Getting Better by Ashily

Title: Getting Better

Author: Mercy Me It's Ashley

Summary: When Max files for divorce, Fang can't seem to cope, at least, not without some help.

Rating: PG13 for implied homosexual/bisexual relations, language, and suicidal thoughts.

Pairing: Iggy/Fang, slash, and one-sided Fang/Max

WARNING: Yes, two males are going to engage in romantic activities. You have been forewarned. Any anti-slash flamers will be met with my personal wrath.

Disclaimer: MaxRide is James Patterson's, but I have temporarily clubbed him over the head and stolen the characters for my own amusement. Just don't tell anyone, okay?

AU: Ten years after SOF.

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Getting Better

Chapter I: The Three Ds of Adult Life

Iggy says he's worried about me.

And I have to admit, he might have a right to be.

Two weeks ago, Max and I had a fight- not out of the normal. But,then I threw myself out the window, what the doctors called a "suicide attempt". They say they're worried about what I might do, they say I should start talking to someone. But I don't want to. I'm not crazy, I just have a bad marriage. Most people do.

Now, Max wants a divorce from this bad marriage. But I don't blame her, I've been wanting to file for months. Years even. I never thought she'd file though, it always seemed like she'd been more willing to give it a shot than me.

But, it's not like I'm complaining. Really. I couldn't care less if she divorced me. Doesn't matter at all.

I just don't care anymore.

Iggy says he doesn't believe me.

I told him to shut up.

Iggy says he wants to move closer.

I shrugged, then I realized we were on the phone, and I told him that would be okay.

He says he'll call me tomorrow and tell me what happens.

I say good bye and hang up.

I pick up a glass of rum and coke and drag myself into our bedroom. Her bedroom. These days I sleep on the couch, not 'cause she kicked me out, but because I didn't want to sleep there anymore. She'd decorated the room, all her stuff was in there, it wasn't mine, never was and never will be. And as for sex? I've got my hand.

I take a small orange bottle out of my pocket, lithium. It's what the doctors prescribed to go with my Zoloft after the fall.

Cause it wasn't a suicide attempt, it was a fall.

I tell myself I need to stop thinking about it, just take my pills and then a nap.

So I pop open the lid and pour a small pile of white into my palm. I put two in my mouth and wash it down with rum and coke. More rum than anything. Actually, it's pretty much just rum. And some vodka. Rum and vodka.

I lay down on the bed, more like collapse onto it. I want to sleep, I want to sleep for a long, long time, and maybe not even wake up. Because when I do, Max'll be there. And she'll have the papers, and I'll have to sign them cause I want to get out of this damn hell hole. But then I'll have to drink, because otherwise I'll never get back to sleep, and then I'll have to take more pills and-

I take a deep breath, realizing I've gone completely overboard.

But I also realize how sad it is. The three Ds are not in fact, determination, drive and desire. (Or something like that.) But actually are drinking, depression and divorce. If sleeping started with a D, then there'd be four. Or if I had a thesaurus.

And let's face it, that's just plain sad.

Chapter II: Inhuman and Irrational

Max brought home the papers today.

I signed them, just like she asked.

She wants me to move out, she says she paid for most of the house anyways.

I know she's right, but I didn't say that.

Iggy called, but Max got the phone first, and she took it into her bedroom and they talked for nearly an hour. Actually, fifty-seven minutes and nineteen seconds. I counted. I even started to play a drinking game. Every time she checked to see if the door was closed, I took a shot. I got drunk pretty fast.

She says I drink too much.

I told her she talks too much.

She handed me the phone, and walked away.

Now Iggy wants me to move in with him.

I think I want to too. The house isn't mine anymore, it's hers. I tell him so.

He laughs awkwardly, then asks me when I can.

I tell him maybe this weekend.

He says that would be good.

I say hmm, and he says the same.

We say goodbye and hang up.

I'm starting to think Iggy's my mother. Probably better than my mother was, probably better than she is. Iggy would make a good mother, really. If he wasn't a dude. But he's too nice to be a dad. Maybe he takes hormones and I just don't know it.

No, that's irrational.

That's the word the doctors used. They say I have irrational though patterns. I told them I thought so too. But inside I wonder if they're just telling me that so they can go to sleep at night. I think so.

No, that's irrational too.

Max likes to tell me how irrational I am. She has another word too, inhuman. She likes that word a lot. That and the name "Mike".

She's always talking about her boss. The principal at her school. Mike. She talks to him on the phone a lot too. I think she's having an affair.

But I can hear her voice in my head. That's irrational. I'm being inhuman.

I take a shot, she's talking to Mike again, and she just checked the door.

You know what? Fuck her.

