When Fan Girls Attack! by Ashley-Lampost

Category:Maximum Ride
Genre:Humor, Parody
Published:2006-12-29 14:25:30
Updated:2006-12-29 14:25:30
Packaged:2021-04-21 23:51:05
Summary:When stopping for the night, Max and the gang run into rabid fangirls! Oneshot. ParodyHumor

When Fan Girls Attack!

A/N I added a little bit (emphasis on little) to this from some ideas from the awesome reviewers (yeah, yeah, after a really looong time, I know). Read and enjoy.

The town was small and dark. There was no way that anyone could be down there. I was tired, but trying not to show it, but the rest of the flock weren't even trying. "Why don't we stop down there for the night." I suggested.

The town was high up, and the jagged mountain was impossible to climb. It had to have been abandoned. We swooped down, and I crept towards the nearest building. Pulling the window off was hard, but hey, I've got superhuman strength, right? And I know how to be stealthy and leave no trace that anyone was there. The window dropped, and glass shattered. Okay, maybe not.

Fang shot me a glare that said 'be careful, someone might have heard that' I shot him an 'oh really, I had no idea' look. Amazing how far looks went these days.

There were five beds. "I'll take the floor." I said automatically. Then everyone could get their own bed. I was too preoccupied to hear a groan. I should have been paying more attention.


The door burst open, and so did the windows. There were a whole bunch of girls from about age ten and up streaming through. What the…

"OH MY GOD! IT'S FANG!" one shouted. I heard an odd sounding yelp as over half the girls dove at Fang.

"IGGY!" the remaining girls threw themselves at Iggy.

What the heck was going on?

"Guys! U and A!" I yelled, but too late.

"Max, you love Fang, right?"

"No, she loves Iggy."

"No, Iggy loves Nudge."

"Fang loves Iggy."

"In your dreams.



"The Gasman and Angel!"

"Fang and Iggy for life."

"U and A!" I tried, but to no extent.

"Iggy, you love Max, right?"

"Excuse me?" This was getting out of control, but I couldn't help but ask.

"Angel and the Gasman."

"But she's my sister!" Gazzy shouted.

"Yeah, the Gasman is right! He is madly in love with Iggy."



They were circled around us. This was so not good.

"Fax means you and me right?" I heard Fang ask.

"I think so." I said.

"Then Figgy would mean…" he trailed off, we looked at Iggy.

"Hey." He said, as if sensing our looks. "I didn't start these rumors. So don't look at me."

"How do they know who we are?" Nudge asked sticking her head forward.

"I have no idea."

The screaming was loud and over powering. It was impossible to push whoever these people were off.

"Who are you!" I screamed as loud and commanding as I could manage. I let my wings unfold for dramatic effect.

Immediately there was silence.

"We." One said, stepping forward. "Are your fan girls."

"What?" lost for words took on a new meaning.

"We, like, totally adore you guys." She said, and then jumped forward to touch my wings. "They're real!" she shrieked.

I tried to pull in my wings, but the weirdo fan girls already had their hands all over me. Fang grabbed me and pulled me back.

"SEE! HE'S TOUCHING HER! FAX IS REAL!" Fang immediately let go of me. He snapped his wings out too, as if ready to attack the fan girls (something that didn't seem like such a bad idea).

"Max don't you love Ari!" I heard one yell out.

"Yeah." I called out sarcastically. "I'm attracted to people trying to kill me. Get real."


They were crowding over us. There was so not anything on my list that applied under 'How to escape from rabid fan girls'

"Through the window now!" I yelled out.

"How?" I heard Iggy ask. "They're everywhere!"

"Hang on, I've got it!" I cried, and ripped out one of Fang's feathers. I heard a hiss that was more out of shock then pain, but he didn't say anything.

I let the feather fall slowly to the ground as the fan girls watched with wide eyes in silence. When the feather touched the ground lightly, it broke the spell, and there was a battle shriek as they all ran forward on top of each other, trying to reach Fang's feather first.

"Everyone, out the window now!" I yelled. We made it through, leaving the cat fight of fan girls over the feather behind us.

We had left an event that had truly scarred us for life. Turning around for one last glance, a large sign caught my eye. Reading it, I sighed, wishing we had seen it earlier. The sign said:


(A/N) I do not own MR, Fan girls (thank God) or Fang's feather. I do own the Fan Girl containment area.