're gonna have an awesome time!"

Thanks for coming to town, Hannah, 'cos your concert meant alone time with Ella, and she was still holding my hand. Maybe I misjudged her...

Then she stared singing.

"You got your limo out front," she sang, her voice bouncing off the walls and killing my poor ears. Okay, I definitely didn't misjudge her pop-music voice.

"Isn't this awesome!?" Ella squealed about 5 songs later. I nodded, not sure if I could speak. I decided to try anyway.

"Sure!" I cried.

"Woohoo!" she screamed, and then she let go of my hand.

Oh, crap.

Suddenly, I was pushed forward, stumbling out of my place. "Ella?"

I couldn't hear anything above the deafening screams and pop music blasting from the stereo speaker things. "Ella!" No answer. No reassuring hand taking mind.

I repeat; oh crap.


Then I felt a hand grab mine, and I sighed. "I thought- MMPHHH!"

She was kissing me!

Oh my god.

"Hey! Iggy! What the hell are you doing!?"


I was torn away from the not-Ella-girl and was met with a very angry actual-Ella.

"I- I didn't know! I couldn't see and I didn't know-"

"So you kiss some random girl!?" She screamed. I winced, shaking my head frantically. "I can't believe you!"

"Ella I'm sorry! I really didn't know! Someone pushed me and-"

"And what?"

"Ella, I'm blind!" I shouted back, "This much music is killing my ears, I have a massive headache and I feel more lost than I ever have! I can't get my bearings here, but I'm here because I want to be with you!" there was no reply, and my heart plummeted. I can't believe I did that! I yelled at the girl I like!

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled, but then she took my hand. I stared down in its general direction in surprise. "Is this actually you this time?"

"Sorry for getting all angry." she said in my ear. "I know it's not your fault. I just saw you with her, and-"

I kissed her.

I mentally congratulated myself, as well as concentrating on how to do it right. Way to go, Iggy! Fang, eat your heart out.

We finally broke apart, just as Hannah Montana finished up another song. Cheering erupted around us, and even though it was for Hannah, I pretended it was for me.

"Thanks for coming with me." She breathed as she hugged me.

"Best concert ever." I nodded, grinning.

I was so suave.


That one was pretty long. Not particularly funny, but eh. Hope you enjoyed all the same :)

6. Iggy's ways to cure boredom


Thanks to all those who faved slash reviewed my story. It means a lot -smiles-

I love these list things, they make me laugh. Hopefully I can make you laugh with this chapter.

I own nothing mentioned in this chapter.

R & R?


The Hannah Montana concert, although ear-ache inducing, was great. Kissing Ella really is a fantastic experience you simply can't live without. I would recommend you try it, but then I'd have to punch you for kissing my girlfriend.

I'm sure Fang would be happy to point me in your direction.


Unfortunately for me, Ella had to go to school during the week, which really cut into our together time. Which meant more boredom for me.

Today, it was particularly bad. Nudge had dragged Max out shopping, Angel had gone with, and Gasser was tagging along for the free take-out food. Dr. M was at work, Total had taken over the TV, so there was no chance of me listening to anything, and Fang was...

Blogging, most probably. Then, inspiration struck. What better way to cure boredom, than with Google?

"Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang!" I called loudly, stomping up the stairs to our room. I'd better make as much noise as possible, in case-

Wait, I'm blind. Duh.

"What?" he asked as I entered the room.

"I'm bored." I sat down on his bed, well aware of where he was due to the occasional click of a mouse and his slow, steady breathing.

"And?" I could almost imagine him raising his eyebrow in a very Fang-ish way.

"And- with the help of that little marvel on your lap, we're going to cure my boredom." I answered in an obvious tone.

"The internet?" He asked.

"How else?" I grinned. "Pull up Google, would ya?" He clicked and typed a few times, and bada-boom, Google was apparently up.

"What should we type in?" he asked. I shrugged.

"I know what I want to type in, but it's kinda useless when I can't see." He punched my shoulder, but didn't say anything.

"Hm... let's go for the obvious approach. Things to do when you're bored. Huh. Apparently a lot of people get bored these days."

"What do you mean?"

"Over 179,000,000 results."

