I Never Did That! by flYegurl

Category:Maximum Ride
Genre:Humor, Parody
Published:2010-12-08 15:24:09
Updated:2010-12-08 15:24:09
Packaged:2021-04-22 01:14:51
Summary:When Fang finds a link to a website called Fanfiction on a comment on his blog, he follows it to a series of... interesting stories. Iggy torture ensues. Does anyone ever wonder why Iggy has been paired with almost every character in the MR universe?

I Never Did That!

"Right," Fang said, flipping through the comments on his blog. "Trash, trash, trash, lies, garbage, lies, trash, trash…"

"Will you be quiet? Don't say that out loud, it's annoying," Iggy complained from his seat on the couch. Fang was sitting on the big, comfy armchair opposite him, and Max was sitting next to Iggy, not doing anything in particular.

"Sush, I'm looking through the comments…"

"I know," Iggy drawled. "What, did you think I was badgering Max about her incessant prattling? She's not even talking, and you're the only other one in the room!"

"Junk, trash, lies, garbage, fan mail, junk, lies… ah, this looks interesting…"

There was a long pause as Fang apparently read something.

"Hey, Iggs, I didn't know you could make soufflé," he suddenly said. Iggy jutted out his chin, and Max drew herself into the conversation.

"Of course I can! I've made it before!"

"Really? What about crêpes?"

"Crêpes are easy, dumbass."

There was another long pause as Fang read some more.

"What are you two going on about?" Max asked.

"Hmm… Figgy…" Fang muttered to himself, an incredulous expression on his face.

"Yeah, figgy! Whatever that is, I can make it perfectly, too," Iggy said, and Fang burst out laughing.

Iggy sat up straight.

"What? What? I could! I know I could! Just tell me how, and I could do it perfectly!" he protested indignantly, but Fang just sat on his chair, laughing so hard at Iggy's comments that the laptop was almost falling off his lap.

"What is it?" Max asked, annoyed, standing and going over to Fang to look at what he was laughing about. She read a couple lines, then looked at Fang, and back at Iggy.


"Come on! You guys! What are you talking about? Blind guy here, gotta be told these things…"

"Aw, Iggy, don't worry," Fang said between laughs and gasps for breath. "It's what makes you sexy."

Iggy's eyes widened, and he looked, if possible, even more confused. Max suddenly realized what Fang thought was so funny, and a laugh worked its way through her lips. She looked up at Iggy and grinned.

Iggy sighed and sat back.

"I don't know what you guys are playing at, but…"

Max's eyes roved across the computer screen, and suddenly her mouth dropped open.

"Iggy! I never knew you did a strip-tease for Fang!"

Iggy's mouth gaped, opening and closing like a fish. The poor boy had no idea what was going on.


"Sorry, but I'm actually not into you," Fang said, managing to keep his tone serious. "I'm totally not gay."

"What are you…"

"Hey, look!" Max suddenly spoke, pointing at the screen. "Gosh, Iggy! You also kissed me? And Nudge? And Ella? And… Gazzy? And… Angel? You're a freaking pervert!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" Iggy protested, looking panicked and confused, raising his hands in front of him. "I never did any of that!"

Max clucked her tongue and shook her head, looking towards Iggy in mock-horror.

"It says so, right here," Fang said, gesturing wildly at the computer screen. "And the internet knows all!"

"Wait… hey Fang," Max said, a smirk growing wide on her face as she flipped back to a previous page, once again finding humor in what she was reading. "When Iggy strip-teased for you, it says you liked it.

Fang's mouth open and closed, like a fish, gulping for water. Then, Max took the computer from him – he was too shocked to react – and began to look at it.

"Hmm… well, apparently at one point or another, Iggy has been sexually active with Angel, Nudge, Ella, Dylan, Max II, Fang, Gazzy, Ari, Jeb, and me. And you've had a crush on my mom? And… Total. I don't even want to know how that happened."

"I never did that..!" Iggy started, protesting, but Max interrupted.

"It says right here that you did, Iggy. In… graphic detail."

Iggy still had no idea what the freaking heck was going on.

Fang held back a laugh at his freaked expression, but Max stifled it pretty quick.

"And Fang! We'll have a talk later about sneaking in and watching Iggy while he showers."

Then she shut the computer and, with a large smile on her face, walked briskly from the room, leaving Fang mortified, and Iggy in a state of shock.

As she began to walk up the stairs, back from the room she heard Iggy suddenly speak up and say something.

"You… watched me while I showered..?"

Ah. Right now, that Fanfiction website was her very favorite one.

I just wanted to write that. It seems there are quite a few fics about the flock discovering fanfiction… I wanted to join their numbers. By the way, the Figgy references were from a fic called 'The Twists and Turns of Love'.