Love by carino2

She missed the way his eyes sparkled when they settled on her face. She missed his warm voice and the words that always came out just right. His soft touch. The way he was always so gentle, though the undercurrents were rough.

She missed feeling needed.

It was too hard for her to swallow her sobs. She couldn't hold it in. Oh, God; oh, God.

"Jeb." The word came out sounded garbled as if she'd held it in for too long. Or maybe it was strangled, due to lack of oxygen. It seemed loath to leave once she'd spoken it, though; it hung heavily in the room and added another weight to her shoulders.

Silently she wept, hugging her knees to her chest and hiding her face behind her hair. She pressed her lips together so tightly it hurt. It was worth the pain. She had to keep his name from slipping out another time, dragging her emotions along with it. She didn't want to expose herself again. Hurt was all that ever came from love.

She felt Fang sit down beside her. He brushed her hair off her forehead the same way Jeb had done once upon a time. She shivered as felt the imprint of his hand there instead. No. She was wrong. This wasn't Jeb. He was gone forever. Fang's hand moved down Max's neck, massaging her just as he used to. That spot between her wings…

Suddenly, the sameness of everything was too much.

"Get away from me!"

If he stayed any longer, she wouldn't be able to keep it all inside. Fang would hate what he heard, though she had liked it so much. His presence also elicited other feelings, ones she kept repressed. Fear, repulsion, and an underlying sense of wrongness. She felt them whenever Fang gave her that searching look. He knew she was hiding something, but she'd never tell.

Our little secret. That's what he'd always said.

She jumped up and ran out of the house to keep from slipping up. These things had never been buried deep enough, and with the current circumstances, they were even closer to the surface. Her wings unfurled as she ran and lifted her up into the sky. Jeb, Jeb, Jeb. She wished she could follow him.

A glance back at the house showed Fang out in the yard, staring after her. The feelings of disgust rose again, and for a second, she considered going back to Fang and telling him. But no, a secret was a secret. Instead, she swept her wings up and down, hoping the acceleration would force her feelings back where they belonged. The wind pushed the confession down her throat, and she swallowed her emotions for good.

She didn't know if she loved or hated Jeb for what he'd done. She wasn't sure if he had been a good or bad person. She no longer saw the distinction between right and wrong.

All she knew was that she wanted him back.

A/N I know it's fairly short, but I hope you got a lot out of it anyways. For those of you who don't know it, this is actually closer to my favorite style of writing...short and angsty. It's actually the thing I've written for MR that I feel best about right now. There's sort of two meanings to this, and I honestly don't expect you guys to get the deeper one. It's sort of...messed up. So your brain might have to be pretty bad for you to understand it. It occured to me after I wrote this that it could be explaining why Max is finding it so hard to admit she loves Fang. It works with both meanings, obviously there's the "love always hurts" thing and then trauma. But I've said enough now, and kudos to you if you know what I'm getting at. Oh, and harsh crits always appreciated.