Love Sick by Bob Snickerdoodle

Category:Maximum Ride
Genre:Humor, Romance
Published:2010-12-21 22:38:21
Updated:2013-08-04 21:48:09
Packaged:2021-04-22 01:35:18
Summary:Iggy just wants to fall in love with Ella. But annoying flock members, evil scientists, and the fact that he's blind makes that kinda hard to happen. REALLY funny and easy to read! Very lovable. EGGY, FAX, LLAMAS. Yes. Llamas. :o

Table of Contents

1. Chapter 1 Prologue
2. Chapter 2
3. Chapter 3
4. Chapter 4
5. Chapter 5
6. Chapter 6

1. Chapter 1 Prologue

A/N: So this is taking place after FANG, but completely ignoring the part where Fang, you know, well, if you don't know I won't tell you, but it's not pretty. So this is all Iggy for you, which is good for all you Iggy fans and if you're not really an Iggy fan it's still really good. It's like a Max and Fang love story- just, since those two are already together, a different kind.

So enjoy.

Sick. Absolutely sick. That's how I feel right now. And, no, not just any kind of sick.

Not your average stomache flu, the agonizing pain that lasts 24 hours, and it's not your typical cough, either.

Nope I'm sick with the everlasting, painful, amazing, mortifying, confusing, absolutely horrible sickness of love.

Yup. That's right. I, Iggy, the pyro, the blind kid, the pervert in- well, not exactly in disguise- am lovesick. And I'm in love with a girl I'm never gonna get.

I mean, who falls in love with a pervert? I wouldn't. But, I mean, really, just because I make a few jokes here and there and bring a few strippers home every once in a while doesn't make completely perverted- does it?

Don't answer that.

Who falls in love with a pyro? I wouldn't. I could blow her head off in any given moment- and, even though there's no way in heck I'd do that- I wouldn't want to fall asleep at night knowing the person right next to me could blow off my head.

Who falls in love with a blind person? I wouldn't. We'd never be able to see the Grand Canyon together, and I'd never get to see the movies we'd go to see. I wouldn't want her to feel guilty every time we go to do something and then she realizes I can't. A girl wants to be told she's beautiful. And as beautiful as I know she is, I'll never be able to offer her that. I'd never get to tell her how her smile lights up my world, or how her hair flows like rain drops. Or how nice her wedding dress is or how adorable our kids are. I'll never be able to tell her that he eyes look like melting chocolate, or like crystals reflecting on a beautiful blue lake.

All I see is nothing, and that's exactly what I feel like right now.

Because who would fall in love with me?

Ella certainly wouldn't.

Prolog is finished and I officially don't know how to spell that word- so please tell me.

To tell you the truth, I have no idea how this is going to turn out, but I decided to write a whole list of COMEPLETELY random things to do, things to say and just plain things and it's my goal to add them all to my story. So should I post the listfor you guys and try to forfill my goal? Answer in a review and the first chapter will be up tomorrow!

2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two!

So I just learned what a turducken is the other day. You don't wanna know.

~Still Iggy POV~

I woke up with a start- and a gnawing pain in my stomach.

I groaned and wished that someone, some day, would just give me breakfast in bed so I didn't have to, you know, get up.

But unless I wanted burnt de la eggs or rat ala stick, I had to go make it myself.

You know, at first I absolutely loved making food. It impressed the Flock and I loved hearing their voices when they taste my creative concoctions. Now, I still love making food, but the Flock just takes it for granted and doesn't boast about it any more.

But either way- we all have a place in the Flock and mine's to cook food. How touching.

I slowly got up and out of bed a half an hour earlier than I knew the Flock would since the only thing that wakes them up is the smell of cooking food.

I grabbed some olive oil and bacon and eggs and cheese out of the pantry along with all sorts of other herbs and spices and prepared to make my traditional Igg Mc' Muffin. Creative name, right? I know. Don't mock me.