Chapter III: When Angels Die

Max just left. I think she went with Mike. And I'm not being irrational either. She left right after he called. Well, no. First, she locked herself in the bathroom for fifteen minutes, sixteen seconds. When she came out, she'd curled her hair, put on a dress and done her makeup. She never does that for me. So, why would she do it now?

She said goodbye, but no "I Love You".

I think I want a drink.

And Iggy.

Mostly Iggy.

And I drank all the alcohol, so I call him.

He picks up on the first ring.

He asks what's wrong before I even say anything.

I sigh, and tell him it's Max.

He sighs and asks me why I don't move in with him today.

I tell him... I tell him there is no reason why not.

He says Alice can drive him over now. I don't know who Alice is, but I don't like her.

So I tell him I can drive myself.

He sighs and asks why I'm so stubborn.

I sigh and tell him I'll be there in half an hour.

I tell him I love him and hang up before he can say anything else.

I don't know why I said that, but I did. Maybe to make up for Max not saying it, or for me not saying it to her. But either way, I said it, and I think I meant it. Well, otherwise I probably wouldn't have said it. Then again, I've told Max I loved her and not meant it.

It's now I realize I'm being irrational.

So I calm myself down, get dressed, grab my wallet and get in the car. Before I start the car, I take a deep breath, and I ask myself if I really want to do this. Then I realize that I do. I want to move in with Iggy, and out with Max.

I laugh to myself as I make a right turn, 'cause I'm starting to think I'm in love with Iggy. Yeah, right.

Chapter IV: Breaking Through

I don't think I can drive now.

I've had more glasses of beer than I can count, and people are starting to stare. Especially the bartender, he looks like he's worried about me. In fact, I can see that he looks really worried as he walks over to clear my last glass. He asks if I have a ride home.

I smile and nod, even though I don't. I figure I can call Max and she'll take me home. 'Cause she does that a lot, picking me up when I'm too smashed to drive. Then again... maybe she won't. Maybe she's out with Mike and she doesn't want to be bothered by me and our failed marriage.

And then, I tense up, 'cause I hear her voice right behind me, and she's laughing, like she's really happy.

I turn around, and I see her. Her and Mike. They're talking and laughing while they wait to be seated. And I feel jealous. Even if we don't love each other, even if we're getting a divorce, Max is still my wife. Of course, I can't say that. Because she's out with Mike. And if I do, we'll have to leave together, seeing as we're married. Then we'll have to talk about this later, and I'll have to drink. And I don't want to anymore.

I don't want to do anything anymore.

But when I cough, she does see me. We lock eyes, and she turns away and taps Mike on the shoulder. She whispers in his ear, and they leave. Together. It's like I don't even exist. Like I'm not even real.

And then, I want to cry. Cause my own wife doesn't want me.

But I don't want her either.

I look at the bartender, but he gives me a hard look. Which I guess means he doesn't want to give me anymore beer. So I look away. And I stand up, wobbling just a little bit. Despite the fact I'm piss drunk, I'm really proud of myself. Because I know how to hold my alcohol and my feelings in the worst of times.

I stumble over to the pay phones and I dial Iggy's number. Collect.

He picks up halfway through the first ring.

He asks what went wrong, and then I remember I was suppose to come to his apartment. Fuck.

I want to say I'm sorry, but instead I tell him about Max. And the drinking. And about Mike. And I start crying, because she doesn't want me, and I don't want me, and no one wants me. But I'm being irrational again... aren't I?

He tells me to calm down, asks me where I am.

I tell him, and he says something to someone on the other line. I hear a female voice, and I think it's Alice. Who I already don't like.

He says he'll be there in ten minutes, he tells me to stay where I am.

He says he loves me, and he hangs up.

And I sit there, and I cry.

Chapter V: If I Fall Into Darkness

When he and Alice picked me up, for the longest time all he did was hold me. Sit in the back of the bar, amongst cigarette butts and empty beer cans, and hold me. Then, when I calmed down enough to stand up without collapsing from intoxication and emotions, he and Alice each put an arm under me and dragged me to the car.

And I mean dragged.

Then, we sat in the back of the car, and Iggy tried to calm me down, tried to talk to me about Max, but I was exhausted and drunk, so I didn't do anything but mumble. Or at least, that's what Alice said. I don't really remember much.

Iggy lives in this nice apartment complex, the kind with "lofts" and "penthouses", and I felt all out of place, being carried in there stone drunk in the middle of the night, and I started crying again. This was the place Max had been talking about before we started fighting really bad. She thought about selling the house and moving here. She said it'd be like starting fresh.

I just took another drink of my beer and nodded like I actually cared.

What would have happened if we'd actually done it? Would we be happy? But then again, I didn't know. I didn't want to know.