I let out a low whistle. "Wow. Oh well- Fangster, there is a whole new door waiting for us, right at your fingertips."

"Drama queen." He muttered. "Let's just click the top link." He clicked the thingy, and waited, drumming his fingers on the keyboard. "Okay, prepare for your boredom to be cured."

"Promise you'll do the list with me?" I said, narrowing my eyes. He must've nodded, because he went; 'I'm nodding, Ig.'

Well, okay then.


Acting like Secret Agents was fun.

That was number one on the list. Hey- don't criticise! It's always good to get in touch with your inner child now and again.

"This is Blind Pyro to Prince of Emo, what is your position?" I whispered into an imaginary walkie-talkie.

"About 10 meters Due North of you. And I want to change my code name." Fang whispered back. I shook my head vigorously.

"There is no code name changing!"

"Whatever. Iggy, we've been at this for fifteen minutes, and all we've discovered is that Total cries in soap operas, which I already knew. Let's get back to the list and try something else." He replied, already going up the stairs.


"And I hereby award myself, by the power vested in me by the Gods of Boredom, the Nobel Peace Prize." I proclaimed, puffing my chest out proudly and grinning.

"Um... are you sure that's how the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded?" he asked sceptically. I shook my head and shrugged.

"Heh... no."


"Hey Total," Fang said conversationally, standing in the living room, "Will you marry me?"

"No." Total grumbled, "Now get out of the way of the TV!"


"There are a thousand reasons, but the most pressing- YOU'RE IN FRONT OF THE TV, WHICH I AM TRYING TO WATCH!"

"Okay then."

I slapped him a high-five as he walked past.

"Nicely done!" I applauded as he headed back upstairs.


"May I ask you two young men what you're doing?" a passing jogger asked, sounding a little out of breath. I shrugged, giving her a smile.

"We're hermits." I answered politely, "May I ask you what you're doing?"

"But... hermits live alone, and there are two of you... on your front lawn." She said slowly, as if she were speaking to morons. Hell, maybe she was.

"Your point?" Fang asked in his no-beating-around-the-bush way. "I'm sorry, but my Mom tells me not to talk to strangers."

The woman jogged off, with a bewildered look on her face I imagine.


"Unless Mr. Martinez or Jeb or whoever has been down here, I think we're boldly going where no man has gone before." Fang muttered. "It's way creepy."

We had boldly gone down to the basement, which Dr. Martinez had told us not to go into under any circumstances. An angry Dr. Martinez is never a good thing, so that's where the boldly came in. We were risking some serious feathers here.

Plus, in accordance to Fang's assessment- it was creepy.

"Woah... what's that?" Fang's quiet voice set me on edge.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm blind, Fang!" I hissed back.

"Oh... it's just a snake." Fang muttered. "Crap. We should probably get out of here." Ever so slightly, he brushed my arm and we started moving backwards, before sprinting for the stairs.


"This is crazy." Fang murmured as we crossed the street to the across-the-street neighbour's place.

"Hey- the list said we had to do it!"

"Which just proves my 'this is crazy' theory even more, Igs. We're doing what an internet list tells us to do. That can't be healthy."

"What isn't healthy about this? We're outside, getting exercise-"

"We're about to challenge an eleven year old kid to a duel." Fang cut in, silencing my good reasoning. I frowned.

"With sticks. He's not in any danger! 'Sides, Nudge is eleven! She kicks Eraser ass almost every day of the week!"

"Nudge is a genetically-enhanced mutant bird kid, Iggy." Fang reminded me. I scowled.

"Hmm. Oh well- we're still doing this!"

We knocked on the door, and it opened.

"Who are you?" I presumed it was the kid, because he had a kid's voice. "What do you want?"

"We challenge you to a duel!" I cried, pointing in what I hoped what the direction of the kid. Fang sighed.

"Um... what?"

"I said, we challenge you to a duel!"

"Mom... there's two crazy people at the door!" the kid wailed, running inside and slamming the door.

"Crap- run!" Fang cursed, grabbing my arm and hauling me away from the door.

"Hey- why wasn't that kid in school?"

"Maybe he was avoiding psycho's like you!" Fang cried. "I'm glaring at you, Iggy."