I took three large muffins for myself and ate them quickly. Best part of being a chef- free food. Even though you have to, you know, buy the food and cook the food. But that's besides the point. You know what, it's not even besides the point. It's scooted far away from the point. Well, not far, maybe it's just a couple millimeters. And then maybe a half of an inch. But maybe if you divide that by- you know what? Nevermind.

Soon enough the sounds of sleepy feet came pitter pattering down the hallways, down the stairs and into the kitchen where the Flock and Ella stared at me with expectant faces.

"What do you want?" I asked them.

They all answered with a roll of their eyes or a yawn, since they knew that I already knew what they wanted. Food.

"Well you guys are civilized people, mostly," I added. "Go get it yourselves."

They all gave a synchronized and melodramatic sigh and went to the cabinets to grab plates and stuff and food from the stove.

I sat down and nearly choked on a piece of egg when a sweet and beautiful voice told me, "These are delicious Igg."


Despite what people might tell you, being blind stinks. Especially when you're around the love of your life.

I tried to respond, but I was slightly choking on yolk.

"Righ-khem," I was about to respond when a piece of yellow mush came out of my mouth and, apparently, onto her shirt. I am just so smooth with the ladies, I know.

"AHH!" she shouted, knocking orange juice all over my lap.

"AHH!" I shouted, standing up and running to the counter to grab a towel. But before I could grab one a foot stuck out underneath me and I tripped right onto the floor, whacking a fruit bowl I had made for lunch.

I lied on the ground, wet, and looked up at the counter. The fruit bowl was wobbling back and forth and back and forth. Then, to my relief, it stopped right on the edge.

Mortified, I started to sit up when Gazzy yelled like a caveman and dived onto the counter. He slid across it and knocked the fruit salad all over my already wet body.

"Ugh..." I moaned, picking pieces of colorful fruit off of me.

Everyone was laughing, which didn't surprise me. But I was kind of shocked to hear the sweet sound of Ella's laughing illuminating the air. I had coughed up egg on her!

"I'm uh, sorry 'bout that Ella," I mumbled.

"It's okay," she responded between giggles.

It would have been a very awkward silence if it weren't for the laughter.

"I'm gonna go shower," I said, standing up.

"Try not to spill any food on yourself," Fang warned.

I rolled my sightless eyes at him and turned around dramaticly, almost not hearing Gazzy whisper something to Ella.

They laughed.

"WHAT?" I asked.

"You've got food on your butt," Max informed me.

"I know," I replied, even though I didn't, "I'm saving it for later."

I hopped up the stairs, closed the bathroom door, stripped of my clothes and hopped into the warm flowing water.

Have you ever been in the shower and just absent mindingly start singing songs that just happened to be on your mind? I have. Actually, I do it a lot.

Know one except Angel knows this, but, secretly, if I didn't have, you know, wings on my back, I'd want to be a singer. I know it's ambitious, but you never know. But what I do know is that if anyone, anyone, in the flock found out I'd be as good as dead.

I remember that day when Angel found out...


"So, Iggy," she probed, walking in the doorway. "You want to be a singer, huh?"

"WHAA?" I shouted, hitting my head on the top of the bunk Gazzy and I shared.

I looked around the room nervously to check if anyone was there.

"Don't worry," she said, "They're all out shopping."

"Oh," I said warily. "You're not gonna, you know, tell them, right?"

"Of course not," she answered with a typical angelic smile, "Considering you give me something in return..."

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

"You demon."

"I'd consider it... considerably evil genius."

"What do you want?"

"A doll collection."

"Oh, well... okay. What kind?"

"The Penny House Collection- all eighty two."


"Oh don't worry they're only $19.99 each!"

"I don't have that kind of money!"

"Oh I'm sure we could work something out..."

And with a little lawn mowing, weed picking, driveway shoveling and just a tad bit of manager-mind-convincing Angel got eighty flippin' two dolls and I got it certified that no one would ever find out about my dirty little secret.

