Dude, Be My Wingman by flYegurl

Category:Maximum Ride
Genre:Friendship, Humor
Characters:Fang, Iggy
Published:2011-11-23 01:39:42
Updated:2011-11-23 01:39:42
Packaged:2021-04-22 01:10:43
Summary:Fang was just minding his own business, chillaxing, reading a book. But then Iggy informed him that he likes someone. A lot. Seriously. And he's going with said person to the mall... and he wants Fang to be his wingman. Sort-of-sequel to 'Get Over It.'

Dude, Be My Wingman

This is a sort-of-sequel to my fanfiction 'Get Over It,' although it can be read alone. Please enjoy!

Disclaimer – I don't own Maximum Ride, or any of its characters.


"What?" Fang answered, not looking up from the book he was reading. It was intriguing enough for him to not want to put it down, but not quite enough for him to remember the title.

"Fang, I need to talk to you."

"Talk away," Fang replied, turning the page of the novel. He scratched his head absent-mindedly and quietly cleared his throat.

"Pay attention, it's… important."

"I'm listening." Fang crossed his legs and glanced up at Iggy, who was facing him, looking tense and nervous and a little ticked.

"Dude, put the book down."

Sighing, Fang straightened, closing the book without bothering to check what page he was at, and put it down on the table in front of him. "What?" he asked his friend.

Iggy hesitated, picking at the hem of his sleeve. He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling it out of his eyes.

"Well… um…"

"If you're not going to talk, I'll just continue reading my book then…" Fang said, trying to coax the words out of him, reaching forward towards the novel on the coffee table.

"No, wait, I'll talk."

Fang sat back, making himself comfortable on the cushioned couch, crossing his arms and facing his friend. Iggy was nervously twiddling his fingers, his left eyebrow twitching.

"Relax, Ig," Fang said. "And spit it out. I haven't got all day."

"Okay, okay…" Iggy took a deep breath. "The thing is… you're okay… with me being gay, right?"

Fang stared at him.

"Yeah," he said.

"And… you know, that means that… I like boys," Iggy continued. Fang rolled his eyes.

"Well, by definition, yeah," he said.

Iggy was quiet for a moment, and Fang sighed and leaned forward.

"Come on, man, you know I don't care about that."

Iggy shrugged.

"Well, the thing is… you know how I've been going out, like, every day to…"

"The mall?" Fang finished. "Dude, I know it's summer, but you've been going overboard with that."

"Yeah," Iggy agreed. "I know. See, though, the thing is that… well, a few weeks ago, when I was at the…"

"Mall," Fang interrupted.

"Yeah, the mall, I… well… I met this… person."

The corners of Fang's mouth twitched as he looked at Iggy, who seemed incredibly nervous.

"Really? Aw, Iggy, you met someone," he said.

"And it's a boy," Iggy added.

Fang stifled a laugh. "I would never have guessed."

There was silence and Iggy twitched anxiously under Fang's gaze.

"You… don't mind, right?" Iggy finally asked, unable to stand the silence.

"Psh, Iggy, do you really have to ask?"

"Well, you weren't too keen on the whole me-being-gay thing at first," the blind boy pointed out. "In fact, I quite remember that you acted rather… mean, for lack of a better word."

"I would say that I acted rather like an asshole," Fang supplied, and Iggy grinned.

"Well, yeah, but I wasn't going to be rude."

"Well, anyway, about this boy," Fang said. "Well… that's just it. What about him?"

Fang observed as Iggy's demeanor brightened, a smile forming on his face, his eyes shining. He was no longer nervous, but eager.

"Oh gosh, Fang," he started, bouncing on the soles of his feet. "He's just great. He really funny, and he's nice. He's totally fine with leading me around the mall, too. Most of the time we walk and we just talk, but sometimes we go into that little theater and watch a movie and he is so great at describing what's going on, and he doesn't get annoyed or anything!"

Fang laughed out loud. "Gosh, Iggy, you really like this guy," he said. Iggy blushed to the roots of his hair.


"Good for you. Are you guys… going out?"

Iggy sighed and walked over to sit down next to Fang, where he proceeded to pick at the arm of the couch with his forefinger.