Iggy hugged me and told me it'd be alright. But he didn't know. He didn't see her. Her and Mike. How I hate him.

Alice asked if Iggy needed any help, and he said no, and she reminded him that she was just next door, then they both said goodbye. No one said anything to me. I was just like a piece of furniture, or I felt like one. An ugly piece of furniture, too. The kind that everyone avoids, but no one says anything about because it came with the apartment. I think I am that piece of furniture.

Iggy tries to pull me up, but my legs are too wobbly, so he asks me to put my arms around his neck. I do, and he lifts me up like a child, and I feel like one. This is what mothers do when they're little kids are throwing tantrums. But I'm too tired to care.

When he steps inside, he just stands there for a moment, and I wonder what's happening, until I realize he's trying to remember where everything is. I open my mouth to tell him, and then I realize I can't see a thing. It's pitch black. But it turns out that's okay, because Iggy starts to walk again.

And he carries me into his bedroom, and puts me down on his bed. He asks if I'm okay.

I swallow, and say yeah. Even though I can feel the tears coming, and I want to scream because Max doesn't love me anymore, even if I don't care.

He says he knows I'm not, but that he wants to help me so that it can be okay.

I say that'd be fine.

He bends over and kisses my forehead, and my chest suddenly feels very warm, and I even smile a little. And that's all I can remember before I fell asleep.

I'm sorry this took so long to update! But this is on my laptop computer, which I almost never use, and when I do use it, the document manager was always broken, but yay for updates. If I leave big gaps like this again, feel free to stab me.

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Chapter VI: Sing Me Something Beautiful

I still don't like Alice. Which I know is irrational, but really, I hate her.

She's pretty. For a girl. Tall, blonde, big blue eyes. Iggy seems to like her a lot. I can't imagine why, though.

I've been living in Iggy's apartment for nearly a week now, ever since that night at the bar when I called him to pick me up. Well, actually, thinking about it, I haven't set foot outside the door since then. I don't think Iggy has either, mainly he stays with me and we watch movies and television. I haven't cried since the night at the bar, but I came really close when we watched Brokeback Mountain. I had to stop and tell Iggy what was happening sometimes, but he liked it. In fact, he did cry at the end. But then again, he also cried at the end of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but that was because he was laughing so hard. I didn't know people could do that. Cry because they're laughing.

When we need anything, Iggy sends Alice to fetch things for us. Well, mainly my stuff, seeing as Max is packing all of my stuff out, getting ready for Mike to move in, I suppose. But I don't miss the house, Iggy's apartment is a lot better. For one, it's got Iggy.

He asks me why I don't eat. You see, we're sitting on the couch in the living room, and he's just put a steaming plate of pancakes and eggs on my lap. The thing is, I feel much too nauseous to eat. Even if it is Iggy's delicious cooking.

I tell him I'm not hungry.

He says I should eat anyways.

I change the subject, and ask him why he hasn't been playing in his band.

Alice comes in at this point, she says the band has issues right now.

Iggy interrupts, explaining that the lead singer is in rehab, the drummer had a kid, and the guitarist is facing a prison sentence for grand larceny.

I ask what happened to the bassist.

Alice says he found God, and then she laughs, saying that's her brother. And that he's trying to convert her over to the side of Jesus Christ when both of them were raised Jewish.

I find that very interesting, because before that I'd thought that Alice might have loved Iggy, but now I knew that her brother was in his old band, and that's how they knew each other. For some reason, that makes me happy.

I laugh to be polite, and then ask Iggy if he's gonna join another band.

He says he has a few side projects, he might be the lead singer of a new band his friends are starting up. Or he might go solo.

I ask him to sing something for me.

He says he will when he can think of something appropriate.

I ask him what's wrong with what he can sing now.

He shakes his head, and changes the subject. He says he knows someone I can talk to.

I tell him I already talk to him.

He says no, someone professional.

I say he's as good as a professional anyways.

He and Alice both laugh, and I blush, picking at my food that I don't want to eat. I don't need to talk to anyone. Screw Max and Mike, and you know what? Fuck love. It's just a stupid emotion anyway.

I've got Iggy, and that's all I need.

Chapter VII: Watching Me

I still think Iggy's as good as a professional. I fact, I think he's better.

He got his friend Jim to come over the other day, Jim's a psychologist, and he said he was doing it as a favor for a close friend, but I think Iggy was paying him. He tried to make polite conversation, but I could tell what he was doing. He was analyzing me.

I don't really mind, but I just wish he'd say that instead of pretending he wasn't. I hate liars.

Jim asks me how I am.

I tell him I'm okay.

He says he heard about my divorce, and that he's sorry, he knows how hard divorce is.

I don't think he does, and I say that.