Flashback End

So anyways, I found myself singing and, no, I was not singing High School Musical Songs contrary to what diaries of certain lovesick mutants (cough cough Fang) might believe- because they lie. I was singing a song I heard from Nudge's speakers (Skin & Bones I think it's called) and I couldn't help thinking about Ella. Oh, Ella.

"I know I'm nothin' but skin and bones, but I sure think you're beautiful! With your long, long hair and your big blue eyes! I've been thinking about making you mine toni-i-ight!" I sung as loud as your typical avian-bird-kid-with-a-dream-of-becoming-a-rock-star would because everyone was downstairs, and usually no one heard me singing.

I danced around, scrubbing still, and drew a heart on the fogged up glass. I smiled. Even though I couldn't see it, I knew it was there and exactly what it looked like.

That's when I froze, as still as dead.

Because I had heard the two worst sounds to hear when you're in a glass shower.

Evil snickering and the sound of a video camera turning off.

Poor Iggy.

Review review reivew review review review!

And maybe, just maybe, I'll let you pet my favorite pet rock.

Ah, who am I kidding? If you review I'll let you pet ALL of my pet rocks! XD

So review! You know you WANT to!

3. Chapter 3

I had an amazing Christmas and I saw my super duper cute cousins and they inspired me to put them in my story. Since I'm a few chapters ahead of you, you'll see them soon. Or read them soon, depending on how you look at it. Ha ha. Look at it. Get it? Ahh... well, I thought it was funny. Read on, young grasshoppers.

Quickly I shut off the water and jumped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around all of my good china.

I ran into the hallway and looked around for Gazzy and Fang, the only two that'd have the nerve to video tape me while I'm in the shower.

I ran into our room and they weren't there.

"GRR!" I shouted. There was no way anyone was seeing me naked on film.

I heard feet quickly come upstairs and I listened as Ella started to shout:
"Iggy what the heck is wr-" she stopped mid-sentence as she walked into the doorway.

At the same moment we noticed my outfit.

A towel.

I subconsciously combed my finger through my wet hair and gave a weak smile.

"I- uh, I'm practicing," I lied.

"For what?" she asked.

"I, uhm, I got a job as a towel model. Yeah, towel model," I mentally slapped myself too, dear readers.

"Okay then..."

I could feel her face turning redder and redder, most likely matching mine perfectly. Aww, how adorable. We make a perfect couple of oompa loompas.

"I'm gonna, you know, get dressed," I mumbled.

"Yeah," she said, then she added, "You know, I totally forgive you about that egg thing."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I mean I didn't really like that shirt anyways."

"Oh, well that's good."

"And I know how hard it is for you to eat eggs. I'm surprised you even got as much down as you did."

"What are you-"

"Don't worry, Iggy. Everyone has problems."

And she walked away while I stared after her general direction with a mix of confusion from her sudden apology about my "problem", a mix of mortification since she had just seen me in nothing but a towel, and a mix of love since I love her so much. :)

I groaned and flopped onto the bed. Why were girls so confusing?

"Ah, Iggy!" Gazzy shouted, and I realized my towel had fell off for a second.

What are the odds that Gazzy comes in at that exact second?

Well, with my luck, about 100%.

"You like that Gaz?" I probed.

"As much as I like seeing you talk to Ella," he jabbed as I tied my towel back up and rolled over. "I mean seriously dude, it's just sad."

"And how many girlfriends have you had?" I asked.


"What do you want?"

"Max called a family meeting. You coming?"

"Yeah," I answered, standing up.

Fang walked past the room, then did a double take and looked back.

"What's the plan, Iggy?" he asked. "Want to put on another show for the girls at the family meeting?"

"I'm putting on clothes, I'm putting on clothes," I told him.

Soon enough we were all sitting in a circle in the family room, fully clothed too.

"So," Max started. "I've been thinking..."

Oh it's never good when Max starts out a sentence like that.

"It's the holiday season- snow on the ground, Christmas just around the corner... I think maybe we could have a normal Christmas, like every other family in the world."

