Relief by o0-flyinghigh-0o

Relief

Hi!

So this is Fang's POV after kissing Max in Final Warning. It's my first fan-fic so all criticism is welcomed, I'd just love to hear from you.

DISCLAIMER: I promise you I'm not JP, and therefore do not own Max, Fang, ect.

***

He couldn't take his eyes off her retreating figure. He watched every single stroke of her wings, each one pulling her further away from him, until she faded away into the dark night. He closed his eyes and sighed, unable to escape her image even in the safety of his own head.

He knew how he should be feeling. He should be feeling distraught, betrayed, angry that she'd run away again, or annoyed, at the very least. But he felt none of these things. Instead he felt relief. It meant that it would be just a little bit longer before he had to start pretending that she was what he wanted, that she was all he ever wanted, all he ever would want. Whether or not that was actually the case was irrelevant. The fact that his heart belonged to someone else was completely irrelevant. The fact that he'd lost to it to another guy even more so.

The differences between his feelings for her and his feelings for him were alarming. With her, he wanted to be near her, to be able to see her, to know that she was safe. But he didn't necessarily want to kiss her. The first time he'd only kissed her to try and persuade her to stay safe, this time because he needed to know what she expected of him. What the hell was he supposed to do with her play at ignorance? And now he knew he didn't need to kiss her again for quite some time. In fact, he might even be able to get away with letting her make the first move next time.

But when he was with him it was like he was a completely different person. Simply touching him in the most innocent of ways, a meeting of their fingertips, perhaps, caused his heart to accelerate in the most exhilarating way. Damn, even looking him, seeing those blue sightless eyes, that blonde hair, even just his tall silhouette, affected him in ways that she never could.

'Iggy,' he whispered, the name almost a prayer.

But that could never happen. Even if she no longer existed. Even if she'd never been born. Iggy had been pretty clear on that when he made the mistake of telling him. Unsummoned, the memory of that night made its way to the front of his consciousness, forcing him to relive it, and for once, instead of fighting it, he allowed himself to be surrounded by sensations from something that seemed so long ago.

***

Fang and Iggy were sitting by the pond at Anne's. It was a rare moment when the two of them actually got some time together without everyone else crowding in on them. Tonight, Max was on a date with some guy from school called Sam, not that his name mattered. Nudge and Angel were busily discussing the date and Gazzy was lazing around and watching TV.

After several moments of silence had passed, Iggy looked up his bright blue eyes meeting Fang's dark ones. Fang felt his pulse quicken and thanked God that Angel wasn't here right now.

'I know this must be hard for you, but you know Max won't last long with some guy from school, or at least he wouldn't last long with her,' Iggy said, forcing a smile for the last bit.

Fang forced his gaze out to the lake and tried to control his breathing, heartbeat, and well pretty much every other uncontrollable reaction. He'd known how he felt about Iggy for a while now, but it had never felt so intense as it did at that moment.

'I know,' he said finally, hoping he managed to keep his voice sounding normal.

'He probably won't even get a second date, and there's almost no way Max will kiss him,' Iggy continued, seemingly unaware of Fang's inner turmoil.

'I really don't care what Max does with that guy,' Fang said distractedly, unable to shake the sound of Iggy's words from his head. Kiss him, he'd said. And Fang didn't think he'd heard a better suggestion at any point during his short life.

'You know what, Fang? You can lie to everyone else, you can lie to Max and you can try lying to yourself. But I know how you feel about her. I know that you love her, and I know that she loves you too. You have nothing to worry about, but don't pretend that you don't care. Especially when nothing could be more untrue.'

And for Fang that was too much. Here he was, wanting Iggy so much that his body was practically shaking with it, while Iggy told him he was in love with someone else. He stood up, pulling Iggy up with him. He grabbed one Iggy's hands and guided it down towards his groin, thinking how much easier this would be if Iggy wasn't blind.

'Feel that?' Fang asked, his voice ragged with this wanting. Taking Iggy's wide eyes as answer, Fang continued, 'this is all you. I don't want Max. I never have. I want you'

'Fang…' Iggy started uncertainly, but before he could voice his misgivings about all of this, Fang kissed him.

At first it was a soft kiss, as Fang tentatively parted Iggy's lips with his own. He moved slowly, careful to savour every moment of this miracle. He wrapped his arms around Iggy drawing him closer to him. And then all his repressed desire seemed to rise up inside him and his kisses became harder and more urgent. He heard a gasp and felt Iggy pull him closer. He moved one of his arms so that he could feel Iggy's hair through his fingers, and gave him one last deep kiss, before moving to his ear.

'I love you,' he murmured between kisses, 'I've always loved you, and I'll always love you.'

And then he realised Iggy had gone still beside him. He pulled away, not sure what had happened.

'What's wrong?' he asked, confused.

'What's wrong?' Iggy repeated, sounding angry, 'this is wrong. I don't love you Fang. I could never love you. But Max does. You shouldn't be out here seducing me; you should be in there waiting to make sure she's still yours when she comes home. It's you and Max, remember, it's always you and Max. Don't throw that away over me, because I promise I still won't take you then.'

Iggy marched off towards the house, leaving Fang feeling awkward and let down. And broken-hearted.

***

Iggy had been right though. Max did love him. He'd seen it in her eyes when she'd first kissed him, on the beach. Even through his pain it had been impossible to miss that emotion, painted so clearly in her beautiful brown eyes, and not for the first time he wished that he could return those feelings, and give her everything that she deserved.

Iggy had been right about a lot of things. Max and Fang had been lumped in together from the very beginning. When friendship was all she required it had been fine, but now… Max and Fang. Fang and Max. The words seemed to take on entirely different meaning. One that sometimes had the ability to make him nauseous.

But there was no point denying it. His future lay with Max. He knew that now. And if he ever looked as if he might forget it, Iggy was good and subtle reminders, and not so subtle. God, when he and Max split the flock up and it was going to just be Iggy, Gazzy and himself, he'd let himself dream. Sure it might hurt to lose Max, something akin to being torn apart, but maybe he could make the best of a bad situation. Maybe he could win Iggy over.

That dream didn't last long. He could still hear Iggy's sharp hiss as Fang had made himself describe those beach bunnies. And even more agonising, the sound of Iggy begging for more, a desperate plea to feed his appetite for big breasts and little waists wearing as little as possible. An appetite Fang could never fill by giving himself.

And with his last hope dead before it got the chance to spread its wings, he found himself once again turning back Max. There was always Max. There was only Max. Sure she didn't make his heart race or his breath catch. Sure she was more like a sister than anything else, but she loved him. And he did love her, if not in quite the way she wanted. And that would have to enough.

With the sun sending its first rays over the horizon, he picked himself up and began to make his way back to the hotel. Where Jeb, Iggy and Gazzy all lay (hopefully) sleeping. Next to the room where Max, Dr. Martinez, Nudge and Angel were doing the same. And he was pretty sure they all knew that he and Max were, well, destined, for lack of a better word. He sure didn't want to be the one to let them down. Fang and Maximum Ride. Whoever heard of a better couple?

There'll always be a you and me, he thought grimly, even if we both don't want it.