"That's the thing, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. See, he's great and all, but… well, I'm not sure if he likes me or if he just thinks of me as a friend. I'd… well, I'd really appreciate if you came with me today and…"

"Stalked you like a ninja to see if he likes you back?" Fang finished.

"Sort of."

"Iggy, do you know for sure if he's gay?"

Iggy stared towards Fang incredulously.

"Fang, I thought you knew I had a gaydar."

Fang stared back. "What?"

"Well, yeah, I can tell if people are gay or not. Although telling whether or not they're bi is a little tricky."

"But… you can't even see," Fang pointed out. "How can you tell?"

"Actions," Iggy said simply, "And the way people talk."

Fang whistled, impressed. "Well, I'll be."

"Don't say that, you sound like an eighty-year-old grandmother."

Fang looked into space for a little while.

"Well, Fang? Will you do it?"

"I don't know, Iggy," Fang said. "Why don't you just make a move? I mean, he probably likes you if he's hanging out with you every day."

"Yeah, but I really like being friends with him." Iggy turned his face down. "I don't want to make a move unless I know for sure he likes me back." Then he narrowed his eyes at Fang. "Besides, you had me do stuff like that all the time. Follow you around with your chicks, I mean. Made me be your wingman."

"But… but… that was for girls!" Fang protested. Iggy crossed his arm.

"Well, this is for a boy," he said. "And I thought you weren't a homophobe."

Fang caved under Iggy's death glare. "Okay, okay, I'll do it."

Iggy smiled, satisfied. "Good."



Iggy pulled Fang up by the arm and led him out the door, shouting back towards the house "Me and Fang are going to the mall! Be back in a few hours!"

Fang stumbled along beside Iggy as the blind boy led him down the long driveway, through the suburban neighborhood, and into the city.

"Dude," Fang gasped, finally yanking his arm out of Iggy's grasp after they had made it into the city and were walking along the wide sidewalk. "You have a strong grip."

"It's all this mutant muscle," Iggy grinned, flexing. "The boys love it."

"Only the gay ones," Fang pointed out. "And probably the girls. You don't look too gay."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, you're not flamboyant or anything, dude. It's not a bad thing."

"Whatever. Wait… so is being flamboyant a bad thing, then? If I was flamboyant, it'd be bad?"

Fang slapped his forehead, shaking his head. "You're just trying to corner me."

Iggy snapped his fingers and pretended to scowl. "Rats. It was so going to work."

Fang punched Iggy's arm lightly, laughing. "Anyway, dude, what does this dream boy look like?"

Iggy shrugged. "I know the basics. But… yeah, that was something else I was hoping you could tell me. Describe what he looks like. In graphic detail."

"Graphic detail? That makes it sound so wrong."

"Shut up. You were fine describing girls to me when I was still in the closet. Down to the size of their boobs and how nice their butts were, too, so I really expect you to tell me about every single aspect of his…"

"Say no more, please, I beg of you!" Fang interrupted, blushing, raising his hands. "Point made. I surrender!"

"You always do," Iggy commented. "You're no match for my skill and wits."

"Oh, your powerful intellect, huh?"

"Of course."

They continued walking down the streets in comfortable silence, Iggy with his fists in his jeans pockets. Fang noticed that he was dressed extra-nice, with clean jeans and one of his new shirts. Grinning, Fang shook his head. Iggy really was trying to impress this boy.

As they walked, Fang wondered what this boy would look like. What kind of boys did Iggy like? The big, muscled, closeted football-player type? The skinny, well dressed, effeminate, flamboyant type? Or the diva type? Fang shuddered. He didn't think he could handle an in-your-face finger-snapping sassy-talking diva. Or a flamboyant oh-my-gosh-this-would-look-so-good-on-you guy. Or, for that matter, any huge, buff, monstrous, intimidating football-player.

Fang looked sideways at Iggy's excited expression. He was about to voice his opinion, then decided against it. Iggy was only seventeen. Any relationship he would have would probably only last a year at most. If he ended up hooking up with a flamboyant diva football-player, Fang would only have to grit his teeth and bear through it for a while.