Nudge yelped in excitement, Gazzy and I groaned, and I assumed that Angel and Ella just smiled. And Fang was probably making out with Max as far as I knew.

"There's a new-ish mall close to Ella's school, filled with open positions, we could all get jobs and earn some money to buy presents."

"Right," Gazzy rebutted, "Because Victoria's Secret loves to hire nine year old boys."

"Oh," Max mumbled. Clearly she hadn't thought about that.

"It's okay," Fang quickly said, "If we can't get a job at the mall there's always driveways to shovel, babies to sit, dogs to watch and newspapers to deliver."

"Right!" Max agreed.

"So... you want us to work our butts off just so we can buy presents for you?" I asked, confused.

"Well," Max said, offended, "I thought you guys would enjoy a normal holiday. Apparently not."

"No!" Nudge exclaimed, "That's a wonderful idea, Max! Iggy's just a lazy butt and doesn't want to work to have a happy family."

"Right," I countered, "That's me. After fighting blood thirsty Erasers and all sorts of other robot concoctions made to destroy us, there's no way that I work to have a happy family."

"Cool, then," Ella decided, "He's in. I am, too. It sounds like fun and Mom can lend us some money if we really need it."

I could feel her eyes burning my skull.

"Awesome!" Gazzy shouted, "And I know exactly what to give Iggy."

"Is it explosive?" Max asked.


"Is it inapropriate."

"Of course."

"Is it dangerous?"


"Wow. Sounds like the perfect Iggy gift."

I nodded up and down like an idiot, then realized how stupid that must've looked and sat back, keeping my eyes low.

"I'll make the Christmas cards," Angel declared.

"I'll help!" Nudge exclaimed.

"Why do we need Christmas cards?" Max asked. "Sorry to break it to you, but we don't have many friends around... anywhere except for a few scientists who want to inject us with poison and run us around like lab monkeys."

"Nice Christmas spirit, Max," I complimented her.

She didn't say anything which probably meant I had another tally mark on my notebook of how many times girls have glared at me today. Like I said, I'm a lady killer.

"Everyone has Christmas cards, Max," Nudge explained like it was the simplest concept in the world. I'm sure someone other than us isn't sending out Christmas cards, though. I mean, there's the, you know, criminals, in jail. I mean, who wants a Christmas card from them? I can picture it now,

Hey, thanks for being part of ruining my life. Having a Merry F****** Christmas.

And then there's those mothers that have eighty-seven-thousand kids and tries all day to get one good picture of them...

"Bobby, smile. No not like an idiot. Joey stop whacking your sister. Emily don't hit him back. Alex why in the world are you biting Jackson's leg? Jackson! Are you feeling okay? You look like you're going to throw up can I get you a- oh no. Emily could you grab a towel? Carly! Don't grab Emily's leg! Now you go get a towel Carly! What do you mean why? Can't you see what's all over the floor? Bobby that's not food! Stop it! Bobby! Stop it! Joey! No, just because he was going to eat it doesn't not give you permission to punch him in the gut. Now what if he- oh jeez. Could we all just smile and pretend to be a happy, loving, fa- WHERE ARE YOU ALL GOING?"

I glanced up at Dr. Martinez who was watching us from the kitchen. I don't know how she does it, watching us all, but I wouldn't pay a million dollars to do what she does.

"Well, there's no way I'm going to make Christmas cards," I said standing up like the cool person I secretly was.

"I'll help make them," Ella declared. Of course she will. "I love making Christmas cards and I have tons of friends I can send them to."

"Hear that Iggy?" Fang asked. Remind me to blow him up later.

"Yes, yes I did Fang. I'm only blind, not deaf too."

"I can picture the cards now," Angel told us, then she read us her vision, "Merry Christmas, from the Martinez family and friends."

Then, out of nowhere (or maybe somewhere but how would I know, really?) a voice, a voice I thought I'd never hear again, interrupted Angel's bask of Christmas-card-glory.

"Perfect," it said.

