Max VS The Forum by Emaryllis

A/N: Hey guys. I've been dying to try a Humor/Parody fic, and then it came to me. This fic is based off of the Maximum Ride website, so if you haven't been there yet, then you won't get this fic. Well fine, it'll probably still amuse you, but it won't be as funny, unless you're one of the forumers.

It's supposed to be funny, so please, tell me if its not. I probably won't be writing many chapters for this, just a couple. As long as you guys still like it…

Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride, the Maximum Ride Forum, or any of the topic titles from the forum that I used for this fic.

XXXXXXXXXXXX Chapter 1: Max Has Officially Been Scarred

We haven't been bothered by Erasers for exactly 3 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 27 minutes, and 40 seconds. Not, that I've been counting or anything dorky like that. Just the fact that they've left us alone for so long is, what can I say, a total shocker. But…what sucks is that I'm constantly on edge, waiting for them to return and go back to making our lives living hell, as they are annoyingly prone to do.

Of course, what with the lack of crazy wolf-men chasing us, Gazzy, Angel, and Nudge have been begging me to stay in a real hotel. What's wrong with the good old outdoors, I ask you? Kids these days…

Through the combined efforts of Nudge and Angel – not so much Gazzy – I was finally persuaded, and we headed for the nearest Holiday Inn. Dang those Bambi eyes. They will be my undoing. And Fang wasn't any help either. In fact, he caved in within the first five seconds. At least I was able to resist for a few minutes. You'd think our dear buddy Fang would be above such lowly manipulation. But no. Apparently, Fang is a complete, and unashamed sucker, for cute and adorably pouty little faces.

Well, what's there to say? We found a hotel, and checked in. I have no idea what all the freaking fuss is about getting hotel reservations and whatnot. The worst thing that happened was the manager person glared at us suspiciously, and some crazy girl tried to attack Fang in the lobby…um…yeah. For some extremely weird reason, she seemed to know who he was, and apparently, Fang has some pretty creepy fans. That incident freaked all of us out to no end, Fang included. Somehow, we all managed to escape to our respective rooms.

We got two rooms, one room for us girls, and one room for the guys. I wanted to get just one room, but, somehow, I was persuaded to splurge, and get two. I mean, seriously, come on? We don't need two different rooms. Of course, even though I am the leader around here, my opinion isn't taken very seriously.

Each room had two twin-sized beds. I snorted. What a cheap hotel. Jeez. Anyway, I opted to sleep on the floor, so that Nudge and Angel could get beds to themselves, and Fang did the same, in the guys' room. Iggy protested a little, but, after a little bit of persuading, he relented. After all, it's a bed. If Fang is going to be stupid enough to refuse a bed, then hey, why not take advantage of the poor guy?...well…I dunno. Since we're going to be staying here for a couple weeks (oh, good lord), then I might have to force them to take turns with the bed later on, if things start to get hairy (Fang tends to get cranky when he's been sleeping on a hard surface for too long).

So. We've finally "settled down." The first time we've attempted that kind of thing since the Erasers came and chased us out of our first home, the one in the mountains. Let's all hope this works out…

Day 1: 12/31/06

All the younger guys have found ways to occupy themselves. Board games, the hotel's pool outside, the arcade room, freaking out the granny next door. Iggy has fallen in love…with the tv. Apparently, listening to the tv is just as good as watching it.

That leaves me and Fang.

Fang, surprise surprise, is bored.

I, surprise surprise, am bored.

Day 2: 1/1/07

Fang sneaks behind me while I'm eating my breakfast and reading the comics.

"Max?"

"Mm hm…?"

"That blog I made was pretty cool, wasn't it."

"Yeah sure Fang. Whatever you say." I miss my mouth with my spoonful of cereal, and absentmindedly hit my nose.

Day 3: 1/2/07

"I think I'm getting behind in the blog, Max. Since we haven't had a computer in so long."

"Uh huh Fang…wait…what did you say?"

Day 4: 1/3/07

"The blog had a lot of really great stuff on it. I'd hate to let my readers down."

"Yeah, Fang, that would be too bad." I kept my eyes focused on the tv.

"How much do you think a laptop would cost Max?

"I don't know…what would you want a laptop for, Fang?"

"….."

Day 5: 1/4/07

"I wish I could get online somehow…"

"Yeah, yeah Fang. Whatever you say." I watched my food go around in the microwave. My eyes glazed over.

Day 6: 1/5/07

Fang leaned against the door as I finished brushing my teeth in the hotel's tiny bathroom.

"Uh, Max, about tha–

"OK FANG MY GOD WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THAT STUPID BLOG. I WILL GO OUT TODAY AND BUY YOU A FREAKING LAPTOP IF YOU JUST. SHUT. UP."

"–that table that Gazzy and Iggy blew up yesterday…"

"What?"

