The Experiments by Ashily

Category:Maximum Ride
Genre:Humor, Parody
Published:2006-06-26 17:14:41
Updated:2006-06-26 17:14:41
Packaged:2021-05-07 02:23:46
Summary:Maximum Ride, the band! [Parody.]

The Experiments

Title: The Experiments

Author: Mercy Me It's Ashley

Summary: Maximum Ride... the band. Hey, when you're bored, stuff happens.

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Let's face it, this is fanfiction. No one owns anything.

The Experiments

One day, the flock was sitting around doing nothing, when Max suddenly had a fantastic idea, why not start a band?

The group was reluctant at first, but after some alternative motivation (read: black mail, forcible manhandling and guilt trips) they agreed.

Max wanted the band to be called Maximum Ride and Her Flock, because she was the obvious leader of the band, even if she couldn't sing a note or play any instrument. But then Angel used her mind powers to knock her unconscious during the naming meeting, so then it was decided that the band would be called The Experiments. Catchy, eh?

At the next meeting, (dubbed the "Instrument Meeting"), they decided to raid the nearest music store for their instruments. They got a French horn, a baritone, a clarinet, a tambourine and a pack of gum.

And that was when the wonder that is eBay came into the game. Together, they purchased a keyboard, a microphone, a drum kit, a bass guitar, and two electric guitars. All for a total of $.06, plus shipping and handling.

It was a mad dash for instruments when the package came, ending up with several black eyes and a bloody nose on Max's part.

It now became obvious that this approach would not work.

In the end, Max chose everyone's instrument on what it looked like they'd be good at playing. It was only logical that Iggy would be good at playing the piano, because he's blind. Stevie Wonder's blind, and so was Ray Charles, and they both played the piano. That made sense. Who cared if he already had a good idea of how to play the bass? He'd do fine at the piano.

Fang got rhythm guitar, seeing as most rhythm guitarists were sulky emo kids.

Max gave herself lead guitar, because she was leader, and even if she couldn't sing, she would get the lead something. And guitarists always ended up famous, so it was only natural she'd get lead guitar.

Gazzy got drums, because the drummer was always a guy, and he was the only one left. So there.

That left lead singer and bass, and Nudge and Angel. Seeing as Nudge liked to talk so much, Max gave her lead singer, and Angel got bass. Even if the instrument was bigger than her. She'd grow into it. Eventually.

Meeting number three (the "Oh Shit, This Isn't Going to Work Out" meeting) was complete chaos. There was much banging, twanging, breaking and screaming. Seeing as no one really knew how to play their instruments.

It was at that moment that Max realized they would need lessons.

So, after two years of lessons apiece, they had meeting number four. And lo and behold, they could actually play.

After another two years of composing music and playing at trashy nightclubs, they were signed.

Two years after that (see a pattern here?) they finally made it big.

They were hailed as the best thing since the Beatles, the greatest musical sensation to ever hit the airwaves. Critics were predicting world takeover, by the biggest band in the world. And yes, the biggest band in the world actually was The Experiments.

Maybe they would have, if it weren't for some... er, unfortunate circumstances.

Fang was the first to leave the band, citing that he was too emo to belong to something so commercial. Rumors are going about he changed his name to Alfonso, and now specializes in deep frying hamburgers at Mickey D's.

Iggy followed after, joining a folk act called "The Miracle Twin Sister's Jealousy Rage Hearts", which was an odd enough name, besides the fact it was five guys whistling and strumming at acoustic guitars. According to Iggy, they're quite a hit in Norway.

But the band could survive without a rhythm guitarist or keyboardist. They could go on, but they did have a hard time adjusting without a drummer.

Next to leave was Gazzy, though not at his own will. The thing was, he accidently blew apart the stage during one of his light shows, injuring three roadies and two groupies. It was either he got kicked out, or they got sued. But he's doing pretty well for himself, he signed up with the Guard and now works at Area 51 blowing stuff up for a living.

The Experiments toured as an all girl act for several years before another lineup change. Angel, who'd become somewhat of an (read: raging) alcoholic, was sent to rehab, where she found God and became a nun. Well, the church wouldn't really take her, seeing as she was an alcoholic and had never even heard of the Book of Job. So she just kind of locks herself in her apartment and prays a lot.

All things aside, Nudge and Max were determined to make it. After all, they had a guitar, they had a singer, what else did they need? Turns out some cough drops might have been just fine.

From the stress of constant talking and singing, Nudge eventually lost her voice. It wasn't just a temporary thing either, she just suddenly went completely mute. It was very sad.

Eventually she flew to France to receive experimental treatment for her condition, the treatment didn't work, but she did meet a handsome mime named... well, no one really ever figured out what his name was, but they seemed very happy together, making up the most famous husband and wife mime team in all of Paris.

Make no mistakes though, the band is still going strong, even if it is just Max. And even if the record label dropped them. The band had a leader, and that was all it needed. In fact, tomorrow they're set to open for a Junior High talent show.

Oh, no, scratch that, they just cancelled.