The UMRFGPA by Funnybusinessperson

Category:Maximum Ride
Genre:Humor, Parody
Published:2007-08-10 17:55:07
Updated:2007-08-11 13:56:11
Packaged:2021-04-21 23:38:07
Summary:The United Maximum Ride Fan Girl Pairing Association. The flock meets some arguing fangirls! FAX VS MARI! Add a dash of Fax in there. Chapter 2 is up!

Table of Contents

2. A Few Months Later



"Check this out," I motioned for the flock to come over. We stood before a well-cared for, very large shed. There were no windows.

"Let's go inside," Angel said. Iggy motioned for us to stop.

"I hear voices," Iggy stated. Angel shrugged it off.

"I don't feel anyone," Angel argued. I nodded and barged in.

Sitting at a large conference table, were seven young teenage girls. They looked like they were in a heated argument, but stopped immediately when we came in. Standing in the corner were three other girls.

"Um, oh," I stuttered, "Sorry. We'll be leaving." I started to back away slowly.

"WAIT!" a girl yelled, standing up. She seemed to be the leader of this organization.

"You're the flock!" the same girl exclaimed. We all started to back away again.

"No please! We're the U.M.R.F.G.P.A.!" the girl explained.

"The who?" Nudge asked.

"The U.M.R.F.G.P.A., the United Maximum Ride Fan Girl Pairing Association," she explained.

"That's a mouthful," Iggy scoffed.

"Yeah. We're kind of like the United Nations, but instead of countries, we represent Maximum Ride pairings!" she smiled. A girl leaning back in her chair, with her feet swung onto the table scoffed.

"I represent Fax. I'm the leader. Over there is Miggy, Niggy, and Figgy," she said, motioning at three girls smiling brightly.

"Those two are Fudge and Gadge," she pointed to two girls who said 'yo' simultaneously.

"And over there sulking is Mari!" she ended with an angry smile. The last girl pulled down her feet and banged her fist on the table and stared angrily at the flock.

"I lost all credibility after book 3," she told them snidely. The flock stared at her, half-scared.

"I don't understand. I know what pairings are, but what are those names?" Fang asked.

"Well, for pairing names, you just combine the two people's names. Fax is Fang and Max," she explained, smiling. I stared at her wide-eyed.

"Miggy is Max and Iggy," Iggy and I made 'ew' faces, "Niggy is Nudge and Iggy," Nudge and Iggy stuck out their tongues, "And Figgy is Fang and Iggy."

"THAT'S SICK AND WRONG!" Iggy protested. Fang shook his head speedily, disturbed.

"Well, Fudge is Fang and Nudge and Gadge is Gazzy and Nudge," the leader said slowly.


"And Ms. Pissed over there," the leader said, "Is Mari…" I cut her off.

"Me and my brother," I said angrily. The leader folded her arms and huffed. She nodded.

"I s something wrong with you?" Gazzy asked. The Mari girl sighed and looked over at the flock.

"I TOLD you I lost all my credibility after the third book." She sighed.

"It started great! He turned nice! Doomed to die, yes, but he wanted to help you! But stupid chapter 105," she complained.

"105?" Nudge asked.

"The chapter when Jeb told Max he was her dad," she explained.

"It didn't make sense in the first place," I argued.

"Oh no? I'll give you some examples," the Mari girl stood up.

"Book 1, chapter 116. Ari calls you pretty and says he 'likes 'em feisty'," the Mari girl said.

"But then Fang launched at Ari, obviously jealous! FAX ALL THE WAY!" the leader interrupted.

"YOU'VE HAD YOUR TURN SO SHUT UP!" the Mari girl yelled back.

"Then book 2," the Mari girl went on, "Had Ari's whole plan to take Max for himself, obviously he loved her."

"Psh. So what?" the leader scoffed.

"PUHLEAZE! Book 2 was completely anti-Fax!" the Mari girl argued.

"Oh yeah? Chapter 103! Ha!" the leader shot back.

"A hug? So what? Book 2 loved Mari, AND created those two losers!" the Mari girl replied, pointing to two of the girls in the corner.

"WE ARE NOT LOSERS!" they complained.

"Oh really? Do you have any fanfictions on the Mari girl said.

"Yeah! It was a great one too!" one o0f the girls argued.

"How did it end?" the Mari girl said bluntly.

"Fax," the other girl admitted.

"Exactly. So shut up Sax and Fassa," the leader told them.

"But at least they had more love in book two than Fax!" the Mari girl argued.

"What? Please!"