But then again, Iggy was almost eighteen. Eighteen-years-old was old enough to be in a serious long-term relationship that could result in commitment and maybe marriage, you know, depending on if gay marriage was legalized by then. If Iggy hooked up with someone Fang couldn't stand, he might have to try to bear through it for the rest of his life.

"We're almost here, Fang!" Iggy crowed. The mall was only about a twenty-minute walk from the house, so it didn't take too long to get there on most days. During the summer, Iggy had usually walked there with either Max or Fang, who had then picked him up later when it was time to get home and cook dinner. Yes, ditching a blind guy alone at the mall may seem a bit harsh, but Iggy knew enough about the layout to make his was to the food court and to his favorite stores, so it wasn't really abandoning him. Plus, he'd gotten lost enough for some of the mall cops to get to know him really well, so he had plenty of people looking out for him.

Fang looked up to see the mall, indeed, looming into sight behind a big Toys 'R' Us. The mall was decently sized, with all the popular stores and a couple obscure ones, as well as a nice food court and an arcade. Fang liked hanging out there, but only occasionally. Plus, today, hanging out at the mall was not something he was looking forward to. He was worrying about what Iggy's crush would be like, and everything his imagination conjured up wasn't too good.

Let's just hope he's just like Iggy, Fang thought. Just like Iggy personality-wise. Iggy's not a flamboyant diva football-player.

"Take me to the Macy's, okay?" Iggy said. "We always meet by the shoes. That's where we met each other for the first time. He was sitting down in the aisle to try some on, and I tripped over him. Then we both started to talk."

"Um, cool," Fang said. "Are you feeling okay?"

Iggy turned towards him, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, why?"

"I think you may be coming down with Nudge-syndrome," Fang replied seriously. "I mean, that chatter, it couldn't possibly be anything else."

Iggy elbowed Fang in the ribs. Fang muttered furiously under his breath, rubbing the injured area. There was going to be a bruise.

Fang led Iggy through the big mall doors straight into the Macy's. He looked around for a bit, wondering vaguely where the heck the shoe department was, but then Iggy tugged on his sleeve.

"It's to the right, Fang. God, I'm blind and I have a better sense of direction."

"Shut it," Fang retorted, following Iggy's lead down the tiled paths. Fang rounded the twists and turns at Iggy's side, wondering when the heck Iggy had had time to memorize the route to the shoe department. He figured he had done it when he spent all that time with this kid.

What was his name again? Fang couldn't remember whether Iggy had told him or not. He decided to just wait for his bro to introduce them, and began looking around nervously for a flamboyant diva football-player. However, he couldn't see any in sight. Which was good, he supposed, except for that the suspense was killing him.

"Aren't we here?" Iggy muttered to him, and Fang awoke from his anxious daze to see that they were, indeed, in a large area stacked high with lots of different shoes. High-heeled shoes, sandals, boots, all in leather or metallic plastic-y stuff, or covered in glitter or sequins.

"They're all girl shoes," Fang said dumbly. Iggy rolled his eyes.

"He was buying some for drama club. He's playing Snow White in a play for his school. He invited me to come listen to him. He's gonna be singing." Iggy smiled dazedly.

"He's playing a girl?"

"Yeah, he's got a high vocal range. And he's purtty."

From this, Fang took closeted-football-player off of his list of possible candidates for what this boy would be like. It was narrowed down to flamboyant effeminate boy, or diva.

"Is he here?" Fang asked, looking around at the people in the department. They were all teenage girls, who were looking at Fang and Iggy curiously.

"Nope," Iggy replied, turning to one of the shelves and lifting off one of the shoes, fingering the heel curiously. "He's always humming under his breath. That's how I can tell it's him. Plus, we're about five minutes early." He paused and grinned. "He's a very punctual person."

"Great. Now I've got a lovesick Iggy on my hands. That is way worse than an Iggy with Nudge-syndrome."

"Shut up," Iggy said nonchalantly. "By the way, actually, I've got some rules you need to follow."

Fang looked at Iggy warily. "Rules?"