He shakes his head and explains that his parents got divorced when he was a kid, and he just divorced his second wife last March.

Oh, is all I say.

He asks me how I feel towards Max.

I shrug, because I don't know. I'm mad, but I think I'm mad at myself for making her not love me. I'm sad that I wasn't a good husband. I feel all confused on the inside. But I don't say that, because that sounds crazy. And it feels crazy too.

He asks more questions and I have a few answers. Not enough though, because he sighs and says he'll see me another day, for another hour. He looks and me and he says, you know what, kid? You're real lucky to have a friend like Iggy watching out for you.

I say I know.

He says Iggy cares about me a lot.

I tell him I know. Again.

He sighs and leaves to talk to Iggy, and I lay down on the couch, because I'm suddenly very tired and I don't know why.

Iggy comes in the room just after, he asks me if I'm feeling okay.

I say yes and I ask him if I can have a blanket.

He says I can sleep in the bed.

I say no, it's his bed.

Iggy smiles and tells me not to make him carry me again.

I ask why that's a bad thing.

He laughs and agrees that it's not that bad, then tells me he'd really rather have me sleep in his bed.

In the end I agree, and crawl into his King size bed and bury myself beneath the comforter.

As Iggy leaves he tells me if I keep talking to Jim he'll take me out to dinner next week.

I nod and say I will, not because I want dinner or to talk to Jim more, but because I want to spend more time with Iggy.

---

A/N: The official story of why I haven't updated:

Around May of last year, our home computer broke and I switched over to my laptop, wherein I wrote most of Getting Better. Now, in about August, we finally got around to getting our computer fixed. My family procrastinates. Once again, I switched computers. For a while, I kept forgetting, or I was too lazy, and then I got a new laptop. I've also somewhat switched to that one.

Then, the internet broke, which has been a problem. I couldn't find my memory card, so finally tonight I said "fuck it" and just typed everything back up. Hence, here we are.

Seriously, shoot me if this happens again.

Chapter VIII: The Day It All Came Down

I think I want to die, right now.

Jim, stupid, stupid Jim has called Max, or she did, and she will be arriving at Iggy's apartment in five minutes. I know this is a very stupid idea, and I don't know why they don't all realize this. Because she's gonna cry, or something. And then it'll all be my fault again. I hate it, I hate her. So much.

I tell Iggy this and he just rubs my shoulder and tells me it'll be okay.

I don't think he heard me, I hate her with every fiber of my being. Ever. Fucking. Fiber. Of. My. Mother. Fucking. Being. Okay? That's a shit load of hate right there, and they just don't get it.

Jim's sitting in his usual chair, the big armchair in the corner. I'm sitting on the couch, and Iggy's sitting next to me. There's room for Max, but I already made a point of taking one of the kitchen chairs and putting it as far away from me as possible.

Jim doesn't look happy about that, but he lets it slide.

There's a knock on the door and Jim gets it. I'm not going to get up, and I'm pretty sure they all think that if Iggy leaves my side then I'll have some kind of nervous break down. Which actually won't happen, because I can do just fine without him. I did before Max and I got married, and when Max and I were married. It's only now that I've come to rely on him. And I don't even rely on him that much. Do I?

When Jim comes back, Max is standing behind him, and she looks slightly scared. But she sits in the faraway chair, just like I knew she would. She doesn't look at me. She just stares at Iggy.

Why? I have no idea.

Jim says now that everyone's here we should go around and introduce ourselves and explain why we think we're sitting here. He also says we'll start with Iggy.

I think this is the biggest load of crap Jim's ever come up with, but I'll go along with it anyways, there's nothing I can really do in protest. Sure, I could walk out, but I decided when I heard about Max coming that I would act as perfectly as possible. I would behave, and I wouldn't care what she said, because we are getting a divorce. So there.

Iggy says that his name is Iggy, which we all know, and says the reason he's here is because he cares about me and Max, and that he doesn't want us to destroy each other.

I wonder to myself how we could possibly destroy each other, it's her who's destroying me, that's why where' here.

Jim nods, and then it's my turn.

I tell everyone my name, and then I tell them why I'm here. I don't really know, but I make up a good answer anyways. I tell them I'm sitting here because I would like to end my relationship with Maximum Ride on a good note.

Bullshit, but convincing bullshit.

Max's turn.

She sheepishly grins and introduces herself, and says that the reason she is here is to regain a friendship with me.

And the bullshit keeps on coming.

Jim nods and says we've done a really good job.

Now he says there are issues we need to address.

And now, I think I really might die, because it's Max and me, and I know that something's gonna come up and everything is going to go horrible, horribly wrong. Because that's exactly the way our marriage has always gone. There's no way of changing it.