"Chapter 52, bitch. And don't forget 72!" the Mari girl grinned with delight. The two girls in the corner whooped. The leader pursed her lips.

"Face it," the Mari girl smiled evilly, "Book 2 pretty much broke them apart."

The flock had slinked back into the corner with the rejects.

"Who are you?" angel asked, looking at the girl who hadn't been introduced.

"I'm Veb," she smiled sweetly.

"Huh?" I asked.

"I like your parents together," the girl explained. Ew.

"And who are they?" I asked quietly.

"They're Sax and Fassa. Sam and Max, and Fang and Lissa," the Veb girl replied.

"Do they always fight like this?" I asked, watching Mari and Fax argue.

"Only sometimes. See, the Mari fangirl is actually a fan of Fax, too. But she doesn't like anyone putting down Mari. She literally CRIED when she read chapter 105. Her position lost a lot of power, considering it's now illegal," the Veb girl explained to me. I nodded.

"Ari's her favorite, after reading the third book she was a nervous wreck for a week!" the Veb girl looked worried.

"Geez. Ari has fangirls?" I scoffed. I saw Fang quickly smile.

"Actually yes. Book 3 increased his popularity quite a bit," she said.

"Huh," I couldn't imagine Ari having fangirls. I COULD imagine him being attacked by a bunch of obsessed fangirls. I stifled a giggle.

"Fang has the biggest population of fangirls," the Veb girl told me matter-of-factly.

"Why?" Fang asked, confused.

"Tall, dark, and handsome. Fangirl's dream," she explained. Fang scratched his chin.

"Most girls would deny it though," the Veb girl told me.

"Really? Why?" I asked.

"They're afraid you would kill them," she explained. I looked at her like 'What?'.

"Most fangirls are Fax fangirls," she said, "That's why Fax leads." I nodded.

"Book 3 got so man fangirls hyped up," the Veb girl smiled.

"You should have seen the forum posts on Chapter 19!" she grinned ear-to-ear.

"Chapter…19?" I was confused.

"Wish I could tell you what happened in that chapter. But I can't. I'd prefer for Fang NOT to kill me," she told me.

"Huh?" I asked.

"It was a chapter when he was alone. It was about his, um, personal thoughts," she explained. Fang stared in horror at the Veb girl.

"Is everyone superficial about their pairing?" I asked. Veb shook her head.

"Only Fassa and Sax. Pretty much everyone else is a Fax supporter. Another reason Fax leads," Veb told me. I nodded. Were we that popular?

"So, you can't tell me what happened in 19, but how about 18?" I interrogated.

"17's better. It made the Fax girls squeal," Veb smiled at me.

"What happened then?" I asked. She winked.

"Kissy kissy," she teased. Fang and I stood silently. We glanced at each other and quickly looked back at Veb. The leader and Mari seemed to be winding down. I strode to the front, my flock right behind me.

"Hate to leave, but we've got world saving business to do," I told the group. They all nodded sadly. Fang looked over the group.

"So how many of you are Fax supporters?" he asked bluntly. Everyone's hands shot in the air except Mari, Fassa, and Sax. Slowly, Mari raised her hand.

"Okay then," Fang said. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me close to him.

"What the-," I said, but before I could finish. Fang dipped me and kissed me long and hard. The eight girls were squealing annoyingly.

"That should keep them busy," Fang smiled at me. I jumped out of his arms and out of that shed. I jumped into the air, the flock not too far behind. Damn it. Worst thing is…

He did it for the fangirls.

2. A Few Months Later

A.N.: OMG! Eight reviews in the first day! Thanks a bunch! So naturally, I added a second chapter! Thanks all! And yes, there are some out-of-character moments. But you wanted Fax! AND YOU GOT FAX!

POV Mari Representative

"Guys! Check this out!" Niggy cried, tapping on her laptop. All of UMRFGPA representatives crowded around, looking at Fang's blog.

"He mentioned us!" Niggy said excitedly. I read the entry.

"He called me nuts!" I yelled. Jealous little son of…

"He called me disgusting," Figgy complained.

"Ha ha! He's got your numbers!" Fax mocked. Veb laughed at her comment and pointed at the screen.

"He called you the craziest!" Veb told Fax.

"WHAT?!" Fax snapped her attention back to the screen.

"He says the only ones with a level head here were the ones in the corner," Fudge read. Fassa and Sax high-fived and Veb grinned.

"I bet Max punched him for that one," Miggy said.

"Jeez, what's his problem?" Gadge complained.