"Yes." Iggy put the shoe down and turned to Fang, giving him a serious death glare. "First of all, you will address me as Iggy, Ig or Iggs. By no means should you call me by any other names or nicknames, including but not limited to Iggy The Ignorant, Piggy Iggy, or Iggy The Iguana; which, by the way, doesn't make sense and isn't even funny."

"Gazzy thinks it's funny," Fang pointed out.

"Gazzy is twelve," Iggy said. Then he continued. "Second, you will not trip me or push me or lead me into the girls' bathroom on 'accident.' You will not try to get me to try on clothes that I would not voluntarily wear, such as hot-pink skinny-jeans or girl's shirts. Do you understand?"

"Completely," Fang responded, turning his eyes upward to the ceiling. He held his hands up as well. "God, please don't let me have to do this every time Iggy likes a guy. That would be cruel and unusual."

"Karma, dude," Iggy said matter-of-factly. "What goes around comes around. You made me do this for you, now you're doing it for me."

Fang rolled his eyes and mocked Iggy silently. Iggy heard it anyways.

"You should feel lucky you get to be the first to meet him," Iggy snapped. "The other's will have to wait until I start inviting him over."

"So… Max doesn't' know about him yet?"

Iggy shook his head and Fang inhaled sharply, feeling slightly honored to be the first to know about Iggy's actual honest-to-goodness crush.

"Here he is," Iggy suddenly said, grinning. Fang looked up instantly, glancing around for any flamboyant divas.

He saw a boy walking towards them rather nervously. Iggy smiled and waved, and the boy smiled back and waved shyly to Fang. He wasn't a flamboyant diva; quite the opposite, in fact. He was short and skinny, petite, and seemed rather reluctant to be seen in public… by people. His hair was a dark brown that was nearly black. He had green eyes that were slightly shadowed by long bangs. Fang recalled slightly that Harry Potter had black hair and green eyes as well, and he was tempted to address the boy as such. But the guy's skin was pale, and he had freckles across his cheeks and nose. He looked very feminine. Therefore, very un-Potter-like.

"Hi, Iggy," the boy said quietly. He was facing Iggy, but Fang could see him watching him out of the corner of his eye. Fang looked him up and down. The boy was wearing torn skinny-jeans and a baggy T-shirt that Fang recognized from somewhere, although he couldn't quite place exactly where. "Who's this?"

"This is my friend Fang," Iggy said, introducing them. "Fang, this is Vincent." He stood there, smiling expectantly, and Fang wondered what he was waiting for before realizing that he was waiting for Fang to say hi.

"Oh! Oh, hi, Vincent," Fang said, holding out his hand. Vincent smiled shakily and took it.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you. I haven't met one of Iggy's friends before."

"Yeah, well, I haven't got many!" Iggy laughed, rubbing the back of his head.

They all stood awkwardly for a moment before Iggy broke the silence.

"Um, shall we… go?" he said, and Vincent nodded quickly.

"Yeah, definitely," he said.

"Sure," Fang shrugged, reaching out to grab Iggy's sleeve, tugging him forward. "Where are we going?" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Vincent withdraw his hand regretfully. Fang wondered if he had been going to take Iggy's hand. Ooh boy, Fang thought, Iggy's gonna be pissed that I stopped that from happening.

"Um, I don't really care. Vince?"

"I thought we could go to, um…" He hesitated. "Well, maybe Fang should choose."

Iggy shot a glare at Fang, shaking his sleeve out of his grip.

"Oh, Fang doesn't have anything is mind. Wherever you want, Vincent."

"Well, my sister's birthday is coming up. I thought I could buy her a dress. There's a store near the food court, and afterwards we could have lunch."

Iggy rubbed his hands together. "Sounds like a plan," he said. "Lead the way."

As Fang followed Iggy following Vincent, he wondered if he was creating a rather awkward atmosphere. It seemed that there was something heavy hanging in the air, like unsaid words… and Fang was the one who had prevented them from being said. Judging from Vincent, who kept turning around to glance swiftly at Iggy before continuing on, the boy was pretty nervous in Fang's company. What did I do? Fang wondered silently. Is this guy just afraid of people in general? You know, people besides Iggy.