Who is it? Who do we know? Do we know? Could it be part of the Flock's past- or part of Iggy's? Guess we'll find out in the next chapter... You know, if I get at least five reviews... And I'll post as soon as I do!

4. Chapter 4

A/N: So we all know this chapter is late, but, hey, at least it's not GONE. Am I right, or am I right?

And, I had this story written until about chapter 10 when I realized I forgot about something REALLY important, and so now I'm back at swuare one. Or, four, I guess.

Either way, enjoy!

This chapter is more action for those of you that like that.

We all whipped our heads around to the sound of Ari's voice.

"What are you?" Max spat, certainly shocked, but tried to hide it.

What was Ari doing here? I thought he was dead! Sometimes dead people can be so confusing.

"I'm Ari," Ari replied, "Your brother."

"You're not my brother you dorkus," Max informed him, "You're made completely out of metal and wires and plastic. I can literally see wires jetting out of your square torso."

Oh. So maybe it wasn't Ari. This was one of the many misfortunes of being blind. At least I wasn't a mouse, though. And there weren't three of me. Singing. But being a teenage-winged-muant wasn't a day in the park either.

"I do not think you understand," replied the robot, ignoring Max's comment, "I will explain on the way there."

"On the way there?" Max asked. "Where is there?"

"I cannot tell you until later times," the robot told her simply.

Ha. If that robot thought he could get Max to follow him to a mysterious place for no given reason while looking like a robot then he was sadly, sadly mistaken.

What I wanted to know was that, even though this was a robot, how did it have Ari's voice? I mean, robots usually sound like... you know, robots. Not like dead people.

Max probably gave the flock a look since Gazzy tapped my fist with two fingers, "Don't trust him/ her/ these people."

Right, because these people sound like they just want to skip through meadows of happy yellow flowers sipping apple juice. Heck- they weren't even people! Of course I wasn't going to trust them.

I tensed, then I remembered something. Ella! Was she still in the room?

"We are not going anywhere with you," Max told him, "So I suggest that you leave before your wiry intestines end up staining our carpet."

The robot said nothing. But then we heard the sounds of buzzing, window crashing and screaming.

At first I assumed that a swarm of bees had crashed into our house and took Ella hostage, but when I heard robot voices (real robot voices. Like: I. Am. A. Ro. Bot.) I figured out that robots had just crashed into our house and everyone was screaming.

I don't know how we were going to explain this to the cleaning ladies.

I waited for Max's U&A call, but it never came.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING?" I exclaimed.

"Iggy, shut up!" the flock demanded. Sure, tell the blind kid to shut up- especially at a time of pure chaos.

Once all of the noises died down, so that all that could be heard was feint whimpering, I heard a human voice say something.

"One false move, and the girl dies."

I closed my eyes, though it wouldn't have made a difference. I didn't have to ask. I already knew. The girls was Ella. Who else would they have been able to grab? I just didn't know how they were planning on killing her. Bombs? Gun? Sword? I mean, no one uses swords anymore. A little sword action would be nice, you know? Next time you see a mad murdering evil scientist be sure to tell them that, 'kay?

"Put her down," I demanded... at the exact same time at the rest of the Flock. You know, it's tough to be some sort of heroic knight who says amazingly romantic lines when five other people are saying the same exact thing.

"Follow us, and you'll get your friend back," the voice responded, a man's voice, somewhere in the 30, 40's range, probably ugly and single.

They couldn't have taken Ella. I- I... I didn't know what I'd do without her. We had to go to where ever they wanted us to. There was no way we were putting Ella at risk.

"We'll go," I said.

I could feel the rest of the Flock looking at me.

"Since when do you call the shots?" Max asked, skeptical. Then she continued, leaving me no time to answer, which was good because I didn't have one. "But, yeah, we'll go. As long as you promise to leave her here."

Max was probably lying about the going part. She'll probably just save Ella and run away. It's a Max thing she does.

"I promise," the man said. I could hear his satisfied smile through his voice.

"Good," Max replied, not backing down, "Now where are we going?"