"Well his plan obviously didn't work." I shrugged. "What's the time?"


"Sweet! Ella will- I mean, they'll all be home soon." I corrected myself.

There was a beat of silence.

"You never did tell me what went down at the concert, Igs..." Fang was smirking, I could tell.

"Sure I did! I told you my eardrums might never recover." I said, pushing through the front door.

"What went down between you and Ella." He was wiggling his eyebrows, I bet. That bastard. I ignored him, going into the kitchen and feeling around for the juice. "Come on, tell me."

"Shut up, Prince of Emo." I retorted, pouring my juice.

"Never. Tell me."

"Go jump off a bridge."

"I can fly you moron."

"Go jump off a bridge with your wings tucked in."

"Tell me."


"Tell me!"

"Nope." I popped the 'p' loudly.

"Fine. I guess I'll just have to use my imagination, and then I'll have to tell Max." My eyes widened, and I nearly coughed up my juice.

"You wouldn't." I glared.

"You're right." He agreed, and I sighed in relief. "I'll tell Dr. M!"

I swear to God, the room would be spinning if I could see.

"We kissed. Nothing else happened. Don't tell Dr. M or I'll gut you with the kitchen knife I know to be right over there."

"Okay." Fang grinned. "Iggy and Ella, sitting in a tree-"

I groaned. Just fantastic.


"Um, Iggy, Fang? Could you come down here?" Dr. Martinez called, sounding confused. We decided to go downstairs and see what was up.

"Mrs. Livingstone called. She said that two boys came to her house today and challenged her son to a... duel?"

I could feel Fang glaring at me.

"Well..." I began, knowing what I said next could get us in serious trouble, or save us. Come on Iggy, you've got a way with words don't you? Fang's depending on you!

A beat of silence passed.

"It was all Fang's idea!" I cried, and then ran up the stairs and into our room.

"Coward!" Fang shouted after me.


It was longer than most, and mucho fun to write. Hope you enjoy! R & R?

7. Crazy Moms and Teasing Moments


Mucho thanks to everyone who reviewed and faved the story. You guys are awesome.

I own nothing, big surprise. R & R?

"Coward!" I shouted after Iggy, glaring daggers at the stairs as he disappeared into our room. That-

"Fang..." Dr. Martinez said warningly. I sighed. I'd deal with Iggy later.

He was a dead man walking.

"Well... Iggy kind of... got bored while you guys were out." I began. Dr. Martinez raised her eyebrows.

"So you challenged an 11 year old boy to a duel?" she summarised.

"Well, kinda... we also went down to the basement and I asked Total to-" I cut myself off, cursing Iggy to the deepest pits of Hell. How did I get myself in these situations!?

"The basement? Fang- it's full of snakes and spiders down there!" Dr. M cried, exasperated. I cleared my throat.

"What did you ask Total to do?" Max asked, standing in the doorway. Oh crap. If that dog talked, he was as dead as Iggy. Ahem, no pun intended.

"Nothing." I said quickly. "Look, Dr. M. It was all Iggy's idea, and I'm sorry. We didn't mean any harm." Max laughed from the doorway, coming to stand beside me.

"That's all very well and good, but I think you owe Billy an apology." Dr. Martinez said. "Go and get Iggy, and go and apologise to that little boy."

I stared at Max, but she just shook her head. I frowned.

"Fine. IGGY! Get your sorry ass down here!" I shouted, going up the stairs.

"Language!" Dr. M called after me.


"Heya Fang. What's up?" Iggy asked, sitting on the bed and grinning in my general direction. I scowled at him.

"You jerk. You left me down there at the mercy of Dr. M and Max." I growled. Iggy just chuckled.

"You should've legged it when you had the chance." He shrugged.

"Dude, Dr. M lives here. She would've found us. You idiot."

"That's why you hide." He said, as if it was obvious. God, I'm surrounded by idiots.

"Oh- ugh. Forget it. We've gotta go and say sorry to that kid you wanted to duel. Come on." I grabbed him arm and dragged him out into the hall.

We walked out onto the front lawn in silence. The sun was setting, a few dogs barked at us as we walked past, and some kid rode down the street on a bike.

I knocked on the door, and waited for someone to answer.