"Sooo…" Iggy drawled. "Vince. How's it going with the drama production?"

The boy was obviously happy with the break in awkward silence, and Fang was relieved as well when Vincent began to recount some sort of mishap with a collapsed podium.

"So Sammy won't be able to act in it because of her broken ankle, and Catherine will have to fill in for her. Catherine's really psyched."

"That's your best friend, right? She was just the understudy?"

"Yeah, but that was only because she lost her voice a day before tryouts. She would have made the role otherwise."

Iggy nodded thoughtfully, and Fang couldn't help but gape in his direction. Iggy never listened to anyone, much less paid enough attention to remember what they had said. Yet here he was, recounting subtle details that Fang would never have been able to recall. Yup, no doubt about it. Iggy was in love. Fang began to silently sing Iggy and Vincent, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G in his head.

"What role was this for?" Iggy asked.

"The evil queen," Vincent reminded him.

Iggy laughed. "Oh, yeah! I thought it was ironic that you guys are playing enemies."

Vincent grinned, his eyes flashing. "That's why we chose those rolls. We love playing against each other. It makes it exciting."

Fang smirked. He had only just met this guy, and yeah, the dude seemed to be terrified of people, but Fang was incredibly happy about him. Mainly because he wasn't a flamboyant diva, but whatever.

Fang lagged, walking slowly behind the two boys as they conversed happily. And staring at Vincent's back, that's when he recognized where that shirt came from; it was an old one of Iggy's. He knew because there were subtle wing-slits in the back that had been sewn up. He shook his head, grinning, and then gazed around coolly, looking at people with an expression that read Yeah, those two are totally gay. Deal with it.

Eventually, the three of them reached the store that Vincent had mentioned. Fang was reluctant at first, but with a glare from Iggy and a surreptitious kick to his shin, he agreed to walk into the dress shop, claiming that "If a hot girl looks at me funny, I'm telling her that you two are drag queens who forced me to come in with you." Iggy hit him for that one.

After ten minutes of stalking Iggy and Vincent around the racks of dresses, Fang was getting fairly bored. Being a ninja, he had pretty much spent the whole time crouching behind shelves and surreptitiously staring at the back of Vincent's head, checking for any signs of attraction. But there really was no point to it. It was completely obvious that the guy was totally into Iggy.

For example, Iggy had found a dress that he thought felt nice, so he attempted to pull the hanger out of the tangled mess of metal on the rack. Of course, the dress had slipped off and fallen (Iggy always managed to do that at least three times while shopping), and Iggy had bent down to pick it up. And Vincent couldn't take his eyes off of Iggy's… rear end, which sounded totally ridiculous, but Fang didn't feel like thinking the phrase 'Iggy's butt' when in regards to him being checked out… or for that matter, at any time. Fang felt sort of invasive, watching another dude checking his best friend out, but at the same time he couldn't help but smirk at the shade of red that Vincent blushed when Iggy straightened and started talking to him again.

In fact, it really seemed that Vincent spent the entire time making up excuses to brush against Iggy, to touch his hand, or to just look at him. And at first Fang was thinking that it was sort of messed up, until he realized that that was practically the exact situation that Fang had when on dates with his girlfriends. Don't be judged lest be judged yourself, and all that crap.

Fang had pretty much given up on the stalking thing, because there was just no way that Vincent didn't like Iggy, and he was about to interrupt the boys to ask for lunch (hey, the guy was hungry) when he was drawn from his reverie by Iggy's voice.

"What?" Fang gasped, his head snapping around to look at Iggy and Vincent, who was regarding him with an odd expression.

"Fang," Iggy repeated, "I asked you if you thought this looked good with my hair and skin tone."

Fang eyed the item of clothing that Iggy was holding up to his chest and looked back at Iggy blankly.

"It's a dress," he said dumbly. Iggy rolled his eyes and Vincent grinned slightly.

"Yes, I know that much," Iggy said. "But Vincent's sister pretty much has the same complexion as me, and Vince and I both like the look and feel of this dress, but we want to know if it would look good on her. Well?"