"Well... it might seem a little... foreign, to say the least. But since you can fly, we chose you to be our exp- I mean, our brave soldiers. First voyagers."

"To where," Max persisted, probably cringing at the fact that these people wanted to use us as experiments again.

The man probably smirked and then I heard him snap his fingers.

"ELLA!" everyone cried. Well, everyone but me.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" I cried. What happened to Ella? Did they kill her? Did she kick one of them? Did she randomly sprout antlers and was denting the ceiling with them? What was going on?

"She just... vanished," I heard Nudge muse, "Into thin air."


I squealed. How could she have vanished?

"Iggy..." Fang asked me slowly, "Did you just squeal?"

My eyes bulged. Of course I just squealed. Not once- not just once could I ever seem manly.

"Only true men squeal," I responded, knowing perfectly well that that comment in no way redeemed myself.

"Shut up," the man told us. Feisty. "Now, you were wondering where we are going, am I correct?"

"You said you'd leave her here," Max said.

"I lied," the man told her. "I know how you work, Maximum, and there's no way you would have gone before. But now that you're friend has been teleported to our destination, I see no reason in which you shouldn't go."

"I could list plenty," Max told him.

"But you care about your sister too much, am I correct?" he asked.

Max didn't respond.

"That's what I thought," he said.

"Last time," Max told him, "Where. Are. We. Going?"

"We," the man responded, "Are going to Mars."

A/N: Cue ominous music.

So REVIEW! And maybe I won't send space aliens to come destory your house.



5. Chapter 5


Well, my story is. But same dif. Is that a word? It should be. Well, no, actually, it sounds like a brand of cheese dip. Like, switch the p with an f. I saw bacon-cheese-dip once. I shall call it DIF from this point forward. And, by the way, if you ever do try DIF (which we now decided is bacon-cheese-dip, remember?) don't. It's HORRIBLE. Take it from someone who knows...

Anyways on the... disclaimer. :o Except I'm going to have Jeb's friend, Jack, read it for me. Go ahead, Jack.

Jack: I am now disclaiming. This is exciting. Wow. I'm just so... honored, I'm lost for words. I actually forgot why I'm here. Oh, right, disclaiming. Which means to dis-claim. Yes. Right. Okay, so, Amanda (author of this story here), does not own all these characters. Except for me. Now she's telling me that I don't even count because I'm not important. Well you know what? If I'm so not important I'm just going to sit here and not disclaim ANYTHING. Ha! Take that Amanda. I SHALL SIT HERE AND RANDOMLY TALK FOR HOURS AND HOURS AND- OW!

Okay, guys, I punched him.

Forget about Jack now.

I don't own Maximum Ride or Iggy or any of the characters in this story.

Enjoy :)

"What?" we all exclaimed. Mars? MARS? My future girlfriend was on Mars?

"Not the planet," he explained, "The company."

"Oh..." Angel said. "I've heard about them..."

"Me too!" said Gazzy, "Don't they make M&M's? I love those things!"

"Not that," Angel told him, "He's talking about M-A-R-S. Mutants Accustomed to Radioactive Substances."

"Yeah, Gazzy, everyone knows that," I told him, feeling the Flock glare at me. Oh how I enjoy making them upset.

"Now," the man continued, "Unless you want your friend to be released to radioactive substances, I suggest you follow me. Do you comprehend?"

"I understand perfectly," Max said. "Now, how are we supposed to get there?"

"We have cage- I mean, nice little... uh, personalized jets. Made especially to, uh, remind you of your... childhood."

"Oh," Max said, fake sincerely. "Well, as pleasant as that sounds, I think I'll pass."

Then I listened as a jaw cracked, a bone broke and a man screamed like a little girl. It was go time.

The Flock and I started to punch, kick and, in case of extreme measures, bite all sorts of insane robots.

I went after my first one and kicked straight out. When I nailed him in the gut I spun around and roundhouse-kicked him, then elbowed his head. He took a blow at me, but I ducked just in time, sweeping an arm out, causing him to fall over, demolished.