"…Nevermind."

Day 7: 1/6/06

God. I went and got him that stupid laptop. He kept on freaking bugging me about it. And let me tell you, that laptop was so dang expensive. But, I guess that it's worth it, if it keeps Fang busy doing something besides getting on my nerves.

Day 8: 1/7/07

"Hey Max."

"Yeah Fang?"

"Come check this out. It's like…a forum or something. I guess JP went and started all this based on the book you helped write.

"Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment."

"Yeah, that one."

"So what did people think of the book?"

"Apparently, a lot of them love it."

"Really?"

"Yeah…………interesting…"

"What, Fang?"

"There's a whole lot more on here then just stuff about how they liked the book."

"Such as…?"

"Here, you take a look."

Fang passed me the laptop. Hmm… I must say, I'm kind of flattered. A whole entire dang forum, dedicated to just me and my Flock. I smiled to myself. I clicked randomly through the forum called "Maximum Ride: General Information", pausing only on topics with titles that interested me. And annoyed me. And horrified me. And disgusted me…

My Mental List:

(The ones that interested me)

"Are Max and Ari siblings???" That's my question…

"The Max Lovers CLAN!!!" How flattering.

"Maximum Ride: Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports." Yup, that would be courtesy of me and good ole JP. I'll be signing autographs at noon.

"OMG Iggy goes to my school!" Hmm…last time I checked, he was sitting in front of the television, ever so slowly morphing into a coach potato…yeah, he's still there…

…by this point, Fang was bored with the forum, and he left to join Iggy, pigging out on junk…

…my list continues…

(The ones that annoyed me)

"Is Max big-headed?" Hey, that isn't very nice.

"Max stalker club." What the heck? I have stalkers?

"MAX IS BLONDE?!?!?!??!!??!" Dude. Chill. Does it really matter if I'm blonde or brunette or pink, or freaking bald

"Is it possible to fly?" Um...I don't know.

Lissa the RED HAIRED WONDER's Myspace??? Yeesh. Not that girl again. Hope Fang's not reading this…no, he's not.

(The ones that horrified me)

"Who want to kiss Max?" ……………

"what Fang REALLY thinks of Max (proof)" Wha-wha-what? Proof? What is wrong with these children?

Fang doesn't like me…I don't think…

"Should Max and Fang hook up?" Dude, people, STOP IT!!! What is with this obsession with me and Fang?

(…And…the two that made me feel like twitching…)

"Fang sounds HOT" ……………..

"Flock mating" ………………

While I was busy twitching, Fang looked over at me from where he was sitting on the couch. "Um Max, are you ok?"

"Yeah, sure, I'm fine" –twitch twitch–

He continued to look at me strangely, and only looked away when I glared at him. Busily shaking my head in order to rid it of the awful thoughts that were now whizzing around inside, I turned back to the forum. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. Max, why are you going back? Are you really that stupid? You've already been scarred once. It can happen again.

Well, after all, curiosity did kill the cat…or bird.

Skipping through the rest of the site at breakneck speeds, I wrote down a list of words that I didn't recognize…I'd have to ask Fang about it later, since he was, of course, the blog person around here. He should be able to understand all this weird computer talk.

My list of weird words:

lol

rofl

bff

omg

ttyl

jk

psh

…jeez these kids have bad grammar…

glomps

huggles

…what on earth are those?…

Fax (faxing machines? Why are there tons and tons of posts about faxing machines?)

Figgy

Miggy

Siggy

Mari

Nuggy

Fudge (I didn't think they were talking about chocolate…)

Wiggy

…an awful lot of "-iggy"s there…I wonder why…Again, much as I hate to ask Fang for help in anything, I'm dying to know what these are. Probably some hip, insiders terms for stuff on this forum.

I didn't read anything too carefully. I was going to be cautious this time…I didn't feel like having my brain explode from shock again. I quickly shut down the laptop, as soon as I heard the resounding crash, coming from the kitchen area, closely followed by squeals of glee and horror from Angel, Gazzy, and Nudge.

I handed the laptop to Fang, and headed off for the kitchen, already thinking about the mess I'd soon be cleaning up, glass most likely……..dang it.

Until tomorrow.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N: So…what did you guys think? Funny? Not funny? Just weird?

I used real topic titles from the forum, so all of those have been posted by people before. Don't credit me with making them up. Also, please note: If you read this, and I used one of the topics that you personally posted, please don't be offended. I'm just writing this from the perspective Max most likely would have taken. Please leave reviews with constructive criticism, and maybe some ideas on what you want to see happen in this fic (stuff like, do you want Iggy to learn about WingedforIggy? Or Max to learn about Shadow the Bird Kid? Remember, this is only funny if you're fairly familiar with the site…"

THANKS FOR READING!!!