"I mean, I guess it's okay," Fang replied doubtfully, still not liking the picture of Iggy holding a silky, lacy, short blue dress to his chest. "Sure, yeah. Lunch?" He gestured hopefully behind him towards the food court.

"Pfft," Iggy snorted. "Typical mutant. Always hungry."

"Mutant?" Vincent asked. "What, is he messed up in some way other than his mental capacity?"

Ooh, gotta give him that one, Fang thought. But he was so getting it back later.

"Not really," Iggy said, patting Vincent on the back and earning a fierce blush from his crush. "You pretty much nailed it there." He shot Fang a diabolical grin, and Fang shook his head.

"Oh, Iggy, you poor, poor ignorant kid," he remarked sadly. "If only you knew the dastardly secret Max has been keeping all of these years… something about you being two-years-old, the consumption of bleach, and incurable brain damage…"

"He does this all the time," Iggy whispered obviously behind his hand at Vincent. "You know, tries to put other people down to make his insecurities not seem quite as bad…"

"Don't worry, I understand," Vincent replied, casting Fang a pitying look. "I'm around people like that all the time."

Fang rolled his eyes and turned to stalk towards the door.

"Yeah, yeah, I can tell when I'm not wanted," he said loudly. "You girls just pay for your stupid dress and we can go eat."

"Girls?" Iggy asked indignantly. "Why would you say that?"

"I was referring to the fact that you two are shopping for dresses," Fang responded, grinning. "There was no hidden meaning behind it, don't worry. Geez, give me some credit."

Vincent bought the blue dress at the counter, Iggy beside him. The three boys then walked out and towards the food court, the clothes bag swinging at Iggy's side – he had convinced Vincent to let him carry it.

"What should we eat?" Iggy asked. "I myself am in the mood for anything greasy."

"McDonald's would be fine with me," Fang said. Vincent shrugged.

"I'm up for fries."

"Mickey-D's it is," Iggy said, rubbing his hands together. "Let's go find us a table."

Fang followed Iggy as him and Vincent looked for a free table, hands in his pockets, thinking. He really wanted to get the whole affair over with, and the best way to do that would be to drag Iggy away and talk to him in private.

"Here's a free one," Vincent said finally, rushing over to grab the spot before anyone else took it. "Here, you guys sit here and save the seat. Tell me what you want, and I'll order it."

"I can come with you, Vince," Iggy said instantly, standing. "I know what Fang wants, so we can just go."

The two disappeared almost instantly, leaving Fang all alone at the dirty old mall table.

"How did you know I wasn't in the mood for something else?" he called after Iggy, who just held his hand up and waved him off without even glancing back. Fang sighed, sitting heavily, resting his chin on his fist and waiting for the boys to return. Vincent had left the dress bag in his seat, and Fang was a little worried that girls would think that he had bought it for himself.

Nah, he thought, they'll probably just think I bought it for my girlfriend or sister or something. Yeah.

Fang looked around, bored, and people-watched for a bout ten minutes until Iggy and Vincent returned with three trays piled high with McDonald's delicacies.

"You two are hefty eaters," Vincent said. "I always thought Iggy must be an anomaly, but I guess it runs in the family. Or friendship, or whatever."

"Yeah, cool. Hey, I gotta pee. What's that, Iggy? You too?" Iggy raised an eyebrow, like, What the heck? But Fang just stood and grabbed Iggy's arm, dragging him towards the bathroom. "This boy," he laughed to Vincent. "Such a small bladder. Can't hold it in for more than an hour."

Vincent stared after them in stunned confusion.

"What was that?" Iggy asked, aghast and infuriated once Fang had pushed him into the bathroom. "That was embarrassing!"

"Oh, be quiet," Fang said, "I'm trying to help you. You want to know if he likes you or not, right?"

Iggy scowled, crossing his arms. "Well, yeah, but I figured you'd do it in a way that didn't reveal my apparent bladder issues," he said.

"Whatever," Fang brushed the comment away. "Anyway, he's totally into you. It was sort of obvious."

Iggy paused, silent for a moment, then smiled.