As I was smiling at my accomplishment, a hard, heavy fist took a jab at my gut.

I coughed and fell backwards, clutching my gut in pain.

"IGGY!" Angel called.

"I'm fine!" I lied, "Keep fighting!"

Man, why did that hurt so much? These robots must be on steroids or something.

Pain is just a message, pain is just a message.

Then I had an idea that would have made Einstein proud.

I jumped up and ran to the kitchen. I grabbed to neck of the sink and pulled it out. I turned the water on full blast and turned the "heat" nob all the way up.

A while ago Gazzy had shot water at Fang with these settings and apparently Fang had a nasty, bloody cut, then bruise, on his arm for months. And that's including our super-speed healing. It makes you wonder what kind of plumber would even make that possible, but they must've been pretty demented.

I aimed the head of the sink back into the living room. It was time to demolish some robots.

"EVERYBODY DUCK!" I shouted.

Trusting that my flock would listen to me (being a pyro, when I say duck, you duck) I pulled out the nob and shot the water across the room.

And so, in a matter of time we had a house full of bubbling robot parts, wires and goop. This would be quite an issue in Good Housekeeping.

Everyone looked around for the man when we heard a rumbling from outside.

"I'LL BE BACK MAXIMUM RIDE!" the man called from (I later figured this out) a private jet he was flying away in, "AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!"

We all stared after him. Well, except me. I just looked in the general direction of the rumbling. I think.

I kinda felt like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. You know, with the Wicked Witch of the West? Just without the dress and braids and girl parts. It was not a good feeling.


I felt Angel staring at me from across the room like I was a creep.

Note to self: Don't feel like Dorothy from Wizard of Oz in front of a mind reader.

It creeps them out.

"Well," Max said, "I guess we better find out where this Mars thing is. And what it's being used for. And what radioactive substances are."

"Are you going to suggest we reopen Max's School?" I groaned. "That was so boring!"

Oh, God. I sound like a little girl.

This was not going to mix well with the Dorothy thing.

"It couldn't hurt," Max said, shrugging her shoulders, probably glaring at me. Don't ask how I know.

"I trust you," Fang told her, "I'll always trust you."

Excuse me while I puke.

So for the next couple of hours we all hit the books. I was supposed to do all the research on radioactive material. Apparently radioactive substances = not good. If you get near them, and they get into your system, they totally mess up your cells and manipulate them to make something harmful for your body. Then these harmful cells reproduce so you have even more harmful cells. Like cancer! Or maybe it is cancer. I don't really know. But, either way it was not good to get near them. You needed to have about 10 layers of stuff on to just touch them.

When we all collaborated to share, I told the Flock my findings.

"Wow, Iggy," Fang complimented me, "I didn't know you were capable of researching anything but Ella's closet."

"Well, young grasshopper, I'm also capable of blowing you up. So keep your distance. Which you should do anyways because you smell like dead robot" I told him.

"That's because there's dead robot everywhere, Iggy," Nudge told me.

Thanks, Nudge, because I just completely forgot about the major incident that happened an hour ago.

"So now we know what that is," Max said, changing the subject, "That's a start. I also figured out what the M-A-R-S thing is. Apparently it's where scientists are training mutants to handle this radioactive material. Maybe even make them made out of it, or breathe it, like a dragon!" (Max had just finished a fantasy movie craze. Don't ask.) "They're killing all sorts of innocent mutants that have to be saved. The only problem is, that if they do make what they're trying to create, it will be very dangerous. For us, and the world."

"Great," I said, "And that's where the love of my- I mean, Max's sister is being held. We have to save Ella."

"I know Iggy," Max said, "Pack your bags everyone. We're going on a road trip."

A road trip to He-

I mean, Mc. Donald's.

Har, har, har.

(aka Hillbilly laugh)


Haley is my friend. She is a spinja.

Like me.



Which might scare you.

But you won't ever forget it at least.