"Have any of you read the last sentence yet?" Niggy asked the group. Everyone turned back to the screen and read.

"THEY'RE COMING BACK?!" the group yelled.

"Ooo! I'll make LOTS and LOTS of food!" Veb offered.

"I'll spruce the room up!" Fudge joined.

"Gifts! We need gifts!" Fassa cried.

"Great gifts!" Fax agreed.

"And a video camera!" Sax said.

"YES!" the group yelled in unison.

"Ooo! I hope they bring Jeb!" Figgy squealed, a true Jeb fan.

"Gosh, do we even know when they're gonna show up?" Gadge worried.

"Now's the time," Max said, throwing the door open.

"THE FLOCK!" we all cried. I ran up to Fang.

"I'll show you 'nuts'," I threatened, rolling up my sleeve.

"Calm down, Mari," Veb put a hand on my shoulder. I pouted and shrugged her off. Fax ran up behind me, crying. She clutched her hands near the base of her neck.

"How could you call me the craziest?" Fax asked, hysterical. Fang combed his fingers through his hair.

"You're too out there. Sax and Fassa seem more down to earth," Fang explained rationally. Max rolled her eyes. Fassa and Sax secretly high-fived behind their backs. The rest of the group looked stumped.

"But Fax has the largest fan base," Veb stated reasonably. We just noticed Fang and Max weren't looking at each other. BAD NEWS. Fax was completely devastated.

"I'm going to go on 'kay?" Fax said calmly, slinking back in front of the laptop. My heart went out to her. This was worse than chapter 105. This was right in front of her.

"So why did you guys come anyway?" Gadge asked.

"We're bored," Iggy admitted. Angel skipped over to depressed Fax and started whispering to her.

"So saving the world not good enough?" Miggy teased. Max shrugged.

"We brought a camera so we could upload pictures of you onto our blog." Nudge showed us her digital camera.

"Sorry we didn't have enough time to set anything up," Sax apologized. Gazzy shrugged. Fax stood up.

"Plan Omega C!" Fax shouted, looking determined. I understood and nodded.

"OMEGA C!" I repeated. Veb, Fassa, Sax, and Gadge blocked the door. Figgy hit a button on the wall, turning on the electric wire on the roof.

"What are you doing?" Max demanded.

"Do NOT mess with fangirls," Fax warned.

"What?" Iggy asked, confused.

"You two," Fax said, motioning at Fang and Max, "Messed with my fangirl mojo. You have NO idea how much a fangirl mojo influences a fangirl's life! When you kill a fangirl mojo, you destroy part of that person!"

I was shocked. Fax was sticking up for me! Sorta…

"Well what can we do?" Max yelled back.

"Read this," Fax shoved book 3 in Max's face. It was open to chapter 19. Max quickly scanned it over. She looked at Fang, who was blushing furiously.

"Fang?" Max was blushing a little now, too. Fang refused to meet Max's eyes.

Max looked down at the book and closed it.

"So you don't feel this way, then?" a small tear fell off of Max's cheek and onto the ground. Fang looked down at her. Tears were falling steadily now.

"Can you guys give us a minute?" Fang asked us. Fax nodded.

"Stand aside," Fax ordered. Fassa, Veb, Sax, and Gadge stood aside.

"Mari," Fax said. I looked over.

"Watch 'em. We'll make sure the others don't fly off." Fax smiled at me. I nodded and followed Fang and the crying Max out of the shed.

Fang grabbed Max's hand. She looked up at him. He whispered something to her, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. I looked over at the two with interest.

Fang cupped his hands around Max's head and kissed her deeply.

I made an 'ew' face and watch the two in disgust. What? I can't look away! I got duties!

Fang and Max broke apart and Fang wiped one of Max's tears away.

Who knew Mr. Emotionless was so SAPPY? I stuck out my tongue. Fang took Max's hand and walked back.

"Finally," I huffed, opening the door for the three of us.

"No need to worry about your fangirl mojo," I told Fax. She smiled at me.

"Oh, I KNOW," she told me. She winked and pulled out a camera.

"Tape or picture?" I asked, astonished.

"I taped. They took pictures," she explained. I smiled and nodded.

"It was fun guys, but we gotta go," Max told us. We nodded, hiding our cameras.

The flock ran outside, but I followed.

"Max!" I yelled. The flock turned to me. I grabbed a handful of wild flowers and handed them to Max.

"Give them to Ari for me," I asked her. She smiled and nodded. Then we watched the flock run off and take flight.