"Cool! You know, I really thought so, but then I thought that maybe I was wrong and I was just reading into his actions too much. I guess I was sort of like you in that way, huh?" He smiled and rubbed the back of his head. "I can't wait to ask him out."

Fang stared at Iggy. "What do you mean, sort of like me?"

"Well, like you and Max, right?" Iggy stated, shrugging. "I mean, you both can't see how into each other you are."

Gaping, Fang simply looked at Iggy's blatantly calm expression. "What?"

"Oh, you know. It's obvious you like each other, but you never do anything about it."

"Not true!"

"It totally is, and you know it."

Fang trailed off into silence, staring at Iggy for a while. Iggy stared back, looking confused.

"I mean, it's no secret, is it?" he asked, sounding doubtful. "You do like her, right?"

"No!" Fang sputtered. "Well, yes, I mean… none of your business!"

Iggy smirked. "Whatever you say, Fangalator. Whatever you say. Can we get back to Vincent now? I'm sure he thought we were weird, you dragging me off to the bathroom like that."

Fang blanched. "It wasn't that weird." Iggy raised an eyebrow, and Fang sighed, relenting. "Okay, it might've been a little weird, but totally necessary."

"Mm-hmm," Iggy replied sardonically.

"Yeah. Totally. Anyway…" Fang continued, shifting the subject. "I have to ask you something about Vincent."

"Ask away," Iggy said, gesturing widely with his arms. "There are all manner of topics I am willing to discuss."

But Fang hesitated for a second. "It's just… he's exceptionally… girly, isn't he?" He asked. Iggy shrugged.

"I suppose, yeah," he replied. "And?"

"Well… if you like girly guys… why don't you like… you know, girls? I mean, get a short girl with a really flat chest, and that's basically Vincent."

Fang waited, feeling stupid, as Iggy moaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Honestly, Fang? Honestly? That's just a tad bigoted, don't you think?"

"I guess," Fang said, raising his shoulders. "I just honestly wanna know. I mean, I know you're gay and I'm cool with that…" A guy walking out of the bathroom looked towards the two with a weird expression, and Fang gave him a glare. "But I don't understand it myself. I'm trying."

Iggy sighed. "Well, Fang, the thing is that although I rather like Vincent's girlish charms, petite physique, and high vocal range, and those are traits much like a girl might have…" He directed his eyes at the ceiling. "There are certain things that I find attractive in boys that girls, unfortunately, just don't have, mainly…"

A man who was about to use a urinal gave Iggy a shocked sort of look before zipping up and going to use a stall instead. Fang flipped him off over Iggy's shoulder.

Iggy looked towards Fang's extended arm and frowned.

"Are you shooting me the bird?" he asked, and Fang quickly lowered his hand.

"No," he said. "I was just… well, no. Anyway… yeah, I guess that makes sense. I'm sorry for, uh, being bigoted."

"Nah, dude, it's cool," Iggy replied, throwing an arm around Fang's shoulder. "You're just curious, and I'm okay with that. It's just that I keep getting scared that you won't accept me, and it freaks me out."

"C'mon, Iggs, you know I'll always be cool with whatever you are," Fang replied, slapping his bro on the back. "You're just Iggy, my best friend. Even if you're gay or whatever."

Iggy and Fang looked at each other.

"Fun mushy emotion-fest," Iggy said.

"Nudge would call it a bromance," Fang acknowledged. The two boys laughed.

When they returned to the table, Vincent was picking at Iggy's fries, his own meal already eaten.

"Sorry, Vince!" Iggy said, sitting across from him. "Fang was taking a while. Had to take a dump."

Fang flicked the back of Iggy's head for that, but at the same time accepted that he deserved it. He wouldn't want Iggy tell potential girlfriends that he had bladder issues.

Vincent snickered. "It's okay, as long as you don't mind your half-eaten French fries. They were getting cold, and I didn't want to waste."

"Quick thinking," Iggy complimented. "There are starving children in Africa who need food. It would be a shame to waste what bounty we have."

The three finished their meals amongst happy discussion, and by the end of it Vincent seemed to be comfortable in Fang's presence. It made Fang happy, of course, since any future-boyfriend of Iggy's was a friend of Fangs, and it made Iggy happy that his future-boyfriend was Fang's friend.