My friends say I dance like an elephant.


But I do dance like an elephant.

Anyways, I'm getting carried away.

Wow, this kinda looks like a poem.

Thou shalt buy cookies today.


Okay, so review!

I will love you forever!




So bye and stuff.

6. Chapter 6

So this is literally the shortest chapter ever. But it's been awhile and I want to get this particular section up as soon as possible.

Happy summer, loves. Hope you guys spent it outside and not staring at your computer eating goldfish and listening the the Beatles in your snuggie. Not like I did that or anything...

Please read, enjoy, and review.

Imagine walking into a dark room, turning on a giant fan, and hurdling yourself into the air. That's what it feels like to fly when you're Iggy.

Now, granted, when I throw myself in the air, I stay there. It's a side effect of these massive lumps of feather that sit on my back. They're for more than just extreme beauty, you know.

It's peaceful, really. Flying. So calming, and relaxing, the wind in your luscious hair, the sun on your back, the sky at your-


I hurdled violently forward as 90 pounds of irritating came flying into me.

"Gaz," I angrily wheezed, "I swear, if you say to me that you accidentally flew into me I will light your hair on fire while you sleep. And don't use the blind excuse, because that's already taken."

"I did it on purpose," the child declared proudly.

I considered fighting him back. I wondered what my anger-management teacher would say. Then I remembered I never had an anger-management teacher, nor cared for one, and decided to beat up one of my closest friends.

Knowing he was directly behind me, I stopped suddenly, and kicked a foot back, kicking him straight where it counts.

"Then that was on accident," I informed him as he whimpered.

Henceforth, constructive battle practice ensued between Gaz and I. Or, as Max would call it, "ridiculous stupid behavior of two classified idiots." She also happened to inform me that the excuse "he started it" was not valid.

Oh, I'm sorry. Was she not the one who taught us to fight like an insane sumo wrestler at a moment's hesitation? Hmm. I must have had her confused with another blonde haired psychopath.

I realized three fourths of the way through that I had no idea where I was going. I had put all my trust into my flock, following them blindly. Pun intended. I could tell we were traveling far, and considering the danger of radioactive material, it made sense. Though, it was beginning to get quite cold, and I wished I had worn a jacket.

Note to self: When flying to retrieve secret love whom is trapped in a radioactive facility, bring jacket. Of course, this only applies if you happen to be flying via wings.

"Max," called a voice of a small fashionista, "I'm hungry. We've been flying for, like, ever, and I forgot to eat breakfast because we were in SUCH a rush, you know? And the food was all crushed and gross and I know you guys don't care but I-"

"Okay!" Max interrupted, "Okay Nudge. We'll stop for food. Igg, you smell anything deep fried nearby?"

Now that's not a question you hear every day. Note, I said you. I, however, hear that question quite frequently. Whether it's because I'm blind, or whether it's because the scientists decided to screw with all of my senses, I have a magnificent sense of smell. I can smell things from miles away. Dog poop, fresh flowers, baking cookies, Ella's vanilla scented perfume and strawberry shampoo and the way her hair smells right after she showers and… where was I? Right- I also can smell fast food like it's my profession.

Using my super-sniffer I quickly picked up the scent of grease, fat, and deliciousness.

"There's a Mickey D's 2 and a half miles west," I answer.

"Even when he can't cook, he finds the food," Fang notes.

"Damn right my friend," I agree, "Like how even when I can't see, I know I'm one sexy mutant."

"One of the sexiest I've ever laid my eyes on," Fang replied, and I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Who's the sexiest, Fang?" Angel asked, fake innocently.

By the lack of response, I could only assume the dark haired fellow replied with a glare, or a glance in Max's direction.

"There're 'dem golden arches I've always dream about," murmured Gazzy, stating that we've arrived.

"Let's head down," Max ordered, like any of us needed motivation.


I know, MAJOR cliff hanger. I can barely keep myself from peeing my pants!

Ope. Too late.

Review- for the epic tale of: what happens in McDonalds.