"So..." Iggy said, clearing his throat.



"Shut up. I'm tired of hearing you speak."

"Ooh, harsh." He snickered.

"I thought I told you to shut it."

"I'm hurt, Fang."

"I don't care."

"Really, I'm cut deep."

"I'm ignoring you."

"How could you be so cruel?"


"I think I'm gonna cry."

I sighed. This was getting us nowhere. And where was that kid? I wanted to say sorry and get the hell out of-

"Hello?" a woman with curly blonde hair opened the door, smiling uncertainly. "Can I help you? Wait, you're those boys who terrorised my son!" she cried, her smile turning into a frown in about two seconds flat.

Well, crap.

"I wouldn't say we terrorised him, exactly-"

"Shut it, Iggy." I muttered. "Miss, we're very sorry. It was just a big understanding, I'm sure if we could talk to your son-"

"You boys are the reason I hate teenagers!" the woman cried. "My Billy will never be a hooligan- I'm homeschooling him because of that very reason. I even blocked all the violent channels on the TV!" she proclaimed proudly.

"What?" Iggy asked, raising his eyebrows. "Poor kid."

"Get off my lawn, you horrible twats! And stay away from my son!" the door was slammed in our faces, and Iggy glanced at me.

"I really don't know how to react to that." He said. "You?"

"...Agreed." I answered.

"So... should we... go home?"

"Probably." We turned around and headed back to the house. That was... interesting.


"So... you were verbally abused by a crazy woman who hates teenagers?" Gazzy summarised, his mouth full of meatloaf. There's a sight I could've lived without.

"Basically." Iggy nodded. "Poor kid. She blocked all the good stuff on TV!"

"Maybe I should do that..." Dr. Martinez mused quietly.

We all stared at her.

"Um... Mom..." Max laughed nervously, looking at each of us and then back to her Mom, "Are you... sure that's a good idea?"

"Of course! Educational television is wonderful! We could watch documentaries, and learn about how the world works, and all kinds of historical events and... guys! I'm kidding!" she laughed.

We blinked, before bursting out laughing.

"Now I know where Max gets her terrible sense of humour." Iggy muttered, earning him a kick in the shin. "Ow!"

"Never crack jokes at the expense of the tomboy with pwnage fighting skills." I grinned, punching his shoulder.

"Everyone is against me!" he cried, pretending to rub his shoulder in pain.

"It's okay, Iggy. I'm not against you." Ella smiled. I took Max's hand and squeezed it gently, grinning at her. She looked from Iggy, to Ella, to me, and frowned in confusion.

"I'll tell you later." I murmured to her.

"Gazzy, what are you doing?" Angel asked, staring at her older brother in surprise. We all looked at him. He grinned, his mouth full of broccoli.

"I'm pretending I'm a dinosaur, and I'm eating the trees!" he proclaimed. I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"Hey Iggy?" I asked.


"You showed Gaz the list, didn't you?"



The others didn't quite know what to say.


"So... Ella and Iggy?" she asked as we soared through the crisp night air. "Can't say I didn't see that coming."

"Yeah." I replied.

"Back to one word answers? I thought you'd come out of your shell a little." She teased. I smiled.

"I'm part avian, not part shellfish." I replied easily. "Kidding."

"So, what exactly did you and Iggy do today?" she asked, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear as we flew, "You know, besides piss off a crazy Mom?" I chuckled.

"Well, we pretended to be hermits on the front lawn... went down to the basement and... pretended to be secret agents." I said, forgetting for a moment how stupid I sounded.

"Isn't there something else you wanted to tell me?" Max got a secret, knowing smirk on her face, and one name flashed through my mind.

Total. You're a dead man. Erm, dog.

"No." I lied quickly. She raised her eyebrows.

"So, you didn't, say... propose to someone?" she asked innocently. I shook my head.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I answered, pointing my feathers downward and soaring away.

"Fang!" she called after me, laughing. "It's okay if you love Total! I can deal with that! We'll make it work!"

I just smiled in spite of myself and angled upwards again, wrapping her in a tight embrace as we fell a few feet before breaking apart.

"Love you." I called.

"Not Total?" she teased.

"Shut up."


Thanks for reading :)