After thirty minutes of good eating, Iggy stood and threw away his and Vincent's trays.

"Now," he said loudly. "Fang was wanting to buy an Icee, so he's going to go away for a few minutes." He glared pointedly in Fang's direction. "I want blue. What about you, Vincent?"

"Blue for me, too," Vincent said, and at a light shove from Iggy Fang was sent in the direction of the Icee stand, grumbling about pushy people and rude behavior. When he returned to Iggy and Vincent a few minutes later, it was to find both of them blushing and grinning madly.

"Here you go," Fang said, shoving them their Icees. "Blue Icees for the two lovebirds. Purple's better anyways."

"Nuh-uh," Iggy said. "Blue is always best, except for when it's coconut."

"Too true," Vincent agreed.

"Yeah," Iggy said, "And besides, purple is for bachelors, you single man, you."

Fang elbowed Iggy, who elbowed him right back. Then the three began walking to the exit.

Somewhere along the way, Iggy and Vincent had started to hold hands, and about fifty feet from the front doors a trio of teenage girls stopped them, smiling.

"Um, excuse us, but are you two a couple?" one of them asked breathlessly. Vincent looked a little nervous, ready to tug his hand out of Iggy's and deny it. Something told Fang that he hadn't had very good experiences about being gay before.

But Iggy just tightened the grip and smiled. "Yeah, we are," he said brightly. The girls all smiled.

"We just wanted to say that we think you two are totally cute together," a second of the girls said.

"And we're totally rooting for you," the third said. "We're totally for gay rights."

Vincent looked shocked, but started to smile as Iggy grinned.

"Thanks," he said. "That's really nice of you."

The girls chatted with Iggy and Vincent for another few minutes, and Fang was content to sit back and watch. Iggy was glowing and confident, and Fang liked that. He didn't want his best friend to feel nervous or scared about being gay. He wanted Iggy to be loud and straight-forward about it.

As the girls waved goodbye and Fang, Iggy and Vincent left the shop, Iggy nudged Vincent and smiled.

"See? They're not all bad, out there," he told him, and Vincent smiled.

"Yeah, I guess so," he said.

Fang raised his hand.

"I'm not all bad," he said. "I'm totally for gay rights, too."

Iggy laughed and stepped back, punching Fang's upper arm playfully.

"And I appreciate it, man, I really do," he said, and Vincent nodded.

"Aw shucks," Fang joked. "You're making me blush."

"And thanks for being my wingman," Iggy continued, "Even if you really sucked at it and were mostly counterproductive."

"Hey!" Fang objected.

"It's sort of true," Vincent said.

"Not you, too!" Fang cried, raising his hands to the sky. "Is the whole world against me? I tried to do good! I really did!"

"Whatever," Iggy said airily. "Vincent's coming over for dinner, so if you don't mind running ahead and letting the flock know so Vince and I can have a nice, romantic stroll…"

"Of course, Your Iggyness!" Fang gasped, bowing elaborately and with many flourishes. He then began to run ahead. "You better remember this! I'm doing you a huge favor!"

Fang ran ahead for a few minutes before slowing to a walk, stuffing his hands in his pockets, looking upwards at the sky. He felt sort of awesome, like he had just done something worthwhile. Iggy's first boyfriend. That was a big milestone.

Iggy and Vincent laughed together as they walked.

"Did he notice?" Iggy asked, smiling.

"Nope," Vincent said. "Didn't suspect a thing."

"I hope he doesn't get any grief for it," Iggy said. "Although if he gets flirted with by anyone, that'll be hilarious."

Vincent stared after Fang's retreating back with a broad smile. "It totally would."

Fang walked all the way home without noticing the sign, although he did notice the strange looks he was given by civilians, alternating between disgusted, interested, and downright flirtatious.

Kiss me. I'm gay.

Thank you for reading this fic! I've been working on it for ages, and I was finally like, it's Thanksgiving break, I'm on Microsoft Word at two in the morning, might as well get this fic done.

Hope you liked it.