All Is Well In Cliche Land by flYegurl

Category:Maximum Ride
Genre:Humor, Parody
Published:2011-03-08 17:55:29
Updated:2011-03-08 17:55:29
Packaged:2021-04-22 01:14:48
Summary:We all know them. Those big, major cliches... Max is pregnant, Iggy can suddenly see again. But what about those tiny, minor ones that everyone overlooks? The ones that people don't even notice? Here's a tribute to those miniscule, yet overused cliches.

All Is Well In Cliche Land

Max walked down the stairs from her bedroom in a rather heroic way, seeing as she was the leader. Because of this, everything she did was heroic and leader-ly. It just happened. It was just her. Because Max was the leader, and so she was heroic. End of story. Bye bye. The end.

But not really.

Walking down the stairs and into the living room, Max then heroically decided to reorganize the furniture, just for the heck of it. On whim. So without a second thought, she swiftly moved around the couch and chairs until she thought it looked good enough. Then she moved on to the kitchen in a leader-ly way, where she proceeded to burn water.

"Good morning!" Gazzy said, walking into the kitchen and farting profusely.

"Morning, little trooper," Max heroically replied, fanning the burnt water, which had just caught on fire.

"Good morning, Max!" Angel said sweetly in a way that was angelic. Max smiled, looking very much a leader, walked over to ruffle her golden hair, and moved back to continue burning the water.

"Morning, sweetie," she said.

"Hey, Max!" Nudge started, walking into the kitchen as well. "How's it going? It's a very wonderful day. Personally, I feel that a day like today should be saved for special occasions, like birthdays, or holidays, but just a normal day is fine too. I love it outside! Did you look outside yet? Everything is so bright. Kind of like a light bulb. And light bulbs run on electricity, which powers computers! People use those to play games. Like Tag! Tag is a game! And you know where you play Tag? Outside. Where you can also play on jungle-gyms, which you can find in cities. Where you can find restaurants. In restaurants you can order food, like French fries, which are probably originally from France. France is another continent than North America. Another place that is not North America is the moon, or Mars. Hey, when I grow up, I want to be florist!"

Max nodded in a way that seemed leader-like and smiled, then turned to check the water. It was burned to a crisp.

"Who wants burnt water?" she asked in a very leader-ly tone, and no one raised their hands.

"I do," Fang said quietly from the doorway, where he had appeared out of nowhere, like a ninja, or a dentist. He looked very dashing, very tall, dark, and very handsome right there, with his swishy emo hair and black eyeliner.

"Whoa, Fang!" Max gasped, sounding rather heroic. "I think that's the most words you've ever said at one time!"

Gazzy smiled, farting loudly. Angel glowed, a halo floating above her head.

Then, they all heard a series of loud crashes and curses from the living room. They turned to stare at the entrance to the kitchen, and a moment later, Iggy had appeared, battered and bloodied.

"Someone moved the furniture," he said, his blind eyes moving around the room, using his sleeve to wipe blood from his chin. The area around his eyes, which were blind, was blackening with bruises, and his nose looked broken. "I smell something burning."

"It's my water," Max replied, sounding very leader-like. "I made is special. It takes talent to burn water."

"That it does," Iggy acknowledged, staring towards Max with his blind eyes, which were blind. "That it does."

"It most certainly does take talent to burn water!" Nudge commented. "I mean, I would never be able to burn water. I would also never be able to ski. Skiing takes lots of energy, you know. It also takes lots of energy to power roller coasters. Hey, you know where you can find those? Amusement parks! I want to go to an amusement park. They have big animals there. Like mooses. Or is it moose? Which is plural? It's so confusing, just like with hippopotamuses, and octopi, and platypuses. Ooh, I want toast for breakfast!"

Max smiled and nodded in a way that was very leader-like, Gazzy farted loudly, Angel suddenly sprouted devil horns, and Iggy blinked his blind eyes, which couldn't see.

"Toast sounds good to me, too," Fang said silently, looking very tall, dark and handsome. He swished his swishy emo hair in a very emo way.

"Wow, Fang!" Max gasped. "I think that's the most you've ever said at one time!"

