Iggy goes to Walmart by ChocolateMilk2

Category:Maximum Ride
Genre:Friendship, Humor
Characters:Gazzy/The Gasman, Iggy
Published:2010-02-17 20:39:34
Updated:2010-02-17 20:39:34
Packaged:2021-05-07 02:28:26
Summary:...and discovers that blindless does indeed have its downsides. MR2 crack, you have been warned.

Iggy goes to Walmart

Oh man was it awkward.

Everything was silent and everyone was looking at him. He could just hear it.

Why had he chosen to go through with this?

He should've just asked Fang to go with him. Or Gazzy. Nudge. Someone, anyone.

"Uhh, you sure you want that particular underwear?" The clerk asked him again.


"Posi… tively?"

"Well I picked it off the rack, didn't I?" Iggy was starting to loose his patience. What was wrong with it? It felt normal, like didn't seem to have any frill or lace, and when he'd tried it on in the fitting room it seemed the right size.

"The customer knows best I guess." He heard a throat being cleared. "That'll be $6.50, sir."

"Yeah, yeah." Iggy paid the cash, - he had all the notes in his wallets ordered by size) - got his change, grabbed his bag and took off, still acutely aware of the hushed voices around him. He worried.

And having got out of the shopping centre, Iggy took a taxi back home-- but it smelt and the driver kept giggling. Was it him, Iggy wondered? Were the contents of his shopping bag really that alarming? Was the cabman insane? Was he high?

He moved to pay the driver, but when the note wasn't removed from his hand, just got out. There was familiar gravel underfoot, he was at the street corner he'd requested at least. The taxi drove off, Iggy started to walk.

Once on the home stretch, Iggy broke into a run, bursting through the house doors. He bounded up the stairs, giving barely a rushed greeting to a startled Anne Walker. Gazzy was in his room playing a videogame that sounded suspiciously like Super Mario.

"Woaah dude, what's the fuss?"

"Gazzy," Iggy panted, "You gotta tell me what's wrong with these underwear. Are they hot pink? Do they have lacy lining? Skid marks? I have to know."

Iggy felt the bag being taken out of his hands, and bit his lip at the rustle of plastic. Gazzy started to laugh.

"What? What's wrong with them?"

He didn't stop laughing. "Nothing, just just—oh my god, Ig. Maaaannnn."


"Okay, okay, just… Give me a second." Gazzy waited for his chuckles to die away before he spoke again. "Ig, these are your underwear."

"Well yeah, I just bought them. I -"

"No no, shut up. I mean, these are your underwear, the old pair Max's been hassling you about replacing. The school ones with the hole in the crotch, that got in with the reds that one laundry day… And Fang's 'message' on the elastic…" Gazzy broke into giggles again. "They looked so official in the bag. Real designer stuff you got there."

"Oh god." Iggy put his face in his hands. He knew it. He just knew this was going to happen. He shouldn't have gone by himself, but… Damn. And Walmart was a pretty crowded store. What if someone he knew was there? What if… What if Tess was there?

He didn't even want to imagine.

How?, he wondered to himself. How had this happened? Well, he guessed that one was easy enough to answer. They must've got mixed up when Iggy was trying the store pair on. But, but the clerk… How had he not commented on the lack of tag? Maybe it happened a lot, or something. He had spent awhile typing on his computer thing.

But wouldn't they have not sold something in that condition? At least commented?

Mmm, then again it was Walmart….

He was brought out of his thoughts by surreptitious giggles.

"It's not funny, Gazz!" He shrieked. "This is utterly HUMILIATING. I'm never going to be able to show my face in the store again. Heaven only knows what the elderly woman next to me was thinking…"

Why? He continued wondering.

"Next time dude, go with the boxers." And Gazzy cracked up all over again.