"Umm… no," Fang replied, his voice low, hot, and very emo-sounding.

"Oh em gee, Fang!" Nudge exclaimed. "I think that's the most you've ever said at one time!"

Fang shook his head and smirked in a tall, dark, handsome and emo way. "Ha ha."

"Geez, Fang!" Max said, laughing heroically. "Say anything more, and I think you'll have turned into Nudge."

"Yeah," Iggy said, laughing, his sightless eyes, which were blind and couldn't see, staring at Fang. "Ha ha, so funny. That's what she said!" He doubled over, guffawing, slapping his knees, blood dripping to the floor from his still-broken nose. His blind and sightless eyes were shut tight, so he couldn't see anything he didn't normally see, which was black, because he was blind, and his eyes were sightless.

"Whatever," Fang replied moodily, his emo hair swishing sexily. His basic black ensemble was basic and black, and his eyeliner made his black eyes pop in a tall, dark and handsome way.

"Gosh, Fang, I think that's the most you've ever said at one time!" Gazzy said, and then he farted. Angel grinned evilly and rushed out of the kitchen, cackling madly. Max grinned in a leader-ly way, and Nudge laughed fashion-consciously.

Max began to scoop some burnt water out of the pot and onto a plate for Fang, then got some for herself as Iggy moved to begin cooking, his blind eyes that couldn't see glistening with tears of mirth.

"Who wants eggs?" he asked, and Max reminiscently remembered back to the day when he had become blind…

The scientist came in. He glared at the bird-kids, frowning evilly in an evil way, snarling and baring his teeth. Sometimes those Whitecoats could be more like animals than their experiments.

"Which one of you wants to get their eyes poked and prodded with needles?" he asked evilly, an evil glint in his eyes.

"Certainly not me!" Iggy squealed in his high-pitched little girl voice that all boys have at that young age.

"Then it shall be YOU!" the scientist shouted, walking forward and growling, unlocking Iggy's cage and pulling him out. Iggy squealed and kicked furiously, but the scientist dragged him into another room, leaving the door ajar.

Through the crack in the open door, Max could see as Iggy, still fighting, was strapped onto a metal gurney. She could hear him scream, so loudly, as if he was just in the next room and the door had been left open – which, in fact, was right. Then, Max gasped heroically in horror as the scientist grinned maniacally, like a mass-murdering psychotic, and began to jab a thick needle repeatedly into Iggy's eyes, which were being held open by a giant metal contraption. Iggy screamed, and Max screamed (heroically), and Nudge screamed, and Gazzy screamed, and Angel screamed, and Fang gasped in a rather tall, dark, handsome and emo way. Blood sprayed everywhere, splattering the walls, and then… Iggy was blind. He had never seen it coming.

Literally. Because he was blind, and couldn't see. His eyes were sightless.

Max shook herself out of her memory, shivering. She turned to look at Iggy in a motherly way, noticing him grinning and laughing at a 'that's what she said' joke. She wished heroically that she could go back in time to that day, and then she could have stopped what would happen. But she couldn't, because no one, not even heroes or leaders, could do that.

"Sigh," Max said aloud.

"What's wrong?" Fang asked, chomping on his burnt water.

Max smiled. She could always count on Fang to cheer her up. And that was probably the most she had ever heard him say at one time.

"Oh em gee! This is like, the best toast ever, Iggy! And these eggs are the bomb! The center is so hard…"

"That's what she said!" Iggy said, his sightless eyes, which were blind, wide and happy looking. "HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Gazzy farted very loudly at that moment.

"Wow, Gazzy! That was like, your best fart ever!" Nudge exclaimed. "You are so good at that! Just like you're good at making bombs! They use bombs in the army, you know. I don't like the army. They kill people, like the scientists. Biography is an interesting subject. I think we should start watching Sunday morning cartoons, don't you?"

"Absolutely," Angel said sweetly, walking back into the kitchen, a halo floating above her glowing head.

"Me too," Fang said.

"That's what she said!" Iggy laughed, his blind, sightless eyes blinking, not seeing anything.

"I think that's the most Fang has ever said at one time!" Gazzy gasped, and farted.

And Max smiled in a rather heroic and leader-ly way.